Late Night With Ash Williams

Ash: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 459.

Tommy: From our makeshift studio at the Overlow Hotel in Woolloomooloo.

Ash: Or Ovolo, depending on how you pronounce it.

Josh: Absolutely not.

Tommy: Depending on what Insta account you're looking at. Ash Williams, welcome back to the show.

Ash: Guys, I'm thrilled to be here. I'm missing The Bachelor for this, so better be fun.

Tommy: You said you were watching a show Tonight. What was it?

Ash: Les Norton. It's on ABC. And yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all right.

Tommy: Have you got Housemates?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, I watch it with Joe. I'm living with this new dude. Great guy, love him. And we kind of commit to watching things together. So he said— I just said, look, heads up, I've got to go. And he said, look, I'll save it for you. I'm like, you don't have to. I mean, it's not that good, but we're going to watch it when I get home. So he's staying up for me, which is nice.

Tommy: That's so cute. Is this the dude whose book that you—

Ash: Yeah, it is. And I still have that book in my backpack. I haven't read it. So that's the Jamie. So when I first inspected the place, I took a book thinking I wouldn't see him again.

Tommy: Yeah. So you stole from his house.

Ash: No, I was gonna see him. I was gonna see him, but like it wasn't a forever steal. Extended borrow. I mean, that's immoral. But like, I was just gonna steal it for a bit and read it and I still haven't read it. Anyway, I'm living there now, so I can return the book whenever.

Josh: But do you hang out every night?

Ash: No, no, no, no. Most nights, like last two nights I haven't seen him, so I feel like we need to spend some quality time together.

Josh: But whose TV is it?

Ash: Everything's his. I actually owe rent. I actually owe rent.

Josh: Oh no.

Ash: Yeah, it was weird because I was watching Les Norton and the guy owed rent.

Josh: It was terrible.

Ash: And the girl's like, the landlord saying, hey, you owe rent. And I'm like thinking, fuck, I hope he doesn't fucking realize. I'm like 3 days late. 3 days for what is it?

Tommy: Are you paying monthly, weekly, fortnightly?

Ash: Well, this is the thing, it's every 4 weeks. So I'd rather it be monthly so you know it's on the 15th of each month, but when it's 4 weeks, it just creeps up on you like all the time and you're always, oh my God, it's 4 weeks already. And I know I've still gotta pay regardless, but I just like having the luxury of paying it 4 days late. Do you know what I mean? Just so that I'm in control.

Tommy: Like you're a little passion.

Josh: How do you, are you transferring?

Ash: I'm nobody's bitch, all right?

Josh: No, you're showing him. I don't know if it's good for the relationship.

Ash: Oh no, I think it's okay. Like, I'm not— I'm doing things I've never done before in there. Like, I'm cleaning dishes. So I will never leave dishes in the sink because I know that I'm already going to be paying rent late. So you can't be doing too much.

Tommy: Yeah, pick your battles.

Josh: Is it the honeymoon phase that you're in though?

Ash: No.

Josh: How long have you been in there now?

Ash: 4 months.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Loving it.

Josh: Oh really?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I paid $280 a week.

Tommy: Have you?

Ash: I got beach views.

Tommy: That's real good.

Ash: Beach views.

Josh: That's really great. Is that including internet?

Ash: It's everything. It's Foxtel, it's Netflix.

Tommy: It's Stan.

Ash: It's fucking all the other streaming. What's the others?

Tommy: KO?

Ash: Hulu. KO.

Tommy: Hulu.

Josh: Not Hulu. Hey, Amazon Prime.

Ash: We've got Amazon Prime.

Tommy: Stan.

Ash: There's too much content for me to watch. So like I have a full viewing schedule. So when I leave you guys tonight, then my night starts and then I've got to watch a bit of The Bachelor. I've got some fucking comedy shows to catch up on. I'll probably go to watch Les Norton, get to bed about 1, wake up at 7, and then we're on the gramme for at least 5 hours.

Josh: Do you share groceries and stuff? Like everything in the fridge?

Ash: Fuck no.

Tommy: How old is your housemate?

Ash: 39. Good dude. Quite tall.

Tommy: He's got a solid job?

Ash: Yeah, he works in entertainment. I shouldn't be talking about him.

Josh: Why not?

Ash: Just because people don't like their private lives. Like, I like it, but some people are private, and I think he might be. Okay, I'll ask him. I should ask him.

Tommy: Have you lived with Ed Kavali before?

Ash: Yeah, for about 3 weeks, so not full-on, but, um, that was good. I lived on the couch there.

Tommy: Oh, was that— was that— which house was that? Because my brother lived with Ed.

Ash: No, it was after that.

Tommy: Okay.

Ash: Yeah, I didn't pay rent.

Tommy: And so how many housemates have you had over the years since?

Ash: Oh, not many, man. Like, I probably lived in like 10 different houses.

Josh: That seems like a lot.

Ash: Yeah, it does. But I've owned a property. You know, I used to have my life together about 10 years ago, but I think there's something nice about being nomadic.

Tommy: So what happened? So you owned a property, where was it?

Ash: Um, in Windsor, in Dandenong Road. I bought off the plan.

Josh: Is that a good idea buying off the plan?

Ash: You'd think so. It's not if the property is so small that it can't grow or doesn't have like growth possibilities. This was too small. It was like 43 square meters.

Josh: It's hard to tell if it's just on the plan because you can't actually like—

Ash: Also, I'd never been in property apart from Monopoly, which I was alright at. But I— my dad called me up and said, listen, you need to buy off the plan. I'm like, listen, mate, I trust you. And then I found out from the builder that my dad, 'cause dad goes, "The deal's so good that I'm buying one too." And I'm like, "Great, it must be good." And then I found out off the builder that my dad sold his property before the property was finished. And then I called dad and said, "Why didn't you fucking tell me you sold?" He goes, "Oh, sorry, mate, I forgot it was time to get out." I'm like, "But I can't get out. I'm in like the first home buyers grant." He's like, Yeah, sorry, mate. I'm like, you fucking dog. And so I lost a lot of money. Did you? But I made Dad pay me. Like, I called him up, I said, listen, man, you got blood on your hands, you got to give me 5 grand. And he gave me 5 grand and he told me not to tell my brothers. So anyway, that's, that's—

Josh: I don't know if they watch the show. I think you should—

Ash: No, they also—

Tommy: One of your brothers is a doctor.

Ash: Yeah, one's a politician. Also, fuck off.

Tommy: And, um, and so did you live in the property in Windsor?

Ash: Yeah, you had to. It's the law.

Tommy: Oh, the first 6 months, it was that, whether you did or not?

Ash: No, I did. No, no, absolutely, bro. I was working at Nova full-time. I was a full-time employee. I had like—

Josh: How many months?

Ash: At Nova?

Josh: No, how many months were you in the property?

Ash: 18 months.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: Which was the minimum for the phone first home owners?

Ash: No, I think you had to do like 6 months or 12 months, but I was enjoying living there. It was good. I had Lockie Hume living next door.

Josh: What sort of furniture did you buy off the plan?

Tommy: Hang on, did Lockie Hume buy off the plan or he owned a house next to it?

Ash: He's renting and he's still still rents that same place, hasn't changed. It's like really dark in there. And like literally, like not, I suppose figuratively as well. But so, but no, but no, I was cashed up, man. I bought a couch worth $2,500 custom made 'cause my place was so small. My stepmom said, I'm gonna send an interior decorator around to your house and we're gonna get like a fucking chaise lounge that's custom made. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the bill came and it was $2,500.

Josh: $2,500 on the grand scheme of furniture is not crazy.

Tommy: But when you bought a miniature couch.

Josh: Yeah. I mean, it's tiny.

Tommy: It's tiny. It's a place that no one else wants.

Josh: Tiny homes are big nowadays. I don't know if you've heard of tiny, the tiny home movement.

Ash: Caravans?

Tommy: It's sort of like— Small houses.

Ash: Taxi boxes? Have you seen those taxi boxes?

Josh: Is that just a storage unit?

Tommy: No, that's storage.

Ash: People are living in them. I saw, no, seriously, I saw a dude walk out of one. In Bondi the other day. He was definitely living in there.

Tommy: You reckon?

Ash: Yeah, it was like a couch and shit, and it was a good setup.

Josh: Shipping containers. Next week I'm staying at some place in Daylesford, and it's not that cheap, but it's a shipping container, which seems like—

Ash: yeah, well, that is fashionable. Like, they're like— my mate's doing that. You guys know Rhys Ulrich? Yeah, who was on— do you know him personally?

Tommy: Uh, just say hello when he's in, uh, when I see him in St Kilda.

Ash: Oh, so you know him?

Tommy: Well, I've just known him from the years. I met him when I was red carpet reporting and he'd won the, um, he won Australia's Next Top Model. Australia's Next Top Model.

Ash: And he's got a bunch of beautiful kids and he's got beautiful hair.

Josh: So you're best mates?

Ash: Yeah, you would say you're mates.

Tommy: If I saw him, I'd say, hey, Rhys.

Ash: Long storey short, you're mates.

Josh: What would he say back?

Tommy: Hey, mate. He might not even know my name.

Ash: That's actually a really good impersonation.

Tommy: Actually, no, no, no.

Ash: That was spot on. I'm not even fucking with you.

Tommy: He's a lovely guy.

Ash: You got the tone perfect. So he's redoing, um, containers at the moment. So he's essentially, um, what do you call it when you're flipping, flipping, flipping? He's flipping fucking containers.

Tommy: He's flipping and throwing shackers. He surfs too, a lot.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: And so you, you were in the apartment for 18 months. Any problems? Because we're renting at the moment and these big apartments— uh, Bree, my girlfriend.

Ash: So you guys are still together?

Josh: Yes. Yeah, yeah, no, it's all going really well.

Ash: It's driving me—

Josh: No, but there's been a whistling sound in our apartment block.

Tommy: Right.

Josh: And there seems to be just these apartments all have some fucking problem. Every apartment block has something. In Sydney, it seems like they're falling down at the moment.

Tommy: That was one thing on the news.

Josh: No, well, I don't care.

Tommy: Near Olympic Park, there was a huge crack in one of these big buildings.

Ash: Oh yeah, that's the— yeah, that Opal building.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, bad luck. It was massive. I mean, you see, it was like a big opal on the top. It was like, it was never gonna work. It was like, just fucking science isn't gonna back that up.

Josh: Do you know what an ovolo is though? Uh, or going not on opal, but ovolo. Do you know what an ovolo is?

Ash: Do I know? Are they paying for this, by the way? Is this a branded thing?

Josh: No, this isn't paid.

Ash: Because I want at least $20 if it is. Um, I guess ovolo is, it's a, it's a gem. It's a gem of something. It's like a fucking egg.

Josh: It's an— yeah, it's an egg, isn't it, in French?

Tommy: Well, Mr. 97's pulled it up.

Ash: A rounded convex molding.

Josh: Hmm, really?

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: Oh yeah, well, convex is out.

Tommy: Yeah, so it is an egg.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

Josh: It's cool. So the, the apartment was small.

Ash: Yeah, we talked about the apartment a lot. Um, I would have, uh, studied it. I haven't spoken about this for a while. Um, no, that was really small and like, um Oh yeah, I had some good times in there. Like, I remember I used to sell things and, um, when— because I moved out of there because I moved to LA because I was working— I don't know if you guys know this, but I was working, um, out at the gym with Josh Lawson. And Josh Lawson's like, I've got a ticket to the red carpet at the Oscars if you, if you want to go. Like, the gifting lounge, not the actual Oscars, the gifting lounge. You get like, um, half-price jet skis and like 50% off trips to Hawaii and stuff, you know. You get the fucking—

Josh: so it's good info.

Ash: You get the goodie bags, but it's 50% off, so you get some like free Swarovski kind of thing.

Tommy: You pay for the— pay for anything?

Josh: Yeah, it's a goodie bag.

Ash: It's a goodie bag for celebrities.

Josh: Melbourne, the Melbourne show.

Tommy: I've heard about it. You're missing the point.

Ash: You're missing the point. It's a big deal. You're not pumping it up enough.

Josh: You have to pay money?

Ash: No, no, this is for people invited only.

Josh: To, uh, to buy?

Ash: To the Oscars, mate.

Josh: All right.

Ash: So then I'm like, you know what, this is a wonderful opportunity. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to LA. And I, the next day I called the, what if not the landlord, but my real estate agent. I said, listen, put my market, put my property on the market. I'm going to LA. So then I got a tenant the next day.

Josh: But you're going for?

Ash: For the gifting lounge.

Josh: Yeah, not a reason to sell the property.

Ash: No, it was, 'cause at this stage I'd been fired from Nova. So I was like, was that in disgrace or what was sort of— I was on 2 warnings and we kind of both, you know, I knew that if I got my 3rd I wouldn't get— I got paid out actually.

Josh: It's pretty good. So it was like a redundancy sort of—

Ash: it wasn't, it wasn't a redundancy. That sounds so depressing. But, um, no, no, I got— I remember they said, because I thought I wasn't going to get anything, and they said to me like, um, because they were getting a new team and I was like, you know what you're doing there? I was basically like Dino on their show. Yeah, on Chris and Simon Brownie.

Tommy: You weren't a DJ?

Ash: No, no, no. I was like involved with using tape and all that.

Tommy: You were panelling?

Ash: I was panelling, but I was telling stories. So I'd have a segment each morning, which was nice. And then—

Tommy: On Ed's show? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: So that's how Ed and I became close on that show. And then, you know, you bite off more than you can chew. And I said to the— well, I think I might have said to the boss, I said, I get my own fucking show or I walk or some shit.

Josh: I don't know.

Ash: And then like, they're like, oh man, That'd be great, actually. And I'm like, what? And then I think they said, listen, we'll, you know—

Josh: How many weeks pay was it?

Ash: It was like $18,000, $19,000. And I was like, I'm the richest motherfucker in the building.

Tommy: Is it just a lump sum dropped into your account?

Ash: Yeah, I think so. It was massive. And then I was just like, this is so sick. And I remember just sitting there at the cafe afterwards thinking, I've done it.

Josh: I've got fired.

Ash: And then I was like, now I've just got to spend it. So then I just, then I went to LA.

Josh: So you sold the apartment then?

Ash: Didn't sell the apartment, kept it there as a backup plan, was renting it out at a loss, which was—

Tommy: What was your rental yield?

Ash: I don't know, bro. I think it was like, I was losing at least $1,000 a quarter, I think. And then went to LA, blah, blah, blah. Um, and we went out, me and Josh, the night before the gifting lounge and we got so drunk that we actually missed the gifting lounge.

Josh: So no 50% off jet skis.

Ash: No, but then I stayed there. I loved LA so much that I stayed there, sold the property, blah blah blah, the rest is history.

Josh: Was the Aussie dollar good?

Ash: It was the best. Yeah, it was the best it's ever been. No, no, it was overpowered.

Josh: Oh shit, 2012?

Ash: No, no, yeah, yeah, 2012.

Josh: It was early 2012.

Tommy: I went there and I remember paying for dinner and people giving me cash and it was like I was almost profiting more.

Ash: Yeah, no, no, it was unbelievable. It was already cheap.

Tommy: It was like a little bit over.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: It was like, yeah, $1.02 or something.

Ash: It was good. No, no, no, no, no, it was better than that.

Josh: Better?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I remember paying for a burrito and it was like $3, like Australian. I was like, this is it. I can retire on like, I had like at that stage $15,000 in the bank. And I was like, I'm gonna be able to retire, but I couldn't. Again, I just got too cocky with the money. I was just buying everyone drinks and shots, everyone. And then I lost a lot of iPhones.

Tommy: So you're generous?

Josh: Are you generous?

Ash: I'm very generous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I've got— I'm trying to be less generous. When I've got the cash, I like everyone to have a good time and, you know, let's spend it. You know what I mean?

Josh: Yeah. It makes sense.

Ash: When it's not, you can't spend it all the time. I'm slowly learning.

Tommy: You got your buckets set up?

Ash: No, no, no. Don't do the buckets. I know you're a big bucket dude, Barefoot Investor.

Josh: Did everything work out with you and Barefoot?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, it's all good. Um, I think we spoke about this last time. Yeah, we're fine. There was, uh, he blocked me on Twitter for a bit, but we don't know why.

Tommy: It could have been accidental.

Josh: It's a two-click process.

Ash: Who are you blocking?

Josh: I'm not blocking anyone. I got off Twitter.

Ash: Oh, that's smart actually.

Tommy: Are you a block guy? Have you blocked a bunch of people?

Ash: No, I'm not a blocker, I'm a muter.

Tommy: Okay, so you're still great, aren't they?

Ash: Mute is the best.

Tommy: Mute is the— it's the It's the block without the repercussions of a block.

Josh: It's the passive-aggressive because when the fuckers are looking at their Insta storeys and seeing who's viewing it, Ash Williams is viewing it.

Ash: So who the fuck— do you do that?

Josh: Oh, absolutely.

Ash: Oh my God.

Josh: I've done it before.

Ash: All right, no, see, do you do that, Tommy?

Josh: Mate, I've stopped doing it.

Ash: You can't do it, it's not healthy. Nah, it's not good. You can't be looking at who's—

Tommy: I mean, if you spend time in your what your friends are watching or The Explore feature, whatever. Explore feature?

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: You've got too much time on your hands and your mental health is suffering.

Ash: Yeah, you shouldn't be looking at any of that. You shouldn't be looking at who's viewing your stuff, who's liking your stuff. You shouldn't really even be looking at who's commenting.

Josh: Do you write back to people?

Ash: You shouldn't. I do. So I look at the comments and I try and like, you know, whack 'em an emoji, just trying to get my post viral. It doesn't work. No, no, no, I've got a mate who is like that though. He'll call me up. We're not talking at the moment, but he's like—

Josh: Who is it?

Ash: I can't say.

Tommy: Who else, mate?

Ash: Isn't that—

Josh: Is he in entertainment?

Ash: He likes to say he is, but he's not. And he's like, "Yo, mate, you haven't been viewing my stories." I said, "I beg your pardon?" He's like, "Yeah, it's been like months." And I'm like, "What the fuck? What the fuck's wrong with you? You're 35." Stop it. So anyway, um, yeah, you don't— don't look at that.

Josh: Yeah, uh, when we were coming to Sydney, we went to the lounge. I've got gold status with Velocity. Oh, and so Tommy and Mr. 97 and myself went to the lounge. The thing is that gold status only gets you one, uh, person into the lounge. Yeah. Do you think you'd be the type of person that would be able to convince them to give you an extra person?

Ash: Ah, yeah, you have a crack, but you need to have a story, you know, pre— like, done, pre-programmed. Like, you all need to be in on it.

Josh: Yeah, what was the storey that I— mine was a bit sort of— I was flailing a bit.

Ash: No, but if you then fucking pass the baton to Mr. 97, right? Yeah, Mr. 97's our, um, whatever he is. He's like a fucking cameraman extraordinaire. And then like She goes, "Oh, where's your camera?" And you say something like, "What?

Josh: I don't have a camera." Write the whole story.

Tommy: The reality is it's never been harder to talk your way into anything to do with airlines. Upgrades, lounges.

Josh: Cockpits.

Tommy: 2012, I remember when I went to LA.

Josh: Good year. 2012.

Tommy: Great year. I went to LA for the first time and I was so hungover. I'm going in, I'm like, "I'm gonna try and get into the Qantas lounge." I just walked up and I used this excuse of, oh, I had one of these passes. 'Cause back in the day they were paper. And so you could get given one by a PR person and you could swipe it and you get in. Ticket, ticket into the lounge. And I just spoke to this woman. I was like, look, I forgot it at home. And she let me in. I've tried it since. I tried it with my pregnant wife when we were going on our honeymoon and they were just like, nah, nah. What's the best thing you've talked your way into?

Ash: Just, can we just touch on 2012? Because it was a magnificent year. Yeah, it's one of the best years. Yeah, unbelievable. I don't know if it has anything to do with our age. Like Mr. 97, was 2012 good for you?

Tommy: How old were you?

Josh: He was just telling us he just finished primary school.

Ash: Yeah, I was starting high school in 2012. That's terrible. You know, it's not as good for you, but 2012, just the music was awesome.

Josh: What was the music?

Tommy: A lot of Calvin Harris. Calvin Harris's album, Just Drop.

Ash: Bounce was around. I think it was 2013, but You had some rippers.

Tommy: Uh, I saw Calvin Harris in Vegas in 2012.

Josh: I think we all were in the US for a decent chunk of 2012.

Tommy: I got there twice. I mean, you were living there.

Ash: Yeah, yeah. Foster the People was big. Um, Rihanna was, uh, teaming up with, uh, Coldplay a bit.

Tommy: Hold up, drink.

Ash: Yeah, no, no, seriously, fantastic. But, um, you know that one. Anyway, I'm not gonna answer your question though, but, but I just remembered something with my apartment Mate, why do you want to talk so much about these things? No, because I just remembered it. Because this is what I wanted to say. So when I was moving out to go to LA, I wanted to sell all of my stuff, right? But I knew everyone in the apartment complex. Like, I'd slept with quite a lot of people.

Josh: Is it true that you have to kiss on the first date as a rule?

Ash: If you live If— what do you mean? If you live—

Josh: is that a rule that you have? If you're on a first date, you have to kiss?

Ash: Oh, right, just in general. Not if you live in the same building. Um, yeah, I mean, it's ideal. You can't force it though, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to get consent.

Josh: So have you gotten to ask?

Ash: Sometimes.

Josh: What do you say?

Ash: You know, I was on a date the other day and I said to the girl, um, I said, um, love to give you a kiss. And she said, that's, that's actually really lovely. You know, most guys don't ask.

Josh: Did you ask? What did you say?

Ash: No, no, I said, I said, I want to kiss you. You know what, fuck it. No one listens to this. Yeah, so then it's like, yeah, I, uh, I don't know if you're getting calls from my brothers too. Dad, give me 5 grand. Um, but, um, so I went in for— because a girl likes to be kissed organically, you know what I mean? If you don't wanna ask, asking is cheating. It's like on fucking Mario Kart when you jump the walls, you don't wanna do that, you wanna win. Actually, take all this out, you don't wanna win, that's the wrong terminology. You want it to be natural. So I went for a walk with this girl and I went to give her a kiss and it just wasn't quite there. And then I thought, geez, I really would love to kiss her, I thought to myself and I thought, you know what?

Josh: Wait, how close did you get? Can you show Tommy your head?

Tommy: Just like the back of my neck.

Ash: Don't pull back.

Tommy: Just the back of my neck.

Ash: Relax, okay, don't be— No, so I was like, um, we'd been for a walk, it was a daytime date, so it was like 1 PM.

Josh: Tommy's nostrils are flaring.

Ash: And I'm like, I'm not gonna kiss ya, but I just went in like that, and she was like there.

Josh: What was the reason for the— what did she think you were doing?

Ash: I was gonna kiss goodbye.

Josh: Okay. So you grabbed her in the back of her neck?

Ash: Mate, fucking hell, it wasn't like exactly like that.

Tommy: Do you want me to come in as well?

Ash: Columbo over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but sometimes your mouths don't match up. So like I just—

Josh: Like just a kiss on the cheek?

Ash: Yeah, so it's the gulf between a kiss on the cheek and a kiss on the lips. And I just couldn't make up the difference without it being so conspicuous. So I was like, it is what it is. And then I was like, oh, but I still, I feel like I should ask. And then I said to her, look, I mean, I said, look, I'd love to give you a kiss. And she said, oh, that's nice. You know, it's really nice that you asked. It's really romantic. You know, a lot of guys don't ask. And then I was like, yeah. So is that, was that a yes or? And then she, you know, we just had a bit of a peck and it was nice. We're actually going out on a second date.

Josh: Yeah. So, oh, that's great.

Ash: Actually, we've been on the second date. We're going on a third date.

Josh: And it's all going well?

Ash: Pretty well.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: I mean, I think that's good, good advice potentially. Kiss on the first date?

Ash: Yeah, it's— yeah, try if you can.

Tommy: Well, maybe not though.

Ash: No, you don't want to force it if it's not feeling right.

Tommy: Well, because I think—

Ash: I think we've both got girlfriends.

Tommy: I've got a wife.

Ash: You got a wife? Mr. 97, what are you doing? You still with that girl that you went on a first date with?

Josh: Single.

Ash: Nah, single. Yeah, cool, man. Have you had sex yet? No. Ah, good for you.

Tommy: Remember, Mr. 97, you don't have to actually answer questions that are asked of you.

Ash: No, it's fine. I don't mind.

Josh: No, that's fine. I'm just letting you know. Just letting you know you don't have to.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Ash: Oh, like Has there been some trouble?

Tommy: No, I'm just saying he doesn't— the thing about young Mr. 97 is he will answer anything you throw at him, and then I'm just having the filter of you don't actually have to answer the thing.

Josh: Well, Sam Kavanaugh came in the room the other day, pointed at Mr. 97, he said, how much are they paying you? And we had to politely tell Sammy that 97 doesn't work for you.

Ash: Yeah, good, good, good.

Josh: Bit of pushback.

Tommy: Absolutely.

Ash: There's no No reason for you guys to bow to Sam Kavanaugh.

Josh: Yeah, absolutely.

Ash: You know, seriously, this is your own fucking thing.

Josh: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.

Ash: But no, no, so when I was moving to LA and I wanted to sell all of my stuff, but I knew everyone in the apartment building. So I was like, I put like all of these signs up in the lift of what I was selling. Like I was selling a beanbag for $100.

Josh: What sort of beanbag was it?

Ash: It was pure red leather. I bought it for $300, right?

Josh: Real sweaty, mate. Would you get real sweaty in it?

Tommy: Did it have a paintball on it?

Ash: No, but it was like you could wash it. It was the best beanbag I've seen to this day, right? And all this other stuff— toasters, fucking kettles— I just— probably about 30 things. But I didn't want to put Ash's Fire Sale because everyone would know me and they're gonna like, we're friends, let's do a deal. So I put Jake's Fire Sale and I made up this guy called Jake who lived with me. So people would come around and they're like, oh, it was Jake O'Mash. What are you doing here? I go, Jake's my housemate. Jake's not here. You're here to look at his stuff? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, what are you after? Jake told me Jake's out. It was at the toaster? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like $40. And they're like, gee, do you reckon you could do $30? I go, I would, but it's Jake's. He's texting me. He said it's a hard $40. I sold all my stuff. I sold everything.

Josh: No, that's real.

Ash: I respect that. They're like walking through the house, it's like a one-bedder studio. They're going, so you both live here? I'm like, yeah, no, it's all good. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. Selling stuff, I tried to, I tried to do that a while ago on Gumtree.

Josh: You just get the worst of the worst people coming out. Had one guy bring a bunch of cash and then just try and do the 50 short, going, uh, I'm 50 short.

Ash: Yep.

Josh: And so I literally took the item back. I'm like, oh, that's good. I knew that he'd driven an hour to come to me. I was like, oh, no worries. Yep. And I started walking off with it, and then he magically found the other 50 in his pocket.

Tommy: I think—

Ash: do not fall for it. It's the wild, wild west out there, especially Gumtree deals. Don't believe them.

Tommy: I think hand in hand, the guy who does this elaborate thing to sell them for the price he's asking, also is the one to ask for a solid discount. So if you were to go out to buy a piece of Gumtree furniture, as if you aren't happy.

Josh: Have you ever bought a piece of Gumtree furniture?

Ash: No, but I've sold a tonne of stuff. You know what I'm doing at the moment? 'Cause I need some cash. I've had a couple of deals just slip through the fingers that I thought they were fucking in concrete.

Josh: How did the pillow deal go?

Ash: Pillow deal's not going well at all. He's not answering my calls. He's literally gone missing.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Paid up? No, he hasn't paid up. So I think the fact that he's gone missing and him not paying me, they're related. I think I've called him today, went straight through to a different man's voice saying leave a message.

Tommy: No, he's buried his head under the pillow.

Josh: It's a business, you could just call the—

Ash: I could turn up. Yeah, but I've got—

Josh: All right, mate, let's get this over with. With the ad payments and stuff. I know that you were waiting for some payments from your podcast.

Ash: No, no, no, there's like $200. I might start— I'm looking at starting a Patreon tomorrow.

Josh: Okay, great.

Ash: No, fucking why not? Yeah, do you guys know how to set it up? Uh, Mr. 97? Yeah, I'll sort it out for you. I'll get you a route. You can shake me if you sit on my Patreon. You can sort me out. I'll— we'll turn the lights off. You won't even know the difference.

Josh: So the thing, the thing with Patreon is you need to set up some form of like tiers. So you're gonna have like, uh, $5, they get something. $15, they get something.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twisted97's in charge of that, but that's what I want to do. I want— I've kind of just got to deliver on it.

Tommy: You need an offering though, is what Josh is saying.

Ash: That's what it will be. You'll get like a newsletter, you'll get like a fucking bonus podcast episode, you get a bonus story, you get a bonus merch, whatever. You get stuff. I'll turn up to you one thing a year, you get me for an event. I just came up with that.

Tommy: How much do you have to pay you to do that?

Ash: That's top tier. Mr. 97, write this down. It's top tier. No, you don't have to, I'm just joking. No, he won't.

Josh: We've got the audio. I guess, I don't know, $50.

Ash: A month? 50 bucks a month will get you one, um, like kind of essentially, um, private speaking gig. I should charge more for that, but, um, I mean, we're spitballing here.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't guaranteed yet. We just need to lock it in.

Ash: Yeah.

Tommy: Do you know anyone doing, uh, Patreon really well?

Ash: I'd love to see the numbers. Everyone's always talking about Patreon.

Josh: We can't see the numbers for most people.

Ash: Okay, well, you can literally just see—

Josh: well, you can either say, okay, They've got 50 supporters.

Ash: Oh, good. Guys, I'm coming in to your office next week. I'm going to be in Melbourne for a bit.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: I want to come in. I want to talk. Yeah. I want to workshop. I want to know everything.

Josh: We can give you—

Ash: yeah. It's very broad. Ash is coming in. Why do you want to know everything? I don't know.

Josh: Will you mentor Mr. 97? Would you be his official mentor?

Ash: Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Josh: Would you like that?

Ash: Yeah.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: I'll mentor him.

Josh: What is it that— I mean, if you had some questions for Ash, around life in general.

Ash: I get a lot of emails from dudes wanting advice.

Tommy: What do they say? What's their number one question?

Ash: Do you have any advice on how to get into the industry? I'm like, mate, I'm still trying.

Josh: Like, what do you want?

Ash: I, I, I'm trying to sell shit on Gumtree at the moment.

Tommy: Like, and it's not even yours. It's actually your housemate.

Josh: What's his name?

Tommy: Jake.

Ash: Well, you know, that was a while ago. You know what I'm doing at the moment? I shouldn't be saying this. I get sent, um, coffee machines from companies.

Josh: Yeah, so you, um, you were— what was the, the coffee brand that you're talking about a lot? Makona?

Ash: No, which is Makona? Yeah, they don't—

Tommy: that's instant, you know.

Ash: I love instant. Um, basically any coffee brand, but no one's paid me per se, but I've got coffee machines.

Josh: So Nespresso?

Ash: Yes, one of them. Um, what's another? Another one is Lavazza. So I've got two coffee machines. All right, I'm selling them on Gumtree. They send them to me.

Tommy: Or if they just have sent them to you and there's no discussion.

Ash: No, 'cause then what I'm gonna do, yeah, exactly. So then what I'm gonna do is sell them and then just say, hey, like, I've misplaced the coffee machine and get another one sent out. So then I'm now a coffee machine dealer.

Josh: Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. Do you think you'll be able to get to the Lavazza?

Ash: The Marquee at the Races? Is that still there?

Tommy: It's been there a lot. Lavazza one.

Ash: The Valuators? I actually know them. I shouldn't be doing that. They're actually great people.

Josh: If they're haemorrhaging money from all the coffee machines that—

Tommy: Careful, Marky.

Ash: Yeah, yeah. Look, I just want either— a wise man once said, either shit or get off the toilet. And if these coffee machine companies aren't gonna shit, then I'm just gonna sell their stuff on Gumtree.

Josh: Are you in the toilet?

Tommy: Yeah, I'm trying to work out which one you mean.

Josh: You're on the toilet?

Ash: I'm happy to be in the toilet.

Josh: In the toilet or the toilet?

Ash: I'm in the toilet with my mouth open waiting. For the sweet gold.

Josh: But then you've got a bunch of other people.

Ash: I'm yelling like encouragement. Come on, come on, come on, let's do a 6-month deal discount.

Josh: Um, have you ever had a deal with an airline?

Tommy: No.

Ash: Yeah, impossible.

Tommy: Have you tried?

Ash: A fucking oath.

Josh: Which—

Tommy: what's, what's the avenues you've gone down?

Ash: So I've done cold emails to Qantas. I came up with like a scholarship programme that that I said, this is what you should do. And I should get the first scholarship. So I emailed Virgin with like, is it that, I should, I'll get the email for you.

Josh: I think Virgin like must get so many of these emails from Gronks. 'Cause we all think it's like, now Qantas, they're not gonna buy our bullshit, but Virgin, you get them on a good day, everyone's a bit fucking buzzy on their coke. Totally.

Ash: And Branson's all about entrepreneurship. You know, you're kind of front loaded with that. I read, Branson's book, unbelievable. This is, it motivated me so much that I did this. I sold all of my stuff in a Jake's fire sale, I moved to LA, blah, blah, blah. And then, so then I'm like, I love flying Virgin, blah, blah, blah.

Josh: Always fly them.

Ash: Don't have any money. Can I have a 12-month scholarship? And I think one of them wrote back.

Josh: Really?

Ash: And then I emailed Qantas and that's it. And then I became really good friends with a guy called,, uh, Lynn or some, something from United Airlines. United Airlines. So he was like on me, like, oh, this is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: It was, I thought it was going to be good connections to LA and stuff like that.

Ash: Terrible airline though. Have you flown them? No, but one of the all-time worst.

Tommy: I've flown them. It wasn't that bad.

Ash: I mean, it must be recently then.

Tommy: It was 2012 and it was a good year then.

Ash: Did you have TVs?

Tommy: I can't remember, but we were down the back. So when it gets a bit, uh, a bit pointy, but the opposite pointy end, which you want to be sitting at, we were down the back near the toilets. There was— there's 2 seats, so it goes 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 2 at the very back for a few rows.

Ash: Yeah.

Tommy: And so me and Fitzie, my mate, were just snuggling in on each other. There was no one beside us.

Josh: Well, they have the Dreamliner, some of those, which is the one that is good for your jet lag.

Tommy: I flew on it from LA to New York just last October, September, when we were there. Unbelievable. The windows are this tint of blue and you can pump up the tint of blue and it goes really, really blue and then you can pump it down and just disappear.

Ash: This is the brand new.

Tommy: So there's no window. There's no window. There's no window shade.

Josh: The one that dragged the guy off the plane. United do have a bad—

Tommy: A one bag egg.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Bad egg.

Ash: Yeah, right. I was talking about the planes. I'm not talking about the service. I'm talking about the planes. The ones I used to fly on were terrible. It was one of the ones where like, you know, you're flying international. It's a long trip. Sydney to LA and you've got to share the TV.

Tommy: Oh, that's old school. I mean, they're just 1990s planes.

Ash: You know, I was stuck in the middle on a flight from LA back to Sydney and I was like, it was the worst seat and it was a full flight. And I'm like yelling at the, before we even take off, I'm yelling at the stewardess, excuse me, is there anything like, you know, I've got like my legs, they're just, they're not working that well at the moment, whatever. And then she's like, no, no, no, full flight, sir. So I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, come on, come on. There's an answer here somewhere. So then I tapped this dude on the shoulder who was on the aisle in front of me. Sorry, I said to the guy next to me, I said, hey, you wanna swap seats? And he goes, no. And I go, all right, I'll make it interesting for you, $50? And he goes, no, no, no. $100, $100 bucks? He goes, nah. I'm like, fair call, I'm out. So then I tapped the dude in front, I said, hey, you wanna swap seats? And he goes, Yeah, right. And I said, I didn't even offer him 50. I go, dude, I'll give you 50 just because that's what I was going to offer you. And he goes, don't worry about the 50. So then we swapped.

Tommy: That's how you had an aisle seat.

Ash: Yeah, he was an idiot.

Tommy: Oh, the loveliest guy you've ever met.

Ash: He was cool. I think I did give him 50. I said, just take it, man, like enjoy it.

Josh: You're generous.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Um, do you piss much when you're on a flight?

Ash: Uh, not, not that much.

Josh: Could you go a whole flight? Like, I have gone, uh, Melbourne to San Francisco without pissing.

Tommy: That's solid.

Josh: Sydney to San Francisco.

Tommy: Did you eat?

Josh: Oh, sorry, no, it was Auckland to San Francisco. No, I was so dehydrated, so dehydrated.

Ash: Did you deliberately do that or was just—

Josh: Yeah, I was in— it was premium economy, so it was two, two seats, and I was on the window seat, and there was plenty of room that I could have just walked past the guy, right?

Tommy: Did you want to piss?

Josh: No, but I was like, you know what, like when I got like 3 hours before landing, I was like, fuck, I don't want to piss now because I've left it so long. And so it was sort of— I was also thought it was a bit of a headfuck for the guy next to me because I think— don't you think if you're, if you're sitting next to a person and they don't get up once, they could have taken during the whole Yeah, but he might or she might have thought that you got up when they got up. Yeah.

Tommy: Oh, you could go to sleep in there. Yeah, you wouldn't know.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Because if you don't, like, I mean, when I'm sitting in the pleb section, you're having to— I'm literally standing over people, hope, trying to not wake them up.

Ash: Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Like, I've done full monkey crawls across people.

Ash: Fuck yeah, yeah.

Josh: So what happened with the United thing? So the guy— so you—

Tommy: oh, nothing.

Ash: Um, so he was then a customer when I was working at the gay bar, and then so he came in and he's like, oh hey, I didn't know you worked here. I'm like, yeah, bro. I'm like, you want a shot? And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, hey, we should, we didn't exchange, sorry, I had your business card. I said, I gotta email you, man. Like didn't wanna push too hard on the sell, but I'm like, hey, I'm flying back. I'd love to have you again as a stewardess.

Josh: This is in Adelaide.

Ash: Bit tight on cash at the moment 'cause I'm not selling many shots. And he's like, yeah, yeah, cool. I'll see what I can do. I sent him this email and I just got an email back saying, here's, like he just sent me basically the website. I'm like, dude, this is retail. What happened to the deals?

Josh: Well, we even were at Network 10, um, the other day, and we actually heard, um, good, uh, the reception, uh, say, oh, sorry, I can't give out personal email addresses, but you can, uh, email us contactus@network10.com.

Tommy: I just said that's not getting through. Yeah, that's not getting to the—

Josh: who writes back to those generic emails? It's just—

Ash: plus you can guess who you're trying to send an email to. They're just giving you their domain name.

Tommy: At the Overlow Hotel downstairs, I saw this sign and it says, got any feedback? Email the CEO directly. CEO@overlowhotels— what's the domain, Mr. 97? Hotels.com.au. So you can email him directly. But that's them purposefully trying to go—

Ash: that's their fake account.

Tommy: Well, it's probably an account that goes directly to the CEO.

Ash: No way.

Tommy: That they can look at.

Ash: That goes to marketing.

Tommy: Gary Vaynerchuk, you know, Gary Vee. Yeah, so he gives—

Ash: you're smarter than that, what you just said.

Tommy: What, what am I saying?

Ash: There's no way that that email thing is going straight to the CEO. I honestly think whether it's one hotel room and it's separate, that's going to marketing.

Tommy: And here's my point, here's my backup point to the fact that it probably— I guess that it's—

Josh: I reckon they print them all out.

Ash: Hang on, let him get to his backup point.

Josh: Okay.

Tommy: Gary Vaynerchuk, he had—

Josh: He writes back.

Tommy: He was on stage, we were watching him, 3,000 people in the room, gives out his email address. And I was like, oh, that's not his fucking email address. And then Jules Lund recorded him just doing this pitch to Gary. And in it, Gary says, email this number, email this email address. Exactly the same. He gives out his email address.

Josh: But is that like the equivalent of giving you a PO box? Anyone like you?

Ash: Have you got a PO box? Sure do. PO box 2172 Hawthorn, Victoria.

Josh: How long you had it for?

Ash: 10 years or something.

Tommy: That's your mum's PO box.

Ash: No, my dad said get into the PO box industry. What do you mean?

Tommy: You don't pay for a month?

Josh: Is it $200 a year? Are you still paying? Like, I think we pay about $200 a year.

Ash: $150 a year. But dad said, this is no bullshit, do never get rid of that PO box because there's a demand for them. I don't know if there is.

Josh: Well, we have a demand.

Tommy: So then, so yeah, because they're physical space, they cannot— they can't unless they're building more post offices.

Ash: Well, yeah, I mean, you're leasing. I've got that box.

Josh: Yeah, um, we have PO Box 400, Abbotsford, Victoria 3067. Yep, that's a pretty high quality.

Ash: That is good.

Josh: 400, right?

Ash: What do you pay?

Josh: 200? Yeah, a year.

Tommy: Did you ask for the number 400?

Josh: Or yeah, you got to pick. They had like whatever numbers were available.

Tommy: Dude, I tell you what, uh, Triple J could pick it. They've got the text line or the fucking mobile number that you call. I can't. How can you remember that? What was the Nova number? 13-1060? 24-10.

Ash: Yeah, well done, 97.

Tommy: I mean, you were the anchor.

Ash: Yeah, but I didn't take it that seriously.

Tommy: That was your second warning.

Josh: Did you ever have to use the dump button?

Ash: Yeah, fucking plenty. Oh, because of what stuff I said?

Josh: Stop.

Ash: I'd say something, they just go, dump? You guys dump? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but, uh, but you know, the dump's got to load up. It's actually like a toilet, you know, the toilet when you flush it and it's going to save up energy. Yeah, you can't flush it immediately after the second time.

Josh: Yeah, we've got to get 15 seconds. So then you'll go to like ads or something like that.

Ash: Yeah, it'll build up again. But, um, what were we saying before that? Uh, no, I had something.

Josh: Triple, triple.

Ash: Oh yeah, you know, I've got a hotline for my podcast that people call. 0406 284 954.

Tommy: I reckon that's easier than the Triple J one. What's the Triple J one?

Josh: Can you say your number again?

Ash: 0406 284 954.

Josh: Uh, Tommy, can you say that?

Tommy: 284 954. 0406 284 954.

Ash: I knew you had it. Isn't it? I knew you had it as soon as you get the, uh, 06. 06 is the hardest bit.

Tommy: Yeah, well, I left it last because I was like, no, I actually took— and I've forgotten it now.

Ash: You don't need to, you're already passed on to the next stage.

Tommy: Thanks, man, appreciate it.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: But people call that— did I tell you I did this thing with one of the dudes? Um, I don't know him, he's a bit of like an investor in the show, uh, slash pervert.

Josh: He—

Ash: this is Champagne, this is the Champagne dude, but we did a new thing where he paid me $300, and we did an— it's called an ignore session. And so he would call the hotline, and he kept wanting to call my personal number. I'm like, no, bro. He would call the hotline, and all I had to do was stay on the line for 30 minutes. That's it. And then at the end of 30 minutes, say fuck off and hang up, right? And so I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, bro, transfer the money and we'll do it.

Josh: So I get an ignore session.

Ash: An ignore session. So I get the money and I take the, um—

Josh: Did you Google it? Is ignore session a thing?

Ash: I didn't Google it.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Yeah, it must be. He knows all the terminology. So then I did it in like the food court. So I'm in the food court and I'm like checking in on him like every 2 minutes. I'm like, hey bro, you're good? Yep. Then like 7 minutes, mate, you still there? Yep.

Josh: Do you put it on mute during time?

Ash: I'm filming this whole thing, so I've got it as evidence. If this goes to court, I've got it.

Josh: So how are you using— have you got two phones?

Ash: I've got my phone, and then I'm filming my hotline phone. It's an iPhone 3. iPhone 3?

Josh: Where'd you get that?

Ash: I got it from Vodafone in Bondi. They were selling them outright for $100.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: Tommy was blown away the other day. Someone at a service station bought a SIM card, only $2.

Tommy: $2? Kogan.

Ash: Yeah, does that come with calls?

Tommy: No, I'm pretty sure it doesn't.

Ash: Yeah, it sounds too sus. Yeah, um, but anyway, yeah, so then, um, after 9 minutes, okay, mate, you still there? And then he was like, I could hear like, I was like, what's going on, man? What's going on? And then it just hung up. But I don't care. I mean, like, what do you think was happening? I think, um, be honest. No, he's definitely wanking or something.

Tommy: Okay, like, um, you might know this.

Ash: I was saying, that's fair. No, there's a bunch of— that's just— if Mr. 97's face was just like mouth agape then, like, I think— I don't want to offend you, it's a big bad world out there, but that's what you'd expect.

Tommy: He got what he wanted. Have you seen a bunch of these LA comedians, models that are putting like these, um, they're blurring their feet out, they're censoring their feet. So they're not even doing feet shots. It's like they're in their bikini or they're like, there's a bunch of funny comedians, females that are blurring their feet.

Josh: Who?

Tommy: I can't remember about that. You might've seen one.

Josh: Uh, what's Whitney Cummings?

Tommy: Yeah. Whitney Cummings.

Josh: I feel like she's the one because she, uh, apparently after her Netflix special, there was like a huge increase of sales of sex dolls.

Ash: Yeah, right.

Tommy: It happened.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Um, another girl that was on Joe Rogan recently as well, um, she did it too. But I've, I've seen it. So not even people that are through that kind of clique, but there was other people. I think it's becoming a thing, blue your feet, because there's creeps out there.

Ash: No, no, absolutely. Because you are—

Josh: there's also cash as well. Like, if you hide them, then 100%.

Ash: No, no, no. Again, this is no word of a lie. So that guy calls himself Josh. It could be you, Josh. Um, so we, we didn't talk for like a month because I told the, um, ignore session storey on my podcast and he was like, that was really disrespectful. I'm like, fair enough. And he said, never talking to you again. I'm like, fine, fuck off. All right.

Josh: And then exactly what he wanted.

Ash: He loved it. He could get it for free.

Josh: Yeah, free.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. He finally got the fuck off. Um, and then He comes back to me saying, "Hey, can I buy you dinner tonight?" Because he loves buying me dinner.

Tommy: As in not him physically being there, but sending you cash?

Josh: He buys you like a fucking—

Ash: Yeah, so he sends me—

Josh: Sausages card or something?

Ash: I just always say I'm buying dinner. Usually I just, I am buying it, but like I say, it's more expensive than what it is. So on, when was it? Last night? It was last night. I said, "Transfer $50." And he transferred the money and I was just gonna send a foot pic with the food. So I had to do that last night.

Josh: So what did you order?

Ash: I went and got wraps from Soul Origin at Bondi Junction. Because they've got a deal after 4 PM. They just have like a closing down sale every day and there's a like Jake's Fire Sale basically. So you've got like instead of paying $10, which it is usually during the day, it's 1 for $8, 2 for $11, or 3 for $10. Can you believe that? Yeah, I know, right? 3 for $10. I'm always shocked. So I go there every day purely for 3 for $10. The lady who runs it is an idiot.

Josh: What do you do with the other 2?

Ash: I eat them all in one night.

Josh: And then how big are they?

Ash: I like— it's a proper buffet. Like, you'll have a good time. Like, you can, you can stagger it out for the night. Yeah, it's good. You get wraps, but sometimes you get there and all the good stuff's gone. I'm furious. I'm pissed off. But you still get involved. It's 3 for 10. You're not beating that. There's deals everywhere. It's great. Really great food court. But go there after 4. But what— yeah, it's weird because there was a new girl working there the other day and she didn't know about the 3 for 10.

Josh: So I'm like, dude, you're educating her.

Ash: So I go in there and I go, um, what are the deals? And she goes, well, 1 for 8, 2 for 11. And then I go, and 3 for— and she goes, 16. I go, just a little bit wrong. It's actually 3 for 10. You're new. And then she's like, sorry? I'm like, like, she's laughing. I'm crazy. There's a lot of crazy people in the food court. I'm like, no, no, let me introduce myself. Uh, Ash, I'm VIP. And, um, look, I know your boss. I know it makes no sense, but it's 3 for 10.

Josh: Do you know the boss's name?

Ash: Susie.

Josh: Because this is what Tommy— I was talking to Tommy about with the Virgin Lounge thing. I felt like I needed more details on processes and people's names, so then I'd be at least be able to rattle them enough, say the right people, say, hey, I know that you're meant to do X, Y, and Z in this case because of where we're, you know, but I didn't have that information. So you know Susie, so that's good.

Ash: Who I've got a crush on, by the way. And then I just said to her, look, it's, it's, I'm not going to tell Susie, okay? This is between you and me, you and you. The last thing you need is a warning. I'm not going to say anything. Let's just ring it up and 3 for 10. And she's like, like I'm speaking a different language. She says, it's 3 for 16. I'm like, let's meet in the middle, 3 for 14. And then I said, 3 for 13. She said, 3 for 14. And I said, that's fine, 3 for 14. So I mean, I'm haggling at Borno Jones, talking about the Indian Markets.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Do you haggle much for things?

Ash: Only things I believe in. Electronics? Um, nah, cause, cause I don't know enough about that.

Tommy: What's the, what, where, what has wiggle room? Hotels? I don't really think have.

Josh: Yeah, you can.

Tommy: You reckon?

Josh: You can say, hey, hey guys, you remember Dick Smith? Like at this time last year, did a whole campaign of call up your hotels. Don't use Booking.com. Don't use Expedia.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: I'm saying, but even if you call up, you did it the other day, you called up the place where you and Amy were staying and said, hey, and they put in free breakfast?

Tommy: No, but that was— I got in that. So all I did was call them and they told me a deal that wasn't on the internet on these other websites.

Josh: It was literally—

Tommy: I didn't push it on.

Josh: Okay, well, I've never put—

Tommy: but if you went to, you know, one of these big fucking things, the Shangri-La or something, as if they're gonna be like, mate, I'm not paying that, I want this.

Josh: What about in Vegas? Like, it's very common in Vegas to give a like a bit of a tip and they'll give you a better room.

Tommy: Really? But then you're paying for it.

Josh: No, but you're not. If it's perfect, 10 baht.

Tommy: If you're giving a 10 baht tip, 10 baht tip, if you're at a Hard Rock Cafe, you reckon?

Josh: No, not Hard Rock Cafe, they're actually like a, um, one of the nice hotels. Have you done that before?

Tommy: The W?

Josh: The casinos? If you're checking in, give a tip.

Tommy: My point is, I think the hotel industry is probably one you can find deal, but bargaining down, or maybe like a 2-night thing, but you end up paying, right? Clothes shops, I reckon you can ask for a discount. Yeah, electronics stores.

Josh: You would go into a fucking Just Jeans?

Tommy: Yeah, definitely.

Josh: Over—

Tommy: maybe not Just Jeans, General Pants, something.

Ash: What are you gonna say?

Tommy: Oh, is that the best price?

Ash: That's the key.

Josh: So you're asking, is it on sale or not?

Tommy: Yes, exactly.

Ash: Also, that's too long. Just say, "What's your best price?" Best price. Yeah, or actually the way you asked is not bad. "Is that your best price?" Because that's more like saying, "I expect better of you." So what is the person then—

Tommy: I mean, if this is the reality of what they can do, if a hotel can say, "Look, I could probably give you this rate for that room," are they— what are they doing?

Ash: Everything's bullshit, isn't it?

Tommy: Well, that's why you're questioning the world now.

Ash: Well, you know what the biggest bullshit is? Coffee.

Josh: Oh yeah, so you—

Tommy: I don't think you can haggle for coffee if you've got only— oh, I've only got $3.

Josh: If you've got coffee so expensive for how much it costs, right? Yeah, is that what you're saying, Ash?

Ash: I did, um, did the math. Well, no, this is arguably one of my first ever stand-up gigs. I, I, you've got to do a, um, a talk, uh, in year 11 at school, and I was like, like a TED Talk. 5 minutes on anything you want. And people were doing like, you know, the Olympics, Kieran Perkins, and it's just boring as fucking snooze fest. Just, I was like, this is shit. I was like, heckling, boring. And then like Mr. Ferguson's like, Ash, like you're fucking 2 weeks late. Like, you know, everyone's done their talk. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it tomorrow. So then I wrote like, I didn't realise at the time, but I basically wrote like a 5-minute standup spot. And I just spoke about little things, you know, from coffee to neighbors. About 5 to 10 different things, but one of the things was coffee and how coffee is a ripoff. And I was explaining, there's no punchline to it, but it actually got a big laugh.

Josh: What did you say?

Ash: Oh, mate, I think I said, I was like, listen here, listen here, coffee's a ripoff. And then like, I think I got a laugh. I think they got a big laugh, easy crowd. And then I was just like, yeah, it's fucking bullshit. Like it costs like, I'm not explaining anything that we don't know, but it's always a 10 cents.

Josh: What's observational humor?

Ash: 10 cents. Yeah, so it's 10 cents and what it costs like 4 or 5 bucks. Yeah, like again, it just popped into my head like because I was— remember I got a big laugh.

Josh: It seems like you don't— you wouldn't drink dairy.

Ash: I— if I feel like I want dairy.

Tommy: No, no, I've had coffee with you and you drank about 3 strong lattes, just straight lattes. Cow's milk.

Ash: Oscillate between cow's milk and nut milk. Depending on age? Yeah, don't get into oat.

Tommy: You're a Bondi guy, they've got every milk there.

Ash: Yeah, it depends if I need to lose weight, if I need to trim up, I'm all on the almond. Just stay off fucking milk if you want to lose like 5 kilos.

Josh: If I want to lose weight, like, so say like I want to lose about 10 kilos. Do you? Yeah.

Tommy: 10 kilos is too much, tell him that.

Ash: You've actually lost weight in your face. Since I last saw you.

Tommy: 10 kilos is way too much.

Ash: Why? Can I feel?

Josh: Yeah, it's real.

Ash: You're a big unit, aren't ya?

Josh: He's right.

Ash: He's definitely right. I don't wanna fat shame ya. I don't want any fucking trouble.

Josh: No, it's true. Feel Tommy as well.

Ash: And then— Are you good? For a dude who's married, that's awesome. What about, can you just feel?

Josh: 97, can you get up?

Ash: Oh, you'll be fine.

Tommy: Because you knock over these things.

Ash: No, no, don't. But if you don't have a six-pack, You should be ashamed of yourself.

Josh: Here we go, here we go.

Ash: I'm expecting like fucking rock hard. Yeah, that's, that's a young dude.

Josh: Isn't that impressive?

Ash: No, you know what, you used to have that. Every 17-year-old.

Josh: I used to be 120 kilos.

Ash: Okay, everyone except you, but like, Tommy, you would have had that.

Tommy: Yeah, I was a stripper.

Josh: You never had a six-pack.

Tommy: No, my— trust me, to get a six-pack, I would have to—

Josh: can I feel?

Ash: Yeah, I'm big at the moment. I've hurt my back. Yeah, yeah. So we're currently just finding out Ash's gut.

Josh: I mean, I was respectful. I went for sort of the upper rib, which is, I think, a sort of a bit of a leanest part.

Ash: Upper rib's gonna feel good.

Josh: Yeah. I mean, I was being polite.

Ash: I do.

Tommy: Just, Ben, you got the genetics wrong.

Josh: You're going right in the gut.

Ash: Yeah, I went straight for the cock. But no, no, man. Like, I think if you get over the age of 30, you're gonna work a bit harder to look like 97.

Josh: And so I'm 29. Are you? Yeah. Is that old or—

Ash: No, it's young. Okay, what are you, Tommy?

Tommy: 31, just turned 31.

Ash: God. And so 37.

Josh: I was gonna say 36. When did you turn 37? March. Okay, happy birthday.

Ash: Um, appreciate that. It's basically— We're actually right in the middle of my birthday.

Josh: Yeah, well, we're trying to, um, set up further away from my birthday.

Ash: Yeah, but I like that.

Josh: Well, 97's got a database of of all of the guests. Yeah, our guests. And he's putting the birthdays and so that we can do some more surprise and delight.

Tommy: What date is it?

Ash: March 31st. It actually means a lot. I'm sure you guys know stuff about the human race, but if you remember people's birthdays, it counts for a lot. I broke up with a manager of mine because he didn't remember my birthday. And I know that he remembered one of his other talents, 'cause I saw him wish this fucking dude off The Bachelor happy birthday. I was like, you fucking dog. You're wishing him happy birthday? I'm like, you don't wanna send him a fucking stiff email.

Josh: It feels like on the same realm of checking who's looking at your Insta storeys though.

Tommy: It's the real life version.

Ash: Yeah, but not when it's like in your face. Like I just saw the story.

Tommy: How much time are you spending with your manager?

Ash: Well enough, I thought we were pretty close.

Josh: And so going on the diet thing, I met peak, this is peak weight as in the heaviest that I want to get.

Ash: Peak FC?

Josh: Yeah. What's that?

Ash: Fat cunt?

Josh: Close.

Ash: Give me your new merch, your new t-shirt merch.

Josh: Peak FC.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: My clothing brand. So if I want to, if I want to start to lean out, I know how how horrendous I'm being to my body at the moment. We had half a metre of pizza before.

Tommy: It sounds so piggish when you say it like that.

Josh: Half a metre.

Tommy: Carnitas.

Ash: I'm sure it's—

Tommy: I'd say it's just 3 metres.

Ash: But you guys are on a fucking bit of a bender. It's a boys' bender.

Josh: Yeah, exactly. And so it's been a bender for a little bit doing a 7-day-a-week podcast. It happens. Yep. What if I wanted to lean out real quick? What should I do diet-wise?

Ash: Where have we spoken about this?

Josh: I think we probably have.

Ash: Just do the fucking fasting for 2 or 3 weeks.

Josh: But the fasting only works once. Have you heard this?

Tommy: Can I? No. No.

Josh: Just Durham, the exercise scientist who's a friend of the show.

Ash: So you told me this?

Tommy: No, no, no, but I've got something completely different. This is outside of the fasting one.

Josh: You're gonna say fucking eat salads and that thing.

Tommy: No, no, no, get a meal deal. I don't know why you don't have one of these.

Josh: Yeah, it's called a large Quarter Pounder. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: The meal companies.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: What about Good Chef? Do you have a connection with Good Chef? Not Chef Good or whatever the fuck the new one is that every influencer's got?

Ash: No, no. I used to have one with, um, Be Fit Food. You know, Be Fit Food?

Tommy: No, there's a bunch of—

Ash: They paid me for that, actually.

Josh: I had Dynamite.

Ash: Did you?

Josh: Which—

Ash: That doesn't sound good.

Josh: Yeah, well, the problem was that they're—

Ash: Guaranteed diarrhea.

Josh: No, no, it's called Dynamic.

Tommy: Okay.

Ash: But geez, they got lean. They're consistent.

Josh: Yeah. No, but the problem was that the soup packs, they were frozen and you put them in the microwave and then when they would unfreeze, they would tip over and the soup would go all over the microwave.

Tommy: I really just want to do on this show— Yes, too liquidy. You could lose weight eating nothing but Nando's. You could eat like—

Josh: Because we've spoken about it. We literally have a shout contact at Nando's.

Ash: About me?

Josh: No, about us.

Ash: Fuck you, selfish bitch.

Josh: If Josh ate Nando's Only Nando's.

Tommy: Nothing but Nando's for a month?

Ash: Yeah.

Tommy: You'd be lean.

Ash: You'd be lean. Yeah, of course you would be. But you guys are fucking— fucking, what do you call it? Goldfish. Remember last time I was on this show, you were gonna set me up with a Nando's deal?

Josh: Oh, did we really say that? Yeah, you fucking goldfish. Why are you only remembering this shit now?

Ash: Well, that's why I'm here. I thought I'd come in, I thought it was gonna be a presentation of some Nando's card. You guys, what, you were gonna get me a Nando's deal?

Josh: I think they're massive. Maybe. Oh, actually, I remember.

Ash: Sorry, I know you do a lot of shows, you've had Dickie Wilkins here, you think you're too good for this now?

Josh: The reason, actually, the reason I know why is that— was it Ben Fordham that had the Char-Grilled Charlie's?

Tommy: Oh, is that Ben who's got that card? Yes. Mate, that's a great card.

Ash: It's not as good as Nando's. I'll tell you right now.

Josh: I wonder where that card is at the moment.

Ash: What, Nando's or Char-Grilled?

Josh: Char-Grilled.

Ash: No, Char-Grilled is—

Josh: that's gone out of business.

Tommy: No, no, no.

Ash: They've never been better. Well, there's one in Melbourne now.

Tommy: Is there? Where?

Ash: There's one in Camberwell. Near the Prospect Hill Road there. Yeah, a guy said to me who I don't know, DM, he said, hey, come and meet me at Chargrills Chicken and we can hang out, my shout. I'm like, no thanks. Was it Ben Porter? No, it was just a random. And then he goes, oh, too good for me, eh? I'm like, mate, I don't know you.

Josh: How many DMs can we—

Ash: He wrote to me, he said, I thought you liked a Where's your phone?

Josh: Where's your phone?

Ash: It's over there. No, no, it'll be blowing up.

Josh: Can we just, can we just, can we play like a DM roulette or something, sort of phone hack style?

Tommy: You just swipe through and you have to press on one and we get to read a little bit of it.

Ash: Um, okay, if we've got nothing else.

Josh: Yeah, well, let's, let's finish on that. So 97's just putting his mic down. We're just going to get— this is a complete rip of Phone Hacks, the podcast.

Ash: Yeah, you're not doing anything.

Tommy: We're not gonna write back.

Ash: Phone Hacks is a, um Great. Terrible. Well, no, it's a terrible podcast if you want to have a career because that will ruin careers. So you get my Insta and that's it.

Josh: Yeah. So DMs, pretty slow actually. And so what will you get?

Tommy: What do you got? There's only two. That's all right, that's all right.

Ash: Oh, it's Foot Dude, it's Foot Dude, it's Foot Dude. So that's Foot Dude.

Josh: Okay, Josh.

Ash: No, no, you can say Josh, it's fine.

Josh: Won't give his full username.

Ash: Yeah, so—

Tommy: Oh my God, hang on.

Ash: Sorry for the disrespect. Hello, Footlord. See, he's doing this thing at the moment where he said, um, what do you want me to call you? And I said, Footlord. Call me Footlord.

Josh: Well, John, the problem is— Josh, it's great.

Tommy: Does it amuse you that you don't have to say please or thank you and you don't get— and you get a free feed?

Ash: Yeah, so now he's paying for a bill. So he paid for a parking fine of mine, actually. No, because that's a new thing we do. They have bills. So it's food and bills, but I need to present the tangible bill. So he paid for like, um, parking fines are fine for me now. I don't pay for them.

Tommy: What I love is the 27 requests.

Ash: They're rubbish.

Tommy: No, but are they? Yeah, Josh, you get into it. My grandmother, what's the one that says my grandmother?

Ash: I think she's, she's not well.

Tommy: Can you read?

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: My grandmother carried a walking stick but hardly used it. I think she thought it was a status symbol.

Ash: Yeah, that's with regards to a video that I did about a guy yesterday carrying a walking walking stick. And I just said he's a faker.

Tommy: Someone called it a power move.

Ash: Someone called it current effect.

Josh: The gift is a dick in a box.

Ash: I've seen all these, they're not good, otherwise I wouldn't have allowed them. Yeah, yeah, like I'm one of those guys who will go through the requests, do you know what I mean?

Josh: Who's Kylie?

Ash: Kylie's a girl from, um, who I've never met. That's just a comment with regards to a, um, you guys write a lot.

Josh: You just said, how are you going? We never, never, we ended up just going to bed.

Ash: It's just—

Josh: how was your night? Who was she talking about?

Ash: Uh, I don't know. We're gonna catch up. We just didn't. I know these things happen.

Josh: This is great. I don't get insights to this.

Ash: Are you joking? You're like, that's so good. You're literally reading the most boring message in there. Look, this, this is not exciting. You want a good message? Yeah.

Tommy: All right, here we go.

Ash: Um, James Curley. James Curley.

Tommy: Yes, it's James Curley.

Ash: Yeah, it's James Curley.

Tommy: Curlygram.

Ash: From, um, Um, Cash Cab.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: Or is it— what was the other show that he hosted?

Josh: Oh, I cannot—

Ash: he's hosted a few. Um, anyway, do you— done?

Josh: We'll do one more just for fun. This is great. I mean, you've got a blue tick. Did that happen when you were at Nova?

Ash: No, it happened about 3 years ago, 2 years ago.

Tommy: My mate called me, he said, how do you get a blue tick? What's going on there? He's got quite a few followers, but he He's just trying to work it out.

Ash: It doesn't matter anymore.

Tommy: But what, what, what's your explanation from someone who has?

Ash: Um, we wrote to Instagram, me and my manager, um, and then I just got approved. So I had the email of the Instagram person.

Tommy: Still got it?

Ash: I think so. All right, I think so.

Tommy: We'll try that.

Josh: Is the whole Bachelor thing that you do—

Ash: yeah, get out of it now—

Josh: is it a, is it a, is it a way of—

Ash: you put it back 97 Is it a way of increasing love life opportunities?

Josh: Because I just looked there, you're having a lot of Bachelor banter with women.

Ash: Yeah, it's not about that. I just did it as a bit of a piss take just to kind of get some frustration off my chest. Do you know when you're watching the TV on your own or something, you're yelling at the TV?

Tommy: Would you be good at Gogglebox, do you think?

Josh: Yeah, of course I'd be good at Gogglebox.

Ash: Be great.

Josh: Would you do it if they offered you?

Ash: Um, I need a family. I just don't need you guys, I suppose. I mean, maybe. The money's not very good. I'd want to do an uncut version. I'd want to do like a more risqué version.

Josh: What do you think they're getting paid?

Ash: I know it's not very much.

Tommy: You know one of them?

Ash: Because I know, um, Evie, and I know Angie.

Josh: Okay. Yeah, you've asked.

Ash: Um, yeah, I haven't got like a proper answer, but I've been told that it's fuck all.

Josh: 600 and a nip.

Ash: I know it's not. I don't know, I should— I'll go, I'll get an actual number for you.

Josh: If you, um, go and do an appearance on the Today Show, are you getting any cash for that?

Ash: Very little, but I do get, um, parking, cab there. Oh yeah, cabs. I get a cab there, cab back. I also get, uh, free food, uh, free coffee.

Josh: Great.

Tommy: There's the canteen area. Yeah, but then it's subsidized, so it's like a cheaper feed, but it's still—

Josh: it's like the Oscars lounge.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: And also it's terrible in there. But like, um, and I remember once I went and ordered a, um, because usually I just get like a ham cheese toasty.

Josh: And then you pay for that?

Ash: No, no, that's free. Okay, that's my payment basically. So then I get there, I'm like, yeah, you know the fucking drill. Like, you know, walking there thinking I own the joint. And I'm like, like, do the Nova thing. I'll walk if you don't give me the fucking toasty. And then, um, then she goes, so didn't you get the email? And I'm like, no. She goes, oh, we can't get you toasted sandwiches anymore. Like, your budget's been cut. I'm like, me?

Tommy: As in you personally?

Ash: As in me? This is I'm like, this is all I get. She's like, sorry, there's nothing I can do. So then I was like— What was the email? No, she goes, I can get you Vegemite on toast. I'm like, yeah, it's not as good. Get it though. And then she came back and then 3 weeks later I mentioned it to a girl who was one rung up higher and she's like, no, that's bullshit. I don't know who that girl was.

Tommy: You just didn't reply to her on Insta.

Ash: I've been trying to find this other girl. I'm like, she goes, who said that to you? I go, I don't know. I wasn't imagining it, I don't think. You know, it was a young girl, like a trainee. I think she was just trying to do the right thing, but she—

Tommy: That's so good. You've been cut.

Josh: Have you ever blown up in those occasions? Because like, I think I handled it pretty well. We ended up, none of us went in the lounge. So we could have 2 of us in the lounge. We needed 3. And so we all walked. And when we walked, I think that it was a powerful message because, don't you think? Because the lady the whole time was being like, she was being very, very strong and we're doing a lot of eye contact.

Tommy: And you would have been defeated if we pay, because you can also pay to get in for $65. Yeah, like, oh, a toastie's not worth it.

Josh: And then they said, we can invoice you for it. I said, do I have to pay the invoice now? I was going to do an Ash Williams. Yeah, yeah, invoices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't have to pay now. And then boom, why didn't you do that? Well, no, because they want— they need payment up front.

Ash: Ah, yeah, right.

Josh: So anyway, we walked. We ended up having a shit coffee somewhere else instead.

Ash: Yeah, it's worth it if you get to the Virgin Lounge early enough, but you need to dress well.

Josh: You don't need to dress well. They wear fucking high-vis. There's people doing all the FIFO stuff.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, but you're trying to fucking get in there like a shy stuff.

Josh: But the Daily Talk Show, I felt that we were all wearing our hoodies, and I felt like, yeah, if you're all wearing them, yeah, if you think about the, um, the AFL, they're all going like AFL is a partner with Virgin.

Ash: Yep.

Josh: And so what I thought is if it's teams going in, we're just another team with uniforms going in. And that's what I was— and literally I said that. I'm like, literally I said we all have the same hoodie on.

Ash: Yeah, that wasn't a good idea. You know what you should do on the next merch you do? Add a big logo on the top. Virgin. Virgin.

Tommy: Now I think they would just say, where did you get this?

Ash: Jumpers.

Josh: That is such a good idea.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, put—

Josh: what about platinum members? I think that's a fucking great idea.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's good.

Josh: You could do a limited run.

Ash: I think you'll see, uh, yeah, it's Virgin, um, yeah. And then maybe just cheque like another thing just as a backup point, like, Tommy, have like a backup brand, like whether it's Channel 7 or big like, um, Mercedes. Yeah, like big fuck-off thing.

Tommy: Carry a ladder as well.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you had the option then of the invoice too, I don't know if I've told this one. You know when you're on the trams and you get caught without a ticket? And I used to do this a lot, especially in Melbourne. And then like you get caught by like undercover dudes, and they're like so good these days. You just— they're like the best actors in the world.

Josh: And then what do you mean, what are they doing?

Ash: Well, they just look like fucking normal people.

Tommy: I was sitting, I felt like trust had been broken. I'm sitting next to this lovely woman that kind of looked like my mum looking out the window. I smiled at her, and then all of a sudden she said— stood up, said, uh, I'll need to swipe your mickey. And they actually attach the mickey onto this thing to cheque the balance. Yeah, I was just like, I'm fucking heartbroken.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Tommy: We looked at each other.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Oh yeah, man, they're brutal. They're brutal, and they've got to meet quotas and stuff each day, so they're just like robots. And then like this They're like, ticket please. And I'm like, fuck, I gave out like, fuck, it's you. Jeez, you guys are good. I was like, I haven't got a ticket, I'll be honest. Nah, nah, nah. And then they're like, all right, well you can either pay 80 now or something cash, or you can pay 150 and we'll mail it to you. And I'm like, oh wow, wow, can I have a moment? And they're like, yeah, cool. I must have gone like 5 stops. I'm trying to get back to the free zone. So we can loop right back around. And then like, they're like, so we need an answer. And by this stage they were all on me, you know, when they've got like a team of 9. So the whole 9 was on me and I'm like, hey guys, it was like fucking, you know, the Avengers, they were all there. And then I'm like, you know what, mail it to me. And then I gave them, I'm lucky that my address on my driver's licence is not my address anymore. So I've got like a fake address that I give 4 bills. Great.

Josh: So then someone's living there and getting that mail.

Ash: There'd be a lot of mail going to that address.

Tommy: And it still says your name on it.

Ash: But also I'd forgotten the address because I haven't lived there for like 10 years.

Josh: So did they ask you, what's your address?

Ash: Yeah, so this— I lived here before I, um, moved to Windsor. It was 52A, I think, Donville Avenue in Hawthorn, right? So I'm like, um, what's your address, buddy? And I'm like, 52A. And by this stage we're off the tram, everyone's off the tram, right? Calling it through. Yeah, Ashley Williams. And what's the address? And they're like, and I said 52.

Josh: Wait, why are you on the phone?

Ash: They're on the phone making sure that I'm not lying.

Josh: Wait, so they double check, so they're actually running checks?

Ash: They run cheques on the address to match up your driver's license. So you need the driver's licence to marry up, right? So then I'm like 52A, right? And then I remember he was on the phone, he goes, yeah, yeah, okay. Um, It's close, the address is close. And then I'm like, um, 52/1.

Josh: And then he goes, yeah, that's it. And so you never paid it?

Ash: I go, send it through, look forward to paying it.

Josh: Do you think that—

Tommy: where is it? It's in Europe.

Ash: Dude, it goes to the sheriff's. So you know you've got the Victoria Police and you've got the Sheriff's Department. Sheriff's is separate. So sheriff looks after all that stuff, all parking fines. Yes. Yes.

Tommy: What do they say?

Ash: Don't ever call them. I remember I called the Sheriff's Department to get out of a parking fine that was wrong. I literally wasn't—

Josh: Why did you contact? Like, it has to go through all the way down to them chasing you. Before that.

Ash: Yeah, so that was like $90 for some parking fine and I wasn't there. I mean, I was, but it wasn't— I had grounds to fight it. And then it's like, you know what, call the sheriff. So I call the sheriff and explain it and he goes, no worries, Mr. Williams, you know what, that's on us, okay? Now just looking at your account here, how do you want to pay for the remaining $5,000? And I'm like, what?

Josh: What?

Ash: Like, yeah, you owe us, it's like $5,000 $200. Do you want to pay for that now or payment plan? And I said, yeah, payment plan. And then I just never called back.

Tommy: You know, the crazy thing, they did this, uh, it was ran across a couple of months. They set up vans and they said to everyone, we'll 50% discount on your fines. You have to come up to the van.

Josh: Oh my God, it's like the Oscars lounge.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: But they seriously, they did this.

Josh: It was You are actually excited right now.

Tommy: Look it up, Mr. 97. 50% off fines.

Josh: Sheriff.

Tommy: Sheriff's Victoria. Sheriff's Department. It was some kind of scheme. Think about it. If they were to get a cash injection—

Josh: It's like an amnesty, you know.

Tommy: Goodwill. You come in, you pay your fine now, you'll get off 50%.

Ash: It's like, um, dobbling in a mafia boss, you know what I mean? And then you're a rat. Yeah, yeah, you're a rat. You're ratting on yourself. But no, I wouldn't fall for that too, because that's just a way for them to ID you and then it's swarm, swarm, swarm, and then you're in trouble.

Tommy: Mate, you can get your car clamped. That's what the Sheriff's Department do.

Josh: They clamp.

Ash: Yeah, but mate, you know what?

Josh: Have you had your car clamped? I feel like you have.

Ash: No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. Why would you pay for a parking fine? Can you guys answer me that?

Josh: Well, because so you got a clean record. And so you don't owe $5,000.

Ash: Because it's— Yeah, but then what?

Tommy: Yeah, but it's connected to—

Josh: Well, because isn't that good to like your credit score and all that sort of shit?

Ash: Yeah, okay. So taking that one step further, if you don't care about your credit score, why would you pay it?

Josh: So you don't— Like if you ever want to buy a house?

Ash: Yeah, but if you don't want to buy a house. If you just want to live.

Josh: If you want to start a business?

Ash: Yeah, but that you can put it in someone else's name. That's not hard.

Josh: Have you ever—

Tommy: ever get a loan?

Ash: Ever bankrupt? Um, I feel like the answer is—

Tommy: He wanted to actually think about it.

Ash: No, no, like technically I could easily like declare it one day.

Josh: Well, it went to the other address, so—

Ash: Oh no, I could easily declare it. I've thought about declaring it.

Josh: Stop bragging.

Ash: But then I was like, what if you do declare? I read somewhere like you can't—

Josh: What, how many debts are we talking?

Ash: It's not, it's not a, you know, I don't even know. It's quite a few.

Josh: Surely if you've got, you wouldn't be able to go bankrupt if, um, if you had superannuation, which Nova would have been paying you super.

Ash: I've got super, so I do want to get that released. And so this is the thing, you can't get released. You can get super released for serious hardship. I've got a podcast to release the money.

Tommy: Um, no, you can't get your super released.

Josh: If it's hardship, like if it's a The difference between going bankrupt and not—

Tommy: I don't reckon they'd let you do that. What's the point of super then? Super's for savings for your retirement. Bankruptcy is a completely different thing. Mr. 97, look up what are the—

Josh: Superannuation.

Tommy: Oh no, bankruptcy stuff, because it's interesting. It's 5 years, you can't— 10, I think. Yeah, I thought it was less.

Ash: No, I think it's 8.

Josh: I'm pretty sure it's 8.

Tommy: Met in the middle. Met in the middle. Even 8 years doesn't seem like a great deal. I mean, because who cares? Just go get a job. If you like, if you—

Josh: so you're not paying people, like, it's, it's not a good feeling, dude.

Ash: If you're an entertainer, who cares? If I was starting a business, that wouldn't be good for me. If I had a, even like a family, that would be really tough for me. Yeah, but if you don't, you're cool, you, you're living a good life.

Josh: I respect you. I mean, I respect—

Tommy: last resort though, that's If Barefoot has taught me anything, last resort.

Ash: What's that?

Josh: Bankruptcy.

Tommy: Bankruptcy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: What do you stress about?

Ash: Not much.

Josh: Like, what are other things?

Ash: Um, I probably just rent. I don't like paying rent.

Josh: Um, $280, did you say?

Ash: $285, but I'll pay it tomorrow. Um, and then your food is— food's expensive, man. That adds up because I don't cook.

Josh: Why don't you move away from Sydney?

Ash: Because it's probably cheaper.

Josh: Brisbane's pretty cheap.

Ash: Are you joking? I'd rather pay my fucking debts. Um, Melbourne's too—

Josh: You seem like a Queensland guy. I could imagine.

Ash: That's an insult. I know that's an insult.

Tommy: Um, Burleigh Heads.

Ash: This guy's from Queensland. Um, no, uh, at Melbourne you're too accountable for where you're at on the life Graff, you know, I feel like you just kind of compare yourself. I do anyway, because all of my other mates are here or there in their careers or their life. Sydney's good for me because I know less people and I can kind of— it's my LA, I suppose, of Australia. And then I can go back to Melbourne and enjoy Melbourne for what it is. And then, yeah, I really do want to get a job in the next year. Well, yeah, I'll probably get back into radio. I mean, ideally. Yeah, you know, I'm fucking putting the feelers out.

Josh: Who are you chatting to?

Ash: Oh mate, we'll see. I've got a couple of— I can't say here, I can't say here.

Josh: But why not here?

Ash: Because you don't want to show your fucking hand. I'm not playing poker. I'm like, I got a fucking 6 and a 2. Sorry, I was just bluffing.

Josh: But like, no, you are playing or you aren't playing poker?

Ash: No, I am playing poker at the moment, but I don't want to show my cards. Have you heard that analogy?

Josh: Yeah, but that's as if we're competing. I don't know of any cars.

Ash: People listen to this, don't they listen to this? You never fucking know.

Josh: Yeah, um, you know, so there's deals happening though.

Ash: There is potential musical chairs. Okay, like the music's really fucking dim, but we're playing. Oh, that's exciting.

Josh: I've seen you on a bunch of like radio shows, like doing bits and pieces, or one radio station at least.

Ash: Oh, on Nova? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Nova's my, um what's it like, I suppose, natural home. But we'll see, man, we'll see.

Josh: Who knows?

Ash: I don't know. I've got a few irons in the fire and we'll just— we'll know more in the next 6 to 12 months. I feel like it's an interesting time, as you guys would know, in radio, podcasting, digital. There's a lot of fucking shit moving up and down the chain. So I think, um, traditional radio and stuff is— it's just, it's so different now. You just got to keep producing good stuff and focus on— for me, it's about the stand-up's important for me because then I can kind of use that. And then if that's there, then I'll always have something to, to mine my storeys from, à la the podcast. So the podcast and the stand-up kind of marry up well together.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: And then the radio, that's then a lot easier if you've mastered the other stuff.

Josh: Are you doing any tours or anything with your comedy stuff?

Ash: I'm just doing spots, man. I'm just doing spots. I did, um, a couple the last few nights, and I'm doing like a week run in Melbourne, just, just like 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there.

Tommy: What a place in Melbourne.

Ash: I'm doing Catfish comedy. Yeah, Catfish.

Josh: Oh yeah, that's on Greville, is it?

Ash: I think so.

Josh: No, um, Catfish, is that the one?

Ash: Fitzroy. I'm on—

Tommy: doing—

Josh: I think it's Greville Street. They do, um, fucking those sandwiches that have meat in there.

Ash: Yeah, it is Greville Street.

Tommy: Hungry.

Josh: Philly cheesesteak.

Ash: Yeah, I'm sort of fucking Meat or a picture?

Tommy: I am hungry again.

Josh: Oh yeah? No, I'm really— need something to drink.

Tommy: I want to come watch.

Josh: Um, what you're doing?

Tommy: Yeah, no, what you do?

Josh: What comedy?

Ash: You guys are some weird shit. Um, no, um, and then I'm doing actually a live podcast with, uh, Ed Kavali as a guest. That will be Saturday the 21st in Melbourne, so that'll be fun. That's at Catfish. And then I'm building up for, um, we're doing a podcast live shows around the country, but then I'm building up for my, um, podcast— sorry, stand-up tour, which will be the start of next year. So that's what I'm working towards.

Josh: Actually, Ed's just taken on—

Tommy: yeah, he just took on City Breakfast.

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: To Melbourne Drive on National Drive.

Ash: National Drive.

Tommy: It's fucking sick. It's great.

Ash: Yeah, of course, it's a great gig. Yeah, uh, I called Yeezy today actually, um, just because I do this thing on the podcast where I just call people.

Tommy: And I just called Huzi.

Ash: I just called him and I said, listen, why haven't you put me on your show? Huzi, we have a problem. And he was— he got really awkward.

Josh: Did he?

Ash: Yeah, it's so good. I've got it on audio. I wanted that awkwardness.

Josh: Perfect. The Ash Williams Show is the podcast. Yep. Two times a week?

Ash: No, no, that's once a week. I'll bring it back to two a week if we can get the Patreon up. If you donate.

Tommy: Amazing, he's promoting it before before he's 68.

Ash: No, 97, we're doing this. I'll make it worth your while. Yeah, we can make it worth your while. What do you want to do with your career? Uh, you're doing well, by the way. Yeah, I'm pretty happy with the boys at the moment. No, no, I'm not trying to poach you. I'm not fucking trying to recruit a Suns. Come up to the Suns.

Josh: That'd be good. He will go and join. Yeah, what's your plans, Nasebs?

Ash: No, it's just a general— yeah, like, for you as a person, like, do you want to, um, be the, the game producer? Do you want to be talent? Do you want to What do you— is— do you know? Yeah, I mean, you don't have to have an answer, that's for sure. Yeah, no, I think producer is probably the way to go.

Tommy: I don't know if— I don't know how—

Ash: I don't have the comfortability to— I don't even know if that's a word. I don't think I'm comfortable enough to be like talent or anything. Oh, it's too early to answer that, I gotta be honest with you. Yeah, you know, you see where you're at in, um, fucking 5, 10 years, you could be amazing talent. So you don't close that door. Yeah, just keep doing what you're doing.

Tommy: I think the ones— people who don't want to be talent but have a unique sense of themselves end up being great talent. Look at all the reality stars.

Josh: Not the ones that you want. You don't like— I remember being in radio, being a digital content producer and fucking itching to get on air. Yeah, you actually don't want people like that. They don't want that as employees or people on the show. Definitely people like 97, and it just will fucking do it.

Ash: But he would also be happy not doing it, 100%, 100%, because then you're given, um, more room to move by the talent because they know that you're not going to throw them under the bus. Or, you know, there's a better vibe in there because you're all working for the show.

Tommy: Yeah, you want to give to people that don't ask. Little, little gronks like Josh and I. Oh yeah, please.

Ash: Yeah, no, that's real hard.

Tommy: Yeah, that's why we created this show.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, well, that's it. Credit to you guys. But that's some advice for anyone coming through and they're wanting to get into the industry. Don't get your foot in the door and ask to be involved as a quasi-producer or something and go, hey, you know what, I actually want to be a comedian, or I want to be the talent. No, don't say that. You need to just tread water for a bit, and when someone asks you then, then you can go, you know what, in the future maybe my dream is that. But there's nothing more kind of, um, unattractive than— do you know what I mean? Someone who might be like just salivating and just drooling for your job.

Tommy: Yeah, you can see it.

Josh: And I'm saying it right now, which I empathise with it because I know that's what we did. And it's that thing of like, uh, but we had those dreams.

Tommy: And so it's not that you shouldn't have those dreams of being there, but don't expect to do the other thing No, because those people have earned to be their position to be there, you know, in that talent.

Ash: Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, there's what— yeah, I'm saying there's no— you can actually, as long as you say to the right people, if there's someone who you trust and they're like, hey, listen, you know, there might be a mentor too, tell them your dreams, tell them your hopes, but not like talent you've just met.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Do you know what I mean? Like, you've just got to time your run a bit.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: You know, Ash, you've got to go and watch that TV.

Ash: It's already too late. It's too late. You guys always fucking— you're like, oh yeah, we'll do 60 minutes. We did like fucking 6 hours.

Josh: No, we only did an hour and 25. Yeah, okay, I think that's okay. Anyway, um, Ash Williams, one, the number one on Instagram, if you want to slide into his DMs.

Ash: Absolutely.

Josh: Any, any other final words before we finish?

Ash: No, not at all. Um, donate to the Patreon.

Josh: You've got at least the Patreon in your Insta bio.

Ash: No, no, I will do it. Just follow me on Insta for a few days. See if you like it. If you're not into it, then catch you later. You know, no harm, no foul.

Josh: Yeah. If you've listened and you've enjoyed the show—

Tommy: Oh no, can they at least just do a mute? 'Cause then you still have to follow me.

Ash: At least follow me.

Josh: Yeah, mute it.

Tommy: 'Cause then you just don't see your stuff, but you get the follow. So be kind.

Ash: Well, tell me what you want.

Josh: You know? Before the mute, before the mute.

Ash: No, I'll cater my whole Instagram account to new followers from the Daily Talk Show.

Josh: Okay, no, yeah, we appreciate it.

Ash: It's a big commitment. Yeah, but, um, I'm sure that the rest of my fans will be fine. Um, and congrats to you too, too, for fucking, you know, keeping on and going hard. You guys are really going hard.

Josh: Did you think that— I mean, when we, we saw you last time, we've got a new office and everything.

Ash: I want to come in next week. I'm not joking. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to— we're having like a meeting.

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ash: I mean, it seems—

Josh: it's crazy, isn't it? Because I think that was summer. It was a bit fucking hot. Yeah, it was, um, it was all a bit serendipitous.

Tommy: I bumped into you at the cafe downstairs at our old office.

Ash: So yeah, yeah, it's funny. No, no, no, no, no, honestly, you guys, uh, you're a mixture for me of, um, you instil inspiration and anger.

Josh: So that's what it's going to be.

Tommy: It's a good combo.

Ash: No, no, no, no, no, it's good though. I mean it with love because, uh, it's like, fuck, man, You know what I mean? You guys are doing it and you're giving your podcast the best chance of success for sure. So, and 97, you're key to this, mate, because people like this are fucking hard to find. Yeah, definitely.

Tommy: We know that. Yeah, so hard. Especially, I mean, finding one that lets you dye his hair blonde.

Josh: That's a perfect—

Tommy: it's amazing.

Josh: He bleached that for the show.

Ash: Yeah, right, that was for a date. Yeah, you got a makeover with Joey Scandizzo. Yeah, yeah. How did that go? Oh, I mean, it's, it's It's pretty horrible now.

Josh: He cooked it. He didn't keep the tone right.

Ash: What happened to the girl?

Tommy: You buy a puppy and he's gonna eat the puppy.

Josh: He literally went on a few dates. The bleaching was a separate thing, not relating to his dates. Mm. Anyway, if you've enjoyed the show, take a screen grab, share it on Instagram, tag up Ash and the Daily Talk Show.

Tommy: I'm sure I'll get a call from my mum telling me she loved this episode because she loved the last one.

Ash: Margaret? No, Joanne.

Josh: Oh yeah, Joanne.

Ash: No, no, Margaret's a different one.

Josh: It's a really good mum name though. Could have been.

Ash: Also, I was so confident. I was like thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry, I've got this. I can't believe I got that wrong.

Josh: Your mum's name's Lynn?

Ash: Margaret. No, it was, uh, I can't remember. No, it's Jenny.

Josh: Jenny.

Ash: Yeah, she's a good chick.

Josh: Seeing her, uh, he's just with his mum. For some reason I thought that your mum's name was Lynn. My mum's name's Lynn.

Ash: Oh, right.

Josh: But I just thought for some weird reason, I thought, I thought I think that your mum's name was Lynn with an E, because my mum's double N. Oh, okay. So I created quite the story.

Ash: Yeah, you know, they were fucking wrong on all accounts. Joanne, Margaret, Jenny, and Lynn. Lenny. Yeah, Lenny. Linsta. Um, good name, Lynn. So yeah, double N. Yeah, yeah, like Lynn, um, McGranger of Home and Away. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't thought about her in years. She's still in on the show. Is she? You know, there's a new Home and Away podcast. It was just announced today. There's a, there's a new podcast, just when we, uh, didn't have enough. And this is one we, we really do need to listen to. It's behind the scenes with Home and Away.

Josh: Oh, that'd be interesting.

Tommy: In character?

Ash: Um, I guess.

Tommy: I don't know.

Ash: Or no, behind the scenes. But funny. Anyway, thank you guys.

Josh: Great. Thank you so much. It's a Daily Talk Show. Hi@TheDailyTalkShow.com is the email address. If you email, we email back. Uh, that's how it works. Yeah, yeah, we do.

Tommy: Yeah, we do.

Josh: Yeah. Otherwise, uh, we'll see you tomorrow.

Tommy: See you guys.