Joey

Tommy: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 681.

Tommy: What's happening, guys? What's going on?

Josh: What are you wearing?

Tommy: Yeah, I look like a junkie in Abbotsford, or someone just prepped for Friday night drinks, you know, just trying on a few different outfits. Now, I found these on, on the desk. Amy was on a, um, a Zoom call last night and she had them on for some reason. But I'll put those down now. But just on the junkie thing, mate, I'm living with a junkie.

Josh: Is this the chocolate stuff with Bodhi?

Tommy: Mate, Bodhi is a junkie. It's scary. It's absolutely scary. Bodhi woke up this morning downstairs. I just hear this pitter-patter and I'm like, it's never a good sign. It's either a good sign 'cause they've gone to bed or it's a bad sign because they're up to no good.

Josh: And then he came around the corner and said, Can I have a dollar?

Tommy: No, I came downstairs, he'd gone outside, he got two chairs, put them together, got up onto the top of the fridge, which I thought was high enough and at the back to get him away from the chocolate, and he smashed four eggs bigger than like a picture, like a large egg that you'd buy from the supermarket, like a real egg, that size, four of them. Absolute junkie. How could I do that?

Josh: Doing this, like, it seems— I'm not questioning your parenting, but if he has a chance to get the two chairs, stand up, do all that sort of thing, I can't see why they are.

Tommy: Yeah, a junkie can sniff out, you know, the, the drug anywhere. It's full on. It's full on.

Josh: How long do you reckon there is a time? Yeah, how much time between do you think he's actually spending trying to to get them?

Tommy: Oh, not a great deal. Could be a few minutes. He's quick, but he even went outside, went outside to eat it.

Josh: What about locks on fridges? That's a big thing. I'm surprised, Mum. Can you get locks on fridges?

George: Yeah.

Tommy: I mean, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, what's that? You know, fool me twice, shame on you.

Josh: You're at about 25 times, so I think the joke's on you.

Tommy: Yeah, the joke is on me. No, but I've now just put it in a cupboard that he can't get to.

Josh: But I've said that before. Isn't that what you just said about the fridge?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mason: That's what I'm saying.

Tommy: I put it at the top, like he could climb in the pantry. He's a little unit, bro. He's an absolute unit.

Mason: But do you reckon it's impossible now? You don't reckon he'll get them?

Tommy: Nah, I would never say never. Never say never. You know, I've done some big missions to go and get some substance in the past, and I thought I couldn't do it, but I did it.

Josh: So anyway, are you saying to him, are you saying, mate, you're a little unit? Like, are you giving him a little bit of Praise or what happens when he gets—

Tommy: Oh no, absolutely not. I had him upside down hanging one leg, had him, and I took him into his room and dropped him into his bed.

Josh: Do you think he thinks it's funny?

Tommy: No, he's not laughing. He's not laughing. Time Out hates it. Hates Time Out.

George: Does he cry for sugar later?

Tommy: Yeah, but he's— that's not my— it's the ultimate not my problem. He's at daycare at the moment. But I tell you what is my problem. Getting a little cold. I've got a little cold, boys. No good.

Josh: Whose fault's that?

Tommy: Well, it's not Blame Monday, so I can't really blame, but if it is, um, you're past the Blame Wednesday. Yeah, Bodhi's. I mean, Jordan Peterson says, raise a child, raise, uh, you don't want to hate your child. I'm not saying I hate my child, but you know, it's, uh, he's annoying the fuck out of you. Yeah, I don't know when that turns in Yeah, no, I love it.

Josh: I feel like I grew up with my mum saying that a lot. I used to like, I think that my parenting, it's very easy not being a parent, I know. But I think that my parents, my mum's and dad's parenting style, I think was very much like, tell Josh why he's a bit of a shit kid. I think maybe it was because I was so over-the-top hyperactive where I feel like potentially George, you look like you're the result of never having a bad thing said to you.

George: 100% correct.

Josh: Yeah, just like nice, timid, whereas I'm like, I'm ready just to tell everyone to fuck off. And maybe that's because that's what I grew up with.

George: Yeah, no, you're dead right. I was, well, in my family I was the youngest, so, you know, my brother and sister always getting in the fights. But then also at school, I feel like everyone just kind of liked me.

Tommy: Likeable George.

Josh: How annoying. Your mic level's a little low, if I'm honest.

Tommy: Yeah, that's not likeable.

Josh: Yeah. But, and so TJ, I think like the locks would be fun. I think there's a few ways you could go. You could go the locks or there is also the magnetic smart Door Solutions. It's just like a little, um, it's just like a magnet, and when it gets sort of separated, you'll get notified. So like an alarm system.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, that or shock collar. Uh, I'm tending towards the shock collar.

Josh: You get around, it should work. Yeah.

Tommy: Um, so I think it's Sunand in the comments, he's saying, I hope you guys are watching the comments. Yeah, we are, brother. G'day.

Josh: What do you think we should do? What should TJ do with his parenting?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, my son is just getting into the chocolate and he's sniffing it out, finding it out. But I mean, he had options this morning though, guys, 'cause Amy had baked all these cupcakes for her workplace and they were on the bench. And so if he'd got into the cupcakes, it would have been, you know, quite, it would have been really fucking annoying.

Josh: How could you create a lesson? Like how could this become a bit of a lesson? What about if you were to switch out the chocolate for something else? Or what about if you were to— —Or even wrap the— use the foil and put vegetables and fruit and put it all in the fridge. A plant.

Tommy: I should do that, set up a little camera. I don't know if it's— because then what you're doing is setting him up. So, you're going, do the behaviour. But then on the other side, it has to be, what if I put real eggs in there? Like real eggs, wrap— real eggs boiled. Hard-boiled. So, hard-boiled so it doesn't annoy me. Should I do this tomorrow? Yeah, definitely.

Josh: What about this? When I, with my cat, I had a cat named My Cat, and what we would do is you fill up a water bottle and just spray, like if he's starting to go to the fridge, just spray the water at him. Yeah.

Tommy: That was a thing. We had that for our dog too. But I mean, I wonder what just is like human rights, like what—

Josh: He doesn't have any rights to fucking Easter eggs in the morning.

Tommy: Absolutely not. Can you scare—

Mason: can you put like a— it's a bit hard, but could you like scare him when he goes to— if he's sticking his hand under like in the— behind on top of the fridge or whatever, he's not really looking at what's going on there. Could you have like a, I don't know, like a little toy snake or something that pops out and scares the shit out of him?

Josh: I love that.

Tommy: So you're just trying to really build some fear into the kids.

Josh: Why not? The other stuff's not working. Yeah, we had a—

Tommy: this is interesting. You go. Sorry, Felipe in the comments. Sorry, PayPal. In Brazil, when the kids want to eat something bad, so bad, we give them a lot till they hate it so they won't ask for it again, which is—

Josh: I understand. She gave him a pack last week. Is he— yeah, but now he's—

Tommy: but now he's on to weed. It's getting crazy. Stay away, drug bro. Yeah, yeah, he's doing big cigars.

Josh: No, I think they could. There's a lot of fun in it. I think air horns would be fun. I think there's definitely a solution that's just, if you want to go cheap, which I know you do, you could just get like a speaker system that just attaches in the fridge and that you've got a remote to. But I guess what— For real? Yeah.

Mason: I think that it— Harry says a mousetrap.

Tommy: Yeah, looking— scare tactics only work so much. It's like raising your voice, it only works so much before it just like, it crumbles them. They're just—

Josh: it's too much for them, you know. And so what's, what's, what's your fear about it becoming too much for— is it, is it not okay for it to be too much?

Tommy: No, I think, I think it's, um, what you've laid out is tactics that scare you so bad that you don't want to ever do it again. Yeah. And so But also, let's crumble him and then build him back up based on a skill set that you—

Mason: But does he— He doesn't have to know it's me.

Tommy: Is he a Navy SEAL?

Josh: No, I think that it's okay. Like, if he's clearly got too much confidence right now that he thinks it's okay. And so, if you just be like, you know what? Like, it's life or death right now and you need to settle the fuck down. And this is my house and this is what we're going to do for a bit and you're going to follow. And you know what? You're going to spend all day in timeout. You're hungry? I don't give a fuck. Here's the— my mum used to do this all the time. Here, call the police. Call them.

Tommy: She'd give you the phone.

Josh: Yeah, she'd give me the phone. Of course I'm not calling the police. I was too scared to call the police. And in the grand scheme of things, he's got fucking hot water. He's got all these great facilities.

Tommy: He's a lucky boy. Yeah, he's a lucky boy.

Josh: And so the thing is, at the moment, lucky boy is based on eggs. Let's get it back to necessities. A bed to sleep on. You know, a roof over his head. And the way that you've got to do that is to break him.

Tommy: I would— I don't mind the egg thing. I reckon I could boil the eggs, break it, but then he gets a nice egg to eat. Yeah, but when you think of chocolate, if you wanted chocolate, would you go, ah, look, someone's boiled me an egg, I'll eat the egg now? Like, it's not what you're going for.

Mason: I would probably eat it.

Tommy: Yeah. Lara's saying, replace it with really dark, bitter chocolate.

Josh: That's a good idea.

George: Oh, that's a good idea.

Josh: I used to have the hot mustard and I got to an age where I started enjoying the hot mustard and I would swear and they'd put hot mustard. So, I couldn't, that couldn't be used anymore. But yeah, I love the dark chocolate.

George: Spicy. Make it spicy.

Josh: Oh, spicy is good. Yeah.

Tommy: So, he calls things that are spicy, prickly. And he calls my prickly beard sparkly. So, he interchanges the words. He's got it mixed up. So, he's going to think that it's prickly. What you're going to— I give him some spicy food, it's prickly.

Josh: Do you think he gets a sense with the chocolate stuff that there are consequences if he eats them?

Tommy: I mean, I think just making sure you follow through by putting him into timeout is a solid way. A solid way. Like, he hates it.

Josh: So, the fool me once, fool me twice, fool me— 70 times? Like, is he learning?

Tommy: Oh, I mean, you're doing a Michael Bungostania, like setting me up for the answer that you know. No, he's not learning. But I mean, this is what the lengths you go to for chocolate. But I've just got to—

Josh: Is it a chocolate thing? Like, I don't think it—

Tommy: like, I mean, okay, he's not going down getting, um, you know looking for his Weet-Bix. Like, it's— what's the real challenge? It's off the back of last weekend. The real challenge isn't beating your kid, you know, you know what I mean? Like, that's a real challenge for parents.

Josh: But not like the—

Tommy: I resorted to clapping over his bum to make it sound like I was smacking his bum, and all that did was hurt my hands because I clapped so hard I didn't even slap his bum. So I was like, that pissed me off even more. So what is it?

Josh: So say if you're, uh, like, say if you're quoting for something, let's, let's, let's make it a business analogy. If you're, uh, if you're quoting something for a client and you say, you know, we've got— it's going to cost 10 grand, and then they say, oh, we've only got 7, then what normally happens is you remove something from the quote because they can pay 7 grand but they're getting less. It feels like, do you have that structure where it's like there's obvious things. Like if you do that there, see this, the iPad, the iPad's no more. Yeah.

Tommy: Well, I think it's chocolate. I go to, you're not having chocolate again for months. Like that's the fucking—

Josh: Well, he doesn't— That's not gonna really scare him because he's just fucking eating 2 boxes of chocolate.

Tommy: I want you to forget what chocolate tastes like. That's how hard I'm gonna go.

George: Is he getting embarrassed yet, or is he too young?

Tommy: Oh no, he gets embarrassed. It's funny because he gets, um, he says, oh, I don't want to go to daycare, I'm shy. I'm like, mate, you're not shy. I don't know where he's got that from. He's a maniac. The people in the streets know him. Next door neighbour said that there was people walking past saying, where's that Bodhi kid? How do they know him? I don't know these people that are walking past. He goes up to people and he I'm Bodhi. Hello, I'm Bodhi. It's cute.

George: I remember in the supermarket as a kid, when I was in the supermarket and we'll be naughty, mum would just say, I'll just lie down. I'm going to lie down in the middle of the aisle. Your mum would do that? Yeah. Absolute respect from Kaz.

Josh: I love that.

George: Yeah. Well, I don't think we— she ever did it because we just stopped because it's too embarrassing. How old were you? So, you'd just be like, Don't eat the chocolate or I'm going to go pick you up from daycare in my undies or something.

Tommy: Nah, mate, I would be in jail. I would actually go to jail.

George: Yeah, you would.

Josh: Surely. I see the opportunity. I mean, because I know that I'm not living it. And so, I'm sure there's parents yelling right now saying, Josh, you have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. No, I appreciate it. Sunan says, Do kids like Vegemite?

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, when it's got butter, butter and Vegemite. Okay. You know?

Josh: So, you couldn't just give him a spoonful of veggie?

Tommy: Oh, I don't think he'd like that. No, no. But this is— So, that's the point. What animal likes that? Yeah.

Josh: What do you think, Sev? I feel like you're a level— Like if TJ's the soft one, I'm the hard one. George, I don't know where George sits. And then— I feel like Seb, you're quite the sort of the good in between. What do you think should happen?

Mason: Good in between. Yeah, I mean, you could probably, I guess there are like two ways. You could either make it the, I guess the punishment sort of thing come from you, or you could set up a mousetrap or something like that up there. And then it's like, you know, I wasn't down there, it's not me. So, you could go like those two routes where it's just like, that's what happens. You know, I didn't set that up, buddy.

Josh: So, like a karma, so sort of teaching about karma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Yeah, you do have that, um, that— what's that show? The nanny vibe.

Josh: Um, not The Nanny, but that, um, yeah, Super Nanny. It's not acceptable. It's not acceptable.

Tommy: Like, she doesn't put up with shit.

Josh: Yeah, super uncle. There's sort of, to be honest, there's a part of me that would absolutely thrive. Like, if you were to, um, give me permission to be the hated one of your mates from Bodhi's perspective I would be happy to be the super uncle to go in and be like, look, things are changing. Like, I think there's something really fun in that. There's something really like, in just a way that on the other side, he won't be like an arse. Like, aren't you worried that if you are a pushover and you don't do anything, that he'll end up being a little asshole when he grows up?

Tommy: Look, I think a pushover wouldn't hold him upside down by his foot and take him to his bed more than twice. Like I did it multiple times this morning, but you're right, it is this morning. Yeah, the, um, you definitely are thinking long game when you, when you're a parent. Like, you gotta, you gotta face up to it today, tomorrow, it's a net, it's a constant grind. So I empathise with the suggestions based on you don't have to think about this for the rest of your day because you're the only one stealing your own chocolate.

Josh: And so you're worried, so you're worried that if you do it, that you're going to have to live, live that life. You're going to have to be that guy.

Tommy: Enforcing discipline is a tricky thing. Like, when do you guys need to discipline someone other than yourself? You know, it's a weird thing. Like, I mean, enforcing discipline on your own self to stick at something is hard enough.

Josh: But I reckon it's harder disciplining myself than I could. I'm very comfortable disciplining other people. I think that's where.

Tommy: Yeah, it's the giving advice versus taking the advice that you are giving out and acting on it. That's, I think, the challenge we all have, right?

Josh: Shannon says, ha ha ha ha ha, your parenting advice makes me laugh, JJ. It's truly entertaining. Ha ha. I think I've hit a nerve with Shannon. What do we think? Oh no. Or she's laughing. Too many ha's. No, no. I don't know if there's laughs, Shannon.

Tommy: When you said it like that, it sounded like really passive laughing. Haha. She's just pissing herself.

Josh: No, I know everyone's doing their best, but we can all do more.

Tommy: Hey, Olivia Brown has mentioned that she's in year 12 and she says she's been at school for 2 hours and have already received more than 50 notifications. Came to you guys for a break. Today kids are going back to school in Victoria at least, a lot of them are doing the homeschooling thing. I've seen a few parents on, um, Instagram post, uh, wish me luck. And, you know, like Michelle Laurie, comedian, she's posted something about like, um, you know, going, uh, she's so pumped that her kid's going back to school. Like, because, uh, teaching kids at home, doing the homeschooling thing's really hard. I mean, it's probably not on your radar, guys, but thinking about Thinking about this new world we live in with the homeschooling stuff, it's, it's, yeah, I mean, what if it's so— it's full-on.

Josh: What about me becoming the, um, I— we could do a show called The Proxy Parent, and so I could, because I've got opinions on this too. Like, you know, we could— I could put together a curriculum in half an hour.

Tommy: Well, the thing is, from, from what I've heard, 90 minutes is about the contact time. So I was listening to Sam Harris's podcast and over in the States they're doing the homeschooling thing, but literally it's a daycare service for grown children. Like, think about your socialising at lunch and play lunch or recess, and, um, you know, within the classes, how much active time are you putting pen to paper, or like, you know, the teacher delivering the information? Think about it like if you condense it down, I think that's what we're finding. The condensing down is meaning that you're seeing the real time that a class or a day is taking from a curriculum perspective. And then all that other time is just, you know, just trying to go to the toilet or, you know, saying you're sick and going to the sickbay to have a sleep. That's what I did.

Josh: What do you think would you, if we had sort of a show kid, so say if we had a kid that was a shared kid. Yeah, shared kid.

Mason: All 4 of us is sharing it.

Tommy: Yeah, 11 years old. Can we have Ashton? Can we have Shannon's kid? No.

Josh: Do you wanna donate your child? Ashton's too young. Shannon's actually saying, also, please note that you can't discipline a toddler the way you would an older child/teenager/adult. Their brains are that of a toddler, an infant even. Even the concept of discipline to toddlers is foreign. Teaching them the concept is hard enough, let alone enforcing it. So, I think Aston's too hard. But 11, at 11 years old, I think that's a good age. If we were to sort of co-parent, the 4 of us, our new bub, let's give it, let's give him or her a name. Do we want a boy or a girl?

Tommy: I mean, George can choose.

Josh: Okay. Boy? Let's go boy. Yeah. Right. Yep. And now name? Any suggestions of names?

Tommy: Um, I feel like George would call his son George.

Josh: George Jr. You mean George Senior would call him? Yeah, he would call your kid George for sure. Uh, definitely not. Yeah. Um, yeah, so I think Stripe. Stripe, like a PayPal sort of. Yeah, can we call him—

Tommy: let's call him Rona. That's Rona.

George: Yeah. Oh, did you hear there was actually these twins, these twins that got born in, I think, India or something, and the parents called them COVID and Corona?

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: Oh no, can we just talk about why?

Josh: Like, you know, it's, um, Boggins in India.

Tommy: It's, it's, is it, you know how people are saying COVID-19 versus coronavirus, and I've heard a few sort of news anchors correct themselves, oh no, COVID-19. Is this ISIS and IS?

Josh: Coronavirus is like, there's been coronavirus for forever. So, if you type it, like I was watching a video that was like over a year old talking about coronavirus, which is just a type. So, COVID-19 is—

Mason: So, that's like the coronavirus is the, is like the base virus, right? And then COVID-19 is a strain of coronavirus.

Tommy: SARS, SARS-V2. This is what another person was saying.

Josh: I don't know why I'm saying correct, like I'm—

Tommy: But I'm trying to work out, are they Are they trying to— you know how there was like the issue with ISIS using the branding? They didn't want to give it that, you know. COVID-19 is the disease name, says Grace. Yeah, but is it a— like, I'm just trying to work out why people are sensitive to it.

Josh: Well, because there's going to be more coronaviruses in existence, and so I guess you need to, um, identify the exact disease.

Tommy: Great. I wasn't sure if it was just like people were Like, oh, we can't— you know, it's sensitive, we don't want to, you know, we want to sort of give it the less impactful name. COVID-19 sounds less—

Josh: just more confused at that point. And so what, um, so what are we calling our kid? Rona. What do you think about Rona? What do we think about Elliot?

Mason: Elliot's good. No, I don't really like Elliot.

George: Why? Tim.

Tommy: Tim is my dad's name. Tim.

George: James is my middle name, same as yours, isn't it, George? Ben. No, mine's Thomas. Thomas. Oh yeah, that's right.

Tommy: You had one of my names. You had my first name, George.

George: Mason's my name, Thomas as well.

Josh: Can we call you Thomas? Grace says SARS-CoV-2 is the virus that causes COVID-19. We need to get Grace back on talking about diseases and also Lyme disease and ticks. Yeah, great.

Tommy: We could, well, maybe we could give her some stuff so she can dust up on specific info that we need. So, so we're not just throwing dumb—

Josh: Do you know the first 20 elements, Grace?

Mason: Because hydrogen, hydrogen, boron, hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon— hang on. Hydrogen, helium, and lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon everywhere, nitrogen all through the air, there's oxygen so you can breathe, and fluorine—

Josh: hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, neon, sodium, magnesium, silicon, phosphorus, sulfur, Or potassium, calcium, I don't know. I liked my science teacher. Geez. And then I really wanted to—

Tommy: Grace, are you hot and heavy right now listening to sex ASMR?

Josh: Singing that little song?

Tommy: Now that's— yeah, Grace says this is hot.

George: Classic.

Josh: And so, okay, so Elliot, or we're not calling him Elliot, what, final name, TJ?

Tommy: What's wrong with Joe? Can we call him Joe? Joe for Joe Exotic. It's the year of Joe. Yeah, that's good.

Josh: I like that.

Tommy: Yeah, I like Joe. J-O-E. Yeah.

Josh: And what about Joey? Joey? Yeah, Joey. Joey. Because like Joe Exotic, Joey. And so, uh, Joey, he's 11 years old, going back to school today, but he's taking turns at our different homes. What should we be specialising in? He's our gaybie. Yes, I think so.

Tommy: Is that the— I think that's what you call it, gay baby, like a gay couple's baby. Gaybie. Haven't you heard that before?

George: Or are we— are you guys divorced and you're now, Tommy, you're with me, Mason's with Josh, and he's going between houses?

Josh: Yes. Yeah, that's good. This is funny. This is fun. Yeah. And so wait, so from a past, so TJ and I were in a marriage and now we're—

Mason: Yeah, we were married.

George: You've had a falling out. Yeah, you've broken up.

Josh: Definitely. Yeah, I feel like for both of us, like George, you're very much the new partner vibe for Tommy, you know?

Tommy: Can I just say, just jumping ahead a bit, can we build in the surrogate mother? Like, is Shannon the surrogate? Oh yeah, she birthed the child that gave it to Josh and I. And now it's probably just too late for me.

Josh: Yeah, it's funny. I don't think we need to work out the surrogacy situation, to be honest. It was definitely George's.

Tommy: No, it was Happy Harry's.

Josh: And so, um, so Joey, so Joey's deal Yeah, so 11 years old, what grade is he in? He'd be in grade 6. What is that, 7? Grade 5? Grade 6?

Tommy: Grade 5, you turn 12. Is he just turned 11 or is he turning 12?

Josh: Yeah, so he's turning 12, so he's in grade 6, final year.

Tommy: Grade 6, top dog, like you're top of the, top of the, I mean, if you just went to a primary school where it finished at 6, primary schools do, but you know, not within, you know, some of them go on to year 7, 8. So you're the kings, you're the kings and queens of the school. Yeah.

Josh: At that age. And so I think that, to be honest, I think that's where our parenting is gonna differ. I think that you're gonna bring up a Donald Trump, you know, just kings, you're the best, you're the greatest, you're all like, let's just settle down. You know, you know, king, you're at the bottom of the food chain for a lot of people.

Tommy: No, I'm saying you think it, you think it. I thought it was, you know, grade, grade prep or grade 1, you saw the grade 6s and like, wow, look how big those people are. But then you get there and you get to year 7, you realise that you're just a little bitch because there's year 12s. And so it's— I'm just saying the cycle of the kids' mentality, they think they're the oldest.

Josh: Sean says, uh, uh, sup fellas, I've been intrigued by the premise of the Daily Talk Show since the beginning. He thinks we should be more specific with our content. Sean, how can we get more specific? We have a child that's 11 years old whose name is Joey, what more do you want? We could niche. We niching into just content about our fake kid. Hair, eyes, yeah. And so, okay, so curriculum-wise, what are we all, um, pushing? What are we teaching?

Tommy: Uh, sport. Sport, you know, like Joe is edging. He's got ADD. Joe is— Joey is a little pocket rocket. Okay, so he needs to be, he needs to be run, run, he needs to be put outside.

Josh: I think I can, I trust, uh, Seb's looking after all STEM.

Mason: STEM? What's STEM again? The science, maths, it's all that sort of like science, engineering, maths. So look, yeah, I mean, I can do basic maths, that's, I can do that. Yeah, I can look after STEM.

Tommy: Well, you are the smartest out of his parents. What do you— So, can I just— I'm bringing outdoor activity to the table. I don't think I can do any songs, to be honest. I'll bring out outdoor activity to the table. George, what are you bringing as a parent to the table? What do you want to teach young Joey?

George: I'm happy to take hospitality, cooking.

Josh: Oh, yeah, that'd be great. I hope you're right. That sort of stuff. Yeah.

George: Although, oh, this is interesting because he's going to go between house to house and he's going to say that Mason's the better cook. There's going to be a lot of this kind of, you know. So yeah, I'll do that. I'll do cooking.

Josh: Sean says every show should be about this Joe character.

Tommy: You mean our son Joey?

Josh: Sean knows he's called Joey. Joey. Come on, Sean. Okay. And so no, the sport thing, the adventure stuff, that makes sense. What do you like doing, JJ?

Tommy: Oh, look, I think I would love to—

Mason: Lara says you can be the dance teacher, Josh.

Josh: Yeah, I would do dancing. But no, I think there's also something in Poetry. I'd love to do poetry. A lot of, well, because I think Seb's writing.

Mason: Yeah, creative writing. Journalism. Just a bit of essay writing.

Josh: I've got a book called How to Read Poems. Oh, really? So I think that would probably go through that. How to Read Poems? Yeah. Do you know how to read a poem?

George: Maybe not. You just read.

Josh: You just read. To be honest, I don't know. Yeah, this is—

George: I don't know, some poems I just don't get at all.

Josh: Yeah, so what do you mean? Okay, but that's—

George: and the way it's formatted and stuff.

Mason: If you don't get the poem, that's the poem's problem.

Josh: Yeah, I'm sorry, you guys are ignorant.

Tommy: Does it smell all right or— no, mate, I'm just— I just saw this stuff on the blinds next to the my setup here. Don't sniff it. And it looked like water. He's already— and I touched it. I've been— it's— look at this. Can you see that stickiness?

Josh: Oh, oh my God. Oh my— what the fuck is that? Tyrone's come. Harry!

Tommy: No, it's, um, actually doesn't smell that bad. It's— oh, oh, oh my God. The Junkie's been down here. The Junkie, along with Chocolate. I, I went into his bed last night. He'd got up on the top of his, uh, his like chest of drawers. It's quite high, dude. It's like double the size of him. He climbed up and he got down the Panadol, and the Panadol must have been a bit open, and he's got into the Panadol, and now the Panadol splashed on here somehow. Oh my God.

Josh: Okay, guys, so this is not good. Oh, Joey, to be honest, this is a friction. Like, if we're co-parenting, the friction is that he goes to your place and just can run an absolute muck, and then he tries to pull the shit at our place, and we're just having none of it.

Tommy: I mean, who does he want to go away with?

Josh: I think he wants the one that's providing communication and structure.

Mason: Sorry, sorry, mate.

Tommy: Joey's grandparents live in Byron Bay. We are able to go up to Byron, get good coffee from the barista of the bookshop, I take him on a run. We sometimes see, uh, Chris Hemsworth, don't we, George? We do.

George: We have a great time.

Josh: What do you guys do? Yeah, what do you guys do?

Tommy: What are your holidays like, Joey?

Mason: Joey's busy learning about valence electrons. Yeah, he's loving it.

Tommy: Fucking buzzkill.

Josh: Seriously, um, uh, you know, we, we're going to take, uh, we go to New Zealand, but we're taking him to New Zealand.

Mason: We're going to Queenstown.

Tommy: Hey, hey, young Joey, have you seen this little app? It's called AllTrails.

Mason: It is actually, that is fun. Imagine how dialled in Joey would be with all his apps. Like, we've spent so much time finding all the right apps and he can just inherit all of them. What a lucky kid. Yeah, he's so lucky.

George: He's an outdoors kid for us. He makes fires, he hunts, gathers, that sort of thing. He doesn't need electronics. Joey's gonna say you can.

Josh: I mean, I don't believe it because Tommy, I can imagine Tommy getting around screen time with Joey. Oh yeah. But we don't allow it in our house. But on the curriculum stuff, so there's poetry, writing, I think— Language? Learning another language? Not really. Self-expression. Okay, so great. So we would have basically a, um, no, but I also think, um, listening skills. What else, Sez? What else do you want to teach him? Listening skills.

Mason: Um, yeah, yeah, listening's good. Um, I think it'd be, I think it'd be great getting him around dancing and music.

Josh: Sunand just asked how we know each other. So Sunand, uh, Tommy and I were married Now George is Tommy's husband and 97's father. Where did we meet, Josh? We met on that flight back from Toronto.

Tommy: That's right. Yeah, Toronto.

Mason: No, I was having a fling with Dil.

Tommy: Sunan, we're just, we're talking shit. I'm sure we've explained it in a bunch of other episodes.

Josh: Lara, that's, that's, yeah, definitely some Seneca. Um, some, uh, I mean, TJ, you haven't done the obvious one, but meditation. I feel like you should do that after, on the beach.

Tommy: Yeah, on the beach up in Byron.

Josh: What about RE? Would you get, uh, mum teaching a bit of Catholicism?

Tommy: Uh, as in my mother? My, my mother? Yes. Yeah, no, just clarifying. I call Amy mummy, mum. So, but And she went to Bible colleges as well, so it's like it could have been one of them. Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah, definitely.

Josh: PayPal's gonna help teach Portuguese.

Tommy: That's epic, mate. Yeah, great. Bilingual child. Oh, fuck yeah, for both.

Mason: Yeah, definitely, definitely great if you knew a couple of languages. English, Spanish.

Tommy: I heard today that, I heard today that, um, people who practise a religion, so not the doctrine of it but just a daily practise of it, are happier than those who don't. It's interesting.

Josh: Yeah, I'd like to do a thing on world religions in general for Joey. Not sort of just— I think that every year he could read one sort of religious text. Yeah, interesting. What about getting—

Tommy: what about reading Quran? Good one, George. Sorry, good one. Sorry. What age can he try marijuana, George?

Mason: Uh, 16. Okay, yeah, fair. 16.

Josh: Okay, this is great. Are you getting it for him, or where is—

Mason: where's he getting it from?

Josh: Oh, has Breezy got me a coffee? Oh, thank you. This is great. Cheers, everyone. Oh, yum. And so, a couple of languages, says Olivia. He's 11, almost 12. Yeah, I mean, the thing is that it's a lot easier to do this shit when they're young. By the time you're 18, no offence, Olivia, but you've got no capacity to learn new shit.

George: You've got to get in. I was fluent in Italian by the time I went to year 7. I'm not even joking.

Tommy: And I forgot. What? Really? Remember how the other day we asked you, is there something you'd like to tell us that nobody really knows?

George: I forgot about it.

Tommy: That's a good fact. That is an absolute fact.

Josh: Could you say something? I can't even remember. I did the whole— Bonjour, guys. I bought that course that fucking the FBI uses. I've forgotten it all.

George: Yeah, because the school I went to, Lyons Primary School, was half— it was bilingual, so it was half Italian. Half English. Really? And the whole— So, for half the day, the teachers would only speak Italian, not even a word of English.

Josh: And so, you just learn to do like— Grace says, OMG, George, I can speak Italian too. Oh, too sensitive. This has become some sort of weird Brady Bunch scenario.

George: When she says too, I actually can't anymore. So—

Tommy: Did you, George, is that when you got that little dirty Sanchez of yours? Is that when you got that little dusting underneath your nose?

George: When I was about 12. I haven't shaved since I was about 12.

Tommy: Sibs, did you learn a language?

Mason: Uh, I, I did French in primary school and then, um, yeah, what, till year 9 in high school. But I went to New Caledonia for it, like, that was our French excursion. But I, I'm hopeless, I can't remember anything.

Josh: Grace says, uh, that is Spanish, Mason. Okay, sorry. Geez, that's nice. Does Grace ever call you 97s, or is that sort of— is it all just Mason?

Mason: Really? Nah, yeah, it's not really 97.

Tommy: Yeah, she's, she's, she's not here to fuck around.

Josh: Yeah, full name only. Full name, passport number please.

Tommy: Yeah, on the passport, passport number.

Josh: No, the, um The thing with the passport, my passport expires in November and I was planning on getting it renewed in Feb because you can't fly using a passport that's got less than 6 months on it. But I feel like I should just wait now. Like, there's no point getting a passport right now.

Tommy: If you've got the cash, I think the— you may as well get it done. Like, you've got a bit of time on your hands.

Josh: I was thinking, but then it's got like 10 years. If I can actually just put like, say, if we're not going to be able to do international travel for say 10 months or whatever. Say if I'm not going to go overseas until Jan next year, like 2021, might as well renew at the very latest point so then I get a full 10 years.

Tommy: There's nothing worse rushing to get a passport, nothing worse. Like, have you done the pressure? Yeah, I did. I had to get one before I went and did my, uh, stripping adventure in New Zealand. Like, I had it rushed through cost more money. It was a nightmare. And Josh, I know you got— because you would have to carry both, um, because of your US visa. Because if you want to get your visa put into that one, you have to go through the process again. So you're going to carry two. That's annoying.

Josh: And so where would, um, for an excursion point of view for Joey, we all— we got to, as couples, we got to pick one excursion each. George and TJ, where are you taking Joey?

Tommy: Where— if we're in Byron, how far is Nimbin? What's in Nimbin? The pot smoking capital of Australia. Such a shit suburb, is it?

Josh: Yeah, so this is what I worry. This is like, I guess I don't want Joey to smoke. Yeah, no, I feel the exact same way. I don't know.

Tommy: I don't know what to happen.

Josh: He's not an experiment in— I know, TJ, you think it's all fun and games. What? Well, just giving him pot, but his fucking brain is developing.

Tommy: He doesn't need that shit. Hey, George is the one that said 16 that he can have it.

Josh: The 16, I agree with. He's fucking 11 right now, mate.

Tommy: Do you know when I smoked weed for the first time in my life?

Josh: I'm guessing about 5 on the way you're acting.

Tommy: No, it's no good. Grade 5, that's too young, dude. Way too young. Yeah, jeez.

Josh: Yeah, anyway, so where are you taking him?

Tommy: Uh, well, I mean, George, um, how do you feel about— maybe, I don't know, you want to go? Yeah, we have that, we have that disposable income, don't we? No, we have disposable income. Who's cashed up? Well, George is. George got a loan from his mum. Byron.

George: Why do you think Tommy married me?

Tommy: Yeah, not for the moustache. It wasn't for his soft stuff.

Josh: Yeah, that's what you do with these toes.

George: No, no, no. Yeah, so we'll go to Europe, I reckon.

Josh: Yeah, that'd be a bad time to go to Europe, to be honest. Um, says, where do you like excursion-wise? I don't think we need to go as silly, to be honest.

Mason: What's up? I mean, if we're the responsible— if we're the responsible parents and we're building up a nest egg for him, I don't think we can blow all the cash on an excursion.

Josh: Did you guys have dolomite, by the way?

Tommy: Yeah, we walked down to the— yeah, yeah. You're probably too young, isn't it?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I'd fuck all in dollar, mate.

George: Yeah, because I, I had a, um, uh, I had to complain to ComBank recently about some weird money going missing, and I called them.

Josh: What was weird about the money?

George: Well, it was like $70 bought on Amazon, which I just didn't do. Okay, so, um, so I called them, I said, oh, there's been a weird transaction, and she answered, she's like, oh 'Thank you so much for being with CommBank for 26 years.' 'You've been a loyal customer.' Geez! So I've been there since I was born?

Tommy: Yeah, I've had my same— probably your same account too. I've had my same account with CommBank for years. I've still got it there. Somehow... You'll have it after you die as well. No no no no no. This dude at the Commonwealth Bank He fancied me and we got along quite well, and he gave me free, free account, no, no fee. I couldn't believe it. I was like, can you waive that fee? He's like, yeah. I was like, sweet.

George: Uh, you put money in for Bodhi at all?

Tommy: Uh, no, something else. He will get Joey. Yeah, yeah, we'll give Joey something. Now Joey's gonna Joey's got the ING, he's got the Splurge Save.

Josh: He's got, he's actually got Up.

Mason: Yeah, we're on Up, we're all digital. Yeah, he's got his savers dialled in, he's got automatic transactions when he gets his wage coming in, just he's dialled it in, he's actually invested, he's got index funds and he's just—

Josh: But he's not spoiled, he's not spoiled. Shannon says, I just renewed mine, this is about the passports, because I was supposed to be going to Vegas for my 30th this December, alas I don't think international travel will be open by then. Fuck, surely there's an opportunity for us to do a Vegas-themed party for Shannon in December. Yeah, that'd be funny. How could we do it?

George: Sure.

Josh: What would a Vegas party look like? What's a Friday night drinks dedicated to Shannon?

Tommy: Yeah. And so what?

Josh: Yeah. So what do we need?

Tommy: Pokies? Vegas-themed. No, Vegas-themed.

George: You could hire dealers and stuff and tables and set up a hall. And walk around and play games.

Josh: That'd be sick. Oh yeah. Yeah. If it was all virtual, what could we do if it was all virtual?

Tommy: Could we— some form of gambling, some betting on something. Don't know what it is, and it might not be real money. Could be Gronk Coin at that point.

Josh: Maybe Sean from the UK will have the Gronk Coin ready by then, and we could use Gronk Coin. That'd be a good idea.

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Um, today, guys, just, uh, sidetracking because I think we'll, um, we'll explore as, uh, as, uh, who suggested to us that we, um, focus on one topic per day.

Josh: I think that was another guy, Sean.

Tommy: Yeah, another guy, Sean. Yeah, yeah. As he said, this podcast is now all about bringing up Joey. That's all we're going to do for the next 10 years, pretty much.

Josh: No, I'm joking. I could get around it.

Tommy: We'll cheque in to see how Joey's going over the, over the years, over the months.

Mason: Um, today Joey's gonna have his own— when's he getting social media, by the way?

Josh: Uh, well, social media shutdown account. He's gonna be able to start— he can post with his own at the moment. Yeah, but every, every dance has to have Dad in it. Which one?

Tommy: Hey Dad.

Mason: Dad, Dad, the real Dad Harry.

Tommy: Anyway, we'll settle this in the courts, Josh.

Josh: And so, um, what's it—

Tommy: no, there's a few things going on today. Uh, just after lunch, guys, Ramble Campbell is going to be dropping another video that is, uh, helping us work out by the end of the day what we're going to be doing for our dress-up Friday night drinks. Oh, that's—

Josh: geez, that's controversial on Hump Day. Oh, on Hump Day.

Tommy: Well, we need to get it done because it's actually a small video. It doesn't go on the show, George, don't worry. It's just on Instagram and our social media. And, uh, and then later in the day, George, you're gonna be dropping something pretty special again, aren't you, mate? I am.

George: So are we deciding on the, uh, on the theme now, or we need to decide?

Tommy: Yeah, end of the day, end of the day.

Josh: George needs a freeze video.

George: I need it. Oh, we haven't worked it out yet. Oh, okay.

Tommy: That was why— well, I mean, this is the first time I'm hearing of this, George.

Josh: I mean, I thought that— I thought we're gonna be honest, I think it's being very left very late. I have tried to not be involved. I've tried not to rescue this because I'm not—

Mason: what do we rescue?

Tommy: Come off it, mate. People don't have that much on, let's be honest. It's going to be around the house.

Josh: It's— so what's Ramble? So the video— I love Ramble. I love all the videos he does, but what's, what's the video?

Tommy: It's, uh, helping us work out what we are going to be wearing. And so by the end of the day, this is what the video is going to be. The end of the day, we're going to see— it's just a part of the promotion, Josh. Let it, let it ride out a bit, baby. It's, uh, end of the day, we're going to lock in the exact costume.

Josh: Can he send it to George for his promo?

Mason: How much?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can send it to George.

Josh: George, is that gonna be okay? That's perfect.

George: Yeah, perfect.

Mason: That's perfect.

Josh: All right, to Daily Talk Show, 4 PM. George will be presenting his Hump Day. Uh, any, any teasers, George? What can you tell us?

George: Um, it's, it's, it feels a little bit like second album, uh, you know, those, that kind of vibe. Yeah, so you know, just lower your expectations a little bit.

Tommy: Yeah, but look, people thought— people think second albums sometimes bad, but if you're a true fan, you love every album. Yeah, moving forward, I think you guys will love it.

George: It's fun.

Mason: Yeah, great. No, we love you, George.

George: Love you, George. I love you.

Josh: I love you guys. And we love Joey too. Thanks for watching, everyone. Shannon says, let go of control for a second, JJ. It's all good. Yeah, we got this. I think I hit a nerve, Shannon. I'm just trying to proxy parent. Rain Man just popped—

Mason: Rain Man popped in at the end and he's, um, saying, what have I missed? Who's Joey?

Tommy: Yeah, Joey's our son.

Josh: Got a lot to, uh, catch up. Yeah, he's our kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you at 4 PM, guys. Have a good one.

Tommy: See you guys.