Kristie Mercer On Travel And Trusting Life

Kristie: The Daily Talk Show.

Tommy: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 637.

Josh: Chrissy Mercer's in the building.

Kristie: Yeah, boy. Oh yeah, give myself an intro. Yeah, get it, girl, get it, girl.

Josh: Welcome, welcome to the studio. Welcome back to Australia.

Kristie: I know I'm back. I'm back after— was 8 months Mexico, Central America.

Tommy: I felt like a longer time, like from Instagram.

Kristie: People keep saying, are you with her?

Tommy: I felt like I got to— like you, uh Did you catch some sort of parasite as well? Were you like—

Kristie: I was crook as for like 5 weeks.

Tommy: 5 weeks?

Kristie: Yeah, I was just like really unwell. I just, yeah, I was gonna say something and I was like, is that too far? But it's not. Like I've just never done that amount of diarrhoea in my life. It wasn't even diarrhea, it was water.

Tommy: There we go, there's a snippet for the socials.

Kristie: Take what you want, boys. We've got no pride left. But seriously, it was to the point where, 'cause I sold everything I own, sold my car, had this real YOLO moment. I think I feel like I've lived my youth in reverse because I never did that in my early 20s. So I kind of was like, you moved to Toorakka, mate.

Josh: That's not—

Kristie: yeah, I know. Yeah, I went to Townsville at 20 for my first radio job, moved around the country for, what, 8 years or something, and then got to a point in my life where I was like, what am I doing?

Josh: Like, you say radio robbed you of a—

Kristie: insert— nah, nah, hashtag no regrets. But also, I, I don't know, you get to a point where I was like, well, in some ways it was like the biggest blow ever because I was like, you come out of this bubble of, I think like a lot of industries, but like radio is so insular and like pretty unique and so like incestuous. I kind of came out for air and I was like, what kind of life skills do I have? What life experience have I had? It came out of a 9-year relationship. So I was also like, what am I doing? And what do I also have tying me here to Australia or to Sydney for, you know, to anywhere?

Tommy: Did you catch yourself middle of the trip just on radio today? Just checking out.

Kristie: Yeah, I'm addicted to that shit. I actually went the other way. I was just like, I could not stand having it. Like, people would have radio on in the car. I'm like, turn this shit off. Like, and yeah, I just was like, nah. But to be fair, I was never one of those like radio peeps that was like had fucking Google alerts for Radio Today. You had a hard-on for Craig Bruce or whatever. I'm laughing like that's you.

Tommy: No, you got it right. Coffee.

Kristie: Oh, that was a good—

Tommy: I've been thinking.

Josh: Craig taught him about segues. Yeah, say the first word and just really—

Tommy: the whiteboard. You're only as good as your whiteboard. We don't have a whiteboard.

Kristie: It was smooth as you like. Life crisis, coffee.

Tommy: Coffee. Uh, no, I could— like, I could talk about diarrhea. I can do a segue. Um, no, being back in Melbourne.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: Like, are you a coffee drinker or no?

Kristie: Yeah, I'm frothed coffee. But I'm also incredibly, I'm incredibly poor. So I'm doing this thing where I don't buy 3 coffees a day and it's killing my life. I'm back on Nescaf. So I mean, if the Blend 45 is the symbolic of where you're at in your life, I'm down here.

Josh: I mean, that's a breakfast radio person's staple, right?

Kristie: It's like, but it never was. I was like, I was always, I was always like, I'm so above this shit. Like, I was just like, honestly.

Tommy: And I was. Were you like Annie Maguire with your own barista?

Kristie: And now I'm not.

Tommy: Nah, fuck that.

Kristie: But I'd just be like, I also need to get out of this studio and away from these people. Yeah. Just give me a moment, please, to stop fake laughing and go and get a coffee and come back and be bright and light.

Josh: Did you lose your phone overseas?

Kristie: Yeah, no, I got it stolen. It was partially my fault because I was skinny dipping at the time.

Tommy: Sure, that would do it.

Kristie: Yeah. So I left my stuff at the end of a pier in Panama. I come out of this club, I'm sweaty as, and put my bag in a bag of this guy. He was very cute. I was like, was it worth it?

Tommy: What sort of phone was it?

Kristie: It was just, it was an iPhone. But here's the shit part because finally I managed to like steal the hostel phone to call, to make an international call to Telstra, whoever I was with. And I said, oh, this is my number, 043, you know, said it. And they go, oh, we've got no record of that phone number. And I said, oh, well, it's funny 'cause I've had the same number for like 15 years. And they said, no, there's nothing coming up in our system. They put me through to all these different, you know, departments. And in the end they go, well, I'll put you through to our credit team. And that's when I was like, oh, this is no good. They said, oh, you've got an outstanding $1,658 debt with us because they were debiting my card as I was gone and I changed cards. I don't know, my life admin's all over the shop. And yeah, they cancelled the card and it had been sent to a debt collector.

Josh: Oh no.

Kristie: So I was like, oh, brilliant. So it was like a bit of a double whammy. So I'm like, I'm glad I lost the phone to find out about the debt because they said, we've been trying to reach you. I said, I lost my phone. They said, yeah, 'Is 0437 still your number?' I'm like, 'Yeah, I've lost my phone.

Josh: I'm also in Panama.' So yeah, it sounds like you're— it's like you're a fugitive in Panama. That's where you flee to Panama.

Tommy: Also, it's convenient that like the way you described it, it's like you lost your phone ages ago. It's like I was talking about this with like coronavirus, everyone's using that as an excuse for everything.

Kristie: Yeah, true.

Tommy: And I was saying there was a sick part of me that when my— like, I'm so disorganized. When my nana died I was like, fuck, I've bought myself an extra week with all my video projects. And everyone's like really nice.

Kristie: They're like, yeah, yeah, use it and abuse it. Did you in the end?

Tommy: No, I literally said like, hey, like you don't even have to say, hey, I'm not going to be able to reach that deadline. You're just like, look, my nana died. It just buys you time. It was a few years ago. Stop being so sad about it. Now you're bringing me down.

Kristie: No, but I wonder if like I get afraid to say things in case karma. I do believe in karma. So I'm like, is this from the trip? If I say, yeah, I'm so woke and shit now. I did like a meditation retreat. I haven't heard, I posted about it.

Tommy: You couldn't do a silent retreat?

Kristie: No, I actually did do a silent retreat. And then my mate got stung by a scorpion on the 9th night and we broke the silence. And I was running around being like, my friend got bit by a scorpion through this silent meditation retreat and got into heaps of trouble. But no, on the karma thing, like I'm scared to say, there've been so many times in my life where I've gone to say, there's a family crisis or someone's sick or, you know, like, and I'm just so— but if your nana's already dead.

Tommy: Yeah, she's fine. I don't have another nana.

Kristie: So I'm all good.

Josh: I mean, what you're talking about is just lying. Is that what you're saying?

Tommy: Like, what do you mean?

Josh: No, you didn't. So you said it as a legit thing. So your grandma died and you're like, this actually bothers me.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you saying that you just say that your grandma's died from a car accident? I think it's more like, you know, if you're like, oh, don't go too close to the edge, you'll die.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: Or like, drive safe, we don't want you dead. Just say, is that what you're saying?

Kristie: I don't want to put it out into the universe. But what I'm saying is that's stunning for you because Granny's already dead. So you can use that without attracting the bad.

Tommy: Could I still use it now? Like if I say, my Nana died, but it was 3 years ago.

Kristie: Use the Nana in amongst the Corona and then you've got double significance. Oh, that's right.

Tommy: You hear about the Corona stuff. Yeah, my Nana's dead.

Kristie: Because none of them are technically a lie. It's up to the person receiving that news to discern.

Tommy: And I livestreamed my nana's funeral actually, because I am—

Josh: It's a live leak.

Tommy: No, because I am like, I am pretty socially awkward and my brother lives in North Carolina. Okay. He's like, I'd like to watch it. And so rather than just like streaming it on a fucking iPad like my mum would have done, you know, I set up like a full camera, like set up. I had like all of it. Like I basically had to rope off a section of the church.

Kristie: Of the VIP section. Did you make a cap?

Tommy: It was great because I was like, because in funerals, like, no one likes funerals. That's what I've learned because I always say to Bree, I'm like, I fucking hate funerals. I hate hospitals. She's like, you know, like, no one, no one likes it. I was like, okay. But I, um, yeah, it was great because I could rope it off. And then when people came up and said, oh, like, you know, sorry about you, no, no, I'll just be like, just film.

Josh: Do you think it's a coping mechanism? Because yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because like, I like filming like Christmas But it's usually to get through it.

Kristie: Oh, to be behind the lens of it.

Josh: I like to enjoy it. Like, it's almost like I'm bored otherwise. I'm just like sitting around talking.

Kristie: I was gonna say, talk to me about why, like, why do you need to get through Christmas?

Josh: No, it's more— it's not even like— I think I enjoy filming and making a video. I enjoyed that time spent doing that, right, than just like being at the thing and not doing anything.

Kristie: See, do you feel like that makes you less present though? Like if you're— or does it make you more present? Because I feel like so on this trip that I went on, we started making a few little videos and there were so many like instances and people that we met and storeys and, you know, like stunning people that we met that if we did not have a camera slash Sophie, because I didn't have one, I was just went along and I was like, yeah, you know, film that. That looks pretty good. I had no idea.

Josh: Your camera got stolen.

Tommy: I'm the director.

Kristie: I had no idea what I was doing. But yeah, we ended up having these amazing experiences that if we didn't have a camera, there's no way that we would have ended up having.

Josh: Yeah, it makes you more observant.

Kristie: It totally does.

Josh: You're looking for the storey or you're looking for a nice moment. So it is nice, but it is a coping mechanism. It's probably like someone who can talk really well like yourself, where you kind of like in a situation where you, I do it, I like enter into not a performance, but I'm like, I give it a bit of energy to get into it. But it's almost like you do it to cope through a situation.

Kristie: Do you find the energy sucking though? I was talking to someone about this recently who's a muso and they're like, I'm like, oh, it's funny when people say to you, oh, you've got the best job in the world. You just rock up and have a sing and then you leave. And we're talking about like talking, you know, like emceeing shit and like, you know, that whole schmoozing situation. I'm like, I can do that. And I love— but part of me is like, you exhausted at the end of it, which sounds so wanky that you like go and have a like a free meal and meet people and have a chinwag. But then you're also like, oh, life's pretty hard. Yeah, but it actually is. It gives you energy to people.

Tommy: What about like when you're in like hostels? Because I've never done the hostel thing.

Kristie: Neither had I, and I was like 29 for the first time doing it.

Tommy: And so the thing that worries me about hostels is the other people. Yeah, which makes sense.

Kristie: And the bathrooms because it's the only place you can have sex but in a dorm— oh, so they're normally pretty manks.

Tommy: Yeah. And so do you talk to people? Well, when you get them—

Kristie: no, no, usually ask their name, quite polite.

Tommy: Oh no, that's nice if it's like yeah But like, I can just imagine walking into a hostel and there's going to be like a German dude. He's going to have like a ukulele. He's been probably travelling longer than I have. And then you're going to have all these different people. And I just feel like it would be too overwhelming to have to understand. Like, I like creating storeys about everyone that I meet. Sure.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: Just trying to absorb all of that.

Kristie: Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot of energy. So, there were some times where I was travelling with a mate, but then I was on my own, solo. For about 2, over 2 months, where part of it, there's some days you just like, I can't be fucked because you have the same conversation because the through line with everybody's, oh yeah, where are you from? Yeah, cool. Oh, never been to Texas. Yeah. How long are you travelling for? Oh yeah. Where have you been? Oh yeah. These places. And there are some days where I'm just like, I can't.

Tommy: Sounds like a fucking Uber, you know, like how long you been doing this for? When did you start?

Kristie: It's actually full on. So I think it's like, it's a gift to give yourself up, but also to other people to recognize. I would think of it as this kind of like this wavy line where there are some, I think life's like that sometimes, where there's sometimes where your energy, especially if what you guys are doing, or you're in media, or you're talking, or you're giving, you know, whatever you're doing, you're giving people energy. There has to be times where your energy goes in as well. 'Cause I don't think, you're not servicing anybody by constantly being like, "Hey guys," because I just don't think you work like that. So there are some times where I was like, "Oh, I can't be bothered seeing another human." And there were, I went like 2 days without speaking. To a single person.

Tommy: Not great.

Josh: Travelling that long and it's not a silent meditation.

Kristie: Oh, I did. Sorry, I did 9 days.

Josh: I mean, like speaking the 2 days is— it'd be like me not speaking for 2 days, but I'm not at a silent meditation.

Kristie: Yeah, that's right.

Josh: I'm just here.

Kristie: But there are some days where you're like, I want a Corona and just to talk shit with somebody, you know? So you— I feel like you gotta— it made me really aware of like when to come in and when to come out because you force yourself out sometimes when you don't want to be and you shouldn't be for anyone's sake.

Josh: I also find like sometimes I I'm in that mindset of I don't want to, but then I do. And then I see that I actually get the energy from it, right? So I'm like, I'm a bit insular. I think I want to be in, but then I'm like, oh, I actually had a great time then. Like, I feel a bit more energized. It's a weird one because you got to listen to yourself.

Kristie: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: So there's a fine line between listening to yourself when you really should be sort of trying to—

Kristie: that's right—

Josh: re-energize, get your crystals charged, you know, or the other way of like I'm just being a fucking little shit.

Kristie: Yeah, I think it's also realising that not everything is comfortable and not everything's good. You know, even in the good stuff, there's shit parts, and even in the shit parts, there's good parts. So like when you're, yeah, you are like, I could not, like you were saying, I could not be bothered talking to a per— I don't even want to put pants on. But then you get out and you're like, oh, that was fun. I really needed that. So it's like, yeah, it is maybe just knowing yourself and where the line is to push past and where the line is to actually go, no, just stay inside Sans Pants.

Josh: Yeah, I think there's, I mean, I don't have it dialled in, but it's like if you have dedicated time allocated to recharge, so it's like regardless, it's, I know I need to do that because it's, because if you're not thinking about it or booking in time, when are you doing it? You're just hoping it happens. Yeah, you don't get called or hoping, you know, work as well. People have, you know, full-time work.

Kristie: Cars are good for that though. Yeah, I did that on the way here. Like, I'm not a, um, When I wake up, I like silence. Like, I don't— you know, some people like— I'm living with my mum at the moment. That's amazing. 30, single, unemployed, basically, you know, homeless, living with my mum. No, you know, no idea why.

Josh: It's just the storey spin. It could be more positive, to be honest.

Kristie: Fucking catch. Anyway, I wake up this morning, first thing she does is put on Smooth.

Tommy: I love Smooth.

Kristie: Yeah, it's great, but it's also not.

Tommy: It's the sort of tunes that just like there's nothing, it's just chill.

Kristie: Yeah, but when you finally hear them, it's just basically ads. It's like an infomercial for your ears. It's just like, and she is like, has everything up really loud. So like this moment you wake up, you're just hearing like, eh, eh, eh, Harvey Norman sound. Like, and she does it with the TV and she loves A Current Affair. And it just like, and I can't, 'cause I'm living at her house. So I'm like, you can't say anything. But I'm also, that for me is like allowing yourself that time to wake up or like sit in the car just in silence and just let your brain do the to-do list and think about the things. And like, I feel like that— so you can weave it in in a way where you're not like sitting down singing om and chanting for your, you know, tick self-inquiry time. So I feel like, yeah, in real life, that's maybe not that realistic, especially if, you know, you've got kids, jobs, you know, real life things.

Josh: Like, we are a product of our environment, what we're listening to. It sort of embodies you, right?

Tommy: So you are Tracy Grimshaw.

Kristie: Tracy's still got it though. I said that my brother came around for dinner last night. I said, this would be a hilarious show to watch stoned because they have that go special on tonight. And it was, it was about like dangerous play centers. Genuinely, this kid jumping for joy, like looking so happy. And then it showed and they changed all the like colour shapes fading to like black and white. And she was holding her knee crying like, oh, this is just the dregs of society. Like, what is this show? It's so hilarious.

Josh: It's only getting worse too. Like, it's only becoming more hyperbolic. So I was listening to, I just like was doing some mindless work where I can listen to something while I'm doing it. I find like some tasks I cannot listen to.

Kristie: I'm the same.

Josh: I need to sort of focus in on it.

Tommy: But this one— What tasks can you do where you're not What are you doing?

Josh: Sorting footage. Okay. So you're just like moving things around, like don't need to listen or, you know. Anyway, so I had a live stream of some US news show talking about the coronavirus and I just was watching, like not even watching the footage, but listening and doing this thing. And I just remember feeling like my shoulders are sort of like coming out. And then I was like, I'm going to fucking change this up. I listened to Ram Dass, a meditation guru guy, and I just felt so much lighter, but I was like, And that just fully changed how I felt, like my body was feeling. And so now I'm fully convinced about the coronavirus, but I'm also enlightened because of Rob Dust.

Kristie: It does seep into your subconscious. Even if, like you say, subliminally, like you're not aware enough to know that your shoulder's going, or you're stressed, or all these kind of stuff. You know, my mom having that shit on in the background, it does go somewhere. And I've realised that from traveling, you have this little microcosm of society of all these other fellow humans. Keep seeking something and searching. And so I was talking to a mate about this that I was travelling with, and he was like, "How are you going at home? 'Cause this is the real test of being conscious and aware and practising patience and even little things like eating more consciously, not just shoving it in." And I was like, I think your surrounding of all these other people it really does normalise things. And then when you're back, I was just— for the first time in my life, I've been like, oh, I'm single. Like, I feel like almost not sad about it. I had this moment at like a best mate's 30th where I was like, I'm single, you know. But when I was living in Sydney, everyone was single and focusing on their careers. And when you're traveling, everyone's kind of finding themselves. So it's like what your surrounding is becomes your normality. And then what— and everybody is just having mortgage chat in Melbourne. I'm just like, I can't relate to that, and it's making me feel different, or it's it's making me feel stressed or it's making me feel weird. But then you take me out and put me in another scenario and I'm like, oh, you know, I'm, you know, it's, I don't know, thriving here and have a lot to relate to here.

Josh: And then inside the bubble, it's safe, right? So you're seeing other people's bubbles or other people's sort of normality.

Tommy: How much did your bubble change going from Australian life to traveling? Like what was the biggest shift for you personally?

Kristie: That's a good question. I think the biggest thing, I think I was just learning to trust more, learning to trust life really, because I think, I don't know, I think most of us, all of us really, you're kind of brought up in society to like, you know, you go to school and you get good grades and then you, so you can get into this uni course. And after you do that uni course, you're doing that because what does it equal? Everything is so like results-driven, you know what I mean? And I think you kind of as a human or, you know, like you, you, you lose lose that sense of like creative play, of just coming up, you know, sitting down and having a jam, for instance. You know, if you play guitar, if you're a singer, you know, like everything for me previously felt very like, well, what am I getting out of this? Okay, well, if I'm going to dedicate my, you know, the next year to move to bumfuck nowhere to do this radio show, well, what am I getting out of it? Like, what's the result? You know, and I think I— you kind of get into that state of mind where you're like, if I'm dedicating an hour to this, it's going to equal this. And I think I realised that when I was overseas, I'm like, life doesn't actually— it doesn't work that way. It's not like a scoring system where it's like you put in your best efforts and then there's a surety that it will equal, you know, what you thought in your brain it would. So I think it was for me, and it still is, that process of like learning to trust your curiosity as it goes, as it moves through without really knowing kind of what— where it will land.

Tommy: So if you're using that path or if you're going down that scoreboard route, what happens with like relationships and friends? Because if you've accumulated or if you've created all of these relationships within that old system and then you have this experience, do you find that you're like misaligned with heaps of people that you used to be aligned with?

Kristie: No, it's funny, I might— I had my 30th a couple of weeks ago, so I planned this when I was overseas, which is a stunning financial decision to come back and drop $2,500 on a weekend away. I got back and I was like, Yeah, sick. Anyway, tell Strickland, mate. No shit, I hadn't paid the phone bill by that point.

Tommy: Got any good credit card hacks, balance transfer stuff? What are you doing?

Kristie: What's your, uh, what do you mean?

Tommy: Well, like, what do you do financially?

Josh: Sounds like you need to give her a few tips. What do you ask? What a balance transfer was?

Kristie: I don't know, I actually never had a credit card.

Tommy: Oh, that's good. Yeah, so like, you, you're still doing stuff within your mate. It's not like, because you hear the storeys of like like, like I've, I've even gone travelling where I was like, oh fuck, what's, yeah, what's $5,000? Like, we can pay this, I can fucking pay this back, you know, over 25 years. Yeah, I've got a whole life to pay this back.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: So you had, so you deciding to spend $20,000, how are you with budgeting?

Kristie: Shocking. So bad.

Tommy: So for you to make a decision of spending $2,500 going away, she was on a few Coronas, mate.

Josh: It was a nice space.

Kristie: What do you need in your balance to like, you're like, okay, Honestly, triple figures in the bank account. I was like, that's enough. I'll trust the universe, something will fucking work itself out. No, but I've never been, I've always been real. Even when I earned lots of money, I was really bad with money. You know how everything is relative. So you kind of think, oh shit, if I'm earning, you know, like X amount or if there's another zero on that, imagine how I'll live. But everything, you just eat out more a little bit. You buy a car that's a little bit more expensive. You, I don't know, like go on a few more holidays and, you know, you buy a few more drinks when you're out for your friends. So I never— I think even when I was in a place where I was, you know, on a kind of decent wage, I still had that real battler mindset anyway. Like mates used to give me shit with that.

Tommy: You were throwing a fair stuffer.

Kristie: They would just say, I would still be like, it's just like you can afford to do this. So like you can get in, you know, like a new car if you want, or you can. I'd still like, oh, Aldi's the best. I actually also have realised about myself, I really thrive being an underdog.

Tommy: Sure.

Kristie: So I think in a lot of ways when that, that radio job kind of finished and I was like, oh, that's a bit of a bummer. What am I doing with my life now? And it kind of ended quite suddenly. I was like, I also have looked at that through a bit of soul searching as well and looked at that as a bit of a gift. Because even at that point, I was kind of like ticking a lot of boxes. I was like, you know, in a solid relationship, good financially. You kind of, you reach a point where I was like, this is, this is all I've ever dreamed about for the last decade and I'm doing it. But I didn't know where to go next or like, what does that equal? You know, like, and I don't know if that's the kind of person that I am or the mindset that I've been in 10 years where I'm also always in hustle mode, like what's next? Okay, what is this? You know, and coming back and kind of in a lot of ways not being at the bottom, but kind of having to work hard and, you know, like, you know, be humble and all those kind of things. I actually am probably the happiest I think I've ever been because I'm like, there's a sense of purpose and there's a sense of building and there's a sense of like motivation, you know, that I don't— I think I lost a bit at one point.

Josh: Is it now not sense of, I, one day I'll be there. Like, I think that's a mindset of like people, the underdogs, or people that are not there yet. They have that, one day I'll be that.

Tommy: Yeah, right. So you have a destination, right?

Josh: You live in that one day. It's like, it's almost like, uh, was it Tony, Tony Nash, who owns Booktopia, very successful CEO, was saying about that, that, that even that wording of, I'll one day be there, because you're then giving power to where you currently are. And then some people like to get out, getting out of this current situation is uncomfortable.

Kristie: Yeah, totally.

Josh: So you then like, you stay in the uncomfortable, you stay in the comfortable over here. I'm not there yet. And so I mean, it's all just wording in the mind, but you're being peaceful with having something not, you know, you losing the job or whatever it is. It's like you then have to make peace with that and it makes more sense as to what it all meant anyway.

Kristie: I guess it's like finding a middle ground between like like, because I think, you know, when everybody's like, oh, be present here, be okay with what, you know, like, and there was so much of that overseas. And I think sometimes there is a bit of spiritual ego with people, you know. I'm a bit like, I understand Prasanna, there's been a bit of it, it's a bit wanky, you know, like, so I take everything with a kind of grain of salt. So I think sometimes you can go too far either way. You can go too far in being okay with the present because I think it's also good to, to have a bit of an idea of, of where you're going and what you'd like to achieve and ambition and, you know, like all kind of stuff. But I think, um, I was too— way too far living in the future. I think most of my— probably up until the last year and a half, maybe 2 years— my entire life was based on where I will be here, when I'll be happy, when I have this, when I figured out what I do, when I get back to, you know, when the Telstra bill gets paid. All of that, all of that. And I think I think I didn't realise it at the time because everyone is ever— that's how we live our lives, isn't it? It's like, you know, we'll have time to do that project later. I'll get back to singing then. I'll sort out—

Josh: leave this in this perpetual state of like, like, neat, like, or not enough as well, but like the struggle, right? It's like we thrive on some form of a struggle. And if we're going a year away, I'll be there. But right now, oh, I need to fucking get through this. And then it's like a carrot out on a stick. You know, like it moves, it doesn't get any closer. And so you're in the struggle, which we're weirdos because it's like it almost inspires us to move forward or it does get us forward. It's a bizarre thing.

Kristie: I think having a bit of column A, a bit of column B so that you're like, all right, you're accepting of the struggle. And that's how I feel now. There's so many lessons, like even things that I'm like, oh, what a drainer. Like even things like like, I mean, I love my mum and, but I mean, if I had—

Josh: you can call it—

Kristie: if I had an ability to be like, oh yeah, I'll just go rent in this sick suburb with my mate, you know, I'd probably choose that. But I don't.

Tommy: Yeah.

Kristie: And part of me is like, you know, you could sit in that and be like, oh my, you really be in your head about it. But then at the same time, I'm also seeing the lessons that are there in it, which is I moved away when I was 20. So I'm not saying I'm making up for lost time. But at the same time, I've had a complex relationship with my mum, you know, like most mother-daughter relationships, or most, you know, people with their parents. And having time to really like nail down and work on that whilst in the moment there are sometimes I'm like, navigating this is tricky and it sucks. I also have that ability to kind of zone— I always like in my mind's eye picture like, um, like a bird's eye view, like kind of going up and like looking and from being above. And I'm like, this is a pretty stunning opportunity and a pretty cool time in life to work on this relationship with Mum or to work on, you know, whatever it might be, or, you know, have this space, you know, even on this trip to figure out who I am and where I want to go. Like, that's a gift, like, to have that space to be aware, you know, that there is space. Like, that in itself is pretty cool. So I think there's that element of being like in the struggle and like, I don't want to be living with my mum when I'm 40, but at the same time, I'm accepting that there is shit here that I need to learn that I wouldn't otherwise be learning.

Tommy: Do you fall into habits from when you're a kid when you live with your mum?

Kristie: Um, yeah, I think my mom— well, my mom is like a neat freak, like to the point where like she used to, um, iron our bed sheets when she made the bed when we were younger.

Tommy: I appreciate that.

Kristie: Yeah, which is amazing.

Josh: Like a hotel.

Kristie: And, and there are heaps of things that I like, I notice myself doing now, like pretty OCD with all this kind of stuff. So like, I'm— I find myself. Yeah. When I was a kid, like, I remember we'd be, you know, 18 and you're like, you know, drinking your Smirnoff Double Blacks, waiting for, you know, the cabs beeping out the front at 11:30. And I remember friends of mine that knew my mother and they were just like, now we've got to leave no trace of human life, you know, like, you know, wipe down the bench, there's bronzer. So I find myself trying to like, trying to appease that element. Maybe I don't know. I don't know. Maybe there's an element of me being like, maybe there's some subconscious thing where I'm like, I shouldn't be here. So I have to pretend I'm not. I don't know. Yeah. But I think certainly, yeah, without, I can't think of any other ones. Maybe I'm so woke after my Central American trip.

Josh: Or they're showing brain that it's just, you're still opening the fridge looking, mom, what's in here? That kind of shit. Like it's an instant habit. Like me go to the fridge at my parents' place.

Tommy: Like all that. What have they got in there? Really?

Josh: It's got healthier and healthier. It's fucking annoying because I wanted to blow out there. Yeah, I just want shit. Used to have juice as a kid, you know, like, yeah, and I'm doing juice.

Tommy: That's what got you excited?

Josh: Yeah, well, I mean, I'm just one thing. What was in your fridge, fatty?

Tommy: There was a lot. Like, Mum had— the funny thing is, what was that?

Kristie: That was my throat. That was literally my— that was a throat. Well, the thing is, hang on, I actually do need a bit You can do it.

Tommy: You can do it.

Kristie: Hang on.

Tommy: Sorry. I get like, especially in the morning, the stomach grumbly sort of shit.

Josh: You're just hungry?

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah.

Josh: Okay.

Kristie: Are you on the intermittent fasting bandwagon?

Tommy: Well, I've fucking tried everything.

Josh: Mate, when you forget to eat, people are still calling that intermittent fasting.

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah.

Kristie: Well, I tried it. So the girl I was travelling with, she was like, I just have so much more energy not eating. You know, I was just like, yeah, same. But I was also like, I feel so sick.

Tommy: No, it's— yeah.

Josh: What was your— when you were overseas, how did you get the stomach bug? You were sick for 5 weeks.

Kristie: I was literally sick from day 2 that we were there. Well, we went and had a bender on mezcal and tequila, so that probably didn't help. I was just— I've never been that sick in my life. I've had like intense spine— I've had a spinal fusion, like really.

Josh: You had the surgery?

Kristie: Scoliosis, yeah. So I've got like all these screws and shit in my back, which is a pretty cool party trick.

Tommy: But what's the actual party trick with the screws?

Josh: Unscrews them.

Kristie: Yeah, I'll take them out.

Tommy: I'm gonna drill! Heavy trainies!

Kristie: No, it doesn't even work at it. I thought, I thought it would be quite fun to go through airports and like the beep would go off. It doesn't. But that was a pretty intense pain, as you can imagine, like having a high-impact drill drive through your spine. But this pain was physically worse of this parasite. I just, you know, that I'm seeing from Trainspotting, you know, where he's coming off crack.

Tommy: I don't watch many movies.

Kristie: Oh guys, I never know movies.

Josh: I'm pretty excited about this. It was Heroin.

Kristie: Yeah, yeah. So he's lying there and he's having all of these, like, it's Ewan McGregor, he's having all these like crazy scenes and there's like, it's terrifying. It's all dark and there's snakes and babies crawling on the roof. It was basically that, like, shitty himself as well. Oh, it was just horrific. Like, and the only, the only way I got rid of it was like doing this 5-day water fast because I tried 3 rounds of antibiotics. This lady that had lived there, her name was Fran, it was a friend of a friend. And she'd been there for like 30 years. She said the only way you're going to get rid of it is to starve out the bug. So you can't even have electrolytes, like literally.

Tommy: So fucked up to think that there's a bug just waiting to eat what they need.

Kristie: But that's what it is.

Josh: We all have them. Like everyone has some kind of a parasite inside, but some of them are much worse.

Kristie: So, you know, when we're all—

Tommy: You can buy them online as well.

Kristie: What? Sorry?

Tommy: You can buy them online.

Josh: What, parasites?

Tommy: Yeah. So it's like, it's It's pretty fucked up, but it's like, if you like—

Josh: it's so much weight loss.

Tommy: They're like healthy ones, right? Like, no, no, no, like it's like a weight loss type of thing. So we'll eat like—

Josh: you, you're talking about Skinny Me Tea?

Kristie: That just makes you shit.

Tommy: Same as a parasite. No, so the parasite, like, it's like a worm, tapeworm diet.

Kristie: Yeah, I'm sorry, that is so messed up. That is like 101 eating disorder.

Tommy: Well, that's the whole thing because like I'm I've—

Josh: because I used to be 120 kilos, and so I was like, until he did the parasite.

Tommy: Look at me now. If you hear any noises in my stomach, it's the worms.

Kristie: My insides have been eroded, but apart from that, I'm fairly fit.

Tommy: Fairly fit. No, but that's what, like, the fucked up thing about, like, um, if you had an eating— have you talked about eating stuff?

Kristie: I have. Yeah, I had bulimia. I mean, it's— I mean, it's probably not as, like, you know, in vogue as your fucking worm diet. You know, I did have bulimia, guys.

Tommy: Hashtag Well, no, because I feel like the fucked up part of my mind, the idea of getting like— whenever I've had anything happen, like Bali belly or whatever, it's like there's a part of me that's like, I'm gonna be fucking— I'm gonna walk away lean from this experience. It's fucked up.

Kristie: It's a bad headspace to be in. Yeah, bro.

Tommy: But did you find like— did you find like— is there any vanity stuff in that stuff, or any, um, stuff that you realise from a psychological point of view?

Josh: What you want to do is not be shitting water.

Tommy: I thought, yeah, maybe it's pro— maybe I didn't have it bad enough.

Josh: Let's buy him a worm and see what he— how he fucking—

Tommy: I know it's fucked up, but no, I'm curious.

Kristie: I get what you mean because everybody's like, look at the positive. It's like, you know, like, that's not, you know, everybody would get sick and pretend that they're not kind of, you know, you know, like really frothy on the fact that they've lost 2 kgs. But let's face it, most, a lot of people are. For me, it wasn't because I think my face went real thin. And it didn't look cute. So in short, no.

Josh: And so, uh, 5 weeks, and you starved the bug for 5 days?

Kristie: 5 days. And it was horrific. Yeah, like even just to roll over, to, um, roll over on the pillow, it would take like probably half an hour of like convincing myself like mentally to be able to roll over. And then you add on the layer of like fear because you're really far away from home, and I wondered whether I was doing the right anything, you know, because then I've got, you know, Dad, you know, messaging me going, are you sure? You need to get to a hospital, you know, like you need to get, you know, some kind of nutrients or electrolytes in you. And I'm like, well, Fran said not to, you know. You just kind of cling to anything. I had heaps of nudes on this fucking arfella.

Josh: Was Fran a local?

Kristie: Oh, she was in New Zealand. So it was actually Sophie, the girl I was travelling with. It was her Nana's friend. So anyway, this is this weird connection. She went over in the, like, what would have been the '70s to Mexico? And she was, yeah, into Mexico. And she was loaded. Apparently she was in the art scene and she went to buy, she bought this huge amount of land in Mexico and she was going to put a film studio on it. And then something happened and she turned it into this, um, what's essentially like, uh, what are those like, um, new suburbs called?

Josh: Like in a housing estate?

Kristie: Yeah, it was actually, it was made at a housing estate. So we rock up and Soph goes, oh, I've got this like weird, like relatives, like friend or whatever that lives there. And she said we can stay in at her place for free for however long we want. And I was like, that's brilliant. How great. So we rock up at the address in an Uber and we rock up. There's these like big golden gates and there's this security guard. And we said, oh, we're looking for Fran. Where's Fran's house? And he's like, Fran owns this entire place. We were like, oh, what? Like, hit the jackpot. So this, she said—

Josh: Is Fran part of the cartel? What's she running?

Tommy: Golden Gates?

Kristie: She said she had this bungalow at the back. In fact, it was, it could have been something out of Grand Designs. This is the little shitbox that we were staying in and you should have seen her place. So it was like, and that's what I mean about #TrustingTheUniverse, because here I was so sick and we've been in these manky hostels and, you know, vomiting and diarrhea. Like, there was one point I thought I was on the floor of a Mexican hostel bathroom, and that is for nobody. Like, yeah, like just a bathroom in general, let alone a Mexican hostel bathroom. And I thought I was going to die at that point. And like genuinely, I was like, I think this is it.

Tommy: What do you do when you think you're going to die? Check Instagram.

Kristie: I actually at one point did try and crawl on my hands and knees up to the staircase where Sophie was sleeping because I was like, I genuinely was like, I'm gonna, this is it. I wanna say goodbye and it's not gonna be cute. I think I had my pants down as well. 'Cause you know when it's like, you know how people say it's coming out both ends, haha, and have a bit of a joke. But there was one point where it actually was and I was just like.

Tommy: Is there blood? Is there blood?

Kristie: That's a dark question. I know we're talking about dying on the toilet floor, but blood stepping over the line.

Tommy: No, 'cause my mate lost his, the insides of his stomach. Through food poisoning in East Timor. Yeah, he reckons that's why he's got like IBS now because they like, he went back to Sydney after, like he ate some meat and it was bad.

Josh: And then how do you feel now?

Kristie: Yeah, crazy.

Josh: Months and months. How many months ago was that?

Kristie: That was at the beginning. It was like 9 months ago now.

Josh: Oh wow. But anyway, and then you say you weather that storm and you continued to trek on.

Kristie: Yeah, bounce back, guys.

Josh: Fucking trooper.

Kristie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, yeah, back on the horse.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And did you get it? You got another phone and obviously.

Kristie: Yeah, the phone I've got now, I bought off Facebook Marketplace in one of the most corrupt areas of the world.

Josh: It was stolen.

Kristie: It was definitely stolen. Or there was— I actually did take the case off to make sure there was no, like, you know, drugs hiding in the back or something. And I was like, genuinely, because I was like, yeah, but I kind of was also trusting my gut of the guy that I bought it from because he was like, admit it, your gut was on the floor. There was no gut to speak of. And the gut that remained, I was drinking drinking heaps of tequila, so I damaged it. But he was actually a missionary, this guy. Wow. And I just got a good vibe from him through Facebook Messenger.

Tommy: And he said, no one ever.

Kristie: But he was like, meet me at this shopping center. And I was like, fair play, because I don't want to go to his house, or you know what I mean? And he was like, I think that'd be like a safe for both you and I. And I was just like, yeah, you know. And he said the words my wife, my wife, you know. So I was just like, I'm getting a good read off this guy. And my card because I'd been robbed. So the travel money card I had wasn't in the right currency or there's some bullshit I can't remember because life admin, not a strong point. So anyway, I couldn't pay him for the phone and he had to go to meet these other missionaries that were arriving to— where were we? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. Costa Rica or something. And I was like, I'm so sorry if you need to go. And he was like, I feel like my mission from God right now is to help you. And that's when I knew I was like, my life's falling apart. I've got this guy that's like, there's all these people I have to meet, but your fuck-up of a life is more important to me to fix.

Tommy: There's a photo of you on his free jewellery sponsorship. So he takes the goat off and he puts you on.

Kristie: Honestly, yeah, there aren't Heaps of times, like even still now, I'm like, what am I doing with my life? There's heaps of times like that. But I feel like, I don't know, I feel like life and like success and happiness can be measured on so many different scales, you know what I mean? So like from the outer, like there are so many people and we do it like even when we know it's not the case, we still see it like, oh man, you're killing it. You know, like whether it's from a work perspective, a relationship status, a, you know, a money perspective, whatever, um, that we just, you know, society values things in a particular way, you know what I mean? And then you could be ticking all those boxes and be fucking miserable. And there was a time in my life where I was. So I think I've always got that side where I'm like, I don't want to get back to this soulless kind of on this trajectory where you're not really conscious and thinking about stuff. You just kind of offered the next job with a bit more money, so you move there and you kind kind of know this person and they know you. So you stay in the relationship and you're relatively happy and you don't really know much different. So I feel like, I feel in a lot of ways that has been a real blessing because I know what the other side of that is. You know what I mean? Having all of those like, killing it, girl, yas. But then on the inside I was like, what does this all mean? You know?

Tommy: Have you watched the Taylor Swift documentary?

Kristie: I have. What'd you think? Yeah, I watched it on the flight back actually. Yeah, I liked it. There were some elements of it that I thought was like quite overproduced. But I think overall is an awesome message. And I think, I think it's also a bit of an insight into something that the general public will never really understand. And that is growing up in this circus of being somebody where people are watching their every move and scrutinising somebody and like judging every— like, I don't think us three will ever really understand.

Tommy: Speak for yourself.

Kristie: What a day to—

Tommy: You should see where we're headed.

Kristie: But like, but growing up up in that. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? I was talking to Mum about it because that, um, who was it? I think they were talking about that Corey— what's his name? Is that 97?

Tommy: Worthington?

Josh: No, the guy that's just come out.

Kristie: We're talking about famous people.

Josh: Corey, the guy recently came out, Fessner or whatever. He was talking about some, some kind of sexual assault.

Kristie: And I was talking, I think it was Mum, maybe.

Tommy: So are you quoting A Current Affair? Because I feel like when I was was staying at my parents'.

Josh: She's quoting news.com.au.

Kristie: No, he was 100% on A Current Affair. You're on the money.

Josh: This guy actually fairly, he came out and said, I'm going to say somebody who's been worse than Harvey. That's right. Everybody in the world is going to know this person.

Kristie: He said there were lots of child stars that were in these like child paedophile kind of sex rings. And I'm going to, but there were a lot of scrutiny around like, is he actually telling the truth and blah blah. Do you know what his name is?

Josh: Corey somebody. He named Charlie Sheen as the person. Oh, really? Yeah.

Kristie: Anyway, so there are a lot of people going, is it true? Is it not? But basically I forgot. Corey Fieldman.

Josh: He's on a bunch of shows that were earlier than our generation.

Kristie: Like it was The Goonies and shit he was in. Yeah, yeah.

Josh: But the boomers got around it.

Kristie: But we will never, but we will never know what that's like. I don't think.

Josh: That's a different existence.

Kristie: You can kind of be like, oh yeah, I can write shit.

Josh: That'd be a lot of pressure.

Kristie: 'Wow, it'd be weird not to be able to go to the supermarket, wouldn't it?' But, or like, for people to like say, 'Oh wow, has she gained weight or has she lost weight?' You know, and commenting on that. Like, there's part of us, I think, that can cognitively go, 'Oh, that'd suck sometimes, but like, it'd be pretty lit in others.' But then I think the actuality of that would— I just don't think we can ever really comprehend what that would be like. And I think it gave a bit of an insight into such a small— like, half the documentary was about whether or not to put the tweet out, you know what I mean? Like, how many characters she's got to, you know, say a particular message. And I'm not taking away from that because she has such an incredibly powerful voice, and it was at a time in US politics that it was even more powerful than ever before, right? But I just— I came away from that and I was like, the pressure. And, and half of this documentary is about whether to press publish on a tweet. And that in itself, like, she I think she's demonstrating how removed from society and reality she is because that is like a 12 to 18 month decision for her, you know. And it really gave me an insight into how sick our society is in a lot of ways. The way that we're like, we create that because we're all obsessed with particular people and we want to know the ins and outs and we all need to like— and I'm totally— I say that and I'm like, I'm a sicko myself because I'm a part of it, you know, like But it's a weird life. It's a weird existence.

Josh: You could say, like, with what's happening now, whether coronavirus is as bad as we think, it's spreading, but it's like, it is our fault as a society that has just been frothing over Facebook and like, yeah, it's gone viral. Yeah, all that shit. Like, that is why the economy is going to fall apart.

Kristie: Mum said to me last night, she goes, I've lost $15,000 on my super. Super, you know, 'cause I was also like, well, I mean, what does this—

Josh: You've been living off her super though.

Kristie: I was like, what does this really affect? You know what I mean? I'm not flying to Italy anytime soon. I might get a bit of a, you know, and I had a mate that works on the infectious diseases ward at the Alfred and they were like, they're not taking away from the fact that this is incredibly serious and, you know, we should all be mindful and all this. So please don't, you know, think I'm sitting here like coughing over everybody for lols. But that she was also like, the only people that are dying from this are people that die from the influenza virus, you know, it's similar in the sense that it's the elderly, it's, you know, it's the vulnerable, you know, like young children and babies and all that kind of stuff. So like, I was also like, what is this actually affecting? Like, I'm not saying it's not, but then on a hard scale for me personally, I'm like, what's it affecting? And then, but then when Mum was like, the arse has fallen out of my super, I'm like, oh wow, like in real life hard terms, like that actually is pretty heckers.

Josh: Well, think about the flow-on from events, businesses. Speaking to a friend yesterday that does speaking for a living to big corporate company, and half the events until May have been cancelled. And so Sebs has lost $2,000 on his investments. Yeah, uh, just share market. How do you think about just cafe— like, it is, it's the flow-on that we don't know. And so whether it's built off hype, like, you can build a career out of hype and not really have much on the other side, but it still means you can still build a career.

Tommy: Is building a career on hype.

Josh: It is definitely— there's high impact based on hype as well.

Tommy: I think part of the problem is because we've hyped everything, it's like the boy who cries wolf. Is that the thing? Boy that cries wolf?

Kristie: The boy who cried wolf.

Tommy: Yeah, cried wolf. Because the idea was that he said wolf too many times in a line and the wolf wasn't there.

Kristie: And then the wolf ate him, I'm pretty sure.

Tommy: It's a bit like that. Like, where—

Josh: who's the boy boy.

Kristie: Yeah, let's break this. Can we break this down for a moment?

Tommy: I think it's, uh, it's, uh, social media. It's every— everything is like, okay, like in that whole fake news book, like all these different elements. Everything is hyped, everything seems extreme, everything seems important. And so then when something potentially that is important comes along, we're like, oh, hang on, is this important or is this just another one of these other things?

Kristie: I'm still confused who the wolf is.

Tommy: Yeah, the wolf is— no, that's a great question. The wolf is thing. Like, coronavirus is the wolf.

Kristie: Yes.

Tommy: Yeah, I think.

Josh: And the boy is social media.

Kristie: The boy is all of it. The little boy is inside all of us.

Tommy: All right, I wouldn't have said that, but yes. Um, what's your, um, what's your 5-year strategy? What's your relationship with social media, especially after going away and documenting.

Kristie: Oh, I'm addicted to it like everybody else. And as much as, you know, you can work on yourself and be woke and like go to Central America and think that you're some kind of, you know, spiritual leader, which a lot of people do, you know what I mean? Like there are a lot of compass tattoos. I saw compass tattoos.

Josh: In the really thin tattoo. Yeah.

Tommy: This is the only line And I, you know, it's always like line, like tattoos.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: And I feel like, yeah, like it's all like the line drawing and they're like, yeah, I was very lucky to get in. They're like normally booked out for 6 years.

Kristie: Yeah, that's right. It's kind of like goes in the same pocket of, yeah, people that drink cold drip coffee, I think. And, you know, like telling people about podcasts that they need to listen to. There's every white person ever. But I think that I think, I don't know, there were moments where I was like, needed to get off it and I recognised it. But I think there are other times—

Josh: Well, you didn't, the guy who stole your phone did.

Kristie: Because I was so bad with life admin and tech, I didn't know my passwords to anything. And I didn't have, what's that one where you can, oh, Find My iPhone. Yeah, didn't have that activated, didn't have any of that shit. So like, the person would have had access to all my shit. Shit.

Tommy: So you had a passcode on it though? Nah.

Josh: Oh no, no, no. You have to have.

Kristie: Yeah, no, it was all zeros.

Tommy: And that's— he wouldn't have gotten—

Kristie: my laptop password is Apple. I'm like super secure, but it's a Windows computer, so it's confusing as fuck. This is really— I'm just going to jump— this is like a random digression, but I like that.

Tommy: I did the coffee bit. If you guys hadn't berated me for 5 minutes, I was uncomfortable people about mentioning Taylor Swift because I'm like, is it enough?

Kristie: I don't know, I don't overthink that. Um, someone sent me an Insta DM, um, 2 days ago, something, with a screenshot, and they said someone's pretending to be you on Tinder.

Tommy: You're like, nah, love, that's me.

Kristie: Yeah, legit, somebody has taken like screenshots of my photos from Instagram and then put them on Tinder and said they're 33 and their name's Cleo. 'Yo.' And they live in, I don't know where it was, like Warren died or something. Oh really?

Tommy: Yeah. They're also living at their mum's house.

Josh: Do you think it's, do you think they're actually just pretending to be you and then trolling, catfishing, or they're actually, it's some kind of like trying to use your identity to get it?

Kristie: Well, no, because they didn't use my name. They didn't use my, but I was just like, this is, it's just a weird world that we live in. You know what I mean? Like that is just a foreign concept. Even a couple of years ago that you would take screenshots of a real life person person. Like, why would I take screenshots of my phone and not like someone hotter or like more famous? I don't know. Yeah, it's—

Tommy: yeah, well, the more hotter thing, I think it makes sense because like you, you want it to look realistic.

Kristie: Oh fuck, that's so offensive. Are you trying to— no, but if you're saying that's the girl next door line, you know, people like, she's the girl next door. I'm like, she's hot but still a bit ugly. Is that what you're saying?

Tommy: No, but I think that they're like, if all catfish participants look like models.

Kristie: You wouldn't—

Tommy: like, the whole idea of a catfish is it's like, oh, that person's like— this could be all right.

Kristie: I'm still offended. I'm still offended.

Josh: I mean, how was your peyote experience?

Kristie: Incredible. So peyote— peyote, it was like mesalan, which is like part of a, a cactus. And I think there are a lot of people that, like, the same people that, that quote Joe Rogan like more than twice in a single conversation, which is also me, I think. I'm also, also a white male, like the typical kind of woke in my 30s. Yeah, actually, to be honest. So I feel like there are a lot of people that like ayahuasca is like a massive buzzword and like, and so it kind of should be like people looking into it, you know, beyond like Joe Rogan talking about it because it's fucking fascinating. Like anybody that's a tiny bit intrigued about the way the human brain works or, you know, DMT and kind of like being curious into the way things kind of work, which I certainly am. So for years I've kind of like gone down the rabbit hole of like listening to different podcasts and reading articles and that kind of stuff because I'm like, fascinating. But I was also terrified because I was like, I think I have the kind of brain that I was like, I would not come back from that. Yeah, it would really get like— I know myself.

Tommy: You shit your pants on on that one?

Josh: I don't know.

Kristie: Yeah, it is. I watched it on that Chelsea Handler did a special, remember?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kristie: And she's—

Josh: yeah, vomiting for sure.

Kristie: Vomiting, but shitting themselves. They're, they're, um, what do you call it? They're the person that leads the ceremony. Shaman. The shaman.

Josh: Yeah, shaman.

Kristie: Shaz shadows out.

Josh: And so, so what happened? You— because I remember I watched your Instagram storeys where you're like talking about—

Kristie: yeah, yeah. So anyway, someone's described— so I wanted that kind of mind-bending opening, like heart-cracking open experience, but I was also terrified of what I would see, I think, because I know that it unleashes not just fantasies and scary things, but also like real legitimate fears, which is why I think people find it so terrifying, right? So someone described the difference between peyote and ayahuasca to me, which was ayahuasca is kind of like this harsh, you need to fucking see this and it's in your face and it's this truth and you need to accept it. Whereas—

Josh: Bit like a current affair.

Kristie: Basically Tracy Grimshaw.

Josh: Like, yeah, Tracy doing ayahuasca, all the shit that would come to her from all the storeys she does.

Kristie: Seriously, I'd watch that. Yeah, it's Tracy Grimshaw with doing 100 lines. But then, but then peyote is kind of like an arm around the shoulder where it's like, hey friend, like, let's have a wander over here. I'm going to show you this thing. And it's the same thing, but like, so you're going to see the truth and there's some hard things you need to learn.

Tommy: But it's Four Corners. I think they do.

Josh: ABC.

Kristie: But it's basically Four Corners after a few joints. We're like, hey bro, come over here. So, um, I, I don't— do you want like the logistics?

Josh: So you sit here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kristie: Because I was intrigued about, okay, well, I know what it does to your brain, but like, what does it look like? How long am I sitting? Like, where do I pee? Like, the logistics of like— so anyway, I went to this yoga class and they said there's this ceremony here tomorrow, and I was like, I'm not going to seek it out. If it comes to— I'm not going to get on Google or whatever because I feel like that's where you end up in, that's where you end up in trouble in Central America looking for drugs on Google.

Tommy: And so what did your experience— what had your experience been prior to this in regards to like trying different— have you tried a bunch of different stuff before?

Kristie: Nah, not at all. Like I did mushrooms once and I cried and that was basically it really. I'm not a real drugs person to be honest.

Josh: And if you identified with it, I'd be worried if anyone was identify. Maybe if you just smoked a lot of pot, you'd— but then it becomes normal.

Kristie: Like, it's not even me. Like, I'm not a pot— doesn't— I just feel tired and I'm like, that's not fun for me.

Tommy: I'm a big drug guy.

Josh: I love it.

Tommy: Yeah, all of them. All the pills, all of the stuff.

Kristie: But I'm to the point I don't even know what drugs are. So I'd go to a music festival and people like, do you want the D, the MDs? I'm like, give me one of these. I don't know. So anyway, so I was of the thinking that I was like, if it comes comes up and I'm curious enough, I'll ask questions and whatever. So I went to this yoga class. I said, I'm just going to talk fast so I can just get this over with because I'm bored of the logistics. Okay, is that okay?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go quick.

Kristie: Anyway, in this class she's like, we're having this ceremony. And I was like, sick. Um, book. So I booked myself in, I went there.

Tommy: It slowed down.

Kristie: How much did you pay? And it was— I hope my mum doesn't listen to this, but it I was like, $2,500? Nah, what was it? I think it was $200 US. It was pretty expensive. I was like, but I was also like, I just had this feeling where I was like, I'm going to be worth it. Yeah, I'm going to be worth it.

Tommy: It's going to be worth it.

Kristie: It'll be worth it.

Josh: Well, the yoga teacher's a great salesperson.

Tommy: Yeah. Anyway, it's only 3 Telstra bills, 3 months.

Kristie: Went back there that night. You sit around. So it's the Huichol people. They're these like ancient tribe of Mexicans that wear these like wear these big hats with all these colourful corks around them. It's kind of like a trippy Crocodile Dundee. There's this big circle of about, say, like, it was probably about 50 people. It was the first moon of the entire decade, of the century, the decade, whatever. The first moon of January. So I was like, this feels like a really good time to kind of, I wanted one of those. 'Cause I was also soul-seeking where I was like, what am I doing and where am I going? Going. And, you know, not that I'm finding— I'm seeking answers to things here, but I'm intrigued. Sure. Like a person that reads star signs that doesn't, you know, like isn't reading too much into it.

Tommy: Do you have Co-Star on your phone?

Kristie: What's that?

Josh: Uh, she's struggling to pay a bill.

Tommy: It's free, you know, just some dumb stuff.

Kristie: Screenshot the Aquarius every month and send it. Oh, I'd be appreciated. But anyway, there's this big, uh, group, other circle of hippies sitting around. There's this massive fire in the middle, right? Um, and then they explained to you that you sit from 7:30 at night right through until midday the next day. So they ask you not to sleep because you won't get the full effect of the plant medicine. 'Cause I was calling it a drug and people are like, no, no, they corrected me. They're like, it's not a drug, it's a medicine. It's a plant medicine, which was used by these people for centuries to awaken their consciousness and open their third eye and have these crazy experiences that they then put into their art, which I'll let them.

Tommy: Were you worried about your back sitting up for that long?

Kristie: Um, no, it's a long time.

Tommy: I'd be like, fucking, like, Josh, okay, it's like my back's fucking killing me.

Kristie: Weirdly took my laptop there, like, and I was— because I didn't trust to leave it in the hostel. So there was one point I was tripping balls, leaning back on the bag with my laptop in it, and I kind of came to and I was like, shit, the most expensive item I own is about to be crushed.

Josh: How did you have it? They— I mean, it's a cactus form. They cook it or something.

Kristie: It's in a drink, so, um, it's disgusting. It makes you like want to dry reach. But you— so anyway, they sing these like songs, these— like this, and they have this shaker, and it's kind of— you keep having these, these moments where you go out of your, your body, you know, into real life mind where your mind's talking. And I'm like, this is is fucking weird.

Tommy: Sharing a jug? Like, is everyone using the same cup to drink out of?

Kristie: I've got coronavirus, if that's what you're asking.

Tommy: Is it like a shit? Like, I can imagine like a tribal thing.

Kristie: Yeah, it is. It's like this. So they like spoon it into and you have a cup. So anyway, you're praying to Abuelo, which in Spanish means fire, or Godfather Fire. You're only allowed to walk around the fire one way, and you're going to the fire and people are making sacrifices and offerings. So you go in and—

Tommy: I want my laptop.

Kristie: I was holding on to that pretty tight. I am. You give one thing to the fire that you want to let go of and then you ask for one thing. And for me, I was like, I want to let go of fear and I want to bring in trust. So you go around, you have your cup, which is like really thick. It's almost like this green powder. It's kind of like matcha. It's really similar, the texture. And so you kind of like gulping it down and it's horrific and it makes some people vomit. A chick was vomiting.

Tommy: And you're looking around at the people like, what sort of— what was the crowd like? Oh, hippie as. Yeah.

Kristie: Really hippie. Like, here I am in my Lorna Janes and people are just like in tie-dye, etc. I definitely didn't fit in from a visual perspective.

Josh: Any hostel banter? Where you're from? How long you've been traveling?

Kristie: Yeah, there's a bit of that in the beginning, actually. Like, people are laying out their crystals and it's a nervous tick for travelers.

Josh: It's like, where have you been? What have you done?

Kristie: Yeah, because I was scared as shit when I sat down. I was like, I don't think I've really thought much about it because I booked it that day. And someone I'd spoke to on the way there, they said, have you read up about it? Do you know what it really does? Do you know what it is? And I said, No, I actually have— I've not read a single thing about it, but I kind of liked that because I was like, I'm going to terrify myself or go in with the preconceived idea about— I think that's also a fear that, like, a hole that we get ourselves in. I'm going to go on this trip and find myself, or I'm going to go and take this plant medicine and realise what my true calling is in life. I was like, I just want to go in open.

Tommy: Yeah, which I just imagine you on your laptop on radio Why Radio Today? As you're just like, just high. That's fun.

Kristie: Why Radio Today?

Tommy: I love this idea that like, you know, the trauma element of it. Reading the comments.

Kristie: I want to open up my third eye and then like, yeah, I was going to make an ass joke, but I probably won't because that's a bit dark.

Josh: And so you drink it. How quick does it hit you? How quick do you feel different?

Kristie: I was sitting around and I felt almost like that first time you drink alcohol. I feel different, guys. Am I feeling this? No, I'm not feeling it. Am I convincing myself that I'm feeling it, or am I actually tripping? And I actually think— feel like I was feeling nothing. And it can take a couple of goes. And I actually had 3 cups, which is— afterwards I spoke to one of the girls and they said, oh my God, it was really strong. And I said, oh, how much did you have? She said, I couldn't even finish the first cup. And I had 3, which, um, you keep getting up, and if if you, they kind of are like, not ring the bell, but it's kind of like time to stand up, say. And in between you're kind of like lying there, kind of tripping, you're in and out of consciousness. And I stood up and I was like, I still feel like I want more. And after the second cup, I still was like coming in and out of like a thinking mind where I was just like commenting on things where I was like, maybe, so I had a third cup sat there. And long storey short, the voice that I kept hearing was my grandpa. His name was Alan. They used to call him Poppy Alan. He died when my mum was 14, so I never actually met him. And I don't know how, and I've spoken to people that are quite cynical about, you know, like family members and shit. They're like, well, how'd you know it was him? How do you know his voice sounds like, or did you see him? And I was just like, I just am so sure that I don't even need to explain it to a point where it convinces you. Like I know it was. And so the voice that I kept hearing and of that letting go of fear and bringing in trust, it was like this really gentle, soft, masculine, kind of safe presence that he was laughing and he was just like, you've just got them around the wrong way. He's like, you've got to trust the fear. And I was like, oh, okay, I get, you know. And I was scrolling down notes when I was tripping balls because it was also, it was, it was scary. I was scared because I was on my, I was on my own. I, I kept coming out thinking the person next to me was a guy that I'd been dating. Um, so I I felt, 'cause he was like kind of looking after me. He kept patting me on the shoulder and being like, "Are you good?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah." And I kept coming in and out and thinking it was him and then realising that it wasn't. And the fact that I was alone, I think was also maybe a fear of mine. So it was really scary. But I think that was such an insight and such a, like a big takeaway for me that I, yeah, it's so simple that you can go to somebody, or you could read that in a quote quote book anywhere. Like, trust the fear, great. I've probably heard that a million times in a podcast. I've probably, you know, read that in some kind of Oprah quote, or, you know, by Gabby Bernstein, brilliant. Like, did I really need to go through that process to have that instilled in me? But I think I did. And I think everybody goes through things in their own way to learn things when they need to, how they need to. And it felt, it felt like, I don't know, it felt like something that like it's stuck. I can't go back from unseeing or hearing that.

Tommy: Do you want to travel more or are you in the state of wanting to like set up roots?

Kristie: Nah, I want to travel. Yeah, I feel really called to go to London. Yeah, so I'll probably do that.

Tommy: Oh yeah, great.

Josh: Yeah, you can get 2 years, can't you?

Kristie: I was going to say cheap flights as well.

Josh: You've just turned 30, can't you do it?

Kristie: Yeah, you can.

Josh: As you're 30.

Kristie: Till you're 31. Yeah.

Josh: Get 2 years into.

Kristie: I feel often like I've lived my youth in reverse. I feel like I had my, you know, proverbial shit a lot more figured out at 24 than I do at, you know, like 30. Like, from, I don't think internally and spiritually knowing myself and all that kind of stuff, because I think in a lot of ways I'm more in tune and in touch with, you know, like what lights me up and why I'm actually supposed to be here, etc., etc. But I do feel like, I do feel the pressure, like, and all my mates are turning 30 and you know, going to their birthdays and things, I do feel a bit out of it. I do feel everybody, and in Melbourne, because this is home, we grew up here. So a lot of my mates in Sydney are kind of like, you know, not taking shit from guys and not settling for people that they don't kind of know they deserve and kind of really working on themselves and focusing on their career. So that, you know, like I was saying before, that didn't, that just felt like my normality. But then coming back to Melbourne and being in that like mass marriage, baby, mortgage chat, I'm like, I don't really, I know I want all of this. So I almost feel like I've got the corner puzzle piece, but I don't feel like timing-wise, I'm not done. Like I don't feel, and because I know I want all of this in Toosettle here, home where I grew up with my family. And I had that really big realisation overseas. I feel like I almost owe it to myself to be like, okay, well that bit sorted. So you're never gonna go, I'm not going to be as free or have the ability to go and do this little bit before that part. You know what I mean? If I don't have all of those things tying me down, if you're not going to go now, when?

Tommy: Do you feel like you are starting to evangelise or do you, like when you see your mates doing this and you've seen the other option, do you catch yourself giving advice?

Kristie: No, 'cause I'm not one of the, nah. I'm not one of those people that goes to Bali and comes back and gives people spiritual advice on how to find their zen and shit.

Tommy: But I think, So what happens when you're in those situations where you're hearing people talking about mortgages and all that sort of shit and you're like, fuck, you guys have got this the wrong way? Or like, like you don't even think about it?

Kristie: No, I don't think people— I don't think they've got it the wrong way. I honestly think one of my biggest peeves in life are people that speak from a place of experience when they when they don't have experience. And I think with the power of social media, it's a rocky ground. You have to have the ability to discern when to listen to somebody telling you how to fix your life via, you know, a subscription that's going to cost you X amount, you know, like, or this diet plan when you're not a nutrition, but you know, I've got a six-pack and hot pics on Instagram. So like, follow me and adhere to this my app, I just think I have really realised about myself, I am a very curious person. I ask a lot of questions and I will never ever be in a place, that's what I said about the underdog thing, I'll never be in a place in my life where I think I've figured something out or I can speak from a place of knowing. Even when giving advice, I don't even really give people advice. I think it's really important to ask questions questions like, oh, how did that make you feel? Or do you reckon maybe like this could be an interesting take? Like my place— and I always realised that even in radio, or like, you know, when you're on air, you know, it's all about like, what's your character trait? Or, you know, what kind of person are you? I was always there, not the dumbass, but I was always like the, oh, like, you know, and got kind of playing that because it is a very big part of my personality. So I feel feel like on air those character traits are amplified, whatever they may be. And for me, it was always that sense of curiosity and asking questions. And, and I am—

Josh: well, it makes sense to be in society with an understanding of who you are, but then that is also a contributing problem, right? Identifying with who you are, because then it's just—

Tommy: it's multiple truths.

Josh: You're anchoring it into like this, this version of a person, like what you're saying. Yeah, like radio does it very well, like any kind of presenting or acting or anything. A lot of these are like, you need to sort of like understand your core traits and then sort of amplify all that stuff. And so, but there is a, there is a version where it's, it's productive to have some element of understanding of it, but not it being who you are and just like, nah, well, that's the guy I am or the girl I am, you know?

Kristie: Yeah. And I'm not saying that I'm, I play down what I, I think there's certainly been times I have to fit in with whatever, you know, needed to kind of work. Down.

Tommy: Yeah. Where were you going with that? Playing down like your strength, your strengths? Yeah.

Kristie: I think so. Or sometimes like maybe pretending not to know the answer so I can ask the question. You know what I mean? Like I'm not talking about in real life or in relationships or things like that, but like on air, for instance, I'd be like, well, I kind of, I kind of know the answer, but this is going to be interesting because there will be other people that don't know.

Tommy: So, and it's empathy for the audience. Well, that's right.

Kristie: Well, but also I don't know. I always just look at, Um, I mean, look at Oprah. Like, there would be so many, um, like how many she would have had? Thousands upon thousands of conversations with them, with the brightest minds, the most spiritually aware. Like, that bitch would have soaking up a lot in her time, you know what I mean? And you listen to the way that she still crafts her interviews, and she comes from a place of, you're the expert. Tell me. And there are questions that she asks that I'm like, she probably kind of knows the answer, slash would totally know the answer, but there's always more shit to learn. And so I think I will never— and in a personal perspective, in my friendships, relationships, and family, I don't— I will never be that person that's like, well, what you really need to do is be more conscious of the way you— I'm like, fuck that. I actually Actually, yeah, I'm just not about that. I actually find it quite, um, I think it's almost offensive and small-minded when people do.

Tommy: Did you find that, like, I can imagine going through a big life transition like you had gone through, those people come out, like, did you, like, everyone's got like their— everyone puts their two cents in, this is what you needed to do, which is part of like realising just being I'm like, ah, this person's a fucking dirtbag. Like the people who are like, think that they have it all together, the people who are throwing out advice normally are the ones to be worried about. Like, 'cause they're not open-minded.

Kristie: I think yes and no. 'Cause I truly think that there's stuff to learn from everything. So even when you completely disagree from somebody's perspective or their piece of advice, there is still something to learn from that, which is, you know, like discerning why they're giving that piece of feedback because, you know, then it teaches you bit more about that person or that personality, or they're coming from a place of fear. And although they are trying to help, there's something that you can learn about them being worried about you. So that in itself is something to learn, even if the advice or the feedback itself, you're taking zero. The way that they tell you or the body language in which they're telling you, you're like, "Oh, shit. I need to assure this person that I'm okay." That in itself is a brilliant— that is a stunning thing to learn. So no, I'm never someone to bat, you know, advice or feedback or stuff away. I genuinely am like, and I think the best people in life are those people that are like, give it all to me. And then it's up to me to take the bits and pieces that I kind of wanna take and piece it together. And I think that's your job truly as a human to like piece it together and discern, you know, what parts you take, what parts you leave, because I think that builds you to be the person that you are.

Josh: Well, anyone giving advice is using their own experience.

Kristie: That's right.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And so, yeah, I mean, that's where you preface— you can preface, this is what I did, probably not necessarily how you need to do it, with questions as well. It's like my experience plus some questions is a good way to sort of find some answers internally.

Tommy: You were an early adopter when it comes to podcasting with the Thinker Girls. When you look at where things are with podcasting now, now, uh, how do you reconcile it all? Like, from that unique perspective that you're in, where do you see the whole space?

Kristie: How good's our timing? Like, we just started a podcast 9 years ago and everyone's like, what's a podcast? Like, what does that mean? And then the minute everybody's like, podcasts are lit, we're like, yeah, we don't do one. I think we're checked out, guys. So part of me is like, yeah, good timing, you dickheads. But also Even on the way here, Mum's like, I said, I'm going to go do this podcast. Yeah. And she said, oh, these who?

Tommy: These who?

Josh: What?

Kristie: These fucking idiots. No, no. And still she goes, what's that again? I swear to God. I swear. She's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Because there was this line I used to tell her. I'm like, it's a radio show you can listen to when you like. And she goes, wait, wait, wait. I know it's a radio show I can listen to when I like, but how do I do it again? I was just like, have I taught you nothing? How do I reconcile it all? I do really. I really believe in— through a bit of soul searching, I do believe in creativity and storytelling coming through in different ways, you know what I mean? So I think for a really for a really long time. That was such a big part of our lives, you know. And if you were to listen from episode 1 right through to— I don't even know, buddy, what episode we got up to.

Tommy: It was a lot.

Kristie: I was a lot.

Tommy: 97 will tell you. But yeah, you were doing it even like when you were regional.

Kristie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: Like you and Stacy were doing it remote.

Kristie: Yeah, we were. And we did one like one every week for probably over the course of— would have been almost like 8 years or that. I started when I was— we started— I was like 21. I think, and I'm 30 now, so it's a long time. 22, maybe.

Tommy: Was it always that I got the vibe that it was at its core a mechanism to get the radio show?

Kristie: No, no.

Tommy: Was it not seen that way?

Kristie: It was the complete opposite.

Josh: It was like what you said happened.

Tommy: Well, because, yeah, because I remember thinking like, this is going to be its own thing, its own living, breathing thing. But the— I guess where it went with the radio stuff and I think there was like you guys were doing like pitch, like always pitching and doing stuff like that.

Kristie: It was all— it began from like early stages. It was this acceptance that we will never be able to have a radio show that talks about the shit that we want to. So it was quite the opposite. And it was like that in a way, like an anti-radio show. So you'd have all of these like cool thoughts and conversations. You're like, well, this is never going to fly on like Aubrey Radio. Like, so.

Josh: Which makes sense. How often in life does when you when you're focusing on something else, the thing happens like you're not wanting the radio show, but the radio show comes from you.

Tommy: That's right.

Kristie: That's right.

Tommy: So then what needed to change in your mind to then say, you know what, this national radio gig, we could make this work. Did they say, look, you can talk about what you want?

Kristie: It literally was like all the things that you thought you couldn't do on radio. We want all of those things. On radio. So it was the fucking dream come true because it was like, not only— it was like the best of both worlds because not only is there a radio show and when you're like that, that's a dream job. But not only have you got that, you can do the kind of content that you want. So if you've heard— our rule was like, if you've heard it on a show before, we won't touch it. Yeah.

Tommy: And no pineapple on pizza type of deal.

Kristie: Oh, we did that. Oh, there's a bit of commercialism in there, bruh. Are you scruncher or are you folder? Like, I genuinely—

Tommy: Very topical right now.

Kristie: No, it actually is though, isn't it?

Tommy: Have you got enough toilet paper at home?

Kristie: I live at my mum's house. She buys in bulk, so yeah.

Josh: Imagine toilet roll, you know, like uni, like at frat place, you see a house covered in toilet paper.

Tommy: Oh, okay, yeah, sure.

Kristie: They're not doing that now.

Tommy: Yeah, that's expensive.

Kristie: Here's a thought, steal it from restaurants.

Tommy: Oh mate, stayed in an Airbnb where there was a bunch over the weekend.

Kristie: Did you take it?

Tommy: No, I was like, you know what, I made a joke.

Kristie: You know what, I'll wash my ass in the shower, you sure?

Tommy: Wash it in the shower, why not just rinse, you know?

Kristie: Do you honestly?

Tommy: I do not shit in the shower.

Kristie: I did a whole, we did a whole podcast episode on that once.

Tommy: It's called a waffle stump.

Kristie: No, someone, I have heard that's a stompy or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But surely that's going somewhere in the drain, especially if you're a girl with long hair like me. You know how hair gets caught in the drain. There'd be shit particles. Do you clean out the drain from your hair? Not under the drain. How do you get in there?

Josh: I mean, it's usually the next tenant. I've had to clean out a fucking drain based on a woman's hair, like long. Furball.

Kristie: Disgusting.

Tommy: Yeah. And you don't want it— like, if you were a shit-in-the-shower type of person, I mean, is that easily a fear of like, oh geez, the, um, the sink— oh, what is it called? What's the—

Josh: the basin?

Tommy: Yeah, no, no, no, the plug. Yeah, like it's, um, if it was getting all—

Josh: if it's water, if water's pooling up in your sink, usually could— 100% high chance that something's clogging up the drain.

Tommy: That's the word I'm trying. So the thing is, if it get— if the drain gets gets clogged up and you're a shower shitter, straight away you're like, uh-oh. Yeah, no.

Kristie: Yeah.

Tommy: It's like, let's organise a plumber tuck up.

Josh: Gets to me to self-identifying shower shitter.

Tommy: I'm sure that it's a thing.

Josh: I'm sure there is.

Kristie: No, there totally would be.

Josh: What you were talking about though is like not being married to the medium, right? And so podcast.

Kristie: Oh yeah. But that took me a little while to figure out because literally I got my first radio job when I was 20 and then at 28 kind of came out of that bubble, you know, up for air going, well, like what kind of life skills do I have firstly? Spin a good yarn. That's about it. Where's that going to get you, Christie? And then was— I also realised that because I think it's such a demanding kind of medium, and this shouldn't just be contained to radio because I feel like sometimes you listen to radio, you know, people talk about, you know, they think they're the only people in the world where these rules apply to. I think if you've been in any kind of industry for, you know, say the better part of a decade from 20 to almost 30. Yeah.

Josh: Agency PR. Yeah, whatever, whatever it is.

Kristie: You come out of that field and you kind of go, "Oh, shit. Okay, well, what can I do? What do I do?" And I think there was this beautiful realisation for me where I was like, it's not just about being on the radio, it's about using my voice to tell stories. And that can be through writing, that can be through creating content for other people, that can be through singing. And for me, returning to singing was something that I, have really enjoyed because I think I told myself for, yeah, for that entire time that I worked in radio that I was like too busy to do it. And it was that fear thing that I was like, I'll get around to it at some point. And you just kind of get job after job after job and you genuinely have no time for it. So I was able to sit in the fear of, is using that as a bit of a facade. And I think in this society that demands, well, who are you and what do you do? Can you sum it up in a neat little bow for us and chuck it on your Instagram bio? Struggled with that for a while because I'm like, well, I can't put radio presenter, I can't put TV, I can't put writer because I am none of all those things completely, but I am kind of all of them. And I think I really struggled with that. Oh, you know what I realised in dating, in like when I first became single, people, what do you do? It's like a, you know, genuine, like an obviously obvious first question. And, and there were sometimes times I'd be like, oh, um, I don't actually know. And people are just so unsettled by it because it's like, what do you do? And even if you are open and woke and whatever, and even the most— these— I myself, I'm— you, you're still guilty of it. Someone, you know, you'll meet, you know, one person and they could give you 3 different answers. I'm a garbo, I'm a lawyer, or I'm a I'm on the dole or whatever. And naturally you have this unconscious bias towards what they say. Okay, sick. Yep. So I'm going to relate to in this way. So I'm going to pop you in this box because, okay, here's my gear about how, you know, I can relate to you and—

Josh: Yeah, but garbos get paid a shitload. That's what I've heard.

Kristie: So whatever it is, like your society, your societal standing is defined so much these days on what you do for a job because— and I realise not being able to answer when I had previously my entire life been able to answer Oh, what do you do? I work in radio. Oh, cool. Wow. That's, you know, and, and I wasn't able to wow or impress people anymore. And it made me think like, well, who am I out of the constructs of that job? Who am I and what are my skills and, and what else can I offer?

Tommy: So you started a, um, a YouTube channel. Is it Meditations and Margaritas? Yeah. And was there a bit of that where it where it's like this brand or doing this thing gives me a purpose to go over and like, do you eventually get comfortable with like, I actually don't have to fucking be turning this into a job?

Kristie: I think I'm not the kind of person, I'm sure you guys would be the same. Like it's fun to sit on the beach and sip cocktails for like what, 2 weeks, 3 weeks maybe. And then I'm like, my brain's turning to mush. You know, like I need, I think that's the kind of person that I am, that element of like seeing things and being like, "Fuck, that's a great story." Or like, "Oh my God," you know, you meet this person that's over 100 and you just like, the life lessons that they would have, that needs to go somewhere, even if it's like on an Instagram post that I write myself. You know, like I think I get bored really easily, which is like a real blessing and it's a real curse as well. 'cause yeah, my dad was like, you need to pull your finger out. Like, what are you doing? Just focus on one thing and stick to it. I'm like, yeah, fair enough. But like—

Josh: So what is it? How do you reconcile that now? Like what? 'Cause there's a bit of that that's like, yeah, fair enough. But then it's, yeah, you're going through a transition period of working some stuff out. I think what matters to you.

Kristie: I think for me, and that's actually why I went away, I think, 'cause I was just like in Sydney and I was like singing a bit and I was like, had started working on a podcast with another guy and I was like, but I just felt like I was doing it to do it. Yeah. And because it's kind of what I knew how to do and in a lot of ways I missed it. I miss like not, not just radio, but I missed like telling storeys and like servicing that part of that creative part of your brain, you know, that I, I don't know, you used to connect to people and, you know, whatever. And also I think work through your shit in some ways. It's cathartic. It is. It really is. So I think I had so many different meanings and I was like, am I going— and at one point I was like, I'm going to write a musical. And then I was like, I'm going to write a TV show. And then I was like, I'm going to write a book. And then I was like, oh, I'm going to write an album. And I'm just like, just pick one, bro. And I realised that like I couldn't do just one of those and be fulfilled. Like I couldn't put my heart and my soul into spending the next 18 18 months living and breathing a musical that I'm writing, putting my blood, sweat, and tears into. And, and going back to what we're talking about before, the, the, um, you know, the what do we have to show for it at the end. And, and being okay, because I think this is a true sign of whether you really want to do something or not. It's like, would you do this podcast if at the end of it you don't have a radio show? Would you do this job if at the end of it you're not famous and rich? Would you write this musical if at the end of it, you kind of did a few little theatres and that was it. And I was like, I'm not passionate enough. And I, I was scared for a while because I was like, maybe I'm not passionate enough about anything to do it. Like, I'm equally passionate about all of these things but not passionate enough about one just to do it and not have a, um, an outcome. So I was like worried. I was worried about myself because I was like, well, what does that mean? Like, what do I— where do I put energy.

Josh: The thing that you— so if you work out something that you are willing to do with no guarantee about the result, it's going to be a painful thing. Like, yeah, it just makes sense that that equation equals a whole bunch of pain and uncertainty that you have to weigh.

Kristie: That's right.

Josh: And so that— but then there's a high chance of it not working because there's no, there's no promise.

Kristie: And that's what the podcast Think Girls was. Like, there was never any promise of anything, you know, it was was kind of, it was that, it was almost like the anti-promise where it was like, well, fuck you, we're going to go do this over here. And then became something. So I think, I think in a way, so much of a part of my life that there was a passion project that was service where it didn't need to be or do or perform or be anything. And then when it did, I was a bit lost after that. I was like, well, to reconcile, I was like, well, where am I putting? Because I am a hard worker and a hustler and it doesn't, you know, it doesn't necessarily need to be, doesn't need to be an amazing commercial success, but it certainly needs to be a success in my heart where it lights me up and makes me feel fulfilled and gives me purpose. And I had all these meetings with different people and different collabs and nothing really just felt right. So I was like, and that's when Soph and I were talking about, she was going overseas anyway and she's a producer and we worked together. She produced our show actually. She was a radio producer at Kyle Jackio and was a producer on Survivor and had sort of telly and whatever background. But we were also in a really similar life space where we're like, YOLO, you know, let's go and figure some things out. So I did, um, went over and did that just for funsies, really. Like, there was no pressure on it, and there's clearly not because we've got about 18,000 videos that we never fucking, um, edited because we were like, it's more fun to like meet people and go to beach parties, which is kind of what we ended up doing, to be honest.

Josh: We've been trying to get smart, right? Trying to hack finding the thing. Yeah. That we can then do with no promise at the end. It's like, yeah, but then half of the thing, like this podcast, right? We've had heaps of cracks at different shit.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And I thought I'd be down a different path. And it's like Married to the Medium, video being the, you know, and then you find consistency, which is like hyper rewarding within the story. You know, it's all, it's all those things, right? Storytelling, but it's different to what I thought, probably.

Kristie: Yeah, there's this card that, um, in these angel, you know, guidance cards that, um, I don't know, I'm not that much of a hippie, but, oh, maybe I am actually.

Tommy: You shuffle them.

Kristie: Yeah, you shuffle them, and I'm, as I'm holding my crystals and shit that I got blessed at that ceremony, and I'm also wearing nothing but feathers. Um, so I'm sitting there naked in my feathers. No, um, there's this card and in one of the— I can't remember what it is, but they have different meanings, whatever. And one of them is, it's your life's work to figure out— I'm gonna hype, like, uh, what do you call it, paraphrase this— something about like, it's your life's mission to figure out what makes you tick and what lights you up, but it is not life's responsibility to turn that into a job, into a 9-to-5, you know, like, because we're also looking looking around and, and so have this idea that they're both married to each other, you know what I mean? Where it's like your job has to be your passion and your passion is your job, and a hobby is a side hustle. That's right. And, and, and I think there are so many musos that I know that, that were full-time musos that just said, I quit music completely because it totally took any bit of joy or love out of it because I had to then make it a career. I had to do gigs that I didn't want to do. My musical integrity was compromised. And it took the love out of it for me. So that's something I do in a band once a month on a Saturday, and we all have a, a fun jam together. But essentially, coming back from that trip, I've realised that I want to be doing music. So I'm writing, yeah, and collabing with a few different people at the moment. Um, and I'm not saying that's the one and only thing I'll ever do, but I feel like that's where my heart is at the moment, like there.

Tommy: Is there any learning from being on, like doing podcasting and being so honest, like opening up about things that you might not even talk to mates about in just sort of everyday conversation, or everyday conversation. Looking back, how do you sort of see that?

Kristie: Yeah, I think at its core, that was a, I think, and that goes back to what we're talking about when the podcast started, we didn't think anybody was gonna listen to it. So it made it, you know, like it made it easier to like be really open and honest and, you know, talk about really challenging one thing to be in challenging relationships with a best friend if you are 99% sure the best friend will never hear it, you know what I mean? It's another thing to be able to navigate that conversation knowing full and well they probably will, or if it's a conversation with your best friend, you know. So I think in a way that kind of built up a bit of a muscle. It made it this safe space knowing that no person's gonna ever listen to this. And then when it kind of became bigger and more people did start listening, you— I think I had courage and the, um, bravery and the, and the mind that it was, it was a muscle that you kind of are strengthening consistently over. So let's say people start listening after a couple of years. Well, you're just like an open book anyway, so you don't, it doesn't really matter whether people are listening or if they're not. But I think if, if you were to just be handed a show where there are thousands of people listening to it and it was like, all right guys, let's talk about your deepest, darkest secrets and, you know, something that nobody knows about you. There's no way.

Josh: There's no way.

Kristie: Yeah, you would.

Josh: It's not genuine, right?

Kristie: No. So I think a learning in itself, I think it was a learning of how to vocalise and be open about deep, dark things inside of you that you think nobody else harbors. And you might feel like a weirdo to say out loud, and you might, you know, get in trouble talking about the person that eventually hears this. But there was this real a sense of responsibility to consistently be authentic and honest, even when it hurt and it wasn't comfortable. And even if you didn't really— sometimes I didn't really want to, but I was like, this is what we do, and this is what I do, and this is who I am. It's kind of part of my DNA to kind of share all of the parts, not just the shiny ones. So let's hop to it.

Tommy: And so when you finish that, did you feel Do you feel that missing from your life? Like having that sort of structured conversation of honesty and openness?

Kristie: I certainly miss the structure of just in general, just in life. But you should see the schedules I would make for myself. I'd be like, 7 AM, wake up, 7 to 7:15, breakfast. Because I was like, I need to give myself, you know, like that was really important.

Josh: What was after breakfast?

Kristie: A 15-minute poo. I would sit there 15 or 20 minutes.

Tommy: Shower slash shit.

Kristie: How devastating is it when you shower before the shit? No, never happens.

Tommy: Are you joking, Dave?

Josh: Sometimes it comes out a bit bright.

Tommy: Never allow it.

Kristie: I hate that. It's when you get the urge and you're in the shower. Sometimes I'm like, do I jump out wet? Do it, then jump back in. Done it. You just feel so unclean.

Tommy: Yeah, it's revolting. I'm cold on the toilet. Why is the toilet so wet? There's water everywhere. On that note, Chrissy Mercer, thanks for coming on the show.

Kristie: Yeah, go cheque this guy, he's got a poosk. If you don't mind, fellas.

Tommy: Yeah, we're aligned. So you might be in London sometime soon. That could be happening.

Kristie: Anyway, I'll just, I don't have a podcast anymore, so I'll just put like real long-winded posts on my Instagram and share.

Tommy: Yeah, great. I appreciate that.

Kristie: It's working really well for my dating scene.

Tommy: Oh, really?

Kristie: A guy I went out with the other day was like, you share a lot on Instagram and that was it. I was like, yeah, this is going nowhere, isn't it?

Tommy: Perfect. It's a Daily Talk Show, uh, it's, it's closed, the Gronks, the VIP Gronk thing, the stickers. You can't get stickers anymore.

Josh: You'll be getting your stickers soon though, sent on Monday.

Tommy: Yeah, but if you, uh, if you go to thedailytalkshow.com/gronks, you can still sign up and we're doing a bunch of cool shit. What are we doing, Sev? What sort of things?

Josh: Outside again, the stickers. So you missed out on that. Yeah, they will open again, but What else? Oh, well, you're going to be able to come in.

Kristie: We've got a couch here that you can come and join us. We had Wayne for Fat Fridays come and join us.

Josh: So, um, Christy, you can catch the couch to stay on. It's up for you, mate.

Tommy: It doesn't have a fold out.

Kristie: Nah, I'll take it.

Tommy: Great.

Kristie: If I have a blue with my mum, you'll find me knocking on the door. You'll see.

Josh: You'll see. Also, we'll, we'll put out our, um, video of us doing edibles, so yeah, and more stuff to come.

Tommy: Perfect. That's the Daily Talk Show. See you tomorrow, guys.

Josh: See you guys.