Pillow Talk With Ash Williams

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 316.

Tommy: Special guest in the studio, Ash Williams. How are you, mate?

Josh: What's going on?

Ash: We laugh. I just wanted to give a really long pause so that someone thought that you guys have fucked up, but no, yeah, we are here. We are at the studio, The Daily Talk Show, episode 316. I haven't missed one, so good. It's good to finally be here, mate.

Tommy: I just saw that you're in Melbourne. You don't actually—

Josh: you grew up here, right?

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: Yeah, Camboya.

Tommy: And so you now live in Bondi, but I saw that you were floating around and I shot you a little Insta message yesterday and said, mate, you around? Want to come on the show?

Ash: Yeah, bro. Well, I only kind of pop in. It's like 3 days is my kind of max I can handle my mum. No offence to mum, um, I know she listens to this show, but, um, big fan. Yeah, yeah. So I'm, uh, I'm right at my 3 days at the moment, so I'm out tomorrow.

Tommy: Yeah, good. Yeah, well, thank you for coming in. We actually have a few things that we need to first of all apologise for yesterday's show, so you kind of get getting sucked into the vortex.

Ash: Oh, please vortex me in. I love a vortex. I fucking miss vortexes.

Tommy: Number 1, Josh opened the show, and you can apologise because I've got to do my one.

Josh: Oh, well, I said it's a Daily Talk Show episode 315 and I'm gonna whip your ass, which was a Stone Cold Steve Austin reference, but it's actually 316, not 315.

Ash: I thought that was a Willow Smith reference, whip it back and forth.

Tommy: But yeah, no, so it did fall flat.

Josh: But the biggest—

Ash: yeah, well, there's not a live audience, so you wouldn't know.

Josh: But, but the biggest—

Ash: really relying on your co-host to laugh.

Tommy: Well, I kind of was so thrown off. I first of all didn't get the reference and didn't get that he made a mistake until he told me after. But I, I made something fall even flatter than that.

Ash: Do you start every show with apologies? So I'm guessing the apologies will go for a while.

Tommy: No, not— we just fucked up. We just fucked up yesterday, Ash.

Josh: Well, it's actually the main— they do that at the start of of like board meetings and stuff. Apologies today, yeah, Ash can't be here.

Tommy: Well, we're actually setting up because after I apologize, you've got to now apologise for something after this. So think about—

Ash: I've got an apology. Okay, I just remembered I have an apology to make.

Tommy: Okay, good. Um, April Fools yesterday, I— you know when you see things in your periphery?

Josh: Peripheral— what was that?

Ash: It's another apology for next episode.

Tommy: In your peripheral vision.

Josh: Yeah, that's fine.

Tommy: You know when you see things on the sort of outskirts of your mind?

Ash: In the periphery.

Tommy: Exactly.

Ash: Proof rule.

Tommy: And when you make— I think when you're creating content as much as we do, and that's not pumping up our tires, but it's like we're just trying to sort of find content constantly. Yeah, I saw something come up in my Facebook and I screenshotted it yesterday. Yeah, and I thought yesterday that Guzmán Gómez was doing an April Fools where you can go and order a burrito that is completely filled with guacamole. So I thought this was something I'll bring today.

Ash: You're an idiot.

Josh: It was called the All Guac. The problem was that they— there was— Tommy did show us this, uh, this image where it was like $1, but then in small writing it said it was how many serves?

Tommy: Yeah, 14, 24 serves at $2 each, which meant you could actually buy this thing for $48. So we went, we travelled 20 minutes to Guzmán y Gómez. I walked up to the front counter, we had cameras, we had cameras going. Mr. 97's there next to me Josh is on a long lens.

Ash: I think I saw this on your Instagram.

Tommy: Yeah, you did. You might have. And I fucked up because it wasn't Guzmán y Gómez. The ad was for Mad Max. I'm taking these dudes on a wild goose chase.

Josh: Oh no.

Tommy: And we went to the wrong fast food chain.

Ash: So did you then go to Mad Max?

Josh: No, that's what everyone's asking, but I just cut us off. I said, we've wasted 2 fucking hours. This is— this has got to be the—

Ash: Surely you should have gone to Mad Max. You were that far in. It was like swimming out to save a kid in the deep ocean and you swim halfway.

Josh: Well, I sold it to Tommy as failing funny. I'm like, oh well, that was a fail. That could be— yeah, that's more funny than actually going to Mad Max now.

Tommy: Well, life's content, we look at like the—

Ash: you know what though, sorry Tommy, why wouldn't you go to Mad Max and pick the best content? Then you've got a win-win. Yeah, look, for an extra 45 minutes you could have got—

Josh: it's a good point—

Ash: the best content of the day.

Tommy: Safe to say, Ash, I was pretty deflated. So we were like, yeah, I was like, oh, I'm fucking, I'm embarrassed, this was dumb.

Ash: Yeah, but everyone fell for an April Fools yesterday. I mean, like, um, by the way, Maccas did that too. Maccas did it with the all pickle burger and everyone's like, I want the all pickle burger, but it was a joke. People were like turning up trying to buy it. So that was a backfire on Maccas. So I think they're now going to start shelving the all pickle burger.

Tommy: It's a good idea. And they've opened up their podcast today with an apology.

Ash: Good, so they should. What was your apology? Podcast. Um, I'll get the apology in a sec, but I want to— so I fell for a, uh, I should have known, I forgot it was April 1st. Um, there was a thing on Radio Info saying that, uh, Ryan Fitzgerald had replaced Eddie Maguire on Triple M.

Tommy: Yeah, I did see that, mate.

Ash: I'm sitting there at this milk bar, I'm like, this is pretty big. You know, I texted through to a couple of buddies and they're like, April Fools, man. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, I knew, I knew. But, um, an apology I have to make on my podcast, uh, The Ash Williams Show, is to, uh, a foot fan. And apparently, oh well, he wants me to do this, um, video where I, um, douse my feet in champagne.

Josh: His name's also Josh.

Ash: It is Josh. And So I get this DM from him on Friday, like, you know, thousands of DMs saying, you were really, um, rude to me on the podcast, and I, I can't believe you were so rude. And I said, I'll apologize. So this is the apology. And I'm gonna try and find it through another podcast, but I'll tease it, I'll tease it on my show.

Tommy: Yeah, that's nice. And can you just elaborate? I did hear your Friday, your episode.

Ash: Oh, cool, man.

Tommy: And I heard about— I heard you talking about that guy. But I was kind of lost because I hadn't heard—

Ash: Yeah, dude, I'm lost.

Tommy: It's like, what the fuck is a foot?

Ash: What is this?

Tommy: This guy's got a foot fetish? Is that what's happening?

Ash: Yeah, so this guy I think is the same foot dude, the same, um, a year ago was a standing on chest guy, a guy who wanted me to stand on his chest for an hour and was going to pay me $1,000 to stand on your— to stand on his chest so that he couldn't breathe, right? And then it just never happened. Uh, the money never appeared in my account. Um, and then this Josh guy's still on me about the foot pics, and now he wants the champagne. And, um, what do you reckon the champagne thing is about? It's about New Year's, because I said for New Year's I'll, um, put champagne— I don't know, I was fucking talking to him on New Year's Day. It was a low point. And, uh, but like, you know, in the comments section on Insta, and he's getting no traction. And then like Josh you know, 12345, whatever his name is, right? So, hey man, when you have the feet, I'm like, yeah, I'm on board today, feeling good. And then I said, how about this, for New Year's Day I will shower my feet in champagne.

Josh: And so it didn't even start as a request.

Ash: No, I offered it. Yeah, because I was lonely. And, um, and now he's upset. I'm not lonely.

Tommy: But he was going to give you cash for this, right?

Ash: No, he wants to pay for the champagne.

Tommy: Ah, okay. And what's he get out of it? I mean, is this a foot fetish? Is this what he's like? Is it something we're into, that, right?

Ash: Yeah, it's a rabbit hole of rabbit holes.

Josh: It's—

Ash: you don't want to get into it, man. It's all these different people, but I reckon it's the same guy. It's this Josh guy, and he only— it's not you.

Josh: Yeah, no, it's not. But you said there was two Joshes. I was— because I was listening last night in bed and I had cut through. Whenever someone says your name and says it instead of—

Tommy: Yeah, well, no, a narcissist wakes you up immediately.

Josh: Yeah, but it's just like, yeah, it's definitely— it's got more cut-through.

Ash: Definitely. Absolutely, absolutely it does. And, um, I, um— but what's weird about this Josh character is I said, mate, if you want to transfer the money, here's my BSB and account number, deposit it. But he always wants to do, um, this wireless money.

Josh: Well, I've never heard of it, but it's the CommBank. Apparently you can like I've done it, but you see the person or something.

Ash: Oh really? I think so, because I want to see you. I'm like, mate, this is getting weird.

Tommy: You see it, mate?

Josh: Oh, because they must send like a security photo, like if you sign for something from AusPost and you know the signature.

Tommy: Nah, I'm pretty sure, like I've done it before, it just sends you a notification on your phone. So if you left your card at home, you're like, boom, ATM, cardless cash ATM, boom, put your fucking thing in, and then they— you don't have to have your card, they send you a text, you put in the number and it shoots out the cash.

Ash: Yeah, but that's why I'm just like, mate, I'm gonna do it just to see if I get the money, and then that's it.

Tommy: Will you buy the champagne?

Ash: Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do the video.

Tommy: You'll buy Omni, some kind of—

Ash: well, I wanted to get a champagne sponsor on board.

Tommy: Who are you going for?

Ash: Uh, I just can't be bothered, you know, putting the fucking water— yeah, no, no, because this would be a deal that would be about $1,000 to $5,000 if I was going to do it properly.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: And they'd have to pay me.

Josh: Okay. You don't think Moët has the cash?

Ash: Oh, I don't have a contact for Moët, but, um, I, I think, yeah, they're too high-end. I think it'd be a $50 price point champagne.

Tommy: Mumm, they— I mean, you can get $50 for Mumm.

Ash: Oh, Mumm, yeah.

Tommy: And Mumm are kind of cool, like they seem like they're spending the dollars on the races and shit like that. So yeah, I mean, you're not going to get Ace of Spades or any of those big, big players.

Ash: You know what, I'm going to say this, the Mumm, um The birdcage with marquee at the races is— I'd never want to be sitting there. I think the worst people in Australia hang out in there.

Josh: Did you get invited last year?

Ash: No, no, I wasn't invited. Um, I wasn't invited by anyone. So if you are listening to this, I will attend your marquee, um, and only your marquee, um, if you invite me this year.

Josh: What do you reckon's, uh, worse, the the marquee at the races or the Australian Podcast Awards?

Ash: Well, I think— I'm gonna— it's a tough one because I wasn't nominated for some award, even though I forgot about it. It's still—

Josh: you're so retracted as well.

Ash: Yeah, I retracted our application because we weren't nominated, and I wished everyone luck who also wasn't nominated, because, you know, it's, it's a, it's a bit of pill to swallow when you're, you're not recognised by your peers who you've never met really, um, and you don't care about. But, um, no, no, I think the Mont Marqué is still worse.

Josh: Really?

Tommy: Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: Just, just some shocking individuals. I was in there 3 years ago, and you know when you look around, you're at like an event and you think, fuck, it doesn't get much worse than this. Yeah, I need to get out of here. And then you're talking to some guy, then you get like spotted by someone, and then which marqué was it?

Josh: Which one?

Ash: This is Mum. Mum. Okay. I turned up to Mum. I wasn't invited. I walked in and then I saw like, you know, a couple of Bachelorette contestants, the dude, the dudes, um, and then, um, just some like try-hard radio people. I won't name names. It wasn't you two. Um, we wouldn't get a fucking invite.

Tommy: No, I've gone. This is how I got into the, uh, what was it? Yeah, I think it might have been the Mum one too. No, no, no. What's the big— Emirates. So I got into the Emirates. Nick Brax.

Ash: Oh yeah, Braxie.

Tommy: So I know Braxie and we were going to go together and then I reckon he pulled the pin because he didn't want to go with me, but he actually gave me the 2 tickets to go.

Josh: Why wouldn't he have wanted to go with you?

Tommy: I don't know. I reckon he's probably just got to the day and he's like, I don't fucking— when I say mates, it's loose. It's, you see him at the gym, friends of a friend. We've gone out a couple of times.

Josh: Did you ask for the tickets? How did they— how did they—

Tommy: no, he actually said, I can't go, but I I can give you the ticket.

Ash: When did he say this? The morning of?

Tommy: Uh, 2 days before.

Ash: That's plenty of time, that's respectful.

Tommy: So I took him up, took a mate with me, and it was fucking great. Like, in terms of the first time, you would never go to the— I wouldn't go to the races. I don't suggest going to the races unless you have a pass to get somewhere where there's free shit.

Ash: Yeah. Is that the only time you've been?

Tommy: Uh, I used to go as a kid. Um, I went to like a private school, and all the kids' parents would have, um, what do you call it, car parks.

Ash: Oh, nursery.

Tommy: Yeah, the finger food.

Josh: So I was like, what does that mean? Sorry, what's that? I went to Glen Eagles in the suburbs.

Ash: Where'd you go?

Josh: Glen Eagles? Yeah, you're remembering secondary college.

Ash: No, I, I know you're remembering. Oh yeah, yeah.

Josh: So, uh, actually Hallam, where I went for VCE, Grant Denyer went to. Really? To, uh, to Hallam.

Tommy: Fucking shout out to Grant.

Ash: Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna fucking text him with his number after this. So he's been to Hallam High.

Josh: Yeah, Hallam Senior Secondary.

Ash: Okay, I'll say, um, People are loving you.

Josh: Yeah, absolutely. It's got— definitely had to cut through that.

Tommy: So the rich kids' parents had, um, like VRC, Victorian Racing Club, yeah, permits or whatever passes. They paid shitloads of money.

Josh: It's for a car park and they got a car park.

Tommy: And so on the day of the Melbourne Cup or that racing carnival, all these cars come in, usually, uh, Mercedes-Benz four-drives, and they crack open the boot, they pull out all their shit, and they've got, you know, finger food party.

Ash: Those, um, US— what have you called it? Uh, what do they call them? The truck gate parties or some shit. You know where they— you know what I mean? They back up their fucking utes at the, uh, gridiron.

Tommy: Yeah. And they do— yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Sort of like junior footy. You know what junior footy— where like you'd watch— like I'd watch my brother play football and my nana would make a sponge or whatever. It's like you would be able to open up the four-wheel drive.

Tommy: It's like if rich people did that.

Ash: Yeah, yeah. But you don't do it for that. It's the chicks.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: Well, you go from like Year 10, so you're about 15.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: And also, you know, you don't need IDs, piss everywhere, you're getting off your fucking face. And the hottest chicks from the hottest schools are there. And seriously, the nursery is the place to be from about age 15 to 35. I've only just stopped going there because it was a tradition that we'd always jump the fence.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

Ash: To go to the nursery because we liked the buzz of jumping the fence.

Tommy: Yeah, we used to do the handing out of like, say I would have a pass, I'd go in and then I'd give it to someone who's going out that would then swipe it back in. Back then like technology wasn't as good, so you could be swiping in and out. So we'd get everyone in to get fucking shit-faced.

Ash: Yeah, but that's boring. You want to jump, okay? Because the jumping—

Josh: what sort of fence is it?

Ash: It's a high fence, man. You need to get pretty fucked up beforehand. So we were doing this, uh, we'd meet at Hungry Jack's in like Swanston Street get like, um, you know, jumbo Fanta, uh, 1-liter vodka between 2 of us. We'd skull that in the cab and then we'd turn up, we're fucking jacked. Um, the last time we did this we're like 31, so not long ago. And you actually just Ubered it there? No, Uber wasn't around, so we're in the cab.

Josh: I feel like you're getting close to being able to.

Ash: Yeah, well, that would have been ideal. So then we get there, and the older you get, the more fired up you have to get. Yeah. And then, um, we just, we're just like, we're like, we're too old for this, but we've got to do it. And then the adrenaline of actually landing the jump and then running, because security's going to chase you, so you've got to split up.

Josh: Okay. And how many of them?

Ash: Usually just 2. We've done it with 3 before, and one got caught.

Josh: Okay.

Tommy: What happened to it? Just got kicked out?

Ash: Yeah, just headlocked and booted.

Tommy: Yeah, on the train back into Spencer Street.

Ash: No, but you can jump again. You can try again. Yeah, yeah, shit you. Well, one time there's a guy who didn't want to jump, and so my mate got his suit jacket and pipped it over the fence and said, you're jumping now, pal.

Tommy: Yeah, good.

Ash: Um, he still didn't jump, but, but yeah, I remember one time I jumped and I had brand new shoes, and the, the treading was just so new that I slipped, like bowling shoes. And I've gone over, I've ripped my brand new suit all through the knees. It's like 10 AM, the elbows of my jacket is shredded, blood everywhere. I didn't have time to stop because I was being chased. Kept legging it. I'm honestly, I was never faster than this day. I just felt so fast.

Josh: You're fired up.

Ash: I'm losing, yeah, I'm losing the security guard at a rate of knots. Land in some car park and then I bumped into all of these old schoolmates that I haven't seen in like 15 years and they're like, Ash? Ash Williams? I'm like covered in blood and then I'm like 'Can I just hang out in your car park for a bit?' And they're like, 'Yeah, sure.' So, and then I got booted 5 hours later.

Tommy: Really?

Ash: The guy found me and I was like there celebrating, just thinking, you know, you know, gold medal around my neck, just like, 'Yeah, this is how you do it.' It's a good stint, 5 hours. It was still disheartening. I was really lapping it up.

Josh: This is for the Melbourne Cup. When does this actually happen?

Ash: This is Melbourne Cup week, so it's, um, I think this was Derby Day. This is, um, that's the first day. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: So were you wearing a Caliber suit? Was that one of your brand deals?

Ash: I wasn't in, um, in tow with Caliber then. I think it was— it was a terrible suit, whatever it was. I think I bought it for $150.

Tommy: Man to Man?

Ash: No, I've never been there.

Josh: Um, good establishment.

Ash: That was me. I was thinking too, great TV show, but there was Man, Oh Man hosted by Rob Guest, and the, uh, the women, if they didn't like the guys, would just push them in the pool. Now that's a dating show.

Josh: Yeah, what year was that, do you reckon?

Ash: 20 years ago.

Josh: Okay, a few guys drowned.

Tommy: You're, you're quite good at getting brand deals, like on your podcast, you kind of—

Ash: yeah, it could be better, could be better.

Tommy: Maybe the sell, uh, or the— maybe the sizzle isn't as much steak as you're actually cooking. Is that—

Ash: oh no, I just lose, um, inspiration for the deal. Like, you know, I will, um, I will reel them in. Yeah, put it this way, it's like catching a fish and they're hooked on the lure, and I'll kind of reel them in for a bit, but I just can't be bothered really putting in the grunt work at the end to get them on the boat.

Josh: It's like the footman Josh, like you, you sort of reeled him in. Yeah, he's willing to give you the cash, and now you've sort of gone cold.

Ash: But remember, that cash is not going— it's only going to, um the champagne. I'm not going to come away with any money. There's a lot of people lose money. Um, I've got a brand new deal actually, just happened an hour ago. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, kind of. Well, I just said to him, um, it's a pillow company, I can't say too much. And I said it's going to be, um, I won't say how much. Yeah, a lot of money. It's quite a ridiculous—

Josh: I'll say $1,500.

Ash: That's more than that. And I said, I go, what do you want, man? Do you want, do you want to just give me cash or what? And he goes, um, yeah, I'll give you cash. And then I speak to him the next time, he goes, I want an invoice. I said, that's fair enough. Sent him an invoice on Monday. Just got a text from him before saying, can you meet me in Sydney tomorrow? I want to pay you. I'm thinking, mate, can't you just transfer it? But with— you've got to be delicate when you're talking about money. So I said, sure. 'How did you want to pay?' And he said, 'By cheque.' So I'm going to pick up a cheque tomorrow.

Tommy: Well, I think—

Ash: and it's a long drive. So if he, if he pulls the rug on me again, which he's done before when he hasn't wanted to pay, I'm fucking— all I'm saying, I'm not leaving without the cheque.

Tommy: Put the cheque in, right? It will clear, or it will sort of show up straight away, but then it takes a couple of days if the money's not actually there for them to access. So you just give it a week before you any, you know, no pay, no say. Yeah. So until you get that cash, don't say anything.

Ash: No, I won't, I won't. He knows that. I've said that. I've said I'm not going to plug you. All I say now is pillows. And if you want the, um, the branding, I gave him a little bit of sizzle. I was on Nova in Melbourne, um, a week ago and I pumped his pillows up a bit, gave him, um, branding.

Josh: Good for the category. You're helping the category at this point of pillows.

Ash: Yeah, no, but again, I named the brand.

Josh: Oh really?

Ash: And, um, and then I told him that and he goes, what time was it? I said, I don't know, 8:30, um, Friday morning. And he went on, he went on his computer to track, um, you know, all the, uh, the clicks.

Josh: Google Analytics.

Ash: Google Analytics, of course. And he's like, what time again? I said, 8:30. I don't know if he goes, nah, nothing, nothing at all. It's actually gone down.

Josh: I'm like, are they the foam ones or what?

Ash: They are, they are, um They're better than Dunlop Pillow.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: What makes them better? Um, this is just practice. No, no, you're doing that.

Tommy: No, no, no.

Ash: It's, uh, the way they're made, because it's all, um, gel and it's good for your neck. They're unbelievable.

Josh: So you're referring—

Ash: I think so.

Josh: The problem with foam sometimes is that they, um, they don't have the breathability of some other products. So if they're sort of working on that—

Tommy: it's not egg foam from your, from your local bloody Bunnings. It's like a specific phone.

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Uh, we've just signed a lease to a new building.

Ash: You have?

Tommy: We're expanding the big media company, Daily Talk Show. And I, I guess having you on is, is perfect to sort of understand how we could go about maybe landing a few—

Josh: the deals— a few deals specifically. Before we get to that, the deal— the— no, what's your deal with Nova? What's the actual—

Tommy: and then what's your deal just in general?

Ash: Yeah, exactly. I'm not— there's a lot of fucking questions here, mate. Um, What's my deal with Nova?

Josh: Yeah, so they've got like— don't they have like, uh, on your actual producer thing it says no?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fucking none of your business, Josh. Uh, and, um, what was the other question?

Josh: Um, I want to know.

Ash: No, so Nova have, um, a relationship with Acast.

Josh: Okay, yeah, sure.

Ash: And so I used to work at Nova, um, it was my last proper job 10 years ago. So I still just got to walk in there and people still think I work there. Yeah, like, really? They're like, it's the same people.

Josh: Do you have a card?

Ash: Ryle, right? It's such a tough name, you'll never forget it.

Tommy: Ryle.

Ash: Ryle. And I just, I lean into her name so confidently because I know it. G'day, Ryle. And like, I haven't seen her fucking 10 years.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: And she's like, ah, she's still here, you're still working here? I said, yeah, it's in one of the booths. 'Hey Ben.' And it's like people don't question me, I just walk in and out. So I can record at Nova when I'm in Melbourne. I can record at Nova Sydney too, but I prefer Nova Melbourne.

Josh: Okay. Does that answer your question? Sort of. What was the actual deal? Do you work in a sales team or something? Do they help you with ads? I want to know.

Ash: I don't even know the answer, I've got to be honest with you.

Tommy: Is it because he did quite a big sizzle. I remember you were talking on your podcast probably 3 months back, 4 months back, you're saying, got something I can announce pretty soon.

Ash: And that was it, but that was already preordained, it was done, the contract was signed. Basically they, um, sorted out my ads, so I now have bookend ads.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Uh, and one in the middle.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Okay, so I've played a lot of ads basically, and they owe me a bit of cash.

Josh: Really? Because I did know, because you mentioned You said that the couple of ad revenue streams.

Ash: Okay, you listen to the pod. See, I forget that I say this.

Josh: I just, um, we're sort of more hard-hitting.

Ash: Yeah, well, that's why I'm now doing the, the deal with the pillow company.

Josh: Yeah, because they're— so are you saying if Radio Today was to write an article, is Nova not paying?

Ash: Please fucking don't.

Josh: Is Nova not paying?

Ash: They are.

Josh: Are they?

Ash: They are. I'm trying to do that thing where you say yes and then you're like that. Yeah, that's purely for the people watching on YouTube.

Josh: Is Nova in trouble?

Ash: No, no, Nova's never been better. Um, I don't know, why am I promoting them? They're not paying me. No, you're not.

Josh: We want you to get paid. So what is the arrangement? They're meant to pay you every 3 months?

Ash: It's actually Acast, it's not Nova.

Josh: Nova owns Acast?

Ash: No, they don't.

Josh: Oh really?

Ash: Acast is a separate business and they have exactly a relationship. Um, we're just sorting out the, uh, the listens of how many people have listened to the ads.

Josh: Oh really?

Ash: But it's been a while. I'm like, how long does it take?

Tommy: You know what I mean?

Josh: Yeah. What's the, uh, yeah, how many times do I have to count that shit? What is the actual— are they doing like dynamic ad insertion where it changes? Like, do you know what the advertisers are going to be?

Ash: No, I don't care.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Like, you know, they said to me, um, you know, obviously a lot of podcasters are sensitive. Yeah. And they're, you know, moral, and they want, you know, for example, no bedding or cigarettes or whatever. I don't know if the people still promote cigarettes on there. I'm pretty sure it's illegal, actually. That's all I promote. Um, yeah, I just said to him, like, uh, just fucking everything. There's nothing I won't promote.

Josh: Great.

Ash: Just get it on the air.

Josh: That's probably a point of difference for you then. In some— there's probably a bunch of podcasts who are saying no to things, and you're doing a lot of erectile dysfunction.

Ash: I don't even know what's playing. Like, um, I hear a lot of Honda ads.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Uh, voiced by my mate Scott McGregor.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Ash: Which ironically, I was meant to be, uh, that guy. I was, I was gonna be the, the Scott McGregor character on the Honda ads, uh, 2, 3 years ago, up to the point where I was, I was the day before and I'm like, said to my manager, I said, am I doing the, uh, Honda commercial tomorrow? And she said, yeah. I said, you better double-check that because I haven't got any fucking run sheets. And then she said— she called me back and said, no, you're not doing it. So, um, I could have been doing my own Honda ads in my commercial.

Josh: Yeah. Have you ever done a car deal? Because there's always— you always see like, uh, yeah, yeah, radio people with bows on their car and I got this from—

Ash: nah, nah, nah, I've tried that.

Josh: Uh, really? You might just have to go further out. Byron Cook, I think he goes to fucking Pakenham to get his car. But he gets a, um, whereabouts, um, which one? I'm trying to think what it is. It's a, um, Ringwood Mazda.

Tommy: They— a lot of people from radio got those. Kiss FM.

Ash: I've been to Ringwood Mazda.

Tommy: Ringwood Mazda just seem like they love the radio talent.

Josh: If you just go further, if you go further out, you might be able to get a better—

Tommy: what are they?

Ash: I've done that.

Tommy: What are they getting? What are they actually getting?

Ash: I'm gonna say this, whoever is giving Byron Cook a car, stop it.

Josh: Um, What sort of car? What are you looking for in a car? Would you drive from Sydney to Melbourne in it?

Ash: I've done deals. I've gone to, um, I used to drive out to Mercedes-Benz in Berwick, um, once a week. I was dealing with this guy and I put together a presentation, you know, a deck. Yeah, something. It was a PowerPoint thing. It was a picture of me basically. And, and then I just said to it was a great idea. Yeah, it was basically, um It was called Drive to Work in a Merc, and I drive people to work for free in a Merc.

Josh: It's great.

Ash: Yeah, with thanks to Mercedes-Benz Berwick. Um, and, uh, and then I just film it. This is like 3 years ago, and they're loving it. They're lapping it up. They're like, this is brilliant. I said, I fucking know. Yeah, where are the keys?

Josh: Bought a few GoPros for it.

Ash: No, no, but GoPros, just like fucking I'll, uh, I'll write a blog on it. And then, um, and then, um, and then I went out for the third time. Got an Uber out there too, cost a fortune. High-risk maneuver.

Josh: I know, bro.

Ash: I don't— dude, the whole time I was like, in my brain, yeah, just like, it's worth it, it's gonna be worth it, relax. It wasn't worth it. I did an Uber back and then like the guy called me and said email me because you were expecting a car on the way back. Yeah, yeah, I was expecting a car on the way back. I was actually going out there to pick up the keys. Yeah, and then he said, um, you know, restructuring. It's always a restructuring. Where?

Josh: Here.

Ash: I'm like, what? It's not good. No. So anyway, that was it. And then Ringwood Mazda— I drove— that guy's okay.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Um, I did a very similar thing with Ringwood Mazda. I think it was Drive to Work in a Mazda or something. No, it was called, um, Free Lift Friday, and I would give, um, people free free lifts around Melbourne on a Friday.

Josh: Yeah, for free.

Ash: Yeah, can you believe it? And then, um, I did it for 2 months and then they said we need the car back because of Japanese financial year. Apparently Japanese financial year— I've still got the email— um, finishes in like September or something. And I was talking about this on a podcast I was doing then, and then everyone was emailing me back saying there's no such thing as Japanese financial year. Oh fuck. So, um, it was— is it Daz?

Josh: Mr. 97, can you look up Japanese—

Tommy: Israeli financial year is the start of the year. So they—

Josh: South Africans, does Nando's run off that? Yeah.

Ash: Oh yeah, I want to talk about Nando's.

Tommy: Um, don't we all?

Ash: But also, I asked the water, Josh. I invited the, um, the boss of Ringwood Mazda to one of my stand-up shows, and I had this, um, bit where it's like a 5 It's a 7-minute story, one of my favourite stories, of how I crash a car and then I chase this woman— true story— around the streets of Melbourne because the police weren't gonna back me up. Because I'm on the phone to the cops, I'm saying, 'This chick's hit and run, she's fucking— she's not stopping.' And the cop's like, 'We'll just keep following it.' So then I just kept following her and I tell this storey and it's like— and then I basically fuck up this car, I fuck it up. And then because you're on a chase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you know, I embellish a bit, but it doesn't paint me as a good driver.

Josh: Sure.

Ash: Or trustworthy. And I forgot that Darren was in the audience from Ringwood Mazda. And I saw him after the show walking out, and I was like, oh, fucking hell, Darren was in the fucking audience. And I still got the keys to the Ringwood Mazda at this stage. That's why I invited him as a goodwill gesture. Yeah, free, free tickets for him and his fucking mistress. And, um, so then, um, I'm like really trying to save the day at the front. I'm like, Daz, I've made that story, mate, absolute bullshit. Um, it's a bit of gear. Yeah, you got to make it up from there. Yes. You know, and he's like, no, no, all good. Literally the next day, it was 2 days later, I got the Japanese financial year email.

Tommy: Really?

Josh: Yeah, '97, any word on the Japanese financial year?

Ash: Yeah, it's from April to March.

Josh: April to March.

Tommy: April to March.

Josh: April to March?

Ash: That's the whole year, it's 12 months. Oh, I'm sorry, I was gonna say, well, and then it's March. Yeah, okay, April to March. Well, that doesn't make sense.

Josh: Happy Japanese financial year, guys. Oh my God, did we miss—

Tommy: he was either—

Ash: that's a—

Tommy: well done, that's either an April Fool's joke and Darren was getting you on an April Fool's piece of gear back then.

Josh: It all makes sense though, because you—

Ash: tough one—

Josh: you would have been doing Was it Melbourne International?

Ash: No, I was doing an encore show, which sounds, uh, egotistical, but the demand I thought was there. Uh, and, um, Butterfly Club in the city.

Josh: Oh yeah, great place.

Ash: I did it in, um, August, August 8th. Um, but, um, no, no, it was, it was, it was good. Big shout out to, to Daz. Um, um, but, uh, what am I doing at the moment with cars? What are you driving? I own the car, BMW X5. It's good, but it's up in Bondi. It's getting a parking ticket as we speak because—

Josh: the one, do you reckon, or do they start to lay them?

Tommy: I've seen them laid. Uh, I thought they'd only do one, but if the car's been there for a while—

Ash: no, no, no, my permit only ran out March 31st. Okay, so if I was getting layered, I'm pretty stiff.

Tommy: Well, I reckon they would walk past and just look over and see that it's there and then go, ah, it's just that X5.

Ash: That's true.

Tommy: With the permit, you would— you'd think that you're just like, you're not even bothering going up because they've got this, they've got the same crew going around Bondi. They're pretty brutal. But then they are— you'd start knowing the track and, ah, X5, permit, fuck it.

Ash: That's true.

Josh: So TJ, you were just mentioning to Ash the space. Yeah. And deals.

Tommy: Well, I— what I'm taking is what I'm— the wrapped up in sort of your storeys and stuff. Take whatever you can.

Ash: Yeah, but don't be desperate, you know. You've gotta, um, you gotta have standards. Well, I read a, I read an inspo quote on Insta this morning, and it was something that said, um, direction is more important than pace. Okay, so, so pick your target. Um, yeah, Mercedes-Benz Berwick.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: And, and, um, and persist, persist, persist until they say no, and then, um, yeah, then you move on. But, uh, like, I think you've got to have an angle. You've got to have an angle. You guys had Seth Godin on your podcast. Yeah, that's a big fucking scoop.

Josh: Yeah, it was good.

Ash: I read his book yesterday morning, the whole thing, marketing. I read it. It was his shortest book by a mile, but it was still too long. Um, it could go for fucking 20 pages.

Josh: It's okay, it's about a 2-hour audiobook. It's a nice easy one.

Ash: Yeah. What was it like meeting Seth Godin?

Tommy: He's everything you think he'll be. Yeah, like he's what you hear. It's a bizarre thing because what you hear if you watch him speak, you know, online, yeah, or the way you read his words is how he fucking talks to any question. So if we asked, yes, how would you go about finding sponsorship to help our new Space Thrive. He'd just have some fucking answer.

Ash: Yeah, well, yeah, could you do it?

Josh: Could you do it?

Ash: Yeah, well, I read somewhere today that, you know, the inspo quote— no, hang on, let me do a fucking Seth Godin. It's not my area. We've got 5 minutes for it though. Here we go. Um, yeah, no, I'm, I'm not aware of exactly what you're saying, Tom. Um, but you strike an interesting point. I'm, I'm, uh, I'm, I'm loving the podcast at the moment. I know that's it for me.

Josh: Well, I think it's, it's good. Seth is a lot more articulate, to be honest.

Tommy: He would call me Tom though.

Josh: But he also—

Ash: did I say Tom?

Josh: You call me Tom. But the, but the other thing too is I don't think he would reference anything that he— anything that you've read he's written, probably. Yeah, he's got that part. He doesn't I don't get the vibe that Seth Godin is reading other people's shit. It's on his—

Tommy: yeah, all these Insta quotes are parroting other people. When you speak to him, it's like, fuck, he's the dude that came up with that. Yeah, that bit, what marketers talk about, he's the guy that said it or thought of it.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: How long ago was it that you were in LA?

Ash: By the way, I'm offended that you thought that Seth Godin was more articulate than my impersonation, Josh. I thought I was very articulate. In being Seth Godin then? Okay, I'm fucking thinking about walking off, to be honest.

Josh: Um, it was— no, it was, it was a good first.

Ash: You said what you said. Um, but, um, what were you saying?

Josh: LA.

Ash: LA, yeah.

Josh: When was it? What, what year did you— were you in LA? How long?

Ash: 2012 to 2014. Yeah, end of 2014. Yeah, but I didn't move back deliberately. I came back for, um, a mate's wedding. With the vision of always moving back or going back to LA. And so I was only ever coming back for 10 days, and then I just— you know how it is— I just didn't have money for a return fare. I was like $500 short for a one-way ticket back. And then I was like, um, just gotta get that $500 and also not spend any money.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Uh, and then I just spent more money, and I was like, I need— yeah, anyway, I couldn't catch my my tail.

Tommy: Um, so what happened? Did you have a room over there? Was there stuff? Did you have— No, no, no.

Josh: Can you ever visit LA again, or have you left?

Ash: Do you know this answer?

Josh: No.

Ash: Um, I owe a woman $2,000 US. Um, so I'm prepared to bump into her if I go back. I'm actually going back to, um, LA in 3 months. Um, I've got a date. With this chick.

Tommy: So you've lined it up, that's where you're going?

Ash: Yeah, I've met her on Insta. No, no, she said if you're ever in the area, I was like, I can't.

Tommy: Yeah, this is what we said to Seth Godin. He said, oh yeah, we basically just said, oh, we're going to be in America.

Josh: We weren't planning on being in New York. Yeah, then he said, oh yeah, he initially said, oh, let's do it remote. And I said, oh, let's— it'd be actually better to do it in person, we're going to be in New York. I said, we're going to be around October, let us know the date. And then we booked the flights after he confirmed. So then he got back to you with the date, and then I said, okay, Tommy. So we arrived 2 days beforehand.

Ash: Yeah, fucking sick, man.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: And how did you, uh, reach him?

Josh: Just email.

Ash: He's very good. I'm gonna find him. I'm gonna fucking find it.

Josh: It's not hard. Yeah, it's quite easy. He is good.

Ash: He's about 70% good. Some of his blogs are fucking way off. Oh man, I read a blog fucking this morning, I was like, man, you've lost it, pal.

Josh: What did he say?

Ash: Oh, it was shit. Made no sense.

Tommy: You know what though, when you do as many as he does—

Ash: Oh no, I get it, you gotta cheque it out.

Tommy: There has to be some—

Ash: I get it, I've read that. No, I said that. I was like in the back of the Uber and I think I just like let out a ugh.

Josh: Do you get motion sick when you're reading in the Uber?

Ash: No, because I'm on a phone.

Tommy: Yeah, big baby over here. Same with my wife. They can't be on—

Josh: What do you mean on the phone? That's how you get sick.

Ash: Oh, I thought you was like when you're reading a book. A lot of people get sick when they're reading books in cars.

Josh: What's the difference between the book and the phone?

Ash: It's a good question actually. Um, it's— yeah, there's definitely an answer.

Josh: Um, what do you— just quickly, what is it? What is the answer, do you think?

Ash: Oh, I think it's probably the light. Something to do with you're used to the iPhone, um, the bright light. I don't know, maybe there is a point there. I don't fucking care.

Tommy: I don't know.

Ash: Yeah, so what, you can't read? That's—

Josh: well, yeah, I can't read for long periods of time, which is good. It means that I sort of control my phone usage. So I want that when I— when I— only when I'm in a car.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: Do you think potentially with the Seth Godin thing, when you feel negatively towards the article, do you ever have a first self-reflection of maybe I'm upset today or I'm not?

Ash: No, no, no, no, it's all on Seth. Um, no, but he's, he's got enough in the tank for me to go, yeah, this guy knows what he's talking about overall.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: I, I've, I didn't realise I was doing it. I've stolen a Seth Godin quote and I was using it as my own.

Josh: Make some noise?

Ash: No, no, no, that's not Seth Godin. It's, uh, make a ruckus. He says that.

Josh: He says that. Make some noise is your version.

Ash: Go out and, you know, we just have quiet everywhere.

Josh: Hang on, I'm just going to bring down—

Ash: hang on, go out and, and so, so go out and make a ruckus. Yeah, yeah, some applause.

Tommy: Um, there is— yeah, we can give you that.

Ash: Don't, please don't. Are you gonna applause?

Josh: Yeah, we do. We've got to have a—

Ash: wow, there's live applause.

Josh: Yeah, okay, so you don't— so you're fine now. But with this $2,000 that you owe this lady in LA, what is that about?

Ash: Yeah, well, she— it's a long story, bro. Yeah, we were kind of dating.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Yeah. And then, um, she was also my pseudo-manager.

Josh: Okay, uh, always dangerous. Was it like a percentage deal sort of thing?

Ash: Dude, she kind of just took me under her wing and she's like, oh, you're going to be a star. And I'm like, I know. This is like, I wanna want in, do this. And then I booked this commercial. It's weird in America because you've got to pay union fees, um, on some jobs. And I remember looking at— I booked this job, I was going to play, um, some warlord fucking dude, and the money was like whatever, $3,000. But it was fucking $3,000 to pay the union fees, really. So I said it was actually more. I was gonna, I was gonna make a loss and I just said, Elizabeth, I'm not doing it. And she said— and I didn't have $3,000— and I said, I'm not doing it. She said, no, I'm paying for it, I'm paying for it.

Josh: And then I said, Judge Judy, in a way it goes that way, you know.

Ash: I want to pay her back. And then I said, I'll pay you back. And then within 2 weeks, um, I came back to Australia, like literally, and she's like emailing me saying, when are you back? You owe me $2,000. I'm like, hang on, let me I didn't get a fucking chance to pay the $2,000. And then another 2 weeks later, the abusive emails started coming, like, fucking really hurtful.

Josh: Yeah. And did it make you feel a bit sick in the stomach getting that, or no?

Ash: Well, I was just like, um, I thought we're friends, um, and I'm gonna give you the $2,000. I'm not gonna fucking run. Um, and I did, but I'm coming back and I'm gonna give you the $2,000. And then it got really full-on, like, the last email was like cease and desist. 'You know what, now you're not getting the 2 grand. You've overstepped the line of moral—

Josh: convenient for you.' Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ash: You fucking— I would win this court case now.

Josh: Really?

Ash: I can't remember the email. I think I deleted it. But so, you know, when you send an email, you're like, 'Never want to see that again.

Tommy: Very hurtful.' Were you just saying archive?

Josh: Were you staying at her place when you were in LA?

Ash: No, we weren't. We weren't having sex. We just pashed a bit.

Josh: Um, you can stay at the Can you not have sex and stay? Like Airbnb is an option.

Ash: No, I was staying, um, at a playboy place in LA at that stage. But, um, good to know you were just kissing, I guess. I wanted more. I wanted more.

Tommy: She wouldn't give it to you. Uh, she won't give it to you until you give her the money.

Ash: Yeah, no, I'm— but this is the thing, when I go back to LA, I'm gonna have to give her the $2 grand, I think. So I've got to have that ready. And that's $2 grand US, so that's about $3 grand. Yeah.

Josh: Um, Is there an apology maybe to Elizabeth, or you—

Ash: yeah, if we were to do 1% just down the barrel, if you like. Yeah, uh, we can— Elizabeth, if you're watching—

Josh: I'm sorry, I just spoke over you. Start again.

Ash: Okay, this is like on The Logies, uh, one of my favourite ever TV moments when Gretel Killeen interviews, uh, the Asian boy from Home and Away and makes him look down the barrel and say that he loves his girlfriend. Give it a YouTube, it's great to watch.

Josh: Oh, great.

Ash: Um, Elizabeth, if you're watching, um, this is not a Taliban video or anything. Um, you may remember me as the guy who owes you, uh, $2,000 US. Uh, I am that man, and, uh, I'm here to tell you that, uh, I miss you. I would have loved, uh, more to happen between us. I hope you're well. Uh, the 2 grand that I owe you is coming, and I'm also coming, um, to, uh, to LA.

Josh: What date are you going now?

Ash: I don't know, I'm probably not gonna go.

Josh: Have you been to LA?

Ash: I haven't been back because I've been worried about the visa stuff. Yeah, visa.

Josh: What's the, what's the visa stuff?

Ash: I, I, um, this is not really visa stuff, but I left America with, uh, 70 $1 overdraft from Bank of America. So I don't know what that means.

Tommy: Compound interest.

Ash: You know, man, like, I know Trump's doing a lot of fucking, um, stuff at the moment, but like, I don't know if there's gonna be like, you know, guards waiting for me, uh, when I arrive. And could you not bring him in? Like, you know, I was just fucking like a million bucks. I don't know.

Josh: Nah, I don't think that would give me anxiety though.

Tommy: What you can actually do, because you your ESTA would have run out.

Josh: No, but you, you would be on some sort of working visa.

Tommy: Not anymore. So that's run out. So if he can apply for an ESTA, see if it actually goes through.

Josh: Well, the ESTA would probably say on it, uh, have you worked? Have you, have you had a blah blah? What were you on?

Ash: One of the, uh, O-1 visa. Yeah.

Josh: Is the O-1 the exceptional?

Ash: Yeah, exceptional talent.

Josh: Yeah, exceptional talent. Do you remember what you had to— I've had friends who've done that.

Ash: It was comedian.

Josh: Yeah, and it was the newspaper clippings.

Ash: It was my whole life. It was— I was compiling my This Is Your Life, Mike Munro, and I was the executive producer of my own show.

Josh: And, uh, what was the biggest get you got in regards to written storeys about you?

Ash: Probably Peter Hallier.

Josh: Yeah, um, he wrote a storey about you?

Ash: Yeah, full, full, um, letter. Everything was letterhead.

Josh: Okay, so you references—

Tommy: you're getting a bunch of references.

Ash: It's— yeah, letterhead. Yeah, yeah, there was no like What did you say? Stories?

Josh: Well, because I know that some people are like, I actually need to show— you need to show that you're—

Ash: oh, we've got to get back in our media. So luckily I had some media in the paper. I just posted it. Yeah, really positive for my— Lillian Frank. Lillian Frank had plenty of articles about me. Okay, tonnes actually. Um, it was just Lillian Frank articles.

Josh: And then, um, and then so you've got the reference, I've got a reference, uh, my—

Ash: an old radio boss who just gave me 2 warnings in a week.

Tommy: Wow, what for?

Ash: Oh, you don't want it. I actually can't even talk about that. Um, serious?

Tommy: He had a volatile career?

Ash: No, no, it's one— it's, it's, it's something that wouldn't play well today.

Tommy: Okay.

Ash: Yeah, it's not what you think if you're thinking someone fucked.

Tommy: Um, well, when you can't say it and you set it up like you do, you can take it out.

Ash: It doesn't sound This— I'm digging myself a hole. Have you—

Tommy: you haven't said the thing, so it's fine.

Ash: I've said too much. Do you—

Josh: what did they actually say in the reference? Do you remember?

Ash: I just, um, you know, Ash is exceptional.

Josh: How does Peter know Peter Helmier?

Ash: I worked with Pete on a few shows. He was some stand-up shows, and I did his show It's a Date, uh, on the ABC, and I did one of his, um, Tropfest films as well. So Pete's always been good, helped me a lot with stand-up too when I was starting out.

Josh: With the, the $2,000 that you owe Elizabeth and a few other little mistakes, a couple of warnings you've had, do you feel like you've grown up a little bit? Do you look back now and think, I wouldn't do that nowadays, or actually this bit isn't funny, I'm probably just a bit of an asshole?

Ash: Beg your pardon?

Josh: Maybe I'm just a bit of an asshole.

Ash: Look, mate, uh, in life you do your best at that point in time, and my intentions are always good. I'm not, um, someone who's gonna go and fucking murder someone. Yeah, I've always said that. And, um, and, uh, Elizabeth is getting her money. Yeah, it's fucking— I've covered it. I'll get the message. Um, but, uh You know, I'm a good person.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: And, um, yeah, it's, it's no further comment.

Josh: This wasn't a deposition. It was more an opportunity. Well, it was, it was mainly an opportunity for me to, for you to say, oh yeah, even though I had those two warnings, I've changed, or whatever.

Ash: No, to be honest, my life is getting more crazy. Why? I just, even these storeys I've just been telling you, they're like I haven't thought about them in years.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: Um, so, you know, it's good to remember things and you go, oh, that's right, I did that, that's pretty crazy. And then you have another thought and you're like, oh, fuck it, that's another story.

Tommy: Yeah, I was a stripper in another life.

Ash: Were you?

Tommy: Yeah, when I was 19, I had a business and I travelled around New Zealand doing stage shows as a stripper. It feels like an out-of-body experience, like it feels like another That's not me. Like, I feel like, fuck, I don't even like getting my top off. Yeah, you know, like, it's— but you do it a lot in the office though, mate. I just got to change my t-shirt into the show t-shirt.

Josh: That's his show t-shirt.

Ash: Is this a show?

Tommy: Well, I wear white and Josh wears black, and so I come— I was in grey as I got here.

Ash: Oh, fair, fair.

Tommy: But I don't even— like, it's— I can't be fucked. Like, I've got no interest in getting my top off, stripping stuff.

Ash: But you've, you've, you've given up, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gave up, I gave up.

Tommy: But So I look back in that time in my life and go, yeah, it was me, but it was a fucking different version of me. And so now I'm a new version.

Ash: You're a dad now. I'm a dad. You're a businessman. You're moving into new premises with Josh.

Tommy: Yeah, I'm a husband.

Ash: You've got Mr. 97 that you're fucking—

Tommy: I'm another father.

Ash: Extorting. You know, I hope you're writing everything down, Mr. 97, of everything they say to you and do to you, because they'll fucking burn these pricks, you know. Absolutely. Yeah, I hope you're not joking too.

Tommy: Yeah, last night I was at the, um, I went to the chemist, I bought an asthma pump. I just, I just like to— yeah, Ventolin. Yeah, I like to have one in the house. I don't even use it that much, but I like— it's almost a mind thing. It's like if I know something bad went down, I could get it. And so when—

Josh: for what?

Tommy: Sorry, for asthma? For me, for me.

Josh: Yeah, is it a steroid? I remember hearing that as a kid being like, I was worried about man boobs when I was a kid.

Ash: Are you an asthmatic too?

Josh: I had asthma, I don't have it anymore. It's a contentious issue.

Tommy: Do you have asthma?

Ash: Yeah, I'm big asthmatic.

Tommy: Yeah, so you know, this is great. And so you know, when you're pumped, I'm pumped up. You feel anxious if you don't have one.

Ash: It's great to have a fucking puffer though. You get the puffer there.

Josh: I wonder if Ventolin would do a brand deal.

Ash: There you go, this is it, we are getting Ventolin on board. Yeah, absolutely. This is your best idea yet, Josh.

Tommy: I'm telling you what I thought last night, I was like There's moments in life where I've been— I'm tempted to lie to make my life easier, and one of those is I literally conjured up the storey before I went up to the prescriptions counter where you're gonna get it from behind the counter.

Josh: He's not even asthmatic.

Tommy: I am an asthmatic, but the conversation I hate having with the pharmaceutical person, the pharmacist, is the one around instructions of how to use this fucking thing. Oh no, bro, I've had asthma since I was 2.

Ash: You know how to use it? Yeah, fucking.

Tommy: And so, and it's like, is it for you? Do you know how to use it? Don't use it like this. I had this storey where I was like, I'm getting it for my son who's got asthma. And I was just like, why'd you say that? Well, no, I didn't say it, but I had the story. So I was ready to lie to avoid this, this awkward, annoying interaction that you have to have each time you get it, right?

Josh: I feel like they would ask more questions if it was for your son.

Tommy: Uh, yeah, maybe. I didn't have to lie. I didn't do it, but I was thinking about lying to make life easier. Like those moments, and that's one of them for for me where it's like, fuck, what's some way I can get out of having to answer questions? Because it's like, yeah, they're getting at me.

Ash: Yeah, well, you just answer the truthful way. That was definitely the quickest way.

Tommy: I didn't have to. He actually didn't ask me any questions.

Josh: He said— oh really?

Tommy: All he said was, would you like the home brand or whatever it is, the no-name brand?

Josh: Did you just say it's for my son?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Have you ever lied to a pharmacist?

Ash: I reckon they lie to a lot. Honestly, yeah, I lie. It's white lies, I call them. I lied to my brother who's a medical doctor. I get scripts off him. But you know, I just remember when you're talking about the puff up, the Ventolin, I just remembered that this is a fun trick to play if you're at home or even if you're at work. You get the Ventolin and no word of a lie, we used to do this as kids, and you stick it up your ass and then you give it a puff What does it do? It is freezing. And you go, holy shit. And then does it actually pass around?

Josh: You did that?

Ash: Yeah, me and my brother. He's a doctor now.

Josh: I think people did it with warts and stuff. I think I remember people like using it as a sort of a self-diagnosing.

Tommy: That there, can you see that scar? That's from me being a gronk. When I was young, spraying an asthma pump onto my hand. Really stupid move. And I had a scar that was like quite bad for a while.

Josh: It's not actually—

Tommy: currently, yeah, he's touching my head.

Ash: No fucking scar.

Tommy: You can see the scar.

Ash: Jesus. Yeah, okay, there's a little bit of scar.

Tommy: There's a scar.

Ash: All right, you won me over. I was gonna say there better be a scar. I can't stand people like, oh, look at my scar. And you're like, where? And they're like, oh, it's a scar. I'm like, fucking, fucking, there's not. This really annoys me.

Josh: The podcast that you have, The Ash Williams Show, do you think that it will— do you want it to be your full-time shtick, your full-time thing, or do you see it as a side thing to stand-up and other ventures?

Ash: It's a bit of both. It's just something that I started because I had to do something, and I was doing a few other podcasts and then we weren't recording as regularly as I would have liked, and then I thought, fuck it, I'll do my own. I've got some stories, and now I just use it as a testing ground for, for, you know, material that may one day parlay into stand-up. And so that's what I'm doing at the moment. Um, I didn't really have a show ready for this year, uh, so I want to have a head start on a show for next year. I'm just, just gonna sit down and fucking, um, stitch it out. But that's what's great for me with my podcast is I just kind of and, you know, you guys are together, which is lovely, but I kind of— I'm on my own most of the time. So I was yelling to a mic and it was boom, do 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and then do it again. So twice a week.

Josh: Tommy and I are both narcissists and we struggle to work with others.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: Is that something that— like, there's the Daily Talk Show has been great because we do it as a duo in some regards, but it's been a learning working together, working together with people versus working on your own. What's your preference?

Ash: They're both good fun. I'd say it's easier to do if you're working together. It's like working out at the gym. You're gonna do— if you're meeting your mate at 8 AM every morning, you're gonna work out. Whereas if you're on your own, you go, I might do it later, you know. So it's just about having the deadlines. And that's why, um, me going from— I was doing like one podcast every 10 days to like start doing 2 a week. It stretched me a lot, but once you get used to it, yeah, it's better for you.

Tommy: You've built that muscle. On your Instagram was the thing that you took from Seth Godin. I loved in your bio, it says, I've given myself a podcast.

Ash: Oh yeah, did— is that Seth Godin?

Josh: No, no, no, no. He talks about picking yourself.

Tommy: Well, it seems inspired by him because he's all about just choosing yourself. Don't wait.

Ash: Definitely. I wasn't even on board with Seth Godin like then.

Josh: Didn't know him.

Ash: No, um, by the way, I can, I can record longer. Um, I'm enjoying—

Josh: okay, great.

Ash: Um, my tennis game can wait. Yeah.

Josh: Um, who are you playing with?

Ash: I'm playing with a guy called James.

Josh: Yeah. Is he a good tennis player?

Ash: That's right. Thinks he's better than what he is.

Tommy: Um, who's gonna win? What's the, what's the final?

Ash: He should win. He's represented Australia at the moment, uh, in the, um, uh, under-40s.

Josh: Could we play doubles one day with you guys?

Ash: No, I don't do that. I don't do that. No, no, because I just don't. It's like, um I don't know, man. It's just like, it's no fun for me.

Josh: Playing doubles, the team sport thing?

Ash: No, it's just like, um, what are you good at? Um, no, seriously.

Tommy: Um, well, I think you're trying to translate to sport.

Josh: Uh, no, it doesn't need to be sport.

Ash: It can be anything.

Tommy: Filming stuff, filming stuff.

Ash: I think like, what's something you're better at than most people?

Josh: Walking.

Tommy: No, I reckon you'd outwalk majority.

Ash: Are you actually a walker?

Josh: Yes, yes, absolutely. I could outwalk you. No. I had a challenge a year ago to walk, actually a year and a half ago, to walk a million steps in a month.

Ash: What is that? How many K's?

Josh: That's 30 kilometres a day.

Tommy: It's a weird flex seeing as you didn't finish it.

Josh: I only did 3 days because my calf muscle got so tight that my foot became a bit fucked.

Ash: I reckon I could outwalk you.

Tommy: You reckon? What's the, just off the top of your head, the number, kilometer, how far did you do?

Ash: If it was like, um, you know, just a walk fest, who can walk the longest in 24 hours, what could you do without cheating?

Tommy: There's no cheating, you gotta walk.

Ash: Oh yeah, but there's fucking, uh, the walking races, or the people cheat. No, so like, um, it wouldn't be— what's her fucking name? She got disqualified from the gold medal. Um, oh well, that's the thing, I'd remember your name if you didn't cheat.

Josh: But it's not sort of the traditional walking. Is that it?

Ash: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: The, um, it's not the, you know how they do the whole ankle, there's rules around it. It's not that, just sort of a standard walk.

Ash: Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I'd give it a crack. What's your longest walk in the last, um, 6 months that you've done? Because I walked from Southern Cross Station in Victoria to, um, Glenferry Road, Hawthorn, with a backpack, uh, full of microphones. It was quite heavy.

Josh: It's nothing.

Tommy: It's nothing.

Josh: No, I think I did.

Ash: I think I don't think it's nothing.

Tommy: I think I did 8Ks, 10Ks.

Josh: I did 40 kilometers.

Ash: Yeah, maybe.

Josh: Yeah, I did in London, like when I was over there, I just walked everywhere.

Ash: No, you're not, you're not properly cooked because like there's something wrong with people who can walk that far.

Josh: No, I came from a golfing background. I've sort of got a golfer's walk.

Ash: Oh, okay.

Josh: So quite sort of fast-paced.

Ash: Yeah, that's like swimmers. There's something wrong with swimmers. So I don't want to like, um, ostracise every, um, sport. Yeah, but, uh, it's a bit weird.

Josh: Is tennis always been like a thing that you've done, or is this since—

Ash: Yeah, no, I was close to doing pro.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Yeah, read the Fitness First magazine. I'll give it to you. I fucking, um, by the way, I misquoted 10 times. Dude, I, I've got the email.

Josh: Was it because the PT fucking interviewed you? I'll say it here because I don't think anyone will see this.

Ash: Um, I'd be surprised. Elizabeth's gonna say, well, if Elizabeth says anything good, um, I'll get an email saying, I hope you don't mind, I've made up, um, some quotes, some quotes. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, I've made up some quotes that you'd say, that you'd say.

Josh: What the fuck?

Ash: Who does that?

Tommy: He paraphrased.

Ash: So then I said, no, don't do that, I will make up my own quotes and I will send back the edited copy. And he goes, great, received, all good. And then it comes out and all of his quotes are in there. Geez. And then I texted, it was too late, I emailed him. What happened to the fucking— To my quotes. He said, uh, my quotes were better. I'm like, but they're not real.

Tommy: Your quotes are yours. How can you say that?

Ash: Like, they make no sense.

Tommy: So what we're talking about is at Fitness First, big chain here, it's actually a global chain.

Josh: It's my gym actually.

Tommy: He's got a membership. He's got a membership.

Josh: It's my gym, yes.

Tommy: Yeah, and so, uh, this is where I go to. Yeah, I frequent, and I frequently see your, your fucking scone as I walk in on the section. There's— you are on the front cover.

Josh: I've been seeing this the last few days.

Ash: Every time I walk in, um, Instagram or something, I'm getting no traction off it. I gotta tell you, nothing.

Tommy: I did think if you didn't get a free lifetime membership—

Ash: I've got nothing. I'm paying.

Tommy: You paid to be on the front cover?

Ash: Well, no, no, I'm paying, um, to be a member of Fitness First. I should actually ask them because there's a special section at the gym where I go, which is only for VIPs. And when I say VIPs, it's like Todd Sampson I've seen in there. Oh yeah, Tim Robards.

Josh: Uh, this is in Sydney?

Ash: In Sydney. And there was one other guy. And once I got in there, once my scanner worked, and I was like, my fucking scanner works! And then I went back the next day and it didn't work. I was like, fuck. Um, and then I walked anyway.

Josh: What was in there? It sounds like there'd be just a big TV.

Ash: It's basically like a brothel.

Josh: Yeah, without women.

Ash: Yeah, yeah. Um, and, uh, what'd you see? Just dudes loving it.

Tommy: Todd Sampson doing YouTube.

Ash: I saw Todd Sampson. Um, he didn't look like he wanted to talk, to be fair to him. Nah, he looks pretty standoffish, fully erect.

Tommy: Um, so what did you get out of it? They paid you some cash?

Ash: No money. No, it's fucking free.

Tommy: Really?

Josh: Yeah, they came to you with an email.

Ash: Come on, dude, I'm fired up after this.

Tommy: Um, you're getting on the phone?

Ash: No, I'm gonna call, call them.

Josh: Um, who do you— what's the contact? Is that like a comms department? Is it—

Ash: I'm gonna talk to the head of Fitness First. You know what's funny though? Years ago, I don't know if I've ever spoken about this, I used to work— we've got to really quickly talk about Nando's and your, um, deals too though. But like, um, I used to work at Fitness First in, um, Perth. Because I was over there actually, that was my first foray into show business. I was a G-Stream waiter. And then before I was a G-Stream waiter, I was working at Fitness First as a membership consultant where you sell the gym memberships, right?

Tommy: It's a hard task.

Ash: It's bullshit. But your first month there's no quotas, so you don't need to sell anything, right? Everything you sell you get to keep, right? So it's a retainer plus sales. So I— my plan was to work there for 5 to 6 weeks until they find out that I've been lying to all the customers. So I'm like, come in, come in. And then I'm like, yeah, this is the solarium and this is this door. And I go, yeah, it's a bit— it's locked at the moment, someone's using it. And they're like, where's a free solarium? I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, you just come in and ask for me, I'll give you tokens. And then I'm like, I made up all this other stuff too. I was like, yeah, so let's sign in.

Josh: Do you see it as content as well?

Ash: Like, when you did— I was 21.

Josh: So at that point it's literally just survival.

Ash: Yeah. And then, um, and then I'd get calls going, it's like, fucking, um, you know, Eric's at reception for you, he's asking about the tokens. I'm like, uh, tell him I'm not here. And then, uh, they're in the second drawer. But then I got walked into fitness. You know when you know you're gonna get fired?

Josh: This is—

Ash: you have a feeling that day. You've been fired?

Tommy: Uh, I've been very close to it.

Ash: You just know, like, you know, it's like, fuck, two warnings. Yeah, this was no warnings, this was just a straight firing. I don't even think that they're allowed to do that. And I walked into this fucking dude's office, Andrew, piece of shit.

Josh: Um, I hope this all made it into the first mag.

Ash: I'm just quoting exactly from the article.

Josh: Andrew's fucking spewing. Do you reckon he got the delivery of the magazine Dude, I reckon that's what I was thinking.

Ash: This is like the perfect storm. Like, he's like, he's like, that's the guy fucking fired in the showers. He fired me in the showers.

Tommy: And so what happened?

Ash: We shower together, and then, um, we're out there— no, not, not in the same shower. And, and then he walks out, he goes, I need to talk to you. I said, about what, the tokens? And he's like, yeah, the tokens. He goes, you know, people aren't happy. I said, and I go, yeah, yeah. And I just was so sick of working there anyway. And he goes, yeah, you're fired. I said I said, fucking no worries. Can I still do a workout? Yeah, do one more workout, get out of here.

Josh: Yeah, that's— at that point you don't go back, I guess.

Ash: I saw him, I saw Andrew, um, about 2 years ago at the photo shoot. This is another Fitness First, and he kept looking at me, and I was like, he knew who you were. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, he definitely knew who I was, and— but I don't think he knew that I knew who he was, and I knew.

Josh: Um, and because you're very good with names, I feel like that's a quality of yours.

Ash: Yeah, I've just always been good at names. Um, kind of had a comp going when I was 16 with a mate at school.

Josh: What was his name?

Ash: Ollie, who could name, um, everyone in the school, uh, and name which house they were in, right?

Tommy: It's pretty solid.

Ash: And I can tell you to this day, not yet, your schoolhouse, not their home address. Um, and yeah, still to this day people just— I'll see like someone who went to school with and they'll be like, you know, uh, Dominic Mendonça, and I'll get Bellarmine.

Josh: Could you do 5 for us? 5 names with their houses now, just as a bit of a—

Ash: I mean, I don't really want to.

Tommy: Um, is it one of the things that you see there?

Ash: You're not going to be impressed because I could just say anything.

Josh: No, I would actually still be impressed.

Ash: Um, next question.

Josh: I thought that was one of my—

Tommy: it's one of those ones where you see I'm surprise. We bumped into someone yesterday, I haven't seen them in years, and I just saw their face and the name came to me. I'd forgotten who they were from— for the— since I last saw them.

Josh: That's it, you know.

Tommy: But it's like one of those things, do you have that too? You see the person, you're like, boom.

Ash: Yeah, just sometimes it won't come to you, but just, uh, release it, it'll come to you.

Josh: Yeah, Marie Kondo.

Tommy: Don't panic.

Ash: Don't— I've never seen Marie Kondo.

Josh: Really?

Ash: Um, what's your room like?

Tommy: What's your— what the fuck? Just the state. Like, are you a clean dude?

Ash: It's messy.

Tommy: Are you a messy dude?

Ash: Messy. Um, but like yesterday I couldn't, uh, remember my ex-girlfriend's phone number and I was like, what is it again? And, uh, why'd you need it? It's just always good to know. And, um, and I don't keep it in my phone because like it's— if you're drunk it's too easy to text. So I'm like, I've got to have the cognizance to know it, right?

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: And so Um, is she from Melbourne? Yeah, yeah, he's from Melbourne.

Josh: Okay, and you're down in town?

Ash: In town. And then I woke up and I was like, fucking can't remember the number. And I was like, just relax, buddy, just relax, it'll come to you. I went and made a Makona, and then sure enough, yahtzee, I got the full number and in she goes. Is Makona not a sponsor? And I'm going to stop plugging them too because they are dogs and they don't get back tomorrow. I do want to sponsor, um, and shout out to— actually, no, that deal's not done. I'll come on the show again.

Tommy: No pay, no say is the mantra we have here.

Ash: And you guys are working with Nando's?

Tommy: Well, they're one of our clients that we have our production company through Big Media Company that we work closely with them.

Josh: So we do video content for them. The big shift is going to be when we say, hey, just, you know, sponsor us and we'll do stuff on the show. Be like, hey, I'm enjoying my peri peri chips. You should. And they pay us $5 grand.

Ash: It sounds like a good deal for them. Yeah, you know what, you want a free tip? You should be using this back shit as, um, sponsorship.

Tommy: Sponsorship.

Josh: Lost Cam pays 10 grand.

Ash: You joking?

Tommy: An app?

Josh: Absolutely.

Ash: I was gonna say, I didn't know what the Lost Cam was.

Tommy: All right, uh, finish with top 5 tips for us to get some, uh, sponsorship for our new headquarters.

Josh: Was that one?

Ash: I'm not doing the houses. Um, I'll do one. James Ralph, Clover. There you go.

Josh: Um, solid.

Tommy: Yeah, Mr. 97, confirm that please.

Ash: Imagine if James Ralph is watching.

Josh: He would be. I reckon he would be.

Ash: Uh, statistics.

Josh: But, um, do we get that from what Ash says? Do we go down with Ash for producing the show? Do we know?

Ash: No, I've been okay tonight.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Um, Uh, the Nando's thing. I want an introduction to Nando's, um, because I eat there when I'm in Melbourne. I eat there every night, like every night. So much so that the guy at, uh, Nando's Bourke Street, I call up and he goes, 'Yes, Ash.' Um, his name is Victor. Victor goes, 'Yes, Ash, it's Victor. I know chicken supreme wrap and you want the feta salad with extra tenderloins.' And I'm like, 'Oh, this is pathetic that you know.' my name.

Josh: And you actually call them directly and then go pick it up? Yep. Okay, that's walking.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, but I just— that just shows you how much, um, I go there.

Tommy: Well, you said that, uh, your body, your, your rig for the Fitness First shoot, that was built by Nando's.

Ash: Built by Nando's.

Tommy: Yeah, I should have fucking plugged them, um, but well, the bloke wouldn't have put your quote in there anyway.

Josh: What sort of roasting do you like?

Ash: I like, uh, it's a good question. I like mild or hot.

Tommy: What's the diff? Why do you just—

Ash: why would you go hot? What do you just want? A bit more like spice in it?

Josh: Yeah, it does make sense. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

Tommy: Like, I'm just a— I'm hot every time. There's no time that I'd ever go, I just want something a bit mild, like I just want to take the fucking power out of the chicken.

Ash: But what about on a hot day? So 40 degrees?

Tommy: Yeah, Nando's offer air conditioning.

Ash: That's right, the air conditioning is excellent. Sometimes though, I am just— don't have the energy to deal with the the chili.

Josh: You've read a bad Seth Godin blog. Yeah, you're in the car, you see, just medium today, mate.

Tommy: You've forgotten your ex-girlfriend's number. You're at Nando's, you're a bit shitty.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I just, I just, uh, tested myself to see if I still remembered, um, her number, and I do.

Tommy: Should we call it?

Ash: We can, we can run through this. Um, but, um, imagine if you could pull thoughts from people and you just go, no, bad luck. Yeah, robot. Uh, she's on the line. Hello?

Josh: Hey, babe. Is that an invent— you should definitely patent that invention, it's quite good.

Ash: Yeah, be pretty good actually. So the 5 tips?

Tommy: Yes, 5 tips securing some brand deals for our expansion.

Josh: What do you reckon?

Ash: Know your brand first.

Josh: Great, K-N-O-W. Yep, yes, not no apostrophe your brand because it doesn't really make sense.

Ash: No apostrophe?

Josh: No, I was just— know your brand. We should be doing it now if it was N-O comma.

Ash: You know, you know, no brand, no, no brand, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so Know Your Brand. Fucking shut up Josh! Um, um, he's confusing me now like what did I say? Um, okay, yeah, so just clarifying guys, K-I'm gonna spell out all of my words: K-N-O- Y-O-U-R.

Josh: Um, okay, you really don't spell.

Tommy: Okay, number one, spelling.

Ash: Well, Seth Godin just released a blog about how he's, uh, some mob are not doing vowels in their fucking, um, WordPress. So Seth Godin's whole blog was missing vowels. Oh, interesting. Oh no, trust me. And then in the blog it said, read below's blog without vowels, and then he finished with no thanks or something.

Josh: I was like, so you liked that as a blog post?

Ash: No, it was the worst yet. All right, um, he's a bit of a geek, he likes going— Yeah, um, so second tip, uh, who do you want to work with?

Tommy: Rhetorical question. Yeah, yeah, ask yourself each day.

Josh: Know your brand.

Tommy: Know your brand. Who do you want to work with?

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Uh, third tip Come up with an angle, right?

Josh: Okay, angle.

Tommy: Everything needs the angle. Is it—

Ash: but a good angle, not a fucking shit.

Tommy: Is the angle in the name like the Mercedes-Benz?

Ash: No, no, the name is just, uh, sprinkle to the cake. You need to have a good cake. Um, icing to the cake, whatever.

Josh: Yeah, was that number 4?

Ash: That's 4.

Josh: You need icing on the cake?

Ash: No, that's not 4.

Josh: Fucking hell, Josh, we're at 4.

Ash: Back to 4. Uh, 4. There's only 4 tips, by the way.

Tommy: Uh, that's fine, I'll settle.

Ash: No, no, last tip, uh, find the right person to contact.

Tommy: Okay, and who is that usually?

Ash: Do your research, number 5.

Josh: That's very, very good. Uh, I've asked, I've asked many people who have had on the show, I've got a lot of pushback to going to a psychologist. And so I've been asking people whether they've had experience with therapists or psychologists and what it's been like. Have you been one to go to a therapist?

Ash: No, but I'm not against it. Very full-on question to close with.

Josh: Yeah, that's how we like to close.

Ash: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: Um, have you ever thought about— maybe you're in the same camp— is it like, what are they going to offer? Like, what is the— what's their value prop versus listening to an audiobook on How to Win Friends and Influence People?

Ash: Um, Oh mate, I think, I think everyone's different. I think if you can get more in touch with, with who you are, then, then it's good, isn't it?

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Um, and I think you can tap into some material as well if you're, if you're in the right headspace, then you're going to get more material. So, so yeah, man, I, I don't think there's— I think it's good that we're outside of doing it for content.

Josh: Would you—

Ash: oh, would I do it for content?

Josh: No, outside of it.

Ash: I do a show on my psychologist.

Tommy: When you say material, are you meaning content or material on yourself?

Ash: No, I'm saying content. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: So you're doing it, it's like anything, it's like, well, you realise your flaws and you sort of flaunt them because it's— you embrace your, your everything, you embrace who you are, your downfalls, your fucking wins.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good. You gotta be— I mean, everyone's different. I'm very open, but like, so like, yeah, and Whatever you can do to be more open, I think.

Josh: Is there a risk in being too open? Have you ever said— are you that— you seem like the type of guy who is so open.

Tommy: The two warnings at Nova.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, but that was good fun.

Josh: Are there moments where you're like, I wish I, wish I didn't say that? Or it seems like you just sort of—

Ash: oh, you're learning, aren't you? Just learn. Of course you say things that you sometimes shouldn't say, but you learn. You know, we all make mistakes. Um, you know, I'm really sounding very mature as we are ending in this podcast, but yeah, just fucking have a swing. I mean, at the end of the day, who fucking cares? It doesn't really matter as long as you're not really, um, hurting anyone. And I go back to murdering people, and you're not doing that, and you, uh, you're not offending too many people. You're gonna offend someone.

Tommy: Yeah, well, I think that's a comedian— comedians, that's— there's a high chance you will offend people.

Ash: Yeah, I like it when people, um, I get a reaction of something. Yeah, but, um, yeah, the last thing I want to be is middle of the road where I'm not offending anyone.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Well, Ash Williams, he's not murdering anyone. Uh, you've got a point.

Ash: So you're seeing a psychologist at the moment?

Josh: No, I haven't, but, uh, my girlfriend and, uh, Tommy, all these people are saying, 'No, you should give it a crack.' Uh, relationship counseling? No, just personal, personal side, because I use Bree, my girlfriend, her psychologist as sort of a proxy. I said, oh, what did Ruth, your psychologist, say about me doing that?

Ash: Sure.

Josh: She's like, oh, she thought it was fine. Okay, good.

Tommy: He's the kind of guy—

Ash: pretty good, you're getting free psychology.

Josh: Yeah, I was like, but I get— I see the narcissism in— because I'll call Bree after and I said, like, did you mention the podcast?

Ash: Did you mention this? Yeah, can you— I've got some questions, can you ask this?

Josh: Has Ruth listened to the podcast? And Bree said no, she hasn't listened to the podcast.

Ash: At the end of the day too, you've got to remember too, psychologists are just people.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: As well.

Josh: And that's a slight concern I have with them.

Ash: Well, yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Josh: Because they are people and I feel like there is that people pleasing where I just want them to listen to my podcast.

Ash: Yeah, but I think people, not all of them, but you think they've got all the answers. They're just doing their best and they've got their own issues as well. I know a psychologist, a friend of a friend, And she got some troubles.

Josh: Really?

Tommy: She fucked up. But it doesn't— it's like the fat personal trainer. There is something that they can offer somebody.

Josh: Well, I yelled at a PT once because he said, do you want abs or not? And I said, you don't fucking have abs. That's my response.

Tommy: It's a good response.

Josh: It was annoying because it— but it was a contra deal.

Ash: What did he say to that?

Josh: Well, he was fine with it. We actually had a contra deal going where I did film— this was 10 years ago— and I would do filming for him in exchange for PT. But then it just turned into me doing filming because I didn't do the PT, so it didn't really work out.

Ash: Right, right.

Josh: He got a lot of great videos though.

Ash: It sounds like a better deal for him. Yeah, it was definitely.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, as the master of the deal. Yeah, you are. Yeah.

Ash: Well, and just in closing, my ex-girlfriend, whom— whose number I remember, she wanted me to go to relationship counselling with her. Um, and you know, we'd only been together for like a month, and, um, she's like I think we should go to a counselor. I'm like, what do you mean?

Tommy: That's pretty—

Ash: I haven't met your parents, so we just gotta fucking—

Josh: pretty keen.

Ash: And then, um, we never went.

Tommy: I've been with my wife, relationship counselor. Yeah, we were dating then, we weren't married yet, but it was nice. It's absolutely— there's something to learn from. I think that's the thing, you can't have some formed opinion or answers, and you don't know the answers, they don't know the answers, but it's a conversation that could lead to some answers.

Ash: Also, what you're trying to understand— when we're emotional, we're irrational. And when you're in a relationship, all it is is emotions.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: So if you can defuse yourself from the emotion— and that's why talking to someone like that can be good, because then you finally understand your wife or your girlfriend and you go, ah, fuck, that's why you do that. Oh, that's why you're upset because I said that. Ah, fuck. Oh, okay.

Tommy: And you don't know what you don't know, Josh. And I know you think you know a lot And so when you, when you, you think you know what they're going to say or the answers, there's a whole bunch of stuff that you may walk away from and go, fuck, I didn't know that. And now I realize.

Josh: I think there'd be a part of it though that I would be, especially in like the couple situation, where I would not treat it like a debate, not that sort of antagonistic, but I'll definitely be trying to sway, like to be liked. I feel like there is an inclination where I'm like, I I want to frame this in a way.

Ash: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: By being overly self-aware, so I'm like, oh yeah, I know I'm going to tell you everything bad about me.

Tommy: And then I'm going to say like, there's a high chance if you, if you're in a relationship and you both fucked up, you got issues, whatever it is, if you both worked on yourselves, yeah, it would sort of sort out. It will help, it will assist the relationship in some ways. So I don't think, you know, you start with one-on-one counseling.

Ash: Yeah, but it's a process. It's a process. What it's like, uh, you forget what you, you learned the day before. Yeah, don't you think? I'm sure you and your wife told me you, you have a great day and you understand, and then the next day or a week later you're like, oh yeah, you forget because life gets in the way and stuff. But that's why I think it's a process that you, you've always got to be, um, kind of having your foot on the pedal a bit and, and making progress and then moving forwards together. Don't be idle.

Josh: Do you feel like you're self-aware?

Ash: Yeah, I do, I do. But being in relationships is tough, mate. It's tough.

Tommy: Like, the time you have to consider someone else. It's hard going from a long stint of being single to being in a relationship. Yeah, going from being a, just a boyfriend-girlfriend to a marriage, there's a, there's a different feel, there's a different level of commitment. That I— maybe I put it on myself, but there definitely is that you're working through things in different stages. And even when you are with somebody, there's a level of working— there's a level of working out, working out how you both work together, how you work alone, why you do that.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, I love it.

Josh: Um, do you have any dating advice? So very quickly, Mr. 97 specifically, so, uh, he was on a podcast podcast, we got, uh, yeah, I saw it.

Ash: You're trying to give him a route or something?

Josh: Yeah, a date. A date. We're staying with the date. So our friend Shameless, they've got a, uh, yeah, a big following. And so, uh, they did a video doing a call out. Mr. 97 had never been on a date up until this year. He went on his first date based on our doing. Yeah, I'd like to say. Yeah. And so where were we at, 97, with your dating? So you've been on how many dates?

Ash: 2.

Josh: Okay, 2.

Ash: Yeah, with the same chick? No, ah, 2 different. Okay, and have you kissed any of them?

Josh: No.

Ash: How old are you? 19. That's normal, that's normal, bro. Have you ever kissed a girl before?

Josh: No.

Ash: Dude, I'm shocked by this. You're a good-looking guy. He's like a Mormon family or something, you know? No, seriously, come from like a sheltered upbringing or something? No, no. What the fuck? You definitely don't have older siblings.

Josh: No, I got one older sibling. Yeah, sister, older brother.

Ash: What the fuck's this story? Uh, yeah, two relationships, two girlfriends. Yeah, interesting. Is he way older than you?

Tommy: Nah, one year.

Ash: He's a fucking idiot. So, mate, what's the advice?

Josh: So can you play the big brother maybe to Mr. 97?

Ash: He's not old, he needs to be at least 2 years older.

Josh: For what?

Ash: I don't know, just be like fucking kind of pre-paving the path for you. Okay, yeah.

Josh: So you can do that.

Ash: There's no rush. Yeah. I'm kind of in your position. I'm 37.

Josh: And you've never kissed?

Ash: No, I've kissed a girl.

Josh: Elizabeth.

Ash: But like, I'm still single. Elizabeth I kissed, absolutely. So great times actually, just remembered it.

Josh: But you weren't living together?

Ash: We weren't living together. She's a great, great person though. I do want to say that. Yeah.

Josh: And just very quickly on that, the $2,000 US when you were there, the Australian dollar was probably strong. So it would have been near parity.

Ash: That was shit. Because this was 2014.

Josh: Okay. So it was— because I was saying that it's the longer you wait, the worse the dollar's gonna be.

Ash: Yeah, no, no. So she really gave like $3,000.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Um, so you don't feel like you have to rush. Yeah, just relax. Um, and then just when you meet the right girl, you're good, you know what I mean? There's no rush.

Josh: How do you know when you found the right girl?

Ash: You'll, um, I was gonna say you'll feel it, but you, you should go on Married at First Sight. That would be a great guy who hasn't had sex, a guy who hasn't kissed a chick.

Tommy: And so what, how do you, what's the advice for the guy that hasn't kissed a chick in in terms of that?

Ash: You've got to learn it yourself. It's like anything, it's like riding a bike. You've just got to learn it yourself and find what you like and what you don't like. Um, and again, you're always—

Josh: where does he find a bike though? That's the question.

Ash: It's a wrong analogy, isn't it? Um, uh, uh, yeah, I don't know where the bikes are kept, but, um, just, just fucking— I don't know, bro.

Josh: You got to go to the tennis, but very quickly. The Bachelor. What was that deal gone wrong?

Ash: Oh, there's not much to it. They, they, um, were keen to make me The Bachelor, and then they were keen again, and I flew to Sydney, did some screen tests, and I thought I was gonna be The Bachelor, and then just phone went dead. That's it.

Tommy: Who got it at that time?

Ash: Honey Badger.

Josh: Okay, TJ, are we allowed to say Tommy D nearly got it?

Tommy: Oh yeah, this was the Tim, Tim Robards. I reckon now everyone's got a mate that was almost The Bachelor.

Ash: Everyone. That's why it's like, yeah, I'm never gonna talk about it again.

Tommy: But my mate Tommy was—

Ash: Tommy Davidson.

Tommy: Yeah, he was almost first season before they brought it back to life. He almost got— he even is a bit like, a bit of a same look as Tim Robards.

Ash: Absolutely.

Tommy: Who's the guy you saw in the VIP section?

Ash: Yeah, Tom Davidson is very, very handsome.

Tommy: He's a handsome fucker.

Ash: Is he still single?

Tommy: Uh, not sure. No, nice.

Josh: He is. Is it public knowledge that he's moving or—

Tommy: No, I don't think so.

Ash: Moving where?

Josh: I don't know.

Ash: What do you mean? Is he moving or not?

Josh: He might be.

Ash: Is it public knowledge that he's moving to Germany? Maybe. All right, okay. Um, uh, so you're almost about to— Is he gay? No, no. Um, I've heard—

Tommy: Are you gay?

Ash: Nah, I mean, I kind of wish I was.

Tommy: Yeah, why? I mean, you worked in it, you, you had it all.

Ash: In the palm of your hand. I've always said I would be so fucking famous if I was gay. I would be pulling a Joel Creasy. Joel Creasy wouldn't have been on I'm a Celeb. I would have been on. Joel Creasy wouldn't have a career. Um, and, uh, have you ever thought you were— I wouldn't be here on this podcast.

Tommy: Have you worked in a gay bar as a g-string waiter?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I've done a lot of things. Yeah, I was a juice drink waiter.

Tommy: Um, is there a moment where you're going, I might be gay?

Ash: No, no. Oh, the closest I've ever come to feeling gay was when I was like, um, 10 years old. I was 10, I saw my mate naked and I was like, that's a pretty nice dick. And then, um, and then I think I got a bit of a— I chased him around the bedroom.

Tommy: Really?

Ash: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: And like, younger you do something, he was like, get off me.

Ash: And like, you know, there wasn't that much publicity about being gay back then, but I was really chasing him and I was fucking pretty keen to catch him. And, uh, he's like— and then in my head I was thinking, it's weird that I'm, I'm like really wanted to chase him. I was quite revved up to like hormonally.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Wanted to, uh, definitely touch his dick or something.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: And then, uh, we chased around for a bit and then he's like— I caught him and then, um, and I think I just cuddled him for a bit and I was like, I was thinking I'd probably go.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Then, uh, but then a few years later just kind of forgot about the chasing.

Josh: When I was, when I was 14, I— it's, um, it's been a bit of a— it's been a storey on the show, uh, we've sort of created a bit of a storey arc around it. But when I was 14, my, uh, sex ed teacher who was an older lady said she wanted to give us the full scope of sex education, which included telling us about men having a G-spot in their ass. And I actually went home into the shower and put a squeegee in my ass to try and find the G-spot.

Ash: Are you a wrong tool to use?

Josh: What would you suggest?

Ash: How old were you?

Josh: I was 14.

Ash: Yeah, it's cool. Um, did you get it out? You Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Um, a bit of shower gel.

Ash: I do it. I mean, everyone's done that. I haven't done it with a fucking squeegee, but yeah, you fucking stick your fingers up occasionally, cheque it out.

Josh: And, um, have you used any item outside of your own fingers?

Ash: No.

Josh: Okay.

Ash: Um, I, I'm not big on that. Like, you know, some girls—

Josh: I haven't done it. Yeah, it's not definitely—

Ash: I'm not into it. Girls just sometimes do it. Um, because I know, and, uh, you know, it's like, no, don't do it. We used to play a game in the bath actually, me and my brother, and it was, uh We were very young, let me just preface this story. Probably 8, I think, and he was whatever, 3? And no, he was like, he was 6. So I said 8 and 6, and we used to play a game, who can get each other's fingers up the other person's ass the furthest. Yeah, I won that game.

Josh: Really? As in your ass or your finger?

Ash: No, no, no, I got— you got your finger and his ass and I gave my brother, I said, mate, your turn. And then he's now a doctor, he's a medical doctor. And then, um, I know, honestly, I just couldn't believe how far I get my fingers in.

Tommy: This is the— as you get older, it's the wet willy game. Yeah, it's just pushing down.

Ash: When you're young, you don't know, you're not ready to do that. Of course, you're like, there's a hole, I have a finger, you can't—

Josh: very good.

Tommy: Mate, my dad— my brother told this storey at my wedding.

Josh: Here we go.

Tommy: Oh yes, I, I— do you remember waking up with a vicious stiffy? And it was called stiffy back then, an erection. You just wake up as a kid— I mean, it still happens now, but back then it was like worse. Just wake up, whoo, and I couldn't get it down. And my brother tells the storey of seeing Dad and me out in the backyard, and he's got the hose and he's watering He's hosing down my dick because you were panicked. I was stressed, I was stressed. I had a ripper boner.

Ash: And how old were you?

Tommy: Oh, 3, 4. Dude, I've got a 2-year-old kid, he's getting hard-ons. It is the most bizarre thing on earth.

Ash: Yeah, right.

Tommy: And so it starts young for boys.

Josh: It's a Jacket trait though. I feel like you are quite obsessed with Bodhi's dick in regards to—

Tommy: never say that sentence ever again. But you do, you are, you sort of I think I'm a, I'm a man-child, so I'm still a kid and I have a baby. It's fucking crazy. And so when I'm doing— I change his nappy.

Josh: Feels like his dick's your dick in some regards.

Tommy: He knows, like, so you are— you're 2 and you know that this thing down there does something. And so he's tickling it and he gets himself hard. I came into the shower, I came into the fucking shower, he had my electric toothbrush holding it on his dick.

Ash: So he's learning, fucking sick.

Tommy: He's learning that vibration makes it feel all right, and I have to ignore it. I'm just like, nobody. So I'm just— no, I try and like get him away. His name's Bodhi.

Ash: No, I know Bodhi.

Tommy: Okay, no Bodhi, buddy. So it's maybe it is a jacket thing.

Josh: Yeah, it definitely has that vibe. So any final—

Ash: right though, kids are right.

Josh: Yeah, not back to '97. Any other advice for him in regards to dating?

Ash: Get out there, get out there.

Josh: If this date too went really well, should he just pursue, uh, that date now? Should he go on a second date? Both dates he's gone to the houses of the people and he's cooked for them.

Ash: You've done what? This isn't fucking Queer Eye for a Straight Guy. It's like, or Aristos Surprise Chef.

Tommy: I remember that.

Ash: He's just turning up to fucking women's houses that he meets in supermarkets.

Josh: He thinks that it's easier than going to cafes because cafes— what was the reasoning?

Ash: You have to talk the whole time. Yeah, where it's like cooking and going to the supermarket, it's all normal stuff, so it's, it's not that hard.

Josh: It's easy.

Tommy: So then you're doing something, you're like, yeah, so you shop. Yeah, everyone— yeah, we're both doing something.

Josh: Shops for the groceries, then goes.

Ash: So you shop together? Yeah, it is Aristos. This is your Aristos.

Josh: I don't know that reference.

Tommy: It's an old TV show.

Ash: Aristos would go up to women in supermarkets and go, uh, what's in your basket? And let you go, carrot, eggplant, and a bit of tomato paste. Oh, bad, bad. I come back to your place and I'll whip you up, uh, what's in your basket.

Josh: Who's the Aussie guy that's— that does it now?

Ash: No one in—

Josh: in the U— it's on in the US.

Ash: Okay, Curtis Stone.

Josh: Curtis Stone. It is Curtis.

Ash: He do that. Okay, anyway, Aristos, uh, was, um—

Tommy: so he's pulling the—

Ash: look, yeah, yeah, To use that strategy, then you can go for a walk together. That's always good. Go for a drive together if you drive.

Josh: He doesn't drive yet, doesn't have his license.

Ash: Skybus is always good, just to the airport. Go to the airport and back, just get a round trip.

Josh: Plane watching is actually quite nice.

Tommy: You need a car, you don't— you're not catching— you're a loser if you're getting the Skybus because then you have to get an Uber to the sort of the spot or dangerously walk along the highway.

Josh: Yeah, I've had federal police stop me filming near the airport.

Ash: Oh really?

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Um, so you're not calling yourself Mr. 97 to the girls, are you?

Josh: No, no, it's an Instagram account.

Ash: You sound like Buddy Franklin or something. It's like, uh, it's a tough reference, but, um, he had a good year, if you know what I mean.

Josh: Triple figure.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: I don't know what you mean.

Tommy: Yeah, well, well, you do some research on that.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what, it's, it's We're safe talking about it because he got triple figures in a few things. But, um, um, it's just good luck. Just good luck. There's, there's no right or wrong way. Yeah, just get out there, meet people. You're developing as a person. Um, even though I've just met you, mate, you seem lovely. And, um, have fun, you know. You don't need to be packing them and don't feel the pressure to have sex and all that stuff. It's like, just, just get to know them and then, um Yeah, man, that's all I'd say.

Josh: Great. Yeah, it's a daily talk show. Ash Williams, The Ash Williams Show. You're doing it twice a week?

Ash: Twice a week. Um, fired up, fired up. And, uh, yeah, download it free. It's free.

Josh: So, and you've got updates on Mike from MAFS too, do you? On the next—

Ash: Yeah, Mike's blocked me on social media. It's a fucking idiot.

Josh: Um, any other teas? You can— we don't normally do teas in Bought some other teas. Or is that all you got?

Ash: That's all I got. Nick from Married at First Sight wants to come on my pod. That's about it. Okay. Um, no one's going to care about these people.

Josh: Our mate Scott Pape, did he block you?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, we work with Scott.

Josh: Do you? Yeah. Did he block you once?

Ash: Yeah, but he didn't think that he blocked me. So then—

Josh: Oh, he knew.

Ash: Did he know?

Josh: I reckon.

Ash: That's what he got.

Josh: I don't know. You don't think? Well, you don't accidentally fucking block someone.

Tommy: You know when you fuck someone up.

Ash: I know his wife. Right? So I called his wife and said, listen, I want to do a thing with Pepe for my comedy show, but he's blocked me on Twitter. Can you tell him to unblock me and please apologize? And she's like, oh, that's strange, I don't think he would have blocked you. She calls me back going, Scott can't remember blocking you.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: And he's— he wants to work, he wants to do it. So that was the end of that.

Josh: Did you get your mate Ben involved as well?

Ash: Ben Fordham actually, uh, then came on, on board a different way and called Pepe because Pepe didn't—

Tommy: okay.

Ash: Really come on board. And then Benny Fordham called Pepe, and I barely even knew Ben Fordham then. I'd never met Ben Fordham.

Tommy: We can be your, um, you know, your line into Pepe if you need. Oh, you're good.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves Dunlop pillows.

Tommy: Oh, that's the one he spruiks.

Ash: Yeah, I'm not—

Tommy: buy yourself an expensive pillow because it lasts.

Ash: It's weird, he's got like 2 pages on these Dunlop pillows in his book. It's like, mate, what's your—

Josh: what's your brand of choice?

Ash: Um, I'll just say it, Spinal Ease, uh, spinal-eze.com. Au, use the code. It's, uh, Ash— what is it? No, AW. It's going to be AW.

Tommy: But, um, you hope it's live when this goes live.

Ash: Otherwise, no, actually, just don't, don't.

Josh: We'll cut that bit.

Ash: No, cut it out.

Josh: It's a daily talk show.

Tommy: One more thing. Sorry, we got Jules Lund, who— oh, it's like a—

Josh: you're awesome.

Ash: I'm really late.

Tommy: Yeah, he's got a catchphrase. Well, it wasn't really a catchphrase, it was just a phrase that he said a lot on Getaway. And so we got him to do it, which we will load into the, uh, soundboard here.

Josh: So we need yours.

Tommy: Which is the fired up. So we need you to just record a nice clear succinct fired up.

Josh: You looked at the mixer, please don't touch the—

Ash: No, I won't touch anything, but I'm just realising I'm really, really late.

Tommy: Okay, just quickly, quickly.

Ash: What do you want?

Tommy: Um, the fired up, the Ash Williams.

Ash: Um, just what— I'm fired up.

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ash: And I am fired up.

Josh: Very good. Amazing. Ash Williams, enjoy your tennis, mate. Daily Talk Show, hi@thedailytalkshow.com if you want to send us an email. Elizabeth, please email us and we'll get in contact.

Ash: She's very beautiful.

Josh: Okay, great. $2,000 US.

Ash: Instagram: Elizabeth2000.

Josh: See you guys. Catch ya.