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Tom Harkin

Tom Harkin

Facilitator and founder of Tomorrow Man

1 episodeFeb 2020

About Tom

Tom Harkin - Facilitator and founder of Tomorrow Architects and Tomorrow Man.

Tom is a facilitator and the founder of Tomorrow Architects, a consultancy focused on leadership, emotional agility and helping reinvent people development.

Tom also co-founded Tomorrow Man, which is a social enterprise aimed at starting the conversation among boys and men, to reinvent masculinity by disrupting stereotypes and training the emotional muscle.

Tom Harkin: http://www.tomharkin.com.au/

Tomorrow Architects: https://www.tomorrowarchitects.com/

In Tom’s words

Verbatim from the transcripts — each quote links to the moment.

“I think the rip-off at the moment for blokes is that if they grow up and they're not brought into environments where they get to question the norms that they're kind of growing up with, they end up with half a toolkit.”
Ep 614▶ 19:34
“If he thinks he's going to lose his mates and they're not going to want to drink a beer with him anymore, then I'd rather not be healthy, thanks very much, because I don't want to be rejected by the people that, that are my tribe.”
Ep 614▶ 35:53
“And I'm like ghost man, kind of like I'm looking like I'm looking through a a glass window at you saying this, and I have nothing left to actually take part, you know.”
Ep 614▶ 44:46
“Nothing, nothing puts me back in my body as much as that. Like not a meditation or a massage or anything.”
Ep 614▶ 50:31
“Go big or go home, definitely, or nothing.”
Ep 614▶ 52:19

Tom’s advice on the show

How can you get a closed-off man to open up emotionally?

Avoid direct, face-to-face confrontation; instead talk side-by-side (e.g., in a car), stay laid-back, and don't bombard a small moment of honesty ('a breadcrumb') with lots of follow-up questions, which can shut the person down.

When is the right time to have a difficult conversation with a mate?

Read the context and protect the other person from feeling exposed — don't raise a deep question in front of a group of mates banter-ing; instead use side-by-side time, like a car trip, when there's space for a real chat.

How can everyday people create change in their community without waiting for institutions?

Don't wait for councils or government to act — identify a need in your own community, rally friends, and start something small yourself, as these local actions are usually what create lasting change.

How should a facilitator handle a hostile group that doesn't want to be there?

Don't get defensive or try to overpower the resistance; acknowledge you're not there to waste their time, offer them the option to leave, explain why you're doing it, and let those who stay engage on their own terms.

What's one simple habit that helps men build deeper relationships?

Practise asking the 'second and third question' instead of stacking surface-level first questions (e.g., moving from 'how's the footy' to genuinely asking what's going on for someone and following up on their answer).

Stories Tom told

How the Gus Worland documentary sparked Tomorrow Man

Ep 614▶ 2:22

Harkin recounts running a workshop with teenage boys and CEOs for a documentary in which Gus Worland travelled Australia investigating male suicide after his best friend and mentor took his own life despite seemingly having a perfect life; the documentary's success led a producer to warn Harkin to lock down his socials before the public response hit.

The Elsa costume at the Greek airport

Ep 614▶ 16:44

Harkin describes his son Riv wanting an Elsa costume and doll at a Greek airport toy store; Harkin initially steered him toward something else before catching himself imposing his own bias, then let Riv buy the costume and noticed strangers' reactions at the airport.

Crying at A Star Is Born

Ep 614▶ 24:20

Harkin describes an unexpectedly emotional reaction to watching 'A Star Is Born' on a date night, breaking down and taking 20 minutes to leave the cinema, which he connects to unprocessed emotion from his work.

"The cavalry is not coming" moment on the Northern Beaches

Ep 614▶ 32:22

During a workshop with about 150 men, a participant challenged Harkin on what happens after the session ends, prompting Harkin to develop his now-signature line that change must come from the community itself, not from facilitators returning.

The waterboard high-vis worker testimonial

Ep 614▶ 34:30

A skeptical, hostile worker at a waterboard company workshop who initially dismissed the facilitators as 'hipsters' ended up praising the session and became a vocal supporter at every subsequent workshop at that workplace.

Couples counselling over ambition and providing for the family

Ep 614▶ 46:14

Harkin describes going through couples counselling with his wife Paige in the early years of building Tomorrow Man, as she felt like a single parent while he poured himself into work he believed was providing for their future.

Questions these interviews answer

Drawn from the episode transcripts.

How did Tom Harkin's organisation Tomorrow Man start?

It grew out of a documentary Harkin worked on with radio host Gus Worland, who travelled Australia investigating masculinity after his best friend and mentor took his own life; Harkin ran workshops for teenage boys and CEOs in the doco, and after it aired the public response led to Tomorrow Man being formalised.

From episode 614→
Why do men's friendships tend to fall apart in their 30s?

According to Harkin, most male friendships form around structured activities imposed early in life (school, organised sport); once men enter long-term relationships, leave shared housing, and age out of organised sport, there's no built-in excuse to keep gathering, so friendships fade and men rely solely on their partner for emotional support.

From episode 614→
What's a good way to get a closed-off man to open up emotionally?

Harkin advises against direct, face-to-face questioning (calling it intimidating); instead he recommends side-by-side settings like driving in a car, being laid-back, not pouncing on small admissions ('breadcrumbs'), and practising asking a genuine second and third follow-up question rather than just surface-level first questions.

From episode 614→

Episodes with Tom

Every episode featuring Tom Harkin on The Daily Talk Show.