Radio, Kids & Comedy With Dave Thornton

Dave: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 633.

Tommy: Dave Thornton, welcome to the studio, buddy.

Dave: Guys, thanks for having me, and thanks for, um, reading the email that we've all got the same outfits on. We now look like we're working backstage at an AC/DC concert.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we look like, uh, we're not even— we're just tech people. We're just like, just minimalists up in the bleachers. They can't see us, but we can see them.

Dave: Not even good tech people, tell me, because you don't have lanyards. It's like, well, you're not getting into this if we're I've got to be honest, you can get anywhere with a lanyard. That is a fact.

Josh: Well, I feel like polo shirts also, like if you're wearing a polo shirt, that also gives you credibility.

Dave: That's true. I, I know it's— this sounds like, you know, an urban myth when you say mate of a mate, but I do know who they are and I'm not going to throw them under the bus, but I know they turned up to Big Day Out, they just had a lanyard that they made themselves and an empty guitar case and then walked—

Tommy: oh, that's great—

Dave: they walked through the back fence at Big Day Out like, yeah, get in there, mate. Good on you.

Tommy: What about you over the Comedy Fest in Melbourne? Can you get in? Like, can comedians somehow weasel their way in in other shows, or do you— everyone's paying?

Dave: It's pretty disgusting because you will have your pass, so that does get you into a show, but if it's sold out, they obviously said, well, no, there's no room for you. And I have stood there like, yeah, but come on, please, surely you see the moneymaker here.

Tommy: Can you just— wait, are you allowed to even go in and stand? Like, can I just stand at the door, or I guess some venues—

Josh: fire risk.

Tommy: True.

Dave: Yeah, that's exactly right. There is fire risk because, you know, they at any festival, they just jam you into rooms that shouldn't exist anyway. You know, at the best of times, they're like, look, don't let people know you shouldn't be in here. This is structurally not sound to start with.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. Struggling artists though, we need to give them something.

Dave: Yeah.

Josh: Did you ever— have you ever done stand-up in a venue that was smoking? Like, as in people would smoke in the venue?

Dave: Yeah. Are you now just pointing out my age, JJ?

Josh: No, no, no, no, no. But I'm just curious. Maybe you, maybe you've performed in Romania.

Tommy: What, outdoor venues? Or is it like—

Josh: I'm like indoor, like any, anything that sort of could potentially be problematic.

Dave: No, because you used to, I mean, pubs used to smoke all the time.

Josh: When did that stop?

Dave: When did that? That was because I remember people doing jokes about it. It was, you know, it's this week you do jokes about poo paper and plosive. It ripped the roof off.

Josh: It's great.

Dave: Doesn't it? Oh, there's so many bad jokes out there now about it. But I remember when it, when it got stopped, that would have been mid-2000s, mid to late-ish 2000s that they just said no more smoking in pubs. And we all went, what?

Josh: Was that good or bad for comedy?

Dave: Well, it was good because you weren't, probably for your health.

Tommy: Yeah.

Dave: It was bad for everyone because then you learnt what people actually smelt like. That was the downside of it.

Tommy: Clubs smelt. I mean, it was, there was a period of time. I remember the transition. It was. Sweaty alcohol. Flakulas. Yeah, but then it went to that.

Dave: Oh, it was horrific.

Tommy: It's like a kid's play center. Yeah, it's just farts and poos everywhere.

Dave: Yeah, this is what bourbon does to our insides. We just never knew.

Tommy: Just disgusting.

Josh: Do comedians, uh, smoke on stage? Was that a thing?

Dave: Yeah, that's a thing.

Tommy: Still a thing?

Dave: Pretty cool. No, I've only seen Dave Chappelle still smacks it up.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

Dave: But then you're just happy to see Dave Chappelle, so you don't give a crap.

Tommy: But like, the venues are definitely non-smoking venues that he's smoking in.

Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: On his Netflix special, you know, he's on a big stage.

Josh: He was smoking in the Netflix special.

Tommy: He's done. Yeah, he was vaping in one.

Dave: I— geez, I love this because JJ— Tommy, we unfortunately never worked together in commercial radio.

Tommy: We crossed paths though. It's in the same business.

Dave: Yeah, but JJ—

Tommy: similar paychecks, I think we're on, you know.

Josh: Yeah, that's very similar.

Tommy: So that's why we had such rapport.

Dave: It was, it was just cigarettes. It was like jail. We just got half a packet each.

Josh: They said enjoy.

Dave: But JJ used to be around and I've forgotten about this, that you have so much knowledge in some areas and absolute none in others. I loved it. Your knowledge is like if it's a roof, there's only a support in one corner. The rest of it's very fragile. It's like a dart that's about to fall over. I used to enjoy it so much. The thing, the blind spots in your knowledge.

Josh: I used to get in so much trouble because I'd always be in your show meetings, remember?

Dave: But I used to love it. I'd be like, let him talk.

Tommy: Did you work on this show?

Josh: No.

Dave: Just be there throwing stuff around.

Josh: Yeah. And that was because Fifa and Jules just didn't have time for it. It's like I feel like Sam Cavill's main job was like performance managing me. And so anyway, I would go into— you were doing Mamma Mia today with Emre Can, and they would just let me go in.

Dave: Because when you think women's issues, you look across the water.

Tommy: Yeah.

Dave: And so I was woke before we knew what it was, guys.

Josh: And you would let me in and just like They'd be like, Josh, what do you think? It's fucking great. I think it was because you only had like half a producer or something.

Dave: Well, no, Zoe Leonard was a great producer, but then like, it was just—

Josh: it sounds very rude, doesn't it? Half a producer, as in she was only putting half her time?

Tommy: No, they resourced only half of her time aside.

Josh: Yeah, that's what I was saying. Not that Zoe's half a producer.

Dave: Oh geez, you're treading on thin ground here, JJ. No, but It was such a strange anomaly, that show, because I get it, they wanted to get mums listening because it was between 3 and 4 memory. So there would be mums in the cars picking up kids. But then they, and they wanted to jump on the back of Mamma Mia, the website. But then they had the old school commercial radio thing of like one girl, one guy, put them together, funny guy who's going to do some stuff. But then you're running off Mamma Mia, which is a great website, but it talks some really heavy-handed issues. So they're like, you know, like that, like talking about, I don't know, like sex workers in developing countries and how we could— how young girls are getting groomed. What are we going to talk about? And I'm a comedian, like, Josh has done something funny with cake cups. Look across and go, please, can we just not talk about this serious issue on commercial radio?

Josh: Yeah, we had, we had a lot of fun. Actually, I remember a specific time where Jules was asking me to do something. I said, mate, like I don't have time. He said, you just spent 3 hours with Dave Thornton.

Dave: Yeah, because we had fun.

Josh: Yeah, it was a good rapport.

Tommy: And then that show turned into The Evening Show. Did that turn into another show or did you move from that show to another show? And did Josh come with you?

Dave: I wanted him to. I was always impressed somehow, like Fifi and Jules would go overseas to London or something and they're like, yeah, Josh is coming with us. I'm like, Harry! Hustled them.

Josh: Well, it was hard. I remember it was— I was on a different flight to them, which was weird. Yeah, everyone was going on one flight and I was on the other one. And I also brought my— they were like, they didn't have cameras. I'm like, hey guys, I've bought like 4 GoPros, I'm ready. And so they let me. But actually, when I was quitting—

Dave: to be honest, it's not weird. You shouldn't have been on the trip and now you've been put on a budget airline.

Josh: You got this for one.

Tommy: And Jules actually used his points to get you on that flight.

Josh: No, he probably didn't.

Tommy: I can imagine he would though.

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: He was the extra 20 kilogrammes of luggage. They literally put Josh on there. That's why he got so slim to get on the flight.

Josh: But when I quit— do you remember when I was quitting radio? I was like, I decided on a day and I was like behind the radio station pacing.

Dave: Yes.

Josh: And you rocked up in your Mini. You were doing like you were going home or whatever, and I waved you down and you gave me a motivational Speech.

Dave: You would do. I don't reckon though, you are way not the first person to be walking that block around SCA. There's plenty of people who've walked that block just going, what have I done with my life? Like, I don't want to cast aspersions on the people behind us, but you know, at SCA there, they got the two radio stations, they got Fox FM and they got Triple M below them. And then behind it there is Commission Flats, as you know.

Josh: So I thought you were going to say the best performing radio station out of them all, which is Coles Radio underneath. That's right.

Dave: That's right.

Tommy: They are good.

Dave: That's what they are. They play that like, Wests right upstairs. Nah, we'd prefer to make our own.

Josh: You know, that's like the number one digital radio station in Australia.

Tommy: They're in the same charts or the same system, ranking system as FM radio. Is that right?

Josh: Well, I don't—

Tommy: well, there's something going on here.

Josh: Well, yeah. So I think the, from a survey point of view, they look at the digital stuff and because Coles, Coles worked out that it was cheaper for them from a licencing perspective to have their own digital radio station than it was to pay the PPCA APRA licences per store. So they just play their own radio station. But if you have a look, 97, can you see it there?

Tommy: It was always a funny thing in Shepparton. We'd hear the Coles radio going and my mate and I were like, yeah, it's someone from regional radio is going to You know, like it was almost a joke that you're going to be on the Coles radio. Next minute there was a girl who worked regional radio that was on Coles radio.

Dave: Oh, she stepped up to the big leagues.

Tommy: Well, we thought it was a step down, but as we know now, it's a step up.

Josh: You're finding anything there since?

Tommy: More reach than Shepparton.

Dave: That's true. They've gone self-serve on the radio as well.

Josh: That's incredible.

Tommy: So what was the speech? What did you tell him? Do you remember, Dave?

Josh: I just remember you saying like, mate, yeah, when I was in Nova in Queensland. Did you do Nova in Queensland? In Brisbane. Brisbane. Yeah. Which is Queensland. Thank you.

Dave: Yeah, very good. But he wanted to get more specific. That's all.

Josh: He wanted some regional.

Tommy: That looks like a cap city.

Josh: He wanted— Yeah, cap city.

Dave: It also looked like I was going to the state.

Josh: No, I wasn't. I just remember you just said, yeah, mate, I've done this before. You should go out, do it. Just, I know you don't have another job. That doesn't matter. And so you were the one that pushed me. And so after that conversation, I went upstairs, typed in resignation letter template. Filled it out, printed it out and gave it to Dave Cameron. And that day, half an hour after speaking to Thorneau, Bree, I spoke to Bree on the phone. Bree's like, don't do it. Like, I'm waiting until I get a job before I do it. And then Thorneau just gave me the confidence.

Dave: And then he was my sponsor child for a year and a half. Tommy, that's what I was going to say.

Tommy: Somehow he was still in the content meetings with Em Russo.

Dave: I got a great one. My rent can't get paid. So is that Thorneau's fault or not? 13 10 60.

Josh: Yeah. Do you need to keep cup if you can't afford one.

Tommy: Yeah.

Dave: No, I did say to you, because you were at that age, what, I would have been 22? Yeah, that's quit worthy.

Josh: Yeah. No, you just know anything at 22.

Tommy: Is that the idea?

Dave: That's exactly what you do, because you just go, we'll go see stuff, go do things, go answer that question, because otherwise you're still there, mate. You're still there, and somehow you're in marketing and you're pretty sure, and you would have been a good redundancy package by now. Like, you're turning up to OBs and you're putting the signs out the sandwich board and going, oh, that's all It's all right.

Tommy: Well, if you have no responsibilities, that's the age that you should be able to do it.

Dave: That's exactly right.

Josh: Yeah, it was a good decision.

Tommy: Did you travel when you were young? Yeah.

Dave: 22-year-old?

Josh: Yep.

Dave: I'm trying to think. I, because I grew up in Geelong, I worked as a graphic designer up here in Thornbury and I used to drive that every day. That's like an hour and a half. That's a lot of Coles Radio to fill.

Josh: Thornbury.

Dave: Do you know?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you went from Geelong to Thornbury?

Dave: Yeah.

Josh: That's what I'm trying to work out. Yeah.

Dave: Drove every day.

Tommy: It's ridiculous.

Dave: It's ridiculous. And then just so I could save money so I could go backpacking, and then I went for 2 years or something.

Tommy: Oh shit, that's a good stint.

Dave: Yeah, it was great.

Tommy: The UK, so much fun. Let me guess.

Dave: Yeah, yeah, fun. Has anyone done that before?

Josh: Has anyone?

Tommy: No. So how long did you— let me guess, you based yourself in the UK and then flew out to other places, or no?

Dave: I based myself in Dublin, uh, so I mean close hours, but yes. And then I worked in the Greek islands for like a summer.

Josh: What did you do there?

Dave: Picked up a lot of diseases, I think.

Tommy: Was Nick Giannopoulos frequenting Mykonos at that point, or did you see him there?

Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I used to do. Just, I had a horn with me that just went, and then doors would open.

Tommy: The king of Mykonos, Nick Giannopoulos. He is, he's known as the king of Mykonos.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: And so, so what did you learn? What, how, 2 years away?

Dave: Yeah.

Tommy: What'd you learn about yourself?

Dave: I don't— when people say I went to find myself, I just found out, uh, I had I had pretty much a drinking problem. That's what I think.

Josh: What was your drink of choice? What do you drink when you're on the Greek islands? Because I've only just started getting into drinking.

Dave: Mythos.

Tommy: Mythos is like the VB, really.

Dave: There's that, and there was another beer. Jeez, it's been so long now. Um, I mean, it was anything I could get my hands on. It was amazing how little you could live off. Like, we were— I was earning €8 a day. My rent was €6, I think, off memory. And then I just knew the guys around, so I'd have one gyros a day, which is like— yeah, gyros, you know those, of course you do. Yeah, so it's just meat and chips rolled into a pita.

Josh: It's perfect.

Dave: Eat that, that's your one meal, and maybe some cornflakes and just drink the rest of the day. And I did that for 4 months straight.

Josh: So at €8, I feel like at that point, like, what's the point? Like, were you that, uh, poor that you didn't have the— like, did you need to work to have the the cash, or is it just sort of giving you purpose?

Dave: Yeah, no, it was just working to— it's so great because if you think about it, you go to school and then, or in my case, then you go to TAFE, uni, whatever, and it is great, but it all gears you towards, so what are you doing as a job? So you do get to about 20 and you're just like, I don't need a job, job, job, I need to work, I need to work, I need a job, I need a job, I need to work, I need purpose, I need to do things, I need to do things. But then you stop and you go, no, you don't all the time.

Josh: That's great.

Dave: You just go and do things, you're just doing money so you can go live. And then it gave me, oh yeah, you can do that as well.

Josh: And so what was the actual job?

Dave: They call it "Kamagi." It's some Greek word, which means, I think, kind of like a fisherman or something like that. You go down to the port, all the tourists turn up from the ship, from the cruise, and you go, "Where do you want to stay? We've got a place for you." And I had initially a work doing that, trying to get people in at Purple Pig. That was the campsite. That was its name, the Purple Pig.

Tommy: Campsite.

Dave: Yeah, you stayed at a campsite.

Tommy: What island was this?

Dave: Ios.

Tommy: Ios. Okay.

Dave: It's horrendous. I look back on it now, when I say horrendous, it was so good for its day. But if you're over 23, you would think it's disgusting. But I was about 20, 21, I was just going, yeah, this is the best.

Josh: You're like the guys at the airport that try to pretend they're Uber, but they're not, you know, just like, hey, come in. Yeah, you want an Uber?

Dave: Yeah, totally. I would be the guy, like, I didn't have anything else to sell, but when you're going to a developing country and they're like, transport, transport, you want drugs, you want ladies, like, it just— I just didn't have the last bit. I was just like, I'll get you in here, get you in here. And they liked English speakers, especially when the Aussies came through, they liked an Aussie, obviously friendly face or whatever. And then I worked in a bar just getting people into a bar because in Greece it's the opposite of here. You don't have bouncers. You have people going, please come in, please come in. If you want to glass people, that's cool. As long as you're spending money because they just, they only work over a summer, so they want all their money over the summer. So for the next 9 months, the Greek guys don't have to work.

Tommy: I met a bunch of dudes who I reckon they were mid-30s to late 30s, like all kind of like American sounding accents. Or some European with American thrown in there. It's like that international school accent that people develop. But it was all a bit sad. Like, I thought, look at this life they got, so amazing. Like, just on the boat taking people around the Greek islands. Then you realise that that is their full-time thing, and they've probably done it since they were 22 and haven't been able to get out, and they're locked in that lifestyle.

Dave: I agree, because it's a certain age. That's when you said, I want to pack it in. I'm like, yeah, 22 is when you do pack it in and do whatever you want to do. But you're right, you get to guys. I remember on the Greek Islands drinking with those guys and I'd always say after about 3 beers, they're just like, we are like, we're really good mates. And you're like, we're not. Like, it's good to hang out with you, but I'm not your best mate because they didn't have best mates. So they could just go, things are kind of troubling me right now. They're living in this weird fantasy world. You see them all in Thailand, dudes that are like, I'm really happy. And it's like, I don't think you are. This is good for a period of time, but then you have to go back and live a real life.

Josh: We were talking to Lemo the other day and he was saying that he had about, I think it was 56 standard drinks a week because he worked out— he divided up the 50— the wine. Yeah, which is excessive.

Dave: That's a lot.

Tommy: Um, 7 bottles or something, then you work back from there.

Josh: Yeah, either way it was— yeah, it equaled 56.

Dave: He knocks off a bottle of wine a day. Is that what he said?

Tommy: I think that's what he said.

Josh: Is it?

Tommy: Yeah, he said—

Josh: I don't think that was gear either.

Tommy: You never know.

Dave: Give up your driver's license. There's no way you're sober enough ever get anywhere.

Josh: Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess if you had a bottle before bed, you woke up, do you reckon you'd be under—

Tommy: A bottle of what?

Josh: Wine.

Dave: But then in the morning, yeah, what time are you?

Josh: So 9 PM, finish the bottle, go to sleep, wake up at 7.

Tommy: So if you, if you ate a full meal, a big meal with some chippies after, or something, dessert—

Josh: So you have to eat, you have to wait.

Tommy: I reckon there's a high chance of blowing over if you Like, I, I drove through a booze bus, stupid, when I was like 20. So you're not meant to drink at all.

Josh: I love that. I've really gotten into body language, and as you said this, thought, no, it's just like, yeah, no thank you. No, I hate yourself.

Tommy: Stupidly, I— so I drank from 12 o'clock. It was grand final day, and I had huge lunch snacks, and then I had dinner and then drove. So it was like 12 till 6. Yeah, 6 beers across that time with like 3 meals. Like, I made sure I ate more than I needed to.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: But then I went through a booze bus and you're meant to blow zero, and I blew zero somehow because I was on my peas. You're not meant to have any alcohol in your system. So I don't know, it was like, there's 6, over 6 standard drinks, it's 6 probably, you know, 8 standard drinks, 9, and then I blew zero, which I don't recommend trying.

Dave: Well, that's because they're trying to find the mean, aren't they, for everyone? Because you've got like, you know, body weight, size, your ability to consume it and like process it.

Tommy: I'm a weapon, if that's what you're saying.

Dave: That's what I'm trying to say, to be honest.

Josh: Just come out and say it. I don't know if you can see the massive erection on the screen.

Dave: I'm loving this.

Josh: Full hard. Is that what you say? Full hard? Yeah, full chub.

Dave: Oh yeah.

Josh: Oh yeah. But no, I'm 40 now.

Dave: I got kids. This is the only thing that gets me going. 40, mate.

Tommy: How's that feel?

Dave: Uh, I actually love it. I actually don't have it like— I like getting older, but, uh, I have had certain things, certain cliché things where you're like, oh yeah, I'm really tired, guys.

Tommy: Well, there's a tired— yeah, we're all fucking— you got 2 kids now as well.

Dave: That's— yeah, that's got to play into it.

Tommy: 2 kids and 40 equals tired.

Dave: Maybe I need to do the Limo Diet. 7 bottles of wine then.

Josh: So I'm gonna go peak alcohol. Uh, if Limo's the benchmark, to be honest, that's what he drinks now and he doesn't have a problem. Yeah. Um, what, what were you drinking sort of when you did have a problem?

Dave: Oh, it's just an intervention.

Josh: I said you had a problem.

Dave: No, no, it wasn't a problem. We just— that was the most I reckon I'd ever drank was on the Greek Islands because it happened every day. Like, I think— and that was for 4 months straight. I never throughout the rest of my life have I drank. Like, I was your classic. I would have been a teetotaler pretty much through the week, and I'm still a bit the same, and then I'll drink on weekends. And that's a lot less now, but I used to just put—

Josh: So on a Friday night or—

Dave: Yeah, that's usually the way.

Josh: What do you do on Friday night? Well, I don't know. No, Bri and I were talking about this.

Dave: I'm turning back on this. When you said Queensland, I said Brisbane. You're— I'm just giving you your own medicine, seeing how it feels. Does it feel—

Josh: No, it feels all right.

Dave: Does it feel like when you've got a pedant sitting across from you, JJ?

Josh: It's good. Semantics are important. No. And so is Friday weekend though. We—

Dave: yeah, 100%.

Josh: Saturday and Sunday's weekend.

Dave: I would say Friday night's already weekend. That's crazy.

Josh: Is that actually a fact?

Tommy: 3 PM?

Dave: It's a fact in here, in my gut, and it feels right to everyone's gut.

Josh: And so would you get a Friday night or a Saturday night?

Dave: Don't they say officially Sunday's the start of the week?

Josh: This has been a big controversy within the team. I say Sunday.

Tommy: Tommy said who's starting their week on Sunday?

Dave: 100%.

Josh: Our Basecamp. That's just our project management system.

Dave: Hey, this is just something I'm going to throw out without judgment. Did you grow up religious?

Josh: No, no, I didn't. I didn't. Well, because I'm a little bit to the— Yeah, well, Tommy reckons it was my mum because my mum was— she would always pick up on like if I said things like I was making a film once and instead of saying advertisement, I said advertisement. And so that film was really—

Tommy: slows the flow of general conversation and life when you pick up on everything.

Dave: Yeah, advertising's fun.

Josh: I just like to know. I just want to know the right answer.

Dave: Do you like the right things? Like, do you like the rules to be right?

Josh: Yeah. No, I think so.

Tommy: Are you worried about being wrong? Are you worried about people saying, oh, that was—

Josh: No, I just think like with the conversation, I understand where it's not necessary. Like if I'm with strangers, I've started catching myself being like, actually, you know what, what do I have to gain from this?

Dave: Oh, because I like that about you when you're at the office. I'm like, well, that hand grenade just got thrown in there. And I would sit back and just enjoy the explosion that is occurring.

Josh: Yeah. If you hear that something's— It was like the other day when we had a guy, we're talking about our internet service provider, which we actually like. And our mate was talking about scams and the guy heard scams and our internet service provider and he said, "Eh, they're a scam." And I had a moment of like, now, do I correct him and say, "No, they're actually a very good service." I decided, I'm like, you know what? I don't need to. He had a dog. I'm like, I don't need to argue with this guy. Dog. It's not a good reason.

Dave: No, it's just a— Fair enough. Fair enough. You stuck to your guns because he had cane on.

Josh: Dogs on leads. Dogs on leads. Bree and I went on a walk. We've got this new app called AllTrails. It tells you the good walks around wherever you are. And we were in—

Dave: That's great.

Josh: Yeah, it's actually really— You would love this. And so if you have a look like we were in Arthur's Seat over the weekend and so we completed 2 hikes. So we did the Red Hill Rail Trail and we did the MacKellar and Kings Falls Circuit. But anyway, uh, this one, the Red Hill Rail Trail, dogs on leads, they have to be on leads. There was a, there was a couple of dogs that weren't on leads.

Tommy: You've got a greyhound, don't you?

Dave: Well, I was just talking to you boys that I talk on stage now about rescue greyhounds, and I've found out for people who have rescued greyhounds are not fans of that kind of material.

Josh: Well, so it The dogs, what do you think about the dogs on leads?

Tommy: It depends.

Dave: You know what, this speaks to me, Eric and Tommy, of it's an affluent area, Red Hill, which means people make phone calls. You know, it's always well-off areas that like, I want to talk to the local councilman. Yes, that's exactly right. I saw a Rottweiler or a Staffy or one of those dogs that I believe does get into dog fights and it should have been on a lead. And then because they're so rich and they probably know the councilman, things get done like that.

Josh: Well, do you think that the— because I'm a triple zero guy, like I call triple zero a lot. You don't want to be that guy.

Tommy: So now I've become—

Josh: no, so I've become the 131 1-3-1-3-4 guy. Do you know what 1-3-1-3-4 is?

Dave: Isn't it for the somewhere in between?

Josh: Yeah, if it's not an emergency. But the funny thing is, both times I've called 1-3-1-3-4, they've said, yeah, uh, no, we, we deem that to be an emergency, putting you through to triple zero.

Tommy: Oh, that's good. At least you didn't call triple zero.

Josh: That's happened both times.

Dave: There was, um, really, what, so is this the start of the week or is it not? It's Sunday.

Tommy: Um, so I was at a park with Bodhi, my son. He's 3, and it was a park that is— oh, there's no dogs, no dogs allowed off the lead. Yeah, so some parks they're allowed, some parks they're not. This is a strictly dog-on-the-lead park, and I was speaking to a woman that I saw that her daughter was in the— what is it— mother's group with Bodhi. So there's a nice connection there between the kids.

Josh: They call it mother's group anymore?

Tommy: Yeah, mother's group.

Dave: Yeah, you're right, actually.

Tommy: Is that because why?

Josh: Ostracized?

Tommy: No, what?

Josh: No, I think— no, don't they do like parent— like they call it Mother's Group, which is the most progressive, which is the most woke thing. Yeah, well, that's the whole thing.

Dave: It's so funny that dads have just gone, yeah, to be honest, I don't care what parents—

Tommy: parents group.

Dave: I'm so tired, I'm so tired.

Josh: I don't care.

Tommy: Yeah, you're babysitting both. Anyway. And this woman, this old lady comes up and starts just taking photos, and Bodhi's nude. He's got his little dick out. This girl's nude. Yeah. And so, and the woman I'm talking to had a dog, and so I didn't catch on to what was happening. The dog was off the lead. This old lady's taking photos, getting Bodhi and this other girl, this little girl who are nude in the photos too. And all I hear is, can you fuck off, to this lady that I'm with.

Josh: Oh yeah.

Tommy: There's kids around, they're nude, stop taking photos. She was trying to get a photo of evidence, uh, for the dog that was off the lead, but it was— but then there's nude kids there. So I was like, so she—

Josh: like, what trumps what? Dog?

Tommy: Yeah, you can't take photos of nude kids.

Josh: Outweighs dogs?

Dave: Well, you would work around the child, you would like get to the other side between the dogs and the kids.

Tommy: But there was just— yeah, just full wide photos of all the action, the dog and nude kids.

Dave: Yeah, that's not— I reckon that's funny now. It's a role reversal, isn't it, with baby boomers' phone etiquette? They're just a bit like, what?

Tommy: You know, like, yeah, just take—

Josh: yeah, remember, I'm using their iPad.

Dave: I can let you know, when mobile phones first turned up, JJ, you're getting a Nokia 3310. And I remember having it like sitting on the table like yours is now, and my mum— so I still lived at home— and my mum was like, Get off the table like it's dinner. Ah yeah, don't answer that thing. Like she would get annoyed that, you know, like we all did when texts first turned up and people were just in it. You're like, what are you doing, bro?

Josh: You're like, Josh expects me to answer within 2 rings.

Dave: I did. He answered on 1 ring when I first called this morning and he was like, I got it, that's what I do, 1 ring is how I answer. But then every since time since I called afterwards, you've just let it go to 5 or something.

Josh: Sorry I brought it up.

Dave: Yeah, you piece of work. But, but that I've noticed with boomers how Now because they've all finally gotten onto smartphones, they're just, it'll go off and they always have it on, like it's not on silent, it doesn't go, it actually goes really loud. And then they pick it up as soon as they hear that and they could, you could be in the middle of a conversation, they're just like, da da da, texting messages.

Tommy: My old man, he's had hearing aids for a very long time and he's been, he's of the age where the hearing aids were not the big things like they used to be. Like you would hardly even tell that he's got something in his ear, right? But he didn't have them for a very for a very long time, and he got it, I think, through surfing in really cold water over the years. That's the storey he likes to tell.

Josh: That's good.

Dave: That's pretty rad.

Tommy: Yeah, it's awesome. But we used to, when we were young, sit in the back, like he'd be driving us into the city or something and go to some nightclub, and I'd be in the back just abusing him. We thought it was so fucking funny. But now the version of that is he answers his phone on loud, so it's like speaker. And he's got it up to his ear and he's walking around having a conversation on—

Josh: Does he know he's doing it?

Tommy: I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure he does. He just needs ample volume to penetrate. It's—

Josh: yeah, you can connect them up to you if you've got like— because the whole hearing aid thing is getting so sophisticated that it's just like an AirPod, so you can actually like connect it.

Tommy: It's a wanker piece, it's the old Wi-Fi headpiece.

Dave: Yeah, but it's hidden now, Bluetooth, you know, like he's working the drive-through at Macca's.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, sorry, Tommy. Yep, you got Yeah, okay, we're going for surf.

Josh: Yeah, but you can seriously—

Dave: seriously, you think you want sweet and sour sauce?

Tommy: Yeah, they've outsourced their drive-through workers to anywhere in the world.

Josh: When was the last time you had Macca's?

Dave: Very long time ago. Very long time. I can't even remember, honestly, because I think— don't you think the burger joint has kind of killed that? Like, if you want a burger—

Tommy: yeah, but I would have guessed that only a Greyhound. There's no Greyhound.

Dave: What about you?

Josh: Uh, yeah, no, it hasn't been that long. Uh, I think actually it was Friday, but as in 3 days ago, just because our cage got broken into.

Tommy: No, he didn't ask for the reason why you had it, he just asked when you had it.

Josh: Yeah, no, I just had it.

Tommy: Yeah, but why did you have it?

Dave: But tell me, you're the same with Brody? Because do you now, because your dad is it, is it heaps of maccas, or is there now like, I'll get it away from you, mate?

Tommy: I know, like, my wife loves getting a cheeky chicken nuggets. And I went down to the car that she dropped off to the— to our studio here. I opened it, I was like, I told the boys, I bet you I'm gonna cheque ING right now. I bet you she's had McDonald's. And I checked, $3. I've been to McDonald's.

Dave: Hello.

Tommy: But Bodhi, it like, it's never with me, right? Sometimes he gets a few nuggets if I'm around, but Amy and Bodhi got a 20-pack of nuggets and had it in bed.

Josh: What's the split? What do you reckon the split is?

Tommy: Yeah, I reckon he could go 10 for sure.

Dave: He's a little 10.

Josh: What does that do to his shit?

Tommy: I didn't— you don't see it as much. He's toilet trained now. He's shitting on the toilet.

Dave: How good's that?

Tommy: Oh, it's unbelievable.

Josh: It happens.

Tommy: You're still gonna wipe his bum. That's a new concept, like having to wipe another human's bum.

Dave: Freddie does the thing where she'll scream out and then just head down. Yeah, yeah, in their knees like Go crack at it, have at it, Dad.

Tommy: Bodhi holds my legs. So picture me standing, holds my legs, head between my, under my, you know, junk. And he just leans forward and accepts it. He wants it.

Dave: Go for it.

Tommy: Dad, wipe.

Josh: Should you just use a— because of all the stuff with the toilet paper content with coronavirus, everyone's saying how much just using water is like where it's at.

Dave: I'm not rationing it at the moment. I'm going for gold.

Josh: Yeah, using a lot of toilet paper. How much have you got?

Dave: Because I'm a boss, mate. We, we do buy in bulk, full stop. My partner gets that, uh, Give a Crap or whatever it is.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, that's good.

Tommy: It saved us.

Dave: But you get about 12 rolls in a hit.

Tommy: Oh, we got a box full that has probably 40 rolls in it, so we're only halfway through the box. It's a subscription, so you just— I hope that they're prioritising people on the subscription, so we'll just get it sent more.

Josh: Did you say full stop?

Dave: What's your address? This can go out.

Tommy: Yeah, so it's, uh, did you just say full stop?

Josh: Stop, by the way. Full stop. Did I? When you were—

Dave: sorry, they're all streams of consciousness.

Tommy: No, well, when you look at the flow, Josh.

Dave: Yeah, Jesus, mate.

Josh: No, I just feel like a full—

Dave: like, back to the rules again, man.

Josh: Saying a statement, then saying full stop, I feel like it's a very, like, 40-year-old.

Tommy: Have you had a heckler in the crowd to this standard? Yeah, Dave, look, I just want to pull you up on that one right there, mate. It's, um, it's brought, not bought.

Josh: I think it's good to get that shit right.

Tommy: No, I know. See, I got correct.

Dave: Yeah, he's furious. It must kill you because your life is on the internet and spelling mistakes are plenty. I would say if you're looking at a pie graph, 50/50 people who nail it and people— they're giving thanks, you know, D-H-N-X. Do you just go, that's not how it's spelled?

Tommy: Well, words matter. I was watching Pete Davidson. He's the guy from SNL. He was going out with Ariana Grande. He's just got a Netflix special that came out. Funny, very funny. But he said this thing on stage. His dad died in 9/11. He was a firefighter.

Josh: He's not with her anymore. Did you say that already?

Tommy: No, he was with her.

Dave: Yeah, they finished. Period.

Josh: Did it again.

Tommy: Anyway, so he said a joke about some guy who has an eye patch. He said he's like a porn star, like a Pirate? Pirate, yeah, he looks like a pirate porn star or something.

Dave: That's right.

Tommy: Uh, or whatever he said. Oh no, he died. He's— then he said, he said, ah, sorry about that, you know, he lost his eye in the war or whatever. He said that at the end, he put in whatever because he's like, I didn't actually know, I just got told just before I came on stage that he actually lost it in the war. And then he was like, I'll say sorry just to sort of give some context that I know.

Josh: Yep.

Tommy: But he didn't 100% know that it came from the war. So he put in whatever, and then everyone jumped on him because he said whatever, like, you know, the war doesn't matter, or, you know, something against the army.

Josh: Misspoke.

Tommy: Miss— well, he did it as a caveat. I mean, so you're trying—

Dave: I mean, you caveat bit. Yeah, sorry, I could feel him burning next to me, Tommy. Like, is he gonna— is he gonna— is he fine with that? That was good. No, but I I agree with you. It's sometimes you're just like, I mean, you know what was in my heart or what was fine, and who cares? Like, in that respect, I mean, I get they're trying to be respectful and whatever, and just go, oh, well, that happened, move through it.

Josh: What about semantics with jokes? Like, being able to do the correct order or things like that. Have you ever had specific jokes that are very hard to nail because if you don't get the exact—

Dave: Yeah, sort of, but that's easy because there's more risk in the joke, or you need certain pauses and things like that. Yeah, there's a couple of times that jump in mind, but I think it needs a bit of context to look and throw this out and then just be massacred, lacerated on the internet.

Tommy: What about like, how often you say, say you, we see you on the Gala on ABC, um, how long has that show or that set been done for before you get it to something like that?

Dave: Um, you know, it was an interesting side note, uh, JJ He gave me a challenge to drop something on the gala and I actually, I did it.

Tommy: Which one was it? Oh yeah, a bunch of years back.

Dave: A couple of years back.

Tommy: Because I just watched.

Josh: I was— what was it?

Dave: What was it? I talked about, there was a bit where I spoke about people on the internet and I said it's weird actually, because it kind of ties in with what we're saying. This was just a setup to a joke because you said I want you to drop— it was pumpkins or carrots, something like that.

Josh: Yeah, just the word.

Dave: Yeah. He just said you got to drop that in your set. I said, okay. And in this lead-up to a joke where I said, on the internet you don't know who they are, you don't know if those people are Harvard-educated or someone who rides on public transport and thinks they're married to a pumpkin. Like, because you don't know. And I was so happy because I knew exactly where it was going to slot in. And I came into work the next day with a shit-eating grin on my face, like, well, Jada, challenge accepted, duh, full stop. So I was really happy about that one.

Josh: There was also the, um, The outsourcing to Manila. Do you remember that?

Dave: That was it, that, man, that was my opener. It crushed. He told me a storey and then I laughed so hard, I was like, well, I'm taking that as my own story.

Josh: Can you, um, can you tell, like, do you remember what the storey was? Yeah, I don't ask comedians to do— I've been told off for asking comedians to tell jokes.

Dave: But I did want to bring this up. Well, to answer— I didn't really answer your question exactly, Tommy, but sometimes, mate, it can take— early days, it would take sometimes like, you know, months if not years to get your set together for a Garlic. Because you were so nervous and so green, you wanted to get it exactly right. But now as you get on, it's probably a couple months, you run it in, make sure it's like spot on so that you're getting the bang out of your buck for the 4 or 5 minutes you're on stage. But I do remember we were chatting and you were talking about you're at a house party with one of your mates. He's from Manila, the Philippines. The Philippines. Yeah. And then you were just talking about like a fight occurred. You'd, you'd flapped your jaw probably about some semantics.

Josh: Well, no, so there was a guy who was drunk and I was looking at him funny. I didn't know him. He said, uh, why are you looking at me? I said, because you're acting like an idiot. And I was sitting down. This was— I was 21. I don't— didn't drink, but this guy was just being a bit of a wanker. And so I was sitting there, I wasn't expecting anything to come for it, and then he comes over to me and starts like pushing me and punching me as I'm like sitting, uh, out on the chair. And so there was a guy, Daniel, my mate who was a kickboxer and he's from the Philippines. And I said, Daniel, Daniel. And he came over and started smashing into that guy.

Tommy: Yeah.

Dave: And then you said that, you said, I outsource it to the Philippines.

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: And it made me laugh so much.

Josh: It's a real good one.

Dave: That I basically, I just took—

Josh: It was great. Well, no, I think I took that storey and then I was just like— I think you came up with the outsource. I think that you tied it all into the outsource.

Dave: You made the actual story.

Josh: Well, I think, no, but I remember I told the joke and then I actually, sorry, I told you the storey and then you're like, I'm going to use that. And then you did the whole outsource to Manila thing. Yeah.

Dave: And then I was like, well, I can't just say my mate got into it. And I was like, well, it has to be me. And then it turned out to be a really awesome bit. And I was like, well, that's going on the gala. And then you've gotten on twice, JJ.

Tommy: That's pretty good. Is there a, um, pumpkin bit?

Josh: It's great.

Tommy: It is. It's just like a small detail that changes everything. Like it's like saying if it was a mate, it just sort of shifts, it slows it down a bit. How often do you drop out things just to enhance the joke?

Dave: Or— Yeah, because if you always say, like I did at the start of the podcast, a mate of a mate, everyone goes, yeah, well, that sounds like it didn't happen. This happened to me because comedians always— this happened to me the other day. No, it didn't. It happened 4 years ago.

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Dave: But you can't say that. You're like, this happened in a place called 2012, and you've already checked out. Yeah, this is not happening. And it's funny because as comedians go on, you start to go, geez, we've just gotten so good at bullshitting where you start telling another comic a storey and then he's like, I've heard this one. Like, you've just— you're now just working gear and you don't even know it because, you know, you're talking shit to everyone that you're just going.

Tommy: I think there's— I watch comedians and I think, fuck, what is— like, the ones that do it really great and you question, fuck, is that storey true? Because I want it to be. But you never know, right? And so, but I think some comedians probably lean on storeys a lot more.

Dave: Sure. I mean, some of them are so amazing you can't wait to get on stage and go, what just happened here? Yeah, yeah, there's those, there's those stories. Um, but yeah, some of them we just found out, just leech them off your mate.

Tommy: It's a bit annoying.

Dave: I mean, sometimes, like, talking about— you just talked about them, you know, the toilet training stuff, like Some stuff happens with kids where you're like, this is hilarious and there's nothing you can do to it because it's already funny. Because Freddie started— she's just my 3-year-old— she starts referring to me as my name. Just be like, Dave, what are we up to?

Josh: That's great.

Dave: I'm like, this is a business transaction, this is super weird. And I had exactly that. She wanted to go on the toilet. I said, put her on the toilet. And I said, Daddy will be back, just let me know when you want me. And I went back and had mates in the house and we're sitting there and she just goes, Dave, come and wipe my vagina. I was like, okay, I'm gonna I'm going to go do that and I'm going to talk about it on stage.

Tommy: That's great.

Josh: It's a slight nightmare.

Dave: When are you having kids, mate?

Josh: No, never. No, never. Bri and I have just— I was actually listening to a podcast that was talking about the common narrative. Here we go. He's fucking done.

Dave: And I'm leaving him there.

Josh: Thornhill has just crossed his arms.

Dave: Very much so.

Josh: No, I enjoy the opportunity of looking after my mate's kids. Yeah. Being the fun— like, uh, Tommy's very good because Bodhi, I could— like, we can— Bodhi can jump off things. He's like a rough kid. So we're just like— you can—

Dave: 3 is a good age.

Josh: Yeah, but like doing shit like, um, uh, we would get Bodhi on a table and then he would just fall backwards and I'd catch him. Just like real risky shit where if Bodhi hurts himself I know Tommy will be fine with it, you know.

Tommy: Willy? Well, it depends. I mean, what's a few more bruises? He's got bruises all over his body.

Josh: He was jumping on the—

Tommy: Yeah, he's a maniac. And so he won't.

Dave: Yeah, it's awesome.

Tommy: So I have faith that you're going to—

Josh: And I would be so— And so the thing is that I also think that if I was a parent, it would be— That would be too much like a project. Like, I feel like I would be like, okay, they're learning other languages. Like, I think that I would try and, uh, like set them up with all these different things that, that would end up being a bit fucked in the head.

Dave: Oh, because, yeah, okay, well, because I'd be like, okay, well, you think they're one giant app that you can just work on?

Josh: Well, I think I'd be like, okay, let's, um, you know what, like from the ages of 1 to 10, they, they're going to live with another family as well. Like, you know, 2 days on, 2 days off. With another language and so that they were completely fluent.

Tommy: And so, then— It makes sense how you talk about it, but you just get tired and you can't be bothered. You're just hanging on to that degree.

Josh: And so, what do you then care about? Like with your kids, Thornau, do you have any projects where you're like, okay, like, let's try and dial in, like, I want them to be good at, you know, a sport or academia or times tables?

Dave: Well, they're leading you as well. You don't want to be that dad. Like there's so many in sports, there are so many documentaries about like Andre Agassi's dad or— but they're all like, and they're all, they're just like, well, this is going to happen in your life and they're either going to be champions or absolutely broken. Like, I'm not running that gauntlet. So you kind of looking at your kid going, I think they'll like X, so let's go and do X.

Josh: And so what does it look like at the moment?

Dave: We're friendly.

Josh: How old's your oldest?

Dave: Same, same age as Buddy. When does he turn 4?

Tommy: Next year. He just turned 3.

Dave: Yeah, Freddie turns 4 in September. Okay, but 3 is about an age. 2 I struggle with because they would just have tantrums all the time and you're like, oh, this is killing me. And like Tommy said, he's so tired because you might have all these plans, but you just— like, look, there's a great bit by Louis CK. We all know what Louis has done, but some of the material, if you can just take it for what it is— you don't want to know. Just Google, mate. Just Google.

Josh: No, I want details. What has he done? I just wanted to get a snippet from you just describing in detail.

Dave: But it's so true, before you have kids, you'll look at a parent losing it and you're just like, that poor kid. But then after you're a parent, you're just like, what did that kid do to that parent? Yeah, because you were just like, you're at wit's end.

Tommy: The projects in the early days are things like toilet training, washing your teeth. Yeah, putting clothes, brushing your teeth, brushing your teeth, right?

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: Yeah, just the most rudimentary things that you can find. I'm backing him in. The words escape you at this stage.

Tommy: Machine brushing, fuck it.

Dave: My mate has a really good point.

Josh: Washing, it sounds like using one of those— is it a gurney?

Dave: Oh, like Shawshank Redemption when they go into the jail, it's just hosing him down.

Tommy: Yeah, that sounds easier than trying to say bottoms, top, let's go upstairs.

Dave: I don't want to do it. We do it every night, we do it every morning. My mate, he's had a really good bit. He's not a comic, it was just a really funny observation recently.

Josh: Can he have a bit if he's—

Dave: Of course he can. Shout out.

Josh: But, um, what's his name?

Dave: Dave Hunt. Good dude. Uh, works for Telstra, works better in more places.

Josh: If you're doing shouts, you've got to mention their name.

Dave: Yeah, fair enough. I did actually have a moment where he doesn't like getting his name mentioned in public spheres.

Josh: And what have you told him? He works at Telstra, what department?

Dave: Yeah, he does some great work there. I'm not even sure what department now because I clock out of his these conversations usually, but he had a really good point where he said when you're so tired with young kids, you should have, you know, the fire warning signs on the side of the road. That's where how much sleep you've had. If you've had a full night's sleep, then it's on green. Yeah, but if you've had like maybe 1 hour and like 1-hour increments, it should be just red hot. That means it's on you as the person talking to them to be extremely polite because they have every right to lose their mind.

Tommy: I was just thinking then, uh, The people use the term, you know, like you don't forget to brush your teeth. It's like a habit everyone has, or at least should have. But then people claim the habit like they've developed them themselves— it themselves. It's the parents that develop the fucking habit.

Dave: Yes.

Tommy: So you can never reference, oh, look at the habit of brushing the teeth I've formed. You don't form that, your parents form it, because it is a habit that starts young. And like you said, every morning, every night, like that's what you drill into them. So we were talking about Tiny Habits before, the book that Josh has for his book club at the moment.

Dave: And yeah, the old 21 days to make or break. You're like, yeah, but you're so right. So many basic things that you do, you're like, your parents did that and it took way more than 21 days.

Tommy: It's so true. What's a habit you've stuck to that's positive?

Josh: That's positive. Not that limo.

Dave: Yeah, there's a guy that I still owe money on my tick. That's a problem. Um, no, uh, good habits. I mean, exercise. I do remember, because it's kind of ubiquitous now, isn't it? We all go, right, well, you gotta, you gotta exercise, you gotta do that, it'll make you healthier, it'll do all that. Like, I don't want to sound like an old man, but there were times where people were like— like, I used to get called Hollywood with the other stand-ups because you'd be on tour and I'm like, I'm going for a run. They're like, all right, Hollywood. All right, big fella. Like as if it was the strangest thing that you could do because I just needed to get out.

Tommy: Is that Limo?

Dave: Yeah. As he's throwing these empty cans at me.

Josh: Swearing.

Dave: Swilling his wine. What do you think, you're better than me? Maybe you should sit this one out.

Josh: While you're trying to be Mr. Hollywood, I'm watching a movie. Yeah.

Dave: 53, 54. So exercise was the thing that I remember going. I mean, initially it's vanity when you're, I think, a young man. I mean, you're like, I'm gonna get heaps of buff muscles and then the chick's gonna love it.

Tommy: Yeah, but that's unless you're Tommy Little and it still continues.

Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if it's not broke, eh? Um, but, but yeah, I do remember putting that in place and that was even really buckled down. And you'd know this, Tommy, from when you have kids, because you do just— it's like, oh my God, my schedule is not mine. Like, like, uh, you know, other— I can mention other podcasts on this, can I? Are they competition or are they—

Josh: no, no, they're— we're all friends, all friends of the show. Which ones say that?

Dave: Oh, there's, there's, um, there's one, uh, a pro-Aryan nation. I think they're friends of yours. I know those meetings you do at the start of the month. No, Fitbit Pod with Dilruk Jaisinha and Ben Lomas.

Josh: Shout out.

Dave: Uh, but they talk about— because they've both lost—

Josh: that's a perfect shout out, by the way. Lead with their name, shout out.

Dave: Because I know, because I know they're in the biz. Before, he's not in the biz, so I felt bad about mentioning his name. Yeah, these guys are in the biz. They love promotion. Um, so they've probably got raging hard-ons right now. Yeah, having a lovely time.

Tommy: What's the name?

Dave: FitBetPod, because it was a bet that they, they had. They both had to— they're both sitting at about, off memory, 125, 130 kilogrammes each, and they had to get to 100 in a certain period of time. I can't remember, was a couple of months or something, 6 months or something. They had to lose 30 kilogrammes and keep it off. $1,000 on it.

Tommy: Just quickly, how many podcasts do you reckon have started as a way that people thought what will keep us accountable to losing weight. Yes, like it's a modern day thing, right? It's a modern day accountability.

Josh: 2 episodes and still fat.

Dave: Anyway, I didn't lose weight and I couldn't get the podcast up. This is definitely worse. I'm a loser. Yeah, you don't hear about those ones, do you?

Tommy: Anyway, so FitBetPod.

Dave: Also, as a side note, once we were talking about all this, I always find that really funny with— because people will publicly shame themselves into health, won't they? They'll take the before photo and go, every week I'm putting it up on Facebook, I want to show what my progress is. And it's interesting that they'll say— and look, I'm just bringing this up as a discussion point— so we'll go, you shouldn't fat shame. It's like, yeah, but most people I know who've lost weight shame themselves into losing weight. But then if someone does it outside of their own skull, they're like, you are an evil person. It's like, maybe this is— I'm not saying pro, I'm just saying a little bit of what's happening here is when people go, okay, I'm on now, I am on.

Josh: Yeah, well, I've taken so many before photos Yet to take the after. I just haven't gotten like—

Dave: I feel like actually, mate, you have lost a lot of weight. When I met you, you were—

Josh: well, yeah, do you remember? Horrific.

Dave: It's repulsive.

Josh: Do you remember my— actually, you actually went and helped me buy my first proper shoes.

Dave: Did I?

Josh: Oh, so the thing was, so I, I'm still back on the, um, the Asics, but I, I was wearing New Balance.

Tommy: Dave was your carer at this stage.

Dave: I think that too. So there was, um Everything that he is at right now is my fault, for better or worse.

Josh: No, there was, um, I didn't have proper shoes and so you took me— You traded life skills for jokes. No, so there was the— do you remember that? Do you actually remember? We went like Clarendon Street.

Dave: Yeah, you reminded me.

Josh: Clarendon Street, you got me to get some blue suede style shoes. I still have them.

Dave: No, I do remember because this is, this is back to my point where you would be this font of knowledge when it comes to like technology and apps and like you just showed us the hiking app and then you'd be like, I don't have shoes.

Josh: What? How did this happen? You were very generous.

Dave: That's the point. Because I didn't want to be in the meetings. That's why I was very generous with you. We had to get in at midday. We were on air at 3. That's way too much time. So I would go, I'm going for lunch. And then JJ would be on the street doing his usual. I don't have pants on. And I'd be like, oh mate, let's go to South Melbourne Market. We'll get you some pants. We just had so—

Josh: that was so much fun. We're getting pants. No, there's something good about being an employee and just being able to like, you know what, spend 3 hours. Like I remember—

Tommy: Don't take any notes, Mr. 97. Seriously.

Josh: When the radio shows were on survey break and Jack Post still had to come in to work and I had heaps of work to do. And there was one day where Jack and I went into a meeting room and spent the whole day trying to learn a memory game, like how to remember a whole deck of cards. And I remember Michael Evert, one of my bosses at the time who worked in digital, being like, Josh, You know, you've been in the meeting room with Jack Post all day, you know, doing no work. And I said, we were doing strategy. Like, I just leaned into just bullshit. I'm sure with the whole— with the shoe thing, if someone— if DC had been like, Josh, what are you doing? Like, with, with, you know, Thorno, like, you're not doing your work. I'd be like, it's all for content. Like, everything.

Dave: I mean, if there's ever a space that would accept you just saying, I've got a blue sky meeting, guys, and just popping things around, they'd be like, oh, hell, that's Sounds pretty impressive.

Josh: It was a great night. Like everything was— I remember accidentally pissing myself going to work because there was huge amounts of traffic. Normally that's like, that's a real negative. That was a whole break, I guess.

Tommy: But the difference is you were in a high-pressure position because the buck did stop with you on air, whereas Josh is the guy behind the scenes.

Dave: I forgot about all of this. And now I know why you shouldn't have children.

Josh: Doing the Dyson. I remember like the Dyson blade and using that to dry the— my pants because I had to— the show had to go on.

Tommy: The show had to go on.

Josh: No, seriously, like there was, um—

Tommy: You weren't on the show.

Josh: Yeah, there was a lot of commitments.

Dave: Yeah, because you were coming in from like Narre Warren or something.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, it was like—

Tommy: Guy was shot there on the weekend. Narre Warren South.

Josh: Yeah, what for?

Tommy: Uh, I don't know, he was a rapper.

Dave: Really?

Tommy: Wannabe rapper.

Dave: Wasn't from The Philippines, was he? No, well, the dogs are causing too much trouble out there.

Tommy: It wasn't a revenge hit 10 years later, but no, there was seriously something that went on.

Josh: But yeah, no, I used to drive.

Tommy: Black gangster, head like shot in the head.

Josh: Oh, shot in the head. Is that dead?

Tommy: No, he's in serious condition.

Josh: Bad condition.

Dave: Wow, that's pretty bad. Life-threatening injury.

Tommy: Life-threatening, getting shot in the head, mate. The guy got shot— I live in Bulleen, Dave, and I got shot in the head. A guy got shot.

Josh: I got shot.

Tommy: I got shot in the head, but I came It's gonna work. There is the most brutal footage because I was like, someone said, oh no, my mum— this is a hyperbolic nature— my mum's on to coronavirus, onto all these things. Yeah, it's usually because she watches the television news, not any news, it's the television news is seriously hyperbolic.

Dave: Yes.

Tommy: Skull, um, there's been some shootings in Bulleen, hasn't there? And I was like, has there? And I looked, there is footage of a guy who got shot into— in his car, two people got out. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Like, you see the smoke of the guns, you see the flashes. The dude got shot in the head, survived. I— it was like, it is so embarrassing for these people that shot him because they fucked it. Like, I reckon I would have done a better job. I'm not even a hitman.

Josh: What's crazy to piss, by the way?

Tommy: Yeah, you go, Dave, and I can talk. But get this, Dave, like, I finally—

Josh: this is one of the first times I've done this.

Tommy: So they actually—

Dave: are you trying to make more content? Just piss your pants here, mate.

Tommy: They actually got caught, these They were bikies.

Dave: Yeah.

Tommy: But what was the weirdest thing was the car that was used as the getaway car. So the car that rolled up, they jumped out of, was a BMW 1 Series, that little coupe thing.

Dave: Yeah.

Tommy: It had been stolen a year previous and not found. And so someone's keeping this car in a garage for a drive-by, waiting for it to do something like this. That was the eerie thing. So if you get your car stolen and they don't find it, it's like, that's how they can work it out. It could be used used years later for a drive-by.

Dave: Because I just saw this thing on Netflix, Aaron Hernandez story. Oh, have you seen it, dude?

Tommy: NFL player?

Dave: Yes.

Tommy: Yeah, man, that's— I remember hearing about— should we just give it away if you haven't watched it? Have you, have you watched any of it?

Dave: No, I've watched all of it because I'm not a huge NFL fan and friends of mine said you got to watch this, this bloke is off his rocker.

Tommy: Yeah, 2 episodes in I Googled the end.

Dave: Yeah, well, I mean, it's all there because that's why it's not a spoiler because you go, it's literally news that's out there. This guy was play for the New England Patriots, was on a $40 million contract and knocked some dudes off, but knocked dudes off 2 years before that. This one that got into the press because this guy's got heaps of screws loose, and that's what the doco reveals, all the things that's wrong with him. But, um, how was the last guy, one of these guys he was hanging out with, he was, you know, gangster. And you remember when they first had this guy on the witness stand and you're like, well, his face looks a little odd. And then they're like— and then it goes into this court case. I'm talking about this Aaron Hernandez documentary.

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: Now that you're back from the loo.

Josh: Now, like, this is one of our first ever resets. Yeah, I like this. Oh yeah. And so it's a murder. Is that what happened?

Dave: Well, this guy's NFL player's got heaps of screws loose, and even though he was on a $40 million contract, he was still— he's shooting dudes. He's like— and not a guy from a rough neighbourhood either. Grew up in a—

Josh: why was he shooting him?

Dave: Well, that's what the doc opens You'll find out, possibly because he gets hit in the head a lot. But, um, but the point I just brought it up because we're talking about shootings, there was a guy in the witness stand whose face looked odd until they pointed out, yeah, he got shot at point-blank range right between the eyes and survived. Geez. And he's— yeah, his face doesn't look great. There he is.

Josh: What did it go through, the brain? Surely not.

Dave: Well, no, I'd say.

Tommy: I mean, if we're on this dark topic, a guy used a shotgun gun, put it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger because he was committing suicide, and survived. He now is like a motivational speaker. So he was severely depressed and shit was not going well for him, and then he does that, but then fully has a deformed face, obviously from a shotgun that he fucked up the shot. And now he talks, and he's like, talks about coming back from it.

Dave: And dude, Jeez, did you think it would come here? Yeah. Do you think it would get to this?

Josh: Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's an interesting way of getting to that career.

Tommy: I know.

Dave: If only I had a hook. If only I had something I could really get on this circuit with.

Tommy: Well, I thought this is pretty dark. Like, I was thinking about coronavirus and I was like, for this, I mean, this podcast, Dave, is very successful. I don't know if you know.

Josh: Oh, I've noticed.

Tommy: But it could be more successful.

Dave: I've noticed from the wood polished background.

Tommy: Just because we got a lease that was a 2-year deal.

Josh: Does it? It's a deal. Yeah, we've got a lease.

Tommy: Yeah, we're gonna lease on this place. Don't let the lease, uh, you know, mistake us for a really successful podcast. No, um, imagine if we got the coronavirus, and not you, but Josh and I. Yeah, and we just bunkered down here. Mr. 97's got it, we've all got it, right? But we become the first daily talk show podcast that has the coronavirus. So let's hook Imagine if I'm— what I'm saying is, you only have darkness, you've had coronavirus. Yeah, like imagine if we became the podcast.

Dave: You were the ones, we can survive this.

Tommy: We did. I reckon you'd listen just because you're like, fuck, I want to listen to people who have got the coronavirus and hear what it's like having it.

Dave: I mean, I've been willfully backing away from it all because I'm like, it's not a problem till it's a problem in my life. If I get it, that's the spirit. How do we gotta do Yeah, but honestly, what can I do other than wash my hands and just keep walking?

Tommy: Well, you can't perform. You see, um, what's his name? Uh, Eric Banner?

Josh: Russell Brand.

Tommy: Russell Brand cancelled his Perth show because someone at another gig had coronavirus.

Josh: Do you think that like it's a great excuse for procrastinators?

Tommy: Like there's been a lot of people saying, I don't know if you get your comedy festival show sorted or—

Dave: Mate, I mean, 14 days to myself, I've never watched The Wire. I would sit there for like 2 weeks.

Josh: Yeah, yeah. I'm all for that. Like, the idea of being self-quarantined.

Tommy: Oh, but, but we would— the business would go under that we had.

Josh: What, after 2 weeks? If I wasn't in the business, all of it, like, if the internet falls apart, the 3 of us— nah, no, we'll be fine. 2 weeks? You kidding me? Be right, just send emails. We can ask for some of the invoices up front. Look, we still need the deposit.

Tommy: I reckon a Patreon account would do pretty well. Yeah, can you support the boys? Yeah.

Dave: Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you'd be like, yeah, everyone's sponsored.

Tommy: So where— when will you think about it? I know you said when it—

Josh: when you get it, but when you get— you're waiting until you get it.

Tommy: But when does it— when does it enter your mind, Dave?

Dave: But there seems to be so much. Okay, so there's a couple things at play here. So we got that, we got the coronavirus, right? It's the first time probably, you know, because at least now it feels global because obviously it is. So I could— can't just be held in China because probably years gone by with SARS and stuff, they just go, yeah, shut the gates, no one seemed to leave, do whatever whatever. So there is that. That's a real fact.

Josh: Because I don't— I wasn't old enough to really comprehend the whole SARS thing. As an older representative, what do you remember of SARS?

Dave: Representative? Uh, everything was in sepia color.

Josh: Yeah, everyone was smoking. Yeah.

Dave: But in all honesty, this— it dawned on me when I remembered coming— actually backpacking, coming back through Thailand. I got home and everyone went, 'Spine flu.' And I went, 'What's swine flu?' And they're like, the swine flu that's ripping through Asia, like, did you know about it? I was like, nope, wasn't on the island of Phuket, I can tell you that much. And then I got home and it came and went, and then I was like, I was less stressed closer to where the disease was without the information of news than any of you people were.

Tommy: A guy blowing up this morning on ABC Radio had swine flu, and he was saying that it's like all the media's fault that he got swine flu. I know that, that he had survived. He had swine flu, survived, and then another woman called up and said, um, yeah, the one detail he left out was that there was a vaccine for swine flu. You could get shots for it, whereas there's no vaccine at the moment for coronavirus.

Dave: He's not supposed to say this. Again, this is all the conjecture of everyone going, well, I don't know, 70% of people supposedly there's no symptoms, so he's just a carrier. That's it. So yeah, so that's 70% of us. That's pretty good odds. We're just going to go, oh yeah, this is something.

Josh: So we could have it potentially, but we wouldn't know.

Dave: Um, but don't they also say like most people under 50, they're like, you'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be fine. You'll be a big crook. But I'm just saying, there's a couple— is that combined with, as we're saying before, there's TV news that are like, I gotta chew on something, so they gotta get going.

Josh: Do you watch much news?

Dave: Nah, I kind of— I go in and out because I willfully pull out, just like, oh, this just isn't— I don't need that.

Josh: That could be a title of your next comedy show, Willfully Pulling Out.

Dave: Yeah, I got 2 kids. But, and then also combined with a schmuck who's running this joint who completely backed out when the entire eastern seaboard was on fire, but now it's like, 'Dawg, I better look like I know what I'm doing.' So he's getting there going, 'Dawg, guys, this is as important as needles in strawberries. This is big.' So you've also got that going on. They all just want to look like heroes rather than just doing the right thing, which is, 'Hey, this is a problem, we'll look after it.

Josh: Until then, carry on.' Have you, uh, spent much time on cruises?

Dave: Uh, no, but I'm about to. I'm about to head off.

Tommy: Really?

Dave: The last time you see me, guys. I feel like all this about my flippant attitude to coronavirus, I'm now— if like poetic justice has any place—

Josh: you're going on a cruise. You don't have to mention the name of the cruise, but so you're going on a cruise ship? Yep. How many people on board?

Dave: I don't know, these ones, you go to like 1,000, 1,200, something like that.

Josh: And so, um, what's the deal? So this is for comedy?

Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on there, do some comedy cruises.

Josh: And so what's the, uh, what's, what's like the, the protocol? Do you just like— how long does it go for? I mainly want to know about the food stuff.

Dave: Is it like you get on there, usually these ones they run for like 4 days from dock to dock, uh, and you get up, you do a couple of performances, you do performance one night, lasts for like half an hour.

Josh: Have they given you any information about the coronavirus?

Tommy: Paris?

Dave: No, no, I haven't.

Josh: Where are you going to?

Dave: What, like, these ones, they just go out to, uh, they just go out to international waters as soon as they hit that.

Josh: Is it really?

Dave: Yeah, they just lock the wheel on and just do doughies around in international waters. Really?

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: What are you then doing out there?

Dave: Well, then they can flick the casinos on.

Tommy: Oh, legit? Yeah, legit. Wow.

Dave: And then they just go around, you're looking out to water, you're having all right. They're not bad, they're kind of weekend ones. So you do a bit of that gear.

Josh: So you go— when are you leaving?

Dave: Uh, I'm trying to think.

Josh: A couple weeks. And so is that—

Tommy: what currency do they pay you in? It's like, we're international.

Dave: Sexual favors. You had a lot to drink, bro, so you're really gonna have to cough this up once we hit dry land.

Josh: Wait, so this is it. I've never thought about this. So this is— you see this shit on The Simpsons or whatever, but I never—

Tommy: International Waters. Yeah, I think so.

Josh: Do they have fireworks as well?

Dave: Fireworks on international waters.

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: Um, yeah, marriage doesn't stand still anymore. Like, it doesn't hold up.

Josh: Really?

Dave: Nah, that's a lie. That is an absolute lie. But I wish I wanted you to go on those cruises so I could see you go, no longer your wife.

Josh: So what's it— so you're going to, um, so when you are in international waters, what's— what actually changes?

Dave: Well, the things like that, because there is no tax I suppose.

Josh: So are there pokies?

Dave: Yes, you can do casinos because you don't need a licence anymore. Once you're on international waters, you don't need a licence for gambling, so you can just gamble.

Josh: Interesting.

Dave: Yeah, once you hit international waters, I believe. And yeah, there's— then there's no—

Josh: how many, how many of these cruises have you been on?

Dave: Trying to think. Uh, under half a dozen. It's probably like 4 or 5.

Tommy: Who books you for them?

Dave: Uh, well, these ones particularly run with the Stand Up group in Brisbane. But there's heaps of the cruises you can go on. Some guys go on like 2-week cruises, things like that, where they'll go to New Mea or something and they'll be on the cruise the whole time. But I think they would send you slightly batty. Like, I think it's like working the mines. Like, they've learned you should only be on there for a— remember, I remember my mates first started working the mines back in the day, JJ, and they would honestly be like 3 weeks, I think, down.

Tommy: And then, you know, in the mine for—

Dave: I think so, it was 2 weeks or 3 weeks, you know, like, and they'd come out for a week off but just be like, I'm not Oh, right. But everyone was getting paid so well, they're like, I don't want to rock the boat. Then I think they learned this is too much.

Josh: What happens, um, in regards to internet in the mine? Or no, on the ship?

Dave: You should never be in a mine. Where is my Wi-Fi?

Josh: Yeah, all trails.

Dave: No, um, I would love to see you in a mine, JJ.

Josh: I'd hate it.

Tommy: Have you seen how soft these hands are?

Josh: Claustrophobic. I get claustrophobic. Very soft.

Tommy: There's fast Wi-Fi on cruise ships.

Josh: Yeah, no, there's not.

Dave: No, they do have, they do have internet and stuff like that.

Josh: Good internet, fast internet.

Dave: Okay, I think it depends on the ship and whatever, but yeah, mostly like it's not— you're not—

Josh: are you gonna get credit or whatever? Like, what's the— do you know how much internet you're going?

Dave: Yeah, I don't want to brag, but when you're a performer, you get it for free.

Josh: So you could live stream if you wanted to, maybe, but I don't know what you'd live stream. You could do like, um, have you thought about doing sort of Instagram live streams, taking questions from the audience?

Dave: No, I haven't. So this is why we workshop like this. This is the great generation.

Josh: Hey, nothing.

Tommy: What about a podcast? What about like a— oh really, for you?

Dave: As in just in general?

Tommy: That's what he's— that's what he's talking about, all the content opportunities.

Josh: He's trying to ship.

Dave: This is like we're back at radio. You guys are like my PD.

Tommy: What have we got for content?

Dave: What have we got going Guys, what are you thinking about at the moment?

Tommy: Like, in terms of— so you got your stand-up, obviously, is fucking bread and butter. Yeah. But then outside of that, what do you— what's your vibe? What do you— what do you want to do?

Dave: Again, sexual favors. Dear God, someone just touches me. No, um, oh, you know, bits and pieces.

Josh: It's a— it's—

Dave: of course, it's a rich tapestry, you know. Like, there's a lot going on.

Josh: Patchwork.

Dave: I like patchwork.

Josh: Not really.

Dave: Do you do a bit of that?

Josh: No, not at all. But the lady that we stayed— like the Airbnb we stayed at, I saw that was on her.

Dave: So do you believe— because going back to the conversation about— you've got a book, have you? Or someone that you know that you reckon in 21 days you'll learn something?

Josh: So there's a book, yeah, Tiny Habits, which very quickly— this, uh, I was talking in 97 beforehand. We're trying to work out what club you'd be a part of. We've all got a club. Sevs?

Dave: Tommy's got the Adventure Club, Josh has the Book Club, and I've got the Life Hack Club.

Josh: Which one are you, uh, more sort of inclined to be a part of, may I ask? 97.

Dave: Why are you called 97? I got a 97 NTA score, ATAR.

Tommy: That's good.

Dave: It's very good.

Josh: It's the first time that we've made him explain it, and geez, it's obnoxious.

Dave: He looked unsure whether or not he was good. No, like, do you do You did pause and there was a pause then where I went, where is this going? Like, that's how many bodies I have in the garage. But no, that's very— yeah, you did pause, you felt sheepish about it, 97, which is good, nerd. Uh, so life hack, books, and what was your adventure? Adventure?

Tommy: Yeah.

Dave: So you've lived a life, you're reading about it.

Josh: Well, I'm actually—

Dave: you've learned from life, 97.

Josh: Nah, I wouldn't say that's the saddest part of this thing. It's actually the one that's got the most impact. Yeah, mine's probably got the most impact so far. And I'm also, you know what this conversation is, you've seen Good Will Hunting?

Tommy: No, I've seen years ago, very much.

Dave: But there's a great scene with Robin Williams and Matt Damon because Matt Damon's obviously a genius. That's why he needs—

Josh: In the movie?

Dave: In the movie. And he's a janitor at Harvard, but he can crack this algorithm.

Josh: That sounds good. What is that movie called?

Dave: Good Will Hunting.

Tommy: It's only one of the classics.

Dave: It's one of the classics.

Josh: Goodwill— Goodwill—

Dave: Good Will Hunting. It was what launched Matt Damon and Ben Affleck's career.

Tommy: Okay, they wrote it.

Dave: Did they write it?

Tommy: They wrote it. That's right. That's amazing. It's fucking unbelievable that they wrote it at that young.

Dave: But he grew up— this character grew up in the South Side of Boston, which is the worst part of Boston, right? So he's rough as all guts. So wherever you grow up, you can think about the roughest place, and this kid is a genius, but it was never picked up through the school system because he obviously grew up in a rough area. And but he's obviously— he's also gets into fights all the time, has been in and out of jail because he was like abused as a kid. He's a foster kid. It's all been a rough upbringing. And he rejects every psychologist he's ever had until he hits up the, the very affable Robin Williams. And Robin has a really good point with him where he said he winds Robin up, sends him to a point where Robin flips his lid. And then the next day they meet up and he goes, you know what made me feel better about this? He said, everything you've learned is in books. Everything you've learned. You don't know a damn thing. You only know it because you read read it. And he goes, I've experienced life, so you can experience life if you want, or you can keep reading your books. Now I'm paraphrasing.

Josh: That was what Matt Damon said.

Dave: That's what Robin Williams said. Robin Williams. And that made him as a genius go, he's right, I've never lived a life, I've only read a life. I'm just saying, JJ, you get out there.

Josh: I've got all trails. I've probably done more kilometers.

Tommy: You know, the crazy thing is, the Adventure Club, you actually, you actually have to read.

Josh: I won't stand by that.

Dave: No, you gotta get involved, JJ.

Josh: I wasn't gonna bring it up on today's episode.

Dave: You've got to go to EOS, you've got to go to the Greek Islands.

Josh: How do we feel about— so there's two options. I was talking to Bree, she thinks the first option is too rude. We'll see how you feel about it.

Tommy: Are you pointing to me or are you talking to Dad?

Josh: How do you feel about me—

Dave: are you inviting him on a tryst with you two?

Josh: No, definitely not.

Dave: Does Tommy need a safety word?

Josh: How do you feel about me doing another club called the Explorers Club.

Tommy: This is the guy that Dave, in the first month of having the book club, he didn't even read half of the book. I was the president.

Josh: I was the club facilitator.

Tommy: Now, so he's the dumb Matt Damon.

Dave: Now I take back the whole Good Will Hunting thing. So you're not even doing that?

Josh: No, but I'm facilitating Isn't it?

Dave: The thing is, your thing is an app.

Josh: Yeah, so I listen to Audible and stuff. The thing is, so explore—

Dave: listen to Audible, it's not a book club.

Josh: Is it not a book club? What is it then?

Dave: You have to— I reckon you have to read. You have to—

Tommy: well, so you have to read the book.

Josh: But the thing is, the books have you only read halfway there. The thing, there's, there's actually an article that talks about just owning the book is in some ways as good as reading the book.

Dave: No, it's not. It's 100% not.

Josh: Having— there's definitely science in it which I can't go into. But in regards to the Adventure Club, Tommy's throwing a lot of sort of flack at me.

Tommy: No, I'm just, I'm just saying that I, uh, last month it was a, um, unorganized, but we got there, we did a ride, bike ride. It was great. So that's good. We did an awesome one, but there was only, um, doesn't matter how many people there, we still did it. I'm not trying to spruik. I'm not the guy saying I've had the most impact, I've done this. I've— It's like, nah, we just got a club and we're just, Dave, do you want to come?

Josh: Yeah. So, the question is, so what I'm curious about, we had some feedback. What was someone saying? We had Emma, who's part of the book club. Yeah.

Dave: So, Emma said, I don't think Tommy should be banned from being a part of the book club. He can still read and also organise an adventure.

Tommy: Yeah, I don't know where I was ever getting banned.

Josh: Well, so I guess last week I'd said that I didn't want you part of it because I felt like it was a distraction from your ability to do your own stuff.

Tommy: See, I was trying to help Josh by saying maybe if I actually read the whole book, it'll inspire him to go, I want to beat this asshole. Like, it's almost a bit of a neg. Like, yeah, oh yeah, I read the whole thing. Josh, it's halfway through the month, I've actually read the book. Have you read the book? And he was like, get fucked, I'm reading the book.

Josh: Which I think it just sort of of I don't like it because it sort of questions my entire existence.

Tommy: Oh, I don't like it. All right, Pauline.

Josh: And I feel like you would do a good Pauline Hanson impersonation. Have you done one before?

Dave: Oh, mate, that was good gear back in the late '90s.

Josh: And so, yeah, well, what I find it— what I find interesting is I think we need to rework all the club stuff because we have, um, the book club, which is going really well. The Adventure Club, which is going okay. Lifehack Club, nothing's happened. But the thing is, but the thing is, in all seriousness, he's trying to find the right hack to make it.

Dave: I was gonna say, 97, if you can lifehack our way out of corona, it'll be amazing. That's a good one.

Josh: So AllTrails, like the app and stuff, everything that I've been doing— look at the audiobook that I've been listening to last, Bushcraft 101: A Field Guide to the Art of Wilderness Survival.

Tommy: He's still the— he's Matt Damon-ing this one 100%.

Dave: Oh, mate.

Josh: And so, so I'm doing a lot in regards to exploring and adventuring.

Dave: Saying that, it runs for 52 minutes, which to me, we live in Melbourne, that's one— that's half an hour trip one way, half an hour the other way. And you're 1 minute 30 into a 52-minute book.

Josh: Okay, no, you're right. No, that's the third.

Dave: That's only chapter 3.

Josh: Chapter 3. The thing is, I think that we need to open up the possibilities in regards to the clubs. So things like AllTrails, because the reason, like, people couldn't get involved in Adventure Club because everyone was meeting at one spot. What about the idea of everyone within the Adventure Club communicating each week saying, this is the trail that I'm going to do in my local area, and they take some photos and we all share it?

Dave: Yeah, but that's Tommy's Corner.

Tommy: Yeah, I know. And so this is actually organised for him. I said you should do a Zoom meeting about the book because there was going to be no congregation of all the people in the book club until I threw in there.

Josh: Why?

Tommy: I think I do. I actually organised But I organised it, didn't I?

Josh: And so what do we think?

Tommy: So all trails do we like? Suggestion though.

Josh: But so we're gonna implement the club.

Tommy: Okay, Dave said it's Tommy's territory.

Dave: It is Tommy's territory, unfortunately.

Josh: Have you been a club?

Tommy: Stay out of my club.

Josh: Have you ever been into a— in, in clubs?

Dave: Am I in a club? I'm trying to think if I have ever been in a club at all.

Tommy: You're a bikie once, right?

Josh: Yeah, that's true.

Dave: We don't talk about that anymore. I'm just You know about that because the Bandidos, its headquarters have moved from Brunswick. It was right next to Doherty's gym. That's where I go to lift, bro. And you go to Doherty's? Yeah, bro. And I love it.

Tommy: And were you there when the shooting happened?

Dave: No, I wasn't there.

Tommy: That was a few years ago.

Dave: Yeah, it was.

Josh: Do you talk to people at the gym?

Dave: Yeah, they're all lovely, to be honest. I love going down there.

Josh: Do you do any cardio?

Dave: Yeah, I do do a lot of cardio. I'm the only guy that works the cardio down there. The other people just lift, like, and it's incredible. I quite enjoy it. I quite— when their competitions are coming up, I'm just like, this is incredible. It's like, yeah, it's like, I don't know, I just, I'm not intimidated. They're not going to do anything. They got no, like, you, you run 10 metres and you'll outrun them. Like, it's fine.

Josh: Sauna, do you get into that?

Dave: Sauna? Oh, there's no sauna at Dougherty's, don't worry about that. Um, it's—

Josh: Sauna's a good 97 months.

Dave: Oh yeah, saunas are great, they're just not at Dougherty's. That is not happening whatsoever at Dougherty's. But I only bring it up because the Bandidos next door, I have— and because I live in Brunswick, I'm fulfilling all clichés there— we have a Vespa A white Vespa. It's my partner's, Nikki's.

Josh: Do you know where you get it serviced?

Dave: Vespa House.

Josh: Oh yeah, just on Johnson Street. Dean, great guy, good dudes.

Dave: And for my 40s—

Josh: not fucking impressed. I know the guy's name who runs Vespa House. That's quite good.

Dave: You can give him a shout out.

Josh: Dean, I said it.

Dave: Yeah, but you got to say shout out.

Josh: Shout out, Dean.

Dave: Your voice just broke.

Josh: Well, is that what you wanted? Is that the shout out?

Dave: Yeah, you did it well. But, um, And then I also got a postie bike. Oh yeah, Nikki bought me a 2-cylinder Honda postie bike.

Tommy: You gotta be careful, that thing will get stolen, dude.

Dave: Yeah, I know, you do have to be careful.

Tommy: Very high demand, people just take them to the farm and bush bash them.

Dave: Yeah, but they're sick. But I only bring it up because I literally will ride the things to Dougherty's and then be like, oh, I don't want to be too close to the band, yeah, in case there's a legit bikie war.

Josh: Do you have a leather jacket?

Dave: Me?

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: Uh, it's pleather, I'm from Brunswick, it's not real leather. Yeah, it's humane.

Josh: Have you ever gone vegan? Vegan?

Dave: I've got a tofu. Vegan? No, I've never gone vegan. My next-door neighbours are vegan and I'm impressed by it. But vegan, you've got to give up cheese and egg. They're two great foods.

Tommy: Yeah, great food.

Josh: Eggs are important. I'm actually about to invest in a Sunbeam egg cooker.

Dave: Sunbeam egg cooker? You need something to specifically cook eggs.

Josh: Yeah. So, this is great. So, I used to have one that was an Eggo and the problem with the Eggo—

Tommy: There's always a problem with these things. Things.

Josh: So it's— no, it's really good. It's, um, I can show it to you, but no, it's great. It cooks it to perfection. And, um, they're about $49. Um, so there you go, Sunbeam. It's the EC1300. Can I—

Tommy: can we take bets? $35 when it will first be put back into the pantry and no longer used?

Josh: No, I'm going to use it. I'm just going to start boiling every day. Thing about the boiling, you get the tiny habit of boiling it every day.

Tommy: The thing about then it's the eating it every day.

Josh: Well, I need to bring them.

Tommy: That's the hardest thing.

Josh: I need to bring them.

Dave: What are you attaching the habit to?

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: So, the point is that with the tiny habits is you've got to attach it. So, you say, after this, I'm going to do this. And so, I'm going to say, after I get out of bed, I put the eggs on.

Tommy: That's good. That's a good one. Is it a habit though that you get out of bed, or is it just an action?

Josh: No, that's a habit. You get it. Do you know what I have?

Dave: No, this just doesn't feel like reward-worthy. Like you've gone, I've just created a habit of making breakfast. Like, we've all acquired that habit.

Josh: That's not breakfast. That's— I'm gonna put them in. So what I was thinking is I've cut a gherkin, put the gherkin into like a, um, glass bowl. I'm gonna have 2 eggs and a gherkin, and I take that, and that's my lunch.

Dave: So you just brought your lunch with you?

Josh: What do you normally do? What's your—

Tommy: what's your—

Dave: what do you bring your lunch with you? But I just don't know why you need to read a book to figure out how to bring lunch to somewhere that you want to eat.

Josh: Well, what do you normally have for lunch?

Dave: Just whatever I buy and/or bring, but I just feel like that's nothing I need to read a book about.

Josh: What do you actually normally eat, just out of curiosity?

Dave: Uh, oh, leading up to here, I, um, went to Caroline's on Nicholson Street because I got my car washed there. I'm doing all right.

Josh: Right. And so you ate at the car wash?

Dave: No, actually, I dropped off to the car wash and then went across the road to Caroline's, the cafe, and then just got a green bowl thing.

Josh: It's quite nice. He's your— he's very healthy.

Dave: No, healthy during the week, man. That's what we do.

Josh: And then we like weekends, which you count as Friday, so you just eat standard drinks. So what do you do on the weekend? Do you break your sort of healthy stuff is it like 3 PM on a Friday? Like when do you sort of crack that? Because that's what I'm trying to work out. Because Bri and I like, you know what, let's just do one day a week where we just get loose. Um, but we're trying to work out should it be Friday or Saturday.

Dave: Do you need to get a book to figure out how to get—

Josh: well, Tiny Habits is helping you. It's great.

Tommy: BJ Fogg.

Dave: I think you're like an alien who is observing us and trying to figure out how we work.

Josh: But what do you do?

Dave: What's the instructions on this?

Tommy: You know, the hardest bit about that so you're thinking, the thinking is, when do we choose the day? It's actually the breaking of the habit, which was the debauchery of a weekend. That's my biggest problem. You get in tune with just fucking doing covers over the weekend. So the habit is actually currently 2 and a half days. So from Friday onwards, you're just absolutely going mad.

Josh: But then on Monday, if I know that I wake up, feet on the ground, and you've got to say 'This is going to be a great day.' That's the first thing that they suggest you do in the book. 'It's going to be a great day,' and that sort of sets off a level of positivity.

Tommy: Real Matt Damon.

Josh: And then, and then you go and, um, you boil the eggs. But the thing is that, so I would boil the eggs for Friday, but Saturday, Sunday I'm not because I'm doing whatever. My question though, we're getting distracted, when do you flick this? You say weekends, it's whatever.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Is that Friday lunchtime? When does that start?

Dave: Well, I think for me as well, because I've got two little kids at home and my partner, bless her cotton socks, she wants the kids to eat like Gwyneth Paltrow. Like, they're unbelievable. She does a very good job of doing that. And I instigate— oh, they eat very well. There's always like— well, there's organic veggies and kimchi, fruit and stuff like that.

Josh: Sauerkraut?

Dave: Genuine? No, there's good— there's good stuff for stomach health. I'm not even kidding. There's, uh, she makes kombucha, she makes, uh Probiotics.

Josh: Any probiotics?

Dave: Yes, there's, uh, what else do you have? Kefir. Very good. 97.

Josh: What's kefir?

Dave: Uh, it's like, um, it's like another gut bacteria thing, but it feeds off sugar. So you like grow it or whatever, and then you, you can add it with like water or milk. It's somewhere between milk and yogurt, like it's like that kind of consistency. And so the kids have that for good gut health. They'll have, you know, like legitimately, you know, they'll have sometimes for lunch like broccoli with some goat's cheese on it and some like organic sweet potato with natural peanut butter and you're like, this is incredible. But then I just said, right, from Friday afternoon, all tools down. I said, then they're eating not crap, but you know, we're making it easy on ourselves. If they have a bowl of chips at the pub, yippee-ay-ay, because Daddy's having some pints. So I'm kind of letting my guard down for the weekend.

Josh: So Friday, Saturday.

Dave: So Friday, honestly, at about— because we pick them up from daycare, so you know, you'd be 4:30 or so. I'm just like Dad's having a relax now. It's wine time for Dad. Kids are probably eating.

Josh: Red or white wine?

Dave: Red, just because I like red. There's no health reason for that. But then so on the weekend, I'm just relaxing, you know what I mean? We're having bacon and eggs for breakfast and stuff like that, and just, you know what I mean?

Josh: So you're having the eggs, but you're lean Monday to Friday?

Dave: Yeah, trying to Monday to Friday.

Josh: And so what do you have for breakfast on a Monday to Friday?

Dave: Bit of porridge, porridge and fruit.

Josh: Where are you getting your porridge from? Is it like Satchel?

Tommy: One of the most easy, uh, easily sourced breakfasts.

Josh: Do you put maple syrup in it?

Dave: I put honey on the top.

Josh: Honey?

Tommy: Okay.

Dave: Yeah, it really is like— I've never realised this before, but I don't think you're from this planet.

Josh: No, I just like to know. I want to get specific. Yeah, I want to get specific.

Dave: It's like you're sending messages back to the mothership. This is what they do.

Josh: Do you stop eating at a certain time each night?

Dave: Ah, so they wear normal shoes, they don't piss in their pants. Okay, these are all good things to take.

Josh: What do you have for dinner at nighttime?

Dave: Yeah, not in the morning. I just said— yeah, I know that was a stupid question for me.

Josh: You're the alien. Yeah, you're a gaslighter.

Tommy: God, the aliens working out how to—

Dave: bit of witty repartee. Your face is Nailed him. No, I will concede, because the kids are young. And Tommy, do you have the same now? Like, I haven't been a great— I'm a cook, not a chef. I'll just cook if I want to. I like good food, but if I can just— I can just feed myself if I need to get fed. Do you know what I mean?

Josh: And that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to get— like, what I've realised is there's actually a whole bit on page— I think it's 16 of the book book, there's a whole section on having a square of dark chocolate in the morning along with your breakfast.

Tommy: I think if you— I think just get you— get breakfast dialled in, actually form a habit around eating something.

Josh: But so that's the whole thing. So you might progress. So I reckon for me I just need simplicity. So I'm like, the egg's good, gherkin's good, I need to work—

Dave: I feel like— but if you add something to your plate, something's going to get knocked I'm gonna see you walking down the road with no pants on and just be like, I got the chocolate on board but I lost the other bit and now I'm not sure. Like, you feel like you'll hit your quota.

Josh: Also, what if you were to— if you were to— if I was to say, look, Thorno, I'm only going to have 6 ingredients, 6 different foods that I can have every week just to make shit easy for me, what do you think it should be?

Dave: But surely you know what's good for you and what's not. And then I'll learn what I can cook. No, no. Is that a stupid statement, Tommy?

Josh: The thing is, uh, BJ Fogg—

Tommy: that's— you're giving people the benefit.

Josh: Well, so BJ Fogg talks about this in the book. He's like, uh, doctors, all these people say, uh, we, we think that all you need is the information.

Dave: Doctors— I felt like there needed to be sarcastic quotes.

Josh: No, like, we think that if someone knows the information, information is the thing that's going to get them to do it. And his point is, we all know what to eat. We all know all of these things, but we don't do it. So information isn't the thing that makes us do something.

Dave: That's a good point.

Josh: And so what I need is I just need— just having eggs, I think that I'm gonna fail because it's not enough. Like, I need some other things. Eggs, gherkins, great. Mustard as a, as a, um, don't you need condiment?

Dave: Do you need carbs of some sort to get around?

Josh: I've, I've carb-loaded for 30 years. Or 29 years. Like, I just want to reduce the carbs a little bit, but I think like veggies— like, what are some easy— like, do you do roasted vegetables?

Dave: Roasted vegetables are easy. Yeah, chop them up, just throw them in.

Josh: Which ones?

Tommy: How does it feel talking to a real-life alien?

Josh: No, what veggies do you normally put in?

Dave: It's like you've— you're the fully grown version but the same intellectual level as my 3-year-old. Wipe your backside next time.

Josh: No, we're learning, we're learning.

Dave: So you have the, the, um, well, get some sweet potato on board, get some.

Josh: Yeah, that's my go-to, sweet potato. They're good. Then what else?

Dave: Bit of sweet carrots.

Josh: I feel this straight for you, Josh, because it's like, it's not much of a color.

Tommy: He's not even— he doesn't cook, he doesn't cook.

Dave: So there's like, does he?

Tommy: There's all this stuff.

Dave: But before—

Josh: well, so I'm putting together a list. I need to get carrots, sweet potatoes, too easy. Why don't you do red pepper Pepper, capsicum, because he calls them red pepper because he's from—

Dave: red and yellow pepper, roast those in the oven. Broccoli, happy days, broccoli.

Josh: What do you actually do?

Dave: Put goat's cheese on broccoli.

Josh: What do you do?

Dave: Well, that's for the kids. Sometimes we'll do like salmon, like probably tonight I'll go get some salmon, veggie salmon, and then the veggies, which will be what we just all ticked off just then.

Josh: I don't get too fancy, simple, just because I've obviously got to make a decision. I'm going broccoli, uh, it could be avocado. Chuck in some sweet potato in the oven.

Dave: But what do you like in vegetables and fruit?

Josh: Well, that's what I'm trying to discover.

Dave: Well, then try them all and figure out, just have a list.

Josh: And so would you just go to the supermarket and say, I'm just going to get— how do you know what to get at the supermarket?

Dave: Well, now this is getting to a point where, like, how do you know to drive on the right side of the road?

Josh: I don't know, like, well, we know that, like, because there's a right and a wrong.

Dave: But with the food, you could do anything. This is breaking me apart.

Tommy: Anyway, Dave, we'll leave it there, mate. Thank you so much for coming on.

Josh: And, uh, just one other vegetable that you'd have.

Dave: Another vegetable?

Josh: Yeah.

Dave: Um, I'm now trying to think.

Josh: I had cucumber the other day, which was— I thought it was zucchini, and I said to 97, zucchini was fucking great, I put in my salad. And he was like, you sure it was zucchini and wasn't cucumber? And I said, Bray, what was the thing that she said? Cucumber. So he was right. But cucumber, I like. I love cucumber. There you go. I could get a whole— eat a whole cucumber, no problem. Happy days. Cucumber.

Tommy: Dave Thornton, thank you for coming on the show, buddy.

Dave: I'm so worried.

Tommy: I'm left with it, you aren't.

Josh: Do you oil? Yay or nay?

Tommy: Yeah, we're getting the wrap-up from 97. Coconut oil?

Dave: Uh, no, just stick with normal, just olive oil spray. Yeah, no, just normal ones with a brush.

Tommy: Put it on with a brush.

Josh: Uh, well, you come back on and we can maybe, um—

Dave: I'm gonna come back on to see if you survive.

Josh: No, I'm gonna really dial this shit in. There's things happen, like things, uh, I told myself I wasn't going to tell anyone, but things are happening. Yeah, I wasn't even going to mention AllTrails, but things are happening.

Dave: All right, it's unbelievable.

Josh: It's a daily talk show. Uh, did we have anyone join us?

Dave: Yeah, we had Glenn and Luke join. Glenn said, um, you guys should do an OB from a cruise ship. An apology, apologies if he brought corona with him from the US. Oh yeah, we'll find out in a few days.

Josh: Yeah, Glenn came in, hopefully He's okay. But yeah, I mean, if we've got fast internet, we could do the OB. That was one of the considerations. I remember when Hamish and Andy did it, they had a lot of issues. But anyway, let's not get bogged down. Anyway, right, uh, Dave Thornton, thanks for coming on, guys. Thanks, buddy. Uh, to the Daily Talk Show, if you can also, uh, get free stickers, what do people have to do?

Dave: Go to thedailytalkshow.com/groans and become a VIP. Fill out the form and we'll send you stickers.

Josh: You have to do it by the 13th. Yep. Of March. And you're going to send them on Monday. Yeah. Great. Right. See you then, guys.

Tommy: See you guys.

Josh: Bye.