#098 – Lisa Stephenson on understanding your story/
- May 31, 2018
The Daily Talk Show — Thursday May 31 (Ep 98) – Josh Janssen & Tommy Jackett
Lisa Stephenson is a global speaker, success coach, facilitator, MC, author and CEO of a global, Australian-based consulting firm. Tommy and Lisa have known each other for close to ten years! We delve into personal development, understanding your story and sitting in the shower.
Lisa’s new book: https://www.readmefirst.com.au/
Lisa’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whoamiprojects/
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It's a daily talk show. I'm Josh Johnson. I'm telling me jacket
and I'm so excited. I'm like Stephenson. Hi, Lisa.
And this this is a conversation sometimes with recording, but I think with Lisa being on, we can get rid of the sometimes because it will definitely be worth recording. Well,
maybe should we make that decision at the end? Well, it
makes me whenever I have someone on, I always get like the first two, two minutes is me freaking out about the recording, making sure that we're the levels are okay. But as you as you've gained laser, yes, that's Josh on macro scale. Yeah, freaking out about majority of things going on. That has
been my experience of him already. And we've been here for 10 minutes. You've
talked about applying creams to your cat. You've talked about shooting yourself. That was Lisa was giving me feedback. You've talked about, you know, there was a debrief, it's been good, but so yeah, Tommy, explain how, you know, Lisa,
maybe, you know, I want to explain how we know each other, and then I'll see if that taught, you know, works together because I told Josh on the way here, we kind of met Yes,
yeah, and I wanted to find a here. Yeah. Okay. So I would say it's about eight years ago, I went to this little event called MBA Mind, Body emotion, which was really code for we're going to make you vomit on the beach and ran really hard and exercise like a boot camp style experience. We did that as a bit of that hosted by our mutual friend, Mr. Craig Harper. Yes. And you were there. And I think you were 12 at the time and so that far off? Yeah, yeah, I'm your hair was locking. He's now you've always had to equip going on it's a to pay. It hasn't
changed. And we, you and I worked out together yet.
And at that time, I'm you were in your personal training phase. And it is a phase, I think, well, it was photometer
personal trainers want to get out of being a personal trainer to get to the next thing. I think so much. The ones I know like trying to transition out create their own online program.
I feel like you've interrupted me already. Well, this is
this is just the same. We have a segment called close the loop where we collect all the shit that we've not finished
all the stories that we added and didn't finish that will let you let you finish. Sorry. Well, that wasn't really No, no, no, I'm talking so we Yes, sorry. And then after that, I think we decided we kind of locked each other I was at that time in a really interesting that will interesting is not the right word, but had just very suddenly become single mom and trying to transform life body and all of it. And we used to hang out in your gym together and used to train me. Yeah. And look at you now growing up with the podcast isn't Hey, and this I'm Hey. Look at Chico.
I remember a few months ago, maybe six months ago Tommy was telling me that how he was speaking to you on the phone. So this is how I this is
my not appropriate.
This is my first This was my first memory of Tommy It's funny how when you connect up with someone that's the first conversation I remember Tommy being like night because we would have before the podcast I
wants. nervous. Nervous. No, but Tommy, you know, we're always looking at inspiration and what people are doing and all that sort of thing. And I remember Tommy got off the phone with you and was saying Matt she's going on Merica she's doing all this she's she's
I don't know America big smile don't know America. She goes to America us have I yeah, flyer there to apply in applying. And she's
so sad. Talking about all the latest ship stuff. And also think and what I was getting out of it was how annoying Lisa
the personal like how maybe a bit about on personal brand and how someone can actually build a business around themselves first and actually scale it up to be something that's like family like that's really successful versus just paying a salary like getting to a point where it's like your coveted people want you like want to actually get you some way to and your main commodity is and you can correct me if I'm wrong. But it's like your mind at your ideas. It's your ability to facilitate all of that sort of stuff. What is it that you do now? How do you describe it to people?
Right. So Well, firstly, that was nice. And it is I have worked really hard. You know, I have been consulting coaching, facilitating learning, studying for, you know, about 20 years. So, I know I don't look at all to I I know you shop can sit on your face when she was five years. Yeah, it's five. And and so there is something that is super cool about someone saying we are going to pay you to go to another country, whether it's Asian American, New Zealand to work with our people. Yeah. And I think that's about lots of really hard work, building trust and rapport,
exceeding expectations of what people actually expect from you. Yeah, and I'm really committed to creating an experience and environment where people can learn about themselves. Yeah,
how do you measure so like how do you actually measure whether you're doing a good job at what you do if they're
laughing at my jokes, that's my job. That's my job I having a good time and if they laughing at me, which is normally something I asked them to commit to up front it works for me it just keeps my energy going. So I think you know you're doing a good job because you can see people reflecting and thinking and the emotion is normally quite obvious if someone is doing the work on themselves yes and also people do tell you if you if you're hitting the brief or not and you get hired again and you get another vendor invoices get paid correct? Yeah,
what clients are you working with in that coaching to say exactly names
Can you expand on trying to get
myself up a bit now I also want to give her the opportunity not to shoot can things but talk openly without
Lisa flinch when you said what clients you work for and so now I've seen Lisa speak a lot of times she talks about all your money Krishna and yet to do yeah, i times we
can I just say, Josh, I really appreciated your sensitivity and support. Tommy clearly doesn't care
Sorry. So of course, we actually signed a lot of confidentiality contracts. There's lots of clients that we work with on a one on one basis that we would never talk about publicly, because we do work with elite athletes, entrepreneurs, CEOs, all different types of people. Really, it doesn't really matter what they do. Coaching is kind of relevant to everyone but in terms of who are the people that we service with as organizations should I plant some names and mom's house
tell me he's gonna fucking love it. So yeah,
OK, so we we've delivered programs and work for Telstra for Macquarie Bank, NAB National Australia Bank, Australian unity Treasury wanna states which are the people send me to America to Napa, can you believe I actually, that'd be Napa, it's crazy. I mean, we we base it up. So it was felt bigger than it was or needed to be a client was
saying Josh saying prefacing. Yeah,
what we're about to do is be
but the reason I wanted to have give you the opportunity to talk about what you're doing, because I think like, if we go back those eight years, when we met you said, it was a time that was tough for you. And I mean, everyone was on that program because they wanted to change something. Yeah, reg had 100 people who, you know, we're in all sorts of essentially, I remember people crying, it's a weekend where you kind of opening up, I don't know, if I could handle a group setting like that. It's No, it's not. I don't think it's not all like that. But there is isolated instances, instances where that is going on. I mean, later, and I laughing and trying
to be honest, from knowing your story now. And knowing you at that time, I had no one idea what you're going through. And it's like I use like, you've been able to tell the story, can you tell the story of what you're going through that time,
ah, can we will do will do a small version of that. So at that time, it's about eight and a half years ago, I very suddenly became a single mom and found that my husband at the time we had been together since we were very young, had Lyft and was not coming back. And I found myself in the position of being the sole care of three little people. And it was just the most overwhelming thing to think that I am now going to have to be responsible for their emotional, spiritual, physical well being, and I need to find a way to earn an income. And I think what was significant to me at that time was that I was prepared to do the work that was required to create an awesome life. And it was it was a traumatic time like way talking, sitting in the bottom of the shower and going how do i do tomorrow evening? Down in the shower. Yeah. And to write it though, like, like,
it can be traumatic experience, but can also be a way of life
therapy strategy strategy. Yeah, it's put on some goggles. Yes,
until her order. And this is why we solve the big issue. We had nine how many things could be solved with a hot shower, sitting in the bottom of a hot shower, and now
you have your own plastic chair that you
with a little riling just for me? So
you? So you're going through that time, what was the default? Was it worrying about your kids as the default thing? Or what's like when something like that happens? Where does your mind first get like? What's the first thing that you actually think about? That's a
good question. Because it's a simple answer, which is survival. It's about survival. How am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to get them to school? How will I keep them safe? How will I give them everything? Nine, eight, and in the middle of that as a grownup, you know that there's something that's required about looking after yourself. Yeah, you know,
it sounds pretty selfless in the sense of, I feel like if that something like that happened to me, the default would almost be like a bit PR strategy, where it's like, what's the story that I'm going to tell the world of what's just happened to me, which is probably says a lot about my
way, maybe on
did you how much of that storytelling for you was the important thing of understand, like, how much did you need to understand what happened versus just moving forward.
So I've only just started sharing the story recently, there have been times over the years where in the spirit of building trust and sharing and all my clients, I have shared some of the story because they have been courageous enough to talk with me. But in terms of the public speaking that I do to large audiences, and the book that I've written and the conversations that I now have with people, it's actually pretty recent.
I would say the public version of that was an event that Tommy and I were at together. Not that long ago. Really, it was another one I Craig half as camps. Yeah. was, it was Isn't that funny? Is that it? Does that mean you and I are awesome and all we just need to get a lot.
Well, we paid to go the first ones now. He then pays us to go
to help him at
Hang on. Hang on. Just stop right there. I didn't get paid. Did you? Well, I
make videos. minimum wage. Yeah,
I did get Tina. Yeah. You did share that. I did share that so touchy. Yeah, I was crying out there. Thank you,
Karen. gonna collect us to like, yeah, I've got the job just says, mostly.
Did you notice my shock? Most mostly, you just laugh at me and make fun of me. So it's nice to know that he cared a little bit as well. So if we kind of circle back to that question, you know, I back in the first years of establishing this business, I wasn't it was about the little entrepreneurial voice saying, Well, you could just go and get a job. And I had always had a career that I had been proud of. But it was just something that I did, you know, being a mom and being a wife, and being a friend and part of a family. And all of those things were really important to me. And then I found myself in the position of saying, Well, if I was going to be brave, and if I was going to absolutely be the person that determines what my future is going to look like. That means I need to do the work to a cat what that would be. Yeah, and I didn't sit there and go are How about, you know, global consulting company? And maybe someone will pay me to go to Napa? Yeah, but I did think big. Yeah.
And so did you how much in your mind, because as you were saying you only recently started externalising that story. How much did it actually play on in your head? Was it something that you thought about a lot? Or was it something? Did you use it as fuel? Or like what happens to that store in over an eight year period when you go through something traumatic? Like what what is the actual what's the journey in regards to getting to the point of telling the story?
I'm sorry. Basically, I was just told to a Fiat by a friend Craig capo. Yeah, but no, there was there's been a real evolution there's been an evolution of sharing with clients and sharing with friends and in you know, already drafting and re drafting a book and how it is that I want to share that and also even conversations actually, with my ex husband to say, you know, I have I got this right, you know, I'm I really honoring kind of the truth of what happened and making sure that I'm being respectful of what he's charged.
And so I would say that I don't know, the work we that I've done with others. And the work that I've done on myself is, is what's allowed me to be really good at my job by having experiences that really push us to find out what we're capable of. We then say it in others. Yeah,
I've been thinking a lot recently about where you are right now. And for me personally, and thinking about the place in the story of my life of where that is. And so it's with my business and I was talking with someone recently about they say that is, do you think this is the thing for you like your business? Do you think that's your big thing? And I was thinking, I don't know, I don't know if it is and where does it fit within my story, because it's a hard thing to swallow if you like, you've just started this business and you're like, this isn't the big thing for me, but it's a part of my story that needs to get me to that big thing. Yeah. And so I mean for you it's like you were conscious of that story. I guess it's kind of where Josh was going. He conscious of like, I just you just we just Was that your way of saying I didn't answer his question. No, no,
Well, I just want to say that TJ and it's something that we're constantly talking about I don't know if it's a masculine quality that he has which is just I'm currently Flexi is is flexing he's got a big stops like Tommy just has this
Tommy is kind thoughtful, and also just can rub me the wrong way in the says sometimes, and I reckon that it's just it's and he's learning over time. This is a 360 review. I thought, you know,
it's interesting, right? Like Toby says, they cease where I'm like, I've known him long enough to know what his intentions are and what he's trying to say. But the question or the words that are sometimes used don't necessarily match with the softness like it's got this like, harsh, harsh,
in the city in this but it's interesting with guests and stuff like that, because it's like, I think sometimes I feel like I need to preface around like, he actually he what he's saying he actually really loves you. And really, but if at least denies that. I mean, you've you've seen you've known me for a long time. But you know, what, do you get that sense? Having worked with Tommy and all that sort of thing. It's almost like this tough love, or not even unapologetic. Just this honesty, well,
he's done, right. Yeah, he's direct, and he has clarity about what he needs and wants. Yeah, and my we laugh a lot, don't we? Yeah, I mean, we've traveled together and been on planes and anything to America. Yeah,
sorry. Listen, in America,
I think we've shifted me as far as to who I am,
as your business. This is what we do is you ask people to look at themselves, who am I in the world? And who do I want to be? And that kind of breaks down into a few different things. So there's, there's the story of us, and I'll come back to your point. Tell me about the different chapters that we have in life? And how do we actually know a, but there's where we've been, where we are now and where we're going. So there's something that's always really important for us to look back on the story and say, Well, what do I want to take from that? What are the learnings? What are the things I like about myself? What are the things I've done that I regret that I need to do differently next time? And then there's Where am I now? So where am I getting my energy from my passion from? Am I actually learning stuff? Do I have opportunities to meet new people, you know, whatever your things are, and we also look quite carefully at what people value you know, so am I living in a, in a way that is aligned with the things that actually really mattered to me, and then aspiration Lee, who do I want to be so they kind of been questions, but we don't tend to go to work each day doing and go, Hey, hi. Shall we get coffee and have a conversation about where you'd like you love to be in 10 years time? Do you think most people's stories that they've created?
Do they serve them in a positive way? Or do you find that the stories that people are creating work against them? Well, I
we do self sabotage law, particularly people who are high performing, you know, they often very critical of themselves, I find, so the and we do tend to write a story, that sweet sauce, particularly the one we're telling other people, I think that's human nature. Yeah. But you know, when you're alone in the bottom of the shower, what's the truth that you telling yourself? Yeah, you know, when you go to bed at night, and put your head on the pillow? A Do you like who you are, and how you are being with others, and the career choices that you've made and how you do relationships? Or is this some stuff that you'd like to be doing better? How do
you differentiate though, I guess between I remember hearing this saying thoughts on facts. So if you're going home, and you're in the shower, and you think my life is shoot, then these relationships on how do you decipher whether that's an anxiety, self sabotage, sabotage, or actually something that needs greater reflection side, the
stuff that we think is really important, can I just stop here and do it share a little bit of theory for a minute, and I sits boring, you can indicate to me by yawning, Tommy will, if we know anything, Tommy will just
tell you, he'll just yeah,
just give me a loop. So I actually, I find this really fascinating. So do you know, if you just think something, it kind of passes through you, Brian. And it goes, and it doesn't mean a lot. If you have that same thought six times, you actually start to create a pathway in your brain. And the way that our brain works is to look for evidence to make us right to keep us safe. So if you collect if you have a series of thoughts and beliefs about yourself that say, I'm not good at that, or people don't respect me for that, or why can I do that better, you will actually be looking for evidence HD to make that rush. And that's
almost like a may being critical of myself with Tommy, I see him as this masculine dude who. And so my default is almost like a hyper aware of always looking out for aggression, or things like where it's like, one 10th of the time he's doing, I guess we do that with everyone, right? It's like a,
it's like, if you're about to buy a new car, all of a sudden, you see cars everywhere that you think are beautiful. Or if you thinking about having a baby, yeah, everyone's pregnant, you know. And that's the way that our brain works. And so what we think is really important. So a lot of the work that we're doing coaching with people is to actually find out what's going on in their head, what are the beliefs that you really attached to it? And it's, I think, really interesting to consider what beliefs do you have that or even yours, a lot of them come from, you know, our parents when we're growing up. And then in the education system and the world around us, what beliefs do you have that will serve you and help you and support you in creating your own version of success?
We tell me and I have spoken about fake it before you make it and
us feeling a bit uncomfortable with that idea. Because it feels like you're not being a true authentic, authentic. Yeah, yeah. What's your vibe on fake it to make it now
we don't fake it. Yeah, don't fake it. Absolutely. Do not fake it. But we, we do trust ourselves. And we do give ourselves permission to try out new things as if we know that's how we build muscle memory. So it's absolutely okay to to, you know, often people will talk to me about I'd love to be a speaker, I'd love to learn to be out of present and share my story. So, you know, you have to step on stage and do the hours you have to build the muscle memory and how it feels to stand in front of people how to read the room, so we don't fake it. But we have to step in and do it like and trust ourselves that we can. It's an imposter syndrome. Yeah.
Do you experience that? Yeah,
of course. Of course. I'll share something with you.
I haven't said to anyone. This is an exclusive
if we love more, where you pay me x? Absolutely. As we're gonna pay you as much as Craig paid you for the last
which would be zero.
Dina, sorry. I you know, I have just, I I'm actually really, you know, I'm proud of the work that I've done in this business that I've created. I think I haven't messed up my children too much. They are awesome. Thank you. Tommy. They're pretty good. You know, I have beautiful friends is there's a lot in my life. That is super cool.
I've just written a book. And it's terrifying. Yeah, it's actually terrifying. And there are some really generous, you know, supportive people out there who are buying the book. And I've got this app on my phone and a little, it just pops up on my phone each time someone's ordered to achieve.
But that's not what I think Tommy like the imposter syndrome stuff is I go, Oh, God, I hope I like it. What it I should offer them a race. And in case they died, you know, like, I have poured my heart and soul into these and worked so hard on it. And there is, of course, this part of me that is a little bit kind of terrified, and who am I to think that I can do I get to call myself and also now, you know, I like I think we all have that, that feeling of wanting to have, you know, our purpose and credibility and we want people to be proud of us. And and, and in fact, I think lots of us even measure part of our success on that, you know, how other people talk about us, which is essentially a brand. Yeah, so I had not considered it and you just don't know what you don't know. Right? And have you heard that trying a lot of that one a lot. We really don't know what we don't know. And so I just thought I'd write a book. And that would be fun. And maybe someone would publish it. And I hadn't actually considered for a moment that it would get reviewed. What what, like, there are actually people who are going to read this and review it. And what if they write something that makes me cry?
Yeah, you know, Josh got called a soy on the internet. I was I was,
trolls. I mean, I think that the, and I guess one of the mechanisms that can be used is realizing why you're doing like, what that metric is. So reviews, like, I guess the thing with, say, the daily talk show, using that as an example. It's like we're saying all these things every single day. And we not like we're self critical of what we're doing. But it's almost like you can't ever use the external, I find that you can't use that external comments like it, you got to be detached to the positive stuff, so that when the negative ones come in, this is how I cope with that anyway. So when the negative one to come in, I'm already detach that whole thing. I realized that they saying one part, if someone says something positive, I'm like, they saw this one part, which was positive. And I realized that I've still got a lot to do. And when someone says something negative, I'm like, Yes, there was probably that negative, but they're saying this one pot, but I think, yeah, it's a,
there's a complexity in this thyroid. Because when we look at social media, and this type of forum, it's, I think it's a, an important filter we put on, you know, what you're talking about, we cannot measure our own identity, or our own success, or how we feel about ourselves, necessarily, by what people comment, right? bought out. In the real world, where you are running a business, you are actually I am my business depends on what people say, and feel about when they're in a room with me, and that, that's how I need to be able to pay my team and send out and distribute invoices isn't, you know, so actually, what people think, and the commentary that they will have about what you shared, taught, led led them on is really important. Yeah,
and it's even talking about that and say, am I an author, my, this, my, that
there's, there's a element of me, which is like, I don't, I'm not anything like, I don't want to put a label. But when you talk about brand, to be able to actually sell yourself, you need to be able to say what you are what you do. How have you found that journey of describing
the two months? Well,
no, because Tommy's given me feedback on these yeah because when we've had conversations about brands before and he's provided me with some thoughts that I don't seem to have any issue in talking about who I am and what I do and my brand and you know when you think about things like networking and you know often people pull feel like that's hot that's united to shower afterwards and it's Carnival grows sitting down yeah,
that's clearly a theme today sitting down in the shower with laser is
it and I on
The Daily Mail, but I'm up for I'm really,
getting a visual
I think should we just made on I'm really confident that you and I will never be at the bottom of the show Josh
and also another exclusive
Can I just say at this point, my children might listen to these sorry, Mommy will not be getting in the shower with Josh being film will be on camera. It happens start up sorry. You know, the brand and and talking to people about who we are. I think we need to get really comfortable with that. Our own story. You know, it's, it's, and there's something about Australian culture that is, you know, particularly tall, Poppy conservative when I go to America. I'm so awesome. Yeah, I am hilarious and interesting. You know, in Australia, we absolutely expect people to earn their place. And when I we've, we expect people to be very humble, don't we? Yeah, don't talk
about being too good. Because that makes you ego based. And but what we know is really successful people have healthy egos, you know, they do know what they do and who they are. So I've seen you talk in front of hundreds of people. And the main thing I've taped I have taken from saying you speak and I said to Josh, is that you're very sure on who you are. And it's almost like refreshing. And that's why I was so polarizing for me, because I was like, wow, this, you know, is a woman who's standing on stage talking to these ladies and she super short and then super hard. That's why would I said, I was worried that you gonna say that I said something aggressive to you.
You're great at
selling is yes. Yeah. Well, because I don't think of it as selling myself, right. And I think what what I hope is relatable to people, when they're listening to me speak is that I'm sure of myself, but not perfect. There is a whole lot of stuff that I get wrong and need to do better at and still want to learn. And, you know, I think as soon as you set yourself up as an expert, you're in trouble. Yeah, as soon as you walk onto a stage, or into a client meeting with an expectation that you are the person that is going to change everything, bring all the solutions, add all the value and people should listen, you setting yourself up to fail. I'm very, very clear when I'm, you know, talking and sharing my story that there's times when you know, I get lonely and, and being a single mom is, it's a big job, you know, and there's, there's things that make me sad. And there's things that I've tried in the business that perhaps haven't gone as well as I would have thought, and I think I hope Tommy that's part of it. I hope that people relate to the fact that I go, I've just got some stuff to share, you know,
some lessons that I've learned what you do, definitely communicate with the level of and, like, empathy for how hard life can be. Um, and I think it really comes across like, you know, that they're just going, this is how you need to leave. And this is how you live streaming, which a lot of people are doing.
Yeah, and it comes across as well. That is aggressive. Josh, when people do that. And people do do that. And this and I, that, I think there's a shift at the moment around, we don't have the connection in our communities that we probably should. And so there is a need for people who there, I just find people are responding a story authenticity,
again, fantasy, I think it's also the most confident people I know, confidence is about being confident in your story, the good and the bad. And so the, the, there's a fake confidence. I guess that's, that's been a thing where it's like, this is the height like, everyone's got their highlight reel, now, they've got Instagram for this. Yeah. And so I think that, yeah, people are seeking something greater, which is, and that's why I think that in start up land, you know, fail fast as this, you know, big exciting thing now, it's like, the is a celebration in screwing up. Yeah. And realizing that to get to some level of success, you need to trip over 100 times. And we're almost, you know, they talk about like, within the startup world, they talk about hockey stick growth, and if something goes up too fast, that's now like, not a great thing. Because if it goes up really fast, it might come down. So, yeah, it's, um, well, I think it comes back to you're in a time now, where being
honest about your story will have the greatest connection. I hope so. And I, you know, as a
I'm just thinking, you know, what are the things that people connect to, and there's a whole lot of, you know, theory and knowledge. And we do a lot of stuff around latest shaping, but the things that people remember, I have, I kind of feel in the moment and the stuff that relates to them in this story. So we will have a lens that we put on stuff when we hear it, I could share the same story with you. And anyone who might listen to this, maybe two or three people, you know, just
and I'll get my children. And I think that's
Amy brown night, and
I Oh, do it on separate internet connections,
because we need that to look
good. You know, I the stuff that people remember is actually the things that fit with them that they can apply and maybe think about how that works. So, you know, Tommy, you've heard some of my dating stories, you know, like, dating is, I mean, Jay, we could do it. We should do a podcast on that.
Yes, we could. Yeah, a whole podcast data. Yeah, place or whatever. Yeah,
no, not wouldn't be called. You know,
he's gonna make a
I did. I have listened to some of your podcasts. And there is a bit of a theme here, because you did want to talk about someone in a sauna. I thought you're gonna talk about the sweet
I'm just laughing
that was I was sorry. Oh, yeah. Let's
have a chat.
Yeah. And, and some some way put to the side and say, let's learn from that and move on to the next one. So, Tommy, I'm interested you, you know, you mentioned earlier, how do you know if this is your thing? Not how do you know and very good at closing the loop By the way, we need every episode every life Well, I think that's a really common thing that that happens for people is that at different stages in their life, they want our Gosh, is this the deal? You know, is this is this the career path? Is this the marriage is is the relationship is this you know, the body that I'm going to have? Is that all the study I'm going to do and how do I know if I found my thing you know, where my strengths are so interesting that you would say that when you're clearly you know, I really passionate about what you do, and you get to tap into all that creative stuff that you love to do. But so how do we know and I think one of the greatest challenges for PayPal now is that we are also busy A lot of us are living life in a way that is kind of mapped and I'm I'm getting through each day and I'm doing a bit of survival and I'm trying to fit in some friends and then we die
yeah well that sounded quite dramatic
like wait just kidding me
why confidence five he's lighter brought so at what most of us actually require a trigger. Yeah, we don't do that sound. Like I said, You wake up after you've done it. You know,
the trigger. I heard someone talk about the crucible moment you need it that Jezebel moment where it's like shits bottom? Yeah, to be able to then say, okay, that's when you get the most amount of clarity. Yes. Do you think you can? Can you hack a rock? Well,
yes, I think you can. And I think that's a really important question. And that was actually my trigger for starting to rot. Because what I learned about myself was, if my life had style on the same path, then let's assure you mob would have still been married to that person. And I would have had this many children and I would have had that kind of Korea. And so I went, all of that fell apart. And one day you wake up and you don't have a husband and you don't have a house, and
you've never conceded that the smart beta life, you now have to leave, you have to find a way and I'm honestly like, I'm not alone in that, you know, I had most people I would say, let's make up a number. So we say incredible. Let's call it 96% of people
tell me that. Yeah,
you could say he twinkle in his eye
to something. Yeah. So
96%. legal disclaimer.
96% of people actually in the shy nights
is probably not fact. We're actually if we ever got sued I will be wraps because it may people listening
like Oh, so
maybe when I take that back, I mean, that might not guys by wealthy if I can have it. Yeah,
that's true. Okay. So
96% of people in the world at some point in their life, have crosses someone I really care about, get seek to
96. That's a huge number. I realize you just might have.
Sorry, he not only
that, but it just I had to detach from that moment. And in the moment again,
9.999, because if you don't have some cross, Eli's
hat he's going on during house, Tommy's hope numbers. Yeah, I mean,
he gets three life without something happening. That requires you to stop right there. And what I swear but only 4%.
And then and then 10% of paper that God will, I'm going to get stuck here because I don't have the skill or the resources to know what to do in this situation. And then another 10%, let's just keep rolling with the made up numbers. You know, I actually say opportunity in this, you know, and then you'll have a percentage of that population who will actually take time to process what's happened and have to learn some new stuff. And but think about stories where you say, a dad who like lifts the car of his child, and he didn't know was that strong, right? Sorry. Can we hack that? Well, yes. Yeah. You know, it's, it's being a great job. Tommy, Tommy, stove it tight. Can we get it that
we're done anything? Sorry? How do we, how do we do something that says, you know, if I want more if I want something to be more or less in my life, if there's something I want to stop doing? I want to start something new, then. Am I prepared to do the work to make that happen? Is this whole industry too individualistic? Is it all to meI, Mei, Mei ambition? That sort of thing? Like, how do you find how do you get his ambition thing? I don't think it is to Mei Mei Mei. I actually don't think we do that enough. Yeah. So one of the things that I talked to people about is make yourself your most important project. That's not permission to be totally self focused. But if you think about what a project is, it means I set deadlines. I have vision for success. I create goals. I might go in, speak with some experts, or consults and people around things that I might need to know learn or understand. And I think we spend a lot of our time just getting through each day taking off our to do list. And that's not because we don't care. But because we're in an environment where we are churning stuff out expectations are so high about what needs to be deleted people who are you know, lots of people are juggling parenthood and working and trying to fit in exercise. I don't think we do enough to do the Mei Mei Mei stuff. Yeah,
how much and this is for me, personally, I find it difficult to look inside and work out what I want. Even though I know I want you know, money to be able to have my family comfortable. But I still find it hard to get it out of my head onto the page. You I'm sure you've dealt with a lot of these PayPal. What's the block there? Why do we find it so challenging to look inside? I think
there's lots of things off. Sometimes it's because we don't value ourselves enough. We don't think we deserve that time. Sometimes it's actually about not knowing how to, you know, we haven't had that conversation with ourselves or no one's asked those questions of us before. And also we just don't, we don't know what we don't know. Yeah, so you know, that's why working with a coach or finding a mentor, you know, or a leader in your community works really well, to have someone have that conversation with you. But I know someone Tommy who could do that with you name's Lisa. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is a coach. She's awesome. Okay. Yeah, you should call
the working with a team then. So if you take does this, can you just transplant this approach for individual growth? And if every individual does it within a team, will you have success? Or what is the extra bit of glue to get teams working well together?
Oh, that's a big question. Well, for starters, they have to want to, and they have to have a shared vision and they have to be prepared to work with each other and be resilient and have tension in that. And I think we at the at the moment, I think we spend a lot of time talking about how do we be happy and how do we, you know, are and we forget the value in people being really robust with each other and learning from each other. We talk a lot about respect. Have you noticed that being respectful and you know, it's a really big word at the moment. We've got diversity, we've got all kinds of things happening at the moment. Has Roseanne Barr by the way um. Yeah, I don't know anything. What's did some racist tweets and
what? Yeah, I'm not good when it comes to topical stuff. But I can't say that. Yeah, yes. On Twitter. she tweeted something. Yeah,
it was a sleeping tablet, though. was sad. Yeah. sleeping together.
So annoying. Wait,
a company who we shan't meant will not mention, actually did release a statement saying that making racist comments is not a nine side effect.
Yeah, it sounds like Oreos would do something. It's like a whole campaign. They're really good with
this Fs legal case. If you've ever heard one.
So yeah. working in teams. Yeah. Yeah. So so you're talking about this, all this discussion? Around respect? Yeah. And,
and respect is not meant to be warm and fluffy. And be about laughter. You know, I respect should be about understanding each person's uniqueness and what they're bringing, and the strengths and I think we get really sensitive about the things that people say, and I don't mean disrespectful things, or things that are deliberately harmful to someone, or divisive, but really healthy, high performing teams actually strongly disagree with each other about things. I asked questions that they haven't thought off before they challenge each other. And I have a really cliche vision about where they're heading and what successful look like they've had that discussion and I've mapped it out judge of
character and working out, so don't judge people. So that's what I'm what I'm curious about is that, you know, there's, there's people that will say, I'm a really good judge of character, and they, you know, use it as a mechanism to be so, you know, everyone's a bit screwed up, or I don't like anyone that they've got an issue with, it's like a good judge of character, don't I'm good, good judge of character, don't feel good about them. How well do you think we generally do at identifying other people's flaws and what they're like and the story that we apply on others? Do you think we're better than the people themselves and understanding that or do you think because I feel like I can paint a picture and I picked myself up doing it all the time and telling Tommy I'm like that person's projecting because of this because when they were a kid this probably times and they weren't really psychology Sorry, it's on its ongoing he listens to paga. Exactly. audio books,
books, books. Yeah.
So I realized, I think that it's it's not an uncommon tried for people to think that they have worked all these people out. Yeah. What's your approach? Yeah,
well, I'm, I think we're all really good at judging others, actually, because we learned from young age, you know, I, we learned from a really young age on particularly, and I probably shouldn't admit this, but this is my being authentic. Is that okay? Right. Another another exclusive sitting at the airport. Yeah. Oh, I Mike. Oh, cons of assumptions and stories and about, you know, what people are wearing and where they're going and, and you know why those people are sad. And I can actually cry watching people at the airport. I get so involved you imagine
the story they're talking about you just like okay, she's looking at Yeah, she's still looking. This is
potentially a stalker
becomes we all have you played that game. And yeah, definitely. Yeah. And
I think Josh and I, we've talked about this and you've identified that game has been a bit toxic for you. Yeah, I even have fueled that game by saying Josh would you reckon about what's going on here this is
a good friend because then you get into it
like all that white seems a bit off today. What's happening? Well, I'm liking they've had the differently fighting with the barista because you can see their body language. That's the deal,
right? Okay. So let's have a conversation about the cafe. Josh, you don't have no, absolutely not. I mean, in the instinct thing is valid. The instinct that we get when we make people is valid, but our ability to connect, build rapport build trust is actually more about how we ask good questions. How will we can listen, we most of the time, we do not know what someone's stories. And so when I'm walking around out in the world old, that's kind of a checkpoint for me to say, that person has a story that I don't know. And what did they get up to this morning?
What's that next? So you asked that question? Yeah. Then my next thing is, they probably had weight pics, do you not go dude, do you? Really? Yeah. Why not? I
don't I I have a question. So
you ask the question. But you don't necessarily answer for you.
So I think we have a right to answer it. No, I just I think it's, it's good to be curious about PayPal, it's, it's an I think it's human nature to wonder who's around us. And, and that's actually how we learn by observing from others, you know, but what I absolutely know from the work that I've done is that people have a whole lot of experiences, values, beliefs, thoughts, ideas that we never get to he we all have, you know, just to get a little bit technical for a minute, we all have these different parts to self awareness. And we all have a hidden self, which is the stuff that we don't tell people. Yeah,
Tommy and I were talking a couple of days ago about therapists, psychologists, all that sort of tell Lisa, your sort of view on why you haven't gone, the reason I haven't gone is because there's a feeling that
the through self development through all the audio books is I think, I know, like, I can see the things that are happening, I can see my floors or whatever. So if I can identify them, I don't feel like I I worry that a therapist is just another person who has a bunch of flaws, who has an opinion, which is based on not only their work, not only the study that they've done, but also where they grew like as much as they try not to, where they grew up, what they've done with their parents believe in like, that still sort of comes through. What are you smiling Lisa smile may on smaller. What I was thinking is like these, this is so quick for you. And you hit you know, like the way you articulated back to us takes time. But you so quick. You said Yeah. Is it serving him right
now? It's not the coffee's actually and i i think it would be good.
Okay. Sorry. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just making show. It was
closing, closing every loads. Brian it's great. Yeah, he
is. What do you make? Sure. I Josh, he's, he's the thing. Have you ever had someone say chase? I regret working on myself.
And it wasn't a real question. Okay. Sure. rhetorical. I'm not used to question now. I think that there is something, you know, we overthinking. Mm hmm. There is there's a certain interesting language, especially working closer and closer with Tommy, which is like, there is something detrimental in allowing yourself to think too much, or give something too much energy in the sense of like, we're talking about even self development and all that sort of things. Some of the times where I'm actually happiest is when I go outside myself when I actually consider other people and do things and service and all that sort of stuff. And so I wonder whether I'm, like, you know, every audio book I listened to has some sort of question or thoughts, right, that's constantly internally getting me to ask those questions of myself. And so I feel like the, the missing bit or the thing that I actually need is to maybe not going to room and talk about myself and think about myself, but actually thinking about other people.
Hmm, sorry, that's interesting. And this something really, really valid about what we get personally when we give to others. You know, I love I actually love listening to you talk about that. And I, I think we all have a role to do that for ourselves and for the community that we live in.
It's a, it's a paradox, right? It's this idea that hang on, I'm gonna, it's like that idea of exercise, what, you go to the gym, but then you get more energy when it happens that way, like I'm giving energy
and it's assigned by giving to others, it does give to us, but here's the thing,
you are constantly evolving and your story has lots of different chapters in it. And I think that is and I don't mean for this to sound harsh. But I
I think everybody and arrogance
in thinking that we can work everything out for us. Oh, yeah. You know, if you think about the different roles of people who can help us to evolve you know, if you go to a college, their job is to ask you questions and trust that you know yourself best and you and to help you work out what you want your agenda to be, what solutions what you need to work on. So coaching where you are right now would be awesome for you because he could work through and be challenged on your own beliefs and and do that work but then if you go to a mentor will a mentor is going to nurture you and share wisdom and advice and if you don't go and have that conversation, you never get to hear those stories a psychologist will do that deeper work on you and help you and feelings and you know I do a whole range of different things which is different to what a psychiatrist or a teacher you know the roles that teachers play so i i think i'm really up for new experiences and I would like to set up the challenge right here to ask I some amazing people why don't you go and have a session with a psychologist and have a conversation because the thing is you're grown up right so if you have that experience and go I got nothing out of that it's still
yeah it's like the same reason why I would sit throw shit movie is because by the end of our own know what I learn stuff
yeah because you pay 20
What about what about the scale of one thing that I've been thinking about is the scalability of these types of things so mentorship for instance content so the content that you're creating the book what is the title of the new book by the way
so my book is raised me first
me first and so can people actually buy it right they can buy it right can read me first.com that I you are thanks Tammy. Amazing just yeah
he's gonna love it she will book in bookstores in August like actually real recovery order now that you can pre order now and so
what I what I'm interested in is content and all all of the things that are available to us now Can they How can they fit within all of this context so what what does someone get as an individual speaking to you versus you going up and speaking to 200 people and it Do you think there's a really clear distinction of when you said this is an individual problem that needs to be worked on a one on one level versus I can go on to masterclass calm and have what it feels like a mentor experience with some of the greatest people in the world.
I think both are really valid experiences and give you different things to be honest, the value of having one on one dedicated conversation about what's happening for you is is can't be replaced by anything else. If you can find an amazing mentor that can ask you great questions. And people mentor because they get back to your point earlier, right. When I mentor somebody, I'm investing in someone else getting to share some of my wisdom and often mental say that I learn something from you know, I heard a story recently about someone who is deliberately mentoring mutual mentoring at 20 year olds. He's in his late 40s, because they're teaching him things. So they spend half an hour on human and half an hour and the person he's mentoring and so the big room staff is super cool, because you get lots of energy, you get different stories. What I love about group environments is Q and I, because other people will ask questions that someone else might not have thought thought of saying it to
set a better business model like talking purely business point of view, is there more coin in doing the big stuff versus the coach stuff?
let's say yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, when you're in a room with us out and people and you're being paid a right as a speaker, yeah, it's an hour of your time compared to an hour one on one coaching someone, you absolutely are looking at more profit when you're dealing with more people. But of course, that's balanced out with what's the staff like at my call, I am a coach, like when you put me in a room with someone, and I have the privilege of working with that person on things that they've maybe never said out loud to someone else, or on something that is their dream, and you get to be the person that facilitates that thinking for them today, because
it's so cold. That seems like more of your driver than financial? Absolutely. Craig half is one of the things he says if I had the opportunity to speak for $10,000 to 100 people or 10,000 people for zero dollars, you'll go zero dollars. Yeah, people because of the impacting you have. I see that is the drive of him, Do you think it's why you found level of success is because you're coming from that, that
I hope, I hope so. I really do want to connect and I do want to share and I don't just mean Connect me I love connecting other people as well. You know, like, when I meet people I think are they would really add value to that person's business. Or they would have a great time having a one together or, you know, I love just connecting people for no reason. And it is a draw this may to I don't know, I don't want to sound too wonky, but
I really I love the feeling that comes with knowing that most days I get to make a difference for people, you know. And as a coach, you never get credit, right? Because it's often confidential. It's not actually has nothing to do with us. If someone is highly successful as a result of the work they do. In coaching. You never hear about us. And if I don't do anything differently, you don't hear about us. I so you get to have this really good thing. Yeah, that's good for you. But you, you have this enormous pride in watching people go out and do the work on themselves and that you can't put money on that, you know, the stories that I have, and there's not too many days where my phone wouldn't ring with someone to say hi, lice, you know, I've lost that five kilos, or I've set up that business or I got pregnant or I've left that relationship or I was courageous enough to propose or I'm doing that study. You know, I like every day I get those coals and that's all about them. Because I did the work What about
like, with the coaching industry specifically, there's a bunch of cowboys offering always say you're doing really? Yeah, doing? Yeah, the six figure, you know,
do this, you know, follow this course. And you'll be able to be making six figures, you know, it's selling coaching and stuff like that. How do we define coaching? How do you work out what you use good coaching versus snake oil yet snake
oil? Wow, that's such a random things.
Have you heard of snake oil sales will because the thing is that I think that a lot like if you're, if you're 21, if you're 21, and you're a you're a life coach. Um, that's probably not a lot of snake oil snake, he's probably gonna add
that into my I need to find a way to use that today. Compensation oil. Yeah, look. And the tricky thing about these sees that being a really great coach is not necessarily about a qualification. PayPal very rarely asked me about qualifications, which is lucky
people rarely do because what you're bringing his experience I can't call someone around leadership if I haven't done leadership. So I've had to do the big jobs, right. So there is something that's about I didn't experience Yes, there are. There's absolutely study you can do. But how do you find someone be the industry is actually pretty small. Yeah, you know, I'd ask a lot of questions and get a recommendation because we all know who we are, and the ones that are the Cowboys, all you have to do is pick up the phone and and ring a coach and they'll be able to tell you, but also just be aware that there are people who call themselves coaches that actually are they consultants, you know the difference. So a coach, a purist, coach is just going to ask you questions, and never provide you with advice. So when I'm coaching a client, I will say, and what's a different way you could have handled that? And what don't you think you've thought of yet? And if you go in and go out and try different strategy, what do you think you might do? So purist, porcine is very much about empowering you to come up with your own solutions. We trust that if you've done the work yourself on working out what it is you need to do, you're far more likely to implement whereas a consultant is their job is to come in and provide information provide frameworks bring a level of expertise to the room. So you have people out there who are business consultants that will call themselves a business coach, but it's quite a different things. So the challenge for the people you're talking about is probably to work out what it is they actually need.
Yeah, sure. Maybe being aware of if someone's offering up advice, verse asking question. Yes.
Thanks a lot.
Everyone asked the giving, yelling and yelling advice.
La la la la vi. El. just telling people what today that often Maxwell. Yeah. Tell them Lisa. Thanks for allowing us into your home today. chat about it was fun.
That was fun. That was she she first podcast? This is
my first podcast. Well, we feel privileged. Yeah,
what's the vibe I like to tell me always gets annoyed because I deconstruct things on the air but what what you think
are you asking for feedback now
I just saw to press a button on this. I'm
going this is what you guys have great and I love what you doing. And the world actually needs more of just the good conversation and the humor and people being prepared to listen to each other. And I actually feel really grateful that you asked me and it has been fun and you are good guys and in a world where there's crappy things that happen every day it's actually really nice to sit at a table with you and hang out with you so thanks for having me thanks so much your book read me first dot com that I you is when you're on the graham as well as Instagram. Can we just say that Instagram is a different nine Yeah, sure. and whatnot. You
can I guess Who is it? Who am I projects
with? An s on the Instagram is Who am I projects? Yeah, and the book is read my first awesome yeah, it's a
daily talk show everyone is about send us an email height the daily talk show.com The difference with I think what we're trying to do with this podcast is not just having people wanders once off guests, but having friends of the show that popper like we that we sort of get you back and I think that would be really cool in the sense of if people do have thoughts or questions around it or feedback I think it would be cool to was slowly collecting all of this stuff which we can you know, have Craig back on and have you back on and actually have this as a conversation that's beyond just our speaking but it's involving everyone so and we love free catching
the clock stops now. Thanks everyone. Hi. The Daily talk show.com and we do have a p o box two. So we're legit p o box 400. Abbotsford Victoria 3067. Please send me something because it's just costing money by