0:03
It's the daily Talk Show Episode 637 Christie message in the building

0:09
give myself an Intro

0:12
Welcome Welcome to the shear Welcome back to Australia.

0:15
I'm back I'm back to was eight months Mexico Central America

0:21
like a longer time like for me I felt like I got to it like you did you catch some sort of parasite as well? Were you like,

0:30
broke as for like five weeks five where I was just like really unwell. I just Yeah, I was gonna say something and I was like, Is that too far but it's not like I've just never done that amount of diaries.

0:44
It wasn't even diary. It was water.

0:45
There's a snippet

0:49
on boys you don't know.

0:51
But seriously, I was to the point where because I sold everything I sold my car was had this real YOLO moment. I think I feel like I've lived my life. Use in reverse because I never did that in my early 20s. I kind of was like

1:03
you move to turaga Matt that's

1:05
Yeah, yeah. I went to Townsville at 24. My first radio job moved around the country for eight years or something. And then got to a point in my life where I was like, What am I doing?

1:16
Hey, radio, Rob, do you have

1:20
na, na, hashtag no regrets. But also, I don't know, you get to a point where I was like, well, in some ways, it was like the biggest blow ever because I was like, he come out of this bubble of, I think, like a lot of industries, but like radio is so insular and like, pretty unique and so like incestuous. I kind of came out for air and I was like, what kind of life skills do I have? What life experience have I had it came out of a nine year relationship. So I was also like, what am I doing and what do I also have tying me here? to Australia or to Sydney for you know to anyway, did you catch

1:54
yourself middle of the trip just on radio today? Just checking.

1:59
Yeah, it To that shit. I actually went the other way. I was just so I could not stand having like people would have radios in the car. Like and uh, yeah, I just was like now but to be fair, I was never one of those like, radio peeps that was like had fucking Google alerts for radio today hard on for Craig Bryce.

2:22
You gotta write coffee. Think

2:30
about segue

2:31
say the first word, whiteboard. whiteboard as he like last crisis coffee coffee. Now I could like I could talk about die, right?

2:45
I can do a segue.

2:48
No being back in Melbourne. Yeah. Are you a coffee drinker or not?

2:52
Yeah, frost coffee. But I'm also incredibly, incredibly poor. I'm doing this thing where I don't buy Three coffees a day healing my life. I'm back on Nescafe I mean if the blend 45 is the symbolic of where you're at in your life I'm

3:10
down here I mean that's a breakfast radio person's stifle, right it's like i

3:16
was i was i was. That was always like, I'm so above the shit. Just like honestly and I was

3:23
like, why would your

3:24
mind barrister and now I'm not now

3:28
I also need to get out of the studio and away from these people. Yeah.

3:32
Just give me a moment place to stop fake laughing and go get a coffee and come back and be brought in lockup.

3:40
Did you lose your phone overseas?

3:41
Yeah, it's stolen. It was partially my fault because I was skinny dipping at the time sure that would do it. Yeah. So I left my stuff at the end of the pier in Panama. I come to this club of sweaty as and put my bag in the back of the sky. He was very cute. It was what was awesome was it was it

3:59
was The fine was

4:01
I was just I was an iPhone, but he's the shit part because finally I managed to like steal a hospital phone to call to make an international quarter to show whoever I was with. And I said, Oh, this is my number Oh, four threat, you know, said it and they go off. We've got no record of that phone number. And I said, well, it's funny because I've had the same number for like, 15 years. And they said, No, there's nothing coming out my system. They put me through all these different, you know, departments. And in the end, they go, we'll put you through to our credit team. And I was like, Oh, this is no good. They said, Oh, you've got an outstanding $1,658 debt with us. Because they were debiting my card is I was gone. And I changed cards. I don't know my life admins all over the shop. And yeah, they cancelled the card ended being sent to a debt collector on. So always like, oh, brilliant. So it was like a bit of a double whammy. So I'm like, I'm glad I left the phone to find out about the debt because I said we've been trying to reach you. I said, I lost my phone. They said, Yeah, he's I 437 still Number I might Yeah, I've lost my phone. I'm also in Panama, so

5:03
Yeah, sounds like yours. It's like your fugitive in Panama.

5:08
Panama

5:10
like the way you describe it. It's like you lost your phone ages ago when I was talking about this with like Korea. I was using that as an excuse for everything. Yeah, true. And I was saying there was a sick part of me that when my like I'm so disorganised when my Nana died. I was like, Fuck, I bought myself an extra week with all my video projects. I was like really? like

5:32
yeah, use it at the end. You know, I

5:37
literally said like, Hi like, you don't even have to say hi I'm not gonna be able to write deadline you just like Look, my Nana died just because your time is a few years ago something so sad. Now you bringing me down.

5:49
I wonder if like I get afraid to say things in cave calm. I do believe in karma. So I'm like, if I

5:58
can shoot now. Committed to trading. I haven't heard about it.

6:04
No, I actually did do a summer trade. And then my Mac got stung by a scorpion on the knot knot and we broke the silence. I was running around being a

6:14
very solid meditation and got heaps of trouble. But now on the karma thing that I'm scared to say they've been so many times in my life where I've gone to say, there's a family crisis or someone's sick or you know, like, and I'm just so but if you Nana's already dead

6:28
I don't have another Nana.

6:30
Yeah, it's what you're talking about is just lying. Is that what you're saying? like well, you know you didn't so you set it as a legit thing. So your grandma died and you're like, this actually bugs? Yeah, yeah, you saying that? You just say that.

6:45
For me. I think it's more like it you know, if you like, Don't go too close to the edge. You all die. Yeah. Or like Drive safe. We don't want you dead. I'm just saying is that what you

6:55
want? I don't want to put it out into the universe. But what I'm saying is that's standing for you because Granny's already did say that we attracting the better.

7:03
I still use it now. Like if I said, My God, but it was

7:09
use the Nana in amongst the corona

7:13
to hear about the Quran and stuff. Yeah, my nan is dead because none

7:16
of them are technically alive. It's up to the person receiving that news to discern, and I live streamed

7:22
my mother's funeral actually, because I am to live like no, cuz I am like I am pretty socially awkward. And my brother lives in North Carolina. Okay, he's like, I'd like to watch it. And so rather than just like streaming it on a fucking iPad, like my mom would have done. Yeah, I am. I set up like a full camera. Like, set up. I had like, all of it. Like I basically had to rope off a section of the jury. It was great because I was like, because I feel like no one likes funerals. So that's what I've learned because I always say to Brian, like I can hate funerals. I hate hospitals you like, you know, like no one. No one likes it. Okay, but I am. It was great because I could rope it off and then when people came up and said I like it you know, sorry about you now just like just film this Yeah,

8:14
absolutely yeah,

8:16
because I like I like filming like Christmas, but it's usually to get through it.

8:21
It's a bit behind the lens.

8:22
I liked it, like enjoy it like it's almost like I'm bored otherwise I'm just like sitting around talking.

8:26
I was gonna say talk to me about why like why do you need to get through Christmas?

8:30
No, it's it's more. It's not even like I think I enjoy filming and making a video. I enjoyed that time spent doing that right than just like being at the thing and not doing anything.

8:43
See Do you feel like that makes you less present? No

8:46
more does it make you more present because I feel like so on this this trip that I went and we started making little videos and there were so many like instances and people that we met in stories and you know, like stunning people that we met that If we did not have a camera slash Sophie cuz I didn't have one I was just went along and I was like yeah put, you know your mouse

9:11
on the director, you

9:13
know do that day but um, yeah, we ended up having these amazing experiences that if we didn't have a camera, there's no way that we would have ended up having more observant, so totally does

9:24
you're looking for the story oh yeah nice moment. So it is nice. But it is a coping mechanism. It's probably like someone who can talk really well like yourself where you kind of like in a situation where you I do it I like enter into not a performance but I'm like I give it a bit of energy yeah to get into but it's almost like you do it to cope through a situation Do

9:44
you find that energy sucking that I was talking to someone about this recently? Who's amazing and they're like, Ah, it's funny when people say oh, you've got the best job in the world. You just rock up and have a saying and then you leave and we're talking about like, talking, you know, like him saying shit and like, you know, that whole thing. schmoozing situation. I might, I can do that and I like but part of me is like you exhausted at the end of it, which sounds so manky that you like, go and have a like a free meal and meet people and have a chinwag. But then you're also like, oh, last pretty hot. Yeah. Know what it actually is? Did you give the energy to people? What

10:17
about like when you're in like hostels? Because I've never done the hostel thing.

10:22
Neither had I. And I was like, 29 for the first time doing it.

10:25
And so the thing that worries me about hostels is the other people Yeah. Which makes sense.

10:33
In the bathrooms, because it's the only place you can have sex in a dorm. Normally pretty bad.

10:40
Yeah. And so do you talk to people?

10:49
I was like, Yeah, but like, I can just imagine walking into a hostile and there's gonna be like, a German dude, he's gonna have like a ukulele. You big truck probably travelling longer than I have, and then you're gonna have all these different people. And I just feel like it would. It'd be too overwhelming to have to understand like, like, I like creating stories about everyone. Yeah, just trying to absorb all of that.

11:16
Yeah, it's a lot it's a lot of energy. So there was some times where I was travelling with a mate but then I was on my own solo for about two over two months. were part of it there's some days you just said I can't be too because you have this same conversation because the through line with everybody's are Yeah, where you from? Yeah, cool. I never been to Texas. Yeah. Helen, you travelling for all year where have you been? Oh, yeah, these poses and there are some days where I'm just like, I can't sounds

11:41
like a fucking Uber. You know, like, how long have you been doing this for Wow.

11:45
It's actually full on so I think it's like it's a gift to give yourself up, but also to other people to recognise. I would think of it as this kind of like these wavy line where there is some I think lifesite that sometimes ways is sometimes we we energy especially if what you guys are doing and Oh, you're in major you talking? Are you giving you know, whatever you're doing, you're giving people energy, there has to be times where your energy goes in as well. Because I don't think you're not servicing anybody by constantly being like, Hey guys, because I just don't think you work like that. So there was some times where I was like, ah, I can't be bothered seeing another, another human. And then I went back two days without speaking to a single person not

12:25
travelling that long and it's not as a solid meditation.

12:28
I did sorry, not I did nine days without speaking

12:30
the two days is it'd be like me not speaking for two days. Yeah, I'm not just here.

12:36
But there are some days where you're like, I want to Corona and just talk with somebody you know. So you I feel like you got a it made me really aware of like, when to come in and when to come out. Because you force yourself out sometimes when you don't want to be and you shouldn't be for anyone.

12:50
I also find like sometimes I I'm in that mindset of I don't want to, but then I do and then I say that I actually get the energy from it, right. I'm like, I'm me the until I think I want to be But then I'm like, I actually had a great time then. Like I feel energised. It's a weird one because you gotta listen to yourself. Yeah, yeah. So there's a fine line between listening to yourself when you really should be sort of trying to re energise, get your crystals charged, you know, or the other way of like, I'm just being a fucking little shit.

13:19
Yeah, I think I think it's also realising that not everything is comfortable and not everything's good. You know, even in the even in the good stuff, they ship parts and even in the ship parts, there's good parts. So like when you're you, you are like, I could not like you're saying I could not be bothered talking to her. I don't I don't ever want to put pants on. But then you get out and you're like, oh, that was fun. I really needed that. So it's like, yeah, it is, uh, maybe just knowing yourself on where the line is to push past and where the line is to actually go know to stay sane side sans pants.

13:49
Yeah, I think there's, I mean, I don't have it dialled in, but it's like, if you have dedicated time allocated to recharge sounds like regardless, it's I need to do that because it's because if you're not thinking about it booking time when are you doing it you're just hoping it happens yes you're gonna get called or hoping you know as well people you know full time work

14:11
cars are good for that day yeah I did that on the way here like I'm not when I wake up I like silence like I don't know some people like I'm living with my mom at the moment that's amazing 30 single unemployed you know homeless living with my mom not yeah no i do i

14:27
just the story could be more positive To be honest

14:29
I can catch at I got this morning first thing she does. He's put on Smoove. I love smoke. Yeah, it's great. But it's also not

14:43
just like there's nothing it's just chill.

14:47
When you finally meet him is just basically ads. It's like an infomercial. It's just like, and she he's like has everything up really lads. So like, this moment you wake up you just hearing that With a TV and she loves a current affair and it just like and I can't because I'm living in a house so I'm like, I can't say anything. But most of that for me is like allowing yourself that time to wake up or like sit in the car and just in silence and just let your brain do the to do list and think about the things and like I feel like that so you can weave it in in a way where you're not like sitting down singing all men chanting for you, you know tic selfing you know inquiry time so I feel like yeah, in real life that's maybe not that realistic especially if you know you got kids jobs you know what

15:37
it's like we are a product or like our environment what we're listening to it's sort of embodies you right so

15:44
are you are Tracy Grimshaw.

15:49
Jc still got it. I said that my brother came Rafa doula thought this would be a hilarious show to watch stoned.

15:59
Special On tonight and it was it was about like dangerous place into

16:07
jumping with joy like looking so happy and then it showed and then changed all the light colour shading to like black she was holding your name

16:22
dregs of society like what is the show it's so Hillier

16:28
only getting worse, it's only becoming more hyperbolic. So I was listening to I just like was doing some mindless work where I can listen to something while I'm doing it and find like some tasks I can only

16:38
say

16:39
focusing on it, but what

16:40
else can you do where you're not

16:43
sorting footage, like dislike things around like I don't need to listen or you know, anyway, so I had a live stream of some us news show talking about the corona virus and I just was watching like not even watching the footage before. Sitting and doing this thing. I just remember feeling like my shoulders are sore. They're like, yeah, yeah. And then I'm gonna fucking change this up. I listened to Ram Dass and meditation guru guy. And I just felt so much lighter, but I was like, that just fully changed how I felt like my body was feeling. And so now if I'm fully convinced about the runnable I'm also enlightened because

17:21
it does seep into your subconscious Even if you say subliminally. Yeah, like you're not aware enough to know that you like your shoulders going or you're stressed or all this kind of stuff. You know, you know, my mom, you know, having that shirt on in the background. It does go somewhere. And I've realised that like, from travelling, you have this like little microcosm of you know, Society of all these other fellow hippies like seeking something and searching and, you know, so I was talking to a mate about this that I was travelling with, and he was like, how are you going at home because this is the real test of like, being conscious and aware and like, you know, practising patience and like, you know, even little things like more consciously not just like shoving it in and and I was like, I think, you know, like your, your surrounding of all those other people. It really does normalise things and then when you're back I was for the first time in my life I've been like, I'm single, like, I feel like almost not sad about I had this moment like a best mates 33 I was like, I'm sorry, you know, but when I was living in Sydney, everyone was single focusing on their careers. And when are you travelling? everyone's kind of finding themselves. So it's like, what your surrounding is becomes your family. And then what and everybody is just having mortgage chat in Gmail, but I'm just like, I can't relate to that. And it's making me feel different or it's making me feel stressed or it's making me feel weird, but then you take me out and put me in another scenario. And I'm like, Ah, you know, I'm, you know, it's, I don't know, thriving here and have a lot to relate to here and then

18:53
inside the bubble, it's safe, right? So you're saying other people's bubbles or other people's sort of normality.

19:00
How much did your bubble change? Going from? Australian life to travelling? Like what was the biggest shift for you personally?

19:09
Um, that's a good question. I think

19:14
the biggest thing, I think I was just learning to trust more learning to trust life, really because I think um, I don't know I think most of us all of us really you kind of brought up in society to like, you know, you go to school and you get good grades and then you so you get into this uni course and after you do that uni course you're doing that because what is it equal? Everything is so like results driven, you know what I mean? And I think you kind of as a human or you know, like you you you lose that sense of like, creative play of just coming up, you know, sitting down and having a jam for instance, you know, if you play guitar if you're a singer, you know, like, everything for me previously felt very, like well, what am I getting out of this? I got, well, I'm gonna dedicate my, you know, the next year to move to bump Fuck nowhere to do these radio show, what am I getting out of it? Like, what's the result? You know? And I think I kind of get into that state of mind where like, if I'm dedicating an hour to this, it's going to equal this. And I think I realised that when I was overseas and like life doesn't actually, it doesn't work that way. It's not like a scoring system where it's like you put in your best efforts, and then there's surely that will equal, you know, what you thought in your brain it would. So I think it was for me and still is that process of like, learning to trust your curiosity as it goes, as it moves through it without really knowing kind of what where it will land.

20:37
So if you're using that path, or if you're going down that scoreboard route, what happens with like relationships and friends, because if you've accumulated or if you've created all of these relationships within that old system, and then you have this experience, do you find that you're like misaligned with heaps of people that you used to be aligned with?

20:56
No, it's funny. I my 30s a couple weeks ago, so I plan this one I was overseas which is a stunning financial decision to come back and drop two and a half grand on it

21:08
I got back and I was

21:10
sick

21:13
anyway Telstra

21:16
No You shouldn't have been paid to find good credit card balance transfer stuff. What do you do? What's your What do you mean? Like what do you do find a

21:27
balance transfer.

21:29
Actually Nevada credit card Oh, that's good. Yeah, so like you you're still doing stuff within your mate. It's not like because you hear the stories of like, like I've I've even gone travelling where I'm like, fuck Well yeah, what's five grand? Like we can pay this I can fucking pay this back. You know? I've got a whole lot right? Yeah, so you had so you deciding to spend 20 how you with budgeting make a decision of spending 2500 bucks dying away. She was on a few coronas. Matt it was, what do you need in the balance to like? You like, okay,

22:04
honestly, um, triple figures in advance

22:10
it's enough. I trust the universe something like it's over. No, but I've never been I've always been even when I earn lots of money I was really bad with money, you know how everything to everything is relative. So you kind of think, Oh shit, if I'm earning, you know, like, X amount or if there's another zero. Imagine how I'll leave in a mess. But everything you just eat out more a little bit. You buy a car that's a little bit more expensive, you know, like, go on a few more holidays and that, you know, you buy a few more drinks when you're out for your friends. So I never I, I think even when I was in a place where I was, you know, on a on a kind of decent wage, I still had that real battler mindset anyway, like, makes you sick of me. She's like, Oh, it's still Be like, as you say, you can afford to do this or like, you can get in, you know, like a new car if you want or you can, I'd still like our elders the best. I actually also have realised about myself, I really thrive being an underdog. Sure. So I think, in a lot of ways when that radio job kind of finished and I was like, Oh, that's a bit of a bummer. What am I doing with my life now? And it kind of Endicott suddenly I was like, I also have looked at that through a bit of soul searching as well and looked at that as a bit of a gift. Because even at that point, I was kind of like taking a lot of boxes. I was like, you know, in a in a solid relationship, good financial, you kind of you reach a point where I was like, this is this is all I've ever dreamed about for the last decade, and I'm doing it but I didn't know where to go next. Or like, what does that equal? You know, like, and I don't know if that's the kind of person that I am or the mindset that I've been in 10 years where I'm also always in hustle mode. Like what's next. What You know, and coming back and kind of, in a lot of ways, not being at the bottom, but kind of having to work hard and you know, like, you know, be humble and all those kind of things. I actually am probably the happiest I think I've ever been. Because I'm like, there's a sense of purpose. And there's a sense of building and there's a sense of like, motivation, you know, that I don't I think I lost a bit at one point.

24:26
Is it now not a sense of art one day, I'll be there. Like, I think that's a mindset of like people, the underdogs or people that are not there yet. They have that one day I'll be that Yeah, destination, leaving that one day. It's like it's almost like Tony, Tony Nash, who runs book topia very successful CEO saying about that, that mark that even that wording of our one day, but yeah, then giving power to where you currently are. And then some people like to get out getting out of this current situation. is uncomfortable yeah like you stay in the uncomfortable you stay in the comfortable over here now I'm not there yet hmm and so I mean it's all just wording in the mind but giving peaceful with having something not you know you losing the job or whatever it is like you then have to make peace with that and it makes more sense as to what it all meant anyway

25:21
I guess it's like finding a middle ground between like because I think you know when everybody's like I'll be present here be okay with what you know and there was so much of that overseas and I think sometimes there is a bit of spiritual ego with people you know, I'm a bit like I understand some of this bit of bit of it. It's a bit wonky, you know, like so take everything with a kind of grain of salt. So I think sometimes you can go too far either way, you can go too far in being okay with the present because I think it's also good to, to have a bit of an idea of where you're going and what you should shave and ambition and you know, like, all that kind of stuff, but I think I was to way too far. Leaving in the future. I think most of my, probably up until the last year and a half, maybe two years, my entire life was based on where I will be here. When I'll be happy when I have this when I figured out what I do when I get back to,

26:18
you know, when the toaster bill gets

26:21
all of that, and I think um I think I didn't realise it at the time because everyone it that's how we live our lives, isn't it? It's like, you know, we'll have time to do that project later. I'll get back to singing then I'll sort out

26:36
leave this in this perpetual state of like, like need, like, oh, not not enough as well. But like, the struggle, right? It's like we thrive on some form of a struggle. And if we're going a year away, I'll be there but right now Oh, I need to fucking get through this. And then it Yeah, it's like a carrot out on the sticker. You know, like it moves, it doesn't get any closer. And so you're in the struggle which We know is because it's like it almost in inspires us to move forward or does get us forward.

27:07
It's a bizarre thing I think having, I think having a bit of column A bit of column Bay so that you're like, alright with that you're accepting of the struggle. And that's how I feel now that there's so many lessons like even things that I'm like, Oh, what a drainer like, even things like, I mean, I love my mom. And but I mean, if I had

27:26
tried, you can call it

27:28
if I had an ability to be like, Oh, yeah, I'll just go rent in this suburb with my maid. You know, I probably choose that. But I don't. Yeah. And part of me is like, you know, you could sit in that and be like, Oh, my God really been your head about it. But then at the same time, I'm also seeing the lessons that are there in it, which is I moved away when I was 20. So I'm not saying I'm making up for lost time, but at the same time, I've had a complex relationship with my mum, you know, like most mother daughter relationships are most you know, people with their parents and and and having time to really narrow down and work on that whilst in the moment there are some times I might, navigating this is tricky, and it sucks. I also have that ability to kind of zone I always like in my mind's eye picture, like, I'm like a bird's eye view, like kind of going up and like looking and from being above and I'm like, this is a pretty stunning opportunity, and a pretty cool time in my life to work on this relationship with mom, or to work on, you know, whatever it might be a way to, you know, have this space, you know, even on this trip to figure out who I am and where I want to go, like that's a that's a gift. I got to have that space to be aware, you know that there is space. like that in itself is pretty cool. So I think there's that element of being like in the struggle and like I don't want to be living with my mom when I'm 40 but at the same time, I'm accepting that there is shit here that I need to learn that I wouldn't otherwise be learning.

28:53
Do you fall into habits from when you're a kid when you live with your mom?

29:01
Yeah, I think my mom Well, my mom is like a neat freak. Like to the point where like, she used to mine our bedsheets when she made the bed when we were young. Yeah. Which is a mad like hotel. And, and there are heaps of things that I like I noticed myself doing now like pretty OCD with all this kind of stuff. So like I'm, I find myself. Yeah, when I was a kid like I remember we'd be got, you know, 18 and you're like, you know, drinking the Smirnoff double blacks waiting for, you know, the cabs beeping at the front of 1130. And I remember friends of mine that knew my mom, and they were just like, now we've got to leave no trace of human life, you know, walk down the bench. There's bronzer, so I find myself trying to like trying to appease that element, maybe, I don't know, maybe there's an element of me being like, maybe there's some subconscious thing where I'm like, I shouldn't be here

29:55
to pretend I'm not I don't know. Yeah, but I think certainly you Without I can't think of any other ones maybe I'm so worried

30:06
that it's just you still opening the fridge looking man what kind of shit like instead habit let me go to the fridge my parents

30:13
like what have I done in there? Not much

30:15
really it's got healthier and healthier because I wanted to blow out there yeah I just want shit used to have juice as a kid you know like yeah

30:24
that's what got you excited? Yeah

30:25
well but i mean i'm just one thing what's in your fridge

30:31
there's a lot like mom had the fight thing is was That

30:34
was my throat

30:38
that was literally my that was well the thing is to actually donate a bit now

30:43
you can do it you can do it in the morning the stet like the stomach grumbling sort of shit, we're just hungry. Yeah, yeah okay.

30:55
Are you on the intermittent fasting ban? Well,

30:56
I've fucking tried everything but

30:58
when you forget to eight people Let's do calling that intermittent fasting Yeah,

31:02
well I tried it so if the girl I was travelling with she was like, I just have so much more energy not eating you know I was just like yeah same

31:11
I feel so sick

31:14
it's yeah what

31:15
was you when you were I would say how did you get the stomach bug when you're sick for firewall

31:20
truly seek from the day two that we were there well we went out and had bender on mezcal and tequila so that they didn't help

31:29
I was just I've never been that sick in my life. I've had like intense fight I've had a spinal fusion like really is a surgery diagnosis. Yeah, so I've got like all these screws cheering my back which is pretty cool party trick, but um,

31:41
what's the actual party trick with the screw and screws and

31:49
now it doesn't even work it I thought I thought it would be quite fun to go through airports and like the guy who does

31:56
but that was a pretty intense pain as you can imagine. Like Having a high impact try like drew drive through you spawn. But this pain was physically worse of these parasites. I just, you know that I'm seeing from Trainspotting. You know where he's coming off track. I'm watching these

32:13
guys. I never know movies. I'm pretty

32:16
well, it was heroin. Yeah,

32:18
yeah. So he's lying there and he's having all of these. It's Ewan McGregor is having all these like crazy saints and it's like it's terrifying. It's so dark and the snakes and babies crawling on the roof. It was basically that last shooting himself as well. Oh, it was just horrific like, and the only the only way I got rid of it was like doing this five day water fast. Because I tried three rounds of antibiotics. This lady didn't believe that. She Her name is Fran It was a friend of a friend and she'd been there for like 30 years. She said the only way you're going to get rid of it is to starve out the bug. So you can't you can't even have electrolytes, like

32:53
literally backed up to think that there's a bug just waiting to eat what is what it is.

32:58
So we all have them like Everyone has some kind of a power sorted set but some of them are worse

33:03
so you know when when we're online as well. What sorry

33:07
you can buy them online. Yeah, so it's like it's it's got yeah it's pretty fucked up but it's like if you like it's like healthy ones right like you know like it's like a weight loss type of thing. So like if

33:21
you do get skinny, meaty

33:24
that just makes you shave

33:27
to the parent like it's like a worm tapeworm diet.

33:30
Yeah, sorry. That is so messed up that is like a one on one eating

33:35
Yeah, well that's the whole thing because like I've because I used to be 120 kilos.

33:39
Daily did the parasite

33:41
Look at me now? If you hear any noises My stomach's

33:52
not good. That's what like the fucked up thing about like, if you had any of you talked about eating

33:59
fillet me I mean it's I mean it's probably known as like you know invoke is your fucking

34:05
I didn't believe me guys hashtag

34:07
oh no cuz I feel like the fact that part of my mind the idea of getting like whenever I've had anything happened like our belly belly or whatever it's like there's a part of me was I'm gonna be fucking I'm gonna walk away lane from the fact that

34:23
it's so bad hits

34:25
Did you fight like did you find like is there any vanity stuff in that stuff or any stuff that you realise from a psychological point of view

34:35
you want to do is not be shooting? Yeah,

34:37
yeah, maybe it's maybe I didn't have a bad enough

34:41
I'm a worm and see what he was how he fucking

34:44
I know it's fucked up but no I'm cute.

34:45
I get what you mean because everybody's like

34:49
you know like that's not you know everybody would would get sick and pretend that they're not kind of his you know, you know like really frothy on the fact that they've lost two kgs But let's face it most a lot of people for me it wasn't because I think my face went real thin and it didn't look cute

35:09
So in short night

35:11
so five ways to use staff the bag for five days five

35:16
days and it was horrific yeah like even just a roll over to roll over on the pillow. It would take like probably half an hour of like convincing myself like mentally to be able to roll over and then you add on the layer of like fear because you're really far away from home and I wanted what I was doing the right thing you know because then I've got you know dad you know messaging me going short you need to get to a hospital you know, like you need to get you know some kind of nutrients or electrolytes in you and I'm like Oh friend said Don't you know you just clean to anything.

35:55
I'd heaps of nodes

35:58
which friend a Local.

36:01
She was in New Zealand. So it was actually Sophie, the girl I was travelling with. It was her Nana's friend. So anyway, this is a weed connection. She went over in the like, what would have been the 70s to mix it? Yeah, so Mexico so she was loaded apparently she was in the art team and she went to buy she bought this huge amount of land in Mexico. And she was going to put a film studio on it. And then something happened and she turned it into this. Um, what's essentially what are those like? New suburbs called? Yeah, it was a she is made of a housing estate. So we rock up. And so I've got I've got this like weird like relatives that friend or whatever that leaves and she said, we can stay in at her pace for free for however long we want. And I was like, That's brilliant. Great. So we woke up at the address in an Uber. And we woke up there's these like big golden gates and there's the security guard and we said Are we looking for friend Where's friend's house and he's like, friend Oh, This entire place

37:02
Oh what like hit the jackpot. So this she says part of the cartel

37:10
digit is bungalow at the back in fact it was the could have been something out of grand designs but this is the little ship box that we were saying is a nearby so it was like and that's what I mean about hashtag trusting the universe because he I was so sick and when they mean these manky hostiles and you know, vomiting and diarrhoea like there was one point I thought I was on the floor of a Mexican hospital bathroom and that is for nobody right? Like just a bathroom in general let alone and Mexican hostel bathroom and I thought I was gonna die at that point. And genuinely I was I think,

37:47
Joe when you think you're gonna die, um, check Instagram.

37:53
I actually at one point did try and crawl on my hands and knees up to the staircase where Sophie was sleeping because out I I genuinely was like I'm gonna be busy I want to say goodbye and it's not gonna be cute on my pets as well cuz you know it's like you know have people say it's coming out both in time have a bit of a joke like, but there was one point where it actually was and I was just blood that's a dot question. There we took him that dog on the toilet

38:27
last here's the insides of his stomach through food poisoning in East Timor. Yeah, he reckons that's why he's got like IBS now because they like he went back to Sydney after like, he ate some mess and it was bad. And then how do you feel now?

38:43
Yeah, crazy months and months. Hey, antsy I was at

38:46
the beginning. Like nine months ago now. Oh, wow.

38:49
And then you say you weathered that storm and he continued to track Oh, yeah. bounce back guys. Trooper

38:54
Yeah. Yeah, back on the horse. Yeah.

38:57
And did you get it you get another phone and obviously

39:00
Yeah, the phone I've got now I bought a Facebook marketplace in one of the most corrupt areas of the world it

39:05
was stolen, it was definitely

39:07
stolen or there was I actually detect the case of to make sure there was no like, you know, drugs hiding in the back or something. And I was like, no genuinely because I was. But um, I kind of was also trusting my gut of the guy that I bought it from because he was like,

39:22
he was on the floor.

39:26
And they got that romaine, I was drinking hates it again, as I damaged it, but he was actually a missionary, the SCA. And I just got a good vibe from him through Facebook Messenger. And meet me at the shopping centre. And I was like fit by, cuz I don't want to go to his house. So you know what I mean? I could think that'd be like a safe for both of you and I and I was just like, yeah, you know, and he said the words my wife, my wife, you know, so I was just like, I'm getting a good rate off the sky and my card because I think been robbed so the cut the travel money card I had wasn't in the right currency or there's some bullshit I can't remember because life admin not as strong boy. So I couldn't pay him for the phone. And he and he had to go to make these other missionaries that were arriving to where were we? I don't know, it doesn't really matter Costa Rica or something. And, and, and I was like, I'm so sorry if you need to go and he was like, I feel like my mission from God right now is to help you and that's what I knew. I was like, my life's falling apart.

40:33
He's gone. It's like there's all these people I have to make your fuckup alive. He's more important to me to fix

40:41
is a photo of you on his fridge unresponsive.

40:49
Honestly, yeah, there are heaps of times, like even still now. Like,

40:54
what am I do here's my last two times that but I feel like I'm I don't know, I feel like life and like success and happiness can be measured on so many different scales, you know what I mean? So like, from the outer, like, there are so many people and we do it like, even when we know it's not the case, we still see it, like, oh man, you killing it, you know, like whether it's from a work perspective, or a relationship status, you know, a money perspective, whatever, that we just, you know, society values things in a particular way, you know what I mean? And then you could be ticking all those boxes and be fucking miserable. And there was a time in my life where I was, so I think, I've always got that side where I'm like, I don't want to get back to this soulless kind of on this trajectory where you're not really conscious and thinking about stuff you just kind of offered the next job with a bit more money so you move there and you kind of know this person and they know you so you stay in the relationship and you're relatively happy and you don't really know that much difference. So I feel like I feel that a lot of why's that is has been a real blessing because I know what the other side of that is, you know what I mean? Having a Have those like, killing it girl? Yes. But then on the inside, I was like, what does this all mean? You know,

42:06
have you watched the Taylor Swift document? I

42:08
have watched it on the flight back actually. Yeah, I liked it. There were some elements of it that I thought was that quite overproduced. But I think overall is an awesome message and I think I think it's also am a bit of an insight into something that the general public will never really understand. And that is growing up in this circus of being somebody where people are watching their every move and scrutinising somebody and like judging ever, like, I don't think our three will ever really understand

42:41
what's right for you. So

42:45
like, but growing up in that, yeah, you know, I was talking to mom about it because that um, who was it? I think they were talking about that Cory was his name's

42:54
Worthington.

42:55
Now the guy that's just come out

42:57
we're talking about cyberspace.

43:01
Cory the guy recently came

43:03
out or whatever he was talking about

43:05
some sexual assault.

43:08
And I was talking, I think, maybe some

43:10
recording a current affair because I feel like when I was staying at my parents, he's starting a new company. And I

43:15
know he was 100% on a current affair.

43:20
failure, he came out and say, I'm going to say somebody who's been worse than Harvey. That's right. Everybody in the world is gonna

43:28
know this. He said, there were lots of child stars that were in these like child paedophile kind of six rings, and I'm gonna, but there were a lot of scrutiny around like he actually telling the truth and blah, blah. So, you know, his name is

43:40
Cory. Somebody he named Charlie Sheen this person. I really yeah, that's, that's

43:45
Oh, anyway, so there are a lot of people going, is it true, is it not? But basically, I forgot was so awkward. Yeah.

43:51
Yeah. He's done a bunch of shows that I there were earlier than our general like,

43:55
it was The Goonies and it was, yeah, but um,

43:59
Berman's work. Random,

44:00
but we will never, but we will never know what that's like, I don't think you can kind of be like, Oh yeah, I can write shit. That'd be a lot of pressure. Wow, would it be weird not to be able to go to the supermarket, wouldn't it but or like to, for people to like say, Oh wow, she gained weight or she lost weight, you know and commenting on that, like, there's part of us I think that can cognitively go or that it's sad sometimes, but like I'd be pretty lit in others. But then I think the actuality of that would I just don't think we can ever really comprehend what that would be like. And I think it gave a bit of a, an insight into such a small like, half the documentary was about whether or not to put the tweet out, you know what I mean? Like, how many characters she's got to, you know, say a particular message. And I'm not taking away from that because she has such an incredibly powerful voice in it was at a time in US politics that it was even more powerful than ever before. Right? But I just I came away from that and I was like, what the pressure and and half of this documentary He's about whether to press publish on a tweet and that in itself like she's I think she's demonstrating how removed from society in reality she's because that is like a 12 to 18 month decision for her you know and it really gave me an insight into how serious secret societies and a lot of ways that the way that we're like we create that because we're all obsessed with particular people and more we want to know the ins and outs and we all need to like and I'm totally I say that and i'm i'm a psycho myself because I'm a part of it, you know like, but it's a weird life. We'd exist in

45:38
you could say like with what's happening now whether coronavirus is as bad as we think it's spreading, but it's like EDIS. Our fault is a society that has just been frothing over Facebook and like, yeah, it's gone. All that shit like that is why the economy is gonna fall apart.

46:00
Mama said to me last night she goes, I've lost 15 grand on my super, you know, because we're up because I was also like, well I mean what is living off?

46:11
Really if I'm not flying to Italy anytime soon I might get a bit of it you know and I had a night the works on the infectious diseases What are they offered and I would like they're not taking away from the fact that this is incredibly serious and you know, we should all be mindful and all this so please don't you know, think I'm sitting here like coughing over everybody else. But that she was also like, the only people who are dying from this that people that die from the influenza virus you know, it's it's similar in the sense that it's the elderly it's, you know, it's the vulnerable you know, like young children and babies and all that kind of stuff. So like, I was also like, what is this actually affecting? Like, I'm not saying it's not but then on a hard scale for me personally, I'm like, what's it affecting and then but but then when mom was like the assets

46:56
Oh, wow. Like in real life hard 10 That actually is pretty hackers or think about the flow on from events businesses to a friend yesterday that does speaking relieving to big corporate coming in half the events until may have been cancelled. Ah and so what saves his last two grand on his investments?

47:16
Yeah, Shema here

47:20
that like it is it's the flow on that we don't know. And so whether it's built off hype like you can build a career out of hype and such a heavy launch on the other side but it's still me

47:30
is building a career on hype

47:33
is definitely in this high impact based on hype.

47:38
I think part of the problem is because with hot everything it's like the boy who cries cries wolf is not the thing that cries The Boy Who Cried Wolf because the idea was that he said wolf

47:51
nine times in line the the wolf was and then it will find him. Yeah,

47:55
it's a bit like that. Like it where we who's the boy?

47:59
Yeah, that's right.

48:01
I'd like to i think it's

48:03
it's social media to everywhere everything is like, okay, like in that whole fake news book like all these different elements, everything is hyped. Everything seems extreme, everything seems important. And so then when suddenly potentially that is important comes along. We're like, Oh, hang on. Is this important or is this just another one of these other things

48:24
still confused with the wolf? Yeah.

48:27
The wolf is no that's a great quote. The wolf is the thing like coronavirus is Yes,

48:32
yeah. I think and the boy is

48:36
social media,

48:37
the bullies all of the little boys in title have

48:43
said that, but yes. What? What's your what's your strategy? What's your relationship with social media, especially after going away and documenting.

49:01
I'm addicted to it like everybody else. And as much as you know, you can work on yourself and be working, like go to Central America and think that you're, you know, spiritual later. We do a lot of vevo day, you know what I mean? That there are a lot of

49:19
tattoos tattoo. This is the only line. It's always like a line like tasos Yeah, and I feel like yeah, like it's all like the line drawing and very lucky to get in though, like normally booked out for six years.

49:32
Yeah. That's right. It's kind of like goes in the same pocket of Yeah, people that drink cold drip coffee. You know, like, telling people about podcast.

49:47
Every white person ever. I think that I think I know there are moments where I was like, I

49:55
needed to get offer and I and I recognised it, but I think there are other options. You

50:00
didn't the guy who stole your phone

50:04
because I was so bad with life admin and tech. I didn't know my passwords to anything. And I didn't have What's that one where you can all find my iPhone? Ah, yes, you didn't have that activated didn't have any of that shit. So like, the person would have had access to all my shit.

50:19
So you had a passcode on it though.

50:22
Now.

50:24
You have to

50:25
know it was all zeros. And I've got my laptop password is Apple

50:31
safe to secure?

50:32
It's a Windows computer. So

50:36
this is really I'm just gonna jump this is like a random digression but I did the coffee bit

50:41
if you guys have five minutes, I was uncomfortable about mentioning Taylor Swift. He said enough.

50:49
done everything that um, someone sent me an Instagram dm two days ago sent me with a screenshot and I said someone's pretending to be you on Tinder.

50:58
You're like, man, I love that man.

51:02
legit somebody has taken like screenshots of my photos from Instagram, and then put them on Tinder and said they 33 and their names clear.

51:12
And they leave in I don't know where it was like Warren died or something. Really?

51:15
Yeah, they're also living in their mom's house.

51:18
Do you think it's, do you think they're actually just pretending to be you and then trolling catfishing? Or they're in some kind of like, trying to use your identity to get

51:30
my name? I didn't use that. But I was just like this is it's just a weird world that we live in. You know what I mean? That is just a foreign concept even a couple of years ago that you would take screenshots of a real life person. Why don't take screenshots on my phone and not like someone?

51:47
I don't know. Yeah, it's Yeah, well, the more hotter thing I think, makes sense because like you, you want it to look realistic

51:59
and go extol. Ah, you know, she's the girl next door. She's a hot facilitator. I agree.

52:06
But I think that they're like, if all catfish participants Yeah, like models you wouldn't get like, the whole idea of a cat fishes. It's like, oh, that person's like, this could be or I'm still

52:21
I mean, how is your God experience?

52:24
were incredible. So pod pod, it was like misaligned which is that part of a cactus and I think there are a lot of people that like the same people that what that quote Joe Rogan like more than twice in a single conversation, which is also make i think i'm also also a white male UFC

52:46
fighter working actually time on

52:50
so I feel like there are a lot of people that like I wore skirts like a massive buzz word and like so it kind of should be like people look into it you know beyond like Joe Rogan talking about it because it's fucking fascinating. Like anybody that's a tiny bit intrigued about the way the human brain works or you know DMT and kind of like being curious into the way things kind of work which I certainly am so for years of kind of like, gone down the rabbit hole of like listening to different podcasts and reading articles and that kind of stuff because I'm like, fascinating but I was also terrified because I was like, I think I have the kind of brain that I was like, I would not come back. Yeah, it would really get like I know myself shut

53:33
your pants on that one.

53:35
Yeah, he's a watch on that Chelsea hammer.

53:39
Yeah, she's Yeah, vomiting for sure. fulminate

53:41
back shooting themselves. They're there. Um, what do you call it? They're the person that leads the ceremony. The Shama

53:51
shares shadows out

53:55
wit, because I watched your Instagram stories where you're like,

53:59
yeah, So anyway someone's described so I wanted that kind of mind bending opening like hot cracking open experience but I was also terrified of what I would say I think because I know that it unleashes not just fantasies and scary things but also like real legitimate fears, which is why I think people find it so terrifying, right. So to pick someone described the difference between pod and I was good to me, which was I Oscar is kind of like this harsh. You need to walk and say this and it's in your face and it's his truth and you need to accept it. Whereas, like, Current Affairs,

54:39
Tracy

54:42
Yeah, Tracy doing iOS, all the shit that would come from all the stores.

54:48
That it's Tracy Grimshaw with doing 100.

54:55
But then, that then pod is kind of like an arm around the shoulder where it's like how Friend, like, let's have a wander over here. I'm gonna show you this thing and it's the same thing. But like so you're gonna say the truth and there's some hard things you need to learn, but

55:09
it's all corners.

55:12
It's basically four corners after a few joints.

55:16
So, um, I don't do what that girl adjusts to. So your suit, yeah. Because I was intrigued about Okay, well, I know what it does to you, Brian, but like, what does it look like? How long am I suited? Like the look? Do I have? Where do I pay? Like the logistics of like, so anyway, I went to this yoga class and they said, there's a ceremony here tomorrow. And I was like, I'm not going to seek it out if it comes to I'm not going to get on Google. Okay. So I feel like that's what we end up in. That's we end up in trouble in Central America, looking for drugs. Okay.

55:43
And so what is your marketplace? What did your experience being prior to this in regards to like, trying different Have you tried a bunch of different stuff before now?

55:51
No, like I did mushrooms once and I cried. And that's basically it. Really, I'm not real drugs person, to be honest and If you identified with it I'd be worried if

56:02
anyone was a dignify maybe if you just smoked a little pot you'd, but then it becomes normal. Like it's

56:07
not even me. I'm not a pot doesn't I just feel tired? And I'm like, that's not

56:13
fun. Drug guy. Mm.

56:17
Oh, the pill.

56:18
A little bit stuck

56:20
on chip. I don't even know what drugs are. So I'd go to a music festival on paper like, do you want the D, the MDS? I'm like, give me one of days.

56:30
I don't know. So anyway, so I was thinking that I was like, if it comes up and I'm curious enough, I'll ask questions and whatever. So I went to this yoga class. I said, I'm just going to talk fast so I can just get this over with because I'm bored of the logistics. Okay, yeah. Okay. In his car, she's like, we're having the ceremony and I was like, seek book. So I booked myself in I went.

56:53
it slowed down.

56:56
And it was I hope my mom doesn't listen to this, but it was Like 2500 now What was it? I think was 200 us pretty expanding. I was like, but I was also like, I just had this feeling where I was like I'm gonna be worth it

57:14
it's gonna be

57:17
it'll be worth it. Well the yoga teachers a great salesperson,

57:19
yeah. Anyway, it's only three Telstra bill three months

57:24
went back there that not you sit around so it's the cholo people. They're these like, Ancient Tribe of Mexicans that were that was like, really bright clothing and they were these big hats with all these like colourful corks around them. It's kind of like a, a trippy Crocodile Dundee. There's this big circle of about, say like, it was probably about 50 people it was the first moon of the entire decade of the century of the decade, whatever. The first moon of January so I was like, this was like a really good time to kind of have one of one of those, because that was also soul seeking where I was like, What am I doing? Where am I going? And you know, not that I'm fine. I'm seeking answers to things here but I'm intrigued. Like a person that reads star signs that doesn't you know, like isn't reading too much into having co

58:10
star on your phone.

58:12
What's that? she's she's struggling to pay a bill

58:18
right you know, just down the

58:19
stars on screenshot

58:20
screenshot the Aquarius every month in general, be appreciated. But anyway, those who speak great, the circle page circle of hippies sitting around there's this massive fire in the middle, right? And then they kind of explained to you that they you sit from 730 at night right through until midday the next day. So you're they asked you not to sleep because you won't get the full effect of the plant medicine because I was calling it a drug for people I like none of that correct me they're like it's not a drug. It's a medicine. It's a plant medicine which was used by these people you know, for centuries to awaken their consciousness and open their third eye and have these crazy experiences that they Then put into the arch

59:04
we worried about your back sitting up for that long

59:08
I'm no

59:12
longer time

59:15
Josh my bags fucking killing me easily

59:17
took my laptop there like

59:21
I didn't trust to leave in in a hostel so there was one point I was tripping balls leaning back on the bag with my laptop in it and I kind of came to and I was like she is the most expensive item iron out to be crushed. How did you have it? They I mean,

59:36
this foam cookers something it's

59:38
in a drink. So it's disgusting it makes you like wanna dry rage but you So anyway, they sing these like songs those way or one way or like the so and they have this shaker. And it's kind of you keep having these, these moments where you go out of your your body, you know into real life mind where your minds talking and I'm like VCs And we're

1:00:01
sharing a jug like is everyone using the same cup to drink out of

1:00:05
coronavirus?

1:00:07
Is it like a shit like I can imagine like a tribal thing

1:00:09
ladies it's like this so they like spoon it into and you have a cup. So anyway, you're praying to abuelo which in Spanish means fire godfather fire, you're only allowed to walk around the the fire one way and you're going to the fire and people making sacrifices and offerings. So you go in a laptop you want. I was holding on to that pretty tight that I am, you thought you give one thing to the fire that you want to let go of and then you ask for one thing. And for me, I was like, I want to let go of fear and I want to bring in trust. So you go around, you have your cup which is like really thick. It's almost like this green pad. It's kind of like matcha is really similar the texture and so you cannot gulping it down and it's horrific in the moment makes some people vomit. A chick was vomiting

1:00:57
and you're looking around at the people What was the crowd like?

1:01:00
Oh TPS, really hippy. Like here I am in my Lorna James and people are just like in tie dye excetera I definitely didn't fit in from a visual perspective. Any hostile banter where you're from how long you've been travelling? Yeah, there's a bit of that in the beginning, actually that people are lying at the crystals and

1:01:18
nervous tic for travellers. It's like, Where have you been?

1:01:21
Cuz I was scared as shit. When I sat down. I was like, I don't think I've really thought much about it. Because I booked it that day and someone had spoke to on the way there. They said, If you read up about it, do you know what it really does? Do you know what it is? And I said, No, I actually have, I've not read a single thing about it, but I kind of liked it because I was like, I'm going to terrify myself or go in with a preconceived idea about I think that's also a fear, like a hole that we get ourselves in. I'm going to go on this trip and find myself or I'm going to go and take this plant medicine and realise what my true calling is in life as I just want to go in open

1:01:59
on your laptop on right Today as you dislike, just Hi. It's fun. I love I love this idea that like, yeah, the trauma element of reading the comments. Oh

1:02:17
yeah, I was gonna make an ass joke. I probably won't, because that's a bit dark.

1:02:22
And so you drink it. How quick does it hit you? How quick? Do you feel different? I

1:02:26
was sitting around and I felt almost like that first time you drink alcohol. Like, I feel different guys. Am I feeling this? Now? I'm not feeling it. Am I convincing myself that I'm feeling or am I actually tripping and actually think feel like I was feeling nothing. And it can take a couple of goes and I actually had three cups which is afterwards I spoke to one of the girls and I said oh my god, it was really strong. And I said oh, how much did you have those she said I couldn't even finish the first cup. I had three which you keep getting up and if you bear kind of alike not ring the bell but it's kind of like time to stand out. And in between, you're kind of like lying, they're kind of tripping you in and out of consciousness. And I stood up, and I was like, I still feel like I want more. And after the second part, I still was like, coming in and out of like, a thinking mind where I was just like, commenting on things, whereas that maybe it's I had a third cups out there. And long story short, the voice that I kept hearing was my grandpa. His name is Alan, though he's calling puppy Alan. He died when I was 14. So I never actually met him. And I don't know how and I've spoken to people that are quite cynical about, you know, like family members. And they're like, well, how'd you notice him? How do you know His voice sounds like, oh, did you see him and I was just like, I just am so sure that I don't even need to explain it to a point where it convinces you like I know it was. And so the voice that I kept hearing and of that, letting go of fear and bringing in trust, it was like this really gentle, soft, masculine kind of safe prison. But he was laughing. And and he was just that you've just got them around the wrong way. He's that you've got to trust the fear. And I was like, Ah, okay, I get you know, and I was scrolling down notes when I was tripping balls because it was also it was it was scary. I was scared because I was on my I was on my own, like, I kept coming out thinking the person next to me was a guy that I'd been dating. So I felt because he was like, kind of looking after me. He was he kept like, patting me on the shoulder and being like, Are you good? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And I kept coming in and out. And thinking it was him and then realising that it wasn't. And the fact that I was alone, I think was also maybe a fear of mine. So it was really scary, but I think I think that was such an insight and such, like a big takeaway for me that I am that I it's so simple that you can go to somebody or you could read that in a quote book anywhere, like trust the Fie guy. I've probably heard that a million times in a podcast. I've probably you know, read That in some kind of Oprah quote or you know by Gabby Bernstein, brilliant, like, Did I really need to go through that process to have that instilled in me, but I think I did. And I think everybody goes through things in their own way to learn things when they need to how they need to and it felt it felt like I don't know, it felt like something that back at stack I can't go back from unseen or hearing that.

1:05:25
Do you want to travel more? Or are you in the state of wanting to like set up routes?

1:05:31
Nah, I want to I want to travel. Yeah. I feel really cool to go to London. Yeah, so I probably do that. Right.

1:05:40
Yeah, you can get to us country. I was gonna say yeah, just 1030 Can you do it? Yeah. Again, as you said, one, yeah, get to ease into

1:05:50
I feel often that I've lived my youth in reverse. I feel like I have my you know, proverbial ship a lot more figured out at 24 than I do it. You know, like 30 like in from I don't think internally and spiritually knowing myself and all that kind of stuff because I think in a lot of ways I'm more in tune and in touch with you know, like what lights me up and why I'm actually supposed to be here etc etc. But I do feel I do feel the pressure like and all my mates are turning 30 and you know going to their birthdays and things I do feel a bit out of it. I do feel everybody any Melbourne because we this is home we grew up here so a lot of my mates in Sydney are kind of like you know, not taking shit from guys and not settling for people that they don't kind of know they deserve and kind of really working on themselves and focusing on their career so that you know, like I was saying before that didn't that just felt like my normality but then coming back to Melbourne and being in that like marriage baby mortgage chat. I'm like, I don't really I know I want all of this. So I almost feel like I've got the corner puzzle piece but I don't feel like timing wise. I'm not getting Like I don't feel and because I know I want all of this to settle here home where I grew up with my family and I had that, that really big realisation overseas. I am. I feel like I almost owe it to myself to be like, Okay, well that bit sorted. So you're never going to be as free or have the ability to go and do this little bit before that part. You know what I mean? We don't have all of those things tying me down if you're not going to go now when

1:07:25
you feel like you are starting to like evangelise or do you like when you see your mates doing this? And you've seen the other option? Do you catch yourself like giving advice?

1:07:36
No, because I'm not one of them. Now, I'm not one of those people that that goes to Bali and comes back and gives people spiritual advice. I'm not how to find these in in shear. But I think

1:07:47
what happened when you're in those situations where you're hearing people talking about mortgages and all that sort of shit. And you're like, Fuck, you guys have got this around. Like now like you don't even think

1:07:58
it's nice. I don't think people I don't think they've got it the wrong way. I honestly think one of my, um, my biggest pet peeves in life are people that speak from a peace, a place of experience when they don't have experience. And I think with the power social media, it's a really rocky ground, you have to have the ability to discern when to listen to somebody telling you how to fix your life via you know, a subscription that's going to cost you X amount, you know, like, or this diet plan when you're not a nutrition but you know, I've got a six pack and, and hot pics on Instagram. So like, follow me and adhere to this and download my app. I just think I really have really realised about myself. I am a very curious person. I asked quite a lot of questions, and I will never ever be in a place it's always said about the underdog thing. I've never been in a place in my life where I think I've figured something out. Or I can I can speak from a place of knowing Because I just even when giving advice, you know, like, I don't even really give people advice on what I, I think it's really important to ask questions like, oh, how did that make you feel or jerkin? Maybe like, this could be an interesting take, like, my place. And I always realise that even in, in, in radio, like, you know, when you're on a, you know, it's all about like, what's your character trait? Or you know, what kind of person are you I was always there not the dumbest, but I was always like the Oh, like, you know, I'm kind of playing that because it is a very big part of my personality. So I feel like honour those character traits are amplified, whatever they may be. And for me, it was always that sense of curiosity and asking questions and, and I am, well it makes sense to be in society with an understanding of who you are. But then that is also a contributing

1:09:49
problem, right? identifying with who you are because then it's just with multiple choice, you're anchoring it into like this. This version of a person like what you're saying like writing, it doesn't very well like any kind of presenting or acting. Like, you need to sort of like understand your core traits and then sort of amplify all that stuff. And so, but there is a there is a version where you it's it's productive to have some elements of understanding others, but not it being yeah you are and just like not well, that's the guy I am or the girl I am you know,

1:10:23
yeah, and I'm not saying that I'm, I play down what I I think they've certainly been times I have to feed him with whatever, you know, needed to kind of work

1:10:34
down. Yeah, where were you going with that playing down? Like you string strings?

1:10:37
Yeah, I think so. Sometimes, like, maybe pretending not to know the answer. So I can ask the question, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not talking about in, in real life or in relationships or things like that. But like on air, for instance, I'd be like, I kind of I kind of know the answer, but this is gonna be interesting because there'll be other people that don't know so and empathy for the audience as well. But also I always just look at, um, I mean, let's look at Oprah. Like there would be so many. Like how many, she would have had thousands upon thousands of conversations with them with the brightest minds the most spiritually aware, like, that'd be sort of soaking up a lot in no time. You know what I mean, when you listen to the way that she still crafts, her interviews, and she comes from a place of, you're the expert, tell me, and there were questions that she asks that I'm like, she probably kind of knows the answer. I would totally know the answer. But there's always more shit to learn. So I think I will never ever in a personal perspective in my friendships, relationships in and family. I don't, I will never be that person. That's like, well, what you really need to do is be more conscious of the way you might Fuck that. I actually. Yeah, I'm just not about that. I actually find Quiet um

1:12:02
I think it's almost offensive and small minded when people do

1:12:05
Do you find that like, I can imagine going through a big life transition like you had gone through those people come out but like everyone

1:12:16
puts their two cents in this is what you needed.

1:12:19
Which is part of like realising just been like, this person's a fucking dirt like the people who are like think that they have it all together the people who are throwing out advice normally are the ones to be worried about like because they they're not open

1:12:34
mind I think yes or no because I truly think that there's stuff to learn from everything. So even when you completely disagree from somebody's perspective or their piece of advice, there is still something to learn from that which is, you know, like a discerning why they're giving that that piece of feedback because, you know, then it teaches you a little bit more about that that person or that personality or they're coming from a place of fear, you know, and although They are trying to help. There's there's something that you can learn about them being worried about you. So that that in itself is something to learn even if the the advice or the feedback itself, you're taking zero, you know, the way that they tell you or you know, the body language in which they're telling you, you're like, Oh, shit, you know, I need to assure this person that I'm okay. That in itself is brilliant. Like, that is a stunning thing to learn. So, no, I'm never someone to, to bat, you know, advice or feedback or stuff away. I genuinely like. And I think the best people in life are those people that are like, give it all to me. And then it's up to me to take the bits and pieces that I kind of want to take and piece it together. And I think that's your job truly as a human to like, piece it together and discern, you know, what parts you take, what parts you leave, because I think that builds you to be the person that you are

1:13:52
or anyone giving advices using their own experience, right. Yeah. And so yeah, I mean, that's where you prefer, you can pray This is what I did. Probably not necessarily how you need to do it with questions. Yeah, it's like my experience plus some questions is a good way to sort of find some answers internally.

1:14:11
You were an early adopter when it comes to podcasting with the thank you girls. When you look at where things are with podcasting, now, how do you reconcile it or wait, like from that unique perspective that you're in? Where do you see the whole space?

1:14:26
How good's that timing? But we've just started a podcast nine years ago, and it runs out what's the podcast? like? What does that mean? I mean, if everybody saw a podcast a lit we're like,

1:14:36
yeah, we're gonna do

1:14:40
some fun. He's a good Tommy t kids, but

1:14:45
even on the way here, moms that I said are gonna go do this podcast. Yeah. And she said, are they too?

1:14:54
Nice. Yeah, that is, and still she goes what's that again?

1:15:02
I swear, she's like white, white, white, white, because it was this line I was used to tell her I'm like, it's a radio show you can listen to when you buy. I know it's a radio show I can listen to when I like, but how do I do it again?

1:15:17
Have I taught you nothing? How do I reconcile it? Oh,

1:15:23
I do really, I really believe in through a bit of soul searching. I do believe in

1:15:31
creativity and storytelling coming through in different ways. You know what I mean? So I think I'm for really, for a really long time. That was such a big part of our lives, you know, and if you were to listen from episode one right through to I don't even know buddy, what episode we were up to.

1:15:47
It was a lot a lot. A lot. He seven will tell you. You're doing it. Even like when you were regional. Yeah, like you and Stacy. We're doing it remote.

1:15:57
Yeah, we were and we did one like one every week. Probably over the course of Filipinos I use a lot. I started when I was we started I was like 21 I think I'm 30 now so it's a long time 22

1:16:11
was it always that I got the vibe that it was at its core a mechanism to get the radio show? No, no, it wasn't not saying

1:16:20
the complete opposite. It was like

1:16:23
what you said happened?

1:16:24
Well, cuz Yeah, cuz I want it cuz I remember thinking like this is going to be its own thing now on living, I think but the but I guess we're went with the radio stuff. And I think there was like, You guys were doing like pitch or like always dancing and stuff like that.

1:16:40
It was all it began from like, early stage it was this acceptance that we will never be able to have a radio show that talks about the shit that we want to. So it was quite the opposite. And it was like that, in a way like an anti radio show. So you'd have all of these like, Cool thoughts and conversations. You're like, well, this is never gonna fly. Unlike over radio like so,

1:17:04
which makes sense how often in life is when you're focusing on something else the thing happens like, you're not wanting the radio show. That's right show comes from you.

1:17:14
That's right. That's right. So then what needed to change in your mind to then say, you know what, this national radio gig, we could make this work? Did they say, look, you can talk about what you want.

1:17:27
And literally, it was like, all the things that you thought you couldn't do on radio. We want all of those things on radio. So it was the fucking big dream come through, because it was like, not only it was like the best of both worlds, because not only is there a radio show, and when you're like that, that's a dream job. But not only have you got that you can do the kind of content that you want. So if you've heard the rules, like if you've heard it on a show before, we won't touch it,

1:17:52
yeah. And pineapple on pizza type of deal.

1:17:56
Oh, we did that.

1:18:02
You scrunch or you fold out like genuinely very top. Yeah, no, it actually is though. Is it got enough

1:18:07
toilet paper at home?

1:18:09
I'll leave it at my mouth.

1:18:11
So yeah, imagine

1:18:12
I mentioned toilet roll, you know, like uni, like it fret place. You see a house car? Yeah, I think

1:18:21
he's a thought. steal it from restaurants. I

1:18:24
said they were there was a bunch over the weekend. Now I was like, You know what?

1:18:31
I'll wash my ass in the shower.

1:18:34
Wash in the shower. Why not? Just

1:18:39
we did a whole episode on that one.

1:18:41
waffle stump. No.

1:18:44
I have heard that's a stumpy. Oh, yeah. But surely that's going somewhere in the dry especially if you're go with long hair like me. You know how he gets caught in the dry maybe shape body?

1:18:56
Not under the dry now. How do you get in there?

1:18:58
I mean, it's tenants I've had to clean out of fucking dry and you just don't want a woman's hair like long. Really? furball disgusting.

1:19:08
And you don't want it like if you were shit in the shower type of person. I mean geez the the sink, what is it cold? What's the

1:19:18
bison?

1:19:21
Like it's um, if it was getting old

1:19:24
if it's water if water is pulling up in your sink usually could have a high chance that something's clogging

1:19:31
the drain. That's what I'm trying to say the thing is if it get if the drain gets clogged up in your shower, Sheila straightaway, oh,

1:19:37
yeah, it's like

1:19:41
self identifying shower shooter. I'm sure that I'm sure I'm sure there is what you were talking about those like not be not being married to the medium, right. And so podcast.

1:19:52
Oh, yeah. But that took me a little out of figure out because literally I got my first radio job when I was 20 and then at 28 kind of came Out of that bubble, you know, up for a going well, like, what kind of life skills do I have? Firstly, can spin a good yarn? That's about it when Christie and then was I also realise that because I think it's such a demanding kind of medium. It shouldn't just be contained to write it because I feel like sometimes you listen to radio, the other people talk about, you know, they think they're the only people in the world where where these rules apply to, I think if you've been in any kind of industry for you know, so the better part of a decade from 20 to almost 30 agency, yeah, whatever, whatever it is, he come out of that field and you and you kind of go, Oh, shit, okay, well, what can I do? What do I do? And I think there was this beautiful realisation for me where I was like, it's not just about being on the radio, it's about using my voice to tell stories and that can be through writing that can be through creating content for other people that can be through singing. And for me returning to singing was something that I have really enjoyed because I think I told myself for Yeah, for that entire time that I worked in radio that I was like, too busy to do it. And it was that fear thing that I was like, I'll you know, I'll get around to it at some point and he just kind of get drove off to jail. And you genuinely have no time for it. So I was able to sit in the fear of he's using that as a bit of a facade. And and I think in the society that demands, well, who are you and what do you do? Or can you sum it up in a neat little bow for us and chuck it on your Instagram bio, I really struggled with that for a while because I'm like, Well, I can't put a radio presenter I can't put TV put, I can't put right up because I am none of those things completely, but I am kind of all of them. And I think I really struggled with that. Or you know what I realise it indicting it. When I first became single people what do you do? It's like a you know genuine like an obviously obvious first question and and there were some times be like, ah, I don't actually know people are just so unsettled by it because it's like, what do you do and even if you are open and work on whatever and even the most these I myself You still guilty of it somewhat you know you'll make you know one person and they could give you three different answers I'm a Garbo I'm a lawyer or I'm a I'm on the dole or whatever and naturally, you have these unconscious bias towards what they say okay, sick Yeah, so I'm going to relate to in this way so I'm going to pop you in this box because Okay, here's my gear about how you know I can relate to you and and get paid. That's what I've heard is like your society or societal standing is defined so much these days on what you do for a job because And I realised that not being able to answer when I had previously my entire life being able to answer Oh, what do you do? I work in radio. Oh, cool. Wow, that's, you know, and, and I wasn't able to wow or impress people anymore and it made me think like, well who am I out of the constructs of that job? Who am I and what are my skills and and what else can I offer?

1:23:23
So you started a YouTube channel isn't meditations and migrated Yeah. And was there a bit of that where it's like this brand or doing this thing gives me a purpose to go over and like, g eventually get comfortable with like, I actually don't have to fucking be turning this into a job.

1:23:45
I think I'm not the kind of person I'm sure you guys would be the same. Like it's fun to sit on the beach and sip cocktails for like, what, two weeks three weeks maybe and then I'm like my brains turning to mush. You know, like I need. I think that's the kind of person that I am that that element of like seeing things and being like, that's a great story or like, Oh my god, you know, you meet this person that's over 100 and you just like the life lessons that they would have that needs to go somewhere, even if it's like, on my on an Instagram post that I write myself, you know, like, I think, um, I think I get bored really easily, which is like a real blessing. And it's a real curse as well, because

1:24:25
yeah, my dad, my dad was like, you need to pull your finger out, like, what are you doing? Just fuck someone and stick to it. I'm like, yeah, fair enough. But like,

1:24:33
so what is it? What How do you reconcile that now? Like, what? Because there's a bit of that. That's like, yeah, fair enough. But then it's Yeah, going through a transition period of working some stuff out, I think matters to you.

1:24:47
I think for me, and that's actually why I went away, I think cuz I was just like, in Sydney, and I was like, singing a bit and I was like, it started working on a podcast with another guy and I was like, but I just felt like I was doing it. To do it, yeah, and because it's kind of what I knew how to do. And in a lot of ways I missed it, I missed, like, not not just radio, but I missed, like, I'm telling stories and like servicing that part of that creative part of your brain, you know that. I don't know, you used to connect to people and you know, whatever. And also, I think, work through your shit. In some ways, cathartic? Eddie's It really is. So I think I'm, I'd certainly different meanings and I was like, Am I gonna, and at one point is like, I'm gonna write a musical. And then I was like, I'm gonna write a TV show. And then I was like, I'm gonna write a book. And then I was like, Oh, I'm gonna write an album. And I'm just like, just pick one bro. And I realised that like, I couldn't do just one of those and be fulfilled, like I couldn't put my heart and my soul into spending the next 18 months, living and breathing a musical that I'm writing, putting my blood, sweat and tears into And then going back to what we're talking about before the the, you know, the What do we have to show for it at the end? And being okay. Because I think this is a true sign of whether you really want to do something or not. It's like, would you do this podcast? If at the end of it, you don't have a radio show? Would you do this job if at the end of it, you're not famous and rich? Would you write this musical if at the end of it, you kind of did a few little theatres, and that was it. And I was like, I'm not passionate enough. And I was scared for a while because I was like, maybe I'm not passionate enough about anything to do it. Like, I'm equally passionate about all of these things, but not passionate enough about one just to do it and not have a um, an outcome. So I was like, worried I was worried about myself, cuz I was like, Well, what does that mean? Like, what do I Where do I put my energy, the thing that you've

1:26:51
so if you work out something that you are willing to do with no guarantee about the result, it's going to be a painful thing. Like you It just makes sense that that equation equals a whole bunch of pain and uncertainty that you have to wait. That's right. And so then there's the high chance of it not working. Because there's no, there's no promise.

1:27:11
And that's what the podcast thinking was was like, there was never any promise of anything, you know, it was kind of it was that it was almost at the empty promise was like, Well, fuck you, we're going to go do this over here. And then became something. So I think, um, I think in a way, so much of a part of my life that there was a passion project that was service where it didn't need to be or do or perform or or be anything. And then when it did, I was a bit lost. After that. I was like, well, to reconcile. I was like, Where am I pulling, because I am a hard worker and a hustler. And it doesn't, you know, it doesn't necessarily need to be a need to be an amazing commercial success, but it certainly needs to be a success in my heart where it lights me up and makes me feel fulfilled and gives me purpose and I had all these major He's a different people in different clubs and nothing really just felt right. So I was like, and that's when so he and I were talking about she was going overseas anyway. And she's a producer and we work together. She produced our show, actually. She was a radio producer at cogeco and was a producer and survivor and had to tell him what have a background and but we will also want to really similar live space where we're like, YOLO you know, let's go and figure some things out. So it did went over in and did that. Just for funsies really, like there was no pressure on it. And there's clearly not because we've got about 18,000 videos that we never fucking edited because we were like, it's more fun to like meet people and go to beach parties.

1:28:44
Carnival we ended up doing To be honest, we didn't try and get smart right trying to hack finding the thing. Yeah, we can then do with no promise at the end. It's like, Yeah, but then half of it like this podcast, right? We've had heaps of cracks at different shit. Yeah. And I thought oh, Be down a different path. And it's like marriage, the medium video being the you know, and then you find consistency, which is like hyper rewarding within the story. You know, it's all it's all those things right storytelling, but it's different to what I thought.

1:29:15
Yeah, there's this card that in these Angel guidance cards that I don't I'm not that much maybe better. Or maybe I have actually, you shocked you.

1:29:25
Yeah, you shadow

1:29:26
them and I'm as I'm holding my crystals in sheet that I got blessed with that ceremony. And I'm also wearing nothing but feathers.

1:29:35
So I'm sitting there naked, my feathers now. There's this card and one of the I can't remember what it is, but they have different meanings, whatever. And one of them is, it's your life's work to figure out I'm going to have Yak. What do you call it paraphrases Something about like, it's your life's mission to figure out what makes you tick and what lights you up but it is not life's responsibility to turn that into a job into a nine to five, you know, like, because we're also looking around and so have this idea that they're both married to each other, you know what I mean? where it's like, your job has to be your passion and your passion is your job. And

1:30:17
as a side hustle. That's right.

1:30:18
And, and, and I think there are so many musicians that I know that were full time musicians that just said, I quit music completely, because it totally took any bit of joy or love out of it. Because I had to then make it a career. I had to do gigs that I didn't want to do. My musical integrity was compromised, and it took the love out of me. So that's something I do in a band in once a month on a Saturday and we'll have a fun jam together. But essentially, coming back from that trip, I've realised that I want to be doing music. So I'm writing Yeah, and collabing with a few different people at the moment.

1:30:54
And I'm not saying that the one and only thing I'll ever do, but I feel like that's where my heart is at the moment. Like,

1:31:01
yeah, is there any learnings from being on like doing podcasting and being so honest, like, you know, opening up about things that you might not even talk to mates about in just sort of everyday, or everyday conversation? Looking back? How do you sort of

1:31:20
say, yeah, I think at its core, that was it, I think and that goes back to what we're talking about when the podcast started. What do you think anybody was gonna listen to it? So it made it, you know, like, it made it easier to like, be really open and honest. And, you know, talk about really challenging relationships with a best friend, if you 99% sure, the best friend will never hear it. You know what I mean? It's another thing to be able to navigate that conversation knowing full well, they probably will, or if it's a conversation with your best friend, you know. So I think in a way that kind of built up a bit of a muscle that made it this safe space knowing that no person is going to ever listen to this and then when it kind of became bigger and more people did stop Listening you I think I had the courage and the bravery and the MMA and that it was it was a muscle that you kind of are strengthening consistently over. So let's say people start listening after a couple of years. Well, you're just like an open book anyway. So you don't it doesn't really matter whether people are listening or if they not. But I think if you were to just be handed a show where there are thousands of people listening to it, and it was like, Alright guys, let's talk about your deepest, darkest secrets and or, you know, something that nobody knows about you. There's no way. There's no way he was not genuine, right? No. So I think I'm a learning in itself. I think it was a learning of how to vocalise and be open about deep dark things inside of you that you think nobody else has. And you might feel like a weirdo to say out loud and you might, you know, get in trouble was talking about the person that eventually hears this, but there was the story Real, a sense of responsibility to consistently be authentic and honest, even when it hurt. And it wasn't comfortable. And even if he didn't really, sometimes I didn't really want to. But I was like, This is what we do. And this is what I do. And this is who I am. It's kind of part of my DNA to kind of share all of the parts, not just the shiny ones. So let's hop to it.

1:33:29
And so when you finish that, did you feel that missing from your life like having that sort of structured conversation of honesty and openness?

1:33:39
I certainly missed the structure of just in general, just in law, but um, you should say the schedules I would make for myself, I'd be like 7am wake up sevens in 15 breakfast. Because I was like, I need to give myself you know, like, that was really important. Also, I saved a minute

1:34:01
I would say a 15 or 20

1:34:03
showers

1:34:07
when you shower, but

1:34:15
never allow

1:34:16
that. It's when you get the urge and in the shower sometimes I'm like, do I jump out wet? Don't then jump back. I

1:34:24
just feel so unclean. Yeah,

1:34:25
it's revolting.

1:34:28
toilet. Why is the toilet so?

1:34:35
On that note, Christina, thanks for coming.

1:34:38
This guy's got a post.

1:34:42
We're alive. So you might be in London sometime soon. That's, that could be happening

1:34:49
anyway, I'll just do the podcast anymore. So I'll just put like real long winded posts on my Instagram and I appreciate it's working really well for my dating saying Oh, really guy went out with the other day I was like you share a lot on Instagram. And that was it.

1:35:05
Yeah, this is going nowhere.

1:35:08
Perfect. It's an early talk show.

1:35:11
It's closed the grumps the wrong thing. The stickers. You can't get stickers anymore. You'll be getting your stickers

1:35:17
soon though sent on Monday.

1:35:18
Yeah, but if you if you go to the daily talk show.com forward slash gronk so you can still sign up and we're doing a bunch of caution. What are we doing selves? That sort of thing outside again the stickers so you missed out

1:35:28
on that Yeah, I will open again bad What else?

1:35:31
Oh boy. Yeah, you're gonna be able to come in. We've got a catch here that you can come and join us we had wine Fridays. Join us right so

1:35:41
Christy, you can catch

1:35:45
it up for you but it doesn't have a fold out. Now take it.

1:35:50
I have a blue with my mouse

1:35:52
on the door.

1:35:54
You will see you also will we'll put out our video of us doing edibles, so yes. more stuff to come perfect

1:36:01
isotopes I said Mr. guys say yes