Mr. 97's First Time

Josh: It's a Daily Talk Show episode 300. Tommy Jacket, slightly delayed. Where, where is the— oh, you're gonna wait until I got— I got really excited because I thought you were going to, um, is that turning it down?

Tommy: I forgot my, um, my whistle. Hang on.

Josh: Oh, you gotta— he's got a whole thing. So Tommy's just brought out a 300 birthday cake, and we've got the— and only one of these. I was actually hoping that the sparklers would—

Tommy: yeah, they take so long to actually get going. Look at this thing, fucking— all right, here we go. I'll get this one going.

Josh: All right, well, it's not even happy birthday. What do we say, like—

Tommy: well, it's— well, it's just happy 300.

Josh: It's a good thumbnail.

Tommy: Yeah, we can at least hold this up and get a nice thumbnail. Why am I struggling?

Josh: Why am I—

Tommy: tip, bro, get it on the tip, get it on the tip. You hold the tip.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, got it.

Tommy: It's a lot of tip talk in last episode too.

Josh: This is our thumbnail. It is episode 300, everyone. Fuck, that is— it has a bit of warmth to it.

Tommy: It does. And there could potentially be a smoke alarm that goes off.

Josh: Should we blow it out together? All right, ready? 3, 2, done.

Tommy: Oh, your side, bro. That's you, that's you.

Josh: I'm a fucking asthmatic. Uh, yeah, it is episode 300. It's Monday here, uh, in Melbourne.

Tommy: Yeah, it's a public holiday. It feels like It's, it's completely dead out there.

Josh: Labor Day.

Tommy: I forgot what day it was. So it's Labor Day, is it?

Josh: I have a feeling too that Labor Day is— I can't hear myself. You can't hear yourself at all? Hang on, there you go.

Mason: Is that better?

Tommy: Not really.

Josh: There we go.

Tommy: Not really.

Josh: Oh, you can't?

Tommy: Sounds really funny.

Josh: Oh really?

Tommy: I'd love it if this episode was the time that you actually forget to record my microphone. Nah, sounds really good.

Josh: Is that better now?

Tommy: Not really. There we go. Oh, yep, I'm— yeah, there it is.

Josh: Is that better? Okay, great. Oh yeah, I got there in the end.

Tommy: That's nice.

Josh: Yeah, we've been all over the shop.

Tommy: If anything, we've gone more all over the shop the further in we get into this endeavor.

Josh: I think we just get more comfortable with the process, maybe.

Tommy: Yeah, true.

Josh: Where'd you get the cake from?

Tommy: This is a classic, uh, Safeway cake.

Josh: Woolies cake.

Mason: It's a Woolies.

Tommy: Yeah, well, I used to call it Safeway. Do you remember that, Mr. 97, when it was called—

Mason: Safeway.

Tommy: Yeah, the fresh food people.

Mason: I think it's—

Tommy: I think it used to be Safeway, Safeway the fresh food people.

Josh: Do you know what it's called in New Zealand?

Mason: What is it? Oh, Countdown.

Josh: Countdown.

Tommy: Yes, yeah, we were right near a Countdown when we went over there. They sell alcohol in the aisles of the supermarket. It's great.

Josh: I've seen people get rid of the O.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Mason: Out of—

Tommy: yeah, Countdown. That's a classic one.

Josh: Yeah, but, um, no, we're coming off the back of—

Tommy: no, I just need to tell you another one. Yeah, uh, Brighton Grammar, an elite private school here in Melbourne, huge sign as you drive past, you know, just trying to sort of, uh, promote parents to send their kids to this school, and their slogan was, "We teach boys." What did they change it to? "We touch boys." Yeah, who thought "We teach boys" is the best?

Josh: Yeah, like, "We teach boys" is such a shit tagline.

Tommy: "We teach boys." Well, it is an all-boys school, so I get it, but it seems like a weird thing that—

Josh: I guess they're going to be very specific about what we do.

Tommy: Oh, fuck yeah.

Josh: But are all the schools— Halebury, which is a Victorian school, they went into doing co-ed, like different sexes. Oh yeah. So you could go, like I remember a friend went to Halebury. It was, I think I knew a chick who went to Halebury. So I don't know whether there's a whole shift. I heard on the news because it was International Women's Day on Friday, there was some legislation passed where one of the schools could have— could basically, they, they said like discriminate, basically pick— Yes. Uh, women to come.

Tommy: Like, so prioritize— I read this— prioritize, uh, in female enrolment because there still was too many boys at the school.

Josh: I, I've stopped saying female after we're recording this thing for this corporate organization, and there was a— they were talking about, um, increasing women's presence in sports, and the interviewer said female, and the lady said, oh, can we stop saying female? Every time you say female, I just think of cow.

Mason: Okay.

Josh: Which I don't understand. I don't completely understand.

Tommy: Well, because a cow is a female, like a bull is a male cow. It's not a male cow. It's a— a bull is a male, a cow that milks is a female. So she's just— I think girl, the, the term girl in my mind goes to like a young person or a boy.

Josh: Yeah, boys.

Mason: Yeah, we touch boys.

Josh: Anyway, we had, we had, uh, the boy came with us on, uh, last night.

Tommy: Yes, Mr. 97, the first night out on the town.

Josh: Yeah, we went to, um, big media company. We didn't have time for Christmas celebrations.

Tommy: Yeah, Christmas in March.

Josh: Yeah, and so we decided to go to the Espy Yeah, which the Esplanade Hotel, a bit of an institution in St. Kilda. Yeah, only a short walk from your joint.

Tommy: It's an old music venue slash pub. Back in the day they used to film Rockwiz, which was an Australian TV show in the sort of— it's— I would love to go for a tour because it's like layered. There's like, you know, 3 or 4 floors. There's like different stages and different restaurants, and it was unbelievably packed. I'll tell you a story. This is It— I found it really funny, but now as I think more about it, it's like, it's fucking disgusting. I know a guy who, when it was the old Espy— this is what happens when you, when you drink, you think shit like this is funny. Yeah, he took a pot glass, which is like a small beer glass, and took it to the toilet and shat in it. And it was a busy, busy venue. It was super busy last night, and it used to be busy, and it used to always be busy. And what he did was he snuck up to the bar and put it onto the bar.

Josh: It would wreak havoc while people were just standing there, so no one knew. And then everyone's like, oh, what sort of putrid— what sort of putrid person is this? No, but who is it actually? You don't know.

Tommy: I'm actually not going to out them because I think they'd probably regret it. He said he— I, I wasn't friends with him when he actually did that. It was very— it was many, many years ago, but he just told me that story.

Josh: Did he explain why he did it?

Tommy: I just thought it was funny. This is the thing when you like, you saw how many drunk idiots there were there last night. People think the stupidest shit is funny. I get it, it's like a practical joke, but it's also, I'm just thinking like, because someone could get sick.

Josh: I think it's a super impractical joke actually. It's the ultimate impractical joke. No, so you, uh, Amy, your wife had booked it in for us. Yeah, it was The Kitchen, is that what it's called, or what do they call it nowadays?

Tommy: That was called The Kitchen. I never went there before.

Josh: So it's the at the back of the Espy. And so Mr. 97 and Bree and I found a park out the front. Didn't realise that we couldn't actually park where it was. It was for taxis only. But we spent the first 5 minutes sitting there waiting for you guys in the car before we realized. And we were sort of— it was a bit of panic stations for us.

Tommy: Well, because you were in vantage point, just you could see everyone. Was everyone looking at you?

Josh: No, no, no. We were looking at everyone. Well, people watching. Yeah, but it was just— what, how would you describe the crowd '97?

Mason: Uh, pretty outrageous.

Josh: Yeah, just a, just a lot of young people, a lot of short skirts, tight t-shirts, just a lot of hair gel. Yeah, a lot going on.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: And it definitely, it felt like a bit— it felt more your scene than my scene.

Tommy: Well, I, I definitely— not my scene anymore. It was the scene that I would have gone there if it was 5, 6 years ago. It would have, you know, like I like going to those drinking spots, but it was totally— it's as we walk through there, the experience is only one that you enjoy if you're off your face because yelling at each other, having a nice conversation, yelling is not a nice conversation.

Josh: So we had to walk all the way through, but then we ended up at the kitchen, which was nice.

Tommy: That was lovely. Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

Josh: Mr. 97 had— was it red wine for you the first time?

Mason: Yes, a sip.

Tommy: I will tell you, mate, there's many things coming out. I texted you today and said write a list of all the first things, all the things you haven't tried yet as a 19-year-old bloke. Because we also worked out that vanilla slices was one thing that you hadn't had in your 19 years of existence. Did you see the message that came through? It was hilarious. I'll read it to you.

Josh: Yeah, there was a few. We had one from BMAC who said he thinks that 97.7's having us on as a way of just getting all of this free stuff.

Tommy: Yeah, Amy inboxed us and said, typical Melbourne kid, never had a snot block from the local bakehouse. I forgot their nick— the nickname of them is Snot Block.

Josh: It's pretty revolting when you say it like that, isn't it?

Tommy: But yeah, I'm blown away how you haven't— like, I don't— what, what is this? Uh, what's your problem? Yeah, like, I mean, I don't expect you have you know, tried illicit drugs or anything. Yeah, this is more just a vanilla slice. Yeah, it was Josh's drug of choice.

Josh: Yeah, I mean, what's it— what's on— did you— have you got a list at all yet or no?

Mason: Uh, in, in progress.

Josh: It's okay.

Mason: I'm still— I'm still—

Josh: can you give us 5 things?

Tommy: Did you— have you got 5 there?

Mason: I have got—

Josh: definitely got 5. This guy's—

Mason: I've got 5.

Tommy: Fuck off. Oh, he's got 5. I will say, like, these just come out of the woodworks. He might not even identify that he, like, he might not even know. Yeah, that absolutely something is in existence.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: So what do you—

Josh: what are the 5 obvious ones for you?

Mason: Uh, hot air balloon.

Tommy: Okay, you've never done that.

Josh: All the good fucking ones.

Mason: Dumplings.

Tommy: You've never had dumplings?

Mason: Never had dumplings.

Josh: Dumplings.

Tommy: What?

Josh: Uh, could we combine all of these? That's funny. What else?

Tommy: The ultimate date night.

Mason: Uh, never been to a drive-in cinema.

Josh: Drive-in cinema.

Tommy: It is old school. You don't have your license.

Josh: I haven't been to a drive-in cinema either.

Tommy: Funny story. Not, not that funny. When I first met Amy, she was living in Sydney, I was living in Melbourne. I flew up there and she took me to a drive-in cinema. It was like a date that she'd prepared, didn't tell me about, and I was fucking wrapped. The last drive-in cinema I went to was with Rhys Mitchell and his dad, and there was just— it was fun. It was like a premiere or something. But so we went What she realized, she bought 2 tickets. She didn't need 2 tickets, she only needed 1 ticket because it's just 1 car.

Josh: So she's got these 2 fucking tickets, she's like, I wonder how much. So could you fill— could we get a big car? I'd fill it with people and it's a one cost because it may—

Tommy: yeah, I'm not sure, maybe that's taking the piss.

Josh: We could do a whole bit of hire bus. Yeah, we call the Oz Bargain bus, we all get free waters. At the drive-through.

Tommy: Borrow Shane Jacobson's bus.

Josh: Yes, that'd be great. He's got a few. I'm sure all those plasma TVs were thrown on bargain.

Tommy: The, um, the thing about going to the drive-in cinema, you, you need the car, the right car for it. Some people get like a ute, turn it around, put a swag in the back and lie back. So that's like Dad's Impala. That would be sick.

Josh: The bench seats. Yeah, yeah, maybe we could do it this week.

Tommy: So there is, there is still one in Melbourne.

Josh: Is there one in Dandenong?

Tommy: Yeah, there was one in Coburg, there was one in Red Hill down that way, down the peninsula. Okay, so hot air balloons, dumplings, and driving cinemas.

Mason: Driving cinemas. Never been to like a rooftop restaurant, like a rooftop bar.

Tommy: Never?

Mason: No.

Josh: Okay, sure.

Mason: And then the obvious one, no any alcohol.

Josh: Yeah, sure.

Tommy: Oh, you had until last night. What? Fuck, get fucked. That was your first sip of—

Mason: hang on, I've had a tiny sip of beer before, but other than that—

Tommy: and it was a root beer.

Josh: I mean, he was— it was similar to me. I was the exact same up until the age of like 27.

Tommy: 27.

Josh: But then when I went to Italy— oh, actually no, it was when the car company gave me that wine tour thing.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And I had a bunch then.

Tommy: Do you think it will be something that you won't do? Like, are you gonna have 4 beers one night and feel a bit sort of tipsy? Just to experience it. You've got no interest? I don't want to— I don't want you to if you don't want to, but there's no appeal.

Josh: I think if you're a non-drinker, beer can't be the one that's gonna—

Tommy: oh, okay, maduri and lemonades.

Mason: I don't know what that is.

Tommy: Yeah, one another, like a whiskey.

Josh: Like, I think for me, like, when Jason Fox talks about just sort of— so I just imagine Jason, but you won't even like that.

Tommy: Like, it's— it tastes like Tastes like fucking petrol if you haven't actually like generated a palate for it.

Josh: I love olives, I love pickles.

Tommy: Yeah, I don't think it means that you're like whiskey. Not at all, not at all. I've only just started liking whiskey more and more as I've got older. I have drank so much. Yeah, I know, but beer's different. Like beer I didn't really like at the start and I got—

Josh: touch my hand again.

Tommy: Don't touch me.

Josh: You touched me. Don't touch me again.

Tommy: Episode 300, the don't touch me episode. Um, yeah, so I've developed the taste. I didn't like it as much, like the red wine. You should have seen his face, hilarious.

Josh: Big baby.

Tommy: Yeah, big baby. Yeah, anyway, I developed a taste for it, but I'm not saying that you should at all, but I'm just saying it is not in your head. What's the thing, like, is there a Like my dad doesn't go near it because he used to have to pick his mum up off the ground. She was an alcoholic.

Mason: Nothing like that.

Tommy: So it hasn't been—

Josh: Everyone thinks that. As soon as I like, when I said I don't drink, they're like, ah, yeah, what's wrong? What's wrong?

Mason: What happened?

Josh: Who hit you? Like it was always who hit you?

Tommy: The answer could even be like, well, the friends I hang around, we just aren't into that. Like that makes total sense.

Josh: Yeah. Whereas if you were, you know, like, but it's sort of fucked up that people have to like— What used to annoy the fuck out of me was that I'd have to create a whole story. I remember working for an agency and going, um, like I was doing some freelance work for them and we went to Adelaide, the Clipsal 500, which is like a big race, V8 supercars, the most gin, beer, and Cokes drank in one week. So we went to, um, went to like this tapas place. Yeah. And there was 4 of us and the guy said, oh, just 4 of the big beers, whatever they were called. I said, 'Oh no, I'm all good, I'm not drinking.' He's like, 'Ah, have one, have one.' I was like, 'Oh no.' And it was like February. He goes, 'Oh, oh, Feb 5th, it must be on Feb 5th.' I'm like, 'Oh, actually no, I'm, I'm, uh, not drinking at all this year.' He's like, 'Ah, I must have had a big one last year.' So it's just like, I just said yes by that point.

Tommy: It's amazing he came up with all the excuses for you.

Josh: The thing is though, that I just What I was panicked about was he was then gonna think that if I'm coming from that alcoholic sort of perspective, yeah, I would at least know, know a bit about alcohol.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: So then I started thinking, uh, would I— what could be my thing? But like, you could be an alcoholic and have not be a connoisseur of alcohol.

Tommy: Yeah, of course. The, um, I think alcohol served me in developing a network, but it— you can see the diminishing returns on it. Like, that's why I'm not drinking this year. Because I see that I'm actually a better person when I don't drink, like all those fucking idiots that were there last night.

Josh: How do you identify— so saying, you know, I'm a better person not drinking, that's obviously a storey that you're telling yourself. What's the— where do you actually see the returns? What's the qualitative results?

Tommy: Well, I just— so when you— if you go out and drink, you're sick the next day, and you're probably— I am more irritable, like things can annoy me quicker. You know, there's just little things that, you know, like when you feel hot, you feel sort of like a bit uncomfortable all the time. Yeah, exactly.

Josh: It's when I'm eating, like to me it's 100%.

Tommy: Yeah, so when you've eaten a heap and then you're just like, everything's a bit hot and sweaty.

Josh: Everything's like, clothes stick to me and stuff.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. And then shit just annoys you. But also there's a chemical imbalance because it is like a, it's an anti-anxiety drug. Which is why you feel great.

Josh: But it's a depressant as well.

Tommy: Yeah, so when you're having it, there's an anti-anxiety release where you just feel good. But then after, I think, yeah, I reckon I fucking definitely hit a downer the next couple of days after a hard session.

Josh: Could you have, say, will you ever— have you ever done the one wine or one beer?

Tommy: Yeah, but then it goes out the window.

Josh: I think it's like, if you, if you could do it though, like say yesterday, you think about it, I had like one glass of Yeah, one glass of red wine, and I woke up this morning at 20 past 8, which was late for me. And I did ask myself, I'm like, am I hungover?

Tommy: No, I mean, Mason would be more hungover than you.

Josh: Well, I did think you at 97 was definitely more outrageous as we're walking down St Kilda. I'm like, I don't know if this is a placebo. Yeah, he's bouncing.

Tommy: This week I've definitely thought more about getting drinking again, but I know I'm not going to, but I've thought more about picking it back up.

Josh: Where does it come from?

Tommy: Just feeling a bit shit, feeling just feeling shit and wanting to feel a different way, and that's drinking.

Josh: Would you say last day?

Tommy: Last day?

Josh: Last day. Like, would you— well, because with food, Bree and I are constantly— like, I feel like we're like junkies. Oh yeah, but so that's it, the last day. We'll just—

Tommy: it was like on Monday's episode, you're like, I'm done, and then we're smashing shit again.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: And you're like, when did I say that? Yeah, that's what happens with drinking. There is parallels between your drinking habits and drinking and alcohol— sorry, eating habits and I touched you again, don't fucking touch me.

Josh: It's very— there's a lot of interesting—

Mason: real handsy.

Josh: The, um, no, well, I feel that the worst position, like where I'm the most vulnerable— yeah, worked it out today.

Tommy: When is it?

Josh: Being exhausted from IKEA and then seeing Dames, you know, a little chocolate with the—

Tommy: Dames?

Josh: Dames.

Tommy: Never heard of them.

Josh: You heard of Dames?

Tommy: I mean, he's had nothing.

Josh: So Dames are like this, um, Imagine like peanut brittle. Yes, remove the peanut and just have like the toffee.

Tommy: Oh yeah, like it's like a horrible— would never do it.

Josh: And it's like chocolate coated, it's delicious. Anyway, they had them at IKEA and Bree actually turned to me and said, last day, last day, last day. As in last day of eating shit. Bree actually said what Bree's exact words were. I had to pick her up on it. We said, last day of eating Last— so, but we, we did get some.

Tommy: But it's the, the thing is the naughtiness has spilled over because it's a long weekend. Amy said today we should get a little treat.

Josh: What'd you get?

Tommy: Biscuits. I fucking ate 8 of them.

Josh: I blew my load.

Tommy: It fucked it up. I got like Mint Slice.

Josh: Oh, they're good though.

Tommy: Yeah, they are nice.

Josh: I reckon I've nearly shit my pants eating some Mint Slices. Because they are, but there's a bit of it which is like, oh fuck, do we have any chewies? Nah, just have a mint slice.

Tommy: Who the fuck says that?

Josh: No, that's definitely my fault.

Tommy: I've got no chewies, I'll have a mint slice.

Josh: Mr. 97 was an absolute hero though. Where? At the SB. Really?

Tommy: What did he do?

Josh: As soon as 97 left the car, Bray's like, man, Mason, what a guy. Why? So can you explain from your perspective what happened? 97 on the way out of the venue.

Mason: Yeah, on the way out there were, um, we had to pass through the crowd. It was like, it was a bar and there were lots of, uh, there's a lot of rowdiness.

Tommy: Pack of wolves.

Mason: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: Um, there were a bunch of people in there and I was behind, I was behind Bree. I was probably 6 people behind because I got caught up. So Mr. 97 is ahead of Bree by a person and Bree's standing there, and then I see a guy yell something out to Bree, and then I see 97 turn around, give the guy fucking the stare down, and then grabs Bree, puts his arm around Bree, and brings her and walks away.

Tommy: Was this—

Mason: I don't know about the stare down. I wouldn't have messed with him.

Tommy: Was there a door? Was that going through like the door section between the two areas? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw him. He was— yeah, it was pig.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: And so you said, apparently Bree said he said, "Hey baby." Yeah, he said something to the girl before I walked through the door.

Josh: Yeah, I was like, not to take anything away from you, Bree, because she was, she had a pep in her step with everyone.

Tommy: No, he was, he was a big pig, is my point.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: And then, so then he followed away from Bree.

Josh: She doesn't just attract pigs, but unfortunately this guy was just a pig. But 97 came to the rescue and, um, yeah, it was great. It was just, I saw the whole thing happen.

Tommy: There is a, so walking through crowds like that, you, you got to get handsy. You just—

Josh: what does that mean?

Tommy: No, you're just putting your hands— sorry, mate. Like, you— were you just sort of not touching anyone?

Josh: No, I was— I was the director.

Tommy: I actually shift people.

Josh: I had a— there was an energy that I was uncomfortable with, which was people being— and because I've been in a fight, like, I've only been in one adult fight.

Tommy: How old were you?

Josh: Uh, 21. And a guy was being a dickhead.

Tommy: Is this the one where you outsourced? Yeah. So you weren't in a fight?

Josh: Well, no, it wasn't a fight.

Tommy: He was the only patient.

Josh: He was fighting me, and it would have been '97, would have been who I outsourced. I'd have been like, no way, mate, I would have been running the whole way. Get the SD cards and then fucking throw a punch. No, but I would, um, uh, a guy said, what are you looking at? This was at a 21st. Yeah, why? Yeah, why look at me? I'm like, you acting like an idiot. And then he came over and he started— I was just sitting down. Yeah, fucking pushing, pushing me. I said, Daniel, Daniel, who's a kickboxer who was there. And then they fucking had it out. He actually—

Tommy: they punched out. Who won?

Josh: Uh, well, they broke it. These things, there's never any winners because everyone just jumps in. Yeah, the guy wasn't knocked out. Yeah, but, um, so that wasn't— it wasn't ideal, but these animals This is just—

Tommy: have you ever been in a fight, Mr. 97?

Mason: No, no chance. I'd run away. I wouldn't— no chance I'd stand up.

Tommy: Why not?

Mason: Not worth it. No, no, I don't give a shit. I just—

Josh: what, not even for break?

Tommy: Uh, nah, nah, he's not—

Mason: he's out of there. No, not with that bloke. That, that bloke was pretty full-on.

Josh: Yeah, he was a bigger guy.

Tommy: I would have tried, but yeah, what is he gonna do?

Josh: He was off his chops. You could trip him over in a second.

Tommy: It's just, it's Dirty punching on in a bar is disgusting.

Josh: Yeah, but there was definitely that vibe where I was like, oh, I could see things escalating really quickly where someone fucking gets beer on me.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: And I like do something.

Tommy: Well, it's alcohol. People aren't as hot-headed. People aren't as happy but also fucking zero to 100 real quick. Yeah. Without alcohol, like, people just aren't that fucking explosive, I don't think, on a day-to-day basis. Like, the people that end up in jail are usually the one, you know, that have coward punch someone are the ones that probably don't talk about— like, they cut you like, the fuck, you punch someone? Like, and they just got a good one and knocked him out, killed him.

Josh: What's like the chick who's a, a childcare worker who was involved in belting a cop? Oh yeah, isn't that fucked up? Where would you feel— how would you feel if you found out that Bodhi's childcare workers were beating up cops? Well, not a good look.

Tommy: I'd be super surprised because the kinds of people that it attracts are lovely. Yeah, but this is alcohol, dude. It's the legal substance that fucking ruins lives. It's ridiculous.

Josh: There's an energy though to certain places like bars. Yeah, IKEA being one of them. Today, being at IKEA. So the thing is that I just, I couldn't actually believe what happened today.

Tommy: What happened? Well, first of all, brutal incident. Not that.

Josh: No, not that. So first of all, we've been to IKEA over— it's been 4 times. Yeah, in the past 2 weeks, right?

Tommy: That's too much.

Josh: It's way too much. And Bree is very indecisive, as she would admit. And so, uh, the other day we went to IKEA and there were 2 options in regards to TV units that we could buy, and Bree was leaning on one and then she changed her mind, said, oh, maybe the other one. I said, you know what, let's just get this one. Let's get the original one. Let's just— we're getting it. And then because I was pushing back, being like, you know what, I think this is just indecisiveness in the moment. We'll get it home and it will be all fine. Yeah. No, it didn't happen that way. Well, so Bri had more time to think about it while I was at home. So we ended up taking— these are big fuck-off boxes. We're on the 5th floor. So we're having— I've got my 2 herniated discs carrying bullshit. And so, we this morning had to go to IKEA, return that furniture and then get new ones. And so, we were going to—

Tommy: You hadn't unboxed it?

Josh: We had started, but then we taped it up. Mr. 97 had pointed out how good IKEA's return policy is.

Tommy: Oh, yeah.

Mason: You don't even need the packaging. You could literally like—

Josh: You don't even need the unit at all.

Tommy: Rob a house, take someone else's back, get your money back.

Josh: And so they, we normally go, there's 2 IKEAs in Melbourne. I think there's 2, yeah. Springvale and Richmond. Richmond only had 1 in stock. Springvale had 10 of this new unit that we wanted to get. But we haven't ever bought anything from the Springvale one. So I actually said to Bree, Bree was very accommodating because she understood how fucked up this whole situation was going back. And so I said, I'll wait in the car and can you just go and scope everything out, work out where the trolley is, where we're going to get the old stuff, where we access the lift to get up, make sure that we can get in, all that sort of thing. Anyway, when she got out of the car, she straight away dropped something, right, something in her pocket, and she spent ages fumbling around. Turns out it was the remote for our house, like the— to be able to not only open the garage door but also like a fob to be able to buzz in, like an RFID chip. Anyway, so she picks up all that and puts it all back together. During IKEA, there's no joke, we're hearing just arguments just everywhere, everywhere. Couples, like, it's not even— you think of it as some sort of joke, like you think about it as like this is a funny— but there is absolutely every couple is having— and then you add kids to it, couples with kids. And they're just— you hear it like, well, do we really want to be coming back another time? Like, this exact same fucking conversations. And so where it all started, the big mistake I made was I've got this new— what's it called?

Tommy: It's just thermos.

Josh: Thermos, that's what it's called. I've got a thermos, I put hot coffee in it, but black coffee already fucking makes me a bit buzzy.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: So I'm walking around IKEA with hot coffee just fucking sipping at it in replacement for water, getting a little bit more anxious as we go on. And so The old unit that we had had 2 pieces. Bree said, oh, this one has 13 pieces. I said, I don't think that's right. 13 individual boxes? Geez, for a TV unit? Have you heard about this? No, it seems like a lot, but it was correct. And so we, anyway, we got through it all. There was a moment where I thought we had to get 2 boxes, and Bree's like, no, I only need one. Anyway, we get to the checkout area and we wait in line, and the lady says, oh you've only got one box, you need two boxes. I said, oh no, we only need one. I backed up Bree from what Bree said. I said, oh no, we only need one. She goes, no, there's meant to be two. I was like, okay.

Tommy: It's a good save by the woman.

Josh: Yeah, absolutely. That's why you don't want to go to the self-serve checkout type of thing. So anyway, we ended up having to go and then re-getting in the line or something. Where it became key bad situation was we get home, we open the garage, and that's all fine. And then we go to get up the lift. I'm carrying these big fuck-off things and it's not beeping.

Tommy: Oh no, it's broken.

Josh: It turns out we had, uh, the RFID part, this little piece of paper sort of thing, had been— we had left it.

Tommy: I can't—

Josh: oh no, it's on the ground. So we can't— we couldn't access any of the, like, uh, the building.

Tommy: Can't get back up the lift.

Josh: We got it to ground And then so Bree started dialling everyone on our floor to try and get up, and we finally got up and she opened it all up and like was looking and seeing what's the difference between— because we had two remotes. Yeah. And so we ended up working out what it was and she fixed it. And so, no, so her and my bro have gone to IKEA Springvale and we just got a FaceTime just before you here. They found the white circle. Oh wow. On the car park.

Tommy: That's pretty amazing.

Josh: So it's fucked, but, um, so I'm a little bit rattled by the whole thing, but the one thing that came out of it was I think we should do a divorce. But no, also Fat Fridays IKEA style.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Josh: Have you ever been to IKEA, Mr. 97?

Mason: The restaurant? Like the—

Josh: Yes.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: Okay. You have? Yeah.

Tommy: The reason I think he probably had done that is because it's cheap.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: He's just a slight cheapskate in the best of ways. He just makes wise decisions.

Josh: We need to give him the $7 each for the eggs.

Tommy: Oh yeah, he bought us eggs when we were home. He'll be honest for you.

Josh: Yeah, just put in the invoice.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, can you just put it off to 10? Give us invoices, 20 bucks.

Josh: So what have you— '97, what have you had at IKEA food-wise?

Mason: Um, I think it was, it was like a chicken parma.

Tommy: Or you can get salmon.

Mason: No, I, I went, you went off that. I went safe.

Tommy: I just think we've got our Fat Fridays sorted. Dumplings, like a shitload of dumplings.

Josh: We can actually go to the one on Bourke Street, Dion St. Maur. Never heard of it. So he—

Tommy: There's so many.

Josh: Dion St. Maur founded Maur Cosmetics where Bree used to work.

Tommy: Is this a fancy dumpling place?

Josh: This is the dumplings one. This is the one that Russ Keys talks about that's on Bourke Street.

Tommy: Is it fancy though?

Josh: It's called Dumplings. No, it's like—

Tommy: You want like a dirty dumpling joint?

Josh: They have like crazy different versions. We could definitely get dumplings.

Tommy: There's an alleyway in the CBD that has dumplings. And there's a— there's an Indian restaurant called Gaylord's, and then there's another one, then there's the, um, Hutong, I think it is, Dumpling House. No, not Hutong. Anyway, they're so cheap. I think you'd be into dumplings based on how cheap they are and how many you get.

Josh: Yeah, but not for the carbs.

Tommy: Not for the carbs. Well, you're not there to fucking be on a diet. You're eating dirty dumplings, so then you get hundreds of them.

Josh: What you would have heard of is, um, Shanghai Dumplings.

Tommy: That's it, Shanghai Dumpling House.

Josh: And they had sort of, I remember like yellow bowls, and you get a sense that they just fucking rinse them down.

Tommy: Oh yeah, yeah, it feels like you're on school camp, the cutlery that they've got going on.

Josh: So full-on. Drumplings.

Tommy: Drumplings.

Josh: Drumplings is the place that's on Bourke Street, uh, yeah, founded by Dion St. Maur. They, as far as I'm aware, they do like this.

Tommy: I mean, this is giving the kid a fucking, a good experience, 5-star dumpling experience. I think we go dirty dumplings.

Josh: Like, could we do a dumpling tour? Could we do a few? Could we do a whole sort of a dumpling crawl?

Tommy: You could do a dumpling crawl.

Josh: The thing is, when the fuck am I losing my weight? I just can't. Maybe just Friday. Maybe do it on a Friday.

Tommy: I think you just gotta train.

Josh: It's not— definitely not. It's the food. You can't outrun a bad diet.

Tommy: Yeah, but you don't have a 7-day-a-week bad diet. Have a one day.

Josh: Yeah, that's the thing. My problem at the moment is that eating— and Bree keeps buying those list balls.

Tommy: Oh no.

Josh: And I just keep eating them. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: And so now you definitely can't out-train a bad diet, but you can eat less.

Josh: You can also not— yeah.

Tommy: And there's a—

Josh: how— just quickly, I know this is— I don't know if this is good for podcasting, but in regards to the gym, yeah, how do you reckon I get there now?

Tommy: You drive. This is the thing, don't push back on getting it, like having to drive to a gym if you— if it's the way that you—

Josh: so do you think that's what— so I've moved close to here. Yeah, I was sort of planning on the gym being the middle ground? Yeah.

Tommy: So do you think every time I go to the gym I have to backtrack? Every time I go to the gym I have to drive and then drive back towards my house because, you know, I'm a no backtrack kind of guy, but I understand that I need to do it.

Josh: So, but are you thinking that we, if we were to get into a habit of going to the gym as part of, you know, business partners and something we do, what, what time do you think?

Tommy: Yeah, I think morning, I just think is the most productive time. To get training, get it out of the way. I don't know, this is— it's, it's been the hardest thing I've had to navigate as a parent based on having a kid to drop off.

Josh: A lot of walks and stuff I have in the morning. Could we do like a— I think that productivity after 3 o'clock goes down the drain.

Tommy: 100%. Yeah, you're not right.

Josh: So could it be like 3:30 or 4 o'clock?

Tommy: 4 o'clock would be good.

Josh: Leave here at 3:45. Yeah, 4 o'clock start. 4 o'clock start. Be done by 4:45.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Drive and pick up Amy at 5. That's perfect. Where's her— is her new work close?

Tommy: Yeah, it's 500, 800 meters.

Josh: Okay, great.

Tommy: Yeah, well, glad we got that sorted out of the way. Yeah, thanks for being here with us while we, uh, navigate our gym schedule. And it's important.

Josh: And I've got to walk with Pete tomorrow as well.

Tommy: Uh, Mr. 97, I think we do have to start getting you to try things for the first time.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: Um, so we have a list.

Josh: We should do some sort of Mr. 97's first.

Tommy: Yeah, and we'll— I'll be throwing things at you, asking you, because I think that's like— you haven't told— like, you can— these are the ones you think you think you know. But yeah, ever had a ciggy?

Mason: No chance.

Josh: Yeah, I wouldn't even do it. No way would I do it.

Tommy: No, uh, he wouldn't even have like a shisha, like a— no, I wouldn't either. Would you try a vape? No, no, it's not worth it, is it?

Mason: No.

Josh: Like, what is there to get? Like, even if vaping was like super safe, yeah, what's the point?

Tommy: Well, I don't think they're super safe. There was a report that kids have been getting into swallowing the fucking liquid.

Josh: They haven't been getting into it, they're like 2-year-olds, you know.

Tommy: They're getting into it, they're actually getting their little paws onto it. It's, it's horrible. I, um, yeah, vapes are disgusting. Most people who vape are just getting off the cigarette bandwagon because they don't want to keep smoking.

Josh: I wonder how many people have just started vaping as the first thing.

Tommy: That's, that's a weird thing to think.

Josh: That's like 40-year-olds that start smoking.

Tommy: Yeah, that is weird.

Josh: What are we going to do with this cake? Are we going to have a slice?

Tommy: I, I've fucked my diet today, so I might have a slice and then go for a run later.

Josh: Yeah, I might have a slice too and not go for a run later. Yeah, I'm not committing to anything. I've got my, I've got my walk, uh, with Pete in the morning.

Tommy: Hey, thanks for listening. Uh, we're 300 episodes in. We had episode 200 at LAX while the planes were going overhead. Episode 100, we had Hamish Blake.

Josh: I was house sitting and he came over.

Tommy: Yeah, that was fun. And so it's been, it's been pretty fucking crazy.

Josh: Episode 400.

Tommy: Yeah, it's another 100 episodes away. It seems like a long time.

Josh: It's only 3 months.

Tommy: Yeah, but so much happens.

Josh: 3 months. 3 times 20 is 60.

Tommy: Nah, it's like 4 months. Yeah, it's like 4 months. There's a lot that's going to happen in 4 months, and we've got a lot of shows in between. We've done a lot of shows.

Josh: I'm still pushing for potentially a reason to do 7 episodes a week.

Tommy: A week? Yeah, we'll slowly get there.

Josh: Yeah, we'll slowly— because we could have special versions where it's like, you know what, like, let's just do an episode on a weekend where we explore Mr. 97's firsts, and we try and smash out heaps.

Tommy: Now there's solo episodes. Hey guys, um, I'm here at the local strip club, and, uh, wow, the guys, the guys are giving me 500 bucks. Yeah, I've currently bought Five Guys drinks.

Josh: Um, we've got Sugar here. Sugar, tell me, what do I do next? And, um, yeah, great. It's a daily talk show, everyone. Thank you. Did we— have we gotten any emails lately? Um, we got a really nice email. I think it was, um, was it Jenny from WA? She was saying— she, she was like, I'm a 1965 babe. And she loves this.

Tommy: Born in 1965.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Oh, that's lovely.

Josh: And yeah, Jenny, I am older than what you probs, uh, what your audience— oh, sorry, I am older than what you probs want your audience to be. Not true, Jenny, we'll take anyone. Yeah. I am an original Malloy Martin fan. Oh yeah, then and still Hamish and Andy. I grew up with two brothers and I love the shit banter that men talk. You guys are in both of these duos' molds. Keep going, big things are destined for you. #1965babe. Like, I don't know if, like, if, uh, Jenny's right.

Tommy: She's lumped us with some greats.

Josh: Yeah, we'll take it.

Tommy: Yeah, I'll take it.

Josh: Absolutely. Don't do that again. Uh, it's a daily talk show. Uh, feel free to send us an email, hi@thedailytalkshow.com.

Tommy: Uh, we'll catch you tomorrow for episode 301.

Josh: 301.

Tommy: Shit.

Josh: See you then. See you guys. Bye.