#056 – Hard conversations/

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The Daily talk show everyone Episode 56. It's Tuesday. It's good number 56. It is nice right? It's a good day have had a good day some days you just nail Sunday's us fucking piece of shit. Yeah.

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You know bit of this to that. What do you what do you think is the equation for good day?

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I feel like today could have gone either way and I feel like it's my mind. But no, I felt like I

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had concessions. Yeah

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and you got the editor like the Edit you've been working on down? Yeah,

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I've got so much work it's great. And I could fall in a heap when you do have a lot of work because that's potentially the byproduct of stress right? Stress is the byproduct of being super busy and then the result of stress can be fall into a heap of shit well yeah

0:51
I think it's a for me I work better with more going on like I have this tipping point where it's not good but I think we're when you sort of at capacity where you have to stop fucking analyzing shit and just doing things whereas if you've got one project on he got a bit of time you'd be like Actually you know what I can push that or whatever but this this sense that if I don't do it now I might not be able to do it later

1:17
yeah I think as a business owner it's like you do you should have a lot to do because that's the responsibility of owning the business in terms of growing it there's always seem to be doing it's not like you're working in a cafe is no one walking in there's no coffees to clean up yeah, it's like now you got to make coffees potential person fact

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I've started doing metaphors your your micro is a bit quiet. So I've just turned to him. I have

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caught the bug. The metaphor the metaphor bug it's like having a but it's like a bee and you're the flower and and so elaborate you know

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I wanted to talk too much but it guys if Tommy was a bit quiet in the first 30 seconds Sorry about that. Yeah.

2:01
I yeah. hard conversations. Having them. You hear the advice of the high compensation me make Craig habit. Have the high conversation first do a hearts impersonation, you just

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got to fucking do it.

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But it's so true. And a hard conversation doesn't mean breaking out with somebody. That's not the severity of hard that would be a high conversation. But a hard conversation can just be one you're feeling a bit awkward about sometimes

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a hard conversation is not breaking up and going like, okay, what's the,

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you know, you're working with someone or things like that. It's like, actually, we if we're going to continue and working together, we need to get this

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sorted. I think I've been experiencing some hard conversations in terms of stretching outside my comfort zone. Because it's nice. And you know, not too

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fucking serious thinking. You're talking

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going. That was on my watch everyone back me? That's

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kick the shit out of me. Yeah, it was. So where was I just so so I feel with my Apple watch every day when it looks so distracted. First, it was the levels now You bloody

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mary. I'm Oh, good. You're right. That was a robot. I wouldn't get distracted. True.

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And when was last time you had a hard conversation

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all the time that I think I do. I think

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probably the hardest conversation would have been that three weeks ago, whatever. When I sort of essentially broke up with the client or just said, Look, I'd conversation. Yeah, I said like, it's not, this isn't where I want to go with my business, working with

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companies that are similar to you, which is

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interesting, interesting conversation. But that was a hard conversation, what I've realized and what we've we've spoken about us, I normally have to be backed into a corner and be pushed to have that hard conversation. Yeah. And I think that there is a disadvantage to that. I think that pushing through and having hard conversations away earlier. Makes sense. So creating. So for instance, a client wanted to drop off some footage to me today. And I just had to communicate with her, Hey, this is a time that I'm available. And she sort of pushing out and saying, Ah, it's going to be this time this time. And what it meant is that

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I had to communicate and have a hard conversation say, Look, just so you know, when you when you drop it off, I'm just gonna have to take it and sort of run because I've got other things to do. Whereas I think what I've done previously is whichever, squeaky wheel whatever's happening, whatever person I'm looking at face to face, I will prioritize that, rather than prioritizing. Initially, this is my time then. So we because it's all external. It's making you don't want to other people out.

5:07
So like what you're mentioning there is like the benefit of those how conversations with you and not having them is almost the benefits on the other person. Yeah, because they're either getting away with something or they just plodding along to what they thought it seems. It seems selfish to have the hard conversation but I think that it's the

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it goes back to what I've said a few times in the last few episodes Carmen where I heard of using essential ism that book

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don't what does it take away other people's problem? Don't steal other people's, it wasn't something around

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don't don't steal other people's problems. Yeah, like,

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don't, don't steal from them their problems in the sense of Yeah, and that's a good example is if someone's running light, and you know, that's a problem that they've created, or that that's their problem. And if I suddenly say, you know what, I'm going to change all of these things now to make it work that then becomes my problem. So I

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feel good. I think today from a couple of what were the hard conversation conversations I don't really want to get into nothing serious things work related office related, yeah, named sister to make some changes, wanting to sort of share those with somebody so it's news to somebody or it's forming new direction with somebody I'm working with. And so I even found those they're not big and that's why I don't want to bother getting into but on the scale of big dates very small you know the scale of my norm they're not yeah they outside of my norm so but you definitely feel good is thinking is that you know, the video I made about rejection therapy a friend of mine so original concept but jewels land was I made this video where he's telling me this, this concept of rejection therapy go out and actually find rejection so that you build up the muscle to not feel as bad when you are rejected. And so in the video I'm going around asking kind of remember asking people random stuff can I have free coffee?

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Can I have a lift? Yeah, can I use your phone to call somebody and a lot of these people saying no and I know that they're gonna probably say no but it's still a bit fucking confronting

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there's the the common one that made the rounds in Silicon Valley was

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asking for a percent off at the cafe so have you did you do that one at all as a free coffee? Yeah no, sorry I took it the full year the Silicon Valley was like hi would I be able to get 10% off

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that's cool I heard I got you know Jane doubt teacher there does he do we do we do. He is from New York. He's got a podcast the James out to to show now. interesting guy. I quite liked him got it got on to him. years ago, through Tim Ferriss. One of these things is seat in the wrong seat. And, you know, I think Rosie's on a fucking aeroplane. Okay, so you can imagine the anxiety you would hate that.

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Yeah, well, it just don't be

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the point is get uncomfortable. And that's what rejection therapy made me feel. And I documented and I thought around the game of like, the hard conversations.

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Just going back to the I'd be like, sweating bullets. Like, not only is this guy in my seat, please, fucking sweaty

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Dmitri had conversations like a game. And so it's like you build up a quota and not having a conversation for the sake of it just to go back and talk to you about your T shirts get fact

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now this definitely Yeah, I think there is something he like feel an equivalent would be a very short equivalent coaching hours going toward yesterday, I was like, You know what, I'm gonna start this culture thing again, because I was getting a bit achy and it really sort of helps with inflammation and I just went towards it I was like, You know what, I'm just gonna like fucking on that, you know, the bits where you know where it's a bit like, you know what a fucking hits my chest it's gonna feel really cold or things like that. Just going towards it. And guy, where is the where, where's the most resistance right now in my body? Where am I trying to pull away from from the shower and going to fact and put that party and it's mental toughness, because I'm

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sure that the person who is somewhere where you want to be, whether that's anything any career or professional endeavor, is probably the person having hard conversations or has been through a lot of them. How do you you know, you talking about having a good day, the equation of a good day, like, what is a

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do, let's just talk about that a little bit more. I want to understand it. So it's Did you know what point did you know, it was a good day,

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to be honest, if I had been surfing this morning, and doing factual and hanging out with my family, be better day but on the scale of working, it feels like a good day. And I still feel like it's I could I feel, I think what the reason I brought it up is because I still feel like it's on the verge of a shit day. But I'm choosing it to be good day based on you know, getting a bunch of stuff done taking a bunch of boxes of work I need, I mean, a space where I have stuff going on that necessarily it fills up my day. So I'm busy and I'm doing things that I like enough that it could fall apart. But my mindset is feeling like no, I've got this you know, I'm choosing this to be a good day and I'm not saying it's a good day because I fucking positive affirmation. Just saying it. I genuinely feel inside like you, I think you could relate for you is, like, you busy and you feeling like stuffs moving and you're feeling like you're taking stuff in a good direction. But I could and the reality is, it could be shoot tomorrow you can shoot meaning I could feel like I don't have my shit together.

11:17
Well, I think like the paradox that I find interesting is that I will if for instance,

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like going away or something like doing something like where I'm just meant to be relaxing normally before every time I go away I have like a slight fucking amount of anxiety. Yeah, like a bit of like, I'm a bit of painful to be around for probably it's normally the morning of happens on Sundays. I don't know why. But like, on Sundays, if I've got like, if I'm not doing work, or if I've got nothing productive, I feel planned I am

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I think I start thinking about all the things that I need to be doing in regards to like, Okay, I need to rebuild this part of my website. Or I want to, like I go into I want to learn this thing. I struggle with the

12:14
having afraid I maybe that's the plan thing. Like we've been talking about recently, having having a strategy takes away the worry that you don't know what you're doing. Yeah. So when you have a plan, or if I can go on a strategy to do something, it means that you can fall back on that and where even because there's no doubt that you will feel anger and anxiety or some kind of stress at some point. Yeah, but you can then go now I've got that this is the day that I meant to fucking have off and everything all the ducks are in line with Nicole at that

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it's being defined it's it's being delivered and being having a really defined think so I'm days that I really love is when I

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go for a walk or like do like a long like a hike, like, say doing four hours or five hours of walking. I feel like it's it's been a good reset. But the other thing I noticed is I just if I have that the older I get, the more I realized that when I eat poorly I feel like shit, don't you? Yeah, I can't work out. I can't work out though. Whether it's the food time consuming or whether it's the mindset so I think it could be a bit of both. But it's that thing of it's probably what people feel when they have a big drinking session. Or if they take drugs or whatever. It's the day after self loathing being like I'm not being the best person that I can be. I

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think there's a bit of both taking drugs you literally like if you take ecstasy Yeah, your serotonin serotonin, serotonin is what in the happiness drug releases the chemical reaction is to your body to produce and release it. And so you actually drain that. And so you literally feel like a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, there'll probably be I mean, you could be coming down from a sugar high or something out of that. But I think it's also the mindset is triggering and mindset but I feel like my body doesn't function.

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Yeah, I'm waiting pretty cheap food. What are your default? What do you think? I'll give you two examples of things that I think

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straightaway two things that I do is I I've got nothing to wear no fracking clothes to wear it like I might ship feels tired. I'm not comfortable. I'm not tracking by like,

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or just like, I don't. It's not even there's a sign psychological psychological, too, because it's like a tight t shirt can feel good when you feeling lane, right? Yes, but a tight t shirt when you're feeling a bit fucking pudgy doesn't feel good. But the funny thing is, it's like when you fucking do that little pull on your T shirt, I can just find feel fucking good in this. So that's one thing is I feel like even though the interesting fact of it is and this is where anchoring and stuff I guess comes from so the idea that we've sort of you know, you can anchor if you think about anchoring from a pricing point of view, it's like if I tell you something's costs $100 then you might say I want to pay 90 for it. Or if it's $105 at the store you wouldn't necessarily blink but if it's $700 you like your anchor point with 700 that seems ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, anchoring the reason I say this is because I've noticed that with my weight so I am lighter than what I was 12 months ago. I'm losing weight every single year for the last sort of seven years or whatever. Interestingly though, the point in which I start feeling like sluggish and overweight is reducing so when I used to feel like when I was above 90 I felt like I've gone too far now it's like it felt like if I go over 85 I'm saying to feel it when the reality was like so I'm sitting at maybe if I can ID seven at the moment this time last year I would have been sitting in it but then could go to like 8990

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so one of them's feeling because what's another

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are buying stuff I feel like I think in fact I need I need new runners or I need exercise Sean's I saw him go a little bit e commerce I think that there's a bit which is the it's the psychological gala bit a commerce garbage a commerce I've bought like in this stage I've bought a gun

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anyone's ever said that sentence back and I would go with e commerce I honestly don't think there'd be many people that have someone has

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probably I had thought about this actually you say something and you think I wonder when I wonder if someone around the world right now said the same thing

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is that a little bit anyway so that's the thing I bought a Garmin watch before so it's probably the classic case of retail therapy so these these are these are triggers or signs that what the these are signs that I'm having some anxiety around probably why okay so do you what do you what are your I

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usually most years I do like a challenge with some friends and when I'm at the eight week mark of not drinking and fucking lowering my carb intake my I know the feeling when you say your stomach yeah it's like I literally feel slimmer in my gut that makes me feel mentally like fact this feels great like I talked about on this like the feeling of being fit yeah fucking phenomenal

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well the thing the thing that I I've been doing which I don't know if it's a good strategy or not I think it is 13 about exactly know thinking about when you eat the food think about it inside you

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you don't like it down in Big Mac yeah just saying just like imagine for your you know down your esophagus all that sort of thing it's amazing how we talk about this we know this and we don't fucking do it yeah well that's the thing like I can't believe I saw fact I'm with her is doing the 20th sam would 28 thing he's a famous radio personality for is Sam would is x reality show host Peter

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actually has a PT studio where Craig half a head he's very first whichever whichever yeah where that is was happens interests where I did my first experience personal training and experience did I do a big fit out and shoot with no it was it was already huge and then I just reject it

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yeah the but I saw when I was looking lane and shit

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and it just got me thinking all of this shit society like it really is just all the same. It's like fuck What an interesting model that we're in which where it's like I'll tell you what to wait and then you give me money it's like its way It's so fucking dumb because like literally have like

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some chickens some like lean chicken have some broccoli have like it would be so fucking easy to like, if if there was no emotion if you took emotion out of it. And someone just said hey this is what you can eat and you had to do everything I said of course is the main thinking of when I was paydays like these ourselves is fucking Listen to me. Yeah but and that's the mindset of a young person trying to doesn't understand the

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psychology psychology and I still don't and most p days don't but yeah there's so much more to it which I think it extends beyond that and you know when you're in a good space you probably eating quite well and you know you making good choices it only

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takes me a day and this is like the most widely read exactly this way it shows how much it's mindset and stuff if I have one day of dating I feel way better in every regard

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and so that's it's a weird fucking thing when we

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uh. But I feel like for me and this is the unhealthy part of it is it's like I need to go pretty bad to then shocked myself into like I'm not doing that for a while for a while like a starting go fucking crazy like I literally cat 6000 calories was yesterday 6000 where I guess I didn't go that bad. But the fact that was the thing is it wasn't even like it was just like random it was just like what can I eat what's what's in the fact that it wasn't even like an enjoyable like it was very interesting wasn't wasn't like we had really delicious stuff. It's like oh this is the best fucking This is my favorite meal. So I'm going to have it it's like the ship a easter eggs that are left over and just like I'll fly. That is a fact. I'll just the green and yellow fucking Molly's lF given to me. Yeah, yeah.

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I responded to a guy today. We'll just finish that when I move away from Yeah,

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you did a good job of talking healthy stuff without getting your normal I think we're on the same I really wanted to get into you about

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your wife wise in terms of like your view on the amount because if you start dropping under 86 kilos, you look like a crack addict. Now why

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I'm a

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low like you should be 90 kilos. I think a solid like a healthy frame. If you were moving a bit like you don't you six foot fucking three. Almost like to be a even if you were kind of a bit skinny. 85 is good. Yeah. So don't don't worry too much about that. You looking good, man. I love you.

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Thank you. And now and I'm wearing horizontal stripes or means a lot is you know, horizontal stripes. make you look fat. Fat

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with horizontal stripes. really know your you'll find that say I got a bit fucking angry. Can I just quickly tell you about I'm going viral on YouTube at the moment? Oh, yeah. You could bring it up for more views get it's a nice

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Yeah. What's that Dan to you? Because you You seem like you have the shifts and it's and it's very results driven on the other end. So if you don't get FEMA, if you don't get fucking what's the reward from on the other side? You know, you're a bit disheartened by as soon as you get a bit of reward. Yeah, well, this is so like YouTube. I haven't done a video in two months. And I still need to get 110 videos this year. I haven't even

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done a video about app show. No, because I let you do that one. I definitely do one lucky to do but we'll do I'll do one some podcasting in general bash, the the,

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the my video that I did, which was called tidy up your digital life. I remember I told you at the time. I'm like, I'm doing this for the algorithm. I said, I'm going to call it digital. I'm going to call it tidy up your digital life and I'm going to put digital minimalism in it. I'm going to tag it up. I'm gonna do it. Oh, sure enough, someone a YouTuber did a digital minimalism video over the weekend posted them and my video has been sort of the recommended video after it. Yeah, so it's had like, over at likes the videos that over 80 likes. It's got over 2500 downloads watches. So I think of us so I reckon it's going to hit 10,000 views by the end of the way you

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bet. So what does that mean for you? What's it doing?

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Well, I'm sure now know it Maine's. Sorry for burping. What it does mean is I am

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what it means is that the things that we're doing so the one sort of perception I had on YouTube was,

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you know, within a short period of time, the success of a video

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and I've had two cases my goodbye Philippines film had 50,000 views in November, it currently has 130,000 views. So it got picked up in the algorithm and fracking got heaps of people watching it. Similarly with this, they suddenly had 300 views a week ago. And now it's got two and a half thousand and it's going to hit 10,000 by the end of the week, I think so what it's telling me is, it's like I am

24:56
I don't think I need to do I definitely don't need to do two three videos awake. But if I just focused on when I have a good when I have solid ideas because I feel like I do have a lot of them without the core focus being algorithmic sort of goals because I think that what happens is a lot of these youtubers a purely playing the algorithm and they put out sort of half assed videos. So for me, it's about elevating each one. So where I stand at the moment is you coming out of retirement I'm coming out of retirement for you to come back guys and the other thing too is you know I get obsessed with search engine optimization SEO and stuff I'm doing a big push on

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Josh Johnson and just cleaning up my online presence so I'm going to just there's a Derek servers who I filmed an interview in Auckland with a minimalist and Derek service Derek service credits a day by these two. I don't know what it is. But if I can you say quarter to quarter. Anyway, he's got a section on his website called forward slash now. directive is.com forward slash now. He's got a website called Now. Now. Now. I think it is right now. is.com. And what it is, is that now now now side is a directory of everyone's now pages. So you can submit your now page. And what it is, is it's a description on what you're doing now what your focus is what your purposes so for instance, you have your about page which is sort of a bit of a biography. But the thing for me, it would be like right now I'm working on the daily talk show I'm

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you know, building my business full stack films. I'm currently planning this three month trip to Europe or that type of thing. So you put it in that now. So anyway, so I'm I haven't updated my Josh chance inside an agent or

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via can we have like, a day a Sunday or something? We would just like it's committing to that. Yeah,

26:58
because I've fact Well, I helped to my mind who's a listener of the show, do it when he was starting off going from being a sound Oh, so doing sound for broadcast to sort of being instead of film doing corporate videos, I helped him so if you type in till spill happened to Google, it's all his video type stuff. So it sort of creates expectations of a client Google's him they're going to say, he's a filmmaker. This is where you descend. nudes like my Exactly. Yeah, I mean,

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I've got not a bad digital presence. Let's just finish off.

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got an email from a bloke, Michael. Hi, Tommy. Just wondering if, as a business person in the media Coaching Institute space, you'd be interested in finding out how to leverage websites for success. Blah, blah, blah. Fucking didn't even read the rest. moved on. Get an email back. Yeah. And then Michael the next day. Hi. Just confirming you received my last email whether you're free for a quick chat look forward to hearing from you is your number he's in Australia.

27:59
Nice to be. It's called Digital thing calm today. You on the fuckin email. It had a unsubscribe button a thought to me. Fuck me. I haven't subscribed to any of these bullshit. Yeah, I wrote back to him today. Not sure how you got my email. But I certainly didn't subscribe. Understand. You were just hustling. But in my eyes, this cold cold styles meet gross. What I am curious about is if this approach actually works. Question mark. Thanks, Mike. What do you write back? Not

28:27
yet. But I'm curious to know, because I've got a few of those. You're literally putting you in a sales funnel. So the annoying thing is that they have a similar thing happened to me with a Brisbane business that offers like, fucking digital advertising and stuff for businesses and can help with organic search results. And I decided to have a conversation with them. So they go guys, they called they called my office line, I answered, and I just spoke to him bit. So he sent me this email anyway, I

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I opened What happened? I yeah. So he, I told him, Hey, I'm not available at the moment. Call me in a few weeks. So he sends me an email being like, Hi, Josh. Thanks for the chat. You know, as you said, I'll call you on this date. Basically, anyway, that date hadn't come, it was still a week away. And I opened up his email because I was going through archiving a cleaning out my inbox, and

29:35
he tried calling me straight after I mix match. Yeah, so he's using and like mix Max is what I used to use, but all of that there's a bunch of the services and this is what this guys doing to so he saw that you opened the email, and then it would have triggered that if you open your eight the email and don't respond within a certain amount of hours, he will then send another email. Yes, sir. I've had cases where I've gotten for back in emails from people without even responding to them. And they'll just sort of, and you'd end up through this whole fucking funnel. When when I have a robot and you have a falcon robot, your robot can talk to my fucking robot, but I'm not a robot. So fuck off. It's literally like the Homer Simpson episode where he gets the answering machine. Yeah, sorry, the auto dial fucking is literally what this fucking guys doing. Here's deny, though. If it works, I'm sure it was. It's economies of scale. So it's this idea that, okay,

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one in 100 people would do it. So what they're doing, they probably scraping stuff. So they're scraping, you know, directories and shit is actually

30:41
I don't think it's legal to put someone into a subscription without they actually saw me that I think that's what's happened. Or you just put it there as I did think when I clicked on to the unsubscribe because I was like, what the facts that took me to a page and then I was like, look at the domain I was trying to work out. It wasn't really just had this big unsubscribe button. So actually thought maybe that's a tactic as well to see who clicks through to the unsubscribe and then who does or doesn't do it because I didn't do it because I didn't know if I'd actually subscribe and I thought seems a bit dodgy. I'll keep you updated on what Michael has to save himself. Yeah,

31:16
but I'm going to go pick up. Bodie, my son yeah I've got to stop walking a meeting pray we're going to have grilled for dinner we're going to do the band landless salad thing did we

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know that we're not

31:29
but no sorry I did low carb but bring have the brandless looked fracking good so we're going to do that guys thanks for listening we had a bunch of listeners yesterday which was good bit of an uptake in the digital minimalism people seeing factual you saying

31:46
it was like a puppy dog that thought saw potential trades come out of a bag right

31:51
now but we didn't from all the Falcon extra listeners know new reviews. If you've lived we know that there's lots of you who are listening to every single episode. So if you've listened to more than 10 and you don't think we're a pain in the ass you know who you are from Japan? Yeah, exactly. Japan came outside I'm so sorry Japan.

32:14
If you are enjoying what we're doing please subscribe and actually fuck off the subscribe you already subscribe subscribe to just leave a review Yeah, through the podcast app or on on iTunes and I know Michelle You said you haven't you know us on iTunes and apple. So we'll we'll let you off the hook I've wanted to daily talk show. Thanks for listening.