No Spend...

Josh: Wait a minute!

Tommy: Frostface! The Daily Talk Show, a conversation sometimes worth recording with Josh Janson and Tommy Jackett. It's a Daily Talk Show episode 237.

Josh: Ah, it's a hot one.

Tommy: You're just cracking a can.

Josh: Yeah, just cracking again. And this is fizzy water. It's not beer, definitely not beer.

Tommy: It's fizzy water with a hint of natural flavorings.

Josh: Yeah, well, too early for a beer on a Wednesday at 1:30 PM, but I'll definitely smash a few of these. We're trying to get a sponsor is what we're saying.

Tommy: Well, you and I were talking about the idea that if we were to have any type of sponsor, we're not going to do ads, but what we could do is have a company, because Red Bull is known to do this.

Josh: Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to supply a fridge. Like, we're not wanting to make any money. That's the thing.

Tommy: Like, we just give us fizzy water. Just give us fizzy water. Do you think there could be effects on having so much fizzy water that we get sick?

Josh: Maybe some gas. Maybe the gas will come out the other end, which I'm okay with. It's bad enough as it is.

Tommy: LaCroix is the big one in the States. We were having, um, What was it called? What was the 365?

Josh: What was it? Yeah, 365. I think that's where they go for Whole Foods.

Tommy: Yeah, they have their own brand.

Josh: Amazon, who own it now. It's their brand.

Tommy: But it was cheap as chips. We've been talking a lot about groceries. It's been a very, it's sort of like a consumer watch show that's become.

Josh: Please no more.

Tommy: No, well, we actually got an email from Rowie. It's got some details on the fruit stuff that we're talking about.

Josh: All right, more fruit chat. Yeah, last bit of fruit chat for the week, uh, because this is almost a, uh, this is like a conspiracy.

Tommy: It's a— we need to get, uh, Conspiracy Jimmy on the case. By the way, 1:30 PM here. Yeah, in Melbourne, 33 degrees atop today. Dubai, guess what time it is in Dubai?

Josh: Um, love this game, 3:30 AM.

Tommy: 6:30 AM.

Josh: Not bad. It was pretty— 3 hours, 3 and a half hours.

Tommy: Dubai, fun fact, we'll be there in 2020 for World Expo.

Josh: Set your goals high, guys. Even set your goals really far away too. So that's over a year. Do you know when the World Fair's on?

Tommy: World Expo?

Josh: World Expo.

Tommy: I'm not actually sure.

Josh: World Expo, I think it was '80s, '88. Mr. 97, can you cheque when the World Fair— sorry, the World Expo was on in Brisbane in Australia? What year?

Tommy: So I'm just having a look. Huge. Uh, October. Oh, that's good.

Josh: October '88, my birth year. So 30 years ago it was on.

Tommy: So October 20, 2020 until the 10th of April 2021. So we, we have time now.

Josh: We're going to go 2020.

Tommy: Yeah, 2020. We can go, we could probably, we could almost time it to our thousandth episode.

Josh: Far out.

Tommy: Do you want to do that?

Josh: That'd be sick.

Tommy: If it's— if it continues on until 2021, I have a feeling we can do the math, but I reckon the thousandth episode would fall between those dates. World's— World Fair? World Expo. World Expo. Is there a difference?

Josh: What is it? What did you type in? Expo? Yeah, it's just—

Tommy: what?

Josh: Expo?

Tommy: Expo.

Josh: I don't know if it's Expo 2020.

Tommy: We've gotten a lot of emails in regards to the Batak Ham.

Josh: Oh yeah, but we gotta get back to the fruit.

Tommy: Oh, the fruit, I'm sorry, sorry. So many supermarket topics to cover. No, Rowie has fucking blown something wide open in regards to growers covering up blemishes.

Josh: Yeah, so the blemishes on fruit.

Tommy: Yeah, but he's gone into quite a bit of detail. He's managed to take 3 different photos from 3 different days 3 different pieces of fruit. Yeah. 2 categories of fruit. You've got a nectarine and 2 apples, but 2 different breeds of apples. Is it that we call them breeds?

Josh: We call them breeds.

Tommy: Anyway, if you have a look, you'll see that the sticker covers the, like where the nectarine is just completely the flesh. Wait, the— Is revealed, like the skin has broken. Yeah.

Josh: It's like someone was moving a bunch of them and nicked it with a finger and took off a big bit and they've just stuck a sticker over it.

Tommy: Then you see this sort of Granny Smith. Is it Granny Smith, the green ones?

Josh: Yeah, the green ones. Great for, um, poaching, guys.

Tommy: Great. And, uh, then we've also got another one. But the point being that, uh, Rowie reckons a bit of a conspiracy theory that they're purposefully, um, putting stickers over these blemishes.

Josh: Which— so my pushback, Rowie, this is a thought. I love it and I want to believe you. I thought maybe if I'm trying to sort of be in the head headspace of them, of the supermarkets. Maybe consumers are walking in squeezing, so they're just, but you don't really squeeze apples. You could squeeze nectarines and stuff.

Tommy: I mean, why would you always squeeze it on the label?

Josh: But maybe that's the thing, people squeeze the label so they can get away with not dinting a nectarine. Well, the thing is, overripe.

Tommy: What he was wondering also, he was saying whether it's his local Woolies or their growers. Do you reckon it's at the grower level or the Woolies?

Josh: I reckon it's at the Woolies level because they're putting them, they're barking barcode stickers a lot of the time. Like on that apple, it's a big barcode. See on the nectarine, barcode sticker.

Tommy: But I like barcodes because that means I don't have to fucking know what fruit it is. I can just scan it.

Josh: Scan it in.

Tommy: Don't you agree?

Josh: Yeah, I like that. But definitely, I'm going to be on the lookout. You know, I, um, well, you think from these joints anyway.

Tommy: What do you think? What should— what can we do about it? Is there anything that we can do? Do we need to contact Woolies? Should Rowie go and, um, post on the Facebook page?

Josh: If you post on the Facebook page, they will get back to you. They, they're pretty—

Tommy: he's got 3 examples now.

Josh: Yeah, I would post those 3 photos. I mean, I don't want to be putting my name to it because they could be the ones that give us the soft— the fizzy water sponsorship. Um, but I reckon you'll get a response. Rowie, please do that. Put them up on Facebook.

Tommy: Yeah, email us back, hi@thedailytalkshow.com, and we're supporting He also says, "Great work, guys." He never misses an episode, which is nice.

Josh: Hey, update on my son.

Tommy: What happened with your son?

Josh: He's the boy who cried poo. He's not even 2 yet, but he's obsessed with telling us, "Poo, I gotta poo, I need a poo." And so he'll hold his bum, poo, poo. And so he's wanting us to take him to the toilet, to sit him on the toilet. To do a poo.

Tommy: And it works?

Josh: He has, he's 1 in 10.

Tommy: Why is this an update? You've never mentioned this before.

Josh: No.

Tommy: This is a Bodhi update in general.

Josh: Yeah, because I found it really funny. Amy said to me this morning, Bodhi's really the boy who cried poo. So we don't believe him now that he needs to actually do a poo. It's hilarious. And he just sees us sitting down on the toilet and he wants to copy us.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: So we're in this point where we're running through nappies like no tomorrow, 'cause you have to take his nappy off to get him up onto the toilet. It's, yeah, that's my life.

Tommy: It's gonna be expensive.

Josh: It's my life.

Tommy: Because otherwise it could be really good. Like toilet training could be a piece of piss, pun intended.

Josh: He climbed up. So we've got a Squatty Potty. You know what a Squatty Potty is?

Tommy: Yeah, it's like so you can get your legs in the right way.

Josh: Yeah, unkink your colon is their motto.

Tommy: Can that be the title of this episode? Unkink your colon, kink your colon. It works great.

Josh: It's basically like, picture you put your feet up on phone books while you're doing number twos and it helps sort of get the flow.

Tommy: Good use.

Josh: But Bodhi's used the Squatty Potty as the foot— the stool, and he can climb up, turn himself around and sit down. It's unbelievable for a kid this young. Is it a skill? It's pretty— it's a good skill.

Tommy: Like being able to go— yeah.

Josh: Being impressed. You're constantly impressed by your own child.

Tommy: Do you think that we do enough to teach kids around how to use urinals properly?

Josh: Oh well, here's a tip. If you're over the age of 12 and you pull your pants all the way down to the ground, you still take a piss at the urinal, you fucked up, mate. You've missed it. I saw a guy at the airport, pants right down to the ground, like literally he's a kid.

Tommy: He looks like a status play.

Josh: It's funny.

Tommy: But is the, um, where are you meant to piss at when you're going to a urinal?

Josh: Yeah, I mean, this is This is man problem 101.

Tommy: Well, I just don't know, are you meant to? I still don't completely understand. I will tend to go to a full toilet over a urinal because my biggest concern—

Josh: Is someone seeing your small dick?

Tommy: No, that's actually second concern, if you could believe it. No, my first concern is that I piss on the wrong angle and so that it hits me.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know you feel. There is—

Tommy: But is there a tactic? Am I missing a point? Are you meant to hit the little—

Josh: I go for curvature. Anywhere so it's not straight wall. Yeah, don't just go— if you squirted a gun at a wall, if you squirted a water pistol, it'll come right back, it'll come back at you. So it's trying to get that sort of curvature on, on the urinal or down low or sort of hitting it from an angle.

Tommy: Would you go on the plastic bit? You know how some of them have those fragrant things?

Josh: Yeah, if you hit those, some of them, some of them, some of them, they basically disperse in all different ways, just not onto your pants.

Tommy: I just want to know, but is there an actual hypethedailytalkshow.com— this is about as blokey as we're going to get— But is there a specific way that I'm meant to be pissing at the urinal? Because I just, it's my biggest concern, especially now that I'm wearing these shorts.

Josh: You've resorted to sitting down on the toilet?

Tommy: No, I don't sit down on the toilet. But these Lululemon shorts, which we've spoken about before and how short they can get.

Josh: Yeah, but if you put a bit of water on them, very noticeable.

Tommy: Yeah, and so that would be my biggest concern. I get a little bit of anxiety if I'm going to a urinal. That I might fucking accidentally spray a bit of piss on me.

Josh: Big possibility. Yeah, but, um, are we talking— I don't know, because you're, you're nearly 30 years old. Do you worry about that?

Tommy: Do you worry about it?

Josh: Do I worry about what, getting piss on my pants?

Tommy: Yeah, the way you say it, not really.

Josh: Not really. I kind of, you know me, I could convince myself that I didn't. It's not—

Tommy: that's not piss.

Josh: Yeah, and I'd be quite convincing to everyone else. Ah, just a bit of fun. But a lot of the time, mine is— I I get water on my hands and I just flick it everywhere. So I've got like, you end up—

Tommy: Wait, so you're almost like creating a lie to be able to cover yourself?

Josh: Correct.

Tommy: So it's like you purposefully spray water on yourself just so even if you did have piss on yourself, you wouldn't know? It blends in. Isn't that sort of fucked up? I don't know.

Josh: If I— I'd own it. I think I'd own it if I'd really fucked up.

Tommy: If you really—

Josh: Surprisingly—

Tommy: What would it take to really fuck up? Just your whole— just soaking? Just, yeah, it's a mess.

Josh: Yeah, it clipped my t-shirt and it's just shot back down onto my legs. You know that happens.

Tommy: Yeah, it's happened maybe once before. Nightmare.

Josh: Yeah, it's horrible.

Tommy: Unless you— yeah, but anyway, Batoche Ham's going off like crazy. Yeah, I had multiple emails. Andrew, Wayne, Kyle. Kyle specifically is from Bendigo and he was actually asking around. He works in radio.

Josh: He works at Star FM up in Bendigo.

Tommy: He was asking the sales team about pataki hams, trying to scab some for us.

Josh: Yeah, well, I tried to scab some off my regional contact at Shepparton, and this is his response, which blew my mind because it was very different back then. I said, I said, cocker, how are you? That's his name.

Tommy: And he's like, hey mate, don't call me cocker anymore.

Josh: I said, are you guys giving out pataki hams anymore? And he said, he said Doubt it, read the hams. Local promos are rare as ham these days. Good ham pun.

Tommy: Bit of ham gear. What does that mean if they're not doing promos?

Josh: Yeah, we used to do a lot of local promos, you know, the bakery, the local butcher, the local jewelers. So we'd be doing like promos in show with them sort of, you know, so it'd be, you'd get given a prize. It was quite creative.

Tommy: You would've loved it.

Josh: Come to us. So Mother's Day jewellery shop, you guys come up with the creative of how to flog these presents. And so you'd be like, great, let's do like, you know, whatever, the wristband with those friendship bracelets. Let's, you know, test out some kind of friendship between you and your mum. Do you know each other well?

Tommy: You know, for a kind of— could it be that because it's regional everyone just has their own pig?

Josh: No, mate, when I say regional, it's probably a stretch because they feel like they live in the city. It is the city. Shepparton, there is 50,000 in Greater Shepparton. So it is, when I say regional, out of a city that is Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth. So it's like outside, it becomes regional.

Tommy: It is actually just like sparking my interest, this idea of hams are pigs and how many hams do you get out of a pig?

Josh: Yeah, I mean, we're not vegan friendly, chaps.

Tommy: Would you get like 4 legs? Or do you not use the front legs?

Josh: I would think that you'd get only 2 big back legs, so they're the big ones. But mate, I mean, this is the problem, right? You do ham chat and then you bring it back to the poor little pigs.

Tommy: Yeah. And then you don't really want to eat the ham.

Josh: And then you don't want to eat it. I was driving on the way back from—

Tommy: BK would be— I would have something to say.

Josh: Well, he's gone vegan. Yeah. He's slayed a heap of hams in his life, I'm sure.

Tommy: Oh, really?

Josh: No, I don't know.

Tommy: I feel like it's quite dissymmetry.

Josh: Well, I'm just saying he's probably eaten meat in his life, therefore you've been a part of the process.

Tommy: Yeah, not—

Josh: I mean, it's one thing to eat and then it's another thing to kill. Yeah, a beast. But I got put off ham for a week, didn't go any longer than that, when I was driving from Shepparton and I'm bringing, bringing the ham chat. This could end it. I was in, in the car and I was in a Honda Civic, so I was like, it's quite a low to the ground car and I'm going along and this huge truck—

Tommy: Is it racist to call it a rice cooker? Is that a racist slur?

Josh: Yeah, definitely.

Tommy: Okay, I'm sorry, guys. I didn't know that was racist.

Josh: No, but that was high school.

Tommy: Because that was like every—

Josh: Rice burner.

Tommy: Rice burner. I didn't realise because that's referring to, um, because a lot of Asians would drive them.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: No? Yeah, I'm so sorry. That was common talk. Yeah, it was common talk. Yeah, rice burner. You can't say it.

Josh: Yeah, don't say it.

Tommy: So was—

Josh: you owned one of these cars? I mean, my Honda Civic and this big truck comes up next to me and it's like a livestock truck. And I look next to me and I just see this huge fucking head, just this big pig standing there with these big, big eyes looking so sad. And he's just looking out at me and I was just like, oh fuck, I had to—

Tommy: I couldn't look at him because pigs are so cute. No, I actually don't feel that good about like when you think about it too much. And should we? Maybe we should be thinking about that stuff when we're eating.

Josh: Yeah, I don't know. It's a tricky— they're very different discussions. And if we're trying to give away a ham, you know, we dilute it with the down talk.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Which—

Tommy: this is why we can't actually be sponsored by Botox and we're having to go rogue because Botox, that'd be— guys loved the bit about Botox.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Less about the pigs. Yeah. Because we're not getting much cut through with the pigs. What do you say?

Josh: Lead—

Tommy: bury the lead. Bury the lead. Bury the pig. What would be a vegetarian If you were to do a vegetarian Christmas, you had to put on a bunch of dishes, what would you put on?

Josh: You'd go curries.

Tommy: Oh, that'd be yum.

Josh: That'd be fine.

Tommy: Some like eggplant curries.

Josh: Yeah, but even skewers with different veggies on them. So, just it's like a kebab.

Tommy: Halloumi. If you could do, if it wasn't vegan or vegetarian, halloumi would be yum. I'd eat a lot of cheese. Yeah. Potato salad with a bunch of mayo. Oh, yeah.

Josh: Yeah, but the bacon bits.

Tommy: Oh, yeah, that's it. But you could put some chives instead. Some chives might do it. But anyway, so the winner of the Batakki Ham is Rob Ward, who he said the reason that he knew that he would be able to listen, be able to win, was because he was listening at 1.5 times speed. And he knew that only a 2— And he started listening as soon as he got the notification of the episode.

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: And he said that he knew that only someone who was at 2x listening speed would actually be able to.

Josh: That's so good, mate. He deserves the ham.

Tommy: Yeah, he deserves the ham.

Josh: So the update is—

Tommy: Yeah, what's the update?

Josh: I'll tell you. Well, the whole thing was I had to win one to then give the secondhand ham away. Let me just see, how many times did I call this morning? 13 times at 9:31 AM.

Tommy: Who'd you call?

Josh: 13 24:10, which is Nova. They have— they've got hams giving them away. And then at 9:41, another 5 calls. I do have an in to the guy who actually is on air giving them away, Troy Ellis, who's a lovely bloke.

Tommy: But the thing is, you— if you win it, you won't win it because of that. I remember back maybe 15 years ago, yes, a bigger current affair bit. We should actually try and find it, but it was like, um, uh What was it around? Like, the radio star prize scam. And it was a whole bit on just a radio personality had a mate. Yeah. And they'd like let them know that, hey, we're about to do Beat the Bomb or whatever. Yeah, that's a no-no.

Josh: That's a no-no.

Tommy: So what's the difference between what you're— is this like where you're comfortable stealing fruit at the shops?

Josh: No, I still have to be on air and I've been trying to call, so I'm going through the process. It'd be more like, mate, 'Is there a time I can call?' It's such a low—

Tommy: No, no, no, no, you can't do that.

Josh: It's such a low, low prize. Like, it's not the, the secret sound where there's 10 grand up for grabs and you're telling me the secret sound. Like that guy I messaged in Shepparton asking if there's hands. He was the only one who knew the secret sound. Sound. He is the guy who created the sound, recorded the sound.

Tommy: What was the sound? Handed over the sound.

Josh: Something smashing something with a hammer, but the thing that he was smashing was unique.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: I just kept— it was obscure and no— and it was, yeah, for ages no one could get it.

Tommy: You're pushing back on me yesterday saying you say that you don't want this to be like a radio show. Yeah. And I've managed to turn it into a radio show and we've covered secret sound, betoki ham, anything else? It's—

Josh: yeah, yeah, we don't need it. What else is there? We might as well get it out of here.

Tommy: I think that's all good.

Josh: So we can stop it. I mean, the ham does have connection, you've, uh, because people are wanting a ham. But I'm actually looking forward to— I wonder when, um, Rob goes on holidays. Yeah, so I'd like to deliver a hand, deliver a ham.

Tommy: Could we, like, if you go real full-on and you get some success and we can get some multiple hams, I think we've got a bit of an order of sort of, um, delivery. But one of the interesting things too that Andrew pointed out, one of the, um Botox emailers. Yeah. He pointed out that Harold Sun—

Josh: Yes. Are doing it. Win one of 200 Botox Christmas hams. Interesting.

Tommy: Harold Sun giving away 200 Botox hams.

Josh: Here's the problem though, they'll make you go through some paywall.

Tommy: So, you have to be a subscriber.

Josh: Except Mr. 97 knows how to get past them.

Tommy: Yeah. We've said that before.

Josh: I've got a really sad story.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: Sad for our egos, not for you, for myself and Stacy June, who was on the podcast.

Tommy: Yeah, sorry, just turns out no one was listening. Well, for the 2 and a half years, literally, like, we found out that we weren't actually going to air last—

Josh: the second last day of me being on air in Shepparton. It was coming to the end of the year, so it was December. Yeah, it's Christmas time, very much like— I reckon it would have been this time next week, I reckon it was like exactly the time. And we were doing this thing where we were like Christmas drive, like kids who aren't fortunate to have presents or get presents, you know, their parents don't have money. It was like a Christmas drive or something we called it. So the idea was that within the Goulburn Valley and its surrounding region, Kyapung, yeah, the GV, the Greater Valley, Kyabra, Machuca, Benalla. So what we did was, uh, we picked a whole bunch of these places and said, great, we're going to be here at this time, 10 AM, here at 2 PM, here at 3 PM. And so we would rock up and we'd be like, yep, we'd been promoting it for weeks that people were gonna— you can come down, you can donate some presents, bring the kid, you know, bring it down, bring the kids down. They can— this can go to some some unfortunate child, unfortunate, some child who isn't fortunate to get any presents for Christmas. And we did it and it was depressing. There was about one person that rocked up to give us. We spent hours driving around and in the main street just with the car there. It was, it was sad.

Tommy: What did you, what did you actually think in the moment? What were the conversations in the car with Stacy?

Josh: Just like, it was, it was like embarrassing. 'Fuckin' hell, this is, this is outrageous.' Who do you blame? You're in those situations, you always want to be like, 'It was our idea.' 'What went wrong?' 'Good to go out there.' 'Were you getting good intelligence?' 'Good intelligence.' People would say, 'Yeah, you know.' I mean, is it a win that we got one person?

Tommy: No, no, no, because the amount you spent on petrol. Yeah, you could have company card, you could have—

Josh: I didn't personally spend it.

Tommy: Cab charge.

Josh: It was just It's such a time where it is, you just, yeah, take your ego off the table because it breaks it right down.

Tommy: So what's the learning?

Josh: Just heartache in the regional radio.

Tommy: Yeah, it's not ideal.

Josh: It's, I don't know how you could really pick up something from it. I don't know what I could learn from that other than that we did it. Probably doing it's the most important thing, saying we'll do it, but we just wanted to pull the pin early everywhere we went. We ended up just hanging around like a bad smell, just looking, fuck, look at these.

Tommy: Were you connected up with like a Kmart or something? Was it part of some sort of retail thing? Is that where you find out?

Josh: Hard to have buy-in from these.

Tommy: Kmart used to do the tree, didn't they? Or was that Target?

Josh: But here's the thing, if you— because it's, it's cutthroat local business, if they're not paying money, they can't be on the radio. So you can't be promoting Big W if Big W aren't spending money with The radio station. So there's like politics.

Tommy: But is that— was that really a thing where they'll say, guys, stop fucking mentioning Boost because they're not giving us money?

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: What was the example?

Josh: No spend, no spend, cut them off. Just like, you can't, you can't— like, we would— oh, we had the lemon tree.

Tommy: What the fuck are we talking about, Batoche? No spend.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, though.

Tommy: Yeah, no spend. No, but I'm serious. I'm actually saying it now. Yeah, no spend, no spend, cut them off. You know what? I've just had an idea. What? Robbie's not getting a Bitoki. We're gonna find out the most premium ham place there is, better than Bitoki, and we're gonna get them to sponsor it. I think that could be another tactic, given you're having so much fucking trouble with getting on the phone with Troy Ellis.

Josh: Well, you were looking out for Troy's ass, looking out for his job.

Tommy: What does that mean?

Josh: You were looking out.

Tommy: Oh yeah, yes, sure, looking out for his— So I had a friend say to me yesterday, she said, "Oh, that's a pile of arse." What does that mean? Referring to something's a bit negative. "Oh geez, a bit of a pile of arse." Have you ever heard of that?

Josh: A pile of arse?

Tommy: No. Yeah, it's just a pile of arse.

Josh: Is that to say if you've got a pile of arse, it's a bad thing?

Tommy: Yeah, well, I don't know. But anyway, so maybe that could be another tack. Maybe we're not gonna give people that ham that I'm not gonna say anymore because no spend. No spend. No spend. I don't think we mention any brands going forward. No spend.

Josh: No.

Tommy: What do you think? Or is that dumb?

Josh: I don't have— we haven't even mentioned the fizzy water brand.

Tommy: Absolutely do not spend. No spend.

Josh: Listen here, no spend.

Tommy: No spend. No mention.

Josh: No spend. No talk.

Tommy: No talk. Okay, um, I know this has been a very admin-heavy day, but, uh, finally an update on, uh, the book.

Josh: Oh yeah, okay.

Tommy: What's, uh, This Is Marketing by Hand. Uh, I am, uh, if you just joined us, I am currently on a mission to write— would you say rewrite?

Josh: Rewrite.

Tommy: Scooter Derek said, um, transcribe. Yeah, transcribe the entire Seth Godin This Is Marketing book. Yeah, into my own handwriting. And we are auctioning that off.

Josh: Yeah, it's no small feat.

Tommy: The 31st of December is when it's happening. That is when the auction will be finalized.

Josh: It's New Year's Eve.

Tommy: Yes, it is. And it's our 250th episode on that day.

Josh: It's cool that it lands on New Zealand.

Tommy: Yeah, the question— so, uh, Russ Keys, uh, executive producer, has sent us through a, um, uh, setting up a website where we can do— take auctions. It's almost— it looks a bit like an eBay type of deal.

Josh: Yeah, so what do we place bids?

Tommy: Yeah, I like the idea if Mr. 97 could manage it. We need to work out what we're going to do.

Josh: He's already on a few other missions over.

Tommy: Why don't we do this? We'll have an HTML page We'll set up a domain name. So starting next week on Monday, yeah, there'll be a dedicated website where people can go, they can see the current amount, and they can then email us to let us know a new amount. Okay, is that a good idea?

Josh: Is there an email button? Yeah, should be a like—

Tommy: we can work out—

Josh: place a bid, press this.

Tommy: It will take very administrative— the show, this episode. But, um, no, that sounds good. So we— by then we'll have a, um, by on the 31st the book will be done. I've currently done 2 chapters plus the author's note.

Josh: Pretty good.

Tommy: I missed a day. I forgot to talk about it yesterday, but that night I'd missed doing the writing because I brought everything home, all the paper, the pen, the pencil, the ruler. I forgot the fucking book.

Josh: I knew it was gonna be that.

Tommy: Yeah. And so, I nearly got the audiobook and just did that. But I was like—

Josh: Oh, no chance.

Tommy: It would be too hard. Because I'm trying to get all the spelling right.

Josh: Have you made any mistakes yet?

Tommy: I've made very, very subtle. There's one time where I missed a word and I just wrote the word and put an arrow because it was on the second side of the page. So, it would have been a real clusterfuck to go back and rewrite it. Oh, that'd be annoying. So—

Josh: Have you got whiteout?

Tommy: No. Nah, that seems a bit cheap.

Josh: How old school is whiteout?

Tommy: Yeah. Were you a whiteout strict— Like I—

Josh: Yeah, it's almost like tape.

Tommy: Yeah. Well, because you weren't allowed to have the proper stuff because you would sniff it. It's true.

Josh: Maybe at your school. I don't— I can't remember that being a thing. We had pens. So they— isn't it funny that they made something, they made a product that was really toxic and then they somehow worked out how to make it less toxic.

Tommy: What? Oh, the whiteout? Yeah, but those strips were shit. They were shit.

Josh: Yeah, even like metho and like those, they're still toxic. Yeah, they worked out ways to make them so, like, a lot of them took the alcohol out them. Oh, um, that cooking product vanilla essence used to have a high alcohol content.

Tommy: And do you know what I used to do with it? Because I, um, I remember finding out at a Chinese restaurant they would always bring out the, um, fried ice cream on fire.

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: And I found out that it was, uh, vanilla essence.

Josh: That's how they did it.

Tommy: Yeah. So I at home would just pour vanilla essence onto a pan. When mum wasn't home, just light the place up.

Josh: That's how you burned it. Less worrying about how kids are pissing in urinals, more worrying about fire safety.

Tommy: Fire safety. Okay, so the Botox thing's done, I guess.

Josh: Oh, no fucking—

Tommy: no name, no name, no spend.

Josh: No name, no spend, no mention.

Tommy: No, yeah, okay. Is that the thing? No spend, no, no spend, no say? No spend, no. We can do better than that. No spend, no.

Josh: No spend, no go.

Tommy: No spend, no. What's something that rhymes with spend? Yeah, I know, we'll work on it, guys. Lots happening here. Hi@thedailytalkshow.com if you've got an email. Maybe if you're having something relating to fruit happening in your life as well. But, uh, Rowie is going to be working on— I've set him the task around Woolworths. I'm happy to say it because We're taking him down.

Josh: Yeah, we're taking him down. If it be one stolen cashew at a time.

Tommy: Yeah. Or this, I think that Roey should get all that fruit replaced at the very minimum. So, we'll see what happens.

Josh: Tomorrow's show, we've got a guest on.

Tommy: Rupert.

Josh: Rupert. Rupert's the dude, if you've listened when I was up in the Australian outback, grew up like literally hours and hours and hours from Civilisation.

Tommy: He used to do the whole radio thing.

Josh: Well, he did primary school over the radio. So, Rupert calling in, he does a good impersonation of himself. It's great. Rupert on the radio will have very much outback banter.

Tommy: So, any agricultural questions? Maybe he's got thoughts on the fruit thing.

Josh: Well, he'd probably have thoughts on livestock, cattle and all of that. Yeah.

Tommy: Ham.

Josh: He lived, he grew up on a working cattle farm.

Tommy: Do you reckon maybe he could, he might even have ham hookups?

Josh: Maybe, but they're probably pretty far away.

Tommy: That's okay.

Josh: The middle of Brisbane, the middle of Queensland, sorry. It's like very, very far away. Took me 9 hours to get there from my house, so it's very far.

Tommy: And that was with planes.

Josh: That was with planes.

Tommy: Yeah. hi@thedailytalkshow.com if you want to send us an email. Otherwise, uh, we're off to turn the aircon back on.

Josh: Oh yeah.

Tommy: Uh, it's The Daily Talk Show. Have a good one. See ya.