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It's The Talk Show Episode 451 coming down after yesterday's party on the show, we have Shannah Kennedy in the studio. Hello. How are you? I'm great. That is good. You have been doing life coaching before it was cool, is it fair to say that way before it was cool. I mean my claim to fame for my mother is that she was doing yoga in bloody the 60s and now it's hip. And so when did you start this? She was really cool. Yeah, she

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she brought us incense. Yeah, that she got from like, was it the 70s or something? It was a long time ago used to arrive from India. Yeah, but anyway, that's another storey. Mr. 97 asthma

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bought it anymore. So life coaching when What year did you start? It was 20 years ago.

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2920 years ago, so no one had heard of life coaching yet.

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And

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I've gone through chronic fatigue after my big couple of careers, and I needed someone to help me through it. Because you get really, really depressed with chronic fatigue. It's like, your body won't move. It's like you've got a huge hangover and everything hurts. And your mind's going I really want to just walk around the block anybody saying, No, you know doing anything so I needed that help with some support really getting through it. So I actually found someone called a life coach. And it was the best thing ever. It was actually was, you're there she was on the phone. She's hanging right today's goal is this you know, you're going to get to the letterbox and tomorrow you're going to get to the letterbox and then 10 more metres and then back and I had this person as my, my, my friend. It was like my silent business partner in this huge business called vape chronic fatigue. And so she specialising in people who have chronic fatigue. No, no, no life coaches don't specialise in anything in particular. It's really

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About the client what the client needs a specialising in life. Yeah. So all aspects, the difference between going to a psychologist or that sort of end of the spectrum versus a life coach, is there a way to distinguish between when someone just you know, would benefit from a life coach over there. So psychologist really will go through your past and what's happened and unpack things for you. The life coach is really about let's draw the line in the sand. you've dealt with that. What's the plan moving forward? What's your strategy moving forward? What are the habits that are really going to support you moving forward, more were the habits when you were in the middle of the chronic fatigue? What were the things that had the big impact for you? Well, for me, I'm the a type overachieving perfectionist doesn't mix very well with chronic fatigue. So I love burning out I love you know the to do list and setting goals and smashing them and I don't like the wrist.

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Lazy in my brain you know my my parents a European and you know if you ever sat down it was like you're being lazy yeah so that's sort of the same my brain quite a lot so

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for me it was like pushed just keep pushing as I work ethic work ethic I valued work ethic so much that is actually quite destructive. And I mean there's so many people now being noisy about that approach, the a type personality, the hustle, don't stop, you know, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Now you will die because you're not sleeping. That's

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it does cost you your health and your stockbroker.

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What is it? What's the day to day of a stockbroker? Is it literally like pointing at like numbers and stuff? Well, my journey It started when I finished you 12 and I ran a Melbourne stock broking firm because I'd watch Wall Street in the movie and I thought Gordon Gekko was really cool. Watch. Wall Street is that

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Yeah, and I rang the lady

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HR every single day, I have sold. Yeah. And I said, I want a job here, because I've done some work experience on the trade floor in year 11, where you just run around with the bits of paper with people screaming. Oh, that's so exciting. So I'm going back there. But of course, you can't stop it. So I had to start in the dungeon in the filing department. And with a Scottish women that I could understand it was it was dusty and horrible. But within two years, I was the first girl to sit on the trading desk, and I really broke the glass ceiling. And that's, you know, 30 years ago, so it's a long time ago, and there's no women around really and it was like The Wolf of Wall Street. It was not a great place for a female to be and to see and I've been in an all girls school my whole life. And that was my introduction to me. That wasn't really really it seems like I mean from that movies like when it all costs when it all cost Patty as hard as you can and be as naughty he can make lots of money and make a lot of money. Yeah. So you know that

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That was my, my foray in there and I did really well. And they said, well, you're a girl, you don't have a degree and you you're only 20 I said, Okay, so I I travelled the world for a couple of years and did the whole backpack thing and where did you go? Everywhere in Europe possible? I did two years on my own. Well, I had a visa for the European family. Did you know passport? customs? What do you

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notice when I worked in the Swiss Alps, you know, I got jobs as a waitress here and a waitress there and met amazing people and I went to like 50 countries and, and just roll living with one backpack. It was just amazing. What do you think is is about travelling because I've experienced going over to the states when I was younger, and the the approach the energy, the confidence I had, it wasn't normal. It was like I was I can't explain it because I've always tried to think how can I have

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That energy back here at home, but when I get home, then just becomes, you know, back to his expectations isn't there and there's responsibilities at home and our families are there and our friends are there. But over there, it's you are 100% connected to yourself, is what we were talking about before.

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People are so disconnected now with themselves. They're on the treadmill of life. And when you travel like that you are totally in your skin, you know who you are, what you're doing what you like, what you don't like, you make decisions. And in those days, there was no Google there was no phone. So I'm sure with you every time you got into making decisions you had to think them through if you missed the train, you had to go more confined a timetable or you had to solve problems 24 seven, whereas now no one solve solves problems. I just google the answer or ring mom or get more money sent over or whatever that that wasn't. I had to ring reverse charges once a month.

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And so is there a

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Why of having that experience our travelling selves our best selves at home? I think you can tap into it if you're really connected to who you are and and that's a reason why I wrote the book is is

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don't leave other people's lives really understand who you are when you see your three year old look in the mirror how close did I stand? yeah very close real close all my kids have caught him just just looking smiling

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My question is do you do that?

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I did in meditation where I was looking in the mirror and it was a surreal experiences that God meditation on an app and it is

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still about that. Acknowledging self and we get so consumed with self Yeah, and it's like dropping that is a super hard thing to do because everything every stimulus every you know, when you want to hide you close your eyes, little kids closing their eyes when they're young. I'm hiding away from the monsters. We're playing that

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Last night, but that means that if he he thinks he's inside by doing that, right, but here is your Inside windows to your soul he arrived. Yeah. So the first thing we do with clients is, you know, who are you without your job, which breaks a lot of people out because if we took the job away, then I'm like, what do they say I'm like, paid it from what Corey bag or you know, so and so from Richmond football club and take all of that away. And we say when people lose their job or get dropped from the team, the destruction that causes and a lot of it is because I haven't harnessed who they are as a human being. That's just what you do. That's not who you are. And the first thing to do is go back to the mirror and be the three year old, and stand that close and look at yourself. And it's it's pretty confronting when you start, but when you've done it for a while, it's it's so liberating. You're looking at your best friend, that you say from your first breath to your last breath, is you and we just go and live other people's lives.

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Dreams and we, when we come back to self and we checking in with ourselves every day in the mirror, and we're asking yourself, is this really good for me? Is this going to make me happy? Is this going to make me shine? What's my what's my instinct telling me? People make great decisions and I find incredible happiness that way. With you book the life plan. What I like about it is there's so many questions. Yeah, it's, I guess that's to your point of that self reflection. It's we need to work out what the answers are. This isn't saying you need to do this, this this this this. Do you think there really is an advice culture that is prevalent at the moment online with people saying this is what you need to do yet?

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It doesn't work for most people. We are unique, amazing, awesome human beings with a soul and and no one is the same. And there is no recipe for everybody. It's about creating your own recipe for life that works for you. You know, I've listened to you both quite a bit. You're both really different characters and

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You know, my husband's really an extrovert. I'm an introvert. I love being at home with the dog and the TV on and some footy on it. I think it's fantastic. And he, he needs people, he needs to go out all the time. And he's got a massive job and I might get you in a rest. So, so advice for him and advice is completely different. And there is a culture at the moment, wherever it's going, do this, do this, do this, and you'll feel like that and you'll be like that. Whereas I think it should be questions. You know, going back in and saying how will you thrive, going back to the beautiful three year old in the mirror and that person when you think of yourself in looking in the mirror when you're little and how free you were? Or when you were travelling overseas and how free you felt tapping back into that person in the mirror. Amazing, amazing. It is coming when you're, you know, life coaching session, do you find that you start to intuitively intuitively understand what approach will start to work with an individual within a

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minute. Yeah, I can't tell them.

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I gotta take them on a journey with I own the journey. So I always think of a life coach, a good life coach shouldn't be telling you what to do. They are the lighthouse. And you're the boat. And I'm going to shine the light a little bit for you. So you don't, you know, make some bad decisions, the rocks. But it always comes back to your values. And most people don't know their own set of values. Yeah, they like I know, I know, the company's values that I work for. I'm not sure of my own. And so the values of the base plate, what's the difference between an internal voice and anxiety so we might be thinking something, say the storey might be, I'm not really good at ordering a coffee, like I'm gonna get my partner to my default is if I'm out on a weekend. I'd much prefer to not have that many interactions. And so I understand that I've told a storey which is I don't like having to do like deal with staff. I'm very much

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Want to just pay a bill? Rather than having to try and work out any splitting? You know, I understand that there's internal voice. And then there's anxiety. How do you distinguish which things are serving you? And which aren't asking the questions. So everyone's got storeys, we love storeys and the human brain love storeys because it wants the easiest pathway. It's going, let's do what's easiest for me. But it might not be the best thing to do because you're just hiding away from something that could be a great challenge could give you great joy to change the storey. Yeah. So we always talk about appealing to your better self. And I always think of my 70 year old self and the storeys that I tell myself, I think was that really true? 100% true. And it's my seven year old self endorsing

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it so my 70 year old self is saying, yep, get up early and move your body so you can tie your shoelaces up even though I don't feel like it.

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Tapping into it's a skill. Oh, life coaches should be teaching you life skills to integrate it technically I'm a life coach. I did a life coaching course when I was 19 at the Coaching Institute i don't know if i actually finished it

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but it was at a time where I was a personal trainer and I wanted to deal with outside of the gym, you know, the stuff that goes on, you know, the, the stuff where it matters really the gyms the easy session, to be honest. And so I did this course. And Bryce, you know, I saw pack of 25 people that came through when everyone had kind of had the moment where it was a tipping point that we're all like, and there was probably 95% women. So I was this young 19 year old bloke in this room full of women were all titles, so I loved it, I loved it. But everyone I got to a point with our like, I'm done, and I and I've done a bit of work on myself, and I really liked the

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I can have conversations with friends and I and I really enjoy it and they then want to turn that into a job, what's a bit ly personal training there and sort of got the same vein of road that it's gone down but for me, it was completely the opposite. So for me, it was like after, you know, my, my next job with Apollo sunglasses and I had 200 athletes that I had to look after as the Jerry Maguire job then that was buying and selling athletes basically. And it was it was seeing the distraction behind the scenes. So we see them compete these athletes and I work so closely with them, their families, their girlfriend, the dog, the anti whatever it took for them to love the brand. But I got a real insight into the life of elite athletes and and the scale of

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how much they have to sacrifice of normal human behaviour to actually be the best. And I saw that no one really cared about them after you

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dropped from the cricket team

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that's EC lighter. You don't get anything from free anymore. You go from hero to zero overnight. You know your regard last week and this week you're, you know, you're finished now we've moved on to somebody else. And there was no catch. There was no safety net for them. So I saw a lot of gambling, alcoholism, you know, marriages crumble, people taking their lives. And I just, I just had alarm bells going off the whole time. And when I had chronic fatigue I was like, because I'd work seven days a week because sports on the weekend. I had no off switch, title fo mo fear of missing out. And I had to learn self care and had to learn what's my life plan as well. And I had to go through the depression of Who are you without your job because I couldn't do my job anymore.

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And that's when I decided to really target my athletes and help them build a live strategy to run alongside their athletic career.

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I mean, the problem with people would say this to me when I was at the course, like, you're 19. What do you know? Like legit, I had those questions from people. And so what I ended up taking from it was this great. I just had a great experience learning about this stuff and being interested in I kind of had this sort of, I won't make this my business, she was so invested in yourself. Exactly. And that's awesome. And, you know, I think a lot of people take a lot of doing the course for themselves. Yeah, I think Yeah, it'd be really nice to make a business out of that. But I was 110% focused on making a business out of it. And bringing it to the sport. Well, it was just a little bit before my time, because I couldn't quite handle it yet. Is there anyone that comes to you, that that isn't facing a problem, like I guess if you go and see your life coach, you're you're obviously in a corner or you're at a point or a crossroads. Are there varying levels of that? Are there people who are so self aware and in touch that they're doing it before they actually hit the wall?

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Get a life coach for myself. Yeah, because it's an investment. It's an investment you need someone to ask the questions. They can't sort of answer your own questions. Sometimes when you've got a neutral person who's not emotionally attached to you asking you questions and challenging you outside your comfort zone and challenging what you're doing. It's like having a silent business partner so the majority of my clients are not at a crossroad. They're very successful people they see either directors, they're high achievers, is that all I want you to challenge me. I want you to check that I'm not forgetting who I am while I'm on this incredible career trajectory or, you know, I'm in this up and coming athlete and I just want you to make sure I keep on check. So I'm the safety net or the silent business partner so to speak. These people seeking that discomfort because it is uncomfortable to sort of navigate these things that you didn't know about yourself this smart. Yes, they they know they know they want longevity in their career.

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that you need to have someone on your team that is not a peer or a friend because your friends will tell you what you want to hear. You can't really talk to your peers because they're giving away secrets or you can't talk to the coach and say I'm really struggling a bit because I'm having a fight with my mom.

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You know, these are some of the things I was dealing with with football is I'm having a fight with my girlfriend or an affair and I don't know what to do, but it's affecting my performance and I got to the coach until anyone at the club anything. I can't really friends, I can't tell if I who can I talk to so I, I am the vote of unbelievable secrets. I could write a book. I have incredible secrets where they can actually verbalise a lot of the time what they're thinking feeling or doing. And there's no one else that they could actually tell that to. What about someone who feels like they're suffering from chronic fatigue? What's the difference between being exhausted and feeling burnt out versus chronic fatigue. If you have full vulcanised

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fatigue, you can't move. Yeah, you actually are in bed all day and you cannot move. I couldn't, you know, put lights on have to put sunglasses on my eyes were burning. My ears still hurt today. So there's, you know, I go to my kids basketball matches and it's like

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hell, I've learned to meditate through those and shut my ears down. So there's a lot of lingering things for me I get really sore legs every night. I have to put them up the wall so that the nerve endings were birch I pushed so hard. Wow. I bet my body is it. Because I've always thought about the pebble to burn out to a degree you do. Is there a moment when you're in it? And you're going on? This is not good for me, but I'll continue to go Oh, every day. Yeah. Because I had this brain that had this work ethic built into it that was saying

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go to that party anyway, going to that you know yet we've got to do that presentation. We'll do it anyway. Don't take a day off. Oh no, no.

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It was my brain overriding my, what my body was telling me. And I also didn't value self care. I didn't value it. And you talk a lot about saying no, or being able to prioritise.

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It's interesting because it feels like young people have access to more content nowadays. They're, they're listening to podcasts and listening to audio books. And there is a lot of that advice around, don't work for free. Say No. And I see it happening with young people where they haven't yet gone through the journey of knowing what it is to work hard and to actually have a real crack. Have you worked out a way of identifying that what what advice because some people need to hear that they need to hear, you need to be able to say no, and then there's the other people who it's like, where you need to be at the abundance phase, you actually need to say yes to everything you need to grab on to the opportunity. I think it's knowing where you sit on the plan. So if you're

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We all do 20 year plans, which sounds freaky, and I can't wait to show you it sounds freaky but it's really simple and it shows you the ages and the stages so there's some ages and stages where you should be saying yes to everything you should be trying things working hard. You know, Gary Vee would say, you know, just awesome Jay this shit you know, he's like, just do the shitty jobs Yeah, I my son who's 15 I'm like yeah going straight down to help that's right you're getting a job. I'm not you're not on my payroll anymore. Red Rooster man. Yeah, he's got his CV in there is done McDonald's he's he's actually going to work for free at the bakery and I said you guys you just work for free you get experience you guys are but you know, I don't get paid doesn't matter. So it's about yet that is an entitlement that's come through. I've also got all of this information because of technology which is fantastic and coming with great abundance and we can learn everything we want to but people have no boundaries on that either.

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That's like opening the liquor cabinet discount crazy. People need some boundaries. I need to know what the hell yes and what the hell no. And the next two years, I'm just going to go and work really hard and know what that pain feels like or that sleep deprivation feels like but there's, there's gotta be some boundary. Well, I think it's, I experienced this when I was younger, the restlessness of where I wanted to be and where I was. And that was a hard time. I haven't felt it anymore. I haven't felt it in many, many years. But that is a it's a super hard time for people who are in a place where they don't want to be and they want to get to what is the what are some coping mechanisms that you found gets people out of that feeling of discomfort in their own existence, because I think happiness is about growing. And if you can put in perspective, I'm here for a reason. And I'm learning something or I'm challenging myself with something or I've got to change my mindset. We need to have a project going the whole time in in the brain.

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Because the brain is like a computer and if we don't programme and every day with what we want it to think and feel, the 60 to 80,000 thoughts we have every single day will be a washing machine and 90% of them will probably be negative. That's about that going to the mirror and taking control. I'm doing this at the moment are, it's uncomfortable, I don't want to be doing it. I want to get to there. But I have to do this first, Mike that the challenge make that a game make that an adventure. It's really about owning yourself and the way that you think about things and

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in terms of from a business perspective to because it's, you can really clear I mean, I can you can almost be I find it easier to think about where we're going in the business than I am then I than it is to do for my own personal life. Right. And then there's also I guess that's the closest easier. Yeah, it's actually no yeah, I mean, you've got to we're emotional. Yeah, the business is transactional at the end of the day. You know, I've got

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People that have sold the business and that was their heart and their soul and their life and they got their $30 million. And

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it shattered, it shattered because they haven't done anything emotional for so long. They haven't invested in their friendships, they haven't invested in their hobbies. They've got no projects outside of that on the go, and, and they completely lost and I've got to unpack them and then pack them up, or people love their coping strategies, which is, you know, coffee and alcohol and pills. And they just says destruction. You took a 20 week sabbatical deed and, and so you just tell me about that. So you just

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hit the pause. Well, what was most interesting was that you didn't make a phone call for 20 weeks. No. I mean, there's a lot of young people that

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are these young people who have never made a call in their life as well. But

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yeah, that's

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it was a big decision. So when we did the 20 year plan

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We saw that there was a one year window that we could take our kids out of school and have a sabbatical, the dream in the in the RV without doing homework because I was not interested in doing any homework. And it was my husband's 10 year

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long service. We said, should we do it? And we said, Yeah, let's never How can you regret it? And I'd built my business up, I'd written books, I had this thriving business life coaching was just becoming like, I think we understand what it is and I was going to walk away, like, Oh, no, everyone's going to take my clients and

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and you read in the book is it's really scary. What if we don't get along 24 hours a day, seven days a week? It's like it was it was really confronting everything about it was confronting and the minute that we got on the plane,

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we never looked back. We never we gave our kids the best experience. We had the most amazing family bonding time just by living in the mountains Ave in you know, okay, it's got the best education

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You have a pack that you could ever get because very unusual people live in RV packs. Is there an argument to say, Well, why don't you just do that full time? Why make it a sabbatical? Why not just have that as your default life? Because after the 20 weeks, we came back saying, we really want to do another 10 years of amazing work. You know, because we get such both of us love our jobs. He's a CEO, we get so much satisfaction in what we do. We both really believe in helping human beings and doing the right thing and teaching other people and I think it's really important that with that your passion is passions always been snow, and now ECCS trailer and snow Australia and so he picks the, you know, Olympic team, and he commentated the Olympics. He's living his dream on the snow. And for me, it's really about educating people on wellness and life skills that no one really taught me because I went available. Visit say, seems like there's a paradox with freedom because I feel like say on a Sunday

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I will say, not gonna do anything today. It's normally when I have like a crisis moment, because I have no constraints. I'm just like off that treadmill. Yeah, I, you know, I can go and I'm just like, I'm just going to do whatever I want. And it's just like, yeah, watching TV and eating shit food.

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Look at he's

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real. Wow.

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And so like, there is something interesting is that a misconception that with freedom there's, there's happiness. Well, the whole sabbatical for us was about life experiences. It wasn't about freedom. And I think what we want to do is build in life experiences. And we need to build our diaries so that we have a sense of freedom. So if it's a Sunday for you where you can do that, and that fuels up your tank, and you feel like rebellious, that's awesome. So we need to build in what you think your sense of freedom is.

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Amazing. Amai going to go to class at 930 in the mornings, freedom

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Everybody else is at work on like, really know, this is really frightening there isn't that, like I remember the most success I've ever had food wise was when I was switched from saying, I can't have that. I don't want that. Yeah. And so is that part of it is part of it saying?

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Because there's more fun things and yoga, but even TV

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it means choice. Yeah, I'm living the life I choose. And that's Success to me. Yeah. So I'm gonna either gonna choose to sit on the couch and eat food and watch Netflix all day. Or I'm going to go to my yoga class or, you know, I take one day off a month, and I leave the suburb and I go exploring, and I go to a yoga class on the other side of town and take myself out for lunch with my business partner and go and have a massage and it's like, everyone else went to work today and we just pretend we're on holiday some way so it's for me it's such a sense of freedom is living the choices

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Using my diary to choose so it's a mindset.

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It's It's how we control what we're thinking and what the storey we're telling yourself. So people say, I'm tired, I'm so burnt out and live so busy and there's not enough time in the day. And I'm like, Well, that's because you think like that. And if you think like that, what you're telling your body so I choose to say, today is full. And it's easy, and it's effortless, and we gotta run with it. Awesome.

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It's the same day. This is how you tell yourself, where does the negative self talk sit with you? Where do you find that you enter into that?

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I don't match. I get off very, very quickly. It leads to depression for me. So I have to get off at really, really quickly is that because you've implemented those kinds of strategies? Yes. Because every day when I wake up, my body does not feel good. Because Chronic Fatigue is like it's like this built in.

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Reset every night and so every morning I have to retrain

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My brain and my body, and then tell myself it's going to be awesome. And I've got lots of energy and today's easy, and then I just run with it. But if I get up and I tell myself, I'm exhausted, I will be exhausted. Yeah. I mean, I feel like these people get to that tipping point. And that moment where

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a lot of successful people have found, that I've spoken to have had that moment of getting to the end of their tether. And then they, the hard thing is it's, it shouldn't always be that it shouldn't always be someone gets seeking your family or you get sick personally, that then changes your health. But it's almost like that is to happen

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to happen, crucible moment or whatever the moment of

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hitting rock bottom to know where the limits are, because otherwise, we're always playing in a space of not completely standing. I remember filming some stuff at the minimalists and they spoke a lot you know,

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About this storey and everyone that came up and did the q amp a session now go up and talk, though don't have these long storeys of why they became a minute was like no one becomes a minimalist or an essential lyst with that going completely the other way having too much stuff. Yeah, have you over time started to adjust say removing things out of your life like the actual physical stuff? Yeah, yeah. So I set myself challenges every season. So we're in spring, so you know what, what, what can I do to upgrade my life? Just little bits at a time. So do I really need that? Or what's in my routine that's working or not working? Or what habits and what books Am I reading and I educating me and podcast? am I listening to? Are they giving me joy or not? Is Instagram helping me or not helping me just it's the questions. It's the challenging yourself to say, How can I get my ship to sail smoother and sometimes we're going to get a curveball. Absolutely

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We on some days, I'm not going to be able to train my brain. And let's go. Let's just get the percentage up. So 90% is good and 10% is bad rather than 5050. So you've thought about these things, you've you go, you've done the order, almost. And then there's a whole piece of work that's around action and implementing change, which I think is the hardest thing. We had something called organised August, which was getting organised but then I was pushing to have action August because I thought the action would bring a greater result than just spending the time organising the star made the checklist first, but

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but but do you?

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Do you need the checklist? I mean, I've action a lot in my life without even writing stuff down. I think you do that to Josh. Yeah. And so which one's more important, or are they mutually is important, I think mutually. I think one's a safety net for the other because we can go off on these tangents and do all of these things. It's a bit like my clients, I know I can go and copy

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People but at the end of the day, I have to have some super good records of what we've been talking about safety nets and things that sort of help the process be better. I think I think they've been hand in hand. We can get moving with no strivers again and again, yeah, yeah, no, I mean, that's Josh and I, as a business partnership, we do talk about the differences and the, you know, the maybe analytical and the dummy over here not thinking too much about it, but they're both sides of them. So I could start doing something action in it, which then forms the strategy without thinking about what the strategy was before I started it. Where that's like the the other business I have the essential lesson we've got endometrial working with me, and we're the yin and the yang, and I'm the, you know, crazy.

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Let's do ABC DNA today. She's like, Oh, well, well, well, well, we're going to think that through a little bit, or whatever it might be, and, and I'll have five ideas every day and

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Not all of them are great. And not all of them are real. And we need to just we need, you need both. I think you need both.

34:07
You have the getting to market quickly you're doing the thing and testing versus sitting on something. Have you gotten better at shipping the ideas? Or do you think over time as you get older, you actually become more conservative. And get conservative because I don't want to waste my job. But say, say writing books. You know, I think, you know, I wanted to write a book and I was like, yep, I'm going to be like Sarah, Jessica Parker, and I'm going to go the cafe. I'm in him a coffee and my laptop, punch out this book. It's all in here and I know it all blah, blah, blah.

34:43
Not good for me. Not good as described depressed. I write one sentence, because you know, I bumped into a few people I know and it's not like on TV. And so I went to the mirror, you go to the mirror, say how do you work your best What is this

35:00
set up for you to work at your best where you're just in the flow. And I said to my husband, I have to go away. So I went away for five days. And he said, I'll give you five days off. And I'll have to look after the kids and manage everything. So I just went down to Bulgaria for five days, and I wrote the lifetime. And I did not move and I would just get up in the dark in my pyjamas, and I would let sometimes I look up and it was four or five hours later. And I delved into the topic in into my brain so much, that's how work based so you've got to check in with yourselves about what's the setup that really works for you. But some people might love to write half an hour a day. That to me would be just

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amazing luxury. It's one of those ones where Tommy always jokes about the fact that for me, I need the moon in the exact right. I need the temperature. I made winners. Yeah. When he isn't that self serving because in one way when you go to play gallery and you do the work

36:00
You're amazing you're effective and so you're take that to the cafe yeah and so and so you're you're actually securing that as a thought or a belief that Yeah, I do my best work which is great.

36:14
Is there a way of hacking it so that you do you can create that special place that's closer where it doesn't mean that you have to drive an hour to get there and have to I think it depends on your circumstances. So for me you know, we've got a couple of teenagers and a dog and it's just full Action Stations and a lot of sport going on I need if I if I really want to do something amazing I have to remove myself and that's that's just a fact is the way it is I can't integrate that down in the cafe in Hebden Street. It just doesn't happen. But I do challenge myself also to not become too stuck in that mentality and just keep, keep allowing myself to flow a little bit and not get stuck. So we always say life is like a river. And you know, you want to flow don't get too stuck behind.

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Those big rocks because it becomes a bit stagnant. And that's where all the mosquitoes breed.

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So a lot of people that are stuck on their problems or stuck on their way of thinking they they that they that stingy water, I call them, and I'm like, you got to get back in the flow. And you've got to lighten up a little bit and you're going to not be so serious. And you've just got a lot going to flow. You know, we we get too bogged down on these little micro details sometimes. So yes, that's how I do my best work. But I do challenge myself to flow a little bit sometimes in in areas that is a bit more uncomfortable in the moon's not in the right place. And what do you say to clients who say, I can't get to where I want to be until I'm in the CEO position, and that CEO is not going to be moving for the next five years. So I'm going to have to stay here or I'm not going to be able to do the things I want to do until I have this house or, you know, this on my path. How do you coach through something? Well, I think you've got to believe you're already that person.

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What would that person be telling you to do today? You know, you've got to tap into that person in that dream and that vision. And that's we do a lot of vision creation work where, you know what, who is your Who are you in three years time. So what How old are you? So we just think about how old you are. That's how old you will be 34.

38:19
I'm 29 this week. So that means I'll be 32

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tap into that piece. I'm just doing math.

38:29
She's like, calculating.

38:33
For me, I'll be in my 50s. And it's about embracing that and saying, Well, what do I want, then? I'm pretty clear. I want to be the CEO of the house or whatever it might be. But it's about having the dream and being excited by that. But then coming into today and go on a rock today, because I know where I'm going. I know where I want to drive my car. I know where I want to get to. So how can I make today an awesome part of

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The adventure and not just I've got to drive along to get to that spot I've just you've got to really I think if you do have a great vision and you really emotionally connected to it and you really want it you can really deep into today and really enjoy it and challenge yourself and look for the opportunities. I really enjoy going to a cafe and just doing a bit of work from a cafe and having a coffee and just you know my favourite place is there a jessica parker? Yeah, almost. But I hadn't realised like doing Amos what I realised though, was when I was at this particular cafe in the window. I don't like going to the cafe I'm actually really busy and I've got enough got actually a lot of shit I need to get through. I enjoy when I haven't got much on and then that's the pace I'm just in my laptop just I might shoot one off. This is that freedom thing you're tapping into when you're a traveller Yeah, that's how you behaving like this Nomad and probably tapping into that, but my The hard thing to rectify my Brian is there is a lot of

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Work and I've seen what they've done here and any of the successes I've had in my life. It requires a whole heap of work and sometimes it's a bit crazy. And so I then look to that moment of me in the window in the cafe having not met john as the destination. But then I then I struggle guy, that's actually not going to get me to where I want to go. There's no friction. Well, maybe it is. Maybe it is because it's a bit like, you know, we're talking about athletes and MP boys as well. And for everybody, every human, we need pauses. We need it's, it's like I'm going to write a book called lifelock a tomato plant. We need pauses we need you know, you order a little bit we can't just flooded and then nothing and flooded nothing. So we need luck with the athlete I go and compete and they try and and they train and the hardest part for them is the time off because that's when you're refuelling but your brain saying Johnny over there is still training so they're going to beat me. But actually, it's your

41:00
refuelling and you're pausing, it's going to make you really powerful at the finish line because he's going to be burnt out and exhausted. So it's about valuing those pauses or allowing yourself to be in that cafe. And having the coffee and enjoying that saying this is this is also a really valuable part of this journey. Because the things are dropping in your brain and your thoughts are dropping and you're giving yourself a bit of space. Space is powerful. And overwhelm is not not nice. When there's when you what's what's your approach with overwhelm and when people because I can imagine a bunch of corporate

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so no one can breathe doing the shallow breathing.

41:41
You see people running around,

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gonna run to the toilet,

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run back out to the small way. And and and you can watch it and it's it's beautiful to watch when I go into corporate that I'm like, Wow, look at all these millions. No one's breathing are connected themselves more powerful. It's the ones that walk slower.

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It's the one that are breathing properly. They're the people with a presence. And the other powerful ones with an aura, not all the crazies. So it's about overwhelm is about checking in with the mirror and saying, I'm overwhelmed and my heart's racing and I can't breathe properly. And it's about what is your tool and your strategy to slow it down? Because it's in the slowing down, that we can be powerful and move forward. What are the causes of overwhelm that you've seen in your clients? no boundaries, no great habits of structure. So we talked about the bookends of the day is how you start and finish the day, your first and last hour of the day. And what are the habits that you have so that you feel grounded and supported and you're breathing properly and you're connecting with what you're doing and yourself and the rest of the day can be manic. But if you have no none of that, from the first thing you touch in the morning is your phone to turn the alarm off and then check everything and start all the stress responses.

43:00
You run through the whole day and you finish the day with the phone in your hand, scrolling a bit more and shoving a bit more into your brain?

43:07
How can you possibly be performing at your peak? It's not possible. I've got disappointed in myself at times, and having a child, young child where I don't get much time with him in the day because he goes to daycare, I'm at work, gotta pay the bills. And then that night time where I might have an experience of overwhelm, or lots going on, or just a bit brain fried, and then you end up being in that zone. And then I go, I should I need to spend time with my son. That's boundaries. So you know, in our house, everything by nine o'clock is off. So my teenagers don't like me very much.

43:47
So you may not have your back. Yeah. So

43:52
and no one's allowed to have any technology in their bedrooms. So I have to be the role model for that too.

44:00
Teach them, we don't want to sleep with the phone. That's your safe haven, that is where you're going to sleep. But that is not where we're going to fire up the neural pathways in your brain for addiction and gambling, while you're in the safety of your beautiful dinner. So when you have boundaries, it's really interesting after I take the phones away, and the iPads and laptops and everything goes away, it's a big box now to go around.

44:22
We're gonna be covered four of us. So it's really amazing. The whole energy of the hostess, guys, ah, I think God, she did that. And then we start talking. And then we can watch a show together or with the footy together or we can bond as a family. But if you have four people sitting on the couch going like these, that's just for people coexisting. That's not being a family. So it's about thinking, again, self connection, what works may and what doesn't work for me. And I know when I'm aimlessly scrolling, I get overwhelmed. My brain is stats, I could do more, I could do more and why am I doing that and why not doing that?

45:00
What am I not doing what that life coach is doing. And she's speaking on that stage and I want to speak on that stage and although it is not healthy, so the boundaries are really, really important. Feels like there's two types of people when they go on holidays. It's either the ones that will put an autoresponder on for their email, or the ones that will, and they'll get back to you when they're back. Or there's the ones that will be constantly checking their email and sorting it out. Because the idea of coming back to a business is more stressful. So you got to do what works for you. That's, that's this recipe thing. So I know with my husband, there's no possible way that could happen. This is athletes are competing all over the world, blah, blah, blah. So when we travel, it's really funny. We go Okay, well, we have

45:42
20 minutes in the morning, after breakfast after being with the kids. Everyone, you can check your stuff. And then before dinner, we do another half hour session. That's probably one hour out of the day. And then everyone feels like okay, it's okay. It's all in order, or sort of that I've

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told someone to do that I've outsource that. And it's a connected with a friend and then everyone's fine. So it's it's it's trying to work out the recipe I think that works for your family or for you personally. I mean, we've spoken to people that their storey they tell is that it works for me to be in my phone all the time. And then we've we've always tried to understand that it was actually a calculation that yeah, I think there's a counter Hillary the counter at the moment, I think to the switching off, is on I'm fine, like social media doesn't bother me and I can keep going. But what could they do with that time? I think that that is the thing. It's like, what who's it for? What's it for? Why are you doing Why are we doing this? And I guess to the point of if you have a business, that is a social media business, or if you're doing something that is you know, that's to the core, there is a case for that having more value value, but you need to understand that the job so he was

47:00
without a job, yeah. So if you took the job away, which is the

47:04
social media, whatever.

47:08
That's where the depression is, because this so disconnected from self, and I will, I will say that till the cows come home, then they could talk me blue in the face, but if I say don't take it away, who are you? They won't know. That's a really frightening place to be. And that's why people end up taking pills and, you know, looking at other coping strategies, because there will be a time when that won't serve them anymore. So who are you beyond a life coach? How do you how do you answer that? Who am I have a life coaching is what I do. But me the person I'm motivated, I love my yoga, I love walking. I love my family. I love my home. It's my sanctuary. So I put a lot of energy into my home.

47:54
I love reading books and challenging myself and yeah, and so this

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Whatever I choose to do, it just has to fulfil me. Yeah. The the audio book stuffs interesting that you talk about that that's sort of a way for you to disconnect or do something different or go for a walk, because I've fallen into late having an audio book every night going to sleep. Yeah. And that. And I guess the main thing I guess you take out of the book is everyone is different. It's your version isn't necessarily the the right version. And for Tommy, it's very different than it is for me how two people can work out whether this is what I want, versus this is what society says that I want? Well, you can't find the answer to that question. If you're in overwhelm, and running on the treadmill, and trying to do more all the time, it's in the pauses that you find the answer to those questions, because you you then go actually don't even working for me. Why am I doing that? Yeah. So

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If taking the phone away at 9pm is causing super anxiety, I need to go and challenge that and why that's happening or, and it's going back to your values. So I try and live by my own set of values, which is number one is health, because I've compromised, so it has to be my number one. And that's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. One of my that's my job, that's who I work for the business of me. The second one for me is family. And that doesn't mean it's my family happy and teenagers, that doesn't happen all the time. You can't really control it. So am I showing up being the best version of myself? Am I being a fun wife? Am I being a warm and nurturing mom because that's what I signed up to be. So if I can't bring that to the table, then I maybe need to look at why am I overloading so much work on to myself, or what? What am I doing that for? I catch so many people with gazillion dollars and I go What was I doing that for because all that value stuff is forgotten. And now I've got

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Nobody or I'm not fulfilled, or I'm depressed or whatever it is. And the third one for me is achievement I need to achieve every day. And so sometimes doing a meditation is harder for me than writing a book.

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But I need to value that the meditation was more important than writing the book, because it'll give me longevity, it'll unscramble my brain, are you going to the cafe,

50:24
you need to value that that's a really important part. I mean, these things are hard when you're in a relationship, a business partnership, because sometimes it could almost seem selfish, that you're putting in the effort to better yourself before putting the effort to the other side. It's not what I think I think, you know, I feel like I've got my exercise room, my meditation room. And so there's been times where I've had to say, like, put my wife in a bad position, and I can feel a bit of guilt. But then I'm like, I need to do this for me. Because then

51:00
you're happier person, or you'll show up better for the family or you'll show up better here. What if you don't have the support, though, from the partnership? You know, it's difficult. That's the communication has to come in. So,

51:14
you know, my, my, I go to health retreat every year for a week. And you know,

51:20
at one time my daughter was at the dinner table and she said, Why do you have to go away mom? And my husband chipped in straight away, and he said, Do you want your mom to be happy? Oh, do you want it to be happy? Or here? Or do you want it to feel a little bit resentful, or whatever it might be. My cat jumped in because you're about to blow up.

51:40
And it was really good because it was like, we like my husband travels quite a bit too. So we have a lot of logistics in our house and we love it. We like this is like super exciting life. Can you believe this is our lifestyle. No week is ever the same. It's awesome. And we really embrace it and and

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Look at as it's a big positive where some people go, Oh, yeah, but you know, it's a lot of work and it is. But when I got these adventures that we're on over time, it's really exciting. But yeah, the going away is, is, you know, for my family, you know, I've had to sort of train them that it's actually really important for me to go and be still to get creative to reflect on the year to make sure I can turn up being the best version of myself for the next year with some good goals for myself or some great habits for myself. And that's what that's what I like to do. But that's not for everybody, of course, non negotiable goals. You talk about them being I remember the first time hearing about non negotiable roles. I had a boss who had been away for a month, and I ended up having a couple of people that are sort of reporting to I did all of this different work. I was working the hardest that I'd ever worked. And they came back and they said I did you do this this and this was like, Oh, no, but I look at all these other stuff. I did. And it was like a big lesson, Nina

53:00
focus and non negotiable and what what things actually matter?

53:07
What are your non negotiable is at the moment and how often are they changing?

53:13
My non negotiable is is moving my body because when I don't well I feel like chronic fatigue just comes in so it doesn't matter what the weather is I have to move my body and I have to get up early and I have to do it. So it's either walking or yoga or GM.

53:28
non negotiable. IK What sports on with the kids mom's got to go first. What about if you got a cold?

53:36
It's really challenging my mind. So I have to allow myself that's that thing flow being and do you think I raised? Is it the physical action? Or is it mentally saying I'm in control and I'm doing both? Yeah, I think it's both Yeah, but I'm a lot kinder to myself now. I don't hit myself it well. Don't push too hard. What's like food? I think that's a big one with food. It's the

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I think a lot of people are in those cycles of I'm just going to eat that thing doesn't make them feel good. And they also made a bad choice. And it becomes this cycle and a lot of the time, you know, with my kids when they're in primary school non negotiable with a Mom's going to meditate for 10 minutes, and I put my big headphones on time, you know, mom's got the headphones on. And I go, we know, we know you've got your 10 minutes, and I just sit there and I put the noise cancelling headphones on it was a non negotiable for me because it really did unscramble my mind. And it gave me energy to then go and cook the dinner, do the homework, the the sport, you know, after school sports stuff, so they knew that mom just needs that 10 minutes. So it's just what's important to you, I think, the next generation for younger people who are going to start entering into the workplace, what do you see as the competitive advantage that a young person can

55:00
Having 2019 what sort of skills? What sort of non negotiable? Should that could they be looking at? Or what questions should they be asking themselves? I think they need to really challenge themselves to be on their journey and not other people's journey. Because I think with the introduction of social media, that's become a lost skill. Whereas, you know, when you were my age, at my age at school, you know, if someone's I wanted to be a nurse, they just wanted to be a nurse and you wanted to be a secretary, you want to be there wasn't this? Well, you know, everyone's being a nurse, I should be a nurse, you were sort of, there wasn't all this comparison in your face the whole time. Whereas now it's sort of follows you everywhere, what everyone's doing, and it's this underlying obligation that you have artist. it in and joining is I think the skill is really going to be these life skills. It's about sticking to your values, making decisions that work for you. constantly asking yourself the powerful questions that keep you in tune with yourself.

56:00
And backing yourself and having faith in yourself and trusting yourself and and trying those things. There's also a move in this world that seems to remove friction. So it's like food delivery is is really easy. Get You know, the amount of human interaction you have seems to be reducing. When is friction good? When is finding the easier path good versus when should you lean in the thing that's going to actually take more effort? Well, it's about evaluate. It's like what what do you think is important? So, you know, for me foods are not that important. I'm not a foodie. So for me, it's just food and I just eat it and try and be healthy. But some people are really obsessed by I want to put all the time at me and my business partners of foodie so she grows her own vegetables. The amount of time and effort that she puts into is staggering, but that really fulfils her and is important to her. For me, not important, it's just fuel

57:00
Putting good view but I'm not putting in all the love and the energy. And these are a mindfulness still to that because I guess you can, when you think about that sort of stressed overworked person, they're making unconscious choices where they're just eating crap while they're driving. So it's about checking in with yourself, is it working. So for me that works, because breathing is more important to me. The slower that I can breathe, and when I'm driving my car, and I'm push the bottom half of the seat belt out. That's my challenge. I'm a little sticky on the dash it says breathe.

57:34
If I can breathe and podcasters here, so if I can breathe and learn something while I'm driving,

57:40
I just feel powerful. And I can be creative and I can do anything I want. And I can solve all these problems. And that's my little strategy. But for here, it's silence and nourishing. So everyone's got their own. No, it's the same. That's why I don't like to give advice because you've got to really tap into what what are the things that are going to be important for you on your journey.

58:00
But I think for the next generation in self connection, because they've lost it that they don't know. And even at school, you know, everyone does the running race gets of ribbon, everyone's different wants to be the same. No one wants to stand out anymore. It seems like the formula for you know, varying successes sticking at something, but the hardest bit is working out how to stick at something. So showing up every day or going to the gym every morning. Like all these things sounds super easy. The complexities in the actual Yeah, actually soft skills are the hardest step. Yeah. So it's what what do you do to support yourself to be able to do that it's really important. So for me, you know, there's reminders on my phone,

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my mirror in the bathroom, you'll just laugh at these. I use them whiteboard markers, it's full of words.

58:52
So it's, it says today's easy and effortless. I feel terrific. Responsibility versus blame. My values are

59:00
Begin in the middle. So every day I'm in the shower, I can just see.

59:04
That's how I'm programming my brain today. So most people don't have a visual. And that's why the fall off. Have you had your screensaver, someone lifting weights, and you wanted to go to the gym every day? Well, if you saw that person every single day in your brain, it would help you go to the gym because you'd be connected to that person thing, or they didn't get those muscles by sitting on the couch. Yeah, I got them before you say you need that reminder. I think so you need a strategy. That's why I call myself a life strategist and a life coach, but you need a strategy to support the goal. You can't just say I think I'm going to eat healthier or you know, I'm going to go to the gym every day. You need a strategy. What time has it work. It's like brushing your teeth. You know that brushing your teeth was drilled into you as a child. You know, you teach your kid to do it twice a day. So that it is so ingrained that they don't even think about and so for me, it's so ingrained I think about it seems like Australians

1:00:00
could potentially look at some of this stuff in the last bit. It's a bit wonky, you know, I like it focusing on this or or that, is that been something that you've had to push back on? Are there people who are like that don't want to enter that space of having the, you know, the stuff that will actually help them the self help, and then pushing back on it. Sometimes, like, I get a lot of inquiries, and I can tell in a minute,

1:00:29
it's gonna be a training client, we're going to do it. And whereas I tend to sign on full to them, and I don't take them because it's just draining. They just want a cup of tea and they want to talk about what they want to do, but they're actually not going to do it. Yeah, they're not ready, you got to be ready. And I think until you hit that crisis, as we were talking about, that's when people are ready. That's when make great change. Or they're people that are real go getters, who, who who think I need a bit of support, but I need a strategy and a structure. They do it by also

1:01:00
And sometimes some people email me every day. Yep.

1:01:04
went for my walk or whatever it is. But that accountability factor is actually really powerful for them. They're not accountable to anyone but yourself. And then if you can hack it where you're only accountable to yourself as enough, yeah, that that is really tough. I wouldn't do that.

1:01:22
Because I don't often feel like getting up at 530 for myself, who's who's next? He says he was like, Come on, let's go or I've got to meet my friends at the corner in the dark under the lamppost and if I don't go they're going to call me soft. So I've got it's bit windy and rainy. And I'm like, I don't want it today. I will. I will copy it so badly that I go, or I booked the yoga class the day before that everything is everything is booked the night before that we say tomorrow starts today.

1:01:53
Everything tonight, I know it's going to happen tomorrow so the clothes are out ready. So I feel I would feel so guilty of it and put those clothes

1:02:00
On so it's it's a structure but doing it all just be yourself. It's pretty dangerous. Yeah, I mean Josh and I sticking at this podcast it's it's definitely when the the two of us the when I don't feel like it's supporting each other through Yeah, yeah, yeah you're a craftsperson as well because like looking at the life plan your book it's a it is one of those books that you can have on your coffee table I got him books me going to bed last night my wife and she said any cooking book like it looks beautiful. It looks like it's a coffee table book is what she said. I say that's music to my ears because I went to penguin I said I want to do a cookbook in life skills. And they looked at me like what do you mean and I said all the books on the shelf as I'm boring

1:02:48
and they got great content but I can never get through them because it's a boring it goes. It's too long in one topic for me. So how can I give them short recipe so it's like the Jamie Oliver

1:03:00
You know, meals in 10 minutes for each skill is broken right down into what's essential and how to do it, etc, and what the powerful questions are. And I wanted it to look pretty so that you keep it on your coffee table, and you wouldn't put it on the shelf, whereas everything else goes in on the shelf. And so Sharon cans was a photographer and, and we spent three days and every single page, the photo was taken for that page magazine, you should work to porridge recipe and they just

1:03:29
but I had this vision and it was really clear about how can we make life skills look good? Because they're not taught at school. We never learned values and vision and proper goal setting and all of that at school we never learned and if you don't go to conferences in the corporate world, and you're stuck in the middle, how do you learn it? And that's why I write the book. I really passionate about teaching people life and wellness skills for coping strategies for life really for the whole family. So I said yeah, I think it has to look now I think

1:04:00
From a strategic point of view to it's not something it's not the type of book that you read once you've worked it out, and then you put it away. It's a it is that reference guide, like I think it's, there's a few books, there's one called daily rituals, which I have the audio book. And that comes me because it's like, I can just hear artists and philosophers and different people and how they go through their day and sort of creates almost a routine for myself. They've got habits, yeah, they've got a structure. And I think that this is almost the next step of that it's being able to say out like,

1:04:34
what are some of those centering questions? What are the what's the little recipe that I can put together today that I can implement tomorrow or this week? I guess that's one of the things that I've learned is like, everyone wants everything done straight away. They want to go from like their, their cell phone that they're not completely happy with and then wake up and be their perfect self. I guess this is a great reflection on that. These things. Take time and

1:05:00
You need to eat right? And it's one step at a time and one action one routine one. embrace that. Yeah, I love it. And so it's this awesome, exciting journey to get back in control, to get off that treadmill of life that overwhelm and everyone else. And it's really fun ride because you checking in with yourself every day you've got your values, there is your base plate, you've got your vision, you've got some goals, you've got some great boundaries, and if that's who you work for, that's who you are without your job. Yeah. And that's a really fulfilling place to be. And a lot of the people who are high achievers come to me and they lack fulfilment. It was never too late to work at you valleys. Never too late. It's super exciting. And when they do the light bulbs go on. This is awesome. Yeah, this is my new job. And I'm like, Yes, this is the best job. So good. Shanna, thanks for coming on the show. I think it'd be very quiet. I think what we should do TJ is pick a page Ah,

1:06:00
What's out and then posted on our storey?

1:06:04
I love the options of the values. So it's like a menu, which I think it's helpful because the thing about questions being written somewhere is my brain doesn't come up with these. To be honest, I'm not that smart, my neighbour.

1:06:19
What's the overwhelm? If you try it the paradox of choice if you've got too much, you know, if we don't have constraints, it's very hard to move forward. And especially when you are in the fog, you are in the dip it everything seems way harder. And so this is that recipe of being able to say he's actually something that I can focus this is about clarity. So most that I get emails every week, I read the book, I've got clarity. I have a clear vision. Now I've got all the fog has gone because I've just titled A centred myself again. So you pick it up and put it down, you know, once a year or whatever, you race into yourself, you re ground yourself and you'll find clarity for the year. Awesome. Thank you so much.

1:07:00
coming on. Thanks for having me to daily talk show hi the daily talk show.com if you want to send us an email if you've enjoyed the show, take a screen grab share it on Instagram. Also, Apple podcast reviews are appreciated. Otherwise, we'll see you tomorrow. Hey guys. Thanks for having me.