#068 – Friendship/

0:00 The Daily Talk Show Episode 68 Tommy jackets. Yes. And I'm Josh Johnson. I feel like I when I do the intros, I say your name and never make it clear that I'm talking true. If you've just tuned in, this is my voice. My name's Tony. And I am. I'm Josh. And together, where did the daily talk show? It's not rehearsed. It wasn't. I think you can tell. 0:26 I saw a tweet before and it got me thinking 0:32 it now. All good conversations with the best mate start at it. 0:36 It said, This guy says he's a minimalist YouTuber. All right. What does that mean? It's just like, if I can does videos, and he pushes the whole minimum. So I thought he meant he, he makes minimal video a bit of advice. very tidy. As a YouTuber, he says he tweeted, making a strong effort to not feel guilty if I don't follow my friends work on social media. Just because we're friends. It doesn't always mean I have the time or interest to consume your content, less distractions online and more value placed on in person. friendships. Smile, fair enough. I know some best mates that haven't listened to this podcast. Yeah. 1:19 And I couldn't care if I kid I fact and wouldn't start. So I 1:25 guess the The question is what makes a good friend someone tweeted, and they said, If you can't count on your friends to consume your content, who can account on? Okay, there is no that's not the minimalist. No, he's not saying the other guys. Just shit. Yeah. So. Um, yeah. Now, what do you What's your take on friendship? What do you value? 1:49 I've got a best friend who is possibly the flashiest of friends. Yeah. But he's my best friend. And he's one of my longest flight Flynn's flaky flames. He's a flaky friend. And I can imagine he's not listening to this show is okay. I don't need I don't know. even adding him. I just I understand what I get from it. Yeah. And it's it's enough. If I had a conversation about men your flight, you know, I think he knows it. I think he totally knows it. And it's almost I think when a person can really be seen to be flaky is when they trying to be to give you something. That icon 2:29 Yeah. And so trying to be the best person of themselves. Yeah. And they're still falling short. Yes. So 2:35 it's almost like, yeah, they're, your expectations of them are too high. They trying to meet it and fucking it. And it's this. Yeah, I don't. And I think that's very, very introspective on the situation. I don't know. He wouldn't think that I only kind of had that thought then. But I was like, you know, if I was saying, you need to meet me here this time. You know, like, I know, it's just like, we we fit in when we fit in. But if it's my fucking waiting, or it's my box party, or it's my birthday. He's their celebrations he likes he likes free cake. 3:08 He leaves turn after cake. Every time 3:11 I bought like that. And that's what a true friend I think he is. Right. But I've also, you know, established 3:19 I think now 30 nearly 30 in September. September. The first 3:25 I'm going to be a way for your 3:27 life. And how that sad. We can come back for it. Yeah, you know, maybe I'm just not real friend would 3:33 come back. Just come to just come to Europe. 3:37 But where was I going with that? I was I was saying I'm 3:39 30. You're going to be 30 soon? 3:41 Oh, yeah. And I think I've found that the friendships that haven't been a strong of, kind of fizzle type of type, it'll fizzle off. But I've had these ones that are like, you know, really enhanced and it's a cool new stage. Yeah, it's Yeah, 3:58 I love I love I love friends. 4:01 I've wanted to make a video about friends have fucking great friends. Um, yeah, I have a funny relationship with friendship as a general idea. I think. Like, I think that I've gone through stages of like, expecting too much, having having a flaky friend not getting what I expected out of the friendship, and just getting fucking annoyed. It's almost like what we talked about with me where I'm like, I'll say yes, yes. Yes. It's also the thing of like, I'll be flexible, flexible. And then it gets to a tipping point where it's like, Fuck you. You can't even like respond. I 4:42 think this is without looking at you and your situation. But I always have been cautious of the people who have always had falling outs with people. Yeah, so it's like, they friends are very famous. And it just, and that's why 4:54 I definitely have identified that 4:59 yet. There's the you, I feel like I have different levels of friendship. So I'd never I have, I am one of extremes. So I feel like I've had like, you have extreme friends where you like, hang out all the time for like, a few weeks. And once it goes over that part, I feel like I've got these, you know, 5:21 maybe six or seven friends that I've had, like, two years of like, being really close with here and there. And then you just like, move, like, geographically, it gets harder. But the awesome thing is those relationships to stay strong speak on the phone, or that type of thing. Well, I moved away for two years. So even though I was two hours away, I didn't go home and definitely didn't say people as much as I did. And 5:52 fact you get back and people are the same. It's like, you go on your trip you back. Everyone's living their life. Yeah. And I feel like fact, we're even. Yeah, the friendship will just pick up from where it left off. Yeah, 6:02 and it's the I think the expectations I reckon I was someone I think, who had like, you know, just that that friend like those cases that you're talking about, where you do have none of it. And even a falling out, falling out so strong of a word, but you just feel like it's that thing of if you feel this connectedness, and then you feel the opposite. You feel it in a big way, right? So if you go from having a relationship where you're spending lots of time together on the phone, or whatever it is, when that change happens. It does like you do feel it. And when I say it about people having full 6:46 I've had them. Yeah, but I'm so glad that I had them. Yeah, but I haven't had them in Yeah, 6:51 in a row. And I think that it's a, it's a thing that you develop, like, I think everyone has relationship troubles with friends, chips, and all that sort of thing. But with every single one, you learn a few things, and you've learned things about yourself and how you react. And yeah, but I just think that I've, it has been an area which for me, for instance, I think that I was I would fall into the category of being someone who's helpful. And because I was helpful, people would, I would allow myself to, you know, be available. So I'd say hi, if you need anything. And so I felt that I would get into the sort of friendships where I was just fucking doing all of this stuff for them. Yeah, yeah, 7:44 I know what you mean. And then they can even become emotionally reliant on you. And so you set these bad boundaries. I've learned a lot about friendships. For me, personally, with women since being with Amy and it's, you know, come Amy and I've gone through a lot. I've had a lot of girlfriends in the past. But what I established was that there was some pretty 8:07 emotionally Reliant friendships with girls. And it was so funny because I like looking back on them. Yeah, I can see it in time. I was like, oh, whatever. That's my my, you know, but then they like, you know, and the people I'm talking about, I've had falling out with Yeah, because I shifted the relationship. Yeah, and these weren't sexual or anything. Oh, yeah. mates and I thought it was charming mates. Yeah. But when you start shifting the dynamic of the friendship, they fell upon big time and, and maybe because I wasn't, you know, I didn't communicate it in the right way. And so there's definitely things to play on my behalf. Yeah. But I really found it and I've given that advice to some friends around 8:51 emotional reliance in relationships. Because a friendship is not just Jami it's like, show me different things. Like, I get an emotional exchange from you was a guy. Yeah. And, you know, and then I missed that. It's like, so there's a reliance or there's a, you know, I just like it. And so, so it's so layered, like, if you break down what friendship actually is, and you can spend so much time as well with them. Right. And it's like, 9:17 I think that the, the challenging bit is that there is there is a big reward to community and friendship and relationships. And I wonder whether there is a shift that like, the funny thing is, anytime I say anything, where there's a shift happening, or whatever it is, it's a shift in my reality. Because as long as there's been people, there's been people problems and the people problem, there's only a fucking shortlist of what they can be. 9:49 And so I think that there's saying that to age 9:55 they feel feels like there's an individualistic nature maybe it's a sort of from American culture. I'm not sure but this sort of Mei Mei Mei 10:09 Yeah. Which I don't necessarily which I which I struggle to reconcile 10:14 I am love as I've got the 30 nearly 30 again you away from a birthday. Yes. Might 10:22 be playing on 10:26 a live stream it for me, 10:28 I love friendships that have that have been there from the start, like fuck it. It's one thing I've been loving recently. Like James, my best mate who works here in my in my office building. He and I've been friends since we were 12 or 13 on each other for a long time. Yeah, but we've grown together you know, like looking at your friends achievements. In fact, I'm so proud of you. Yeah. 10:54 And then because you saw from the and that's how I feel with Bray and our relationship we've been together for over 10 years. And so imagine when we were 17 years old getting together like we have been through adulthood together so cool yeah so we have been able to live in the reality which was you know, growing up in fact I'm going to help them Senior Secondary and and being in that world and then you know, living at my parents place to then saying Okay, let's live in another summer where do we want to live? What's our career like big big big questions What do we want to do for the rest of our life that is all happened in the last 10 years who is like a best friend outside debris yeah 11:43 outside of make his own fucking number one yeah on fire my friends it's true 11:50 Have you got one from childhood or no no one from childhood I think Earl Cox with Cox know I think 12:00 best friends would be if I'm just sort of thinking about it blush so human I you know, when I started my first sort of proper business outside of high school when I finished high school I was 18 years old and he was his business partner was a guy named Aaron roughly who funnily enough works and invite her now he's been sort of the WordPress space and I caught up with Aaron and this blog guy was his business partner and I wanted a website built and we got along really well and I just started working out of their office they let me sort of hot desk from there and then we just kept a friendship going he lives out in the suburbs and we speak a couple of times a month and so that's one of those examples of yeah a really good friend and then you know and then there's a 12:58 nice on who I traveled with for you know if he totaled up the amount of time we've spent traveling together it's probably close to six months of just traveling being in our definitely heightens you your friendship 13:12 yeah training with somebody at the gym I train with Tommy day yeah and I was thinking about like I thought about this week he messaged me May we training and I was like he's pursuing me you know to get me on board yeah for something that he does and allows and I was like fact I feel grateful for that and like the solid hour that we get together just us we're just fucking in our in our world in the gym yeah talking talking you know talking about life everything and it's like there's definitely training exercising with somebody brings you pretty close 13:48 together with them and I felt like building your business building things in general right so with blogs like if I was to break down and then I've also got my mate Cameron box human I connected back in 2007 on a film shoot his face 14:03 he boxes Yeah, yeah. 14:05 So I was friends like good friends with cam Well, well, before I was working in radio with with his sister and yeah, Cam and I have been friends for longer than the same amount of time that I've known Bray and that's just been a friendship that's been ongoing. And we've always, you know, it's one of those good examples of a friendship that 14:31 you go through moments of seeing each other every single week for, you know, six months, and then you want to hear from each other for six months. Like it's not sort of, and it's good and it's just like, picks up you know, it's sort of that clay shy Eva, you know, just the thing that the thing with friendships is, it's about, you know, you could spend 12 months apart, but then when you're in the same room together, it just picks up where is it 14:55 Lynn Jansen, 14:57 it's every name that I felt like the good quote fracking may voice but not I think, um, and I get different, like, I give and get different things from all those different friendships. So for blogs, it's fucking, we're talking revenue. How much money did you make this month? What do you fact like, should I do this? Or that? What are you doing here? Oh, hi, I've got this prototype. Can you build this thing? I'm wanting to do video like it's that type of conversation. It's around like, fucking entrepreneurial type stuff. It's around fact of, you know, fact the man fucking it's about fact the man or that sort of thing. And then yeah, nice on it's completely different. It's like a Persian restaurants. Yeah, exactly. It's about like, he's, he's my, he's my bit of culture. Right? He teaches me a bit like he he's lived in 12 countries. He's religious his his faith is behind he spent his whole job 15:59 you know he does part time work for him but his main job is managing 16:07 content for his faith so doing like and he spent time in Israel volunteering there and he provides a completely he describes himself as a third culture kid which is someone who's like born somewhere right somewhere else living somewhere like it's like this sort of and so he lived in Chicago sorry was born in Chicago his dad was a doctor they move to papa New Guinea, which is like if I can remote area and and then you know, was there for a lot of his childhood in an international school. It was very interesting speaking to one of his friends from school days, he's living in the Gold Coast which is why I was there the other day and caught up with one of his friends and that was saying how I was asking them about paying j pop and you unique because they because nice on it's got a bit of fucking post traumatic stress from it. He can't, he doesn't like leaving on the ground floor always is paying above and was laughing because there was fucking crazy amounts of crime. So it's like you just wouldn't you'd have fucking security and stuff at the ground level ground and then you'd be on the first floor but you know he's a friend she was she came with like, you know a dad who was you know, working for the government and stuff like that. So they had all of these great facilities they fact and went on you know, 17:37 traveled traveling around pain Jay you know, really sort of luxe type of thing but nice ons experience was like, his dad was, you know, doing service by being a doctor looking after. So they were going to fucking remote villages were just like, yeah, 17:54 so he's got all of these experience around. And just like that would have, like, God don't, you'd have to have God dogs and shit like that. So he's, you know, 18:03 he saw dead people, you know, just fucking like, dead series, first dead body before it was attain and all this sort of thing. So, all of those sorts of things. 18:15 Well, we're all just alive thing here that just everybody's just story. You know, Katie, and everyone's got their own perspective on things. And it's just everyone's in their own world. In the One World, it's like, yeah, 18:29 it's it's recognizing everyone's realities. And I think that, that if I look at all all of the friends that I do have it centered around come the conversation. And yeah, 18:44 I think that that's like, you know, Till's a really good friend to who's a you know, a filmmaker who, you know, we've, it's all just going on this journey and talking about stuff. And that's, I think, what I've what I valued. And I think that probably, I remember as a kid, you would sort of, I would obsess about it a little bit. I think it was maybe because 19:11 I was I was good friends with my teachers. I wasn't necessarily friends with the students like my peers, like some of the like, Yeah, you've got different types of best friends. You've got ones that like, literally, I might speak to once a year, 19:28 but a net, who was one of my teachers like I really think of her as one of my best friends in the census is the one that you walking around the school. Yeah, yeah, literally, because she's like, we spent I spent you 789 and 10 on the I walk in the yard. And we would like you know, would be talking all the time her her partner, she's got like three kids. Now her partner is actually 19:59 one of the the biggest photographers that Getty Images doing all of so Olympics. com games AFL Grand Final, he does all of that stuff. But yeah, she, she's an example of someone who I feel really connected with, even though I haven't spoken to her and probably how are you speaking to just unlike text or whatever to have? 20:20 What point even overall is is at what point do you transition out and ask your teacher for their number? 20:26 Well, I think you see how easy that is. Yeah, well, I think like, I have a book. Let me give you an idea. I've got a book that she gave me in 2003, I think was 2004 on screenwriting. I remember like, so I was, she was she took over like the student representative Council, like she was that the teacher position and I was the President and I just remember how much support that she gave me because I was just a fact a weed annoying student. I just remembered like things like, I remember she said, Hey, I got you something. She got me this book. And it was on screenwriting, I was 2004. So this is backing how many years ago is that? That's 14 years ago. And 21:11 when when it was school holidays, I would make these films, parodies of Steve Oh, when or Russell coin you know, all of the adventures you know, these Australian TV shows. Yeah, I would create these videos and she was the first one say, hey, Josh, what have you made and to get you know how the TV's would be on the trolleys to bring a TV and everyone would in the class would watch watch your video and they'll watch all the all the stuff one Do you love the show is doing a screening of your own stuff. Yeah, she was my biggest supporter when I didn't get when I was in the 10 because I went to I went to schools like you know, prep to grade six and then went to another school 57 to 10. And then again you're 11 in 2012, I was the school Captain ye 10 I went to school Captain at my school and got vice captain and the funny thing about it was I was the known as the leader of the school right for the long like I was the SS the student representative Council President from Iraq. So after one year of being at the school I was in I was the leader of ee 789 and 10 for the student representative Council. So I would run all the meetings and that sort of thing so it was a sure bet that when I was getting into you 10 that I would get school captain in the fact that and so 22:38 what happened how about this I was good I guess yeah, she taught you a lesson and she didn't give you it because she needs you to know that you don't always fucking comfort 22:51 so and and that was and it was great she was on my side but there was a vice principal that basically to give you context I was picking the school Captain I was on the panel to pick the school captains in previous years right and anyway I I was going to school captain and there was no other people going for it and the vice principal before they close their applications and vice principal asked one of the kids Why is anyone going and the kid said because Josh Jansen it's just going to get it 23:26 and so you should yeah so the trick so the vice principal said well I think you should like to another kid I think you should you know given what was it James trying to fill out was the guy's name and nice guy trying to fill out a decision yeah and so school Captain so yeah they they did the announcement and I just remember the shock the absolute it rocked my fucking because they they 23:57 I just remember like it's insane. Thank you. I felt like 24:02 fuck 24:04 Hillary Clinton you know like that's how it felt when I was 24:09 she cry 24:10 yeah yeah yeah, I was crying I don't know if I cried at school I just remembered my heart beating whether they were announcing vice captain phones do any faculty and they say there's no focus on I focus all on latest curricular extracurricular activities so you 24:28 know I actually like I left school and you're living in fucking a cannot remember I thought about I didn't even know that if there was a school Captain there probably was yeah but never came into my mind yeah 24:42 right so much leadership style he made the same way the end like even things like the state SRC 24:50 your problem you peaked in school. Yeah, exactly. Just spinning your fucking adult live trying to talk he didn't 24:57 know I would have teachers saying like 25:01 it Josh. She gonna you can be famous. You can be doing big things. And I felt that pressure. I remember I said to myself, that by the age of 19, I want to be famous. Is this stupid law? Yeah. What is what does that even mean? But that was a real like, when your kid that's like a big fame. Seems like the biggest thing. You know, American teachers would be too scared to have the relationships like they did 14 years ago with you. Yeah. 25:26 And that mention a woman text in effect in school kid? Yeah. Well, I mean, we thanks. Pass. Yeah, well, we didn't have we weren't texting, then transition transition would have just been like, 25:37 it would have been a couple. So she actually, when I finished your 10, she finished teaching. So she was 25:46 basically she basically sore out our year. So she was our home group teacher from you. Seven to 10. And she's like, I'm fucking done. And so how about 25:57 how about this, so she went to be foundation. So but which is, you know, we create a little video on them a few weeks ago. And so she decided she wanted to change. So she went to beacon Foundation, which is an organization that connects young people with employment or industry connections. And, yeah, we were just on the email, I look at some of the emails that I right. And they Hilaire just shaped canning other students just paying like you wouldn't believe how fat Sophie's now and I like it. And that was so good about it. Because she was just like, she knew that I was a weird unit. But so that was the thing like we, you know, I remember going to chance done shopping center and, you know, meeting or at the food court, and she would just check in, and she assumed a mentor. Yeah, 26:47 absolutely. Can't stop thinking about those shows. I say about the teacher is running off the kids. Yeah, but the problem right, it's a, like, trivialize or like Mike entertainment out of these stories. Yeah. And then I can't stop thinking about when I think about you, 27:02 but the thing and the thing is, it was so it was a friendship. It's awesome. It was such an 27:08 it's an older friendship. And I've got lots of older friends now. Yeah, and I love it 27:12 is it's different perspective. It's a different it was just like, it was one of those things have just been able to talk. I just remember like, school camp any opportunities just to have a fucking chat. We just be talking about shit. Like, but it was all like, I wonder what now like, what it actually was. It was definitely about like, ambitions, and what am I going to do next? And what should we do? And like, I was terrible at school. And but I remember she was my science teacher as well. And it was like the I learned my 20 element first 20 elements because of it. But I think so. I think teachers have such a powerful role. 27:50 I think a lot of them fucking take that for granted and shit together. Yeah, not all of you. Yeah, a lot of the ones I deal with. Yeah, maybe it's because I was a fat whale sheet. But it maybe it was may as well. But you've heard the stories, the contrast in stories. Yeah, teacher think I was gonna rub a house when she went twice. 28:08 I do. But I had, like, you know, but that those relationships were across the board with my teachers. So like, I had another teacher, Lynn, who she was, you know, the media teacher. And she was like, you know, you know, 28:26 I was in learning, I was using Premiere Pro back in 2004, like, I was in the rooms. And so, the thing was, like, it was just this exciting, and they knew people that like, went to the VC a, and stuff like that you'd find and so they had these so interesting because they were so in some regards, disconnected from the industry that they were, but they had this one friend who was a bit and how it got so excited about it. But so many examples of that. I remember also he and my teacher in grade six, and he needed to do a presentation and basically I stay back until like, 8:30pm on like, I think it was like a Sunday night working on a PowerPoint for him and he like went and got me Mac is it was fucking the base that outsource these work to you. It was fucking great. But I had such like, thinking about it, even though associate at school those relationships, like the friendships that I actually genuinely think had friendships with those teachers. And they really I think that they shaped me in a big way. And they I got to do things like an exchange program where I went to a farm and like spent a week on a farm 29:40 how'd you 29:41 exactly 29:43 yeah get fucking Josh has blown me off on the takes me 29:50 listening to someone with no reception. I but I had this connection with a lot of teachers. So for instance, another teacher George in when I was in prep, he would play guitar. And he Jodi's hair back so I like job, my head, and I couldn't play guitar, but I I like a tower on your head. Yes, 30:10 it was doing 30:12 my bit. My my brother had a guitar, so I'd bring it in and out of fucking 30:17 strum that is, he was flying. But I just remember, like, the, the friendship. I felt like I had, like, just like, I'm walking around with him. But also the email like I remember back in, he left that school. You know, I went, I was in primary school in the 90s. I remember, like, 1997, he left the school and we aim out. Like, how fucking cool is that to think I was an email even in 1997. What was your What was your email? I can't remember. But I know I can't. The first email I do remember was 30:51 cool, man. ten@hotmail.com. But I think I had one like, you know, the teachers had like an education one. I feel like I had an between maybe it was my parents a male at the beginning. I wish I had those. Let's summarize 31:05 what attributes you look for in a great friend. 31:10 Right? So I think that can be sure. Yep. 31:14 ambitious, yet. Open, 31:20 adventurous, 31:23 positive, enthusiastic, I think those types of trades, like 31:29 I just have, you know, a hard worker, I want to be around people who are like, and so I've got like, really close friends that aren't necessarily that and it's a different relationship. I go and do it, like different activities with it. I'm not talking business, in fact, in the revenue with them. And I think it's good to have a mix without you. Yeah, what 31:47 makes up a good friend is someone who's definitely you cheerleader, but will challenge you. Yep. And that's James from a we have the most fucking frustrating conversations. But I know he's on my cell phone. Yeah. And then I'm like, fact, I love that. It was good. You're attacking ourselves. And knowing it. I felt like that was awesome. Yeah. And so that's important for me. So I'm someone who can definitely talk. Yeah, and have a conversation. And it's not just surface level, not for all friendships or likes of surface level conversations at some point. Yeah, right. Also, like, on a bit date, yeah, and just talk in life. And that's 32:24 why our friendship has, you know, landed is it. And that's why we decided to do this podcast because it was like, two dudes on this similar journey, trying to work this stuff out with different skills and were able to help each other through all of that. And I think 32:42 this podcast is, you know, a celebration of friendship. I've said that before. And this is of the audience that we have, like friends that were we're starting to interact with, and we're starting to know their names, and we're staying to get emails and talk about them. And maybe it doesn't matter where the fuck you are in the world you might have, you might be around a bunch of cans at your workplace. And if I can hide it, you can put on your headphones and listen to some like minded people talking shit for, you know, 3540 minutes. Yeah, 33:14 mutual respect is great. Yeah, I think that's underlying tone of a friendship. Love, Ryan. JOHN, who was on this week. Yeah, we just similar paths, mutual respect for each other. I think he's great. He thinks I'm great, I think. Yeah, and that respect, respect. Respect is an important one. Yeah, yeah, 33:33 it's a daily talk show everyone. Thanks for listening. Send us an email plays and your friend application high at the daily talk. show.com. Have a good one.