Happy Birthday Harry

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 680.

Tommy: What's happening, guys? What's going on? Welcome to second show of the day.

Josh: Happy Harry's joining us. How are you, Happy?

Harry: Hello, how are you?

Josh: Uh, really good. Uh, you're joining us from, uh, regional New South Wales. How's things over there?

Harry: I'm the shithole. It's the biggest— got a world record— the biggest inland hole Except for— it is, it's shit.

Josh: So out of 100, how are you feeling today?

Tommy: I can't tell, is this— they actually have a Hole Harry or you're just saying—

Harry: No, no, no.

Tommy: A shithole.

Harry: No, it's just a shithole.

Josh: Okay. Are you working for Visit New South Wales?

Harry: I'm working for Visit Victoria.

Josh: What are you out of 100, how are you feeling today?

Harry: I'm feeling good today. I'm at a 70, I reckon. Yeah, why so happy? It's good for me. I don't know, um, I had a good class this morning and I'm at my theatre mum's house, so it's been good to see her. And we've both been locked up for a few weeks, so it's been nice to come and see her.

Tommy: Good to see you keeping your 1.5, your 1.5.

Harry: We have been. She's out in the shed welding and I'm inside. Yeah, so good. She's making a, um, horseshoe circle, so a circle made out of horseshoes.

Tommy: Which, um, what for, Harry?

Harry: She's got, uh, she's got all sorts of horseshoe art in her garden, like a pear, and there's a flower, and there's all sorts of things all around it. She's, um, she breeds horses and races racehorses, so she's a pretty special lady.

Josh: Great.

Tommy: You're a special person. It's nice, nice to know that you're in company of other special people.

Harry: I sure am special. That's what my doctor says.

Josh: Uh, anything else happening, George? Oh, sorry, not George.

Mason: Uh, George, Harry.

Harry: Um, not too much, no. I had a class this morning through RMIT. It was a virtual classroom. And, um, yeah, nothing else is happening. I've been so sleepy, really unproductive since I've came back, back to the sticks. It's, um, It's like city life. I don't have that hustle in me anymore, so I've been doing this.

Josh: What are you doing?

Mason: Are you, are you forgetting something?

Josh: Hey, happy birthday!

Mason: Happy birthday! Yeah, look, you're an old soul, so I thought I'd, um, bring this out. Happy birthday!

George: Thank you! Happy birthday!

Tommy: Are you not going to mention— were you not going to mention this birthday?

Harry: I I just didn't come to my mind. I forgot, honestly. I hate birthdays. As somebody who likes to be the centre of attention, I hate birthdays.

Josh: Well, Ella texted, and, uh, your sister, uh, and your, uh, your mum and her were like, you've got to do something for, uh, Happy Harry, because you, you didn't mention— I can't believe you didn't mention it was your birthday.

Harry: Like, when you contacted my manager to get me on the show today, it didn't even click that it was my birthday.

George: It just—

Harry: I It didn't click. I just said, yeah, I'll do it. It's like I've got no client work coming in, so I'll just do it.

Josh: And so, uh, George, uh, you knew it was Harry's birthday?

George: Yeah, I did. Um, so we've, uh, found this news report, uh, of you, Harry, and we're, um, we're gonna play it now.

Josh: Okay.

Harry: Oh no, not the—

Josh: no, here we go.

Mason: News report.

Harry: News.

Tommy: TV's Harry Lodge.

Harry: How are you, babe?

Tommy: I feel like we've got another old soul.

Josh: 2 points to number 7, Harry Lodge.

Tommy: You do one week of work experience and we want you for life.

Josh: What's your nickname going to be as well? We need a nickname.

Tommy: I like Happy Harry. Happy Harry. Harry makes us happy.

Josh: Happy Harry's been calling me Daddy because he knows how much I hate it.

Jess: Happy Harry.

Mason: Happy Harry.

Josh: Got on the boot.

Tommy: Have you had one beer? No, you've had one beer, you're done.

Harry: It's as dry as a dead dingo's donger.

Josh: And then he said, ah, he's doing Pete's Two Step. Yeah, definitely cheque out Ladyland, uh, Apple Podcasts, Spotify.

Harry: My phone's buzzing too, I think it's Beyoncé.

Tommy: We have a star amongst us.

Josh: There was a series called Teenage Boss and there's a whole episode just called Harry.

Harry: Denise, what do you wear? Is it Denise?

Mason: It's Denise, yeah.

Harry: What do you wear? You turn on the hot tap, wash your hands, put on on the soap, wash your hands again, then turn on the cold tap.

Josh: Don't cover it, you've covered the branding on the camera.

Harry: Wash your hands, turn off the hot tap.

Tommy: Beg your pardon, say it again.

Harry: Wash your hands and then turn off the cold tap. So then that way— hang on, am I missing something?

Josh: Bree and I wanted to go somewhere nice for breakfast. He's like, no, I want to go to, um, Coffee Club at the train station.

Tommy: Did you get the receipt?

Harry: Shit. They're like my grandfather's axe. Don't get me started. Oh, tell me about it.

George: I think you got him started.

Tommy: Can we just do a fast five I can get it done.

Josh: What's your favourite pizza flavour?

Harry: Margherita.

Josh: If you had to live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Harry: Los Angeles.

Josh: What's your favourite actor's name?

Harry: It sounds like you watch a lot of Sky News and Tony Jones. Channing Tatum.

Josh: If you were to be an artist specific in one niche, what would you do?

Harry: Paint.

Josh: Oh my God, have you used my calendar?

Tommy: We love quirks.

Josh: I think quirks, I think we—

Harry: Harry? I just want to believe in myself and know what I'm doing is the right thing to do.

Jess: It's colourful. Quirks are colourful.

Tommy: Colourful.

Harry: So in that spot there, she replied.

Josh: What would you paint?

Harry: Uh, landscapes.

Josh: Thank you for playing Fast Five, Harry.

Tommy: He makes me happy when I see him. It makes Amy happy when she saw him. I love Harry.

Josh: I think that we've proven that internet friends are real.

George: Yeah. Who?

Harry: Peter Hitchener was a big one.

Jess: Hey, happy Harry, it's your birthday. It doesn't seem fair, you've been waiting all year for this. And then they turn around and stop you from having all your friends and relatives and neighbours and everyone else in to celebrate. Doesn't seem right. However, I know things will be back to normal soon, and in the meantime, I want you to have the best ever birthday. Oh, and thank you very much for your support of 9 News.

Harry: I miss you, Peter. I miss you.

Josh: Cheers.

Jess: All the very best.

Tommy: Happy birthday to you.

Josh: Happy birthday, happy birthday, Harry.

Harry: I'm tearing up a little. You know, I haven't had a birthday since I think it was— I was in year 3 because I was shit scared that nobody would turn up because I was that strange little kid that made jokes that nobody would understand. So thank you for this. It's, it's— that's better than all my birthdays since I've had— since my third birthday. Year 3 birthday, sorry.

Tommy: Oh my God, how old are you?

Harry: That's why you paid the big bucks. I'm turning 19.

Tommy: You're 19? Oh, you look about—

George: I love that.

Harry: How did you get— how did you get onto Hitch?

George: Just sent him an email. He loves you.

Harry: Do you remember who I was?

George: Yeah, he's a huge fan.

Harry: Does he? Because he— I did lots of work for my theatre group years ago and I made lots of short videos and I put a video on Facebook. Oh, was it on Facebook? Anyway, somehow he found me on Facebook, or I can't— honestly, I can't remember. But he— I got an email from his manager, Peter. Is that a name? Yeah, Peter. And is that it?

Josh: Yeah. How Well, because Peter— I remember we, when we were trying to get Peter on the show, I was like, ah, Peter is riding back.

Harry: And anyway, she got— he gave us a tour of the studios, and I was really shitty afterwards because like literally 2 weeks after that, they redesigned. Nine News rebranded and they got a new set. I was like, oh, I got the old set tour and now they've got a new set. But I still love him. I've loved him ever since. And I'm really happy at the moment. There's two— Australia's two best newsreaders are Joe Hall and Peter Hitchner. And at the moment, Nine have cancelled all regional TV. So I'm getting Peter Hitchner news. And so I'm happy, but I'm also not getting Joe Hall news at the same time. So I'm in a pickle with that. I don't know where I've gone with that conversation, but I've gone somewhere.

Tommy: Have they cancelled all the local news? Anchor.

Harry: Yes. So, so I think what Nine are doing, they've got rid of their regional broadcast, which they make for Southern Cross Austereo, who broadcast Channel Nine in regional areas, and they'll put those crews, I believe, into their 9 PM bulletin, which is a coronavirus special bulletin. I believe there's a lot of rumours going around about where those crews actually are, but I'm not sure.

Tommy: Where are the rumours and who's spreading them?

Harry: I'm all over the forums. It's, it's— I love my TV forums. Forums. Actually, I met a friend of yours on a forum the other day, Josh.

Josh: Oh, here we go.

Tommy: This never starts. This is not a good, not a good start to a story.

Harry: Aha. Do you know Aha?

Josh: Oh yeah, Aaron. It's a weird spelling. It's a weird spelling.

George: Yeah.

Josh: What's it, what's it?

Harry: Ahaan's name? Oh, sorry, Ahaan. Sorry, Aaron.

Mason: Sorry.

Josh: Oh no, what's Aaron's saying? We all know Aaron.

Harry: Um, well, just, I asked him for a studio tour because there's a whole forum dedicated to Ticker, which is a new, um, a new news service based in Richmond. And, uh, TV Black Box has a show on there. Uh, Benjamin, brother, it's going to be big.

Josh: Great. Your internet's slightly average, but that's, that's okay, Happy. Uh, what's been the highlight?

Harry: And to think And to think this is NBN at its finest in regional New South Wales.

Josh: What has been, if you look back at the past year, Happy, what's been some of, some of your highlights?

Harry: Meeting you guys, really, I really mean that. Um, and meeting you guys again and meeting Bree, that was another good time, and directing my own show. And yeah. Yeah, they're all the highlights. Finishing Year 12, that was a highlight.

Josh: Yeah.

Harry: Oh, that was— thank God that was over. I couldn't— I couldn't do Year 12 again.

Tommy: Moving to Melbourne, Harry, that was good.

Harry: Yeah. Oh, I love Melbourne. I miss it. I'm having withdrawals. Um, what is it, separation anxiety? I've got separation anxiety from Melbourne.

Josh: I actually just sent out— I sent out the VIP Gronkh stuff um, today, and I sent it to your RMIT, to your, um, Melbourne address. Are you going to be able to get that?

Harry: Oh, the stickers?

Josh: Yeah.

Harry: Oh, I've, I've got stickers. I, I don't need stickers anytime soon. I've got enough.

Mason: Can you sign up the lovely message you wrote Josh?

Josh: Yeah, I sent him.

Harry: Oh, did you write a lovely message?

Josh: Yeah, I did, for everyone.

Tommy: Do you want to just tell him the message now, Josh? Yeah, because he never gets it.

Josh: Okay, I literally can't remember the message, but it was lovely, Harry.

Harry: You know what I've still got on my bookshelf? I've got amongst all my Channel 9 merchandise, I've got Channel 9 lanyard and— oh, this is gonna— if Seven offer me a job, they're gonna listen to this and go, oh, we don't want him anymore. But, um, I've got like all my Channel 9 stuff, my Channel 9 visitor badge and stuff, and then right in the middle I've got the letter you, Tommy, and Josh wrote to me with when I got me hoodie, and it's sitting right there in the middle. Oh, that's nice.

Tommy: So I look up— I wonder whose handwriting it was. I wonder, do you reckon it was my handwriting?

Harry: Yeah, look, it gives me serious— yeah, all capitals, Tommy's writing.

Josh: Oh no, I do that.

Harry: Oh really?

Josh: That too, TJ?

Tommy: Well, I go in and out.

Harry: I get Tommy vibes from it.

Josh: Oh really? Is that good or bad?

Harry: Because it's all squished in like a— I want to put as much there as I can, so I'll just squish it all onto this little postcard.

Josh: Yeah, that was probably me, to be honest.

Harry: Oh really?

Tommy: Sounds like Josh because he's probably written more. I go for less is more, or I just can't be fucked. I just like, thanks for listening.

Josh: I was getting real sloppy in the, like, today because I hadn't been writing much. It's pretty disgusting. But then I did think, because I'm being signing off Josh and Tommy, people won't know that it's me writing it. So I sort of, I take comfort in that.

Mason: So now you've signed off Josh.

Josh: No, no, no, it's still— it says Josh and Tommy, but people just don't know whether it was me or Tommy.

Mason: Oh, oh, see, do you remember when— messy— do you remember what options it could be? Okay, yeah.

Tommy: Mason, do you remember when you were signing off cards as us and that you were writing? Absolute forgery, son. Don't do that again.

Mason: I even got some— I think I spelled someone's name wrong as well, which—

Tommy: yeah, we took the fall for that.

Harry: Yeah, yeah. My theatre mum applied for a youth arts grant to put my name on it, so now I've got to be careful what signature I do. Worst mistake ever.

Josh: And what have you— what's, um, what's been life like at the farm? Are you actually going outside, or is your hay fever getting set off?

Harry: Hay fever's going through the roof. I went for a drive the other night, first time out of the house in 2 weeks. Uh, I'm— I almost said I love farm life. I do love farm life. But not as much as city life. Farm life is shit. Uh, I love it. I've got a love-hate relationship with farm life. How's that? It's, um, you know, you get shit on your shoes, like literal shit on your shoes. You get blisters, you get walking through cat heads, all sorts of stuff.

Tommy: What's that?

Harry: Cat heads? It's like a burr. Do you know what a burr is?

Tommy: No.

Josh: What's a burr?

Tommy: Annoying things that get caught in your socks.

Harry: Yeah, it's like a prickle.

Josh: Does Australia have— do we have ticks in Australia?

Harry: Yeah, that dogs get them, don't they?

Josh: Yeah, so humans get them, like Lyme disease and shit. That's east coast of the US, right? But we don't have Lyme disease.

Tommy: I don't, I don't think, like, like the states do. People get it and bring it back. Absolute rats. Now it's a bit unfortunate, ticks, you can't really see them. It's a bit like coronavirus, you don't know if you've got it or not.

Harry: The streets are empty here because of coronavirus, and I'll tell you what, the town's turned The town's turned into a shithole. It's like I nearly wrote a letter to the editor the other day because it's just the streets are so barren. It's like council aren't even cutting the grass anymore.

Josh: Oh really? Wow.

Harry: It is, it is. We are the— our town is the happiest place on the Murray. We've even got a bumper sticker that says that, and they're not cutting the grass.

Josh: It's not— maybe that's why they're happy. Cutting grass is a bit overrated, I reckon. Do you have to—

Harry: if you've got a Murray, if you want a cat head Do you have to, um, do you have to mow the lawn on the farm? I don't, no.

Josh: Does your dad, like, do you guys have a big industrial mower?

Harry: Yeah, we've got a ride-on mower.

George: Right, all right.

Harry: Yeah, Dad does that because he's always wanted me to do it, but my excuse has been because I'm clinically diagnosed with OCD, I just said I can't do it because of my OCD, and then Mum supports me in that decision. Greg, just do it. Harry's never going to do it. Stop trying. Because it's like, I don't like the thought of running over dog shit. And then it being thrown out the side and splattering everything.

Josh: It's disgusting.

Harry: It just, yeah, it doesn't sit well.

Tommy: I think you'd like it, Josh. It's quite cathartic. Mum and Dad had a farm, Harry, but it was, you know, not like you guys have. I think you got a lot of, a lot more acres. But, um, like the next door neighbours had cows, and the next door neighbour would put the cows into Mum and Dad's place. But then you can— it's like borrowing your mate's dog or looking after a kid. It's not yours. You get all the good bits And then you throw them back to the owner.

Josh: Well, I was actually more expensive than the guy who mowed the lawn. I was about $10 more. But the reason I charged my parents more was because I was mowing it by hand rather than ride-on.

Harry: With scissors?

Josh: Just like a—

Mason: Just with a push mower.

Josh: Just a push mower. But they saw it as an investment because I would be out of their hair for, you know, an hour.

Tommy: I appreciate that, but we—

Harry: And then you go and scrape the calluses off your mum's foot once you've done that.

Josh: You remember that?

Harry: I remember lots of things.

Tommy: You actually did that, Josh?

Josh: Yeah, no, we spoke about it.

Mason: We covered it.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, we covered it.

George: Yeah.

Josh: Oh, um, Happy, you were talking, um, the ASMR stuff. You enjoyed the ASMR?

Harry: I loved it. I would love it. I'll pay to receive 97 doing ASMR. I'll tell you what, it did something to me. I loved it.

Josh: It did something to me.

George: What do you do?

Harry: Like, no, it just made me feel good. It's like quite relaxing. It's therapeutic. It's really nice.

Josh: Would you do some ASMR live, um, for Harry?

Harry: Please do.

Mason: Uh, okay.

Tommy: Oh, can you, can, can, yeah, can you do happy birthday?

Josh: Oh yeah, that's beautiful. Happy birthday. Here we go.

Mason: Okay, so hey, okay. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.

Tommy: It's so creepy.

Mason: Happy birthday, dear Harry, happy birthday to you.

Harry: Um, are you gonna do the hippie?

Tommy: It's so pretty, it's so pretty. Like, even just like the, the sort of like, um in his breath, like where it sort of like sort of goes in and out. It's, yeah, it's, it's really fun.

Mason: It's so weird.

Tommy: I'm not a fan of ASMR at all. It's weird.

Harry: I like it. It gets people goosebumps.

Tommy: I think people are fired up over it or they love it.

Josh: Rory wants to hear your story. Sorry, I interrupted before, TJ. You're about the mower.

Tommy: I was just saying that I'd spend hours out on the mower riding around, and it's like you get your line and you follow it. I think that's why you'd like it, Josh, because you'd you see progress and you can track the tyre along the line as you go around. And it's really like, I don't know, do you like shaving?

Josh: Well, yeah, I mean, no, shaving.

Tommy: Do you like seeing it go or do you like—

Josh: It's slightly annoying. It's that satisfying.

Tommy: Do you like vacuuming?

Mason: It's like water blasting when you pressure, like pressure water something and you can see like the real clean ground.

Josh: It'd be fun with a drone, putting a drone up high so you can really see the lines. That would be good fun.

Harry: Oh, I'll do that. That's a great idea.

Josh: Yeah, you could mow something into the lawn.

Harry: Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

Tommy: Can you do the initials of the show, T-D-T-S, into the—

Harry: Yeah, I will. I'll wait for the lawn to get real long, and then just for you, I'll use the ride-on. I'll splatter dog shit everywhere just for you.

Josh: Do you think that you could even— I could imagine a news storey rather than writing to the editor. What if you were to actually go into the centre of town and mow the lawns.

Harry: That would be so good.

Josh: Yeah, I think that'd be funny. Get some photos. Don't you think they'd write about it in the paper?

Harry: Oh, yeah. Well, the papers— Theatre Mum writes a lot of articles for the paper. There's about 3 people who write articles for the paper, and I reckon if it wasn't for them, the paper would fold.

Josh: Really? Is it a volunteer role or are they getting, they're getting paid?

Tommy: It's—

Harry: I don't think they write articles. They rely on people to submit articles. Okay, I think that's how it works. Once they did a piece on me—

Josh: TJ wants to know how much, do you reckon?

Harry: I'm not sure how much it costs, but once they did a piece on me on my last day of year 6 and spoke about it, and actually, actually, I should find it. I think I said my dream job would be to work at Channel 9. See, my life's been around Channel 9, George. We're talking about this the other day for years.

Tommy: Let's talk about the future, mate. What's going on? What's, what's going to happen with the TV networks after the coronavirus?

Harry: This is shocking content, TV talk, because nobody really gives a shit.

Josh: People love it.

Tommy: It's about you. It's your day. It's your special day, Harry.

Josh: Yeah, what do you want to do?

Harry: It's mine. They all need to struggle through it. You're not allowed to click away while I talk about TV, okay? Girls, so, um, there's, there's a few rumours that Southern Cross Austereo might end their contract with the Nine Network over— once again, it's rumors, it's speculation, um, over the regional news, uh, broadcasts. Because I believe the contract says Nine get 50% of the profits if they produce regional news bulletins. So answered no to a poll the other day that said Channel 7, we're going to go into compulsory, or whatever the word is, acquisition or something, voluntary, whatever that would— whatever happened to 10. Um, there was— there's that rumour going around because I believe— look, I don't want to talk about Seven's bookkeeping. I'm not— I don't know what state they're in, but apparently it's not the best. It's apparently— it's not the best. Um, people just have that when they bought 7. They're like, how can they afford that? Yeah, yeah, I missed that.

Josh: Sorry, no, it's just a bit of shoebox here. Um, TikTok, what's the latest on TikTok? Have you been doing TikToks? Have you got any that you think, uh, George serves or teaches?

Harry: You're stealing my thunder. Um, I haven't been on there lately. What could George do? I reckon George can make a real upper-class, high-quality TikTok with— what about that naked one where you walk into your friend's room and they're like, react. So get Hannah to like sit there playing a video game, then you just walk in like, like this. What about that?

Josh: Would you do it, uh, George, for Harry for his birthday?

Harry: For my birthday, mate, I did ASMR. I'll do it for Harry. So you'll put it on his account?

George: What's that?

Josh: So you'll put it on the Daily Talk Show TikTok account? Oh God, yeah, you don't have to put it on your own.

Tommy: What would Hannah's reaction be?

Harry: Create more content.

George: Um, what would her reaction be? I mean, well, wait, she never plays video games, so to set her up in the room with a video game might be a bit sus to start with.

Tommy: Uh, no, she doesn't—

Josh: would she be on her phone? You're getting bogged down in the detail. She doesn't have to be playing a video game.

George: Frontal view or back view?

Josh: I mean, what, she's never seen you dick before? Is that what's wrong?

Tommy: Would she think it's weird and out of character for you, George, or not?

George: Yeah, she would.

Tommy: I think that's then the reaction, because I'm— I think I wouldn't get the reaction I want from Amy because I'm, you know, I don't mind walking around the nude. Bodhi and I are always walking around with our tackle out.

Harry: I don't want to think about that.

Tommy: You don't? George, on the other hand, my son's tackle.

Harry: George, on the other hand, the car is small.

George: Um, so no, I probably won't do it.

Tommy: Okay, well, Sevs hasn't done his, um, Tulsi slide yet. Ah, the easiest one on earth. Yeah, easy, Sevs. Um, are you gonna do it or no? Is this Is this the— mate, I know you're over the bottle shop, you're over a lot of things, you're over getting your license, but we worked out the headfuck that's become for you. There's a bunch of things that you're over. Doesn't mean that it's good that you're over them.

Josh: Do you have any— yeah, any updates for us, Seb?

Mason: Come on, with any of those things.

Josh: Yeah, or even the airport. Have you thought about it?

Harry: It's only been 2 hours since the last show.

Mason: The airport. Um, I mean, I'm gonna be there. I don't know how I'm gonna— I'll figure it out how I'm gonna get there. It'll happen.

Tommy: Do we need to sign up Josh for cab charges? And so our employees—

Josh: I said that I can drop Sev's— Bri and I can drop, uh, Sev's off. Bri and I can drop him off and then he can get an Uber back.

Harry: But then there is sort of that, um, I had to tell him, Bri, that would cost an arm and a leg. Arm and a leg to get an Uber from Tallamarine.

Tommy: I think we need to write it off business expense, as I did today. Company card, company card. I get the company card and get in the— get in a cab or an Uber. My Uber's attached to the company. I don't use the Uber outside for work, so I can just send one to your place, Sev's, round trip to the airport. Um, I went and tried the coffee Uh, yeah, the Macca's Army and coffee. Yep, yep. I mean, when you left, Josh, I said it was absolute shit. And, uh, everyone—

Josh: do you really believe it's shit?

Tommy: No, no, no, I, I was joking, I was joking. I was saying I just couldn't say it because Josh was there. DJ Precious wouldn't have gone down well with it. But no, it was actually great. I actually enjoyed it. I'd prefer it if it wasn't almond milk, but they did a good coffee. I was very surprised. But still, $4.70 I paid. Harry, what do you think about that? $4.70 for a coffee.

Harry: Gotta go to Easy Mart. I get my coffee when I'm in the city from Easy Mart. It's better than Macca's. Any coffee is better than Macca's, um, and it's better than Aldi. Uh, not Aldi.

Josh: What do you mean?

Harry: 7-Eleven coffee. But, um, yeah, do you have an Aldi?

Josh: Like, where do you go to, to shop?

Harry: Out we go to RGA. We've got a local RGA, and my sister works there actually. Actually, she told me I couldn't mention this on the show, but I am going to because I said, I've got— what are you going to talk about?

Mason: And I said, you—

Harry: she goes, what are you going to talk about? And I go, oh, I don't know, but my auntie, us lodges, we are all— every one of us is just like a duplicate of me. Like, we're all shit stirrers, we all giggle.

Josh: Why are they duplicate of you? Wouldn't they— wouldn't the oldest person be a duplicate of them?

Mason: You're a duplicate of— Yeah.

Harry: Oh, that's a good point.

Josh: No, that's fine.

Harry: Didn't think of that. But anyway, back to my story. My auntie walks in. My auntie walks in and goes, Ella, I'll have 1 kilo of donkey dick. Across the supermarket. Because donkey dick is just like straz meat because it looks like a donkey's dick.

Josh: Oh, really? I've never heard anyone call it donkey dick before.

Harry: Yeah, I hadn't either until Ella came and told me.

Josh: Um, just, just very quickly, who has been known to do Uber is saying, I'd be happy to volunteer my time as Uber Russ. I mean, yeah, how do we— does it mean you have to— yeah, what's, what's the deal? What's the deal of— what do you think about that? That's a pretty, um, generous offer from—

Mason: it is a pretty nice offer, isn't it?

Harry: Could you get a hammer?

Josh: Look, yeah, a Hummer.

Mason: Yeah, I think we're overbaking the whole thing, to be honest.

Harry: So, you know, you've got to be prepared. You've got to be prepared.

Josh: You don't want to get—

Mason: right, why can't I just get a round-trip Uber myself? What's wrong with that?

Josh: Yeah, you could. Is that what you're committing to?

Mason: I can do that.

Tommy: Okay, that's what you're doing? Can we get a confirmation?

Mason: Yeah, I'll do that.

Josh: Okay.

Tommy: That's UberX or UberPool, like maybe UberPool there, and then it'd take you 4 hours to get to the coast.

Mason: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Tullamarine would be 4 hours on an UberPool.

Harry: Jeez, could you get an UberJump and pedal?

Josh: Oh yeah, that's a good idea.

Harry: Get on the bike, actually put a basket on the front with a bit of flowers. I'll pay for the flowers.

Josh: Oh, the flowers is a great idea. That's cute.

Harry: Pedaling along the Tullamarine Freeway. Oh, that'll be so good.

Josh: Yeah, you could vlog the whole thing. You could be like the modern content creator, you know.

Tommy: He won't do a TikTok, 10-second TikTok. He's not vlogging.

Josh: Russ is happy to pick you up, Mason, and take you to the airport. That's very generous, Russ. That's quite nice.

Tommy: You guys can sit in the back and film it. Russ, we know you'll film it.

Mason: Yeah, look, that's a little bit full-on, but I did think it'd be nice to film it.

Tommy: Oh yeah, it would be, would be.

Josh: How do you want to film?

Mason: Yeah, do you want a C200, 70-200? Which is—

Josh: I have to be— but I won't be able to be in the car.

Harry: I'll come with the Phantom and I'll fly the Phantom around you.

Mason: No, I just thought, I just thought it'd be nice to have like a yeah, I don't know, a video of, of, of meeting Grace.

Josh: Are you trying to create sort of that like, uh, I don't want to do content sort of vibe?

Harry: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: Is that what you—

Mason: yeah, no, I just thought it'd be nice.

Tommy: Have you seen a video of me? I flew out, I flew up to Sydney and I surprised Amy. She had no idea that I was coming up on a Friday arvo, and I, and I, I told her that I was staying in Shepparton for the weekend. But then I'd organised with a housemate. I knew he was going to be home, and so I flew up. I should post that video, Josh, on our Facebook page.

Josh: Was this thing the proposal video?

Tommy: No, no, no, this is, this is, what was the video called? Love Lockdown.

Mason: You had to bring up, do you have to bring up a suit or something? A suit or maybe Amy's dress?

Tommy: No, that was the engagement. But I flew up there. It'd be like you just getting on a plane and rocking up at Grace's work.

Harry: Don't go to WA, Seb. Do not go to WA.

Josh: What?

Harry: Have you been to WA? No, but I know there's lots of asbestos.

Josh: Margaret River's a beautiful area. No, I love WA. I think it's quite nice.

Tommy: Hang on, wait. Let's find out. Confirm this asbestos. What's this mean? Perth asbestos?

Harry: Because that's where all the mines are. Asbestos mines.

George: Well, were.

Tommy: Not anymore.

Mason: Oh, Harry.

Tommy: You're right, Harry. Where is the, um, There is a spot. You knew where the town— I know it.

Mason: The news building is, Harry, in Perth.

Harry: Oh yes, St. George's Terrace is the Channel 9 building up in Perth. Top of the terrace, as they advertise it. It's got a big billboard up the top, and you can look through the windows and watch them record the bulletin.

Mason: Really?

Harry: I would go and do that, but again, too much asbestos. I have considered it.

Tommy: Oh yeah, here we go. Asbestos products were used extensively in Western Australia, most commonly as flat or corrugated asbestos cement sheeting in buildings. Yeah, but there is that town that they've— I watched that. Have you watched that too? It's this whole—

Mason: yeah, I have.

Harry: I've seen it.

Tommy: It's almost like a— oh, hang on, I've got a— I think I've got a parcel here.

Josh: Oh, this is exciting. What are you getting?

Mason: Oh, here we go.

Josh: Oh, this is, this is live on the show right now.

Mason: Oh, here we go.

Tommy: Sorry guys.

Josh: What do you think? What parcel would it have been?

Harry: Was it a shell team getting a ball pump?

Tommy: No, it was the next door neighbour in high vis. So no, no, but I'm waiting for my Quad Lock.

Josh: Oh, that's right. Grace says, excuse me, Harry, WA is beautiful. I'm offended.

Harry: Yes, I'm not saying it's not beautiful, it's just that the buildings aren't safe.

Mason: Shannon also says she goes to WA every year, Harry, and it's also beautiful.

George: So.

Harry: Okay, okay, I might go.

Tommy: And they have the quokkas on that island, Rottnest Island, is it?

Mason: Oh yeah, Rottnest Island.

Harry: Yeah, yeah, but that's where they've got all the coronavirus people at the moment. They'll put them all on there, do they? I believe so, that's what they said the other night.

Josh: Yeah, our accountant's joining us today, Jase, um, in the comments. This is our countdown.

George: Can I just say that the text line's going off, mate.

Harry: The books are going to go out the window in a minute. They're trying to get Seven a lift to the airport, mate. Can you have a look at Seven's books while you're at it too, please?

Josh: Text line's going off. What's happening?

George: Yeah, Mum's been texting me. She's telling me I can't do the TikTok.

Josh: Why not?

George: She just won't let me. And also that she loves Harry.

Harry: Oh, I love you too. I love you.

George: And that you can get Lyme disease in Australia.

Josh: Oh, really? You can? That's fun. Where can you get it? Where's sort of the hotspots?

George: I don't know.

Mason: Really?

George: WA probably.

Josh: Can you— can Kaz get into the, into the, uh, into the chat? I'd love for her to be in the live chat.

Tommy: I've got— okay, I've got some info. Um, Lyme disease in Australia. There is currently no evidence that locally acquired Lyme disease occurs in Australia. The bacteria that causes Lyme disease has so far not been found in Australian ticks. So you could— so it's either getting a tick from somebody from the US or the UK.

Josh: It's full-on. Tim Ferriss reckons he had Lyme disease. It's quite hard to work out because it's like, it also, I guess, lines up pretty well with just being a bit depressed, like lethargic and all that sort of things.

George: Yeah.

Tommy: Justin Bieber had Lyme disease.

Josh: Oh, that's right.

Tommy: Yeah, just recently. Yeah, in his doco he talked about it. And it's like, how do you get rid of these little ticks? Jesus.

Harry: It's pretty scary. Can't you see them? Don't you just pull them out?

Josh: No, they're not that big. They're like, they're tiny little fuckers and they And like when you're walking, I think you're like, you're meant to wear pants rather than shorts.

Harry: I always picture them like an acorn hanging off the side of your neck and you just grab it and twist and pull it off.

Josh: No, they're tiny.

Tommy: Nah.

Mason: Nah.

Tommy: Have you ever been— What have you been bitten by? Yeah, dogs get them. You can pull them off dogs. They're disgusting.

Josh: Are you just going to ask Harry if he's been bitten by something before?

Tommy: Have you been bitten on the farm? I mean, you're close to the snake.

Harry: I don't go outside, Tommy.

Tommy: Has anyone in your family been bitten by a snake?

Harry: Um, dog has, and Mum ran over the same dog almost. That dog had about 86 lives, I reckon. Good old Ned, he's, he's copped it. Um, no, my sister got attacked by a duck. Um, other than that, nothing more eventful. Yeah, I used to breed ducks. Uh, it was an Indian Runner, so if you— I don't know the dimensions of an Indian Runner, but if you Google it, it should tell you. And because we had like 29 Indian runners at some point, Indian runner Muscovy, and my sister was a baby and she's getting out of the car running to it and the duck like was sitting on her and like full-on pecking at her face. And me and Mum, I remember it like it was yesterday, were hiding behind the gate, like hiding behind like the fence. And Dad kicked the duck off our— If RSPCA was there, he would have got locked up. But, and I don't endorse kicking ducks. I, I, I was heartbroken that poor Peck got her— got injured. But, um, it was for Ella's well-being, I suppose, because she— it could have plucked her eyes out.

Tommy: Jeez.

Mason: Yeah, I've just searched them up. They're between 50 and 76 centimetres and up to 2.3 kg, so That's, that's huge.

Tommy: They're cute ducks. I tell you what, swans— fuck swans, man. When they're, when they're mating and they're— it's season for their little, their little babies, dude. Um, in Shepparton, there was around the park, it was the funniest thing to do, play frisbee and watch people walk past and just get charged by these swans. They put their neck down, they look like a fucking torpedo coming at you. Just this big long neck. It was horrible. But yeah, you definitely— I understand your dad kicking one.

Josh: It's—

Tommy: you'd do it if it was latched onto your child. Definitely a little boot.

Josh: Yeah, I think that's completely fine. It's farm life.

Tommy: You got to save the superior species.

Josh: On the ticks, Grace says that she had to study it last year, and she says that what Tommy said, it's caused by one bacteria. You can't get it in Australia.

George: I think Mum just meant there are people in Australia with it.

Tommy: Yeah, definitely.

Josh: Did your Mum write that? Did she clarify that? Or are you just defending her based on—

Harry: Is it just off Wikipedia?

George: She texted me saying, I don't know how to get it, how you get it.

Tommy: We've had a live encounter. Jason's missus nearly got attacked by a duck this morning while out on a run. So some big stuff happening in the Gronk Squad, you know.

Harry: It's real dangerous.

Mason: I mean, Casey Casey's saying that, Harry, you gotta kill all the ducks or they'll reproduce.

Harry: I mean, they breed like rabbits, ducks. They breed like rabbits because it takes one duck can have a shit tonne of eggs.

Josh: So how it works?

Harry: Yeah, really?

Josh: Um, no, with the ducks, no, I haven't learned that. The yellow— how do you get yellow ducks?

Tommy: Different species, Josh.

Josh: But could you, could you breed yellow ducks on the farm? I guess you could.

Harry: They're, they're yellow when they're chicks.

Josh: Okay.

Harry: Because we used to keep them in like Tupperware containers, like, and they used to sit in the laundry so the other ducks didn't attack them. I went on strike once when the, the fox got into our duck pen. I went, oh no, I'm not having it. And I locked myself in my bedroom.

Josh: What happened to the ducks?

Harry: The fox got into the duck pen and ate them. And then for like 3 weeks, because we live on the river, we would open up the gate and they'll all shuffle out of the pen and go down the river. We didn't— the ducks went on like a 6-week hiatus after that. They didn't come back. Like they had witnessed this duck attack and then they didn't come back.

Tommy: Mate, I'd be added.

Harry: So, I just not having that and locked myself in my bedroom.

Josh: Casey was referring to the ticks. Not the ducks.

Jess: Not the ducks.

Josh: That's very funny. This is what happens. This is the problem with the chat. It all gets, um, mixed around, and then before you know it, people are talking about killing ducks. Killing ducks and arse eating.

Tommy: Harry, just to, just to finish it up, what, um, what are you having for dinner? You having a, a nice, uh, birthday dinner or nothing? Or is this as good as it's going to get?

Harry: This is as good as it's going to get. Like I said before, I'm not a big birthdays person. I haven't even checked Facebook to see how many messages I've gotten. I assume I would have got heaps, but I haven't looked.

George: No one does that anymore.

Tommy: Yeah, it's different times. Different times. Used to get a lot of messages. I mean, that was just when more people were on Facebook, maybe.

Josh: Lyndon wants to know about a follow-up to Harry's and 97's catchcry from Friday Night Drinks. Who wants to address that?

Harry: Um, 7.

Mason: You want me?

Harry: Okay, kids in the car first. Kids in the car.

Mason: Oh, it's okay. I mean, Harry, Harry, Harry and I have a running joke because Harry sent me someone's Instagram storey and—

Harry: no, it goes before that. George's Uber driver.

Mason: Oh yeah, George's Uber driver.

Tommy: Are you sure?

Harry: Yes.

Mason: Well, I— the first, the first thing I remember, the first time you said it Yes. Ah, okay. Well, I got an Instagram storey from Harry. This is what I remember. I got an Instagram storey from Harry.

Josh: Can we say what the Instagram storey was, Harry?

Mason: No.

Josh: Okay, okay.

Harry: Because he might listen. Uh, no, he was just—

Mason: it was a bloke. There was a bloke in the Instagram story.

Jess: Okay.

Harry: Yeah.

Mason: And Harry's running joke was, I'd wank to that. That was his caption to the Instagram story. And so now it's just like a running thing of whenever Harry sends me something or whatever, the—

Harry: and I approve of it.

Mason: Yeah. And, um, the cap— the captions always are wank to that. So Jesus, that's, uh, that's that.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And so it looks like—

Tommy: oh, Josh, our accountant's off the— our accountant stopped watching.

Josh: Jase is here for it. Fucking loves it. Um, so are we— I mean, not our HR.

Tommy: Um, yeah, he has morals, mate.

Mason: Yeah, I was like, what, what happened with— did George have a hot Uber driver?

George: Yeah, I showed a photo of my Uber driver and he said that.

Harry: Yeah, maybe I said like, yeah, maybe, and then he said it.

Josh: What did he say?

George: Um, he said his catchphrase.

Josh: I just wanted to get it so we could turn it into a soundboard for my 20th.

George: The other night, yeah, the other night, uh, Harry said it again, not realising that Denise was in the—

Harry: yeah, yeah, Mr. 97's mum. And I, I actually, I was talking to Gemma, I said I had, I had to go and listen back to the Friday night drinks episode because I'm never too sure what I say because like one glass of wine I have so many effects because of my medication and I'm like, I better listen back to it. And then I saw Denise's face and—

Josh: Are you blaming your OCD again? Oh, it's my OCD. Just any wank jokes, it's my OCD. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mason: So what was Denise's— what was my mum's face?

Harry: Well, it took her a while to laugh, and then once I mentioned 97's name, she giggled. But I didn't— I don't think she liked me to begin with. I just didn't think— I think I felt like— I felt like she was judging me.

Josh: Well, you did say you yelled, 'I'd wank to that.' What, what was the reason? Were you wanting just a big sort of, 'Yeah, boy!' Just from service?

George: That one was for you, 97. 7. It wasn't just a random thing.

Harry: How did we get to this?

Josh: How did we get to it again? Well, we had to— Lyndon brought it up because it's been impacting him all week.

Mason: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: It's funny. It's a funny bit, and you feel— and you— and part of it, the reason why I like it, is because you feel comfortable to make those jokes, and you said that. And so I think it's— I think it's great that you, you lean into it.

Tommy: No, we love you, Harry. Don't stop being you, mate. Happy birthday, mate.

Josh: Happy birthday.

Tommy: We're going to put that video up on our, um, Instagram and, uh, and which one?

Josh: Wank to that one?

Tommy: Or no, no, happy birthday one. And we'll get people to send through some happy birthdays as well.

Josh: Not anymore, you literally deconstructed the whole thing.

Harry: Bloody Lyndon shared it to the wide world.

Mason: Yeah, it's so annoying.

Tommy: Your words, mate, your words.

Josh: It's a daily talk show.

Harry: I should trademark it.

Mason: Yeah, that's a good idea.

Josh: Do you want to be that guy? How do you feel about being that guy?

Harry: I wonder if it's already taken.

Mason: That's crazy. Harry's Odd Wanker.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I could admit.

Tommy: Harry, you're just gonna know there's a lot of wankers in the world, so you might be up against—

Harry: Yeah, I know, I know a lot of them. I've come across a lot of them in my time, and I'll worked for a few of them too, and you just got to push through. You just got to put up with them and just keep going. Put up with them. That's my advice for the day. Just put up with the wankers and keep working hard.

Tommy: If you can't, you know, if you can't beat them, join them. Wank them.

Harry: Can I also just say I wouldn't join them.

Josh: Can I just say I appreciate, um, uh, George's pushback to smut. Is he going to be our smut filter? Because No, I wouldn't say the catch cry. Would you say, George?

Mason: I think he's worried about a soundboard. He's so worried about a soundboard.

Josh: But he wouldn't even go naked for Hannah. He's pushing back on that too. There's a lot of smartness.

George: That'd go on TikTok.

Mason: That's an absolute— I wouldn't do that either.

Josh: But you don't see, you're not showing.

Mason: You wouldn't do that, would you?

Josh: You know that you don't actually see your naked arm.

Harry: None of them even are. It's just a joke.

Josh: So what happens is you film just Hannah and you walk in and you're naked holding the phone, but the camera can't see you. All they're seeing is Hannah's reaction.

George: What are the normal reactions?

Josh: Are they like surprised? Oh damn, geez, my lips are chapped, aren't they? A little bit. Need that ChapStick, Seb.

Tommy: Have you had water today at all, Josh?

Josh: I haven't had any water, to be honest. I've had like, I've had half a bottle of this. It's a bit of a nightmare. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go take some photos outside now.

Harry: I just can't believe you got a video from Hitch.

Josh: Yeah, he's so nice.

Tommy: How about this? How about this? Um, let's put it up now online, but also after this, if you're watching on the live, maybe we'll replay the video. For the people watching.

Josh: Oh yeah, we can do that. And Harry. Okay.

George: I told Hitch we'd send him a copy too.

Josh: Oh great.

Harry: Does he remember me? Like, surely he's just, oh, that weird kid that came in for a tour and got excited when he saw—

Tommy: No, no, no, he said all of that, but he still loves you.

Josh: Yeah, exactly. And he knows about your cat's cry. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: And he's here for it.

George: He's been in the chat, in the YouTube chat.

Josh: All right, here we go. We'll watch it again. It's a Daily Talk Show. If you want to send us an email, hi@thedailytalkshow.com. When is your birthday? If you've got a birthday coming up in the next few weeks, uh, send us an email so we, so we get on making a video. George, beg your pardon?

George: Only Harry. Well, can I just say that to start this video, I was like getting all the bits. Harry, you've been mentioned in, I reckon, like 50 episodes.

Harry: Have I?

George: At least. At least. So really, that's a lot of episodes.

Josh: Casey says, why is that?

Harry: How many has Gem be mentioned in?

Josh: Well, let's not make it a competition, please.

Harry: Yeah, yeah, we've got a competition going.

Josh: Okay, all right, babe. Nasty. Okay, are you twitching? What are you doing? You just— were you just winking?

Harry: No, I'm winking. Winking to Gem.

Mason: Twitching.

Tommy: All right guys, we'll see you tomorrow.

Josh: Okay, it's a daily talk show. See you tomorrow.