#109 – Attractive people/
- June 15, 2018
The Daily Talk Show — Friday June 15 (Ep 109) – Josh Janssen & Tommy Jackett
It’s a weird one. Josh attended a conference today where someone spoke about unconscious bias and he went down a rabbit-hole about whether he is nicer to people he finds attractive. Bree gives her two cents and we discuss road rage and dash-cams.
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conversation sometimes worth recording with Josh Johnson and Tommy jacket when the daily talk show and it started off with an argument with your friend Josh
Yeah, it feels like you want to you back on the roads because your
work is my voice is gone. I have not been yelling from road rage. And I'm skinnier than I've ever been. Really. And so if you're skinny, it means you don't take noise. You see that the thing with maze that I get more people referencing that I'm looking skinny than I do if I'm putting on muscle so people are like, what's going on? You you you've lost a lot of white. Is that a good thing for you or not? Because that I'm triggered from the days of being want to be bodybuilder where it was all about just being massive in there basically. Yeah. And you're looking like a little runt yeah if I get a white last thing it's the best compliment I could guess you're
good at going are you looking smaller Where's I always wanted to be known as looking bigger yeah we're in your apartment breeze talk Bray I can hear you because you're off Mike What did you just say sorry no one ever says that to me okay so breeze managed to bring her
white what's a cold what's body body dysmorphia onto the show? He's looking guy Bray your training hat. And it's showing I mean there's every release it's lazy. The well compliments or for anything I know I've always been wary of them. I've told you about the incident where I said to a girl I actually was able to complement it was just a statement about someone's appearance. You look like if you've been to the pool No, she just had really oily hair that looked
and wishing she wasn't wearing a bikini or anything It was no I was
just bumped into her Mac is
after the pool. Ah she was like no no I've just been been working on the fryer
the other one that's an interesting one that I've got in my life and I don't really son bake anymore I used to love a good tan tan quite easily anyway I put a little bit Olive and people all you really brown it's a compliment or you're too real college essays. It know there's a
saying the color your hair is brown. It's I think it's a I think there's gonna be a problem on this episode. If we don't have a third microphone. And Bruce talking a just so we'll have to have we're going to get Brie and Amy on. Yeah, we're going to do an episode and the next week or so I say we're going to force them essentially. But maybe that's what we call the the title of the this is like the time Can we just bring up when you made the camera joke on Rob Ward's This is to
yet see this podcast it when you say something in a room and then there's no chance of it being edited. I feel like I said something on that podcast with Rob board from called lock where I
spending way too serious. And what this
job yeah. And
I brought it up in a joking way.
Rob said something about me having kids or whatever. And he said he would call Bray to get the ball rolling. And then you said I've got the camera. Yeah, I've
got the camera ready. And then,
you know, because it made me feel in the moment. Like it was the wrong thing to say you learn. And then I was like, feeling bad about telling me as I think I've done something because I don't listen back to go through to find these moments. I just have what I think about what the moment was like. Yeah, and that is usually the thoughts so much more worse. So much worse than what actually happened. Yeah, I'm glad I can say that. That's the kind of person I am. What about this? I don't know if you got this vibe. Because I got a message from you saying, Oh, we've got it. We should get Michelle on for the talking about trans stuff. Right? Because she sent an email the her email was was great. She said that we took we interviewed her for Episode 40 if you want to hear I think it was Episode 40 callback Rachel your he that but subject line. He's you wouldn't survive.dot.as a transsexual. Josh, every time you needed to go to the loo you'd have a panic attack Michelle and the funny thing was it was like a funny observation but also like a real eye opener in my lack of awareness in the sense or just like would you describe it What's that thing What is that thing cold it's like It's that thing of like I was it opened my eyes to actually like this is a like an issue for people yeah this is like it's like being in a you know female toilet isn't like haha funny like for for people who might be trans or shit like that?
Yeah well you were talking about how you feel anxious going and using the female toilets if you have to yeah what
you did in my office as well you know humor and Michelle was like I rolling really really
I think it was a nice way to point out that some other people honestly dealing with this year every year you just over thinking about I guess we do we think about this stuff. I remember kids in primary school legit this kid named Tristan never want to use the toilet school and he used to get bullied about I think being gay. And so I was like this version from using the toilets and and yeah, we're connected. Probably. Yeah, I thinking it's connected. Yeah, miss. What is the six? Well, I'd have to do with anything. But maybe there was a connection because he just didn't want to be. Yes. seem to be. You know, he was interesting, young fella.
Well, the. I remember not wanting to take my top off in the change room. So I was one of those weird ones at school. I'd always go into a cubicle, you'd end up getting all your fucking clothes wet, like a shower or something like that.
Because you because I was a little thing.
What about feel bad for me? What about at the pool? You're always wore a top t shirt? Yeah, yeah,
I would have always want to T shirt like a rushy or whatever but that's a bit of a down Do you feel should ask? Oh yeah. Now I didn't like I didn't like going to the beach to pause or that sort of thing. So I can you ignore them and not acknowledge it. It's just like you You move on. So you don't even have to go there because I think about when I say really overweight people i think i think about how they you know, I think I'm putting myself in their position I'm going I'll be thinking about what everyone else is thinking about me but might do they when you're a bit overweight? Do you think about what other people are thinking? Yeah, but I've been the other thing I've been thinking about lately is like how much of my view of the world is obviously just the projection how I feel about myself so it's like the things that like if I see someone eating really poorly or they just like I'm like oh man I can't believe you like eating like that when realities that I've been there I've done it and it's this I'm trying to have empathy in those moments we I was at a conference today and this is really bad because the lady did a whole bit the beginning of sign okay everyone I want you to chant my name
and it was I think it wasn't Kathleen bills like it was a nine she kept saying a nine and the reason was is because everyone remembers her as she's got dwarfism. Okay, the, the, you know, opinions. That's literally all I like it, because her stories are all around that. I can't remember a nine. But I remember, which is a tool or door is a right to say you can say door now. That's fine dwarfism.
So, yeah, I guess. Yeah, the thing that
shift versus if she just did a powerful talk about something, but maybe that's it. But it was really interesting because it was like you I would have loved for you to hear us and all that sort of thing. Because it was like, it was all on the interesting stuff around. Yeah,
she was she was talking about, okay, why couldn't I apply? You know, this role and that role, she's an actress, and she was talking about all the different roles and stuff that she would just never get the part of it. That's why I was kid musicals. dwarfs playing roles, like a Tom Cruise is the smallest Manny show is that no, but really there? Is that the weird thing that we the projection that we have of what is normal? Yeah. And it's a so when you're leaving in it, it is very normal. Is that we saying? Like, no, it's more. It's more that like, Okay, if we she was bringing up points of like, how could that, you know, like it's made up anyway, these actors aren't actually these people. Yes. So why couldn't she was sort of saying, Why couldn't we have a black actor playing someone who was meant to be white or stuff like that, which I think is interesting, because I'm like, oh, that will you want someone who just looks closest to the person, right? But, um, yeah, it was. It was really interesting. Still, I
still don't quite get a point. I might look her up. Yeah,
I I've done an absolutely horrendous job of explaining it. But it's essentially it's just that idea of like, we all have our own truth. Yeah, yeah. And realities. And it's that idea that what we perceive as normal, I've been
thinking a lot about people because I've seen a lot of people going to buy cigarettes and you see if you choose to smoke, so what good for you just don't flick him on the ground when I'm around. Because I'll flip out. I've lived out a lot, but I, I watched an overweight woman and I'm pointing this out because I'm always thinking of health in the moment wasn't just typecasting or whatever. A white woman who bought chocolate snacks and a pack of smokes. Yeah. And I and I looked at her thinking, is she thinking that I'm looking at her judging her? Yeah, cuz I probably was a little bit in the moment, which is not I don't it's a it's definitely a default of going look at these unhealthy person. Yeah,
I wonder how you can switch? How you can change that. Yeah,
because it wasn't like when I think about that I'm an ass off of being a GPS issue because there's probably stuff I do that I could judge hundreds Nickleby but it was a thought
like a I guess a connection I made straightaway but then I was thinking about that I said it took from that going I wonder how they feel about the whole smoking thing did I think about when they buying it?
I was thinking about it. I think you're gonna stop smoking. No, no, but I was thinking after hearing this presentation The thing that I was thinking about is like she's talking about hot people you know what are the needs to be hot? And I was thinking I reckon I actually am nicer she has a heart I am I am hot no i i reckon is like I reckon I am nicer to good looking people unconsciously
i think that i i think that there's something that it's what is a good looking person consist of besides visually what you're seeing what are the what are the traits what what's uh. I don't know if a dude is like told yet
if they're sort of skinny toll, I think that like athletic
I don't know like, so they can actually also your audible just before listening to Jordan Peterson's book. Yeah. So you're 15 minutes in then he turned it off. Yeah. Yeah. Listen to the first chapter talks about the lobster thing. And he's looking at lobsters in reference to the hierarchical structure and the neurological system and how it's similar to other species like ourselves. But to us talking about people who
number one or high performers or whatever. So there's a bunch of traits good looking people. So for there is things like a high level of serotonin and their body which helps someone hold themselves really strong. And I guess there's a lot more things that contribute to that good looking person. You know, like, think about like a dark, good looking person like a Johnny Depp. He's kind of like he battles that dude I think and he's like a, it's a bit dark looking all the I'm talking men here the high you know, holding themselves up like, the rock rock is probably not the traditional hotmail but he's got all the other things going for him. Yeah, that add to it. So I think you saying that I give priority or what's frame that you give I just said that I give attention to those people more. So like, I'm nice at a harder P. So you know, I said hi to people, but I think there's actually something going on there.
a nice smile. Or if they seem front, like I think that we don't say their heart. But we like cheese. That person was really not like we had like, we've had people over and it's like, Man, that dude was like, it wasn't you just like a nice dude. But I think what just happened that he like, had like, nice hair. And yeah, well dressed.
But what I'm saying is that along with these good looks, or whatever, these other attributes, like the high levels of serotonin and shoulders back,
I feel like we're completely out of it. I
mean, I think so. Yeah, I
get what you mean, if
you guys are things that play I don't know what those things out there were, there were a bunch of different things. But
the idea is that if you are good looking, then potentially you your self esteem is going to be high, which means all these other things, which means you get picked in the sporting teams and you get you know, you make friends easier, and then all of it. It's this sort of self fulfilling prophecy that I think you could look now on a self esteem level, not just this value. Now, I think that I've I think my personality is okay. I think that I've I think that because I'm not that good looking. I've spent maybe time being interested in other people. Which people like that. I'm interested in other people and I'm interested in them. Do you think you're good looking?
I think from here we go. Go on. Just one thing before I take it to me.
I YouTube as it. I'm looking right now. Josh and Bree is. bracing Nixa you to a better looking I said yesterday yesterday you to a better looking than you've ever been. But isn't that such a funny thing that that's even a compliment because not really something we can control isn't
No, but I think you've grown into yourselves. Whereas I look at Amy from years ago and I look at me
look at me I look like a dweeb. So Amy and I she's like fine wine better with age so what what are the attributes What are you looking at where it's like are you are better looking?
I don't know you guys are a bit more groomed. Maybe you come into yourselves like I literally went and qualifying just cuts don't knock just cause they could be a sponsor on that yeah
the time for my gone
from a visual point of view of obviously you've changed a lot since you were a kid which you look like you you've got your shit together that's nice thank you both do you both attractive good looking at all I think from I definitely don't think I'm ugly I've always felt I know what you're looking for
very wants to really like comment no
because I was just I was just thinking everything that you saying I feel like is incorrect. Like it's not true
la it was outrageous listening to say that you don't touch the mike one sec. Let me say
no, I think were you saying that you think you're nice. We're trying to attract the people you're nice to everybody. Anybody that shows you kindness or anybody you're you're a nice person and you're any personal traits that has a good person or attributes of a good person that friendly or kind or anyone that even just shows you communicates with you You are a nice person to them and you are attractive and I feel like you particularly since since your whole thing is re brand Yeah you do feel good about yourself and you do feel like you are attractive now and that's okay I get coming from each of those a
tiny bit of static in a bit of the audio because breeze phone was on the on the cable but I fixed that. No, I agree. I think that the thing is that I do like anyone that's nice to me. Yeah,
but they people's looks like I thought that was such an untrue thing that you said
no, but I think I think that there is a super super super unconscious thing that goes on that I can't even but maybe I don't know like and I'm definitely it's hard to like maybe there it's something that's like super like unconscious. I'm trying to like tap into and this is the thing with the podcast is it's like I meant I'm deconstructing thoughts that I haven't even fully synthesized. But I think that there is
It's that thing where I'm like, Oh, I look back at the people that like maybe it's the other way around. Maybe I actually
maybe it maybe the people that I like I think better looking than what they are.
I don't know.
So. Okay. I guess I'm gonna answer the question.
Um, the thing is, is like it. We're asking this in a safe space where it's like, you don't want to be saying to be a wink. I don't think I think you can think you're good looking. And have the wind could be left out. I have. How
about this? I have days where I'm like, Oh, man. Yeah, that was a good photo. Like, I have good margins. That photo that you took of me behind the teddy bear. I was like, Oh, shit. Yeah, I don't actually look like like, disgusting there. Yeah,
I mean, I have those days too. I don't think I am an attractive. I've had enough affirmation of being attractive from people in my life. That would give me the thought of I probably am.
It's not, that's fair. No, I think you're a good looking, dude. I think you've got things that I look at, like, you've got very full hair. Or I've got sort of sort of pathetic head nodding braids. Appreciate it. So you've got really good thing. Thanks, man. It feels like you could get a haircut anyway. You could even not cut your hair and it would look that good. And
I've Brittany now trailer trailer content diary about being perceived on Yeah, and I was thinking about never happened. Never happened to me. You don't feel that
actually may be like in there was like a time in Vegas or something with like, an older ladies or something. Like forget it was one.
I feel I've been to gay clubs before. And I feel like how women would feel when there's a bunch of trainees and you walk past them. And they just lie all that law. Yeah,
I know the feeling of how uncomfortable it makes your mail being a piece of meat at a gay club if I've experienced that. But I've even experienced that from women. Huh. I feel that you just like the over the top towards me. It's I'm even thinking about the hot stuff. I think Barry's right. Like it. The more I think about it, the more it's like I realized that. Yeah, maybe it's not. But the thing is, it's maybe not even the way that I act. But I think that I just give people the benefit. I don't know. It's very
I mean, if you leading with the thoughts of your looks, it's definitely I think that's a dangerous place. Because you end up being an Instagram model. Bray wants to come back and welcome to back to the show. Thanks. No, I was also just thinking it's not only you're not really nicely for that show you kindness, but even people that sort of a negative towards you, or sort of have faith or something with you. For example, I can't think of any clear one to the moment, but I feel like you have a really good way of communicating with that person in a calm unkind. Why, like, there's nothing about you. It's like, I just just, yeah, do you understand what I'm saying? I think I do have like, a level of empathy.
I think that's what it is. I've got, like, a level of empathy. But within that empathy, I also I'm just thinking, I'm like, man,
maybe that what he's doing, bring your phone what I think for some good looking people, there's some dangers in having the thoughts around that you are like, I think there's patterns. And I've got friends I who are super good looking. And I am and I can just see some some of what's happened based around the response they've been getting all their life and I can see that it can be dangerous. Yeah, if it's what you focus on. That's why I say if someone says, oh, should I be a model like dangerous slope? I feel to go on, did you ever do modeling now, I don't have a model look like, that's what they told me when I was trying.
But I don't like, you know, I, I can't I, I hate the sort of modeling I'd rather be on video, I think, between being animated and actually being a whole person. Yeah,
versus whatever, you need a portraying a photo. I think the thing is that what if I was to distill it down what I've identified with myself that I have never express it, but I have negative thoughts about people and the choices that they make in my head. And I'm quite negative about it. I don't express that. But I my learning has been, I think that it is actually coming from a self nugget like I am is just as hard as on myself as I am on others. Yeah, and that's why I go to you as the resident x fat guy, because it's a lot of things that come with that. I've never experienced that in my life. But the other thing too, is why I've been thinking about is I was even like thinking about yesterday. And I got to this whole reference of like, on the 100 remember, I was 120 kg JJ like this. There are like a lot of people who might be 120 kilometers. Not kilograms. Yes. And, or, you know, br and I think that may be,
I think the thing that I'm uncomfortable with is that I'm like, looking back and being like, Oh, geez, like even the conversation with you been like, Man, you Sorry. refined. Now, when what sort of thing I think that we're painting a quite a negative picture, which is that so much of our worth could be attached to that. Whereas I think that I am like, I think the sad part is, I feel like I'm the same person and I think that
Yeah, I don't think that the even things like it when I talk about the rebrand, like, rebrand, and what sort of thing there's a bit there's a sad part of me, which is like that, that I have had to do this that I've had to that through all the negative all the self loathing about how I look, and how I feel about myself that I am now it's Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. And so I think that there is, I mean, we're all in our own journeys, and it's all equivalent. It's all relevant to the individual However, they see it. And the other thing too, is, I think that the other distinction is those the I'm talking about first impressions as well, right. Like, I think that it's easy when you see someone smiling or something like that. It says, Yeah, but it's also I'm a smiley kinda guy. Yeah, I remember when Jim, why you always smiling?
Why are you?
Why are you smiling?
I was on drugs now. I've been I was just smiling. You smile at gene? It's like if you're around. patient. Yeah. I asked you. How long ago was this easy guy when I was young, I like 1920. But I was just working working that you are smiling tapes and people it's I am.
Yes. Getting your smiling at people. You do get some interesting responses because they reading it
because people really like even Amy was telling me and I'll get her to tell the story. One dialup shout out. She's like, I'm gonna smile at more people. And, you know, and she wasn't smiling at men for a while. And then she started smiling at men. And she got a few pests really from it. It's weird, because it's like, why the Why would you think that a smiles and invitation for any kind of interaction beyond a smile back? Hi. Yeah, but I get it. It's like, maybe how we will read body language and how we're looking and handshakes is, it's fascinating what it's doing to someone else's mind. Did you
ever get into NLP? Do you ever do any of your Linguistic Programming? Yeah,
it was another three grand on top of the five grand that I spent my life coaching zloty never
did, I never did it. I was, I was talking to Jason Fox like a couple of days ago about it. Yeah, just being like, Look, I know it's a bit gross. But what's like, tell me the principles he said no, so he was like, it's like, there's some good sides to it, but it's also really gross but he was explaining some of the different things about how to so like, if I'm talking to
listings or a mirror right yeah, so it's these bits in it that help you build rapport really quickly with somebody I think the best way to build rapport is just being like a nice human but maybe there's a whole bunch of things that are natural to people like you notice like you're in a conversation you end up crossing your legs like the across as half the time and I just catch myself like look at this I'm mirroring this person's body language
or doing it deliberately like a job interviews or stuff like
that there's a fine line between looking like a weirdo trying to place your hand on their shoulder as he says something profound to the in anchor that feeling to the moment but I mean we should it would be great to have someone on who's a NLP master
you have any luck getting that that medium guy that you're going to our Charlie Goldsmith we're trying to we will bit I think it's I think it's going to be a bit tricky yes we locked down with these TV I think any properties listen to our bullshit like I'm not going on these and before when when we're on our way here. There was a guy that got out of a car to yell at the other dude that's full on to get out what why did he get out how am I no idea what happened but it what got me thinking I was I had another issue that I've had at the moment is my phone is always on low battery. I just like the problem I have no idea. I just I I'm not winning at life. At the moment. When it keeps changing overnight. I charge it overnight but I've been getting up at 5am so big and so right now I'm at less than 10% back
but do you realize how much you look at your phone it adds to it I haven't chatted on because I've been in the car today yeah well
I don't have a charger in the car at the moment anyway so I didn't have enough battery to be able to film the altercation because I break get the phone out. But it made me realize that I'm 100% of God who is a dash cam guy I need it
because I'd be just capturing show get one I'm just going drives Yeah, I literally just be like You know what, I'm just going to jump on the Monash this morning. So what we can get
what I think is the problem it's like cyclists are not all you cyclists listening it's not always you but you get the there was a meme about like gets you know, sockless gets helmet cams. That's looking for looking for travel finds it, it's I
think the thing is, I'm fine with that. Because the thing is, if if anything, it could probably like shift the power a little bit into the cyclists because the reality is that they're on like a bike and you're in a car Yeah, you could do a lot more fucking damage being in the cabin the bike so if the camera is going to stop them from like getting killed or run over.
You've heard the theory of
that we like in a heightened sense of
like a heightened state when we're driving all around because it's like so dangerous and we are registering the danger Yeah, it's then Cindy's into this hyper awareness. It's like triggering and making us all like on the edge. So it's like when you see all these people just like her like,
you know, I'm sure you've been I've been it at some point, waving things bullshit that it's like, we're also ready for ready for a faction because we're so afraid of getting killed. I've been thinking as I was catching up with my make easy other day on a Sunday. And I was Saturday Saturday and he was running light. And he's like, oh, sorry, man,
it's traffic's bad at a morale been selling anyway. didn't really understand. What might. What is he doing? Robin? He's learning to fly. It's becoming a getting his pilot's license. That's cool. Yeah, I thought was sick. I was like, man, what's the deal? Like, how much is the cost? And he was like, I think it was $400 an hour and I think like to get your recreational license. Yeah, it was. And I think it worked out that you had to do like 20 hours or 40 hours. Something like it was about 15 grand to get your license which like to get your recreational license, which I actually thought was cheaper than what I thought like I imagined it would might be 50,000 Plus or see I when I was putting I had a client that I had two clients that have now got their pilot licenses and they fly over Melvin sometimes, but he would always be like, kicking off after training to go to a so interesting, he said that he's like, sorry, man. I was like, I failed the landing four times. So we had to just keep doing it. Interesting. But I just don't know. I just I wonder what I would do in that state. It was like the other day I was saying how when I was saying something nice to him at the end of the podcast, my ears would bring feel like if, if my earring it something like that. Like Can I be true? trusted on applying me. What's what's the thought? I have no idea. But does that ever happened to like, if I say something if I was to actually like, get into an emotional state where I'm saying something really nice to you? Yeah. Yeah, my ears. whoring like it would like painful like really loud,
does it have any whispering breezy that you love it? Not? Because it's only short. But if I had to fire to read something out, or if it was like, that's interesting, what was happening there? What is what do you think that means? It's only on so I sort of worried that if, if I can control my body in that stage of just saying something nice for someone more functional medicine is more systematic to land a plane and give someone a compliment. Can someone send us an email if this happens, actually, let's go into Should we do some do email stuff
Trevor? Trevor long a mountain said that I had citizen a disclaimer at yesterday's episode where I was like
the basically will talking shit and he was like, my. That's my favorite episode. Which was nice, whichever Cockneys episode Maggie this shit. Yeah, this is your pricing. Not this sort of shit. Can we? Do we have time for Wednesday mail? Or if you got to go now. I've got to go pick up my son. I've ignored when we ignored two calls from my wife so that you can say two calls from Bodie. Yeah, we're currently in St Kilda at Tommy's apartment and yeah this is a very last minute show and you got to go pick up I mean so we better go but please send us your emails hi at the daily talk show.com and he is something that would be really nice actually this is like it was a bit of a sheet episode in the sense of I started talking about something that I was sort of hypothesizing and then by the end of it I didn't actually believe the start so annoying thing of like you've got to get to this point to realize my forethought and there's gonna be people who are like probably listened to the first bit and this guy's a fucking idiot anyway don't recommend this app
was initially going to say it would be really nice if you did a social media if you are listening and enjoying your social media post what's still stands still stand I'll be back next week with a bit of voice because yeah, if you're fact Alright everyone, it's the daily talk show Enjoy your weekend with with starting from in a week and a half time I'll be doing this show remotely while I travel, which will be great international, why they be doing for it. During that time. We'll be doing four of these types of episodes a week and then every Friday we're going to have an interview with someone and we're starting to get the interviews at the moment. We've got someone that we're interviewing on the weekend. Yeah. Who is gonna be great. I've got to locked in next week to amazing I've been sliding into people's daily Yeah, it's all about slotting I also attended a row you did I emailed it Peter Hitchens, try and get him on a Melbourne us Raider that people love and I love Alright everyone have a good one the same on Bye bye.