EP 987
Tommy Jackett: [00:00:00] Very low barrier to get into the wrong spot.
Josh Janssen: [00:00:07] We're committed to do the daily talk show for 10 years. I had guys
Tommy Jackett: [00:00:11] put it in the calendar.
Josh Janssen: [00:00:13] Just like to check the temperature in the room. I told you my squeegee
Tommy Jackett: [00:00:16] story,
Josh Janssen: [00:00:19] the daily talk show episode 987
Tommy Jackett: [00:00:24] is happening. What is going on? Everybody? It's nice and early for us. It's 2021. It's pretty crazy. Isn't it? Yeah. Why do you say that? Yeah, no, just thinking about the year that it is, sometimes I'm blown away that like, you know, I'm old, I'm getting old just thinking about like 2000 and.
10 long time ago. Do
Josh Janssen: [00:00:47] you think three years feels like an eternity? If you think about how long this is, how long we've been doing the show?
Tommy Jackett: [00:00:53] Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, so time perception changes based on what you're doing. So there were some things in life that just feel like they take a long time when you're doing them, but they don't.
But three, like three years over the scheme of our life, our life is tiny. So tiny 10% of our lifetime. Is it? No.
Josh Janssen: [00:01:15] If we're living to 38, no, as in right now, right? Yeah.
Tommy Jackett: [00:01:19] Not their lifetime. It will be 2% or so. A small slice, but you know, as Craig Harper says, you know, you wake up tomorrow, you're 45. You haven't changed shit.
Yeah, it's true. It's like, you're talking about it for a long time, a lot of things, but yeah. Um, what else makes it like traveling because you're enjoying, it can go really fast, which is annoying because you'd like it to slow.
Josh Janssen: [00:01:43] I feel like I'm having done a little bit of like longer travel, like three plus months, the first two and a half months.
Very slow. Yeah. The final bit. Very fast. So I was like, Oh my gosh, we got so much time. And then. It speeds up right at the end, which
Tommy Jackett: [00:02:00] we know nothing, spades, nothing speeds up. So it's perception at 100% is I guess if you're enjoying something and you're in the moment, maybe it's like, isn't a reflection. So it's a lot of thinking going on when you're thinking about how much, how, how has this felt, and then you're retrospectively assessing because if you're in the moment, then that's not even a thought, right?
Yeah. This is great. So it's when things are go up and down, when you feel every gamut of emotion, maybe that's when it's like, that's the exhaustion that could feel like this is dragging on, which is the last three years.
Josh Janssen: [00:02:39] Uh, I was, uh, you know, Philip de Franco.
Tommy Jackett: [00:02:43] Um, as in, no, I don't know him. Who, that he's
Josh Janssen: [00:02:46] a YouTuber.
You beautiful bastards
Tommy Jackett: [00:02:50] today and news? No, never heard of, I've heard of his name, but I don't know.
Josh Janssen: [00:02:55] Yeah. So he, um, is a YouTuber based in Los Angeles and does like, um,
Tommy Jackett: [00:03:03] you beautiful
Josh Janssen: [00:03:03] bastards today. And Philip de Franco is that he said, he said, catchphrase. Yeah. Sup you beautiful bastards. I think he may have stopped saying it.
Um, he got threatened. No, imagine it. So I think it was, I'm a Boston, I think I'm going to do with demonetization maybe. Okay. So it's like, you know, you want to, like, I've noticed that people won't say the C word as in see you next Tuesday. No. As in, um, Baker, they say the illness that we've been going through.
Yeah, they won't talk about the P word
Tommy Jackett: [00:03:38] pay. What?
Josh Janssen: [00:03:41] The thing that's a no, no, the thing that's a
Tommy Jackett: [00:03:44] pandemic, just fucked it. So
Josh Janssen: [00:03:46] now we're going to hit them on the side, these
Tommy Jackett: [00:03:49] crazy man that people are. And so,
Josh Janssen: [00:03:51] you know, uh, but anyway, Philip de Franco of the start of his video, I was, I was watching he's like before I get started, started.
Yeah. If you're feeling unhealthy, if you're feeling like, uh, you know, you've put on weight in the last year, give yourself a break. He said every like 2020, the only thing that you had to do was survive, which I thought was a nice sentiment, but surviving is such a low barrier. Isn't it?
Tommy Jackett: [00:04:25] Maybe. I mean, you don't have to do shit to survive.
As in you need what you need some basics. Right.
Josh Janssen: [00:04:32] But when people are feeling, I guess how they're feeling, it can be a nice, like, it didn't make me feel good in the moment where I was like, Oh, you know what he's like? And then he, cause he was doing all these stats around how many people? 63%. Uh, of people say that they have, um, gone against their weight goals, whether it's they've put on weight when they wanted to lose weight or they've lost weight when they've been trying to gain weight,
Tommy Jackett: [00:04:59] it's a real challenge.
Uh, when I was out filming yesterday, the, the dude who was helping me out on the shoot, he he's looking great. And, and we're talking about this, like, COVID, he, he couldn't be, no one could be out on set filming. So he went and worked in a factory. Running box, you know, back and forth, you know, 10 K day or something, just like crazy amount of steps, lost a heap of weight.
Yeah. And he's like, mate, it was wonders for me, got to work and lost weight, which is like, there there's a few of those people out there that yeah. It changed their normal. And so for a lot of people's normal, the fucking gym, Ted laundry, it's like that became what's the gym 10 laundry GTL. It was off. Um, He was off, uh, what's that fine.
Josie Shaw. And it was about, they, they, every day it was Jim and they got tan and they get their laundry, their wash and fold. They do that. They get it done. Oh, that's great. I pick it up. Like they're getting their stuff wash and fall. I could get around
Josh Janssen: [00:06:00] gin, Tam, laundry,
Tommy Jackett: [00:06:01] seriously tanning
Josh Janssen: [00:06:03] beds. Oh, well, I, um, I only just realized they, so do you know, um, I think it's a, is it a Brody Jenner?
Hmm from, um, his, on the Hills. Right. He doesn't talk like that.
Tommy Jackett: [00:06:21] Uh, but,
Josh Janssen: [00:06:23] um, Oh, no.
Tommy Jackett: [00:06:25] Yeah.
and a bunch for the yeah, exactly event, but he has, uh, hasn't worked a day in his life, so,
Josh Janssen: [00:06:35] no, but see how, um, like, uh, I was watching like a, uh, a recap of the Hills where Whitney port and her partner. Timmy. I do the whole thing where they talk through our show.
Tommy Jackett: [00:06:47] I get it's the most boring content you talking about?
Reality TV shows, especially the U S it's like, it's so fucking cringe,
Josh Janssen: [00:06:57] but you just told me, you just told me what Jim Tam, I
Tommy Jackett: [00:07:02] just dropped it in. It's just really fun. I think it's a funny thing. You like, I kind of like it. You talking about. Like replaying reality TV to me, the most soft
Josh Janssen: [00:07:14] fucking shows. So yeah.
Tommy Jackett: [00:07:19] I just have to preface these people like, Oh, he's just talking about
Josh Janssen: [00:07:22] fucking reality bags under your eyes, right? Yeah. Brody Jenner has the opposite of that.
Tommy Jackett: [00:07:29] Um, what's the opposite
Josh Janssen: [00:07:31] of like, rather than, rather than dark. Like I like under
Tommy Jackett: [00:07:35] the ice. It's like, fuck, you're totally right. I've noticed that it's,
Josh Janssen: [00:07:39] uh, it's it's like a washer.
So it was almost like, is it called concealer? Or like whatever people put underneath to sort of like make their eyes pop up. But anyway, do you know what it is? What is it? It's got a problem. No. Uh, Whitney port, who I was watching the reaction, it was, she was hosting it. Uh, she said tanning beds. It's the goggles everywhere.
Except there. Ah, isn't that interesting scope. LA bring them back in GOs, John. Yeah, it's good though.
Tommy Jackett: [00:08:13] Isn't it? I've had that before because you get it from sunny surprise. You haven't had it traveling like, huh? Because you're always wearing glasses and some of you wearing the shaded ones. Yeah. Where are the shaded ones?
I'll fucking cool, dude. Are you changing the glasses today? Is it because yesterday I said your eyes look huge. Yeah. Impact. Yeah. Yeah, because I was editing yesterday's episode, like a fucking hero.
Josh Janssen: [00:08:40] It's got it up third time
Tommy Jackett: [00:08:44] and I just hadn't noticed. The glasses, make your eyes look big, which is what glasses do.
Like your eyes are a little bit bigger than normal right now, but
Josh Janssen: [00:08:54] I think that the, for whatever reason, the dark rimmed glasses are a hundred times more polarizing.
Tommy Jackett: [00:09:04] So you don't. Can we get us a comparison side by side George right now in this snippet? And so for people who are just listening by side from yesterday's episode
Josh Janssen: [00:09:15] to today, I'm wearing the Steve Steve jobs classes today.
Whereas yesterday I was wearing sort of the black rimmed ones, but I think where are your other ones? Yes. Are they, they just in draw up and the problem is so they, they clip ons. Uh, so I have this sort of like the, um, Pete Sheppard style glasses, which is the clear, um, sort of plasticky, um, glasses, which they look really cool.
The problem is if you wear them every day, now skin has Orioles. And so you can actually like you get a bit of discoloration that I don't, like. I took it to the glasses shop. They wanted to charge like over a hundred bucks of polishing them to clean it. Like I was like, you know what, I'm just going to bind you.
Tommy Jackett: [00:10:03] Well, you could surely you could just claim them
Josh Janssen: [00:10:07] a little bit. So I put them in dish, washing staff and did all that sort of thing. But the thing is, so what you're referring to is the Sunny's part it's on his part, which is yeah.
Tommy Jackett: [00:10:17] Cause they actually looked like a good pair of sunnies. Yeah. Not, you know, Not some aviator shit or like too big for your
Josh Janssen: [00:10:25] face, which the thing is that you, um, uh, I was listening to Craig Harper.
Uh, he had, uh, an episode called friends and frenemies. Yeah.
Tommy Jackett: [00:10:34] I did say that part. I was like, Ooh,
Josh Janssen: [00:10:36] someone spilled the tape. I fucking watch
Tommy Jackett: [00:10:43] it. I would watch that. Um, and he has to just bring gossip to the table. Yeah. It was a little
Josh Janssen: [00:10:50] bit. Which I liked. I liked being like, what if there was a point where he said not to sound like a jilted partner, but he wasn't riding back as much as I liked.
Tommy Jackett: [00:11:04] He was talking about a friend. Yes.
Josh Janssen: [00:11:07] Um, and so he, um, remember a couple of years ago he did a big audio series, like a course thing that you could buy. Yeah. Uh, so it was a section from that. Okay, great. But, um, yeah. What was the, uh, what was my point about what's
Tommy Jackett: [00:11:23] the takeaway for you about yes.
Josh Janssen: [00:11:25] Right. So he was talking about friends that give advice.
Tommy Jackett: [00:11:29] Oh yeah. Right. Here's what you need to do. Yes. You need to buy Bitcoin. You should have listen to them. You idiots.
Josh Janssen: [00:11:36] But what he was saying is that some, like, I just like obviously projecting or whatever, but then other people are doing it from a place. Of love. And so it's trying to work out, which is which from an advice perspective, you, you do give a bit of advice which
Tommy Jackett: [00:11:53] was device, because that wasn't advice about your glasses.
Not one, not one whatsoever. Like I literally, my thinking was, Oh my God, I haven't noticed this because I haven't been looking at you on
Josh Janssen: [00:12:05] it. No, no. As in, I love those glasses or you wear those clothes or you should shave your neck. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think it's coming from a place of love. Definitely
Tommy Jackett: [00:12:17] because I think you interpret it.
Like you're, it's coming from some sort of like disgust at what the current situation
Josh Janssen: [00:12:23] is. Well, I think John, I think there's a level of judgment because the thing is that when someone says. Oh, why don't you, um, why don't you wear any of your nice clothes that you've got? That's fair. So when you say,
Tommy Jackett: [00:12:34] Oh, I said where, cause I saw you in a different job.
I saw an old video. I'm like, fuck, that's a sick jumper where you it'd be like your mate, who's got a good sports car and he doesn't fucking drive it. And you're like, dude, where's your fucking Maserati,
Josh Janssen: [00:12:47] which is completely fine. But if he was too fat to fit in the Maserati, it's a bit
Tommy Jackett: [00:12:54] sad. Right? That's a reality for some people.
Josh Janssen: [00:12:57] And so this is the thing. Well, that's two, my mate, Shane Jacobson lost like his whole light Neesy story was he couldn't fit into a racing car. And so they did a whole light, easy campaign where he then fit into the racing car, drove around.
Tommy Jackett: [00:13:16] I mean, I was joking about a $70 jumper over a $700,000 supercar.
Josh Janssen: [00:13:22] Uh, but say it, but isn't it interesting. Cause the thing is you say that thing, which you know, like, Oh, why don't you wear that jumper? Which is such a small doesn't mean anything, but when you're me and you see the jumpers every day, you're like, fuck, I wish , they're all folded. They're folded ready for when I fucking lose my weight,
Tommy Jackett: [00:13:43] which, which is.
Obviously. Yeah. There's, uh, there's a very uncontrolled nature to what I'm saying, which I can't like for what you're doing. Matt left right. Left. Right. Drink, drink, fucking go on. Well,
Josh Janssen: [00:13:55] I've got, I've got these, the throat issue again. It's like, it's fact that I don't want to talk about it because I feel like it's a psychological thing, but it's this feeling of like, I feel like I'm swallowing my tongue.
It's scary.
Tommy Jackett: [00:14:08] And
Josh Janssen: [00:14:09] it can't happen. Like it's, it's no, but it's like a feeling of, um, Uh, you losing your breath. And so then I've taken one of Jess's anti anxiety pills,
Tommy Jackett: [00:14:24] Xanax. It sounds like you're nuts. It's a natural, natural thing.
Josh Janssen: [00:14:29] It's this constant thing of like, um, maybe it's like, it feels like there's saliva that you need to swallow whatever.
And so it feels like drinking. Some water helps it. Opens it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I get that. But maybe there's a little bit of that because you know how you always said that I was stressed out.
Tommy Jackett: [00:14:46] Yeah. Yeah.
Josh Janssen: [00:14:48] So maybe this has been an ongoing thing, but now, now it's more conscious. Well, it's like, yeah,
Tommy Jackett: [00:14:54] you, you sit back.
It seems it amazing how many steps you've had. I want to do a sip counter for the show. Yeah, we can doing, um, I mean, I can't, yeah, I guess. I mean for me to, I would have to go through this thinking where I'm judging, why you're not wearing those jumpers, which is silly. It's like, that's almost. Negative where I, if I was to say, Hmm, I just say that photo.
And I then think, why wouldn't Josh be wearing those? It's like, that's I think silly to go down there. Cause it's like, who am I trying to? Who am I trying to, um, protect? Like, I don't say this is where I w in that moment, people who say, that's not advice, where's that great jumper that you own, or it's something like that nice piece of jewelry that someone has.
It's like, Fuck. I love that. T-shirt, it's actually a compliment that you have these great things. And I was like looking for a handout. Yes. Where are they? Do you want them anymore? Can I start wearing, so
Josh Janssen: [00:16:00] it has a feel, I know this isn't what it is, but it has the feeling, especially. Yeah. Yeah. I have the feeling that it, um, it comes across.
As it feels like the equivalent of Europe, my funeral and, and I'm, I'm, I'm lying in the casket and it's an open casket and you're like, mate, surely you're not putting the watch in with him. Can I have to kind of to watch
Tommy Jackett: [00:16:26] your Apple watch? So you
Josh Janssen: [00:16:28] don't need the find friends when I'm, when I'm in there.
Tommy Jackett: [00:16:31] Just check on him. Yeah. Um, no, I understand. So the feeling that someone who yeah. Considers they're white. Like you what's the sensitivity level that other, if you were to look at somebody else, so they had a mate that thought about that stuff, as much as you do, what sensitivity is that might need to have.
And where is it productive? Like where do you actually, uh, where is it? Is it productive for me to be. Tiptoeing around that stuff for you? Not that I am even flagging anything with you. I haven't, I never do.
Josh Janssen: [00:17:08] I dunno. I'll give you an, I'll give you an example of like, where I like, so this is obviously with me, like this one sits with me or it's like a may issue, but I was thinking like, um, with, when it comes to food, you've gotten a lot better back in the day.
If I would be ordering stuff, you'd be like, why are you getting that? Or like, you'd be a little bit more sort of. Uh, there'd be bit of commentation around food. Um, but I do even notice it with Jess we're safe. We were on it, we're on a shoot and she's like, had been eating healthy and then she's like, Oh, should we get Mackers?
Or like, we're like driving a magazine. Like, aren't you eating healthy, those types of things. From my perspective, I'm like, if someone. It rarely works in that moment. What you're wanting to get out of it normally, what am I wanting to get out? I think you're trying to help, like you're saying, Hey, you were saying you want to eat healthy, but you're about to have MCAS, but I think what it does is it goes into a shame area for Hmm.
Tommy Jackett: [00:18:15] Hmm. Yeah. It's interesting. When people are 80, 90% noisy about the thing that they want to do, and then they're changing. In front of you or you seeing them. And it's like, uh, and so that's where,
Josh Janssen: [00:18:29] but external intervention rarely works in that, in that way. Right. Where it's like in that moment, it does, sometimes it does.
But I think that I personally think that it can be it's it can be triggering for people where I think that you end up. Like, so for instance, the whole, like, can I have your jumpers or even like, sort of suggesting my, if you're not wearing them, can I have them? That's a joke, by the way, it wouldn't know we've spoken about it before.
Which like, I guess like, Hey man, if you don't wear in the Saturday, he's like, I'm happy to have any of them. I don't think I said that day, like back, like this is going
Tommy Jackett: [00:19:06] back. Like, I wouldn't have even connected that cause you minimal, right? Like you ended up wearing the same fucking t-shirt, but then you got all these great clothes.
It's like, are you a. Say I literally don't connect it to the white thing. I hadn't until this moment
Josh Janssen: [00:19:23] from a personal perspective where I land on it is it's like TJ saying, Hey, can I have your old tops is cementing that like, Hey, this is the weight that you are. You're not going to get back to where you were and that's totally
Tommy Jackett: [00:19:36] on you, dude, because that's not what
Josh Janssen: [00:19:38] I think I do.
Sorry. That language is wrong. It's not on, like, my feelings are real. And so the question.
Tommy Jackett: [00:19:46] Yeah, that I think
Josh Janssen: [00:19:47] that it's not truth. Yeah. It's not saying,
Tommy Jackett: [00:19:51] Hey, you can acknowledge that feelings are there. They're happening.
Josh Janssen: [00:19:54] But if we don't, we just go around being like, Hey man, it's not my responsibility. What people's feelings are.
Um, because you have chat, like you have changed a bunch in your approach, which has then helped. So it is a consideration.
Tommy Jackett: [00:20:10] Yeah. But it's pretty heavy to say that. Like to that story. You just said about me saying that that's cementing you at this thing that you can't get back from. Like that's not healthy for you in terms of like that that's like anchoring it for you.
So it's not actually what was said. It's not actually what I think.
Josh Janssen: [00:20:30] So if I'm at the office and you say, uh, man, uh, why don't you shave your neck? What, how am I meant to feel in that moment?
Tommy Jackett: [00:20:41] So there's a bunch of different ways you could react.
Josh Janssen: [00:20:44] How should I feel? How should you feel or how, or how, like what's the natural response that anyone would feel?
Yeah,
Tommy Jackett: [00:20:53] fuck. Yeah. And I did.
Josh Janssen: [00:20:57] So he's got to do it. So does it feel good?
Tommy Jackett: [00:21:02] Well, I, I don't, I don't know. That's up full of what what's going on. I don't know. It could be a varied. It's not, I don't think it's to say it's. I don't think it's meant to, for it to feel bad. So if you will send a CD of across the board,
Josh Janssen: [00:21:20] I think that if, if I, so for instance, if like, I think about it in regards to like stuff on your top, if you have stuff on your top, And Mike, TJ knows he's got something on his fucking top.
This
Tommy Jackett: [00:21:34] is a thing I think we're coming from two different places. You all, so I'm empathetic. I'm
Josh Janssen: [00:21:39] fi I'm empathetic of like, have I got to meet my
Tommy Jackett: [00:21:42] fucking top now? I'd want to know dude, most of the time I don't fuck it. No, I got shit on my shoulder from Bodhi. The other day I had chocolate and texter different spots didn't know, didn't know for
Josh Janssen: [00:21:55] awhile.
Yeah. But I think that, so like using the neck beard, Part
Tommy Jackett: [00:22:00] is most of the things I'm not sensitive in that respect, not negative or positive. I just, I'm not. So I don't get triggered in that respect. So you
Josh Janssen: [00:22:10] get triggered in a different way though.
Tommy Jackett: [00:22:13] Obviously a reason why I might say things, but
Josh Janssen: [00:22:16] so your version though, so you don't have any, when it comes to your looks, but you have issues in regards to complex, like a complexity around.
Uh, may thinking you're dumb or like, duh. Yeah. Like you've like, we've spoken about it before. Like you've where you, like, Josh has tried, like, I feel dumb in this moment. Right. Which is probably a good version, which is like that feeling.
Tommy Jackett: [00:22:41] And I think I'm dumb. So it's like, I don't feel that I really believe what you're saying.
Like the story for me isn't life,
Josh Janssen: [00:22:50] but this is my point. So if I don't, if I decide to have like, to not shave, and you've said, Hey, like, man, why don't you like shave your neck up? Like in that moment, I'm like, I'm actually like, I'm good. Like I shaved my neck when I like want to shave my neck. And so when you say that, it's like, what?
The only thing it feels like is a place. Of judgment.
Tommy Jackett: [00:23:19] And I don't even think I said it. It was like, you should shave it. I was referencing it in like, fuck, it feels good. Feels good, which it is. It's not like it's sounding like a come in fucking shit, like the way it sounds. But I said, the way it happens is such is, is so con convoluted in the feeling that you're having.
Josh Janssen: [00:23:39] Which I think that if you tie that up with. Safe where it sounds like you're like, I'm painting you and
Tommy Jackett: [00:23:47] you sound like you're painting me. Like,
Josh Janssen: [00:23:49] but it's, it's worthwhile mentioning, like, if you, if you can't like, you've caught up with people and be like, fuck, they got fat. And so for me, who has gotten fat, when you're saying, Hey, the neck beard thing, and then you're saying, Oh, this person's got a bit fat.
Like for me,
Tommy Jackett: [00:24:06] you did. But
Josh Janssen: [00:24:08] who said that you did about like one of our mates.
Tommy Jackett: [00:24:12] I can't even remember it, but the, and so that, but that's where, how you're tying it back to you. So what I'm saying
Josh Janssen: [00:24:18] is you saying, Oh, that person's gotten fat and then, Hey, you shave. You're like no connection.
saying that person's fat. But I,
Tommy Jackett: [00:24:31] I see where you're connecting the dots in your mind, but that's where it's not, it's literally not doing by hand on hat is not why say any of that stuff? No, but so,
Josh Janssen: [00:24:40] but, so if you're judging someone else.
Tommy Jackett: [00:24:44] We all judge other people, but that's where you're trying to, you're doing the fucking detective work Sherlock Holmes style, and to try and connect everything I say to some sort of subtle cues to tell you that something.
But I think
Josh Janssen: [00:24:57] that they're not subtle cues. I think it's an unconscious.
Tommy Jackett: [00:25:02] So if you were saying you can't, this is the problem with saying people's unconscious, is that it's it's unfucking conscious. You don't know? I don't know. And so you can't say that because it's, there's no cash. So when you said that you think that I, something about not wanting a fat business partner, which I laughed because it's like, I'd never even thought that sentence in my fucking head.
I don't know. Who's thought. Yeah, I think that, but I
Josh Janssen: [00:25:28] think so. Uh, what I'm saying is I'm not, I'm not saying this is how you feel. What I'm saying is this is how, what you do makes me feel, which I think is all that I can do. Right. So it's like when, but at which w
Tommy Jackett: [00:25:44] at what point do you listen to people's words for what they are, or w w when do you.
And, and so, because I think you listened to your, your feelings and what you think about what people say more than what they say. And so it's like words do matter. And so then do you just do
Josh Janssen: [00:26:01] some matters? So do you just then become numb to what people say.
Tommy Jackett: [00:26:08] I think, I think there's an, um, I think there is a positivity in being a leader numb to want people say,
Josh Janssen: [00:26:17] do you care how I think about you?
Not really. That's not a great deal. Like I think that from a close people, I care what people think like close people that I work with, the close people that, you know, like,
Tommy Jackett: [00:26:31] I'm sure there'd be something that you could say that would affect me, but I don't, I don't think I'm. I'm not hyper triggered by emotionally.
And I don't then dive into that. Like if I get heightened, I might, I'm getting heightened about something like the
Josh Janssen: [00:26:47] feeling, but it's not even a heightened thing. So it's just a disappointing thing. Right. Which is like, if, but I think
Tommy Jackett: [00:26:52] it's actually disrespectful for somebody to. Hold the white in the emotional response that you have when it's, when, if it's a friend and they haven't fucking said that thing, but you have said
Josh Janssen: [00:27:05] all the things I'm saying is no, no, no big
Tommy Jackett: [00:27:07] thing, but it's not because I think you're fat and it would make you look less fat.
That's how, what you just
Josh Janssen: [00:27:12] said. But if you say this person has gotten fat, no,
Tommy Jackett: [00:27:15] but it's not the same. That was never the same conversation that
Josh Janssen: [00:27:18] Jay. So the thing is, if I'm just walking around. And so these are the things that happen in a single day. If things happen, if this happens in a single day, if it's like, Hey, would you like it?
Wasn't a single day. Yeah, it was, it was within like a 24 hour. Like it was literally back to back. Cause the thing is that the reason why I bring it up
Tommy Jackett: [00:27:36] need that far dark, because so, so the chances. It was not the same. That's why it feels week. Charlie got pushed a photo of you in USA. You and me. Do you think that
Josh Janssen: [00:27:47] you're listening to what I'm saying right now?
I think
Tommy Jackett: [00:27:49] I'm listening, but I'm, I'm trying to tell you that what you're saying, the dots you're connecting aren't there, there's no case to be brought around and said, but this is, so this is, you can either listen to me, you can either say, okay,
Josh Janssen: [00:28:01] isn't about listening to what I'm saying is this is how it feels.
And so. This is even worse. How you're responding makes me feel worse because what you're saying is, mate, you're fucking crazy connecting dots like this isn't here. The thing is, you did say this stuff about a friend. You did say to them, I hate telling you about the neck. Like the neck beard stuff you did say, why don't you wear the nice clothes?
Like when you've got so many good clothes, why don't you wear any of them? So when you say, why don't you wear any of your good clothes? What's the implication there. That I, the clothes I wear. Aren't nice. No, I didn't
Tommy Jackett: [00:28:37] say good quotes. I say ,
Josh Janssen: [00:28:40] you've got so much great stuff. Why don't you wear any of it? Yeah.
And so the reactor, the reason is, is because I don't fit into it because I put on too much.
Tommy Jackett: [00:28:48] And so
Josh Janssen: [00:28:50] can you understand,
Tommy Jackett: [00:28:51] can you understand though? Yeah. I understand that that feeling is shit based on dots. You connecting that aren't true. And so I don't understand how that, I think there's identifying that feeling.
Is like, what's, what's more so what am
Josh Janssen: [00:29:05] I, what am I, so what your people are loving this part, but what are you day? What are you describing? What you're describing is Josh unit, which I agree with, right? I agree. I'm not saying he shows
Tommy Jackett: [00:29:20] controllable. Not saying you should not feel that way. I'm saying how you viewing the way you are feeling and what weight are you putting on that feeling?
I'm not saying don't feel that way. I'm saying. Observe the feeling observe the emotional response to these things observed the dot, connecting that's happening when your made is telling you that's not what I was feeling. If I literally thought that you need to shave your beard. Cause you're fat. I wouldn't fucking say no, never
Josh Janssen: [00:29:48] say that, but this is a thing.
So, but this is why it feels more unconscious. Like, that's not
Tommy Jackett: [00:29:57] your intent can't point unconscious because it's not there to point out. You don't know. She can't set your, not the guy who can spot unconscious. I don't think that's how it works.
Josh Janssen: [00:30:08] What I can do is I can communicate how something makes me feel to
Tommy Jackett: [00:30:12] what I'm saying.
How are you then viewing that feeling? Because that feeling makes you feel no. Good. And that's, and, and I can, I can apologize for making you feel that way and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come across like that whatsoever. And I didn't actually mean that, but I think so
Josh Janssen: [00:30:32] from a sensitivity piece, but what I think is interesting though, is like, so there are real benefits in scent, like the sensitivity of stuff.
Right. So for instance, I think about, um, like, I, I, I think about the sensitivity of like, say with the clothes thing, like I'd never breathe. Like I would never bring up someone's clothes or I would never bring up like, so for instance, I would never say, Oh, mate, Your shoes are looking a little ratty or whatever it is.
Cause the thing is like, you might not want to be spending money
Tommy Jackett: [00:31:03] on these shoes. That's a different mace. You shine some shoes that you had. I bet I fucking.
Josh Janssen: [00:31:11] I've used it like done.
Tommy Jackett: [00:31:15] How so? It's not the same. You can't compare saying so many wash. Your clothes are fucking ratty, buy new ones. So if I says, Hey, I just saw this photo, where are you Saturday?
Like you get those fucking awesome. Where is that?
Josh Janssen: [00:31:28] And so the thing is from an awesome shoes, but like using that example, if I was like, man, where are those awesome shoes? If the problem, the problem with that is it's like, okay, well, why aren't you wearing the shoes? If it's a clear thing of this? Like, ah, like the problem, I guess I have with it when it's, why don't you?
Yeah. Like using the clothes example, why don't you wear your awesome jumpers or, um, I can see how. Without all of the stuff that I'm dealing with personally, it would have.
Tommy Jackett: [00:32:03] And, and so w w how do you expect to, like, it's a hard journey and I, and I empathize with the journey of traveling through the world where someone can set you off by saying, where's your nice jumper when I've failed
Josh Janssen: [00:32:19] you in that respect.
So, for instance, like, so if I was to say from a, from a place that is so. And not curious, is that the word, but like, it's something that's like, not at all. Um, uh, uh, that does, it has no intent. If I was to say, Matt, why don't you go like, um, man, there's so many good restaurants. Why, why don't you go to more restaurants?
Or why don't you like one, like, man, Tony, a fucking Blaine has some fucking great places. Why don't you. If you're like strapped for cash, or if it's like, fuck Bodhi needs to be in bed or that sort of thing. It's not a great, would it
Tommy Jackett: [00:32:58] be not a great feeling? Well, because the thing is, it's like we're in a world that is, people are so fucking sensitive.
And it's very, very negative for their life if you're triggered by that. So you're like suddenly I don't, I'm not on the same fucking field. It not at all, dude.
Josh Janssen: [00:33:17] And so the thing I think
Tommy Jackett: [00:33:19] about because that's not the person that's saying there's some great restaurants around. Just fucking means. There's great restaurants around why buy into things that aren't.
So if I said ,
Josh Janssen: [00:33:32] why don't you go, man? Why don't you go to more great restaurants? So if I say that to you, no, it's actually not. If I said that it was like, man bullying, it's got so many great places. Like, why don't you go out to more restaurants hard? What would you say? It's
Tommy Jackett: [00:33:44] fucking useless
Josh Janssen: [00:33:45] for restaurant, but like, I
Tommy Jackett: [00:33:48] don't say it it's like.
No, not at
Josh Janssen: [00:33:51] all. You don't say it. Not at all, essentially. Cause I feel like there's so many things
Tommy Jackett: [00:33:55] that I just, I w I don't want to leave a scent that I'm not saying you can't be sensitive. It's the weight you're putting on the things that you were emotionally responding to. Is the thing to observe there.
And I feel for you when, when it is your mate saying, it's the jumper thing. And I, and I don't want, like, I don't
Josh Janssen: [00:34:17] want, like, I think the hard bit,
Tommy Jackett: [00:34:20] at what point does your, where does the sensitivity go? You just stop fucking saying anything cause you like, will I trigger him? And so it is a hard one. Cause I think,
Josh Janssen: [00:34:30] I think the thing is that what gets missed here is as if.
You D you don't have any of those sensitivities, which I think you do.
Tommy Jackett: [00:34:40] But I also acknowledge that if I'm triggered from somebody about something, it is me internally having an emotional response. That he's energy and where's it coming from? It's not the other person. It's me. I can't fucking control. I can't control what this person said.
If it was malicious and nasty and the intent was to cause an emotional response. I think that's slightly different, but when someone says something and you're triggered. I CA I mean, I do a lot of work at trying to feel, uh, trying to observe my state and what I'm feeling. And so, and, and I just, and the weight shouldn't be put there, but
Josh Janssen: [00:35:22] I just think like, yeah, there's so many, cause the thing is, I don't want this to be like a thing where it's like, just.
Listing examples. Right. But I think that, but it's not even
Tommy Jackett: [00:35:32] worth it. Don't go there. But
Josh Janssen: [00:35:35] my point being is I think that you're not even conscious to your sensitivities that every day I am considerate of. Right. Like thinking, like, I think that what you're describing is this idea that like, It's not my job to, uh,
Tommy Jackett: [00:35:56] so this isn't me.
I never pointed out anything. And so at the point of this would be a whole different conversation. If you had a mate that was fucking mad, you got to get back into the gym, you do it. So the thing is what I'm saying.
Josh Janssen: [00:36:10] So what I'm saying is that the, the talk around around it can actually be just as impactful than saying, rather than saying, Hey man, you're fat.
You need to lose weight. If you say this person's fat should shave you shave your neck. Why don't you wear those nice clothes anymore? All of those things. Can you see how that can be just as destructive as saying you're fat now to lose weight?
Tommy Jackett: [00:36:37] No, because I, I can see how, I don't think I judge you in that there's a destructive nature in the dot, connecting that's happening over at your side, that you're doing the same thing, but you know, the problem is you don't want to.
Because I'm the same at the same point. If you're saying it's destructive, it's the same as me coming to you and pointing out something. So, which is your responsibility. I want to make you mates into the point. You put your mates into that area. W w when they didn't do
Josh Janssen: [00:37:06] so with me telling you how that made me feel.
Because I think that the thing is that you've come from a place of defending your position.
Tommy Jackett: [00:37:15] I'm not defending my position. All I'm saying is that the SA the observing the,
I don't think the dot connecting is productive. I don't think any of it's productive. I don't think
Josh Janssen: [00:37:29] connecting. I think the dot connecting is, uh, saying dot, connecting implies. That I am generating a story that isn't serving. Right. So, so there there's, there can be an element which is, uh, always think the best intent for someone which I do.
Tommy Jackett: [00:37:56] And, um, and so it's, and it's not to say that you shouldn't. Dot connect or feel that way. It's then what do you do with that? And
Josh Janssen: [00:38:03] so the thing is, if, if I say, Hey, this is how this is, because the thing is it's, I'm not coming with it. I'm not coming with the energy of, I need to speak to Tommy about this.
I'm just saying that like, It makes me feel bad. And we talk about stuff on the show and this is just so happened to be the thing I, to your, it was in the show
Tommy Jackett: [00:38:26] notes before we
Josh Janssen: [00:38:27] started. Uh, but
Tommy Jackett: [00:38:29] the thing is the, have some back
Josh Janssen: [00:38:31] and forth. The, if you think about it, I like to your point in that moment. I don't like, I don't say, Hey, that doesn't make me feel good or
Tommy Jackett: [00:38:43] only because I think you go away and think about it and the documented
Josh Janssen: [00:38:46] thing starts.
And so the thing is that it hurts, it hurts my feelings in them in the moment. And so the thing is with the neck beer thing. But if I said in that moment, um, is it because you don't like the way that I look, I would say, Oh,
Tommy Jackett: [00:38:59] don't fuck, I'm sorry. If you feel that it's not actually. So
Josh Janssen: [00:39:02] the thing is that like, so the elevation of, to like, Like no, like, so the thing is that I know that that's like, uh, it's very easy that if I bring anything to you, that that's not my intent.
And, but if it's hurt my feelings and does it matter what your intent was? If, if it makes me feel not great, isn't the answer of like, Oh, you know what? Like, I probably shouldn't comment on the way. Uh, Josh looks, um, because maybe that
Tommy Jackett: [00:39:36] does it sensitive topic for you. It's a sensitive area. And so cause you have to identify it as being a sensitive area.
Otherwise you want,
Josh Janssen: [00:39:44] yeah. I think that everyone, I think most people are sensitive about the way they look. Um, or like you could say things that would be, and this is the problem with advice. So. It's going back to the harps podcasts. It's like that
Tommy Jackett: [00:40:04] perhaps would have a lot to say on this,
Josh Janssen: [00:40:06] that the advice that you're giving give advice.
So the thing is you, you don't think that you're giving advice, you're
Tommy Jackett: [00:40:14] just chasing the next beat is more advice than saying, where are you? Awesome jumpers. And so then I get that and it's like it literally. So. I think it's not even like, it's so fucking light. It's like, dude, I have neck beads. I'm not coming from pacer.
I don't fuck it. It'd be like a chick saying fucking shave your neck bead. Which probably is it. But I just think that they
Josh Janssen: [00:40:41] would say that. Yeah, I dunno. I just think that there's a, um, so from this conversation, Uh, like it's hard because I don't want to bring it up because this is the response that I get.
So this response I got is not the response that I want, because the response that I've gotten from you is, would you like in this? So the response, so this is the response that I feel like I've gotten. It's like,
Tommy Jackett: [00:41:04] no, but what's the response that you want,
Josh Janssen: [00:41:07] man, from going into your shoes and be like, this is you saying this to me.
That makes a lot of sense. Uh, I'm sorry. Whereas what you have doesn't make
Tommy Jackett: [00:41:22] for good podcast calls. It actually does if we just shaked it,
Josh Janssen: [00:41:25] but what you've, but what you have said is you connect dots, not everything that you think in your mind is real and society is crazy and over-sensitive yeah.
Tommy Jackett: [00:41:38] And that's in a podcast where we are breaking down.
Josh Janssen: [00:41:42] No, but I think that this is the reaction that I would expect off the podcast. Yeah. I think that if, if anything, a podcast, we probably bring a 3%, 5% better version of ourselves thinking that there's other people who are here judging what we're saying. Um, and so I don't, I don't think if the microphones were off.
You become fucking Mr. Sensitive. And then like,
Tommy Jackett: [00:42:06] if you came to me and said, like, in that state of the PR, when it's threaded into conversation, then all of a sudden you're just dropping in and then bringing up all this. That's where it's like, if you actually said, man, I'm pretty fucking upset. Like if you, if I didn't think I would match, I don't think I would necessarily.
Try and dissect it like this. If you come to me upset, because why would it, I wouldn't
Josh Janssen: [00:42:34] point is that like, the hard bit is I'm wary of the sensitivity or wary of like being, so what you've described, what you've outlined in regards to people are too sensitive and all that sort of thing coming to you, upset sort of plays into that. Snowflake over-sensitive just get over it type of thing.
And so the
Tommy Jackett: [00:42:58] thing is, or is it honesty? Is it truth? Like you need to be the cigar so snowflake.
Josh Janssen: [00:43:03] So the thing is that I've been honest with you and the response has only made me feel worse.
Tommy Jackett: [00:43:11] Well, that sucks. I didn't want to. I think yeah. Yes. In, in respects to understanding that yeah,
Josh Janssen: [00:43:21] because the problem sits with it.
So the thing is that I shared it with an, an idea that we could, as might say, you know what, like this actually makes there's some sense here. Your feelings are real Josh. My, but what I can say is like that, wasn't my intent. Um, and so the thing is the problem, I guess, where it lands in this is what's hard is it's like.
I don't want to have to like, so where I feel like it lands is this justification thing where I need to like the whole like restaurant example and all that sort of thing. It pains me to be like, the only way that you're going to get perspective is if I find an example that you can relate to, which I understand, but I think that it's like,
Tommy Jackett: [00:44:09] Yeah, it doesn't, it's not that I can't understand that your not feeling great about it.
No, it's not that.
Josh Janssen: [00:44:17] But do you understand though, that, like, if you say I understand, and this is the response, can you not see that the, what you bring out is man connecting the, like the answer here is you're over-sensitive and you connecting too many dots. Like, I don't know what the coping mechanism. So like one is, and this is what I do for the, when you talk about stuff or when you say stuff, what I normally say to myself is the CS.
This there's no malicious intent here in regards to this. But the thing is that the dock connecting is a thing where it's like, if, if something makes me feel a certain way, so it's like a TJ, uh, for some reason, doesn't like the way that I look. Um, and because that's, uh, that's what I'm seeing in my head, right?
Like I'm watching old videos and being disappointed in the way I look. And so if, if I'm feeling that way, I'm Mike looking at me, I'm like, Oh man, I can't play pouch. Wipe what I put on. And then having
Tommy Jackett: [00:45:24] those things set. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's I don't lie. I feel for you in a dark that you're in a dark place about that stuff.
And so. And, and that you struggling there. And so that's what I, that's what I get I do. I do. I do
Josh Janssen: [00:45:42] get that, but I guess the thing is that the question is, does, does, um, As, uh, as friends, is that any kind of responsibility? Any thought in?
Tommy Jackett: [00:45:58] No, of course. So I guess the question is where do I go from here? I have, I have to be considerate about anything relating to your appearance.
If I say whatever,
Josh Janssen: [00:46:13] is there, is there a zoom out? Is there a zoom out version? Because I think that part of it is like, The feedback of, or just like, don't mention the way the thing is like, it's not. So the thing is it's never going to change. It's not a
Tommy Jackett: [00:46:27] joke. I didn't, I wouldn't
Josh Janssen: [00:46:29] say I think that the thing that the hard part for me is white and never is fully reconciled is because where it lands is your feelings remain the same way in regards to how you feel like I know that you can't, you can't control your feelings about how I look.
Or what you think about how I look. And so the th the hard bit is it's always, all I know that you've done is not talk about it now, if that makes sense. So, like, I, but that's it, that's, that's the annoying thing about it is it's like, and that's not, that's not a criticism of you and saying like, Oh, you fucked it forever.
But what I'm saying is like, for me, And where, where does Ali is? Like, it does sit. And just because you will not saying those things anymore doesn't mean that like, you've just gotten better at filtering and triggering and hopefully over a period of time, I can build up the self-confidence to not have to have that as an impact.
Um, Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Hi,
Tommy Jackett: [00:47:35] walked in, walked away thinking that I've yelled at you fat. Can't what it's like. That's literally how it sounds, but it's not. And I don't think about that stuff
Josh Janssen: [00:47:44] like, and so this is the uncut, but there's the unconscious element, right. Which is like, yeah,
Tommy Jackett: [00:47:48] I think we're too quick to fucking judge.
People's unconscious nature to things when,
Josh Janssen: [00:47:55] but isn't it interesting though, that like your frustration in this whole thing. Is that you've been judged and that's the exact same feeling that I feel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I think that like, that's,
Tommy Jackett: [00:48:07] it's very fucking complex and that's why we've dived into little bits of it.
Yeah. I feel for you, dude. I feel for you and I, and I'm sorry.
Josh Janssen: [00:48:20] I'm sorry. That's okay. All right. Uh, the daily talk show hyper daily talks about com. If you want to send us an email, instead of my guys have a good one. You guys.