Scooter Derek Panning For Gold

Derek: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 392, and it's Weekend Banter.

Tommy: What's happening, guys? What's going on?

Josh: We got Scooter Derek is in the building.

Tommy: Dirty Dez, Dirty Desmond, how are you, mate?

Derek: Hey guys, I'm fantastic, mate.

Tommy: Um, you're turning into a puppy dog.

Josh: What does that mean?

Tommy: Like, look at him, just the hair and the beard. I don't know, a bit shaggy. No, no, no. A Schnauzer. Schnauzer. My mate's Schnauzer had epilepsy. Poor little fucker. Just—

Derek: It sounds like a kind of a gun that a Nazi would carry.

Tommy: Do you know what a Schnauzer is?

Derek: It's like a small Airedale.

Tommy: Well, I don't know. I shouldn't have asked. They're just a little woolly dog. The thing is they've got like these little—

Mason: Beard.

Tommy: Yeah, they've got moustaches. I tell you—

Josh: Is it the chum dog?

Mason: It's my dog.

Josh: No, it's not. I've got a miniature schnauzer.

Tommy: Do you have a miniature schnauzer?

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Oh, we've got a schnauzer expert in the building. Do you think he kind of looks a bit like Schnauzer?

Mason: Yeah, it's getting there.

Tommy: Welcome to Weekend Banter 3.

Josh: Are you okay?

Tommy: This is why you don't do any intros. Welcome, Desmond. It's a pleasure to have you here today, mate.

Derek: I'm absolutely stoked to be here. Not just to be here on your show, but especially the Weekend Banter. One of the early— how many guests have you had on Weekend Bangerz?

Josh: This is the— you'll be our 5th.

Tommy: 2nd. This is the 3rd.

Josh: It's Gemma, Pete, Bree, Amy, you.

Derek: And that's pretty good. It's pretty good. That's a good crew.

Josh: I mean, you were listening early on to the Daily Talk Show. I go through my Instagram and there is footage of you talking to the camera while on Punt Road.

Tommy: Oh, that's right.

Josh: Yeah. And that was— I reckon that was before I'd even actually met you. Maybe.

Tommy: I mean, there's— that's not to say much because you haven't met a heap of people that we speak with through our podcast. Like, what's his name up in Sydney?

Josh: Trev.

Tommy: Trev. We've never met Trev.

Josh: Yeah, not in, not in IRL.

Tommy: Never met in real life. We're thinking about sending up 3D Deal to stay at his place, but we know what happens to wives that 3D Deal encounters.

Derek: Oh, steady up.

Josh: No, but he's serious.

Tommy: What episode, what was your first episode that you listened to of our show?

Derek: Oh, it's a really tricky one because I'm, you know, I'm a little bit older than you guys, only a touch, but I don't remember shit. I think it's the first post-butt-squeegee thing. I don't remember that one, but I went back and had a listen, of course, when it was referred to.

Tommy: Yeah, and what he's referring to is episode 14, should you wish to look into our archives.

Josh: Well, I had a meeting with someone the other day who was keen to come on the show No. And then I said, oh, how did you sort of, what episode did you start listening? Never ask that question.

Tommy: Did you say never ask that question?

Josh: Yeah, never ask that question.

Tommy: Never ask that question.

Josh: Because they said, they're like, oh, you know, I haven't had a chance yet to get into it. Which begs the question, if you're going to ask to be on someone's podcast, is it etiquette that you at least fucking listen to one?

Mason: Yeah, definitely.

Derek: If you ask the, sorry, if you ask them, to come on. I don't think they're under any obligation to sit through your drivel. No, no, no, you've done before. However, but if they say, can I come on, then most absolutely, most definitely, if you don't do a little bit of homework and find out at least their format or their structure, then you're a twit.

Josh: Have you had anyone that's, um, because you've got a few, uh, podcasts, Hang On to Your Hat. Yep, uh, Gangbusters. Yeah, it's— no, it is like, um, I mean, you're playing in a specific area which is fatherhood and dads But anyone can be interested in it. Have you had anyone being like, I'm a dad, can I be on your show?

Tommy: Where you—

Derek: Tommy? No, we haven't. Asking for guests is a, is a really big, a big step in, you know, having a podcast that has guests. Yeah, it's huge. It's hard to do. And the confidence kind of is exponential.

Tommy: What's stopping you though? Because you can just—

Derek: at first you go, oh, well, I don't want to I don't want to use them up too soon. Yeah, because, and they're going to say no because they're going to go, how many episodes?

Tommy: I, I, I—

Derek: 3. And so as it goes on, the confidence is that it's exponential. Yeah, it goes up and up. Oh, we've got a product.

Tommy: I would say my observation is podcasting is easier to get guests on than most things. Yeah, I think people still see this sort of glossiness to podcasting. Like, I've seen people on other people's podcasts and I've thought What the fuck? But it's like, but then I'm like, ah, okay, it's about the format. Like, I think we've had a bunch of people who've— it was their first podcast.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: And so it's like, yeah, not everyone has been on one. I think it's a, it's a place where you get to sort of explore someone's life and thinking, and people like that.

Derek: And there's no— there's absence of that terror of what you say is done, is is out there forever. Like, okay, that's not absent today thanks to your live stream, right? But people are a lot more likely to say, yeah, all right, I'll give it a go. Especially when you do the— I do— you guys don't, but I do the thing where I go, look, if you suddenly go on a rant about your ex-wife and then realise it's going to lose you $100 grand, yeah, then it's fine, I'll whip it out.

Josh: Have you had to delete?

Mason: Yeah, I have.

Derek: I've dropped an episode, an entire episode. Why? It was someone just went and checked their—

Josh: Lawyer?

Derek: Yeah, pretty much. Their employment contract. They were in the public sector and it was a bit on the Israel Folau. It wasn't hate, but he was referencing, as we always do sooner or later, drug use. So therefore it was like, oh, I'm a bit uneasy about that. And I said, I can chop it all out. And in the end I went, you know what? Don't worry about it, come back in, we'll have a chat, we had a great chat, let's not fuck it up, let's go have another chat, cover the topics we were covering anyway, and don't sweat it.

Tommy: That's why I just like having our own thing that we can do it, we're not going to get fired anywhere for now.

Josh: I mean, uh, we also have Mr. 97 joining us at the table as well if you're listening to the audio version.

Tommy: Schnauzer expert, um, is in. Mr. 97, I was, I walked in here today, so I walked from probably about 5Ks.

Josh: You didn't just, I thought you meant you walked into the office.

Tommy: So I took took Brodie to the dirt jump park and had him hitting some hills. Loved it. But then I was on Chapel Street and Amy was going to drop me in at the studio. But then she, I was like, I'll just take him home because you're closer to home and I'll just walk down Chapel Street.

Mason: Beautiful.

Tommy: A couple of things. I was walking next to this woman with a dog. The dog was getting a lot of attention. It was a Chow Chow.

Josh: Lot of dog chat.

Tommy: Blue tongue. I think dog chat's probably better than podcast chat on a Saturday weekend. I reckon we just steer clear of the podcast chat.

Mason: What about food chat, Josh?

Tommy: Food chat's probably more relevant for the weekend.

Josh: Baked eggs.

Tommy: Baked eggs. Disappointed?

Josh: Uh, no, we were in the suburbs, 17.

Tommy: That's it, that's not bad.

Josh: Which includes chorizo.

Tommy: Oh, that's fucking— that's a bargain.

Derek: Jesus.

Josh: And so it was a blue— the dog had a blue tongue.

Tommy: Yeah, Chow Chows have blue tongues. They look like mini teddy bears. They're walking, they're like a Japanese dog or some kind of some Asian breed, and they are fucking expensive. Thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars, probably 3 grand. For a good one. Yeah, $3,000 to $5,000.

Mason: Yeah, blue tongue's weird though.

Tommy: Yeah, they're fucking weird looking things.

Josh: Anyway, I was thinking, we're getting bogged down on everyone.

Tommy: No, no, no, everyone's got their price. I was just thinking to myself, how much do you reckon this woman would have to be paid for her dog right this minute? What would you—

Josh: what, maybe for what?

Mason: To get rid of the dog?

Tommy: Like, if I go, I got a million bucks cash on me right now, million bucks, Will you give me a dog? Like, do you think—

Mason: nah, because— no, because they become— they become part of the family. So like, I wouldn't— I wouldn't give my dog up for like a billion dollars.

Josh: A billion?

Tommy: No, I don't know.

Josh: Stupid. Is that the dumbest?

Mason: No, dead serious.

Tommy: You have to have—

Mason: once you have a dog, you realize—

Josh: I've had a dog. Yeah, it died. Its name's Molly.

Tommy: And you would have preferred billion dollars?

Josh: Yeah, I would have 100% if I'd cashed in But Mr.

Tommy: 97, let's just flush this out. Flush this out. Okay, flush, flush it out. Flush it out. And then flush it out upside down.

Josh: Think about it.

Tommy: Think about it. Yeah, you've got, let's say, a billion dollars. That was your number that you said you'd reject, you fuckwit.

Josh: I mean, these games are silly though.

Tommy: I know, but this is fun.

Josh: But it always goes into— because Bree asked me like, um, about sucking someone off and how much I would. And then apparently if I say under half a mil, I'm all about all of a sudden, gay tendencies.

Tommy: I knew it.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: Well, it's a little bit like, it's almost, it's in traps.

Derek: 10 grand, free. Get over it.

Josh: 10 grand.

Derek: Maybe I've got to go up with inflation.

Tommy: Let's say your schnauzer, you know, some kind of casino tycoon has got a billion dollars because he loves your puppy and he wants it.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: But think about, think about that. Like the money. Think about what you could do with it. Think about how much you could help the world. Even if you said, I'm going to donate 90% of this, you still got $100 million.

Josh: Good math.

Tommy: It's— I mean, we're working with a pretty round number.

Derek: Question for you, Tom, this example, is this for the Chow Chow person or anyone?

Tommy: Well, I just saw it and I was like, ah, I was like thinking, imagine, I think everyone's got their number.

Derek: Yeah, but if someone's got a Chow Chow, they're gonna— they're probably— a million dollars does— might not mean as much to them as someone with a ratty old, you know, ex-Australian Jack Russell.

Tommy: I mean, the Chow Chow's better looking than his Schnauzer. No offense, your Schnauzer's probably got problems. You got any problems?

Mason: No, she's sweet.

Tommy: Any, any kind of health issues? Doesn't like any kinds of food?

Mason: No, she eats everything.

Tommy: No wonder he doesn't want to get rid of this thing. It's a dream dog.

Josh: I mean, all seriousness, you probably— there would be a price, but yeah. But you don't because it seems so silly.

Mason: Yeah, but I mean, I guess, I guess it'd be comparable to giving away Bodhi.

Tommy: No, it's not, mate. Well, no, but it is for me.

Josh: Yeah, but for a trillion dollars—

Tommy: human trafficking. I cannot sell my son. You're legally allowed to sell your fucking dog.

Josh: Yeah, that's it. He's got a fair point.

Tommy: Have you got a pet?

Derek: I've got, yeah.

Tommy: What do you got?

Derek: Uh, I got two guppies.

Tommy: What's a guppy?

Derek: It's a very small fish. And it doesn't have any life worth— like, I would—

Tommy: it wouldn't—

Derek: I don't have any connection to it.

Tommy: So you'd take it a thousand bucks?

Derek: Maybe take about 8 because it cost me 4, and that's doubling your money.

Josh: No, I like the idea of fish. The problem with fish is the changing of the water filters.

Tommy: I mean, it's not a thing. I thought of another fun game.

Josh: Is it really not a— is it similar to the dry ice? You need a license. Could I get away with having a fish without without a filter.

Tommy: Okay, I'll tell you how you do this. You get, um, not sea snails, just get snails for the, for the tank and they clean the tank.

Josh: Is this true?

Tommy: Well, I had, I had fish. I didn't have fighting fish. Did you say you— no, no, these little guppies.

Derek: The guppies are tropical, which means you have to have the warmer stick and the filter and all the business.

Tommy: You definitely found on the side of the road.

Derek: No, no, the fish tank, it's Clover's. I bought it all for her, my daughter's birthday. But it saved me.

Josh: What's your daughter's name?

Tommy: Clover. It is actually. I like that name.

Josh: How did I not know that? I didn't know that either. When you said Clovers first, I thought you meant that's a pet, like a Clovers pet shop or something.

Derek: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A legendary left-wing mayor of Sydney.

Tommy: Hang on, you've got Thomas and Clover.

Derek: That's right. Oh, you're saying I've only got one weird name and one normal name.

Tommy: Yeah, but how'd you land on, how'd you land on Thomas and then Clover? I like Clover. I think Clover's more creative and beautiful than Thomas.

Josh: Well, Clover could be a celebrity. Clover's going to be at, um, what's that That everyone goes to, music festival?

Tommy: What, Coachella?

Josh: No, Coachella.

Tommy: Oh yeah, Clover would go to Coachella.

Derek: Every— definitely every second generation of my family, the males, have been called Tom.

Mason: Okay.

Derek: For, for longer than anyone knows.

Tommy: Thomas Legal.

Derek: And every other generation is called William, and it's flipped over like that. So my dad's called Tom, and his grandfather was called Tom, and his grandfather was called Tom, and the other ones I was meant— my brother was meant to be called William, but they just— it was the '60s and they called him Russell instead.

Josh: When in the '60s, call him Russell.

Derek: And so that was always gonna— I just said, look, that's how we're gonna roll. Yeah, cool with that. And Fiona goes, yeah, it's all right.

Tommy: But then now Tom has to take that down if he chooses to have children.

Derek: He doesn't, he doesn't have to do anything.

Tommy: Doesn't have to do it. So tell us, Clover, how'd you get to that name?

Derek: I don't know, Fiona came up with it. And you were thinking about names, girl names, when she was pregnant with Tom because it was like that don't tell us the gender thing. I've told you that storey before. I know when I— they do the scan thing and they go, do you want to know the gender? And you go— and Fiona goes, no. And I said, well, I do, but you got no rights. Like, like I go, I want to know. I mean it. I want to know. I don't like surprises. I just want to fucking know. Yeah, I don't want to get bundles of girl clothes.

Josh: You start preparing the reveal, have to get rid of them again.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: Did you see the burnout reveal?

Derek: Yeah, it went on fire.

Josh: Did you see that?

Tommy: No, I didn't.

Josh: Oh, and they poured—

Tommy: they must have poured some shit under the tire.

Derek: Someone did a burnout and it was blue smoke everywhere, and then the car went on fire. They got arrested.

Josh: Gender reveals, for whatever reason, do go horribly wrong. Something happens similarly in California where a huge forest fire due to gender, because they were doing pyrotechnics. People get into pyrotechnics and stuff. But anyway, so you— did you get to see, find out?

Derek: Well, what happened was this— the person who did the scan, who obviously saw the dick—

Josh: well, so this is for Thomas—

Tommy: they don't know. They, they— what they say, it's like, oh, I can be 70% sure.

Josh: Anyway, I—

Derek: so we went to leave the area, and there's the, the airlock door that you can't get into without pressing a button sort of thing in the hospital scanning place.

Tommy: And you just saw a silhouette.

Derek: We walked out, Fiona was walking in front, Fiona was walking in front, and I pushed the door open and she walked through, and then I pulled it closed to lock her out, right, and ran back in and caught up with the— they probably thought I was a weirdo. Well, I was a weirdo. And I ran back into the scanning person who was just going back to their tea room. You know, in between doing scans, having an anaesthetic. Excuse me, what's the, um, what's the gender? I want to know the gender, right? And the person looked at me like behind you on a horror movie when they go and then, and they go, they're looking at someone and then they look kind of, they open their gaze a bit more like with fear.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, like something's behind you, like there's a monster behind me.

Derek: And I went And I looked around, Fiona's standing right behind me going, what are you doing? She'd got back in and she never found out. Never found out. So we were in the— that leads us back, closes that other loop. So I was sitting around in the bar that I just bought and we're trying to decide what to call the bar.

Josh: Well, you bought a bar?

Derek: Yeah, it was called Willow.

Josh: So that—

Derek: which is the punchline. So thanks. So we— thanks for that.

Tommy: So we You didn't have to say the punchline.

Derek: Sorry. Well, you said that I wasn't.

Josh: So is the punchline going to be, and we called it— what's the bar called? I've already forgotten the punchline. Willows.

Tommy: Anyway, go ahead.

Derek: We're sitting there and I really love the name Willow for a baby girl.

Tommy: Yeah, it's beautiful.

Derek: I love it. I love it. Known a couple of nice Willows over the years.

Josh: That's the name of the bar.

Derek: That's the point. So we're sitting at the bar and I'm, my head's just, we're supposed to be working out names of the bar, but my head's just trying to go over names for girls. And I went, I really like Willow as a name. What do you think, guys? And they go, yeah, that's perfect. And that's how it was like, it ended up being the bar name.

Tommy: I see. You called the bar Willow.

Derek: My partners went, yep, done. I love it.

Josh: Willow. But Willow sounds like should have a sister named Clover. They feel like they're in the sort of same realm.

Tommy: That's where I thought it was going. But what you're saying is you called the bar Willow instead of your daughter.

Derek: Both of them are noxious weeds in Australia. Obnoxious? Willow. Yeah, noxious.

Josh: And how do you spell it? N-O-X-I-O-U-S. Yeah, noxious. 3D Deal, can you please look up the word noxious?

Derek: Yeah. Noxious weed.

Tommy: It's the opposite to obnoxious.

Derek: It's a weed like, um, what's that one that gets all over the hills and everything?

Josh: I can't remember. Bamboo is a big one.

Derek: Bamboo. Yeah, it's like that. Willow trees, they planted them, they grow along riverbanks.

Tommy: They're beautiful and they sort of drape down.

Derek: They look beautiful, but in Australia they fuck up the waterways. Do they?

Josh: Yeah.

Derek: They suck all the water out.

Tommy: You can pull off the sort of long sort of, they look like cords and you can just whip. You can just get whipped. They're awesome.

Derek: They don't belong here. And clover's similar.

Josh: Did we find out what noxious was, Freddie?

Mason: Yeah. So, noxious is an adjective meaning harmful, poisonous, or very unpleasant.

Tommy: And don't call your daughter that, mate. That's fucking disgusting.

Derek: It's too late.

Mason: And on the willow trees, it is illegal to sell or plant willows in Australia with the exception of the Salix babylonia, weeping willow, and subspecies of pussy willow.

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah. We knew that. So, there you go. There's a few trees.

Josh: Little backstory.

Tommy: Isn't it funny? There's these trees, they used to be called black boys. And now I think it's pretty elite. I don't think people call them black boys.

Derek: They're called native grass tree.

Tommy: Okay. But they get stolen. So, they're like a native to the coastline. They're beautiful. They're like sort of like—

Derek: Oh, they're all through the Grampians everywhere.

Tommy: Really?

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: They kind of look like, they're like a black stem. Like there and then just like a little—

Josh: Yeah, expensive as fuck. I remember our next door neighbours. It's a weird thing when you like, when we moved house when I was a kid and we went to a posh neighbourhood, it's funny what people obsess over. It's like expensive plants. Like they'll say we had a palm tree in our backyard.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Josh: And that was sort of our flex. But for the next door neighbours, they had, we called them black boys.

Tommy: I don't know what are they called? Still called black boys.

Derek: They're now known as native grass trees.

Josh: Native grass trees. And they had— and Dad would be like, they're $3,000 a pop. So 3, 6, 9. That's how I learned how to count, was Dad counting how many thousands of dollars worth of, uh, so you had a palm tree.

Derek: Yeah, this is, this is a real thing as well. I actually do it inadvertently. So someone— you hear a rumour of how much a new shopping centre spent to get a palm tree from Queensland. Oh yeah, it was $150,000 to get that tree in the middle of the shopping center.

Tommy: What I love is hearing, right, you go home and measure your palm tree.

Derek: My parents have got one in their backyard, it's like, oh, that could be worth a bit, just about 10 grand.

Tommy: End of my street was an old seafood restaurant that got done for salmonella or some kind of food, you know, they fucked up and they got closed down. But then it was a vacant lot for years, but there was these palm trees at the front and then these builders bought the site and developed it up and they had to leave. And a lot of buildings that go up and there's some trees, they have to like make sure that they don't fucking kill the plant because it's a part of the development. These guys killed the front big palm tree. Like it's a $15,000 tree, probably more. And so—

Derek: Probably more than fines.

Tommy: They had to replace it. And so, just one storey on the palm trees. In Brighton, there's this huge fuck-off house. And it's one of the things that I love bragging about my dad. Like, I love, you know, when you, you know, your dad's done something great and you just love telling people.

Josh: My dad was known as the master at the lights at the drag races. Richard Jansen, the master at the lights. He would always play that one VHS. I think it was only once that it was said. So that's where I am.

Tommy: So if you've ever gone in Melbourne to the Brighton Beach Boxes, which is these little huts on the sand.

Josh: How much are they worth each?

Tommy: $700 grand. They're fucking ridiculous.

Josh: Is it almost like a donation to the city?

Mason: Is that how they say it?

Mason: No, they get cancelled.

Tommy: Local council, the government owns them, or the council owns them. So is that—

Mason: I thought they're private, privately owned.

Tommy: No, so they're—

Josh: but is it this whole reason?

Tommy: Who started them, right? Who would have started them? So it's not like someone just claimed it.

Mason: Yeah, yeah.

Derek: So they would have dropped out long leases, so they allowed people to build.

Josh: Because I saw you getting very bogged down in a conversation with your mum yesterday.

Derek: About what?

Josh: I think it was your mum on the phone because you were flexing about went into, I think, yeah, they own the building. And then it's like, oh yeah, well, maybe it was a lot— nah, well, maybe it was a lease, but it's a fucking long lease. They've got the—

Tommy: interesting though, because then I got— it was about a guy who owns a cafe that is huge within a big building where it's like a— it's almost like a little mall. And it's like, I'll say, oh, turns out they— the guys own the cafe. And Mum said, no, but blah blah blah owns the building. I was like, yeah, but they own the cafe. And I was like, they own a building inside of another building that's owned by somebody, somebody else, which is a weird concept, right? Because it's not a freestanding—

Derek: not really. You own the business, which then owns the lease. So it's not a business.

Josh: But so I think TJ's point was that he was told by the guy that they own the building, they own the freehold or whatever.

Tommy: So it's not a lease, which is the difference, right?

Josh: What's a freehold?

Derek: Freehold is when you you own the building. Comes from like, I learned it when I was working in pubs in England. So if it was a freehold pub, it meant the guy who owned the pub business who ran it, he owned the building.

Josh: Freehold. And that's like, is that like 99? Because I think in like the Philippines, for instance, yeah, yeah, you only own something for 99 years.

Tommy: Yeah, like villas you can buy in Bali. Yeah, that are, you're basically just buying a fuckload, a really long lease. Anyway, we digress. The palm trees that are situated on the— what's it called?

Derek: Brighton Road?

Tommy: No, Beach Road. Yeah, it's this big house that just sold for about $10 million. Huge.

Josh: $2 million in the palms.

Tommy: $10 million. The palm trees that line this building, there's probably 5 or 6 of them. Huge now. They're like 10, 15 metres tall. Massive, massive. Dad put them in. With a bunch of people, and he said that the way they got them was they flew over a plantation and picked them out, and then they had them brought down from Queensland to Melbourne and they put them in.

Josh: Do you reckon? I mean, that shows an example of like sales tactics because they really didn't need to fly over.

Tommy: Maybe. It's good experience.

Josh: Yeah, but that's the whole thing. Like, it's— I thought you were going to say they flew them like in, in, and they were sort of like— I just imagine helicopters on the palms and going in. Yeah, sort of.

Tommy: You fly over a plantation.

Josh: I mean, you could do that with real estate. You could say, do a helicopter ride, do a charter and say, well, you get to pick just the ones that are for sale. Yeah. 3D Deal, well, can you open your, the live stream on your phone and just see what people are saying? And if there is anything, feel free to jump in with any thoughts.

Tommy: And before that, how about we throw to your mum, Derek?

Josh: Yeah. Can you explain this? Okay.

Derek: Okay. Well, what happened was I was just the other day when I was editing Hang On to Your Hat, my show that I do at Castaway Studios at 17th Street, Collingwood.

Tommy: If you're going to plug, say it clearly.

Derek: Yeah, that was a joke plug.

Josh: But I guess—

Derek: get ready for the big one later on.

Josh: But I think I love any business where you've got to say the address. I've never had a business where you get to say, can you say the address again?

Derek: You're right. The address isn't even important.

Josh: No, say it.

Derek: 7 Easy Street, Collingwood.

Josh: Great. It sounds like, you know, what's the— hello, hello, it's dot com dot au, Chris and Murray's Plant Farm, Main Street Emerald, open 7 days. And look out for the tutu out the front.

Derek: It's old-fashioned now because you just need to know the name and then you're going to look it up anyway.

Josh: But it's 7 Easy Street. Yeah, 7 Easy Street. It's good.

Tommy: And so you're editing your podcast.

Derek: Anyway, I made that up. I wasn't. Basically this morning I had to go And that was the small plug.

Josh: The small plug was a made-up storey so we could say the address. You can just do that too.

Derek: Can we give you—

Josh: I really just do a plug for the next 30 seconds so it's out of the way.

Derek: So you don't want to—

Josh: I don't want to hear any more made-up storeys so you can make a plug. Just say it, do it. What do you, what do you offer? Just quickly.

Derek: We have— we are just launching—

Josh: he's holding up flyers.

Derek: Castaway Studios is an accessible professional podcasting studio in the heart, the creative heart of Collingwood, where I teach, help people, beginners right through to corporate podcasts, and edit, produce, and open my studio to all kinds of— and it is amazing. I've had some most amazing shit I've learned recording people's shows.

Josh: Yeah, you've— well, you've recorded Michelle Laurie's podcast. You've— there's a lot that you do.

Derek: Yep. And we had the Loose Units guy.

Josh: Oh yeah, that's right.

Derek: Guys in yesterday doing that. I don't record them. They record. They just use the studio. But it's—

Tommy: and that's a great thing about your studio, right? That they can just come in and they can record.

Josh: And you've got great—

Derek: once I've done this class which teaches you, I do a class.

Josh: So what's a class? What's that? What's the cost of the class and how do people sign up?

Derek: $120. And I'd run it on the third Saturday of every month and it's no more than 4 people. In the class and that gets, it gets people familiar with all the equipment and how to basically how to run the studio themselves. And it also runs down, I drop as many tips as possible into sort of planning your show and your workflow to make it possible.

Tommy: And that, and that wasn't made up, all of that stuff.

Josh: That's the real thing. That's alive. It reminds me, if I remember working on Fefe and Jules and Jetstar were determined to have someone from Jetstar on the phone.

Derek: Really?

Josh: And it was always the worst band because they're like, oh, what's the deal today? Oh, hey guys, we've got great deals from Canberra to Melbourne at the moment. It's like, oh, thanks John, bye guys.

Tommy: I've done that.

Derek: It's, it's, um, we did one succulents.

Tommy: We did it with a guy who had a, um, a jewellery shop, Shepparton Showcase Jewelers, and he just loved getting on there. He's still there. I drove through Shepparton and heard them, still doing it, still doing it. Anyway, back to your mum.

Derek: Yeah, sorry about that. I feel guilty now because I've You asked me about my mum and then I went on about myself. That's how life is because what I did, I had to go— my mum's in hospital, right? So she's got some kind of problem with her circulation in her legs or an infection. So she's in hospital, she's okay, right? And the old man's at home. And so I had to go and do a round trip out to Mural Bark to visit the old man, make sure he's all right, got the coping all right, you know, looking after the dog and all that. And offered him a million bucks. I think about, you're fair bit.

Tommy: Would he take a million bucks?

Derek: I don't reckon he would at this stage.

Tommy: He wouldn't take a million back.

Derek: 10 years ago he probably would have taken it.

Josh: I can see it's too chronic to find out as well. You can't ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Derek: So anyway, I went, visited the old man, and then I thought, hang on a minute. And I did feel guilty because I was like, oh Dad, I'm just dropping in just for a few minutes because I'm going to be on the radio.

Josh: Okay, you say radio.

Derek: Oh, fuck, it's explaining podcasts. I'm gonna be on the radio and these guys have got a huge audience. It's gonna be really good for my career. And he's like, all right. I said, is there anything you want to say to the young folk out there? They've got hundreds of thousands of listeners. They're all young.

Josh: Yeah, why didn't Mr. 97 laugh then? Yeah, yeah, they're not young.

Derek: Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I'm guessing, right? I saw your graph the other day. I decided what—

Josh: when you start at the bottom, it's quite easy to look.

Derek: Yeah, that was awesome. So, and I, so I, I said, say something, and I took a video and he said something. He's got a message for you lot. Not yet.

Tommy: And then, all right, I'm loading it up because you'll take 5 minutes to get into your phone, I reckon.

Mason: True.

Derek: And then, and then I thought, I'll go and see Mum in the hospital. Same thing. Mum, I've only got a couple of minutes. Because I'm going to be on the radio and the same old patter.

Josh: Yeah.

Derek: So if you got anything to say— this is where you get an idea of where I'm coming from because she's gone, oh no, oh no. It's like I couldn't work out the audio so just put video on.

Tommy: Yeah, great.

Derek: And she's gone straight from 'oh no, no, no,' 'Oh no, no, no' to these two guys here we go.

Josh: So you're just pulling out your iPhone now? It's the iPhone red one.

Derek: Alright, Mum, have you got a message for all the Gronks out there?

Mason: Oh, well, they are just so lovely and they make me so happy because I'm involved with them in theatre, in local theatre, and they're all young and they include me and I'm so glad of that. And the stuff that I know that can help them with, but there's this huge enthusiasm enthusiasm and youth and vigour that they've got, which I don't have. And so between us, we get there. But they're really lovely, and I mean, I haven't forgotten that I used to be one. A Gronkh. Didn't I?

Derek: Say it.

Mason: What, what, what do you call them?

Derek: Gronkhs.

Mason: Gronkhs?

Derek: No, it's a word that these guys on this show use.

Mason: I don't understand the words.

Derek: A young person.

Mason: But I do remember being young and it was good, really good.

Derek: So what do you reckon they should do to get the most out of their existences?

Mason: They should, um, become involved.

Derek: In what?

Mason: In something attracts them and they're attracted to it and they've got something of themselves that connect with something, an organisation or a club or something, get connected with it and, and learn and go with it. Join, get into the world, just be a part of it. That's the only thing I know is to get involved. People, people are lovely.

Tommy: Beautiful.

Mason: I'm in hospital and there's 3 the ladies in the ward, and I didn't know them when I came in, but we've been talking and it's connecting. It's important, I think. I don't know.

Derek: Thank you.

Josh: That is so good.

Derek: There you go, Gronks. There's the life lesson from my mum.

Tommy: It's the ultimate endorsement for joining the Gronks Squad.

Josh: Yeah.

Derek: I didn't explain Gronkh very well to her. No, I think she thought I meant all young people.

Tommy: No, but that's the perfect thing because you just, just replace— yeah, yeah, just young people are Gronkhs. You could just replace—

Derek: have a look at the old man's one. This is gonna be quick.

Josh: Ready?

Derek: Okay, where do I put it?

Tommy: Yeah, I'll take it. All right, here we go.

Derek: Keep your head down and don't get caught.

Tommy: That's it.

Derek: There's the difference between my parents and then the The cute dog there, that's the million dollar dog.

Josh: Is anyone— have we— what's happening over there?

Mason: Yeah, there's a few people.

Josh: Okay, there's 5. Oh, that's good. We didn't ask for the number.

Tommy: Yeah, I know. Fuck, he's fucked it. Mr. Nice Guy, fuck it. We said you never mentioned the number.

Josh: Yeah, unless— is there a— and you don't have to sound reluctant as well.

Mason: Like, we know—

Tommy: did you ask if anyone said anything?

Josh: Yeah. Did anyone— has anyone said anything?

Mason: No one said anything that I can see. Okay, I gave a thumbs up.

Josh: Uh, guys, if you're watching on the Instagram Live, just—

Tommy: by the way, did you switch to— did you switch to Wi-Fi or you on my data?

Josh: I'm on Wi-Fi.

Tommy: Okay, no, that's good, that's good.

Josh: I mean, you've got heaps of data anyway.

Tommy: Yeah, no, but I just didn't want to go over it, so I don't want to drop 10 gigs.

Mason: We, we got a comment. The High G Homeboy says, hi guys.

Josh: Oh, g'day Jake.

Tommy: Sup. What's up, Jake?

Josh: How are you? Uh, data, that's a big issue that you have directly talking data.

Derek: Don't start me on fucking Telstra.

Josh: Okay, we don't have to. I'm sorry I said anything.

Derek: No, I've got— I'd like some more data, thanks. I'm sick to death of it.

Josh: A bit of data, uh, Mr.

Tommy: 97, how's your week been, mate?

Mason: Yeah, busy, really busy.

Tommy: It has been a busy week here. A big media company, and we've all been putting in a good effort. What's been the highlight?

Mason: Um, it's pretty nerdy, but getting the, uh, storage server that we have upstairs.

Tommy: Oh mate, now you're talking Josh's language.

Josh: We can, we can like sign in remotely.

Tommy: I did see that.

Josh: I set up Dill as a user.

Mason: Oh great, you got users going.

Josh: Yeah, but I did it so because he was on— he normally uses PC, and because he was using the iMac, I set it up so that he could only read, he can't write. To make sure he doesn't fuck up any files accidentally.

Derek: On PC?

Josh: Yeah, on the, on the Mac. Oh, so just DIL.

Tommy: I mean, what we're currently talking about is signing into a hard drive from a phone. Good weekend, if it does it for you guys. What, I mean, this is a weird thing that you guys are doing. What's Mr. 97, what's something we don't know about you? Something that like you love, there's a guilty little pleasure. It might be just watching every one of Jason Statham's movies like I do. I don't know if I've said that.

Mason: Jason Statham.

Tommy: He's just done a fuckload.

Josh: Name 3.

Tommy: I can't, but I've watched about 40.

Mason: Fast and Furious. He's in Transformers. Transformers. Transformers.

Tommy: Transformers. There's 3. 1, 2, or 3.

Josh: I've tried to get us on IMDb as well.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Mason: How did that go?

Josh: It's a long, long process. It's so clunky. Yeah, but I wanted to fill out. So when you type in The Daily Talk Show on Google. Yeah, it has like more data and Wikipedia is a difficult one.

Mason: Does that mean we'll have IMDb profiles?

Josh: Yeah, so I put you down as like a producer, an executive producer, so you'll be— that'll be nice. Because my video—

Tommy: anything Mr. Nice Evan?

Mason: Uh, probably I love reading subreddits, just going through a bunch of reddits and just reading through all the stuff people are posting.

Tommy: Do you think it's like, as the generation excels in this, you know, media-dense and technology-dense world that I look at something like someone's guilty pleasure is doing something online, I kind of scoff at. It's like, I want— because it's like you can do it from anywhere in the world and you're just like plugged in, right? Which in my mind, I don't know, you're, you're a different generation. Do you see, like, it could be if you were to say— I'd be impressed by if you said, yeah, look, you know what, I love going hiking. Like, I love getting out sometimes by myself and just fucking walking through the bush and just like—

Josh: or I read one page of an encyclopaedia or every night.

Tommy: Yeah, just something. I mean, that would be because you have an encyclopedia, Derek.

Derek: No, but, but that would, that would just smack of desperately trying to signalling and like what's trying to do something, uh, against what's happening. The ball that you can't stop rolling, which is becoming, you know, everything being on the internet and private time in your phone, like your subreddit. That's all you're engaging with anyone. You're seeing what they've done.

Tommy: What's something old school?

Derek: Is your guilty pleasure— if your guilty pleasure was was maybe trolling people on Saturdays, I'd probably be a bit more impressed.

Tommy: What's something for you, Derek, that's a bit old school that you just, you can't give up?

Derek: Your idea of a bit old school is probably not very old, like 2005.

Josh: What's something from 2005 that you still do? It's a joke.

Derek: Not really. I guess I really miss the voice. We've covered the whole voyeurism thing before, but I do like it. I mean, I like the idea of, um, the Big Brother thing.

Josh: Have you seen We Live in Public yet?

Tommy: Sorry, this is a guy that used to fly up to the Gold Coast to watch the Big Brother eviction night. It's amazing.

Josh: You may have Big Brother in Canada.

Mason: Yeah, yeah, we do.

Tommy: It's fucking amazing.

Mason: I don't watch it, but we have it.

Tommy: I mean, that is 100% a guilty pleasure. And, and what's even more unique is that you would fly up and have these weekends away with people you met online.

Derek: No, no, no, they were my friends.

Tommy: Oh, they were actually your friends, but you dealt with them online.

Derek: No, the whole experience was organic.

Josh: Facebook wasn't around. It was people, wasn't it? This was 2000 and— no, no, no, this is like—

Derek: good question.

Josh: No, this would have been 2003.

Derek: You're right, we do have a Facebook group now, private. You mentioned that though when we did the ICBs, but that was created after the whole thing had was rolling along, which is a good place to gather. And it's still active. Like when the Big Brother house burnt down a few weeks ago, you're still in there. Then someone posted the—

Josh: we filmed with Tully Smythe the other day. She's gonna, uh, we're releasing a video.

Tommy: Is that what we're trying to flex to?

Josh: We know Big Brother people.

Derek: I've been following the Tully story. Yeah, she hangs out with— she managed by, um, yeah, Genevieve. Yeah.

Tommy: When you say follow that, what do you mean?

Josh: Like, well, you see them, you see them, you've got some sort of like string and like, uh, pins on the board.

Tommy: Where are they now? Can you give us some— an update?

Derek: Creepy basement room where I've got photos.

Josh: Do you know where Hotdogs is?

Derek: Yep.

Josh: Where?

Derek: Yeah, I can't tell you right now.

Josh: I know, but can you tell me—

Tommy: can you tell us—

Josh: he's a newsreader.

Tommy: Can you tell us a few things?

Josh: Commercial radio station.

Tommy: Can you tell us a few things about some— a big— some of the Big Brother people that we— that might be interesting? Like, what are a few interesting facts?

Derek: Well, I really like the idea of, um, following their storey and seeing what— like, if someone becomes, uh, if someone becomes famous or well-known or a bit of a thing, like say Tully or, or— so I don't remember people's names, but there was a woman that became—

Tommy: well, she's one— Chrissy Swan.

Josh: Exactly.

Tommy: You know, Fitzie. Fitzie.

Derek: In their own right, they weren't made famous by Big Brother. They were, they were exposed to a lot of people by Big Brother when they met inadvertently. But Fitzie, you know, like, maybe that put him in the— he was always going to be a yappy kind of— I always thought he was always— would always have been a success.

Josh: That's what people say about Tommy because he's chatty and all that. Well, Tommy's an example. I think people say like, people think Tommy's going to be well known by people, he just doesn't know how it's going to happen.

Derek: Yeah, see, Big Brother was around, I would have put Tommy in the Big Brother.

Josh: Didn't you apply?

Derek: I would have been his champion.

Tommy: I never applied for Big Brother.

Josh: But you applied for I applied for a bunch of others. Which one?

Tommy: I know, what was it?

Josh: The house one.

Tommy: What was it?

Josh: The apartment one. The Block. The Block.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, but that's with Amy, or who'd you apply with? Yeah, I mean, you're purely, you're purely applying for Big Brother to be famous or to be—

Josh: well, you're saying you were doing The Block because you wanted to build a fucking house?

Tommy: No, Amy wanted to do it, but it's— I don't even think, I don't even think I'm right for reality television. I think I'm too fucking It's a woke— well, I think I'm too, um, emotionally intelligent to the moment, right? Like, I can't be in a moment and be fucking forget that I'm in this room and I'm your filmmaker and there's film filming going on. Like, I don't think I'd buy into it. I think they want people who are gonna actually drop, forget about that, and just fucking, are you pissing me the fuck off, you know? Like, they get right into it. That's what you want for a reality person. I think I'm thinking too much about everything. How's this looking? How's everyone reacting? Why is it like— I would, I would probably prevent myself from going to a place where I'm abusing hot dogs for fucking trying to sleep with Crystal when I fucking wanted Crystal.

Derek: Crystal was pretty cute.

Josh: Crystal was the one that couldn't cry, didn't have tear ducts.

Tommy: Crystal's mum and her Was that a thing? Like, they were—

Josh: No, I'm thinking of Bree. Do you remember Bree?

Mason: Yep.

Josh: She was the one that didn't have tear ducts.

Derek: And actually, there were some smart kids on there.

Tommy: I got a quirk out of Mr. 97. He's colorblind. I just thought I'd just bring that up. Okay, I'm trying to get you to talk more, to be honest.

Josh: That's all I'm trying to do. A little bit of prompting.

Tommy: Yeah, never harms.

Josh: What do you—

Tommy: Let's just, let's just dissect the colorblind thing.

Mason: Okay.

Tommy: What colour is this phone? No, I mean, that's a thing that has— people always said that as soon as you say I'm colourblind, they say, what's that colour?

Mason: Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

Tommy: And so how did you work out— how did one work out that they're colourblind?

Mason: Well, so at the start it was literally through those tests where you've got the numbers in the circles with all the different dots. And so if you go through it—

Tommy: where are these?

Josh: How am I saying—

Mason: literally, we've done— no, no, you can do them on Google, like literally typing colourblind.

Tommy: So pre— let's go before you even step into doing this test? Why? What are you, what are you thinking? Are you looking online to go, how can I cheque if I'm colorblind?

Mason: No, you just like— people will just suggest, oh, have you seen this? Can you do this? And it's literally— you go to the—

Josh: no issue came up before that.

Mason: No, how, how would I know?

Tommy: Yeah, this is what I'm trying to say.

Josh: Someone says, oh, that colour is different to this one. You're like, no, it's not.

Tommy: No. Okay, so when you go into the army and shit like that, you can't be colorblind.

Mason: Yeah, and like fighter jets and some people might stuff Somehow you're a producer on the Daily Talk Show.

Tommy: Some people might work out the point of trying to apply.

Josh: What does that number say?

Tommy: Oh my God.

Mason: Yeah, I can't see anything in there.

Tommy: That's enough. That's, that is the number that Bodhi thinks that's my age.

Derek: 45.

Josh: Could you see that, Derek?

Derek: 45.

Tommy: 45.

Mason: No, I can't see anything in there.

Josh: Perfect.

Mason: What, what colour is it? Orange?

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: You cannot see anything in that. Can we put this up on screen right now if you're watching on YouTube?

Josh: We'll put that up. But you can't tell that's what you can't see anything in there.

Mason: Wow.

Mason: So this, this is how it came up.

Tommy: People, how old? Like, wrap some storey on this young fella.

Mason: High school, would have been in high school, like, oh, maybe, maybe final, final year of '69. Looks like '57.

Josh: Oh, oh, he got it, he got it!

Mason: Like, that's piecing it together. But yeah, it's, it was the final, final year of, I think primary school, we were on a trip to New Caledonia because it was like a—

Josh: You went to New Caledonia for primary school camp?

Mason: What did you say? No, so yeah, so it was— No, it was a French— It was a French school.

Josh: That's where people go, like Bree went there for a holiday. It's like going to Fiji or something. Yeah, you went there in primary school?

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Okay, go on. I went— I think I went to the fucking Dandenong.

Tommy: Yeah, I went to Chum Creek, Phillip Island.

Josh: Yeah. Is there a fucking flying fox in New Caledonia?

Mason: Uh, no, no, no flying fox.

Josh: So go on.

Mason: No, so we—

Josh: the next door's been broken into.

Tommy: Oh, there's a siren going off. You might not hear it.

Josh: Yeah, probably.

Tommy: It's gone.

Mason: Um, no, so it was, it was a French trip because we, we had to learn French in primary school, and so they took like 20 kids away to New Caledonia.

Josh: Did your parents have to pay?

Mason: Yeah, my older, my older brother did it, and then, uh, I wanted to do it as well, and then my younger brother did it. But yeah, it was, it was in New Caledonia. Like, people were just like showing me and I couldn't see anything. So it just went around like all these different people just like, can you see this? Can you see this? And I just couldn't see anything.

Tommy: And do you get a bit embarrassed? Like, I mean, kids, yeah, it's not something to be embarrassed about, but when you're a kid, you could imagine.

Mason: Yeah, yeah. No, you're just like, oh, that's, that's so annoying that you can't see it. Like, it's— no, you do, you feel bad that you can't see it.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Well, you, you're identifying yourself as different to the kids.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: And so has it— what's changed since you've got older? Like, when did that feeling, um—

Mason: well, you just can't do anything about it, so you just learn to deal with it. Like, I mean, it's, it's— it doesn't, it doesn't faze me. It hasn't fazed me since probably primary school. But yeah, I don't know, it's not like I can change it.

Tommy: So do you know what I don't know what's actually happening in life?

Mason: Uh, so when I went to the optometrist, they said I've got a red and orange, uh, like colorblindness, but it's only— I see like a few hundred thousand different shades of red and orange versus millions.

Tommy: Now he's bragging. Fucking hell.

Mason: No, well, you guys see millions and I see hundreds of thousands.

Josh: So you're like 8-bit and we're 10-bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scooter Derek, the, um, genius. Uh, what do you find, like, what is Tom coming home and caring about as a kid. How old's Tom now? 11. 11. What does an 11-year-old care about in 2019? For me, I was caring about pubes. I was fucking traumatised I didn't have pubes.

Derek: It's not working. No, no, at 11?

Tommy: Well, when did you get them?

Josh: Uh, no, well, I didn't have them. No, it was when I was— even though it was year 7, when— so I was 12.

Derek: Yeah, yeah, 12, 12 and a half.

Josh: Yeah, I was playing golf and people would like show their pubes, like, yeah. And I was just like, sorry, well, that's what you were traumatised by. Yeah, I was like obsessed.

Tommy: But there's always the developed kids, it's just fucking make you feel shit.

Derek: Yeah, it's gonna— yeah, it comes along. Like, the storey is coming home with all sorts of misinformation now, and that's fake news.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Derek: Really fake news about human bodies. And oh really, you know what I mean? Seriously, who, who told you that, mate? And I haven't got examples, but, you know, he's forgotten. Come home with some— yeah, forgotten. But, but he'll come over with, you know, something like ridiculous concept of what's going to happen in puberty or whatever. And you go, oh yeah, who told you that? And you gotta— you can't just go, listen, don't listen to your mates, they're fuckwits, but it's true. So you gotta go, okay, so listen, buddy, he's— remember the kid who's all kids are fuckwits. Or the kid who's told you this for a fact, he's heard it from his big brother.

Josh: Yeah.

Derek: Do you remember that game that you can't call Chinese Whispers anymore? I said it's a bit like that. I don't know.

Josh: It's just like Indian giving.

Tommy: Oh yeah, we discussed that.

Josh: Yeah, but Chinese Whispers.

Tommy: 3D Deal, look up Chinese Whispers, please, baby boy.

Josh: Whispers, that is.

Tommy: Whispers.

Derek: It's one of those ones where you don't know the background. You do now with the Indian giving. Well done looking that up. Yeah, it's very Yeah, yeah, that was inside.

Tommy: Turns out Louis C.K. has morals. Yeah, I know who that is, but Louis C.K. is the dude who was wanking in front of people, allegedly.

Josh: Comedian without— uh, he would get permission, but it was still a bit sus.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, but he said it is the— it is the worst— this is the most racist thing you can say, or most culturally inappropriate thing you can say. That's what he said. And the joke is, well, Louis C.K.'s got a few things wrong.

Josh: Yeah. Uh, so what I'm curious— I want to deep dive into what Thomas is coming back with from information.

Derek: I'm not going to have anything because I don't, I don't have a memory for that kind of thing. Okay. But it's definitely, it's definitely completely like outrageous and wrong.

Josh: But is he like— he obviously needs a phone, like kids are saying, I need it, I want a phone.

Derek: Oh, he's obsessed. Yeah, yeah. So I wanted to give my daughter a phone because she doesn't have that same obsession with tech. How old is she? Uh, 9. Okay. But I didn't want to give it— I wanted to give it— I wanted to give her an iPod, right? So I had to have a talk with the boy. I said, look, we've got a problem here because we've got that— this kind of hierarchy of tech, of old tech, this hand-me-down sort of vibe. And I said, I've given you the iPod Nano, right, a year or two ago. I got a problem. I want to give Clover an iPod Nano, but there's no way I'm gonna go buy an iPod Nano. That's outrageous.

Josh: Yeah, can you get them still? I don't know, I imagine on the secondhand market.

Tommy: If anyone's got them, it's Mr. 97 and he's been lent it from his mates, but he's selling it.

Derek: They're in the drawers. Like, if I didn't have kids, I would have flung one at a kid out of my drawer. Yeah, fuck it. Fuck off, you fuckhead. Anyway, so I've taken and I've had a big talk to him. I said, look, I can't, I can't give— I know I can't give her the old iPhone 4 or 5 or whatever it is and set up as an iPod because I know you'll crack it. He goes, rightly so, I will go bananas.

Josh: Wait, so what was he concerned about, the 4 or 5? Say that again.

Derek: He couldn't bear it. He couldn't emotionally cope if I gave Clover a phone, even if it's been reborn as an iPod.

Tommy: He's got the Nano. He's got the Nano.

Derek: Yeah, you can't say that. Why don't you give her the Nano for your birthday and then we'll see what happens in the future? It's the only way to open up the proper hierarchy of—

Josh: But there's gonna be a time where he has no iPod, but— and so he's got nothing at the moment.

Derek: He said, I don't know where it is, I've lost it. He lost the Nano. So he gave her for her birthday the rights to own his lost iPod.

Tommy: They're so expensive, dude. I found an iPod in— iPhone in the in the playground. Actually, I didn't find it. A guy came up to me, he said, is this yours? And I was like, yes, give it to me. I'm like, call home. And then it just rang home and I gave it back to him and he's like, hello, I found your phone. And then it turns out this little monkey kid who's just always jumping around, hanging on the bars, long hair. He's so interesting. He was spying on me once. Anyway, it was his phone. Wait, where did this go?

Josh: This story? So wait, this is this kid who's spying on you?

Tommy: So this kid that always hangs at the park, he's a young young dude, long hair, probably like 11, probably same similar age as your son, and he's always scooting around. But anyway, turns out he's got a mobile phone that he just dropped. He's like, oh yeah, there it is. But these kids don't fucking— they don't connect that it costs a shitload of money.

Derek: Even the old ones. Yeah, this is fucking—

Tommy: well, you're not gonna get a new old— an old new one, so it's— you're done. Um, Chinese Whispers, 3 to Deal.

Mason: Yeah, Chinese Whispers is an inaccurate inaccurately transmitted gossip game, which refers to a sequence of repetitions of a story, each one differing slightly from the original so that the final telling bears only a scant resemblance of the original. It's like— I would call it broken telephone.

Derek: Okay, you got the Canadian name for it, I guess.

Mason: Yeah, you get a bunch of people in a circle, one of them has a message, you pass it around, each person passes it, and then it's like what, what gets distorted.

Josh: And are you allowed to say it nowadays, or Does it say—

Tommy: just type it, type that in. See, yeah, culturally inappropriate Chinese whispers. See what happens. There'll be some left-leaning media outlet.

Mason: It says it's an ongoing struggle. Um, give me 2 seconds, I'm going to read into this.

Tommy: Oh, that's fine. It sounds like it's— I mean, there's probably just whispers.

Josh: Chinese whispers, I think you even did in school, right?

Tommy: It's like an improv game. You want to see how much bullshit gets it.

Josh: What's funny?

Mason: I just, I just got Tommy. It's, it's just whispers in China.

Tommy: It's like French onion soup.

Derek: Yeah, yeah, but in France, but like Indian giving it, it could well have a background in, in something. It's probably—

Tommy: it's rude, like, oh, it's probably like Emperor time of like, you know, whispers going around the fucking—

Derek: do you know what a furphy is?

Tommy: This is good. Furphy? Yeah, furphy is a beer, blue, out of Shepparton. Furphy's. Yeah, but you know what else is out of Shepparton?

Derek: What? SPC? The furfies, which are cast iron water tanks. Ah, ah, ah, yes. Like on carts, like you can see them on farms. Like my brother-in-law's got a couple of old furfies. Yeah. And they were made in Shepparton. Yeah, by the Furphy family. Hence the Furphy beer now. Right. But a furphy means a storey that might not be quite true, like the back end of a Chinese whisper. But it's not a game that kids play in Cub Scouts. It's So a furphy is a bit of a storey that you've heard off someone that he's heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's known as a furphy. And you know why? Why? Because of the water lines. So the cart would bring this water tank, maybe in a war or something, and the soldiers would queue up with their cups for a drink of water, to get some water. And also the workers, the shearers and the farmers. So there was a huge line of all the blokes waiting for water. And the storeys would work their way back the line, in the line. And that's where all the people would be together, all sharing storeys that kind of got all mixed up from back home or from back in Melbourne. And so the Furphy line was where all these old storeys would— Were they accurate or not accurate? No, that's the point. They were probably a bit mixed up by the time.

Josh: So they're Chinese whispers, what you've described.

Derek: It's like the real version of the Chinese whispers.

Josh: Well, we don't know whether Chinese whispers is real or not. That's, I guess, what we're trying to work out today.

Derek: What do you mean? Well, it's real. It's a— that's what they called it. You— they said Chinese Whispers was what I'd sit you down in primary school and say, let's play Chinese Whispers. Yeah, I remember playing it.

Josh: Yeah, but what you're saying is the difference between Furfies and Chinese Whispers is Furfies actually happened.

Derek: It's the real world. Yeah, yeah, the notion of Chinese Whispers happened to create Furfies. All I know is it wasn't deliberate.

Tommy: Fuck, I'm glad I wasn't alive. All those years ago.

Josh: I wish I was. I wish in the 1800s. Oh, dude, you would have been absolutely destroyed.

Tommy: No, because everything would have changed. Where's your currency? Back then it was all hands-on, buddy. Jester.

Josh: What, the Joker? Joker. Yeah.

Tommy: He gets pushed off the horse.

Josh: No, but seriously, I think that it would be in— there would have been more of a business for theatre. Well, don't you think? Definitely. I think like Derek's got a lot of, um, Sovereign Hill vibes.

Tommy: Derek can fucking build the house with his bare hands. Take a car apart and put it back together.

Josh: Yeah, there's no cars, bro. Bro, no cars. He's got to deal with horses and carts.

Tommy: He could build the cart.

Josh: Yeah, he would invent— you would do the iron work.

Tommy: Actually, actually, no, sorry.

Josh: But then you'd also be helping the economy with the red drops. You'd buy a lot of raspberry drops.

Tommy: I reckon you could be, you know, in those—

Derek: so good. I want the lemon bugs.

Tommy: For me, it's all raspberry drops. Now you You definitely would have been, or I mean, I could see you inventing something, Josh. You know, like you're— I'm not smart enough. You don't think? You just take what people—

Josh: What would I?

Tommy: I don't know, some process, some weird thing. I've worked out how to trap the water running down this. Like, I feel like you've just, you would stumble upon an invention.

Josh: I'd be media. I'd be doing the news stuff. I'd be typing. I'd be a journalist. Using a pen. I'd be taking like the big photo— like, what do they have? Photography?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Derek: They had gunpowder and shit back through that big cloak thing over their heads.

Tommy: And I'm pretty sure Derek still uses one of those cameras at his studio.

Josh: Have you taken— 7 megapixels, mate. Have you taken the kids to Sovereign Hill?

Derek: Not yet, but I love Sovereign Hill. I'm triggered by Sovereign Hill in a way. I love it.

Josh: What, what's that?

Derek: I got gold fever when I was a kid. Flat out. They couldn't get me away from the creek. Really? You know, you used to— probably can still. You can— they get— you pay the money and you go down by the creek and they give you a bucket, a gold pan full of dirt that's got gold flecks in it already. Worthless little bits of gold in it. Were they worthless? They give you— yes.

Josh: Well, I fucking bought the container to hold it. That's how they get—

Derek: but, but, but they— once you do that, you pan it and then they give you a little container and you put the gold flecks that you found in there. I was like, no, I'm not finished yet. And I was digging more dirt and yeah, yeah, yeah, not realising that the gold is already in the dirt. They've put it in there for kids. That creek's been mined by kids for 40 years already.

Tommy: There's no gold in the creek. So is it glitter?

Derek: No, it's gold. It is actual gold. It has to be gold because the panning— gold is heavier. It's like lead, right? So the way panning works is you shuffle it around in the water and the gold works itself to the bottom.

Tommy: Tell us some other facts about gold.

Derek: Oh, uh, I don't know. It is— it— what's the— it's the— it's a conductor. Is it Ag? There's some kind of gold— what's the gold symbol? Uh, 3D deal? Uh, AU. It's AU.

Tommy: So it's very Australian gold. But isn't, um, isn't it the, the highest conductor? I don't know how to say the term, but it, it runs the best conductor along with, um, Copper, isn't it?

Mason: Like the most— being the most conductive—

Tommy: well, the most conductive metal, but it's so expensive and weaker in its purest form. But it is a—

Derek: yeah, but with electroplating you don't need that much. Like these, the tips on this connection here will have gold in it.

Tommy: Yeah, we gold-plated them.

Derek: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you're gangsters.

Josh: Uh, Derek, you've listened to the show for a while. We used to do something called Close the Loop. Where we would— there was a time we would say something and then would actually at another date pick it up and close that loop. Yep. Out of the 392 episodes that we've done. Yeah. Is there any loop closing that you could think that you could do today?

Derek: Uh, if I could record, I, I often when I've got your show on grab for my phone and I go and I just want another new tech. I want there to be a next level of podcast where you just press the button like the guys out there on the Instagram or whatever, but you can somehow just quickly get an argument back. You know, people say, I was talking to your podcast in the car. You guys are struggling with pronouncing a word or something, and I just go, fuck.

Tommy: There has to be a way that you could— we can have an app where you listen to the Daily talk show and you got the thing and there's a press button you can literally just go and rebut and it time codes it. Yeah. And so it literally will just pause on that time.

Derek: I want that so bad. Build it.

Josh: Do you know last night walking home from work, pouring rain, didn't it? Not too bad. I had my North Face jacket on. Yeah, but I was using Spotify. No more free Spotify. Free Spotify. Are you using free Spotify?

Tommy: No, no, no. We've got one account. So if you're using free Spotify.

Derek: I used to, and they broke me.

Josh: They broke me within 5 songs.

Tommy: The problem is, Josh, you went from having fucking platinum Spotify. Premium. I didn't—

Josh: whatever it is, I didn't know, but I didn't understand. I thought, oh, I can deal with a few ads, and so that's fine. And so I listened to a lot of random playlists. I was listening to Disney soundtrack playlists, just random Disney songs. And, um, so I'm pressing play, and the thing is Disney has a diverse range of music. They've got everything from Lion King to Frozen, Toy Story, all that shit, right? And so there's certain ones that I connect with and there's certain ones that I don't. And so I'm trying to click next and it's not letting me, uh, it's not letting me click next. And so, and then it says, not only that, it's then giving me an ad. To say, come back. Not, not only try premium, but it's come back to Spotify Premium. They knew I left.

Tommy: Yeah, of course they did. And so they're going fucking harder on me. Fuck, it's— you know what's amazing? The storeys we tell ourselves. Yesterday in the office, I heard Josh say something around the lines of, I'm actually— I actually love hearing what ads are being played. It's great sort of research to understand what ads are being—

Josh: I like ads, but All they're doing is saying, come back.

Tommy: Yeah, no, they're not actually— you fucked up, you fucked up, come back to premium.

Josh: The only other ad that I'm hearing at the moment, they're doing a big push, is— I reckon I'm the reason why they've done it too— 131444. You know what 131444 is, Derek?

Derek: No idea.

Tommy: Can we just call it now? If I just call it on Derek, definitely not.

Josh: Uh, 3D Deal, can you actually type in 131444?

Mason: Yeah, it's Police Assistant line.

Tommy: Oh no, we don't call that.

Josh: And so this is, it's their whole tagline is when sirens aren't needed. And I said to Pete, I like that. And so Pete, I was walking with Pete Shepherd the other day. Tall Gronkh. Tall Gronkh. And I said, oh, 131444, have you seen that? He goes, oh no, it just says like when no sirens are needed. And his first thought was, is it if you need them to sneak up?

Derek: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Tommy: No, no, no, no, no. That's not my first thought. It's when it's not an emergency. Reporting, um, your car going missing doesn't require sirens fucking hooning here. It's to uncongest the lines. The fucking— there's a massive problem with— if someone breaks into your house— there's a massive problem with gronks like Josh who get on triple zero at the fucking drop of a coin.

Josh: 4 times this year. Exactly, exactly. So they've all been important things. Okay, one guy got stabbed, another person got their head beat in. So there was a ram raid. Ram raid, you could probably call a—

Tommy: call not— no, you're fucking kidding me. Yeah, they'd run off. Oh, what's happened? Anyone hurt? Jesus, this is the problem, right?

Josh: They had tape around the whole thing. Doesn't matter. Are you fucking kidding me? Out of those 4 things that happened, the one that you think doesn't need sirens?

Tommy: The dude who gets punched, you call the cops. The person who got stabbed, call the cops, sirens.

Josh: The ram raid where there's a car stuck into the shop.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, this is evaluating the situation. In the moment. So I didn't get a fucking ambulance for 3D Dill's finger. Exactly.

Josh: It's because you were thinking of the—

Tommy: No, I was thinking about, is he, is he dying? Is there a lot of blood? If there was, if there was like gushing blood, I would have called an ambulance.

Mason: If I had cut an artery, then absolutely.

Tommy: Of course. But yeah, it's— Oh, have you done a bad injury? Just to finish off, have you done a bad injury before, um, scooter days?

Josh: Not really.

Derek: I'm sorry, I did a very similar to Dill one. Well, because you remember, pumpkin, and the knife went sideways. Oh, the whole top of my thumb came off, but it wasn't as bad as him because it wasn't kind of down attacking the bone. It was like right off the end. It was like a little egg, you know, when you were a kid and you chopped the top of the egg off and open it. It was just a twisty soldiers.

Josh: How do you do that? So I've, I've been having issues with that lately at home because the fucking, uh, eggshell goes into the egg yolk.

Derek: You just have to tough it out.

Josh: Do you do it hard? Do you use a spoon or do you use a knife?

Mason: A knife. For spoon, people are fucking wits.

Josh: Just like Tom's kids.

Derek: Yeah, I've seen it when I was a kid. You go to someone else's house and they'd have their boiled egg and everything. Yeah. And they'd get a spoon and go, dude, let me tell you, let me tap it a million times to shatter it. It's like, no, just get a knife and just go for it.

Tommy: Coddled eggs, heard of them? Yeah, they're pretty cool. It's basically doing exactly what you're doing to the, the boiled egg, the soft-boiled egg, but you crack the eggs into this little like, say it's like that, has a little screw top lid on with a little hook, and you pop it into hot water. It's beautiful. You would love it. And then you just cook it, but then you untwist the top and then you got like a, you know, you can dip bread in or you can just use a spoon. So it's basically what the inside—

Derek: Mix it with cheese and a bit of feta.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should get a cooker here.

Josh: Yeah. It would smell. Yeah, true. Actually, no, no, no. We've had enough issues. We had a cauliflower issue. Did you hear that we found out from 3D Dill what was causing the issues? I fixed it.

Mason: What was it? The— when we had the really bad rain the other night, power went out. And when the power went out, the freezer obviously stops working, right? So the cauliflower had thawed, liquid had leaked out and was pooling up in a little cavity at the back of the fridge.

Tommy: I mean, for one, no one told me about the fucking power. I didn't know.

Derek: Yeah, no one told me either.

Mason: I didn't know the power went out until I thought about it.

Tommy: Number two, had the power go out and come back on. It just does. So there was no— so the power just didn't go, it didn't flick, you didn't trip a switch?

Josh: No, no, it's a great power, it's gone, it's a surge.

Tommy: And so do we know this for a fact that there was this?

Mason: Not 100% fact, but that's what I'm saying.

Tommy: I'm saying the only way you truly know if there was a power outage would be if there was a fucking flashing 12. Yeah, there's— yeah, there has to be a way to switch off, but we still don't know. I can't I don't think this is our security cameras. I don't know if it was 100% off. You can look at power at the moment. This is a guy who knows more about power than all of us right here.

Josh: What do you know about power? Oh, not a great deal.

Tommy: No, bullshit, bullshit. My point is, I don't know if that is 100% true. How do we know?

Derek: It goes off at the— if it just goes off like it's an exterior power cut, all your power goes off, then comes back on again. Yeah, yeah. If you turn it off at your mains, it would have been—

Tommy: have to— it would have to been off for quite some time.

Mason: That's what I would think.

Derek: Yeah, to defrost something. I'm not 100%. That's like a 12-hour power cut to make cauliflower melt. Yeah. Why is there cauliflower in the freezer anyway?

Tommy: Just a question. Or our freezer here at the office, it's a bar fridge freezer.

Derek: Someone's— what the true storey is, someone's accidentally unplugged the fridge. This is what it always turns out to be. They've plugged it back in and go, there must have been a power outage.

Josh: I'm not pointing any fingers. No, no, it's good. Derek, uh, thank you for coming on Weekend Banter. Oh, uh, for a Saturday. You haven't been kicked off. Do you want to come in on Sunday as well?

Derek: I'd love to, but I got to take an 11-year-old to footy.

Josh: Oh great. Yeah, I don't know what would be more fun.

Tommy: I'll go to footy if you want. You want to take— no, definitely not.

Derek: Is Bodhi gonna play footy?

Tommy: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I'm first things jiu-jitsu. T-ball? T-ball Joe Rogan? No, I just want him to just grapple, just be able to— martial art, something you can do a lot. Doesn't have to be ball. Definitely not T-ball, mate. I don't want him coming out anything like you. It's like, uh, you have a stick.

Derek: Was that Kids Are Afraid of the Ball?

Josh: No, it's just what you start off with.

Tommy: Okay. Anyway, it's The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: Uh, hi@thedailytalkshow.com if you want to send us an email. Also, The Daily Talk Show .com's site is fucking chooching.

Tommy: Yeah, I'm surprised all the people are on there.

Josh: There's so many people that are visiting. And also you can sign up to Gronk Squad. We're going to start sending out emails very soon.

Tommy: It's a nicer home to watch it than YouTube, I think, because it's just pulling from YouTube. But I saw a few screenshots that people had put up and it was nice because then you can see other content, like click around and all that sort of thing.

Josh: Yeah, it's a daily talk show. We'll see you tomorrow for another episode of Weekend Banter. See you guys.