A friendship situation with Derek Myers

Tommy: Wait a minute!

Derek: Crossface, the Daily Talk Show, a conversation sometimes worth recording with Josh Janson and Tommy Jackett.

Josh: The Daily Talk Show, episode 155. Tommy Jackett and Derek Myers, we're in the house.

Tommy: Oh yeah, Daddy Derek. Thanks for coming on the show, buddy.

Derek: My pleasure, boys. You just call and I will come running.

Tommy: He did. He, um, and, um, just a quick setup for, for Derek. He was on very early days. I reckon you were like top 5, one of the, um, top 5. Well, first 5, not top 5. Uh, I don't want to toot his horn.

Josh: Top 5 as well. Top 5. Top 5 as well.

Tommy: Um, but he was within the first 5 of guests on our show. And Derek has a scooter factory, very quirky cat, I would like to say, and very understated podcaster. I think it more so for himself than anybody, because we see— Josh and I think you're an absolute talent, Derek. And, um, yeah, and he's blushing, he's absolutely blushing.

Josh: Well, that's one of the few podcasts that I'm listening to while I'm away. I'm currently in South of France right now in Nice, about to head over to Turkey. But yeah, Derek plugging him into my ears whenever he has a new episode.

Tommy: We kind of wanted—

Josh: He's a good bit of, yeah.

Tommy: We wanted you to come on the show. Sorry, Josh. Just if you're a first-time listener, Josh, yeah, he's on the other side of the world. Derek and I are in Collingwood in Melbourne. Taking advantage of technology to do this, this, uh, this show 5 days a week. But last week, Josh, uh, I can safely say it was my fuck-up. I don't think you came out and said this. We need to make an apology, and I say we, but I'll do it. Um, but last week we were talking about Big Brother. Actually, that was your fault that we even started talking about Big Brother.

Josh: Yeah, well, I brought up Axel Whitehead, which I think he was on Australian Idol anyway, but, um, it all started on Axel Whitehead and ended up Somewhere between Hotdogs and a turkey slap.

Tommy: Yeah, and I have to apologise to Hotdogs, who, if you have no idea, he was a contestant on a reality show 15 years ago. So you probably don't know who he is, but he was quite big for the show at that time. Anyway, I said that he was involved in the turkey slap incident. I defamed the bloke. He wasn't, poor bastard.

Josh: And luckily his name's Hotdogs. I feel like if you you can't defame a hot dog, so I think you're pretty safe. If it was like a real name, I'd feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Tommy: Yeah, and someone who came to mind after the conversation— maybe, no, we even talked about it on the show— and that was Derek, because you have a bit of affinity for Big Brother.

Derek: I do. I've got a little bit of history with, with Big Brother, and it goes back probably longer than what I've even talked about. Um, when they— and it's— it involves a bit of confessional, I guess. When—

Tommy: is this the diary room?

Derek: This is it. I'm in the diary room. Big Brother, I've got a problem. Everyone's teasing me. Um, what happened was when they introduced Big Brother, they— the very first season, I wasn't really even aware, in my kind of unawareness— in other words, it probably was happening but I just never noticed— that it was even a TV show. So what I— it was the internet. So there was a Big Brother website and I could sit there and you sit there all day in my office and just go, just click kitchen and then click bathroom. And with the camera unedited, we just go into the different rooms. And so it was just perv, basically being a perv or voyeur, or, you know, or taking an interest in what other folk get up to and how they interact.

Tommy: So was this— was it a TV show as well, or you just hadn't discovered the edited version?

Derek: Yeah, that's it.

Tommy: Oh wow, you're—

Derek: my first hook was the voyeurism, not the TV style. So the whole editing thing was another bit of magic that I grew to really love.

Tommy: Interesting.

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: And so Josh—

Josh: and then so Derek, you ended up, uh, basically going to Queensland every year at some point to go see— did you go to see the finale or would you just go see a random one? What was that?

Derek: I never— a couple of our members of our secret society did go to a couple of finale or semi-finales or whatever, but no, just mid-season we'd get the tickets. And I think you were saying the other day that I went on as like a holiday tour kind of thing. No, no, no, no, no, this was not Contiki. This was more like rock tour than Contiki, I guess. So we actually just— our group, the MBBS, the Melbourne Big Brother Society, uh, there's probably about 10 of us or something like that. And we would just literally just book out a penthouse suite in Surfers Paradise and just book some tickets for an eviction and just go and just literally just get completely poleaxed and act like—

Josh: What was the demographic like of your group?

Derek: Well, mostly more— well, I was— I have to say I was the oldest, but I was probably— I don't know, I have to do some maths, but I wasn't as old as I am now.

Tommy: How old? How long ago? Just roughly, how many years ago was this?

Derek: Well, I'm guessing it must have been about maybe 12 years ago-ish.

Tommy: Okay.

Derek: When it kicked off. I can't remember the dates, but, um, Anyway, that most were a bit younger, so we had basically— it was a lot of writers, um, bloggers, basically the generation before you guys doing what you do, but not technical. But these guys, uh, yeah, or, you know, intellectuals. I was probably the, the only non-kind of creative.

Tommy: Yeah. So I guess in the group, looking— so this is 12 years ago, you were a part of a group? Was it through a Facebook page, or was it through— what was it through? Like a—

Derek: no, no, we're just real friends. No, real friends. It wasn't— we didn't come together because of our love for Big Brother.

Tommy: Okay, so a bunch of mates create this society. It's basically what people are doing these days with Married at First Sight. Is it like— upon reflection, looking back 12 years ago, it intrigues me for its uniqueness. And I'll say weirdness because I love you and you're a mate. Yeah, yeah, it seems weird.

Derek: Does it seem weird?

Tommy: It is weird.

Derek: Don't tiptoe around that one. Look, Big Brother has left a thing that doesn't go away, and that is if you say you were into Big Brother back then, people go, you fucking— you fucking what? You know, you just get people to look at you sideways and go, you're not— you're not being serious, are you? And that still happens downstairs. Sweet baby Tom down there, you know, he's just like shaking his head, just not understanding. Whereas my nephew's 22 years old and he's doing a live Facebook after-show Bachelor kind kind of crap on, and everyone's into the ironic reality TV fun. And that's what we were doing, basically ironic fun. We were having a 3-day, you know, completely unchained weekend on the Gold Coast with only one thing tying it together, and that was, mate, the Big Brother Dreamworld experience. The day in Dreamworld was the best bit.

Tommy: The cameras were in the wrong place. They should have been in the, uh, Big Brother Society's penthouse. You can't—

Derek: oh, I'm not gonna say But you can see, uh, well, you, you'll see us if you look back at the, the— I don't know what episodes, but you'll see us in the crowd there with foil hats. And the girls made banners up, you know, saying, hey, you know, hey Mike, did you ever— and stuff like that.

Josh: Did you ever feel, did you ever feel that Big Brother lost its way? Like, having started watching early on, did it look like— and how did— like, because I, I remember hearing that sort of conversation. How did Big Brother actually change for the worst, do you think?

Derek: Oh, you're saying for the worst, but when, yeah, when you're in it for the irony, it's just better and better. The more fuck-ups and the more ridiculous decisions they, production, make, I suppose, is the better it is. It started off with normal people and weirdos and that bloke who got in the kitchen sink and washed his nuts.

Tommy: Can't say I saw that, but I'm glad you're retelling it. It's even better than seeing that.

Derek: Yeah, you know, all these ridiculous people with the ridiculous ideas of how to live in front of cameras. But then it sort of evolved and looked like they were picking and choosing, and, you know, people would go, oh, they're just trying to pick beautiful people, and, you know, rah rah rah, or deliberately choosing bitches. It's like, yeah, you know, just watch The Bachelor or something like that. Now and it's the same shit, but it's funnier and funnier. No, I'm, I'm far more interested in the clever edits and stuff. People go, it's— they edit it to make them look bad. I'm like, yeah, how good is that?

Tommy: That's the good, that's the good stuff.

Derek: Yeah, I love it.

Josh: What, what do you think like, uh, 2018 Big Brother is? Like Tommy mentioned The Bachelor. Do you think that there is— has there ever been a better reality show than Big Brother?

Derek: I don't know because I haven't really— haven't watched any after that.

Tommy: Geordie Shore, did you ever get into that?

Derek: No, I haven't seen it.

Tommy: God, I got into that. There was—

Derek: might have burned out.

Tommy: They absolutely nailed it. It's interesting, you know, like you think there's hundreds of reality shows that have been in existence and you, you see like these unicorns that come through and they've modelled Jersey Shore, they've done, um, Geordie Shore and a bunch of other ones and I got hooked on that. I was probably 20 at the time, and it was just— it was debauchery. It was, it was like gross, but somehow it was like just on the precipice— that could be the word for today.

Josh: Oh yeah, we'll make that the word.

Tommy: Just, yeah, just on the precipice of things becoming, uh, you know, very taboo. Like, you know, actually it's not taboo it being sexual assault, or like it being seen as like, you cannot do that. Like, a show like the original Jersey Shore would not fly today. It was, you know, absolute debauchery. But I think that's why I was like, people like, holy shit, look at this, they're going so far. And it absolutely took off. These guys made so much money, the contestants, and it was just, um, it was unbelievable. And so that's probably the—

Josh: I actually watched I actually watched back at the, um, after we did the episode on Friday, watched back the turkey slap, like the coverage, and I actually couldn't watch the entire turkey slap scene. Like, just the sort of predatory sort of nature of them, like, oh, come here for a sec.

Derek: She's like, oh, why?

Josh: He's like, nah, just come here. It was really fucking gross. Do you remember Derek? And I was like young at the time. I don't think I was able to really sort of compute the, like, how bad it was. Being a bit older, like, what was the vibe like from, uh, your group of mates? Did you think it was all just a bit of a laugh, or was it—

Derek: Nah, nah, when I think when someone fucks up on reality TV, it's great, right? Yeah, but when— Yeah, but, but, but that was just like, no, you, you grown up comes steaming in from the back of your brain going, fuck, this is shit, you know? Like, you can— It's like, it's like laughing at Donald Trump. You know, you, yeah, you, you go, oh, this is shit, because even though they're going to get condemned immediately, you go, this process is happening in split second and, you know, synaptically. And it's just, and it's just like, well, they're going to get in trouble, they're going to get booted off, it's all going to go haywire, the Prime Minister's going to have— and he did. Someone piped in, who was it? Was it? Yeah, John Howard. And, um, I don't know, Pauline Hanson, I don't like it. That one might have been it. Didn't she end up running a fish and chip shop and going on as Red? Reggie? They're very similar. But anyway, but yeah, you just go, nah, this is shit because people— it's still exposed to shit things.

Tommy: Yeah.

Derek: And it doesn't matter what the repercussions are, shit sticks. And if people see it and go, it's on telly, that's fine. You can't guarantee everyone—

Josh: where was your minister?

Derek: Condemning it, stuff like that.

Josh: So, so where was your negative— like, where was your sort of annoyance or anger? It wasn't specifically the person that did it, or was it— do you actually think it was a bigger issue? It was actually Big Brother as a production for airing it and giving it sort of like— yeah, what's your thought process around that?

Derek: Yeah, it gets to the point where you go, oh, you're a bit shit. If it's not, if you need to air this and it's the social dangers I was referring to, then yeah, that's shit. I wasn't, no one was applauding Channel whatever it was.

Josh: Channel 10.

Derek: Well, I was trying to be non-supportive there.

Josh: Oh yeah, sure.

Derek: You know, Channel 31 or whoever was putting it on. No one's applauding, yeah, no one's applauding them for that. Bravery or anything like that. That's— it's not a— it's just, it's just not— it wasn't on. But you just kind of— yeah, you know, that hopefully— did they learn their lesson or were there more incidents like that?

Tommy: No, I don't know. I, I know—

Josh: I think that's sort of the, the infamous one. Do you, Derek, you know, with Big Brother, that sort of to me seems like a bit of an obsession that you went through. Can you just describe to us the different in the last 15 years, your main obsessions, I guess, probably finishing at podcasting where you are now. What are the— what's the obsessions of Derek, if you were to put it in chapters?

Derek: Well, I, I'm happy to answer that question, but I wouldn't consider The Big Brother an obsession.

Tommy: But you flew to the Gold Coast. I haven't flown anywhere for anything.

Derek: You win. All right, so, but it was, I guess it was kind of, I guess the peak of a friendship situation that was getting wild, you know, like lots of rock mates and lots of partying. And it was pretty, it was a hectic lifestyle. And that was just that probably iconic sort of another symbol of how Who Gives a Shit it got when we would just make a whole thing out of that.

Tommy: Were you married at the time?

Josh: I love that title. But I also love that, like, the friendship situation is just a funny way to describe a friendship as well. Like, I think I've got a bit of a friendship situation in the works.

Tommy: Did you have kids at the time? No, they're younger than that.

Derek: No, there's actually a funny storey that may get me in a strife, so buckle in.

Josh: Perfect.

Tommy: I'm good. John Howard might have something to say about it.

Derek: Where— when— it must have been after I'd been to a couple of these in a row and it was time to go with again.

Tommy: You flew the Gold Coast more than once?

Derek: Oh yeah, was it? We did it every year.

Tommy: You're obsessed.

Derek: Yeah, right. So, so one time we were, we were planning on having a baby, right? The first one, sweet baby Tom. Not the one downstairs or this one.

Tommy: Yeah.

Derek: Well, the one that just walked past. So that we were planning on having a baby, and my wife's going, you know, I don't know if you know the, you know, the drill when you're planning it. They go, all right, I'm going to have this kind of vitamins, or, um, you know, you've got a— and she's going, you're old, you've got a, you know, your baby batter, I suppose, has to be at a premium.

Josh: Baby batter. All I thought it was about the episode.

Derek: Well, So she's gone, you can't come back because when you come back, that's the time for doing it, I suppose, for the right time for the most chance of getting pregnant. So she's gone, so you can't get wasted for all weekend. I'm going, oh, well, you have to decide. She goes, what do you mean? I said, you 'You can only ban me from getting smashed or hookers, but you can't ban me from both, right?' And let me make this clear, I have never ever even been close to seeing a prostitute.

Tommy: Okay, good.

Derek: But it was a joke, right, that I was making. And she's going, 'What are you talking about?' She didn't know it was a joke at the time. I'm going, 'Well, it's your choice.' She goes, 'Oh, all right.' So she goes, 'Just don't get smashed.' I'm going. And I was like, oh nah, there's no way I'm gonna just try and prove a point here. So anyway, so off we went. She knew I was— most of the gang were girls, like it was only one or two blokes. Hotman, shout out to Hotman, local photographer. Yeah. One of the MBBS, my compadre.

Tommy: Yeah, I like that Derek thinks he'll be listening, awesome.

Derek: Well, he will be now when I'm telling him.

Tommy: Well, we can g'day mate, how are ya?

Derek: So anyway, so went off and probably got more wasted than I've ever been on this weekend and came back and I was just on the couch, just terrified of being summoned to the chamber to, you know, like not procreate, not because of the condition of my seed, but just because I just was broken. I was like, don't make me do it. And she walked into the lounge room. I went, oh no, we mean no harm. And she walked in and she just put the piss stick down on the table and went, relax, job's done. It was already done. I was free before. Well done. So there you go. So I was already going to be a daddy.

Tommy: Amazing.

Derek: That was it. That was probably the— I think it was the last time I went.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: And that was the last time we had sex.

Derek: No, we had one other child.

Josh: Oh, I mean, so what were the— what were the obsessions, Derek? If If Big Brother isn't an obsession, what were your obsessions?

Derek: Um, well, I've been obsessed with a few things. Like, I'm obsessed with— I've been obsessed with the scooters, obviously, for— since around about— well, probably before that era, but that kind of built into a business. And, uh, and different aspects of them too. But I don't know, I sort of— once I'm off them I just block them right out. I got a bit obsessed with e-bikes recently and I got a bit, a little bit disillusioned, I suppose, with Melbourne people. What do you mean Melbourne people? Well, e-bikes are just sweeping the world. Ah yeah, you know, this magical form of commuting.

Josh: And then you get Melbourne tight-wearing wankers going, oh, you're cheating, mate.

Derek: Oh yeah, you mean I'm a fucking big fat old middle-aged guy who's not driving a four-wheel drive? You're fucking driving a four-wheel drive to You work 5 times a day, you put your tights on for half an hour and suddenly you're calling me cheating.

Tommy: Yeah, it's, I mean, it's, there's a big subculture and yeah, Josh is right. Explain what an e-bike is.

Derek: Oh, sorry, electric bicycle, electric assist bicycle. So it's a bicycle legally, so it has pedals and it has a motor, electric motor that assists you.

Tommy: And there's some like epic ones you can buy. I've seen one that's about 10 or 15 grand. It's like a downhill mountain bike. And it's got a, it's got a, the motor on it, so it's electric assist as well. But I think it's illegal, right?

Derek: Stealth, they call it.

Tommy: Like, they go like 80 kilometres an hour.

Derek: Yeah, they're not ridiculous. They're not, they're not illegal to ride on private land, but they're illegal to pretend they're a bicycle.

Tommy: They've banned them in some national parks because they're tearing them up like motorbikes do.

Derek: Yeah, and they're sort of silent as well. So they kind of come around the corner and wipe out bushwalkers.

Tommy: Yeah, well, Josh, we were having, Derek and I were having this conversation the other day 'cause I was obsessed with motorised scooters. Campton had one, I had one, a couple of the other boys had one. I got it for my year 7 birthday. Everyone gave me cash and I just remember counting that cash and just getting my scooter. I was so pumped. And that was a thing.

Josh: I just—

Tommy: Go on.

Josh: So illegal. So illegal. I just remember as a kid, like, I loved the idea of them, but we sort of in our family, I think maybe as a mechanism so that my parents could get away with not getting me one, but they were like, every time we'd see someone riding past in it, Mum would have a big spiel about how illegal they were.

Tommy: So, they, I reckon, because you're a couple of years younger, it was probably just at the time because they, by the time I had finished with them, they'd become illegal. But there was a real culture around that, like petrol motor, petrol whippersnipper motor, like, yeah, there's two.

Derek: One gets around up and down easy, really. Yeah.

Tommy: And so that— so you've seen the evolution of this stuff. There is like real subcultures of these fun toys that sort of come out when something is released.

Derek: Definitely. What happened was that the bogans discovered you could you could get away with bringing in these things they called monkey bikes. They're like little tiny little minibikes and they were under— they worked within the law. And then the bogans were always cashing in their super and bringing in containers from China of this, these shitty little things. And then, and then they made them and then they just changed the law and they all got tripped up and they were stuck with— so the market was flooded with these useless little minibikes that no one could use on the road.

Josh: I do remember the minibike. Yeah, they were—

Tommy: someone killed someone. On one. So this young kid was riding one and hit a woman, and she— or a young person, they died. Yeah. And so then they really put their foot into it. It's, um— did you ever, did you ever get a minibike?

Derek: No, I know I haven't had a minibike since I was a kid.

Tommy: From the Hamish and Andy episode, they were talking about racing around a roundabout. They were on those monkey bikes. That's what they were over.

Josh: That's right.

Tommy: Where was it, Singapore or somewhere?

Josh: Um, yeah, it was Southeast Asia somewhere.

Tommy: Yeah, but crazy. And so hang on, just quickly, the superannuation, people legitimately dipping into that?

Derek: Well, you know, I might have just made that up, but, but the—

Tommy: it sounded great. I shouldn't have put you up on it.

Derek: But what I'm saying is they, they got on— it was like a, you know, like Wall Street in the early days. They went, they went nuts and went like Bitcoin or whatever. They just went, whoa, this is going off tap. People paying heaps of money for these. You can get them from China. Yeah, but then they just banned them. That was the end of it.

Tommy: Ridiculous.

Josh: So Derek, I have sort of a half of a memory of finding out about you before the scooter stuff. Were you making like sculpt metal sculptures or some shit? Did I completely—

Tommy: now that was Gonze.

Derek: No, it was me.

Josh: I wonder if you reckon No, it was actually Derek. I remember him telling me a storey about it, but I thought this is a good opportunity to find out what the deal was.

Tommy: Oh, the fabrication. So you would actually— that's what—

Josh: yeah, yes, yes, yes.

Derek: I came back from living in the UK when I was in my 20s, and there was— and I thought, I'd like to make— I like the idea of making wrought iron things like candlesticks and stuff, but I had no idea on how to do that. So I started up this little, you know, down here in Abbotsford, in a it's now the Abbotsford Tools. It was like a squat, it was like Top Cat, it was crazy, it was feral. There's like just a rock band squatting next door, and, um, we got to hear Augie March's first, you know, rehearsal kind of thing next door. And we— and I was making candles and candlesticks and stuff, and I went out on the piss to a place called The Club, and I was playing pool with this, this hottie And she said— I said, what do you, what do you do? No, she said, what do you do? And I said, I'm a sculptor. I was just a straight out lie, right? Absolute lie. And she goes, oh, what do you do? I said, I just make, you know, sculptures.

Tommy: Fake it till you make it.

Derek: Of steel. And I said, what do you do? She goes, I'm a journalist. Actually, I need to do a storey on her. Sculptor. I've got— give me your details, I'll come around. I'm going, okay. So I woke up the next morning with the shittest hangover ever and just went into where I was, like, had bits of metal and a welder where I was making little candlesticks to sell at the market. I went, right, sculpting. And I just made this huge sculpture, ended up putting some in a gallery and stuff like that. So really, from that, I actually became a sculptor for a while.

Tommy: Shit.

Derek: And then went back to the more useful furniture and whatnot.

Josh: God. Is that how the podcasting happened as well?

Derek: Yeah, pretty much.

Josh: I mean, how is that? What's been the evolution of that? Like, so last time we spoke, when you're on the show, we were at your old dyno converted into a studio. You were— you had, um, hammocks up and you were doing an Instagram show about, uh, vinyls called the Aussie Vinyl Show. Uh, where are you at now?

Derek: Right, so I think traditionally you would say if you were going to advise someone who's interested in doing a podcast, someone that had an idea, you'd say just go in and do it. Get hold of a little recorder, some mics, get stuck in, mate, get stuck in. Sort it out, but don't make it sound too shit.

Tommy: Yeah, throw your pussy on the end of it.

Derek: Yeah, have a crack at it. I don't know what that means, but I've never heard of that.

Tommy: Have a crack, ya pussy.

Derek: Oh, right.

Tommy: Okay, it's like you sound like it was a real Australian, like Australians is like, you're weak as piss if you don't just have a crack, ya pussy.

Derek: Yeah, exactly.

Tommy: You know what I mean?

Derek: Get in there, stop fucking around, stop messing around. Whereas my— when you talked about obsession before, I'm I, I will separate podcasting from building a podcasting studio because that was an obsession. I admit it, put my hand up. The building, building the studio, I loved it. You know, I've been working in this place for 20 years. It's been welding and stinky burning steel. It's, you know, it's full of fumes and petrol now and oil and filth and grime. And it was just awesome to just to work in this nice clean room and, and make something nice, you know. I got a kick out of that, but I got obsessed, you know, with the equipment and all that sort of thing. But I say you don't have to do that. We all know you don't have to do that, but I love that. But now, uh, my actual podcasts, I think, is— I think of them as a different obsession altogether than building the room.

Josh: Yeah, interesting. What has been the biggest learning around it all?

Derek: Getting on, I was actually fascinated. Last time we spoke, I was talking maybe before, maybe on air, about how I get super, super nervous. I get not sort of— not stage fright, because when you're on the stage it's just game on, but how the pre— prior to that, you know, like if someone says be the best man at my wedding in 2 years' time The next 2 years are shit for me.

Tommy: You're on pills.

Derek: Yeah, and I get super, super nervous. But doing a— actually doing a regular podcast yourself has made it— like when you said, I'll come on today, I'm going, yeah, yeah. I didn't think twice about it. Yeah, I did, you know, obviously I learned to do a bit of research. I made sure I knew what Hotdogs was doing these days.

Tommy: And what is Hotdogs doing? Well, Josh, just quickly, he created a cheat sheet. For the podcast.

Josh: Can we just run through? Yeah, we need to run through the Big Brother cheat sheet. This is— yeah, oh, he's gonna take the stage, Derek.

Tommy: Excel, uh, Google Drive set up.

Josh: This is awesome.

Derek: Right, so here's number 1. It's just— we've already covered it, how season 1 was about voyeurism, so I'm glad you asked. Yeah, yeah, even if you didn't. Um, experiment with Eliza and Fraser.

Tommy: Ah.

Derek: I don't know if you've got time for this one, this old story.

Josh: Yeah, we do.

Derek: So when Big Brother started and was on TV and it became more, more, more known, I guess, after season 1 or middle of season 1, so after my whole initial voyeurism thing, we were— I was sitting in the lounge room in Napier Street, Fitzroy, kind of being all yuppies, and we were having a talk about, um those dickheads, how what's wrong with these fucking people? This— how can they do that on telly? Surely they know. How can they sit there and bitch like the whole world can listen to them and rah rah rah? And one of us, let's say me, says— came up with a suggestion. Maybe you just forget that quickly. Maybe that's human nature, or maybe they especially pick stupid people. Right, so we took an old, uh, video camera, the experiment, and we put it in the lounge room pointing at us and hit record and then went back to sitting there. We weren't plying ourselves like we accuse producers of, oh, they must be fucking Gogglebox.

Tommy: Yeah, the original Gogglebox.

Derek: We were— well, we weren't even watching Big Brother. We were just sitting there knowing the camera's pointing at and just playing to it. And I swear, about an hour later, someone went, oh fuck, the camera!

Josh: Oh yeah.

Derek: And we all of us admitted there were things that we'd said in the last hour that we would not cope with being on TV. So that was sitting there trying for an hour to be aware of it, and we forgot. And we consider ourselves pretty intelligent.

Tommy: Oh, 100%. You get swept up, the excitement of it all. It's— you see why they know how to manufacture the environment that brings this out. Plus, I think knowing— I mean, even if you turn it on, you will forget at some point and you'll still be on and the cameras are still rolling. What else you got?

Josh: Well, even with— even with— I was just going to say, even with podcasting, you can't— like, probably once every 2 episodes I say something that I regret. Has that been something that you've had to cope with, Derek, with your podcasting?

Derek: Well, yeah, really. I think I've got a live a pretty heavy buffer. I think I'm a 4.86 with a modern buffer, which is problematic because sometimes I'll just go— that's why a co-host is really handy, because sometimes I just stop and go, hang on a minute. So the buffer's probably a little bit more intense than the actual product itself. But no, I think I've got a live buffer. I probably overthink things. Like before this, I went, oh, I wonder you know, one of our gang— I better not name names— but one of our gang is, you know, quite a lot of them are pretty grown up and successful now in their fields. And I thought, oh, I better not put them in it for being, you know, wasted in the Gold Coast and stuff like that.

Tommy: Hang on, there's just one here, Josh. Hang on, there's just one. I'm just reading. What's this? That one night with Gretel Colleen. What the— I'm joking.

Derek: I thought I deleted that.

Josh: The, the, um, I was gonna say something, I won't. Uh, the, the, this is the self-filtering type of thing. Uh, you don't always have to outdo the jokes. The, um, yeah, you talking about that, I think that's why you and Dan work really well on What Now? because Dan goes down these rabbit holes, which is like, uh, determined that, uh, all cults are just a bunch of pedophiles. And then you're talking, you're simultaneously selling in why you want to start a cult, and then you have this brainfuck where you're like, but I'm not a pedophile, Dan, stop fucking saying that every cult is made up of pedophiles.

Derek: Yeah, right, maybe you're right. Dan is— Dan, he got hooked. Like, he came on as a guest of— there's a podcast that I produce called More Than a Wheelin', which is a poetry podcast, quite specialized.

Tommy: Good poet.

Derek: Oh, did I— oh, sorry, I didn't mean to say that.

Tommy: That's great, we're happy for him. He's got it on his show, on his notes to flagged.

Derek: But, uh, but, but Dan came in as a guest because he's a writer, he's a playwright. So then I, uh, my host was late, so I snaffled him up. It's probably unethical, and chucked him on the microphone and put him on as a guest on my show, on your podcast.

Josh: So it was going— it was meant to be on More Than a Wheelin'.

Derek: Yeah, yeah. He did both.

Josh: Classic. Perfect.

Tommy: But he is your friend, you've known him for years.

Derek: Yeah, but then he kind of contacted me and said, oh, that was— I loved that, I really loved it. And I'm going, come on then, let's go.

Tommy: Yeah, that's— I mean, that's evolution of creativity. It's something you didn't plan on it. That's when a lot of it's the best. Like this podcast Josh and I are doing, we have known each other for a while. We've been— it was the first kind of thing, actually the second thing after doing some YouTube videos. But we just did it and we're like, hang on, this kind of works. Good, good, um, good banter.

Josh: Yeah, when you don't force it, I think that's the, um, that's the key. Give us two more, uh, Derek, two more, uh, interesting facts that we need from your fact sheet.

Derek: Stinky Todd at M&M, it says here. Um, in, I think, season one, there was a guy who had dreadlocks and they, the other housemates were calling him Stinky. Yeah, right. He probably just had natural odour or something, natural stink. But you know the shallow teenagers, you know what they're like. Anyway, I'm backing the stinky guy. But anyway, he actually shaved his dreadlocks off to try and get, you know, more attention and everything on the show while he was on there. Yeah, but he got evicted. But in those early days, people were going hell for leather into famous dudes. But it was tricky for him around Fitzroy because one of, you know, an ex-housemate, even when they were fresh would sit by the fire in a local bar and everyone would especially not notice him, right? You know what I mean? Like, people that— that fits right.

Josh: That's a Northside thing as well, right? That's like— it's a bit mean.

Derek: I want to rally against that because, yeah, what do you— what do you go on reality TV show for? Not to sort of— yeah, exactly. Or, or anything. Like, I want to be— yeah, I'd love people.

Tommy: Yeah, notoriety.

Derek: You're right, it's you. Yeah. But anyway, this guy One of my, um, one of the MBBS, we— she got us tickets. Um, shout out to Holly C. She, um, you know, she's listening. That was her special secret radio name. But anyway, see, um, she, um—

Tommy: I love that Derek comes on this show and does in-jokes.

Derek: She got— this way I'll find out if anyone's listening. Perfect.

Josh: It's awesome.

Tommy: He's planting seeds just to make sure that his mates are listening.

Derek: So for you, so the— she got us tickets to see Eminem at the Tennis Centre or one of those.

Tommy: Yeah, I went that year. He came. That would have been what, oh, crazy, over 10 years ago.

Derek: I was a legit grown-up by then.

Tommy: Yeah, I was a legit peewee.

Derek: Yeah, but I— all you guys, like every scumbag, like teenage thug. Yeah, from the whole of outer Melbourne, like deep out of Melbourne. Was all at this one place at the one time. And there we were with good tickets down on the floor with this guy who came along with us, Todd, who'd come out of the Big Brother house.

Tommy: Classic, right?

Derek: And so we used to— Fitzroy goes, don't worry about it because people especially ignore you. John Safran was standing like 10 feet away.

Tommy: Did you see?

Derek: He joined our crew. We're having chat with him, and then all these people, all these kids started going, oh my God, it's Toddy! And it kicked off so hard, like The whole thing was pointing, the whole arena, like English soccer fans were going, "Toddy! Toddy!" And all these like Stormtrooper, like all the security guards in the whole building ended up making a wall around us. And all these kids are breaking through and running up just to touch him, just touching him, going, "Get aye, Toddy!" Some of them calling him all kinds of names. They didn't know, they just knew he was famous and they were going to town. It was just really frightening and really bizarre.

Tommy: What was John Safran doing at that moment?

Derek: He was just going, what the hell?

Tommy: I'm famous too. Did you know I went to that concert with Richard Stubbs?

Derek: Oh really?

Tommy: You know, the radio presenter? He was really famous back then. And I remember walking through, he was my mate's cousin at the time, and we got a limo in there and we went underground, got the lift up, and we're walking through, but Yeah, it was— he was famous and people were— I just remember that was like a first taste of being around someone that famous. Good to know that you were there having the same experience.

Derek: Oh man, it was just insane. Do you remember chatting, Toddy?

Tommy: I don't remember that, but I wouldn't have had any— I wouldn't have any idea at that point.

Derek: No, it was, it was nuts. And it was just, you know, it's like that thing when an election happens and you go, oh, that's right, everybody is not like me.

Josh: Is there any limousine nowadays that isn't a bit naff? Oh yeah, like Can you actually take a limousine like as a high-profile celebrity person? Like it feels like it's something that's gone completely off the radar. It seems like limousines are exclusively for bogans going to Bali who need to get to the airport.

Derek: Yeah, if as long as it says, as long as the number plate says "lim for hire" or something on it, that's pretty cool. I think if I was gonna be getting up there in the super fame, I think I would send my mates in the limo and turn up in the old Subaru Forester.

Tommy: I would, yeah, I think I'd prefer like a Bentley, sitting in the back of a Rolls-Royce or a Bentley.

Derek: Oh, can I upgrade my Forester?

Josh: I just want simple things. I just want a Tesla. Yeah, once I get like, I'm not really into cars, but I feel like the, um, I was speaking to a mate about it the other day. It's like the Tesla is just a sexy car, especially like all the inside, the electronics and stuff like that.

Tommy: There is a company that does all chauffeur cars, Teslas. They've only got Teslas. So there's like a chauffeur service only in Teslas. There's something for everybody, mate.

Josh: Yeah, just do that instead. And don't even have to buy one.

Tommy: No, don't buy one.

Derek: I want one.

Josh: Derek, mate, thanks for, uh, making the 100-meter walk to, uh, it's been huge. Collingwood.

Derek: I haven't missed, I haven't missed one word of your show, by the way. I listened to what you were saying on Friday.

Josh: Oh good.

Derek: And, uh, not one word. There's plenty of, uh, driving out to my parents' house time for other podcasts.

Josh: Oh, perfect, perfect. I'm glad. And yeah, everyone, make sure you, uh, listen to Derek's podcast, What Now? If you actually go onto iTunes or the podcast app and you see what other people are listening to, What Now is one of the top ones when they look, when you look at our show. So, yeah, just basically us all listening to ourselves in a big circle jerk, as we like to do.

Tommy: Next minute we'll be on the plane to the Gold Coast for a weekend together, all us local podcasters.

Josh: I think we should 100% should do some sort of podcast trip. But it's The Daily Talk Show, everyone. hi@thedailytalkshow.com if you want to send us an email. Maybe you might be a previous contestant on Big Brother. Is it contestant? What would you call it? It's a fucking—

Derek: Housemate.

Tommy: Oh, yeah.

Josh: Housemate. Yeah. If you're listening, you're a Big Brother housemate, let us know.

Tommy: We'll catch you tomorrow, guys.

Derek: Bye-bye.