Alcohol Trends, Admin, & Hiking With Alex Ward

Alex: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's the Daily Talk Show. Oops. Episode 600. That has got to be one of the worst intros. Alex Ward joins us. You put me off.

Alex: Did I?

Josh: I think I saw you.

Tommy: No, she saved you, mate.

Alex: I startled you.

Tommy: Well, she saved you by clapping.

Josh: There was a flicker in the light which got me. Did anyone else notice that? Yeah, sometimes the aircon sets off the light. It's a nightmare.

Tommy: Yeah, it's all happening here. I mean, I'm freezing. How are you, Alex?

Alex: I'm perfect. Yeah.

Josh: Yeah. No, I'm hot.

Tommy: There's a thing about the gronk that comes to the office who walks to the office is hot. It's like whenever you've been for a walk, you're really hot. And so you get in, you're like, oh, it's so hot in here.

Alex: Yeah. But do you normally—

Tommy: No, it's not.

Alex: Do you normally just have on like 40-year-old men? Well, with children sweating everywhere.

Josh: I was Googling when I have menopause because I've got something. I've been— I've got hot flashes the whole time.

Alex: Have me back on the show in 30 years. I'll be sweating so much.

Tommy: That is a sucky thing that women have to go through menopause.

Alex: Oh, they have the worst lives. They're just— it's like awful every month, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, now it's going to be bad all the time for 2 years.

Tommy: Is there a point on the other side? Like, I know my mum has been through menopause, and so she's no longer complaining.

Alex: There's a beard on the other side.

Josh: Is that a wise wizard? Maybe it's— you're just still describing me. I literally— some— I think I saw like Mamma Mia or something said, oh, you know, Someone was talking, they said, I've got the M, you know, the M word to look forward to. I spent like 10 minutes trying to fucking work out what the M word was. I went through every other word until I finally got there.

Tommy: Is it one of the things you— it's like for me, my son going to primary school, I don't want to think about it until I have to start enrolling him in places.

Alex: Is that because you don't want him to grow up?

Tommy: No, it's because I want him to be dumb. That too.

Josh: But genetics will do that.

Tommy: 3:30 PM, he finishes school. There's all this other stuff. Stuff, you know.

Alex: Yeah, yeah, organising and—

Tommy: yeah. So there's a lot I have to think about. Is menopause the same thing? You just don't think about it until—

Alex: oh, you don't think about it until it happens. Well, I always had this theory, it's like a chicken or an egg thing when you look at a woman that age. Which came first, the funky specs or the menopause? I love trying to figure it out. I was— I think it's the specs. Yeah, they like look in the mirror, they're like, well, we don't need this anymore.

Tommy: There's one other one, um, uh, school teachers that have bad perfumes. Do you remember like Primary school, did you have—

Josh: there was always one good ones.

Alex: You know why? Because they didn't get paid well. But the kids were just like, you stink, man.

Tommy: I just remember some really musky ones and I was like, I'm— I've got no sense of what's good, I'm 7. Yeah, but I know what smells bad and that smells bad, whatever you're wearing.

Alex: You know how when you're a kid anyone older than you seems way older? You know, like, it's like, it's still crazy that like they were probably 60 but they smelled exactly 60.

Tommy: Yeah, well, great, like prep, how old were grade sixes. Like, that seems— I mean, they were 12.

Josh: Yeah, but you also went to a private school. I'm surprised they weren't wearing Le Labo or something. Is that the—

Tommy: I went to all different types.

Josh: I went to public, private. Is the tip— because I went to a quite— they called a low socioeconomic school, a bit of a pov school. Is there, um, a difference in teachers? Because I noticed like teachers like wear suits if you go to like a good school potentially.

Tommy: Well, I don't know.

Alex: I feel like— I mean, generally, yeah, there's a difference in teachers. I feel like They want it. They're kind of smart enough to know, I want to get paid more. I'll go to the Catholic private. I had a teacher. I went to a state school. I had a teacher and he'd always talk about his wife because she taught at a private school and he'd always bitch about his wife. She gets to get off half an hour early and gets paid well, doesn't she?

Tommy: The marriage was in trouble.

Alex: Yeah.

Tommy: Part of the bitching too.

Josh: There was a lady who was working in a Steiner school and then came to our school and it was a real shock because she was used to just all these kids being really open. Have you heard of Steiner schools?

Alex: Oh yeah. Barefoot. Yeah.

Josh: Barefoot, as in like they go barefoot. Yeah, some of them don't have to go barefoot.

Alex: They don't have to go barefoot in the mess hall.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Splurge, all that sort of thing. It's very German.

Alex: They can do what they want. Yeah.

Josh: But the thing was, she was shocked and we just leaned into the fact that she hated the fact that we weren't more Steiner-like.

Tommy: And she'd left the Steiner school in Canberra.

Alex: Have you met a Steiner kid? Like since you've been at a Steiner school? They read.

Tommy: Yeah. My friend of mine's girlfriend I said, I haven't met her, but I said, oh, where did she grow up? In Melbourne. She's like, what school did she go to? Steiner. I haven't actually met a kid that's been through the Steiner system.

Josh: I could imagine George going to a Steiner school. What school do you go to? My girlfriend went to Steiner. Oh, really? So what's the deal?

Tommy: I know one then, and it's great.

Josh: I think she only went for like under a year, maybe a year. Okay. Yeah. What's the deal? What do they learn? Creative stuff.

Alex: I was like, they just learn ukulele, right?

Josh: Yeah, I think it's pretty pretty creative and pretty loose.

Alex: Isn't it like they can just learn when they feel like learning? Probably. Yeah, something like that.

Tommy: That's why they don't learn anything. Far out. How do you do adulthood, do you think? I mean, if you were to rate your—

Alex: I'm good.

Tommy: You're good?

Alex: What's it out of?

Tommy: Well, out of 10.

Josh: I know it's the old Queensland, 1 being the best.

Alex: Yeah, yeah, 1. Sorry, in the GP system. Yeah, 1. So I guess I'm like a 2.

Tommy: Okay, so you're—

Alex: I'm very good at being— I'm very domestic, like I'm domesticated. I think that's why I'm good. I have like a nice place and I couldn't cook, but it's not a very regular comedian trait.

Josh: Yeah.

Alex: Okay. To be in control of your food and finances.

Tommy: Your life. So you've got a tidy house?

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. Except I have two dogs, so it's constant cleanup after them.

Josh: And so is your girlfriend messy then?

Alex: No, we're both tidy.

Josh: Okay.

Alex: Well, that's convenient. It doesn't make for good conversation. I'm trying to think of—

Tommy: No, but I think it is. It's like it's the— you said the anti comedian. Like, I could imagine a share house stinky and just surviving.

Alex: I get a lot of people walking in and going, whoa, whose room's this? You know, like, that's the spare room.

Tommy: What?

Alex: Yeah, they're like, you could fit 3 in here.

Tommy: Is it like a, uh, display home? Because Josh's apartment is like a display.

Josh: No.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, a little bit more character, just like it's very tidy, very—

Josh: yeah, we like to keep that like everything quite white and all that.

Tommy: So it's all boring.

Alex: Yours is eclectic.

Tommy: No, it's got— you've got a style. Bree's got a lot of style.

Alex: Do I have a ukulele? Yeah, is that what you're gonna ask? No, fuck no.

Josh: Have you got any instrument?

Alex: Actually, yeah, there's a guitar in the spare room, but what the fuck's the difference? Yeah, you're right, it is a small female-sized guitar. It's my girlfriend's, she doesn't play it either, and every time I say get rid of it, she's like, oh, I'll pick it up again. You won't. I, um, I have all this stuff in our house we have pretty much acquired off Gumtree or the side of the road. Which is— and we have a very good bed, but that's it.

Tommy: Well, if you have a rule of that, you'll— I mean, it's not really a rule.

Alex: You need a good bed, you know, right?

Tommy: If you take shit off the side of the road, it's a slippery slope because you keep doing it. I've enforced the— we don't do that in our household. Yeah. My brother, my sister, my wife's sister lives with us and she likes to get stuff off the side of the road.

Alex: Yeah. Well, I feel like you should only get stuff if you're replacing something worse. Or you still need that thing. You can't just keep adding to it. You can't have like 4 couches. You just have one good couch. Yeah, but they're like the stuff. I don't get couches off the side of the road. I only get like, like, you know, like hardwood.

Tommy: Yeah, hardwood.

Alex: Yeah. I only get hardwood off the side. You don't get mattresses or couches or anything.

Tommy: Mate, in our garage, she broke the rule and I think Amy, my wife, said something to her since we have, you know, have you ever been to Bali?

Alex: No.

Tommy: So they sell like all different types of— Yeah, you're not really selling—

Alex: Good beds there.

Tommy: It's where I met my wife, so. I found something great in Bali, but no, they do like shitty kites. So you get like, you can get like a bird kite. I mean, they're kind of cool, but they're very gimmicky to fly, to fly. And then there's like ship, like a pirate ship kite. And so on the side of the road, my brother, my sister-in-law, is that it?

Alex: Yeah.

Tommy: Sister-in-law brought home this rainbow-colored fucking kite that is a pirate ship. And now it's in the garage.

Josh: Yeah. Yeah. How many, how many strings?

Tommy: I don't know.

Alex: Two?

Tommy: It just pisses me off.

Alex: When was the last time you flew a kite?

Tommy: Exactly.

Alex: They're so boring. They're so bad. I've never, even as a kid, I was like, this is a bad game. Like you get up for a second and then even if it's up, you're instantly like, oh, that's it. Yeah. I hate kite flight. Even when I see it, I'm like, I guess it looks good, but.

Josh: It's the old school drone.

Tommy: Yeah, drone without the drone.

Alex: At least it's quiet.

Josh: Yeah. Like I actually. Where I went wrong is when you want to go sort of to the nice level of kites, they all have two strings.

Alex: Imagine putting a camera on a kite at a wedding to film it from above.

Josh: That would actually work. I was wondering about that because—

Tommy: Diner school video production.

Josh: Yeah, they definitely have kites involved. I do wonder that, you know, there's all the drone rules. What about like a really long stick? Like, so say you can't go more than 30 metres up. What if you had a stick that went 30 metres up? Is that okay?

Alex: I mean, I guess it's okay, but it'd be very difficult. It'd be funny to watch who's controlling it. Just like wobble.

Tommy: It's like a selfie stick that's 30 metres long. I'm sure you can. What's the longest selfie stick, Mr. 97? Did you get into selfie sticks, Alex?

Alex: No, no, I haven't. I don't mind a selfie, but I think arm length is enough.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: What phone are you rocking?

Alex: iPhone.

Tommy: What number?

Alex: I think it's a 7 or an 8.

Josh: Tommy just got there. Which one was it?

Tommy: 11.

Alex: I'm a bit behind. I thought the next one was 9.

Tommy: They didn't release a 9.

Josh: Tommy's actually beta testing. They haven't brought it out yet.

Alex: Really? How is it?

Tommy: No, he's not. But Josh has got the most expensive iPhone with no insurance.

Josh: No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, who—

Tommy: it's all about the number of cameras on the back. Yeah, if you don't have 3 cameras, you're a loser.

Alex: That's Josh's camera's on the front for the selfie.

Josh: So the great thing is that if you like, um, if you face it actually I took a photo at the drive-in cinema. Have you been to the drive-in cinema?

Alex: Why? Of yourself on the screen?

Josh: No, of myself with my girlfriend. Here, have a look at this.

Alex: Insane. What were you just being?

Josh: With the cake that I had on the long weekend.

Alex: Wow. Were you just there like, oh, the good old days?

Josh: Well, I've never been, but I couldn't believe how many people like dressed up like they were in the '50s. Like really? Like people who just haven't like—

Alex: Was this in Coburg?

Josh: No, it was in Dromana.

Tommy: Nah, it's one of the old school. I mean, maybe it's just old people going to the cinema.

Alex: That was pitch black.

Josh: You can't tell, but it's like it worked really well. And Bree was— we had real issues because her hand kept showing up and it just doesn't look great. So, it looked like—

Alex: You insist that your girlfriend doesn't have hands?

Josh: Well, no, it just sort of— it's very obvious. And so, you'll see that she's got hands. And I tried one where I held her hand and then we just got rid of her hands.

Alex: This is the perfect sort of thing if you have someone, if you're holding someone ransom, just changing the daylight.

Josh: It's beautiful. Yeah, it looked great. But, um, are you addicted to your phone, do you think?

Alex: Uh, yeah, I'm addicted. I, I allow myself, like, when I go to the park with the dogs, I don't take the phone. That's it. That's like half an hour a day off my phone.

Josh: Well, because you hear people say about like not using their phone in front of kids. Have you got the rule with the dogs?

Alex: Not using, um, you just want to give them the full attention? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: No, because then they'll want to use your phone.

Alex: No, um, one dog is is really into the phone and one isn't. Like, one actually likes the phone. Like, he'll always pose for it thinking there's a camera, like a photo happening, and the other dog is oblivious. But that same oblivious dog can watch TV when the other one can't.

Josh: Oh, that's really—

Tommy: like, enjoys it?

Alex: Yeah, actually. But one can't figure out what the TV is. Like, doesn't have— can't see it. It's like just— it's not there. But one is like— can watch the shows. It's the opposite dog. I know, they're different era dogs.

Tommy: What kind of dogs are they?

Alex: They're both like Jack Russell crosses.

Tommy: Okay, cute. So they're both the same breed?

Alex: Yeah, but they look completely different.

D: Yeah.

Alex: Yeah. One's brown, one's white.

Tommy: The thing, my friend had a Jack Russell. Like, you always want the dog that your friend has that's already trained. Like, I think about wanting to get a dog and there's that period of time of having to train the thing.

Alex: Everyone who comes up to my dogs and they're like, God, they're great. We'll get one of them. Like, don't. Like, this is 2 years of hard work. Like, you just— Jack Russells are psychos. Just remember that.

Josh: Like, this isn't normal.

Alex: They're like, oh, it's like a big dog, but a small dog. Yeah, it was like $600 worth of training. Really?

Tommy: Yeah. One-on-one PT.

Alex: PT, yeah. I don't even get PT.

Tommy: $600 per dog or dual dog?

Alex: Actually, I didn't get it for the second one. We just used all the techniques we stole.

Tommy: Yeah, great.

Alex: Yeah. So if you know anyone—

Tommy: What, a friend you're training now?

Alex: Yeah, for that sort of money.

Josh: Well, a friend was telling me last night actually that it's not in the training, it's what you do when you go home.

Alex: Oh yeah, it's the repetition.

Josh: And so what sort of things do you have to repeatedly do?

Alex: I mean, this guy we had called Graham was crazy. Like, he would constantly say, hi, I'm Graham the dog trainer. Like, he wouldn't say not the dog trainer. I know who you are, Graham. He's like, yeah, I'm Graham the dog trainer. I'm thinking, he's not good with people. It's good he's with the dogs. But he was constantly like, he's like, you have to be the boss. Like, you— he's like, this is, this is what he said was the structure of a family. It should go adults, us, dogs, then children. He said, because children are erratic and can't be trusted.

Josh: That's very true though, isn't it?

Tommy: No, it is true.

Alex: He thinks that dogs are more trust— but anyway, he was basically like, you just have to— like, he said, my dog Kyle— I didn't have the other one yet— he said, he's trying to be the leader and he doesn't know how because he was never born to be a leader. That's what he said about my dog.

Josh: So fully like psychoanalysis type of thing. It's a lot of psychoanalysis.

Alex: And then he was 100% right. As soon as we like, well, like not mean, but we're like, we're in charge. He's just like, was so happy. He was just so happy, even though he's way more like, oh, submissive and stuff. And then once he got used to it, never been a happier dog.

Tommy: So my son likes, well, he responds way better to structure. So if you tell, okay, here's what's going on, like they fit into it. And so maybe it's a bit of that, like, know where they place themselves.

Alex: Yeah, dogs are just like children. People won't tell me that.

Tommy: Sounds like.

Alex: It's just as hard.

Josh: Is the—

Tommy: For a period.

Josh: Do you do dry or wet food for the dogs?

Alex: Oh, I thought you were talking about his kid.

Josh: I do both.

Alex: Do you?

Tommy: It depends on what.

Josh: Lucky.

Tommy: Yeah. Dry.

Josh: I think he only gets cereal. No, but go on.

Tommy: He loves wet food.

Alex: Dry. Dry. With a few treats.

Josh: And so, you can do that? Like, because one of the big barriers for me of getting a dog is dealing with the wet food.

Alex: No, we don't use the wet food. We just— But it is expensive dry food.

Tommy: I heard the wet food can give him shits. Like, I met this— I lived in Bondi and there was this beautiful, like, Samoyed, like one of those Japanese. It was white, fluffy, looked like a little teddy bear. The coat was just silky smooth. And this guy was a bit kind of tweaked that owned him. And he— I saw him, like, had something in his pocket. He's like— I was like, what are you doing? What are you feeding him? He's like, I feed it jerky. Like beef jerky and 7 times a day and that's it. He's like, that's how you get the coat silky. It doesn't need any more than that. Just water and jerky.

Alex: And he gave us— he's forcing an eating disorder on his dog.

Josh: But you can, I guess, right? That's the benefit of having it.

Tommy: Yeah, there's a difference.

Alex: That is one of the benefits. Yeah, well, because that's a great thing, your eating disorder.

Tommy: You can forget to feed your dog and it's not a criminal offense. Whereas if I don't feed my son.

Alex: Yeah, still get the guilt, but no charge. Actually, I'm pretty sure if you forgot to feed your dog for like a certain amount of time, you'd get charged, right?

Tommy: Yeah. I mean, the time would be longer than a child, I think.

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but then probably the rule applies like dogs in cars.

Tommy: It's still the same of kids in cars. It's both the same.

Alex: Yeah. You gotta leave the window.

Tommy: I mean, yeah.

Alex: Oh, no doubt.

Josh: Not in the car.

Alex: You gotta put the the pipe-ins from the back.

Josh: Have you seen what the Teslas have? The Teslas have a mode that you press for the dog, for your dog, if it's in the car, and so it will like, the aircon will stay running.

Tommy: It's so good.

Alex: That's awesome.

Tommy: Yeah, BMW.

Alex: I'm gonna get one just for that. Yeah, I wasn't into them before that, but I'll get one now.

Josh: Are you, do you own a car?

Alex: Yes, I have a car. I'm trying to get rid of it because my partner has a car too, and Her car's way better. My car, and this is the only reason I still have it, is it won't die. And it's my first car ever. And it's really starting to annoy me because it's a 2000 Holden Barina and it's fine. But I don't want to drive this tiny little car anymore. So like 2000, it will not die.

Tommy: Like, I mean, and that's a good car that should die. Like, it's a Holden Barina.

Alex: Yeah.

Tommy: And it should die.

Alex: No, it just keeps going. It's, it's kind of annoying because it was a fine car. People 3 people backed into it last year. I reckon no notes because they've just looked at it and been like, it's so shit. But it used to have nothing that looked bad about it, but now it's 3 dents in the front.

Tommy: Yeah, they want you to pay for their car.

Alex: Yeah, like even though they backed into me. So I think in 6 months when it's up, I'm going to sell it for Reggio. I mean, sell it for parts.

Tommy: I ended up trading in my Honda Civic just for cash. Remember the guy tried to give me $50 less and I was like, mate, come on.

Alex: Where do you trade in for cash?

Tommy: So you just call up, there's like a scrap place and they come pick up your car, they put it on and they just, you sign it off and they give you cash.

Alex: I'm going to do that. I want that cash.

Tommy: And so you get, I think you'd get more doing cash. You get more doing that than you do.

Alex: Take that $200 to the Tesla dealer.

Tommy: Put a down payment on a Tesla.

Josh: I, when we were going home from, we stayed in Arthur's Seat over the long weekend and I just got over driving our I-30 and I sort of said to my girlfriend, Bri, I said, like if we had a Tesla, because my concern is if I don't feel like driving, what I say is I'm just a bit sleepy. Because if then Bree says like, oh no, you should drive, then she's sort of complicit in if, if like I fall asleep. So I lead with I'm sleepy, you know. She always knows this happens. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Whoa, you know, sorry, I just closed my eyes for a second.

Alex: Your girlfriend's like passed out from a car crash and dead, you're like Told you.

Josh: You did this. And so anyway, but what I was saying is if I had a Tesla, would be fine because then we'd be able to actually do long road trips and like stay later on a long weekend. And then because it like drives for you.

Alex: Just get one. What's holding you back?

Josh: Well, I was looking, I was looking at how much it was.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And so it was like $1,300. So I said to Bree, it's $1,300 a month. She's like, okay. She's like, well, that's like, we pay $300 a month for the i30. And she's like, how many, how many months is it for? I was like, 80. How many was it? 82 months? No, 82 months.

Tommy: This is for a new one though. This is a new one.

D: Well, it makes sense. They're like, they're like $100K.

Josh: Yeah. Yeah.

Alex: I don't know what they are.

D: Oh, that's like, that's baseline.

Tommy: I spoke to a guy that bought one years ago for $270K and sold it. $270,000 and then sold it for $200,000. Then, then they released one that was $150,000, which was a similar version.

Alex: Oh, that person who bought it.

Tommy: So he got out at the right time, lost a bit of cash, but that's a lot of cash.

Alex: That poor person who bought it.

Tommy: Well, I mean, if you got that cash, if you got $200,000 to give somebody, you're probably fine. You're fine.

Josh: But what is it about the Tesla that you like? Like when you see it, like, do you actually—

Alex: Do I actually really like it? Honest. I mean, it just sounds like the best best car. So that's— I mean, if it has that dog feature, I might get it. But I'd be quite happy with like— I just want— I sort of torn because I would like a sort of small SUV like sort of thing for going camping, but also I'm torn because I resent people who drive those in the city where I live, like real close to the city and 20-minute walk in from Richmond. And I'm like, I don't want to be one of those, you know, mothers. I'm not even a mother.

Josh: No, you could do it.

Tommy: This—

Josh: I could imagine you in a Cybertruck. Have you heard about this? The Tesla Cybertruck? Have you seen one?

Alex: It That's the funny one where the glass broke.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I could imagine you rocking.

Alex: They brought out a toy one. Maybe I'll get the toy, a remote control one. They bought one out because they haven't got them ready just to keep promoting it, and they even include it with a smashed glass.

Josh: Oh really?

Tommy: Elon Musk is a genius. He just posted about Coachella. What did he say, Mr. Sevz?

D: Uh, he's, uh, let me get the tweet. It was something around—

Tommy: he was ragging on Coachella and how shit it is.

Alex: Was that because they didn't book Grimes?

Tommy: Well, maybe, maybe.

Josh: You got— I don't understand. That's his partner.

Tommy: Yeah.

Alex: Is it Grimes the musician?

Tommy: No, it's his partner.

Alex: I think I know her songs, some of her songs. But what are they? Oh, I mean, if you heard it, I don't know the names of them.

Tommy: And so what did he say?

D: Coachella should postpone itself until it stops sucking. Too much corporate sponsorship killed the vibe. Was maybe good 5 or 6 years ago when you could wander around and find great unknown bands. And then Coachella replied with a photo of someone standing on top of a Tesla Model X with its doors open in the air.

Tommy: It was like floating.

D: I think it was Travis Scott.

Tommy: I think Travis— I think it was Travis Scott, and he's like, it's flying through the air.

Josh: What's their point?

Tommy: Their point is that he's— he's raging out. He's part of that Coachella. Yeah. And then Travis Scott— I don't know if someone used him, but then what did he write back to them?

D: And then he said, okay, fine, that was good.

Alex: Because Travis Scott is playing Coachella as well.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. The— I think the— he's, he's a genius in that way where he's like plays into it, plays into that shit. Like he's a billionaire ragging on, you know, any music festival. It's bizarre.

Alex: I reckon he's like, you're probably right, a genius. But also it's just like the guy to get to the furthest place up here to not let go of just his normal personality. Yeah, you know, he hasn't like given in to like, I better act a certain way now. He's being like, if you were you now, but you then were like that rich and in that much of the limelight and you just stayed exactly like this, calling people gronks.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look at it. Look at him. He smoked a blunt on Joe Rogan. It's like a bizarre move.

Josh: I'd love to see like Steve Jobs, if he was still alive, like on Twitter, just trolling shit. Yeah, you know, you Samsung lol.

Alex: But you could constantly just send back a picture of him in his turtleneck and be like, nice turtleneck, doo kid. But then is your neck cold today?

Josh: Just retweeting shit. Actually, someone who's really good on Twitter is James Blunt.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, that's all I had to say.

Alex: I was just trying to, um, uh, who sings 'Your Body Is a Wonderful Land'? Who sings that?

Tommy: John Mayer.

Alex: Yeah, he's good too on Twitter. He's funny. I don't know what he's done lately.

Tommy: What, what, um, what's your go-to social media for, I don't know, getting involved in any of this kind of shit?

Alex: Um, I'm, I've been off Twitter a bit actually. I haven't like lately.

Tommy: Banned or not?

Alex: Yeah, banned. I, uh, no, just just like once a week I've been going on. I just feel like it's like I go on and I'm just trawling through just the same old shit and I'm like, I need to probably restart it and just follow some people like Elon Musk. Yeah, entertaining. I'm always on Instagram, that's my medium. And so mostly like mostly just creating stuff, not little videos and things.

Tommy: Outlet as a comedian, okay. Twitter is good for writing.

Alex: Twitter is good for writing, but I have that, I have a writing job, so I think at the end of the day I'd just not even can't be bothered. That was very rude.

Josh: That's a nightmare. It's a no-caller right there.

Alex: In the middle of a good story.

Tommy: Gronkh alert. Josh's phone rang.

Josh: I reckon it could be the police because I called— I— my cage got broken into.

Alex: Is that where you live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just calling to arrest you.

Josh: No, I wonder. Well, I'll find out later. Um, but sorry, continue.

Alex: Oh no, that's a better story, I think.

Josh: Yeah, well, no, I spoke— no, no. So like, you know, the storage cage you have, like, in apartment blocks, and so it got broken into and now now. They're— I'm guessing that maybe they've got a lead, which would be exciting.

Alex: Oh, I found out.

Tommy: Did they tell you that?

Alex: Would they tell you to have them on the—

Josh: yeah, I can't.

Tommy: You can't?

Josh: I wonder. I'm just gonna listen to the voicemail. Let's see what they're— hang on. It could be the ATO.

Alex: Good, thanks. Have you had any break-ins lately?

Tommy: No, no break-ins.

Josh: The, um, Telstra. I need to pay my bill.

Tommy: That's a monthly occurrence, dude.

Josh: Well, because the thing is, I don't trust them to direct debit. Well, I can't.

Alex: Yeah, I can only afford the phone, sort of send them a photo of your bank statement, which is empty, with the like 3D camera.

Tommy: You could actually automate a $10 more a month payment to them, so it adds to the credit. So you would pay at the end of like 12 months or 11 months, you wouldn't have to pay the next month's phone bill or something like that. So you could pay for like a month and a bit.

Josh: Well, I pay $15 extra every month anyway because I keep fucking forgetting.

D: If you just— you can set a specific, uh, direct debit. It's like $50, and they'll only— so you're not paying whatever the bill is, you're just— you've dialled in $50 and they'll only take $50. That's good, regardless of how much your bill is. So I do $1 over my bill.

Josh: Yeah, okay.

D: And then so you get credit.

Josh: Yeah, I feel like Canadian. I feel like Canadians, but I was Telstra for so long. What happened? Corporate life?

Alex: Um, yeah, yeah, I've been in corporate since I was I don't know what happened. I just— oh, my phone, like, it— I— whatever, the contract ended and Optus was just so much cheaper. And I'm like, I used to like— I used to like Telstra because I'd be like, yeah, you can get range anywhere in the middle of nowhere. I was like, I'm never going anywhere that often. And when I am, I don't care if no one can contact me or whatever. So I changed. But that's the thing I forgot about Telstra is they punish you if you don't pay on time. They add stuff. Optus doesn't do that.

Josh: Don't they?

Alex: That's good. No, they just like leave it and then they just add it. Like if I forget, then the next month they're like, you owe us 2 months.

Josh: Yeah. Well, I think I may, it may have gotten to that for me because I just saw it's, I need to just put it in the calendar.

Tommy: So maybe you're always a month behind.

Josh: I think that's what's happening. But it's fine. It's easy. I can sort it out.

Alex: You should call them, sort it out, man.

Josh: Well, yeah, it's annoying. It was one of those like, this is not a telemarketing.

Alex: The amount of times you've shown me a photo of your girlfriend.

Josh: Yeah, man.

Tommy: I'm going to get that photo off the internet.

Alex: She's pretty. What do you want me to say? She's pretty.

Josh: Well done, man.

Alex: Thank you.

Josh: That's all I wanted. Talking about Bree, she works at Hey Tiger, a chocolate brand. And at the moment it's their second birthday. Can you believe it, guys? It's their second birthday. That's amazing.

Tommy: It's actually, we started the podcast when they started Hey Tiger. Who's more successful?

Josh: Depends how you look at life.

Alex: You know what life is like?

Josh: Yeah. A box of fairy wings.

Alex: Expensive. So that's a month behind payment.

Josh: No, but the great thing is that you can use a coupon code. I don't know what the code is, but if you go to Hey Tiger's Instagram, they're giving a whole free block of fairy wings, which is fairy bread, and it's vegan milk chocolate. And, um, yeah, do I get to try something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, this is the whole deal.

D: The coupon code is BDAYTIGER.

Josh: Can I just say The foil.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: Are you on Instagram?

Alex: This is a smart move.

Josh: Yeah.

Alex: Gold.

Josh: It looks beautiful.

Alex: Doesn't that just like— because all of us grew up with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This is like just reminds me of that. It's so good.

Josh: And so the great thing is that they've got this little— what do you call that?

D: Slit.

Josh: A slit.

Alex: Slit.

Josh: And so the great thing is—

Alex: very sexual word.

Josh: Is that what you wanted to say?

Tommy: Yeah, the little slit. I knew exactly what it was.

Alex: I didn't want to say it.

Tommy: It's too— I haven't used that term in a long time.

Alex: Slit.

Josh: Sorry, can we just—

Tommy: Who's using slit? When are you going to use slit in a—

Alex: Slip into my slit. You dirty slut.

Tommy: Have you used it before?

Josh: No.

Tommy: It's one of the words everyone knows about but never is used.

Josh: Wow. Can we just appreciate how good it looks?

Alex: That looks like a cool studded belt.

Josh: And then look at the back. But try some, Alex. Just break it off. I will.

Alex: I feel like you've given me the end with the branding.

Josh: No, no, you take whichever end. I don't want to— Oh my God, you take it.

Tommy: You're the bar.

Josh: I don't care about— You take it all home.

Alex: So let me just slide around.

Josh: Okay. Oh, sorry. So Alex is— You can have the big bit. You can get the— Okay. Oh yeah. Oh, that's good. That's fine.

Alex: So it's—

Josh: Can I have some too, please?

Alex: Yeah, you can have some.

Josh: Well, because Tommy said it was yours, which was— it was all of ours.

Alex: Yeah, I'll share it with you. I know that you're poor.

Josh: I haven't, so this is good.

Alex: Oh, it's like a Crunch Bar.

Tommy: Have you eaten breakfast, Alex?

Alex: Mm-hmm.

Tommy: What'd you have for brekkie?

Alex: I had banana, coffee.

Josh: I just leaned into it.

Alex: And a piece of toast. I had everything today.

Josh: What's your coffee?

Alex: I can't remember what I bought this time, but I made it home on a stovetop.

Josh: I think I've got a Turkish thing.

Alex: No, like a percolator, an Italian.

D: Okay.

Tommy: I was listening to a meditation last night in bed, and I always try and get my wife involved.

Josh: You got that sound?

Tommy: And, and no, this is the part of it.

Alex: So you're doing a meditation, you always try to get your wife.

Tommy: I'm trying to get my wife involved in doing the meditation with me. Okay, um, how does that work? I turn it on and I say, let's do it. Yeah, and then we lie down together and we do the meditation.

Josh: Yeah, you're not really meant to lie down, are you?

Tommy: It depends.

Alex: This one I've been doing, you're just going to sleep, you can do whatever you need to do.

Tommy: I've been doing, uh, in that case I meditate. There's a few, some of them, some of them don't want you. So Sam Harris doesn't want you to lie down. He wants you to sit up straight, and it makes sense. But this one is like, you just need to have your head, neck, and chest in line, so you can lie down for it. Anyway, I didn't pick up on it, but we were 5 minutes into it and Amy's like, I can't handle it. I can't handle the— like, he was— it's obviously an old recording, and he's right next to the mic and he's So now I want you to breathe.

Josh: And I love that sound.

Tommy: And no, but Amy used a term, look it up.

Josh: There's like a, uh, it's almost like a phobia or people of eating and stuff.

Tommy: It's having that sound that cannot like— and the problem was I didn't hear any of it until she pointed it out.

Alex: Some people are very sensitive to that mouth sound.

Tommy: Yeah, can you find it out? Mouth sound phobia, write that.

Josh: Well, I just feel like— weird thing is there's something intimate about it.

Alex: This is good.

Josh: Quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think? What do you think? Now give us your honest—

Alex: really nice.

Josh: Oh, great. Yeah, no, it is, uh, it is good, and it's surprising that it's vegan.

Alex: I forgot it was vegan. Yeah, it tastes naughty. Oh yeah, is that vegan? Oh, I thought that was something weird.

D: Did you find it misophonia?

Alex: Yeah.

D: Yes.

Tommy: Misophonia, what does it mean?

D: A disorder which means sufferers have a hatred of sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing, and even pen clicking.

Tommy: Pen clicking?

D: First named in 2001.

Alex: I think pen clicking is actually annoying though.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, when are you pen clicking?

Alex: It's very— I guess you guys don't work in offices.

Josh: No, it's very annoying, especially because the only clicky—

Alex: It's very arrogant.

Josh: Well, the only clicky pens we have are mine, and so when Tommy's clicking a pen It's my fucking pen and I'm clicking it. You know that there's that black pen upstairs, that's mine.

Tommy: Can't remember.

Alex: It is fun.

Josh: Yeah, yeah. I mean, that black gel pen, that's mine.

Tommy: I can't remember.

Josh: I mean, I don't really give a shit about most people who take the pens.

Alex: You know, this is why he has to meditate. That's my pen.

Josh: Do you think I'm too aggressive? That's some feedback we've been getting on the show is people are saying that I've been aggressive, angsty.

Alex: You've got a quiet aggression, you know, hold eye contact for a bit.

Tommy: I mean, I see usually it's also towards me, but I feel more like I empathise with you based on you being tired.

Josh: And I'm not tired.

Tommy: No, but no, it's like the last couple of weeks.

Josh: I went to sleep right now.

Tommy: I mean, fuck, I was trying to give you sleep at 7, but just don't tell me if I'm tired.

Josh: I'm not—

Tommy: It was no last week, it was like if we've got a lot on, it's like we're just exhausted.

Josh: I was— I had nothing on last week.

Alex: I'm trying to give you an out for being a cunt. Do you have a kid?

Josh: No, I don't. He does.

Alex: You have a kid?

Tommy: My kid woke up last night, it was 1 AM, and crying brought him into the bed and he was squealing. It was like he's still asleep. And the way I got him to sleep was like, do you want to sleep on the ground? And he's, yes. And he's like, give me my pillow and blanket. And he slept on the ground all night. What a weirdo. What a little freak.

Josh: And then you slept?

Tommy: And then I was fine. Yeah, it was all good. Hey, have you done ecstasy with your mum yet?

Alex: No, she won't. She was all talk. She said she wanted to do it, and then I actually was like, at Christmas last year, I was like, should we do it? And she was like, ah, no, no, no, I can't do it. And I was like, all right. Um, so no, I haven't done it. I've done it with my siblings.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, that's a bonding experience.

Josh: I get—

Alex: isn't it? It's the best.

Josh: We, uh, we did edibles when we were in, uh, Los Angeles. We recorded a bit that we released to the VIP Gronks of us trying it. Marijuana, I feel safe because I, you know, what it sort of is in it.

Tommy: Well, especially when it's legalised as well.

Alex: But the thing with edibles, they scare me. I don't feel safe because I don't know how much weed is in them.

Tommy: Oh, you do eat them. So it's not like, it's not like your Gronk mates just made a cookie and doesn't know.

Josh: It's just like 20 mil, like, so yeah, we knew exactly. But the thing with ecstasy, I remember as a as a kid, it was always like, be careful, you'll drown.

Alex: Oh yeah, because you're in your own—

Josh: because you'll drink too much water.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: And because I feel like I'm like, if I get into work and I have forgotten to drink water in the morning, I like, I need to drink, like I overdo it. And then 97, to his point, it's like, because you're meant to have like 2 litres a day, or like for me, I think I've set it at 2.8 liters.

Alex: Um, there she is.

Tommy: You don't need your phone here, dude.

Josh: So drink 2.5 litres of water. And so I keep a track of it.

Alex: So this is— you use this—

Josh: I meant to do this every day.

Alex: To manage your life.

Josh: Yes. Yeah, this is all my admin.

Alex: Everything you do.

Josh: Read more than 15 minutes, drink 2.5 litres of water. You're gonna kill someone. No, it's not on my list.

Alex: Please don't add it.

Josh: But, um, yeah, so, uh, so there's some other things too. Out of bed before 6, gratitude list.

Alex: I'm not addicted to my phone like this. I just go about my day In the old-fashioned way.

Josh: Well, this is optimised. But so, the water, the problem is I'll have the 2.5 litres before 10 AM. So, George, you think that that's silly just based on you laughing? So, then you're done for the day, is that the— Well, that was what I thought. But then I'd piss all the time, and by the evening I was dehydrated.

Alex: Yeah, of course. Yeah, it doesn't work like that.

Josh: So, they shouldn't really set daily limits.

Alex: Well, you're batching though.

Josh: They should be like hourly.

Alex: 4-hourly limits maybe.

Tommy: There's a— my wife has a bottle and on it has different times, and so like at a different period of time throughout the day you get down to that.

Alex: That's good.

Josh: That's got motivation. I've seen ones like in LA where it's like, you go girl, only one ounce more to go. Yeah, yeah, that would really help actually. Are you, um, so you're good with admin?

Alex: Good with admin, pretty good. I get caught up occasionally, like occasionally if I like forget to do one payment or something, I really am like, ah, like it's like I've failed. I'm like, no, I like to be on top of stuff, you know.

Tommy: Do you take the, uh, the brunt of the admin in your relationship?

Alex: Yes, actually I do. Um, I, I'm probably just because I was in— to be honest, it's probably just because I was in the house first and I had it all set up for myself.

Tommy: So what came first, the relationship or the house?

Alex: The house. And then you got with girlfriend, and then she moved in after a couple of years.

Tommy: Who? I mean, who's on the lease now? Is it just you?

Alex: No, she's on the lease as well.

Josh: Why do you do the double? Like getting her name on the lease? Is that just like if you fuck shit up, it's both of our—

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. It's just—

Josh: What's the other reason?

Alex: Yeah, it was like, well, that's the only one. Don't fuck with me.

Tommy: And you own dogs together or do they come from—

Alex: Yeah, we own them together.

Josh: Both of them?

Alex: Both of them.

Josh: Okay.

Alex: Yeah. No, just the lease is just so that she can have a job and have said she lives somewhere and not It helps for the future regardless of your health. It's pretty much just so she can live her life.

Josh: Well, I realised I wasn't a dog person when someone was breaking up and they were like fighting over the dog.

Tommy: I'm like, dude.

Josh: That's hard. Oh yeah, that's perfect. She wants the dog. Just give it to her. It's like, no, I want the dog. I'm like, okay, I don't get it.

Tommy: Yeah, if you both want the dog.

Alex: Yeah, they should do what's best for the dog.

Tommy: What is best for the dog?

Josh: How do you know what's best?

Alex: I think it'd just be whoever's working the right hours or bigger yard, that kind of thing.

Josh: Really?

Tommy: I reckon you give it to Graham, the dog trainer.

Josh: I feel like the bigger yard thing—

Alex: so that he can give it to his kids' room. You know, he's like, kids, get out, dog's comfort zone.

Josh: So, um, no, the, the big— have you got a big yard?

Alex: I've got a courtyard that's probably like half—

Josh: ah, any grass involved?

Alex: Uh, only a small patch, but it's not really an issue. We go to the park every morning, a little walk outside. They do sometimes shit on the concrete. Yeah, if you're not— it's your own dog, you don't seem that upset. If some other dog came in and shat on my con—

Josh: absolutely not.

Alex: Furious.

Tommy: I mean, it's no different different. My son's shat on the concrete out the back. Do you, um, do you share?

Alex: My dog sleep on the floor.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Um, wait, sleep or shit?

Tommy: Did you sleep?

Alex: Both, both.

Tommy: They're exactly— they're whatever Alex's dog has done, Bodhi's done too.

Josh: Yeah, and probably more disgusting.

Alex: Next year going to prep.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. Um, do you share bank accounts with your partner?

Alex: We have one joint account. Oh, my mum's never even asked me all this stuff.

Tommy: Oh, I'm just interested.

Alex: So we have a joint account and it was originally for Kyle the dog so that we could like, um, so that we could put in for like his, you know, like pet insurance, his food. So I guess now it's for Kyle and Jill, but, um, but it is handy having that one so that if for some reason we need to swap money, put it into that one.

Josh: It's like the middle account, like ING or whatever.

Alex: Yeah, we're all on ING. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: I mean, I was speaking to my best mate the other day and he's married, has a couple of kids they don't have shared bank accounts. They've got a mortgage together, but then—

Alex: What do you think about that?

Tommy: I mean, like, my situation is where everything's one. I've got like my own CommBank account that I don't pay for. It's just there, handy to have. I get sent some pocket money now and then into that, which is nice. But yeah, so my situation is—

Josh: Does it sound a real sad situation?

Tommy: Being in a relationship.

Josh: Anyone else feel a bit sad?

Alex: And instantly I was like, Like from yourself?

Josh: Oh no, just call it transfer. Don't call it pocket money.

Tommy: I like pocket money.

Josh: You have to make your bed if you want pocket money.

Tommy: Yeah, I make my bed.

Josh: Do you really?

Tommy: Yeah, I do.

Josh: Is it connected to— is your pocket money connected to actual chores?

Tommy: No, it's not. It's not. But my wife does most of our personal admin, so— and so because my focus is on what we're doing here, which—

Alex: breadwinner.

Tommy: Well, not even breadwinner, she makes more than us.

Alex: I'm the breadwinner too.

Tommy: Oh, there you go. No, I'm not the breadwinner. No, no, no, you're not. I'll shake your hand just because you're the breadwinner.

Josh: But no, so he gets pocket money.

Tommy: The initial— I think we all—

Alex: sometimes he literally goes to the bakery, gets some free bread.

Josh: I wonder.

Tommy: Yeah, I think you always judge people on your— on how you approach life, right? And so it's like, well, we do this and we're in the same situation as you, so that's a bit weird what you do. But then there's the No, that's just your shit. You're doing your own thing and it's working for you. So it's always— so I'm always interested to understand how other couples are working this.

Alex: I would want to have a conversation, which is very organised again and admin-y of me, but we'd want to have a conversation when we're like, okay, so is this like a go-in all now? Like, you know, I'd want to have that conversation, but we haven't had that conversation, so that's the reason that we're apart. But we still like, we'll do like, one of us will get dinner or whatever. Like, we still share money.

Tommy: I can't even remember the time.

Josh: Like, I'm— it's so annoying. Bri found an old notepad of her, like, keeping track of, like, oh, Josh, $58.70. Yeah, what a painful experience.

Tommy: I could— what? So yeah, I must, I must have, like, I'll shout you dinner, or like, I was never keeping track. I mean, I still aren't, but it's— yeah, it's a weird time before.

Alex: I think we have a bit of that because We went on like a big trip like overseas and Hannah didn't have enough money. So I was like, okay, I will give you— I'll buy you the flights. But she's like, I will pay you back for that.

Josh: Yeah.

Alex: So there's been a bit of that, but it's not just like, oh, you $15, you know, it's like, okay, yeah, I probably should contribute to something big. Yeah.

Josh: Yeah. I mean, flights are cheap in regards to coronavirus at the moment. I don't know how irresponsible it is. Like, I'm pumped about all these cheap flights, but it feels like it's this weird time where it's like like some people would judge if you were to travel.

Alex: I reckon go. I reckon we all have the virus.

Josh: Yeah, I was planning on going to mainland China. No, no.

Tommy: Could you even get in there? Could you even fly to mainland China?

Josh: Can't even go to fucking Italy at the moment, can you?

Tommy: Italy, yeah.

Alex: And where else would you want to go? Italy, China, done.

Josh: Yeah, that's it. Actually, I remember one of the biggest fights Bree and I have ever had was she flippantly said, I don't really have any interest in going to China. I just remember being like, you know, you're so close-minded. Like, do you know where that top comes from?

Alex: Could you call my dad by any chance? He won't listen to me about this.

Josh: Yeah, well, it was a real thing because like she had a friend in the car. So now it's a big like apparently like I'm the pro China guy. Now I'm like obsessed. Like apparently I'm the China guy. I was just saying like, why not? Like, it's my— what upset me was not that we weren't going to China. It was just that like you would never go to China. Like, what about if there's something great in China that we wanted to go to? What, we're just not going? So that was—

Alex: it's so funny that you're— just because you're willing to go to China, you're the pro-China guy.

Josh: It's so low level. It's really low level. Uh, what's on— have you travelled much?

Alex: Uh, a bit, yeah. I reckon. I don't know how much comparatively, but I feel like I don't have to list it. I've done like Japan, South Korea, I don't have to list it. Europe, only a tiny bit of New Zealand, but America. So yeah, I guess I've done like, I feel like that's quite a bit.

Tommy: It's a fair bit.

Josh: We're talking to Thorno about cruises. Have you ever done cruise ship comedy?

Alex: I haven't done cruise ship comedy. I have been offered.

Josh: Is that the official title? Cruise ship comedy?

Alex: I guess that's what I call it.

Josh: Comedy on a cruise ship.

Tommy: Yeah.

Alex: But the one I got offered, I knew was notoriously full on. Like, it's just, it would just be me. Like, I don't think it would be my audience, like old old sort of, I don't know, China, like, what do they think of China? Like my dad's friends.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Alex: I don't think that's my audience. You know, my dad goes on cruise ships and I don't think—

Josh: Does he go to these ones where they just go to the inter— like the international waters thing blew my mind where it's like just going so you can go out and like gamble, you know?

Alex: Yeah, I reckon he has been on one of those. Just like, yeah, I reckon just once he's been on one of those.

Josh: But isn't it like The house always wins.

Alex: Well, I mean, that is gambling.

Josh: And so that's why I don't understand why you going on a ship. It's the idea that maybe you will win. I guess that's why people gamble.

Alex: I guess it's just they love gambling and it's like a holiday to gamble somewhere other than the RSL.

Josh: Yeah, sure.

Tommy: Oh, I saw a sad scene. I went to— I was watching the fights. I actually— what's more sad, me taking my son to watch the UFC and he's 3, or the fact I'm having enough pocket money? All the family, it's free to go places, or it's— or they were there, or it was a family sitting in the TAB. Oh yeah, and so like two kids that were like old enough to understand what the fuck's going on, they knew their maths, and mum and dad are sitting there watching the trots, like horses punting.

Alex: Yeah, I mean, it was like—

Tommy: I was like, fuck, that's so sad.

Alex: It's very sad. Also, I mean, I grew up in Queensland, so I'm like, there's a lot of that. I've seen that. Yeah, I've seen that.

Tommy: But I think what is it? So, okay, is it normalising it to the point that it— that you then have no sort of objections to it, or do you realize, like, growing up around it?

Alex: I feel like, um, I feel like that's terrible. I feel like that's normalising it. My parents weren't gamblers, so I'm lucky that I never— like, my dad's partner now is quite into the pokies, and that's the reason he might have gone on, like, the ship. But, um, but, like, I never had to, like, see it, and I have no interest in it, and neither do my two brothers. So I probably. And the people I do know who have more of an interest, they have said their family, their parents were gamblers. So I guess it must have some sort of import.

Tommy: Well, there's even like, um, remember the ads that were, you know, asking, 'Oh son, can you get me a beer?' You said you could get Bodhi to get your beer the other day. Yeah, because I'm— I remember the ads. Yeah, yeah, it was like you train the kid to go and fetch beers. I mean, I have done it. 'Can you get me a soft drink from there?' Just like, yeah, yeah. Until he's old enough to, then he'll know. But he knows. He knows what—

Alex: oh yeah, this is your 10th soft drink.

Tommy: Yeah, diabetes. Nah, kids are smart, dogs are smart, you know.

Josh: What's your preferred drink when you go, uh, when you're— do you drink when you're doing comedy?

Alex: Me?

Josh: Yeah.

Alex: Sorry, I thought you were looking at him. Um, yeah, no, I mean, I don't need to have a drink before I go on, but if I am going to drink, it's either a beer or white wine. Although the other night I had one whiskey before I went on.

Tommy: So do you even drink whiskey? Or is she masked?

Alex: No, I hated it. I just wanted to look cool.

Josh: Is it in a small glass?

Alex: It was just in whatever the bar had. Yeah, like this. Okay. But I had a sore throat. That's why I had it.

Josh: With a big bit of ice?

Alex: No, they weren't that good. They just had like 3 regular cubes. Am I right?

Josh: Do you have soft drink in it? No, it's just straight.

Alex: Just on ice.

Josh: Okay.

Alex: You okay?

Josh: Yeah. And so you would— did you take that up on stage?

Alex: No, I downed it before I went on. I had 20 minutes to kill or something.

Josh: Is that looking cool? Like, are you overstating the looking cool thing?

Alex: I'm kidding. I didn't think I looked cool. I also think no one was looking at me at all.

Josh: So you go like— so that becomes— that's more sort of your medicating.

Alex: That was just out of sore throat. Yeah. Yeah. Generally, I either— I don't need to have a drink or I'll have a beer or I'll have a white wine if I'm tired because that makes you a bit mental, kind of like the sugar and stuff in that. Um, but I'm not—

Tommy: Coke, you'll punch someone.

Alex: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yum, they're so delicious, but I don't drink them. Yeah, yeah, I reckon they're so tasty.

Tommy: People get punchy on those things.

Josh: You can't—

Tommy: because of the, the high contents of sugar, 40 grammes or 30 grams.

Alex: Yeah, Bundy and Coke, because Coke already has 46 grammes of sugar in a can, and then you add the Bundy, which is like molasses.

Tommy: Yeah, mixing that shit together, it's a, you know. I have a cocktail for punchy.

Josh: Well, I've never had an espresso martini. I heard you talking about it making it a little bit punchy.

Alex: Yeah, that's just basically Bundy rum.

Josh: So, Bundy rum is in— So, espresso. What is espresso? Sorry, what's a martini? What's a martini?

Alex: Espresso martini is a shot of coffee, like an espresso shot.

Josh: And they're doing it actually out of a barista, like they're using a—

Alex: If it's a good place. Yeah. And then a shot of vodka. And then a shot of Kahlúa.

Tommy: Okay, so you get sugar syrup.

Josh: Is that— is Kahlúa just, um, it's either Kahlúa or another type of like—

Alex: it's a, it's a non-milky version of Baileys, so it's like a coffee-flavored liqueur. Okay, it's good.

Tommy: Yeah, it's real good. I was actually making them at a, um, 40th the other week, and I had all the ingredients and had like the heads on the bottles that you can, you know, you do a shot or you just like does the pour like you're at a fancy pub or bar. Anyway, the way to make it is 3 seconds of each, or 3 seconds of the alcohol and 2 seconds of the sugar syrup. 1, 2, 3, pull it up. Next one, 1, and it works.

Alex: Did you even put Kahlúa in yours or just sugar syrup?

Tommy: Well, it was just— there was sugar syrup, there was Kahlúa and vodka, so it was like the 3-bit addition.

Alex: You don't really need the sugar syrup.

Tommy: Nah, not really.

Alex: Kahlúa is so sweet.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, it's very sweet, but You should try. We should try one, Josh.

Josh: Yeah, I could get around it.

Tommy: I like the idea of your first assault.

Josh: Yeah, well, Bree came home after having some, uh, what are they? I keep calling them coffee martinis. Espresso martinis. And she cleaned the whole apartment. Like, she— it was like 11 o'clock at night.

Alex: It sounds like something a girlfriend would do when she's passive-aggressively angry at you, and you're like, she just cleaned the whole place, it was sweet.

Tommy: No, she was psyched to be in the martinis.

Josh: No, it was great.

Tommy: No, I know what you mean. You get a lot of energy.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I could get around. I think Friday night drinks would be great doing an espresso martini.

Alex: Yeah, you gotta, but don't have too many because then you're just messed up. That's how many standards you probably only need, 2 max.

Tommy: Okay, it'd be like 4 standard drinks in one, I reckon, close to 4. I did an espresso martini pub crawl or a bar crawl up Smith Street, and this was years and years ago. And we're just going up, just next one, try it, next one.

Alex: They really took off for a while, a little too strongly. It was a bit of an obsession.

Tommy: It was the year that they— so each year there's a drink that becomes the thing.

Alex: Yeah.

Tommy: And so that was huge.

Alex: Like last year, Spritz. Spritz.

Josh: Is this an official thing?

Alex: No, just people who are cultural and cool. Yeah.

Josh: And so this year I would say it's, um, it's very early to tell.

Tommy: I don't know.

Josh: Red wine, I think.

Alex: Finally, it's time.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: No Pinot Noir, not Shiraz.

Tommy: Oh, I mean, rosé is around. Oh, rosé. Rosé is pretty popular.

Josh: But rosé was last year.

Tommy: Was it, mate?

Josh: Yeah. No, there was definitely rosé, especially summer.

Alex: He's not wrong.

Josh: We haven't had a really hot summer, I don't think, in Melbourne.

Alex: Seltzers in the cans.

Josh: What's that?

Alex: It's like, it's sort of American, but it's like a flavour with soda water, like champagne and a flavoring. I think like they're pretty—

Tommy: a spritz.

Alex: It's like a spritz in a can. It's slightly different.

Tommy: I've seen a few influencers posting What do you reckon's next?

Josh: In Hungary, they have— they add Coca-Cola to wine.

Tommy: That's disgusting.

Josh: What's wrong with those people? I don't know. I love that Alex caught herself. She's like, maybe that's culturally insensitive. But you just like, lean like, what is wrong?

Tommy: I would never go to China.

Alex: I was about to say, what's wrong with those people? But then I was like, I don't know anything else about people in Hungary.

Josh: Me either. Well, I'm exactly the same.

Alex: They like sausages. Yeah.

Josh: Or no, they do this. Maybe that's Macedonia. They do a dish, could be Macedonia. It's got like bread on top.

Alex: Anyway, okay, wait, let's, let's think about this for a second. Sangria is red wine with juice, which is also very sweet, and that's delicious. So maybe it's just delicious red wine with Coke.

Josh: But Coca-Cola, I guess, just takes the fanciness out of it, doesn't it?

Alex: Well, not all red wine is fancy though. It's probably good wine or something.

Josh: Yeah, I don't know, because we, um, my parents don't drink red wine and I've just started drinking it, and so they gave me all of their red wine, but we don't know whether it's good or not. Like, do we just—

Alex: oh, like, do you just Google these bottles?

Tommy: You just drink it, taste it.

Josh: Yeah, I think I need to do that. It's all based on that.

Alex: Add it to your daily activities.

Josh: Yeah, I could definitely— well, actually, the funny you said that, because I've got in my notes section I've got, um, at the start of the year I wanted to get into wines, and so I actually had—

Alex: He knows a good one, hey, for a newbie.

Josh: Yeah, I actually love Shiraz, which is controversial. Um, but if you have a look, it's funny that you say that because I've actually got a section on my, um, all my things, which is wine list. And so I was going to keep track of all my wines.

Tommy: Going to?

Josh: Yes.

Alex: Yeah, just so everyone knows listening, there's nothing in this list.

Josh: There's nothing. But then I've got like, I also have like weekend walks. And so I put like, oh look, Victoria's best walks.

Alex: You like to, you like to categorize.

Josh: Yeah. Have you got, have you, are you much of a hiker? Do you like hiking?

Alex: Look, I do really like it. I've struggled to find the time with comedy because, you know, I might work 3 days a week doing my writing job, or 2, 3 days a week, and then the, the good paid gigs are usually like Saturday nights, and I usually want to see friends like on a Friday night, like have drinks, and then, you know, in the morning is pretty— not right off, but I have to take dogs to the park. Dogs can't go on most hikes either.

Josh: I feel like I've got a good one for you.

Alex: You got a good one? Well, tell me the good one. Yeah, and then I'll go to that one. But I do like it, but it's also right now I'm in and out constantly, different festivals, so it's a bad time. But later in the year I would like to.

Josh: So there is this app called AllTrails which I use, and what's good about it is you can actually filter Bree had given some feedback that I should mention apps because it's interesting.

Tommy: Is it?

Josh: I've got to refine. I've got to refine.

Alex: Do we have a chocolate out here?

Josh: What's listed on here? And so you can click on the different hikes. But the great thing—

Alex: Is that a photo of yourself at the hike?

Josh: That was Bree and I at the hike.

D: Did you attach it on the app?

Alex: You should be a travel blogger. You're pretty into this stuff.

Josh: Thank you. And so look what you can do. You can go like Yarra Bend.

Alex: I've done that one. That's not a hike though.

Josh: So no dogs though.

Alex: It's a walk.

Josh: No, that's a— what's the difference between a walk and a hike?

Alex: A hike is like kind of uphill.

Tommy: My sister-in-law got back last night and she took the overnight bus from Canberra. She hiked Mount Kosciuszko. Yeah, it was a fucking hike.

Alex: I've done all these walks. Albert Park is not a hike. These are in the city.

Josh: This isn't a hiking app. This is All trails.

Alex: You asked me if I hike.

Josh: Dogs on a leash, kid-friendly, partially paved, stroller-friendly.

Alex: This is what I do on the weekend. I just don't go where I thought you would, like talking about going out to like Dandenong.

Josh: What's the difference? Why are you so into categorising things?

Alex: Oh, I don't know. I thought you would be into it. Just trying to impress you, man.

Josh: No, I mean, I think it was 1,000 steps, a hike or a walk?

Alex: 1,000 steps.

Tommy: Yeah, it's a walk.

Josh: It's a walk. It's like 300 meters. Yeah, it's 1,000 steps.

Alex: It's a steep It's a climb. Maybe it's a climb.

Tommy: It's a stair climb.

D: I reckon a hike is over 20k. I reckon a hike, it's a long distance. So like 15-20k is a hike.

Alex: It's a day thing. Yeah.

Josh: So if I did an 8-kilometer—

Tommy: Wilson's Prom, then you can hike up through the promontory. There's great hikes there. That is awesome.

Josh: It's literally like—

Alex: okay.

Josh: All right. Well, I did a 12k and an 8k, so that equals 20k. Yeah. It's good. I'm sorry. All right, and are you doing Comedy Festival?

Alex: I am, I am. I have a show at Melbourne Town Hall called— well, sorry for before, but don't worry about the title, it's mostly just jokes. They make you name these things 6 months ahead, right?

Tommy: That's right. Yeah, they had to submit something. Can you change?

Josh: Are you not happy with that?

Alex: No, no, that was the title called Never Going to China or Going to China.

Tommy: What is the name of it?

Alex: It's called Sorry for Before. It is, it was like, the idea is I was just apologising for all the times I said sorry unnecessarily, you know, like I'd run in, someone would run into me and be like, sorry, you know, that kind of thing. I was like trying to stop doing that for a year. So I do talk about that.

Josh: Yeah.

Alex: And so yeah, it is sort of, it is what the show is about, but it's not, I'm just trying to stress I'm not a big story.

Josh: Are you apologising for the time?

Alex: I am apologizing. I mean, that's so fitting. That's what the show's about. I can't stop. Basically, I thought I would stop the whole show. I'm like, I couldn't do it.

Tommy: Why do you think we say people are saying sorry? Like, why do you think it's the natural reaction? Even if someone walks—

Alex: you don't want to be a bother, you know? It's just like, you're like, sorry, I shouldn't have been out getting food. I should be hungry. I know, it's more— yeah, I feel like it's, it's, it's more a trait of women. I do think men do it as well because one of my brothers does it as well. But, um, but it was sort of me trying not to do that. But also, it's strange because you'd think it's not a lack of confidence. Like, I do stand-up, so the ultimate confidence in some ways, I reckon.

Josh: Like saying sorry, it's—

Alex: I don't— yeah, you don't— you're not afraid to look weak or something.

Josh: Yeah, well, you know, you don't care about like the status of— because sometimes you'll say sorry and then the other person doesn't, and then you're like, fuck, why did I say sorry?

Alex: Yeah, so I'm going to add that to the show. That pretty much summarises everything I couldn't, so thank you. It doesn't have sort of any zing to it really.

Josh: It's more of an observation. Rather than a bit.

Alex: No, that's fine. The bits are done. We just now need the bits to tie it together.

Josh: Oh, perfect.

Tommy: And so are you ready for your show?

Alex: I think so. Yeah, I think I am. I'm going to Brisbane. I start there on Tuesday and I think I'm ready. Yeah, I feel good about it.

Tommy: And so you're running the show in Brisbane? Is it— you just—

Alex: I've already run it in Adelaide, so I've done 6 shows in it, or 5 or 6 shows in Adelaide.

Tommy: How'd it go?

Alex: Good. Really good feedback. And to the point where one lady came out and goes, I came last year, and I said, okay, and Goes, this year was better. She's like, I wasn't sure whether to tell you. She's like, last year was good, but this year was better. I was like, no, tell me. I don't care what I was like in the past. I'd rather be, you know, getting better.

Tommy: Well, you hope that you're better each year.

Alex: Yeah, yeah. But, you know, sometimes I guess your show may not better, maybe not be better.

Tommy: And so you running the show, like you doing little bits from what the show will be across the year.

Alex: And then you get to the point where— I spend most of my year just trying to write funny stuff or things that I think are funny talking about them. Them. And then if I can, like, I'll see if I can tie them all together and come up with an idea and see if I can fit any of that in. If there's something that really doesn't fit, I won't put it in. But I find that's my method. I'm not someone who can— I don't— I'm not yet to be someone who's like, this is my idea and now I'm going to write everything on that one topic, you know. But it's all the way I write anyway about my life, it all tends to work out. Because if the show is sort of about me anyway, it's gonna work.

Tommy: If all goes to shit, just put on a tuxedo like Kappa.

Alex: I lived with Kappa, did you know that?

Tommy: You lived with him?

Alex: He lived with me.

Josh: Actually, let's talk about that.

Alex: You know that spare room? He was the one that was like, I could fit 3 of us in here. He moved in. He lived with me for like 4 or 5 months. Yeah.

Tommy: Did he pay rent on time?

Alex: No, of course not. I think maybe he paid rent on time once. He would pay it. But never on time.

Tommy: I am so glad I'm distant from those times of share house and people paying rent. The one girl I lived with, she came to us and was like, guys, what is going on with our rent? And I worked it out and she was 3 weeks behind because we— it was—

Josh: why was she so angry?

Tommy: Yeah, that was the, that was the fun. That was the outrageousness of it that she came to us saying, we have a problem. We need to go over this. And she was the one who was 3 weeks behind.

Josh: Anxiety? I'm joking, I'm joking.

Alex: We don't want to feel sorry for this bitch.

Tommy: Absolutely was horrible. And so it's like, at that point, what— how do you get 3 weeks behind on paying the rent?

Alex: I don't understand, do you pay weekly?

Tommy: Yeah, I don't know, it was fortnightly or some bullshit.

Alex: Sorry, well, okay.

Tommy: 3 payments behind. She was 3—

D: 6 weeks.

Alex: So that's heaps.

Tommy: Yeah, 6 weeks. Fucking ridiculous. It was outrageous.

Josh: I think that's your fault at that point.

Tommy: Why do—

Josh: how can you let it go that long? How are you—

Tommy: why am I responsible for it?

Alex: Wait, wait, wait, maybe they paid into a joint account.

Tommy: So some places— you've never lived in a share house, dude, so you can't talk.

Josh: I'm living in one right now with your girlfriend.

Tommy: Yeah, no, so we all paid separately. We all paid separately. Separately, which is like, just all do your own fucking thing.

Josh: And so how— but was it bouncing?

Tommy: And I just wasn't paid.

Josh: So who— okay, we don't need to get into it. I can't talk, I've got to pay my Telstra.

Alex: I assume she probably had— look, if you need to understand, I assume she probably used to have like an automatic thing and maybe it wasn't automatically working and she's like, wow, I have heaps of money. Oh well.

Josh: So what about the property manager though?

Tommy: Yeah, where the fuck's that cash?

Josh: So is the property— are they taking the money out or no? Did you look in your account and it was zero?

Tommy: So when you say—

Josh: oh my God, I understand that I have to do— I understand.

Alex: It's like living with Kappa.

Josh: I understand.

Alex: What is money?

Josh: No, I understand that the money didn't exit her account.

Tommy: What I'm saying is, if you all put in— you pay the real estate agent individually.

Josh: Okay, well, you guys didn't say that. You said you had a joint bank account.

Tommy: I never said that.

Alex: I said joint as in for the real estate.

Tommy: You're paying it all.

Josh: Okay, so I'm surprised a real estate agent didn't— a property manager didn't mention something. And it's not really on to you guys. It's not like on— like, the, the property manager would know that she wasn't paying.

Alex: Riveting as this.

Josh: No, they don't care.

Tommy: They don't care. It's, it's like if you stop paying your part of the rent, Alex, you're still at fault, and so is your girlfriend.

Alex: Yeah, actually, we have the same setup. We both just pay individually, because I, I think, because I, I have enough other— if I'm doing electricity and like gas and stuff and Hannah's paying me, like, I've got too much. I don't want to do that as well. I don't want to be like, let me, you know, fuck, I would just pay it out anyway whether they should transfer me or not. But that's because we're in a relationship. But housemate-wise would be different.

Tommy: So they don't care? They don't— they're not going to chase up the individuals? Like, you just—

Alex: they might take 3 weeks or 3 payments to notice. They might just cheque in every few minutes.

Josh: 97, do you think you will ever be in a share house?

D: Yeah, maybe with my best mates, Jason, Andre. Outside of that, probably not.

Tommy: Sounds like a nightmare. I've seen their bloody Insta storeys and the shit they get up to.

Josh: I mean, they do silly things.

D: It depends if they fix their nighttime schedule. If they can get in bed by like 10 o'clock each night, then it's sweet.

Josh: You're the thing.

Tommy: You want that in the lease agreement.

Alex: I don't think they want to live with you.

Josh: I think you're the problem.

Alex: It's knocking on their door. Just checking.

D: Yeah.

Tommy: You guys in bed? Yeah. Baby monitor.

Josh: I don't think you could do it. You've got, you've got the aesthetic of a guy who lives on his own, I think.

D: Really?

Josh: Just.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: I mean, that. Yeah. White t-shirt, crisp. I feel like shared, just like that shit goes out the window, right?

Alex: No, it's not that crazy.

Tommy: Well, you might do what Josh did. Moved out with his partner for the first time he ever lived out of home. Yeah.

Alex: Yeah.

Tommy: Which is, it's a fairyland.

Josh: What do you mean? It's just like fairy wings chocolate, which you get free if you order Hey Tiger using this. She does. Thanks for coming.

Alex: Hey Tiger.

Josh: B-day Tiger.

D: B-day Tiger is the promo code.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: And it's good. You get a whole block, like the block of chocolate's great.

Tommy: And you get to take one home that isn't mush.

Josh: Yeah, there you go.

Alex: Oh, really?

Josh: Yeah, you can give that to Hannah.

Alex: Thank you so much.

Tommy: Don't give that to Hannah. It's— unless you want to give it to Hannah.

Alex: My housemate is going to be so happy. She's going to be so happy.

Tommy: You could actually give her Give that to the dog a little bit. You can give it a little bit. It's vegan.

Alex: No, I think dogs are allergic to cocoa.

Josh: Chocolate bit.

Tommy: Don't do that.

Josh: Yeah, that's outright.

Tommy: This is why I don't have a dog. I've got a kid.

Alex: I'm never going to live in a share house again.

Josh: Yeah, no, fuck that. No.

Alex: Absolutely.

Tommy: And definitely not with Kappa.

Alex: Sorry, bro. Sorry, bro. We love him. We love each other, but no.

Tommy: Does he still owe you any cash or?

Alex: Yeah, probably.

Tommy: I don't know.

Josh: I love to get, who knows, actually I've got a spreadsheet.

Alex: I should have a spreadsheet. I need one of these apps.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you all laugh and then before you know it, it's like, hey, what was that app? The wine. Thanks, Alex, for coming on the show.

Alex: That was it. Thanks, guys.

Tommy: Thanks, Alex.

Josh: Anyone on the, uh, on Zoom?

D: Yeah, we got a message from Emily. Loving the Zoom call, guys. Such a great way to unwind this evening.

Josh: Oh, where is Emily? Where's Emma?

D: She's, she's on Zoom. Oh, where's she?

Josh: Fucking idiot. Where, where, what country? Sorry, I called you a fucking idiot.

Tommy: Jump into our spreadsheet. If you're looking, Russ says great chat.

D: Out today. Good to listen to whilst doing my emails.

Josh: And Russ works at Telstra.

D: Oh yeah, he could sort your bill out.

Tommy: No, no one can.

D: He says, I've been looking for some recommendations for the comedy festival. Festival will definitely cheque this out now. Looking forward to it.

Josh: Perfect.

D: Emily's in Ohio.

Alex: Tell Emily to get over for the festival. Yeah, it's so cheap. Get over here.

Josh: I wonder if the coronavirus is going to fuck shit up.

Alex: Come sit with a bunch of people in a tight room.

Tommy: I do. You know that they've cancelled audiences at soccer games.

Josh: Really?

Tommy: And there's a cricket— the cricket game, there's going to be no— they're still playing the match with no people.

D: Crowd.

Tommy: No crowd because of the corona.

Alex: Not cancelling my shows, that's for sure.

Josh: No.

Alex: Come get sick.

Josh: Fully.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: Thanks, Alex. It's The Daily Talk Show. You can still become a VIP Gronk. The 13th of March is the cutoff to get free stickers. Just go to thedailytalkshow.com. Www.groanx.com.au. Make sure you go cheque out Alex's— where can people get tickets? Where's the best one?

Alex: Just the Melbourne Comedy Festival website, or Melbourne Town Hall is pretty central. You can just get tickets on the day.

Josh: We've got Brizzy people as well. Do you have like, so Brisbane?

Tommy: Are you going to Brisbane?

Alex: Oh yeah, Brisbane people, Powerhouse down in New Farm at 45.

Josh: Powerhouse, it sounds like—

Alex: it's in an old actual powerhouse.

Josh: Oh, that's cool.

Tommy: New Farm is a trendy area too.

Alex: It's very trendy. Come down and we'll get drunk on the balcony, a little bit of martinis, and they do sell them there. So we'll get drunk, we'll go to the Valley, and we'll fight.

Josh: It's the dream. It's the full Brizzy experience.

Alex: Yeah.

Josh: It's a Daily Talk Show. See you tomorrow, guys.

Tommy: See you guys.