First Times With Ash Williams

Ash: The Daily Talk Show.

Josh: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 546, and one of our most ungrateful guests is back, Ash Williams.

Ash: This is my last time.

Josh: No, no, I just got you a coffee and you're not drinking it. But I will say, yeah, the ungratefulness, uh, happened as soon as I walked out the door with the coffee. What did you say to me? I had the coffees in my hand.

Ash: I said, mate, you didn't get me a large.

Josh: It's a monster gets someone a large without asking.

Tommy: I do it all the time though.

Josh: But so, yeah, I don't think, I don't think it should be the rule. I think the rule should be always if you haven't spoken about size, it should just be the basic.

Ash: Yeah, but you know me. Well, maybe you clearly don't, but I want large because you like the milk. No, no, almond. And I've just come off the back of 5 large almond flat whites and I fucking need more strong almond flat whites. So if you were to just need way more, but if it wasn't strong It was made by— I don't want to say too much, but it was made by people who I don't respect. Okay, we'll leave it at that.

Tommy: Also known as a social enterprise.

Ash: Yeah, whatever, mate.

Josh: Their business model is not one that he follows.

Ash: Listen, uh, if I'm paying for coffee or someone else is paying for coffee, I want it to be good.

Tommy: And you want to make sure baristas that have been trained—

Ash: I want the training. I want the training. I want everything.

Tommy: Have you ever worked at a cafe?

Ash: No, no, I haven't.

Tommy: Really? I don't believe it.

Ash: I'm going through my memory and, uh, no, I never worked at a cafe. No, I can't make coffee like the proper, uh, pressed coffee.

Tommy: I just do espresso at home.

Ash: No, no, she does instant. How's this, right? We ran out of McCone number 5 this morning because I'm staying with mum, and she goes, oh, we've still got McCone number 5 in the cupboard, and it was decaf. So I had my first decaf Coffee this morning. Terrible.

Josh: Terrible.

Ash: I think that's what made me sick. I'm a bit sick. You might be able to hear it. I think the decaf made me sick.

Josh: We've actually got instant decaf in the cup.

Tommy: What does the 5 stand for?

Ash: Classy. No, 5's like in the middle. It's, it's a classic roast. If you go to 8 and 10 and 12, it's just hardcore. It's like, that's like your Sambuca or Jägermeister of Makona.

Tommy: And so are they just roasting it longer?

Ash: It's just gross. It's petrol. And that's what it says on the, on the logo. But no, I know young guys drink 12. A lot of young comedians I know drink 12 and I just say, yes, you got to grow up. Then they call me old. It's pretty, pretty fun.

Josh: Earlier in the week, got some mail. Yeah, I don't really care for mail. I don't know what's coming. I don't really have anything attached to mail. It's all digital for me. So I did get one. And sort of unnamed who it was. And I'm like, ah, whatever. Open it, I tear it, and I see the word offense. I'm like, oh fuck. Yeah, you know what this is?

Ash: Someone offended by the podcast.

Josh: It was finally a driving offense. Like, in my heart sinks at that moment, you know, when you see that it's like it's a fine. So I've been—

Tommy: I feel like it wasn't a fine based on how you're setting this up.

Josh: No, dude, it's definitely a fucking fine.

Ash: So what did you do?

Josh: $430-something or $400-something for demerit points. It was a red light. It was going through a red light and immediately— so the car's under my name, so it comes straight to me. It's a contentious moment where you're like, who was it? Was it Amy or was it I? And so we're trying to work out. We did some serious investigation on this. You can actually go at the bottom, it says go to this place, finds like photos, forward slash photo. Yeah, you can log in with your— absolutely, you get the photo. Yeah. The, um, I saw where it was going through, but it was from the back. So some of these photos you can actually see your face.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: So we couldn't— had no other way of working it out. And so what we did, both did, was went through our location data, who was in the car at that time, right? We both were. And then we worked out where we were going.

Ash: Oh, so it was the both of you?

Tommy: Well, someone was driving.

Josh: I worked out it wasn't me.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: It wasn't me, which makes the fine a bit easier to swallow because it's like No, it would make it harder to swallow.

Ash: If you're going to get a fine and pay for it, you want it to be you.

Josh: It hurts too much when it's your own fine. But when you can sort of—

Ash: Oh, so the demerits come off Amy?

Josh: Oh, it's all her. Yeah. So then you just have to nominate her.

Ash: Yeah.

Josh: Cool.

Ash: Happy marriage.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: What's the— what kind of fines have you got in the mail?

Ash: First things first, you shouldn't— once you saw offense, you should have thrown that in the bin. I'm not even joking. People think I'm joking. Throw it in the bin. But you have to open it because you're a dad and you're married.

Josh: Yeah, that's what—

Ash: you know, being an adult is. Luckily you can throw mine in the bin.

Tommy: If you don't see it, is there some sort of law around?

Josh: No, you get fined more money.

Ash: You'd have to contest it to the fucking sheriff. It's a different thing. Um, the sheriff has like a big database of your fines. Yeah, man, but why would you— anyway, whatever. I don't— this is a waste of time. Just don't pay that shit. I've been getting, um, an email from Australia Post saying there's a letter for you at your PO box for like a month, and I know that's a fine. Is it? Yeah, definitely. Because I'm not expecting any mail. And whenever I go down there, because sometimes it's a package and like, you know, you bust your gut to get down there, you catch an Uber Pool, you're like, there's going to be a gift for me there. And then it's a fine. You're like, fuck this, throw it in the bin, back to Mum's. We actually got a—

Tommy: we got a Christmas card from Shannon. Gronkh Shannon.

Josh: Oh, did we? Where is it?

Tommy: It's in the PO box. But I walk home cheque the PO box and then I open it at home and then I forget to bring it in.

Josh: So it's not at home, so it's not at the PO box, it's at home.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, but it was sent to the PO box, so I just need to have a mechanism to bring them back.

Josh: Check it on the way to work.

Mason: That's not—

Josh: oh yeah, you can cheque it on the way to work. No, just be a day behind.

Tommy: I like to do it at the last thing just in case you're getting whatever's been in the mail that day.

Ash: Yeah, it's very anachronistic. Uh, there's the word of the day, um, it means old-fashioned. They are, you know, why aren't you showing us what the mail is beforehand? You know, we're meant to be in a digital age. I'd love to know what the mail is.

Tommy: Would you pay for them to open it for you?

Ash: No, no way. But just tell me what it is. That's like whenever mail comes to my mum's, I know it's a fine. Yeah. And Mum will say, you've got a letter here from whatever, City of Boorondah. And I'm like, that is a fine. And she's like, do you want me to open it? I said, definitely not, because she stresses out.

Josh: Oh, of course you would.

Ash: I said, save that for when I come back to Melbourne, and then I throw it in the bin.

Josh: So, um, a solution— I'm not too hell-bent on the physical nature of the mail we get, but I'm— but I want to see what we get. A photo. Yeah, just literally say photo straight away, because then I'll be like, whatever, we got a digital version.

Tommy: Maybe I did take a photo. I don't know.

Ash: You know what's funny about the, um, the fines and the red lights and stuff and getting the photo? When I was living in LA in 2012, I borrowed my mate's, um, Mack truck. This, this, this massive truck that he painted black.

Josh: And you need a licence to drive a Mack truck.

Ash: I've got an Australian license, so you can still—

Josh: like a truck license.

Ash: Yeah, I wasn't really listening to anything. And so then I was going for a job that was 3 hours away, and I remember I was late and I was fangin' it. And then I, I saw a flash, and it was during the daytime, so you're not sure whether it was a flash or not. And then my mate goes, mate, there's a fine, it's $200. I think it was you. I was like, definitely not me. And then he sent me the photo and I'm there like loving it. I think I was grinning as I went through the red and I had this big mop of blond hair. I looked like Margaret Pomeranz off that movie show Crouch. I'll try and find the photo. It's one of the all-time greats.

Josh: That's what I was hoping we could have got, like a real clear—

Tommy: Oh, that would have been great. My face, then it would have made it worth it for like an Instagram post. Yeah. Are you an asthmatic?

Ash: No, I— yes, I am, I am, but, uh, retired. And then I've recently come out of retirement because in Sydney there's lots of smoke.

Josh: Oh dude, tell us about it.

Ash: There's not much to tell, it's just smoky, it's bad for asthmatics.

Josh: Are you actually seeing people wear masks?

Ash: Yeah, definitely. So it's good to be in Melbourne, it's, it's easy to breathe, and that's not a joke.

Josh: I've heard like the, the, um toxic level— or the level is as bad as like some of these Asian countries.

Ash: Yeah, the other day was the worst. The Sydney was the most polluted city in the world.

Josh: Yeah, the air level, air toxic level, whatever it is.

Ash: Yeah, far out.

Tommy: How do you feel about Sydney compared to Melbourne?

Ash: In what way?

Tommy: Living.

Ash: Pretty broad question, don't you think, Tommy?

Tommy: Well, I just feel like you've—

Josh: Sydney v Melbourne.

Tommy: A lot of time you're spending a lot of time in Melbourne. It's seems like for a guy who lives in Sydney. Why the fuck are you here so often?

Ash: For work. For work. I come down for work. Uh, I'm a busy dude.

Josh: Is it your holiday house in Bondi?

Ash: No, my holiday house is my mum's house. Yeah, so it works out better for me to have my place in Bondi, and then I can come down and stay at mum's rent-free, which I do appreciate, mum. And, um, and then I go back to Sydney. It's kind of like— yeah.

Tommy: What sort of work? What are you actually doing?

Ash: Fucking none of your business. And no, no, last night I hosted a launch for a whiskey company, so I had to come down for that.

Tommy: What did they give you? Booze?

Ash: Yeah, they gave me free booze.

Tommy: How much?

Ash: Just a bottle of Ned whiskey.

Josh: I saw this. Who else was there? Mitch Catlin.

Ash: Mitch Catlin. Yeah, Mitch was running it.

Josh: Yeah.

Ash: Yeah. So, and then last week I was in town, I was filming a thing for a suit company, which was a big— that'll be a big campaign. Coming out January of next year. So that, um, and then I was doing some Nova stuff last week. So there's usually something in it for me to come back to Melbourne. I'm not going to come back for a date per se.

Josh: Have you come back for a date ever? Have you ever flown back?

Ash: Uh, I've flown to Queensland for a date. Yeah, that was interesting.

Josh: How did it go?

Ash: Well, she DM'd me, a girl I'd never met, and said, um, hey, would you ever come to Queensland for a date. And I was like, sure, why not? You know, I've got nothing on this year. So I just flew up.

Tommy: And did she pick you up from the airport?

Ash: No, no, she met me at my hotel actually in the foyer.

Tommy: Was it an Overlow?

Ash: It was an Overlow. Overlow? Yeah.

Tommy: Overlow or Overlow?

Ash: It's Overlow. I've actually got confirmation. It's Overlow.

Tommy: Overlow.

Josh: Which is what we told you and you pushed back on it hard.

Ash: Yeah, sorry, mate. It's Overlow. And And then, yeah, no, it was pretty good night.

Josh: Pretty good. So when you're— if you're teeing up a date and it's at the hotel, it's very suggestive to—

Ash: yeah, but it was in the foyer.

Josh: So the date goes down in the foyer.

Tommy: So it's—

Ash: what, you mean in the foyer? Uh, tasteful area. Went for a few drinks at The Valley. If you know The Valley, it's like fucking basically a prison yard. Like, do you know The Valley? Fortitude Valley? It's like, um, this is Brisbane. Yeah, the mecca of one punches. Yeah, like it's, it's where you go. But there's also cool places, cool bars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mainly known for fights and stuff.

Tommy: So did you take the happy hour? Like, did you use the whole happy hour?

Ash: Oh yes, sure did. You get like, what is it, 1 hour, 2 hours? Yeah, it was all right. And, uh, drank some beer anyway. Good night, good night. We, um, we ended up drinking Fireball at a pool hall in Brisbane. Fucking massive night. Haven't drunk Fireball since, and I wouldn't recommend it. You need to be under 30 if you're going to drink Fireball.

Josh: Yeah, true. Seriously, they actually— so when we were recently in LA, I was asking, oh, were you? Yeah, we're over there for a little bit.

Ash: Have you guys just been saying that non-stop?

Josh: No, it's actually the first time.

Ash: Oh really?

Tommy: I said that. I know, that's bullshit.

Josh: First time that I've said recently, and I haven't— I don't think I have. When, Josh?

Tommy: I'm sure you reference it every day.

Josh: Not every day.

Ash: Yeah, you would.

Josh: Not every day. There's other things I reference every day, but not that.

Tommy: Shepparton, he talks about that he was in radio in Shepparton.

Ash: Oh, okay.

Josh: You guys actually talk about that more than me.

Tommy: Also, Scooter Derek reckons that we mention shitting pants most episodes.

Ash: Do you shit your pants?

Tommy: You did tell a story.

Josh: Done once.

Tommy: 18. But on a boat.

Josh: On a boat. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad.

Ash: Yeah, it's never good.

Josh: What was I saying before I was rudely interrupted?

Tommy: You're in LA.

Ash: Fireball.

Josh: Oh yeah, so what's the shot of the moment? Fireball. They don't want it. They don't have it. They don't. No one has it there. It was at EPLP and I asked the person, like, you guys still doing Fireball? Oh, so it's like it's been and gone, but maybe it's still in, in, uh, the valley. QLD.

Ash: No, it's delicious.

Josh: That's the thing. I like it. It's fucking—

Ash: it's just the most dangerous spirit and shot of all time because it's just so yummy.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: What does it taste like?

Ash: Yakult for adults.

Josh: So it's like a big red water, cinnamony water.

Ash: Yeah, it's like, uh, sweet cinnamon. And you're like, when do people get this alcohol in this?

Tommy: No, no, that's what I'm thinking.

Ash: Yakult.

Josh: He's cooked it.

Ash: No, it's fucking red, man, but it's yummy. It's yummy.

Tommy: Where is the Yakult reference?

Ash: I was just saying, even connected, it's the same size and it's, um, it leaves you with a nice mouthfeel.

Josh: It sorts your guts out in one way or another.

Ash: The opposite of that.

Tommy: So you were like lecturing Mr. 97 about sort of getting out there, getting amongst, amongst it, uh, and you were starting to talk about that you were a bit of a late bloomer.

Ash: Oh yeah. So before we started the episode, we were talking about Mr. 97, who's still a virgin if you're playing along at home. Aren't you? Yep.

Josh: 97. We could create a montage of him just asking you these on each episode.

Tommy: He doesn't know what could have happened in the meantime.

Ash: I feel like you're about to pop though. I feel like— Yeah.

Tommy: Where do you get that light?

Ash: What is it? You're full of you know what. Are you masturbating a bit? 97, you must. You need to let it out. Yeah.

Josh: Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, 4 times a week.

Ash: 4 times a week? No, seriously, how often? Yeah, 4. Yeah. Oh, what do you think? That's a bit much. How often do you think you, um, these days, like, it depends, depends if you've got a girlfriend or something, but maybe once or twice a day. No, no, it's, um, once or twice a week, maybe.

Tommy: Depends, really.

Ash: It's— I'm staying at Mum's at the moment, it's really hard. Do you find that—

Tommy: have you, have you ever thought that you potentially could have a sex addiction?

Mason: Or—

Ash: no, no, no, no. Uh, a lot of my mates do, but what—

Tommy: where do you think the line is?

Josh: When—

Ash: I think it's just an easy get out of jail free card when you're having lots of sex and you might be cheating on your partner or wife and then you're like, oh no, I've got a sex addiction. I'm like, that's just a fucking cop-out.

Tommy: Sure, it's just a root rat.

Ash: Yeah, you're just like a root.

Tommy: So does that mean— so if you were—

Ash: how much—

Tommy: how many times a day would you have to be masturbating before you think that you potentially have a problem?

Ash: I think it's about, uh, the how long it goes on for. So if you're doing it for like a month and you're doing like 3 or 4 a day for a month— it depends on your age too, there's a lot of variables. 97, you can go for a good 10 years at, you know, you do 4 a day. I know guys who get by on 4 a day. People think— I always think they're joking, you know, guys are like, I had 4 wanks this morning, and I'm like, I don't think he was joking. Like, some people are just— were you ever there? No, no, no, probably. I don't know, PB was like 6 or something. But like, it's not as fun.

Tommy: Do you find there's a time of year, like a season, like is winter a big I don't know, I'd like—

Ash: again, I'm not, I'm not big on it these days, but, um, what, what I wanted to say to 97 is that like, uh, I think you just— because in terms of, um, when you lose your virginity, are you romanticising what it might be like?

Mason: Yeah, a little bit.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, don't do that. Just, you just need to like, um, without being too sensitive. Yeah, and military about this. Just, uh, pardon the pun, you just need to get it done. And, um, I know someone. No, no, no, no, but no, no, I just think it's something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can find someone. Yeah, you're a good-looking guy.

Josh: Great looking. He's a great guy.

Ash: You know what I would do? Hmm, I do a couple of things. I reckon it's time to lose the blonde.

Mason: I'm getting a haircut.

Ash: Yeah, good. Um, because you're handsome, you've got a great jawline, and that's going to keep developing because you're only 20. That can develop up to, you know, 25.

Tommy: Is jawline something people are really looking at when it comes to sexual partners?

Ash: I don't know, I don't know. It's always been something for you. Well, I, I've— jawline's all I've got. I mean, I, um, I remember I had a mate—

Josh: we see others how we see ourselves.

Ash: I, um, no, but you can tell a good jawline. And my mate used to be obsessed with jawlines and we were like in school and he's like, mate, I've got to get a better jawline because he had the most pathetic jawline. What makes a pathetic jawline? It's just like straight down. It was like fucking parallel and then it just drifted away into nothingness. G'day Marcus, if you're listening. And he goes, I'm chewing gum like, you know, 5 times a day. And yeah, apparently my jaw is going to be massive. And then I thought that was true too. I was like, well, if he's chewing gum, I better chew gum to stay ahead. So we're just chewing gum for fucking 2 years, did nothing.

Tommy: Laxative, shit your pants. Yeah, like we referenced.

Ash: Oh right, so chewing gum. Yeah, I don't know, I think, um, I don't think chewing gum— it depends on the person. If you chew enough gum, you build a tolerance and you won't shit your pants. But, um, but no, losing my virginity, uh, Mr. 97, I was kind of— we were the last virgins in our group of friends, me and my buddy.

Tommy: How old were you?

Josh: Uh, 18.

Tommy: So I was pretty pretty late.

Ash: And then it was kind of our thing, me and my mate Dan. And, you know, we were like, we're just going to be like virgins forever.

Tommy: Why do you think that was your thing?

Ash: Oh, we made it cool because we had to, otherwise it was too sad, you know. Because we're like, yeah, yeah, fuck having sex, that's for losers. Like, absolutely. Do you want to play 64 again? Yeah, I do actually.

Tommy: But that's— this is all sounding too familiar.

Ash: And then, um, one day it was a Tuesday, tax returns. I remember I was at Mum's again, obviously, and my mate Dan called me Tuesday night and I could just tell by his voice, called the landline and he goes, I've got something to tell you. And I said, you didn't. Yes, I did. And I was like, fuck, now I've got to do it. Now I've got to do it. So like, he's like, yeah, man, happened last night with a girl called Nicole. And I was like, geez, you're a son of a bitch. I thought we were going to be virgins forever. What about that handshake? He's like, yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I'm like, okay. So then I went out on Thursday night to Silvers. You know Silvers?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I actually never went. It's gone.

Ash: It's— yeah, yeah, classic joint. And I remember I was wearing a green Hurley t-shirt and it was sick with an orange, you know, those choker beads we used to wear, like surfer. They were like shell beads. And I was like, I had like 2 tubs of gel in my hair, new wave going there. And I'm like, tonight's the night. And then this girl called Erin came up to me and kind of just like said, like, you're cute, let's go home. And I was like, this is it. How easy is this?

Tommy: Any preparation beforehand? Like before you do the gel and all that sort of thing? Like, was there anything else that you felt that you had to do to prepare?

Ash: No, I just mentally it was, you know, on the cards for me. You know, you go out with—

Tommy: You have a shower.

Ash: Well, you just think it's your chance. You know, you're thinking bigger picture. '97, you know, you wear cologne, you're thinking about hitting a home run. You know, rather than just second, third base.

Tommy: Did you—

Ash: let's go over the bleachers, right?

Tommy: Packing condoms?

Ash: No, no, I didn't pack condoms. And then she came back to my mum's and luckily Mum was out and we didn't actually make up, make love that night, but we made love the Saturday night.

Tommy: Wait, so this was on a Friday night?

Ash: Thursday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Tommy: And she at your mum's house? All three nights?

Ash: I went to her place.

Tommy: Okay.

Ash: And I often walk past that place and think in that room is, is where it went down.

Josh: Have you seen her since?

Ash: Yeah, all the time. I see her at petrol stations. She's always like around the area. She's a great chick, actually.

Josh: Same suburb?

Ash: Yeah, yeah. But she looked at me like she tried to blank me, like about a year ago. I mean, like Shell service station. She looked at me, then looked down. I'm like, excuse me. And then I was like, Erin, it's me. She's like, oh, hey. She's like, who are you? I'm Ash. Bullshit. You know who I am. And then I was like, great to see you. And then she walked off.

Tommy: And so what was that first experience like?

Ash: It was fantastic. But what I'm saying is sometimes you need urgency. So I wouldn't have done that if my mate didn't, you know, kind of instil some urgency in me. You know, I'm not saying you need to get it done this year, '97, but I think in the next 12 months.

Tommy: And so how do we create that urgency?

Ash: Do we need to create it? No, just be open to hitting it over the bleachers.

Tommy: What does that mean?

Ash: Home run, baseball reference. Be willing to— instead of just going for a little boundary.

Tommy: But what if he hasn't even gone to first base? He has gone to second.

Ash: Second base? No, that second base is, um, what is it, boob feeling, is it?

Josh: I don't know, I, I'm not—

Ash: you don't want to get in trouble. Um, no, second base is just like filling up, isn't it?

Tommy: Don't Google it. He needs to get new friends for his keyboard.

Ash: Exactly. Um, anyway, look, man, I'm sure you've been to Second.

Mason: Physical contact, hands to her breasts.

Ash: Yes, there you go, there you go.

Tommy: So no, so he needs to do hands to breasts.

Mason: You haven't done boobs?

Tommy: Fuck. He doesn't have, he doesn't have friends who are women.

Ash: Yeah, uh, yeah, that's not gonna help him though. I mean, just because they're your friends doesn't mean you can feel their boobs.

Tommy: Surely that brings you one step closer.

Ash: No, No, no, you get in trouble for that.

Tommy: That's sort of creating some level of intimacy.

Josh: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Ash: I know what you mean because I ended up—

Josh: different time though.

Ash: Like, I remember a different time.

Josh: Different time. I remember it was, ah, dare you to do that.

Ash: Okay, totally.

Josh: Like, that was the— that was fucking high school days.

Ash: Fucking oath, bro.

Josh: And so it is a different— it is a different time though. Is there a sensitivity like of the time? Was there kids playing, you know, dare at school of like touch my boobs, show my penis?

Ash: No.

Mason: Nothing?

Josh: None of that shit you didn't see any even outside of your friendship circle? No different time Kiss Tracy can't do that no more shit and so what does he need to—

Ash: Do you think that it's just go back a second so you weren't even looking at your mate's dicks when you were like that's a big part of growing up did you not say dicks either?

Mason: He definitely saw dick silence occasionally but it's not like uh It's not like you come and— it's not like you just whip them out.

Tommy: How does that happen then?

Mason: I don't know, just like changing and stuff.

Tommy: Okay, sure.

Mason: Yeah, it's not like you're showing each other.

Ash: Nah, but you have a look.

Josh: Shower with your mates?

Mason: No, no, no.

Josh: I used to shower with my mate.

Ash: Yeah, uh, not recently, but not recently. No, no, well, you know, up until about, yeah, 11, 12. I thought I was gay until about 10, I think. I wanted to have sex with one of my mates. Dead set, not even a joke. I used to chase him around the bedroom and he was fully nude and I'd go, come here, and I was fully erect. Not even a joke.

Tommy: No, I get that.

Ash: Yeah, you do get that.

Tommy: Yeah, I get that.

Ash: Do you?

Tommy: I just— well, because I had Tommy's—

Ash: I had a mouthful of water, so I was like trying to hold it off. Why do you get it?

Josh: Do you find men attractive? Like you said, you're not a gay man now.

Ash: Not anymore. I wish I did.

Tommy: No, but I definitely had the— my— because everyone thought that I was gay growing up, and so my line when someone would say, oh, you're gay, I'd say, I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.

Ash: That's a good joke.

Tommy: That's a good classic joke.

Josh: Where'd you hear that one from, do you reckon?

Tommy: Jerry Springer, maybe? Yeah, but no, so I definitely—

Ash: Jerry Springer said it? Oh no, someone said it.

Tommy: But I—

Ash: Security Steve.

Tommy: Fuck, that was a good show, wasn't it? Steve, Steve, Steve. What happened to Steve?

Ash: Steve, Steve. No, no, he's not dead. But he actually went on to host his own show, Steve.

Tommy: I can imagine that.

Ash: Weird.

Tommy: Um, so yeah, anyway, I think there was definitely times where everyone's saying it and you're into theatre and all that, so everything's pointing that direction.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: But then, um, now you sort of work it all out.

Ash: And this sounds like a bit later in life if you were doing theatre and stuff.

Tommy: No, no, I think like by the time, by the time I was 13, I knew that I—

Ash: you were straight.

Tommy: Straight. Yeah. Yeah.

Ash: I honestly, I did think I might have been gay when I was about 15, and my mate at school said, mate, I've got a porno. And it was an old school People magazine, you know, tangible. Uh, you're looking at it, and we're looking at it, um, right near the school chapel, which is quite tasteful.

Josh: All porn mags.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, the priests were there too having a look. And, um, and my mate showed me and he goes, how's this, huh? How's this? And it's, uh, the first time I ever saw like a full vagina um, kind of open wide. And I was like, I don't think that's for me. And I remember going home thinking, I'm gay, I'm gonna have to tell— yeah, I gotta come out of the closet. But then I kind of—

Josh: I came around, thought about it a little bit more.

Ash: Yeah, I came around.

Tommy: And so Erin— after having sex with Erin, did you keep her? Did you feel like you needed to keep a friendship or relationship?

Ash: No, man, I was 7— I was 18, like We, you know, caught up a few more times. I should have caught up with her more because she was so beautiful, like far out.

Tommy: Was she a nice person as well?

Ash: Yeah, I think so. Here's one for you. This is fantastic. Before we made love, she made love to Puff Daddy. No, no joke. So when Puff Daddy was in town, was that part of it? She was like 17. Puff Daddy can get in trouble.

Tommy: Um, who is Puff Daddy? No, no, he's the Netflix one.

Ash: Yeah, no, that's fucking— that's R. Kelly. Yeah, I get that.

Josh: The—

Ash: right, yeah, same, um, copywriting. But, um, the, uh, because then I remember I was telling my mate and I go, yeah, I, uh, caught up with Aaron. And then he's like, not Aaron from such and such school? And I go, yeah. 'Oh, the one who had sex with Puff Daddy.' I was like, 'Sorry?' And they're like, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, she spent the night with Puff Daddy.' Do you guys do beeps? You might need to fucking beep this.

Tommy: Really? What?

Ash: No, no, I really don't care. You've only said first name and allegedly— allegedly just bumped into her.

Josh: Yeah, just, just bumped into her quite often at Surfer.

Ash: Yeah, no, no, she's cool. I'd like her.

Josh: She's a good chick.

Ash: But you know, when you're young, you don't know you probably don't, uh, end relationships as well as you should have.

Josh: 100%. Yeah, because you don't want to talk— it's— they're hard conversations to tell someone, look, it's not really for me.

Ash: Guys are young until I think they're 30.

Tommy: What's the communication like first time having sex, especially if it's not sort of your girlfriend? What are you like on the Thursday night? Were you like, you know, yeah. You're making out, getting to second base? Yeah.

Ash: Um, well, you just, you know, I had a feeling it was on the table, um, and then she said, no, let's not. She literally said, no, let's not have sex tonight, let's have sex on Saturday night.

Mason: She said that?

Ash: She said that. And I was like, holy shit.

Josh: So he pulls out his diary, yeah, Saturday night, my lawyer.

Ash: Yeah, I was so pumped up, you should have— I was so pumped. And then Saturday Do you think that pressure was good?

Tommy: Like the Friday and Saturday? What are you doing?

Ash: I was the skinny dog in queue, you know, the skinny dog. Drank some beers with some mates and they were just blowing up my phone all night because you told everyone. I said, I think tonight's the night.

Tommy: And that's why you could never go on The Bachelor because you can't keep a fucking secret.

Ash: No, I can't keep a secret.

Josh: But what's the best secret you've kept?

Tommy: Can you stop hitting the table, please?

Ash: Is that better for the audio? Yeah. Well, I've got tons.

Josh: I've got tons.

Ash: There's some things that people say, don't tell anyone that, and, uh, only tell a few people.

Josh: So what are you like, your best mates, what do they know you as? Are you the, the dude that can keep a secret, or come here, you have to ask them?

Ash: I guess there's not many people like me, so I guess they, they know me as Ash.

Tommy: I actually have a friend who, uh has a friend that is very close to the last Bachelorette, and that friend told them—

Ash: damn, so Angie?

Tommy: Yeah, close friend of Angie's. And, uh, my mate's friend told them who was going to win The Bachelorette. Like, win— is that what it's called?

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: And so anyway, uh, he went to Sportsbet. Good. And so he put on a bit of cash. Yeah, he told his family and all that sort of thing.

Josh: Idiot.

Tommy: And, uh, anyway, was watching TV. The friend had made up and it was, it was fucking wrong. They'd made it up. And so he lost all of his cash.

Ash: Fuck. Yeah, what a friend that is. Why is he making it up?

Tommy: I know, it's very upsetting, isn't it? But I just thought that was it. And he He was convinced that it was true based on how close Angie and this person were.

Josh: Oh, was it?

Ash: I mean, fuck, you don't want friends like that.

Josh: What would you do if your mate did that to you?

Ash: Kill him. I'd literally fucking kill him. Then I'd go to jail.

Tommy: What's been your best win? What's been your best win on a betting?

Ash: I don't bet much, mate.

Tommy: Really?

Ash: I'm not a big bettor.

Tommy: I feel like you'd bet on the horses.

Ash: No.

Josh: You were at the races. Oh, you went to Caulfield Cup early this year?

Ash: Yes.

Josh: It was a great day.

Ash: I didn't get paid to go. Yes, that was an awesome day though. Most times at the races it's terrible because you can't get a drink and there's lots of people there you don't want to talk to. Yeah, but like, this was like, it wasn't too busy and everyone there was cool. And I caught up with one of my very old mates from LA, the guy whose car I stole, you know, with the truck. He came and yeah, we had a fucking ripper.

Josh: 2020. There's a lot of articles online, like people are doing their predictions, predictions in the podcast space, movie space. Any predictions? Ash Williams 2020 predictions.

Ash: For what?

Tommy: I don't know, anything, whatever.

Josh: People are doing it on anything.

Ash: Yeah, but I haven't seen this. Is it like a meme?

Mason: Is it—

Tommy: oh, it's not, it's not a meme. It's like Melbourne versus Sydney question.

Josh: This, this time of year people are saying 2020 gonna be like— yeah, yeah, predictions in the ad, ad advertising space. What's the predictions in the entertainment space?

Ash: I love this stuff, you know, because, uh, you'd love Gary Vee. Gary Vee always does this, and he's doing it at the moment where he's, um, showing his old predictions. Yeah.

Josh: Oh yeah, yeah. So this is a chance, right?

Tommy: Have you got a TikTok?

Ash: I got a TikTok. This is a chance for you in TikTok, yeah, 2022, for us to look back.

Tommy: I feel like you'd like TikTok. Actually, no, I haven't said about the pedophiles.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I got tagged in your tweet about if you're over 30 and you're on TikTok, you need to be on a watch list.

Ash: Yeah, you need to be on a watch list.

Tommy: But you are on TikTok.

Ash: I am, and I'm also on a watch list. Yeah, it's true. It's, it's proper like adolescent porn. It's, uh, it's pretty hard. No, no, it's, um, I actually think it's a government sting designed to catch pervs. So we're probably gonna get stormed by troopers in a second.

Josh: Anything. All right, 2020.

Ash: But no, I just think, um, um, what did I say? So on my podcast this week, I came up with an idea that this is not really 2020, but like, you know, we've got P plates and L plates.

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: Why don't we have old people plates? They're terrible drivers. They're more dangerous than L platers. So you've got O, old, or I want an OC for old cunt. But like, um, but you know, if you see an OC in front of you, you're gonna watch out for it.

Tommy: Yeah, definitely.

Ash: You'd steer clear. Yeah. Yeah.

Josh: At least pull back. Or if you see someone driving wild and there's no reason, it makes sense. Yeah.

Ash: Or D for drunk or something like that. But I think obviously too, I mean, what digital— I think, you know, you're saying words.

Tommy: I know.

Josh: Let him go.

Ash: Keep going. Digital.

Tommy: Yeah, go on.

Ash: Digital.

Josh: The platforms.

Ash: No, but we're going to— it's not anything that— it's not— they're not my ideas. I'm just coming up with, uh, with things I've seen, but, uh, and also really obvious things. But, um, I think, um, I came up with the idea for home delivery. I didn't come up with it, but I think I was the first in Australia for home delivery petrol. And I pitched this idea 3 years ago.

Tommy: I've been doing that with RACV. I ran out of petrol at the front of my place. The guy said it was the first time because they said, hey, like, I ran out of petrol, I call them, and they said, where do you want us to go and I said my address and they said, that's your address. I'm like, I actually rolled into the, to the front.

Josh: What do they, um, what do they charge?

Ash: I don't know.

Tommy: Well, no, it's like you pay your membership free, so it's like free petrol.

Ash: Oh, so that's RACV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, this, there's now a business, like an actual business. Anyway, um, predictions. I don't know, man. I don't fucking know. I think it's going to be more of the same. It's just going to be people are going to be, have less attention spans.

Josh: Do you think it's been a good year for you? Have you had a very—

Ash: It's been okay.

Josh: 2019?

Ash: Been okay. Looking forward to 2020, gonna be a big year. Look, you just— I was thinking the other day, do you look at the years in terms of years or do you look at it as financial years? Running from June 30. So from July 1 to June 30, still not that good, but—

Josh: You went to your accountant this week.

Ash: No, I asked this. I might get a text from my accountant saying, can you please call today? Um, you know, such and such wants to speak to you. And I was thinking, fucking hell, who wants to speak?

Tommy: Like a client? Who wants to speak to you?

Ash: My accountant.

Tommy: Okay.

Ash: But he's calling me before. He goes, mate, you're getting audited. It's no shit. This is like 5 years ago. I was like, fuck. And then, um, and so you thought the call him was— I thought something was—

Tommy: what was the return did you get back that year that triggered an audit? Were you getting like $15 grand?

Ash: No, no, I got like $20 grand back, but that was the best I've ever gotten. $20 grand back, it's awesome for me.

Josh: You made some good coin.

Ash: I was like winning Powerball for me.

Tommy: Yeah, that was— no, that's probably—

Ash: I was working over, so I was owed money at the end of the financial year. So, um, so then I got this text a few days ago saying, can you please call the accountant? And then I texted back 'Uh, what's this about?' And then I get a message back saying, 'Sorry, wrong Ash.' And I was like, 'Yes, fuck yes!' A bit loose from the account. It was from Jenny, his assistant. Jenny, um, had a shocker.

Josh: So you never went to the account?

Ash: No, no, don't plan on going there.

Tommy: Do you believe in New Year's resolutions?

Ash: Yeah-ish. What were— I've actually kept mine, um, this year. My, uh, New Year's resolution was to hang out with more people I respect.

Tommy: And here you are.

Ash: No, no, it's, it's one in, one out. But there's a, there's a guy who I kind of, uh, I guess you call him a friend, and, uh, I don't really respect him, and I just wanted to hang out with him less. And, uh, and that's come true. But, uh, but look Good on him. Good night to him.

Tommy: So you dropped him. Do you, uh, are you known to sort of fire friends?

Ash: Not really, but fuck, you want people— it's got to be a two-way relationship, you know, without getting too philosophical, but you want to be, um, you know, lifting each other up. And I think some people just— it's not, it's not a two-way street.

Tommy: I don't have your phone number yet. Don't you?

Ash: Of course, mate. I was thinking it's weird that Tommy's always texting me. I thought Tommy was the dealmaker.

Tommy: He's very protective.

Ash: You can just fucking text me. I don't care. He's never asked me for your number. I might get my number, man.

Tommy: So you're called— are you someone that, like, if I was just to text you, would you sort of engage?

Josh: Yeah, definitely. Might. Sometimes it takes a little while.

Ash: No, it does take a while, but sometimes I'm on it.

Josh: Sometimes real quick.

Ash: Sometimes real quick. Sometimes real slow.

Tommy: All right.

Josh: You texted me, um, this week, and I, and I was almost thinking it could have been to the wrong person.

Ash: No, but you know what, just the way you framed it. I, um, because you texted me, let him on the show, and I didn't know when I was in Melbourne. And the last few times I've been in Melbourne, I've been in and out. And so I was like, oh, I'll message you when I can come in.

Josh: So I hadn't heard from Ashnik in 3, 4 weeks, 3 weeks. Hey bro, been in and out, are you still recording?

Tommy: Okay, sure.

Josh: And so I was like, Tommy Little, like, is he at a studio where Tommy Little is?

Tommy: Are you mates with Tommy Little?

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ash: We're not as tight as we used to be. We used to be pretty thick.

Josh: Who let, who let who go?

Ash: Oh, I probably let Tom go, but then, um, you know, I still, I still like Tommy. I'd like him. I think we're trying to rekindle a friendship, so we'll try and, we'll try and get it going. It's better now that he's more successful, so there's actually—

Josh: it's good for me.

Tommy: Uh, on the, on the sex thing again, when you have sex with someone for the first time, did that open the floodgates to have more sex? Like, did that all of a sudden, like, the next weekend you're back on?

Ash: Like, yeah, yeah, it did. I think I had sex again a month later. And then, um, yeah, definitely, of course. Yeah, you, you'll have more sex because then you've done it. How about you, man? Like, when you first had sex?

Tommy: Yeah, was with my girlfriend.

Ash: Or your current girlfriend?

Tommy: Yeah.

Ash: So have you only had What? Correct. 5 sexual partners. Uh, yeah, no, but, uh, no, but that's good, man. You've, you've been to a restaurant and you're like, I like it here.

Tommy: What's your favourite restaurant in Melbourne?

Ash: Don't say Erin. Erin. Imagine that. Um, I wonder if Erin is— you know, I tried to find Erin on Facebook. Uh, I couldn't find her. And I tried to find her on— she's blocked you. I don't know, I tried to find her on fucking all these. Uh, after I saw her at the petrol station, I just went mad googling it. And then like, I was like, you're going to give it up. But what about this?

Tommy: Are you doing the chicken place that—

Josh: what's the—

Ash: Char Grill Charlie's? No, I don't have a deal with them. I don't have a deal. You still need to give me a Nando's deal. I went to Nando's last night. That's my favourite restaurant. I paid for Nando's last night.

Tommy: Where at? Which one?

Ash: The one in the city. I had Nando's with the great Jackie Epstein from the Herald Sun.

Tommy: Yes.

Josh: And what we're trying to get out of that.

Ash: No, no, no, no, no, no. That's rude, Tom, because I like Jackie. You know, all things aside, she's obviously a very influential person in the newspaper game, but she's a top chick. And we didn't go there together. We went to this whiskey, whiskey launch.

Tommy: That's right, Ned.

Ash: And then I thought, you know, I'm fucking jonesing for a Nando's. So I thought, I'm going fucking to Nando's after this. Ran over there and guess who's in line?

Mason: Jackie.

Ash: And we sat down and we had a beautiful Impromptu Nando's. Beautiful moment. Yeah, but, um, yeah, that's my favorite. Well, get me a deal. Don't you guys get fucking free Nando's?

Josh: They're a client of ours. They, um—

Ash: You sound so pretentious saying that. Like, we work with them, they're a client. Then get me a fucking thing.

Josh: What do you— what's the deal? Craft out the deal.

Tommy: We want to be a win-win. I'm worried that won't be a win-win.

Josh: So what's the—

Ash: what is it? I'm not interested right now.

Mason: I'm off.

Ash: I'm off them then.

Josh: Why?

Ash: Because it's a win-win. Are you not in? Fucking losers.

Tommy: Do you believe in the win- win-win when it comes to it? What is your—

Ash: you don't tell me what is win-win.

Tommy: What's the Ash Williams rule book around deals?

Ash: Quid pro quo. It's got to be, uh, we're talking about two-way streets. It needs to be a two-way street.

Josh: Quid pro quo, that's, um, that's something out of a movie, Hollywood movie.

Ash: No, it's just a legal term.

Josh: What's it mean?

Ash: Quid, it's like, uh, there's, uh, something for something. Yeah, there's a trade, a change of service, of Favors. Yes, that's what you need, Mr. 97.

Josh: I did an interesting, um, uh, quid pro quo.

Ash: Yeah, it sounds very—

Josh: I love the name. When I was PTing, um, skydiving, skydiving voucher. Yeah, this girl got from her boyfriend, too scared to do it, didn't want to have a bar of it, for 5 sessions.

Tommy: How did she sell that into you?

Josh: She was a good friend of mine. She's like, oh, I fucking got this, I don't want it. I was like, I was like, oh, all right. She's like, would you do some sessions for this? Sure.

Tommy: So you did it?

Josh: Yeah, I went skydiving and I trained her. No, by myself. I drove up to Ngambi solo.

Tommy: Sounds sort of sad.

Ash: Yeah, it sounds like a fucking axe murderer.

Josh: Yeah, no, I was keen. I was like, this is— I want to do this. I want to put myself out of my comfort zone. I imagine there's like 10 people, 10 other people doing it. You train up and you jump out of a plane. Seb's done it.

Ash: He's done it.

Tommy: Have you really?

Mason: I've been skydiving.

Ash: That's the irony.

Tommy: Yeah, hasn't had sex but gone skydiving.

Ash: Fucking dive downstairs, dived out of the plane door. Yeah, good for you. We won't all— I haven't done the skydiving, so he's bungee jumped too. He's a little—

Josh: Jesus, he lives on the edge, but not always.

Tommy: And so like Mr. 97, we've done a bunch of firsts this year for him. You know, getting drunk and all that sort of thing. Is there anything in 2020 that you could do as a first?

Josh: For me?

Ash: Yeah, I think so. I don't know, man. Um, I need more warning on that, I think. But, um, deep, deep. Fuck, Josh's questions annoy me, Tom. Um, he thinks he's fucking Sally Jesse Raphael out here. Um, tough reference but good one. Um, no, you think you're Oprah. Um, so keep going if you don't know that reference. Um, but I don't know, man. I think, uh, any firsts— I think you can always create firsts, but they can be small, big. You just want to keep creating moments, and that's what I'm looking to do next year.

Tommy: So what is it? Just name one.

Ash: What do you mean? Because there's moments in life, or there's moments professionally. So I'm looking at doing, um, uh, something that I haven't done before next year. I actually can't talk about that. And that's exciting because that's a good funnel for, for the way I live my life. And it's going to be a great way for me to share with people some of the mischief I get up to. Like a radio geek? No, no, no. It's— I actually have control of this, so I can't say too much. But the thing about radio geeks, good luck to people who do it, TV, whatever. But, you know, you are—

Tommy: so it's not radio, it's on TV.

Ash: It's not radio or TV. So digital, can't say, but it's something that I control. Which I keep telling Mum. It's like, uh, control this one, Mum, get off my back.

Josh: But signed— have you signed a deal? Signed something?

Ash: Uh, no, because I'm talking money. But I'm not worried about money on this. I'm not worried because I— the money will come later. And that's all I can say on this because it's getting too— you're drawing the dots. Um, I'm becoming a prostitute.

Tommy: So the first— come on, you got to come up with— I think it's a fun exercise in expanding your mind.

Josh: Well, I think—

Ash: I told you without telling you.

Tommy: No, no, that's—

Josh: yeah, yeah, no, I think you can struggle as you get older to even recognise shit that you haven't done because you just get in the comfort of what you do, right? So it's like just even fucking getting out of the house and bike riding could be something totally that actually is what you like doing, but you just choose not to do it now.

Tommy: I'd like to do the sauna next year. There's a first for me. Never been in the sauna.

Josh: Never in your life?

Tommy: Never.

Ash: Fuck, that's a good one, dude.

Tommy: I love that.

Josh: It's a good one. It's a good one. Pathetic. Because it's—

Ash: that's his fucking— are you joking me?

Tommy: So if that's the benchmark, what's your first?

Josh: He can't like—

Ash: I want to get in the sauna.

Tommy: What's your first?

Ash: That is pathetic. Uh, fucking hell. Um, seriously, what's getting the sauna this afternoon?

Tommy: No, because it's hot as fuck. I'm not good enough.

Ash: You know I'm a sauna dude. You know, I said like 5. Yeah, saunas are great. Do you like 37? No, no, traditional. Yeah, of course. Yeah. This guy does everything except have sex. Um, but it's so true. Yeah. Um, dude, they're great for you. They're really good for your health. I'm mad for them. Like, I'm obsessed.

Tommy: And so what— so that's a first, cryo? I've never done cryo. That's another thing.

Ash: Yeah, same sort of cryotherapy.

Tommy: Yeah, just a once-off. Yeah, I'm worried about— I know that I've got no metal on me. But they, they talk about like, yeah, if you have metal objects, it will explode.

Ash: What about your feelings? I've got metal feelings.

Josh: Um, so ice baths as well, if you have areas that pain— so your back might severely hurt because it exacerbates the, the area that is inflamed or something. So you feel it on that area. Like my, my feet, and I'd been— I'd done a huge walk 2 days before, and my feet just killed. And I was like, and I was like, that's where my pain has been, in my feet. Because I did this huge walk in that fucking ice bath. But you should— ice bath. Okay, one thing, what actually haven't you done? Think about it.

Tommy: What about you, TJ? There's a bit of a prompter.

Josh: What's the first for you next year? 2020, the bike thing. I actually want to get a bike.

Tommy: You've had a bike before.

Josh: Yeah, I know. Haven't ridden the trails around my house though.

Ash: Pretty boring lives you guys lead. I want to take a sauna, I want to ride a bike. It's like, what are we doing? All right, big guy, 30 years old.

Tommy: I'm 20.

Ash: At least Mr. 97 wants to have sex. That's a real goal.

Tommy: Do you reckon that's— is that 2020's goal? A first? If you were to pick a first for 2020, what would it be?

Mason: Well, the first that I was going to suggest was go to a proper nightclub.

Tommy: It sounds boring.

Ash: No, but that leads to sex. That's what you need to be doing.

Josh: Here's the thing, I'll come next year because I'll be having a few drinks. I'd love to take you out. Yeah, okay, I'll organise a big night out.

Ash: Just for the experience. Yeah, I think you need to go out with it without— because these guys put a lot of pressure on your sex life. I think it should—

Josh: right now you're putting more pressure on him than us.

Ash: No, but 97 kind of guy, I'm not putting pressure on. I'm just like, live your life. If it happens, it happens. Do you have friends that you go out with, or are you kind of—

Tommy: I don't like it. You don't like nightclubs?

Mason: No. Well, I've never been to one. I don't like the—

Josh: the point is you don't like saunas, but you're doing it because you want to sort of—

Ash: okay, I've got something full circle. I was in the sauna in Bondi, um, a few days ago, and my mate in the sauna was talking about his sister who's 19, and he was saying how she's never been to a nightclub.

Tommy: This is perfect.

Ash: And I was like, well, what do these kids do to fill the void in the nightclub? And he said his sister just goes on Instagram and like, that's— I'm like, what do you mean? So like Instagram is their nightclub? He's like, yes. And that wasn't even a joke. It's like Is that true? 97% people are just online. Is that their way of like socialising and going out?

Mason: Oh, definitely. I mean, I don't use Instagram that much except to post stuff.

Tommy: Yeah, it's weird like that.

Ash: Yeah. What about your friends, like, um, from school and stuff? Do you go out with them much?

Mason: Uh, no, they'd probably go to a club maybe once or twice a year.

Josh: How good was it? How good was it younger? Sort of the night you get the first place you're going, the world's ahead of you, you just fucking end up going everywhere, you're at 6 clubs. Like, there is something fun about it. Yeah. If you enter into the— we don't know where this night's going to go. Yeah. Which I don't think you like that much, but I don't necessarily like that. I just enjoyed it. You would go to 7, then you're into the city.

Ash: Yeah.

Tommy: It's like a wine bar sounds like more fun.

Ash: A wine bar? Yeah. No, I don't think so.

Josh: You know, we have access like to BMAC. Fuck no.

Tommy: But BMAC.

Josh: What if we go to—

Tommy: I missed that?

Ash: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Josh: Fuck you wine bar!

Ash: No, no, one bar's good but like I know what Tommy's saying. Tommy's like have you ever seen the movie Go? It's like that it's like a wild night and like you look back on the night you're like oh my god we went to like 10 places and it's like fuck what an evening.

Tommy: Yeah yeah so you don't go to wine bars?

Ash: We go to wine bars now. Tommy's talking about when we were like 18, 19, 20.

Tommy: So what is the what is the disadvantage of going to a wine bar.

Ash: You're still going to be as wild, man.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, less chance.

Tommy: Do you think less chance for sex in a wine bar?

Josh: I think so.

Ash: I think so. That's how old you are. He's fucking 20.

Josh: You're going to be more confident at a wine bar to sort of just break into a conversation, whereas nightclubs you end up, ah, ah.

Ash: Yeah, you know what's going to happen if 97 goes to a wine bar? You're going to lose your virginity to a 90-year-old.

Josh: Could be in direct though.

Ash: You'd probably go with it. Nothing wrong with it.

Tommy: Rocks up next week.

Ash: OC on the back of it. OC. Yeah, exactly. That'd be nice.

Tommy: So you don't like— but at your age, how old are you now?

Ash: 37.

Tommy: Are you a wine butt? Like, do you say—

Ash: Don't drink wine. I don't drink it. I drink whiskey.

Josh: What's your drinking habits? Like, what do you do weekly?

Ash: Oh, depends. Probably I'll have a beer once a week. Yeah, I'll have a few frothies.

Mason: Yeah, I don't mind it.

Ash: I love a beer.

Josh: You love it.

Tommy: You love it.

Ash: It's just good, you know. Yeah, you just knock the top off one and you're just like, I don't mind it.

Tommy: And so what's the different experience between—

Josh: I don't care.

Ash: Well, sorry, wine is just like, oh, it's quite nice, isn't it? It's always in second or third gear. Actually, that's not true. I don't drink white wine because that gets me like out of control.

Mason: Really?

Ash: I've only drunk it twice.

Tommy: Champagne, I feel like you'd go, champagne's always—

Ash: I propose to people on champagne. I've done two like quasi-proposals on champagne. Um, good drink. I was like, I drank 2 bottles of champagne in, uh, in Los Angeles, and I said to my girlfriend at the time, I said, look, I think we should get married. She said, do you mean that? And I was like, yeah. And then the next day I was like, fuck, you know.

Tommy: Did she bring it up?

Ash: No, thank God. But, um, But look, yeah, no, it's a fun drink. But, um, yeah, the white wine, be careful on that. That drives you nuts. You talk about shitting the pants. I, I shat my pants on white wine. And then the second time I drank it, I was at a wine tour and I almost got arrested.

Tommy: Oh yeah, I was getting control.

Ash: No, I shouldn't say it. I was doing bad things and, um, and sort of things. Not proud of it. Like, very illegal. Almost killed someone. And, um, they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, yeah, it's bad stuff, mate. But I was throwing full, uh, wine bottles at, uh, all sorts of stuff. And, um, security at a vineyard. Yeah, police came and said, you're, you're gone. And then they handcuffed me to the bus and, uh, wasn't good.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: Have you done like, um, the winery walkabout, like any of those Yeah, they're cool, man. Could be cool. I think Mr. Nice Even would probably get around that.

Ash: You need to be with the right people again. Yeah, I don't— these two aren't right. You need someone for the wine thing. I think that could be right. Someone who's like about 26.

Tommy: You threw wine bottles.

Ash: All red wine.

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ash: And, uh, I'll bring someone. Who do I know? You need someone like a middle ground, 27.

Josh: It's just—

Mason: you're—

Ash: what are you, Josh?

Tommy: I'm 29.

Ash: I always think you're older. I can't believe you're under 20. No, no, but she's talking about wine bars and like fucking, you know, you're older than me, like kind of. You want to take a sauna for the first time? It's like, fuck, man, you're 29. Um, in a perfect world, where would you take this sauna?

Tommy: Um, like which sauna would I go to? Yeah.

Ash: Uh, no, it's only not a trick question.

Tommy: And I think like 97's got some good recommendations. Where do you go, 97?

Mason: He goes to YMCA in Q Rec Center.

Ash: Oh, is there a sauna in there? Oh, is it brand new?

Mason: Nah, plenty of old people in there as well.

Ash: Yeah, is it big?

Mason: 16 people you can get in there.

Ash: It's good, you've counted.

Tommy: Yeah, that was a quick response.

Ash: Yeah, that's good. Is it— does it say 16 on the wall? Or no, no, no, you've just counted that's the most.

Tommy: Um, and, uh, what's the most they've been in one time that you've been there?

Mason: 16. 16. Yes.

Tommy: Yeah.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: Too many people.

Josh: Yeah.

Mason: Way too many.

Tommy: I think I'd be more likely.

Mason: I mean, it gets empty though.

Tommy: I would probably— is there— are there private saunas that you can book out?

Ash: No, you want the conversation. Don't you think the conversation is good?

Mason: Sauna conversations.

Tommy: Yeah, it's great.

Josh: It's— yeah, I mean, so you know what you do, it's usually— how long do you spend in there? 15, 20?

Ash: This is what you do.

Mason: You go in intervals. So I do like 15 and then, and then hop out and then go for 10 and then hop out, 10, hop out, 10.

Ash: Yeah. So do you jump in the water?

Mason: Uh, cold shower.

Ash: Yeah, cold shower. It's not— it's cool because you don't have the options, but what you need to do is go to Bondi. Ah, and then you jump in the water. This is what you should do. You guys come when you're next in Sydney, come to Bondi, you do your first sauna.

Josh: That's a good place to fucking do it.

Ash: Pop the cherry there.

Tommy: And then, um, only if 97 pops his cherry. Yeah, in the sauna.

Ash: If you pop your, uh, cherry in the Bondi Iceberg Sauna, you're doing pretty well. But, um, why? Well, I'm talking about Mr. 97, so fuck it, a lot of people around. But, um It's, uh, I'm saying having sex, but as in it's influences.

Josh: It's a very beautiful place.

Ash: Yeah, it's not as beautiful as you think in the sense that they're just normal people. There's a lot of— they're locals. I'm in there every day and I love it. And so when you jump in the water, that's the place to do it. It's the only way to take a sauna. So I take saunas now when I'm in Melbourne at Koo Yong Tennis Club. Came out of a big schwitz yesterday with a couple of dudes at the end, and not as good. I jumped in the shower afterwards, not as good. So Bondi icebergs. Okay, you're gonna love it.

Tommy: So we'll do that next year, 2020.

Ash: Do that. Hmm, I feel like I need something.

Tommy: Yeah, that's what—

Josh: what's—

Tommy: no, it's not banal, which is what's something that you can do for the first time. What about like, I was gonna say pay a fine.

Mason: No, no, that's a floodgate you can't open.

Tommy: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because then they know you're still alive.

Ash: Yeah, it's not worth it. Um, No, the thing I'm doing is, um, I'm owning all of my work. That's what, that's what I'm doing for the first time. So I'll be more self-sufficient next year.

Tommy: Does that mean Acast is no longer?

Ash: We'll see, we'll see. So you just said you don't know? Well, we'll see. I just— there's different ways to own your content, but I will be more in control of my revenue stream next year.

Tommy: I saw the lawyers at Nova weren't happy about your music.

Ash: Yeah, they weren't, but what do you do?

Josh: You change it.

Ash: I put some music on the podcast, I didn't know they listened, and then I get like some email saying you can't play.

Tommy: Do you think someone ratted on you? Because the lawyers aren't listening. Someone has— someone's emailed the lawyers and said, hey, Ash is using—

Ash: again, I don't care. I really don't care.

Josh: It's like, anyway, so that you got the email, was it?

Ash: Yeah, but here's the thing, if I wasn't doing it, you know, through a middleman then I can just do what I want.

Tommy: So your plan is no middleman?

Ash: No, no, I might have a middleman, but like, I'm just saying, like, there'll be different— put the podcast to one side. You're fixating on—

Tommy: well, you just said you're owning everything. Yeah, I do.

Ash: The only thing I know is stand-up. I've got my secret project, uh, I've got other, um, projects.

Tommy: Who owns your stand-up now?

Ash: I own the stand-up.

Josh: Okay, so have you got an agent?

Ash: Yes, I do.

Tommy: Fordham?

Ash: I'm with Nick Fordham at the moment.

Josh: Great. Good.

Ash: I've just started with Nick. Yeah, he's a businessman. Um, so we've got a few things going on. Um, but there's different types of managers too, because like with my stand-up, that's also different as well. And then, um, there's a— it's pretty multifaceted.

Tommy: How's your Patreon going? I said it's about $150 a month.

Ash: You're getting $156 at the moment, so It's pretty good. I didn't see any spike when I came on the show last time, not one.

Josh: I think you hadn't even set it up, your deals weren't even solid yet.

Ash: It's okay, uh, 97. I want some more feedback. I've kind of tried to fix up the Patreon, um, I'm putting good content on there at the moment. There's things I've never released, uh, Tickle videos. I've got 4 more Tickle videos that have never been seen.

Tommy: So how did you get copies of them?

Ash: Because about 3 or 4 years ago I was doing a comedy show and emailed the Tickle, uh, executive producer and he sent me all the videos.

Tommy: So ask any questions, did he say, well, what do you want? I'm cool.

Ash: No, he just said— I know I told him it was a comedy show, but I said it was going to be internal. No one will, um, be able to download it. So it's all good, man. I think the Ticker Video dude's out of business now, so it's all cool. But, um, but yeah, if you are listening to this and you do want to donate to the Patreon, please let me know you came from the Daily Talk Show, because last time, again, Nothing came through. I want to do these podcasts.

Tommy: Overloads feeling about you, is that sort of changed?

Ash: Hey mate, they're not fucking paying me.

Tommy: Well, I know they— you got your, uh, Contra or Quota moment.

Ash: Okay, I gave them a shout out. There's no— there's— it's only just quid pro quo, and they're like, um, what about SpinalAce? They're gone. SpinalAce used to be a sponsor and now they're gone.

Tommy: I don't know, they're still sponsoring Ben Fordham's show?

Ash: I don't want them anymore. They're, um, I don't know, Mo overreached on the friendship. Uh, he wanted to hang out more as buddies, and I was just doing too much time and he wasn't paying me enough. I do like him as a person.

Tommy: Do you find that hard, mixing friendship and business?

Josh: What's the year of dropping people that don't lift enough?

Ash: Yeah, kind of. Um, no, no, I think you can be you can have friendship and business, but you've got to— don't be too precious. If the, um, business doesn't work out, the friendship should still be there. But I know people who, they can't, you know, do just— I suppose split the two apart. It's like, fuck, man, grow up.

Tommy: Are we sort of business or friends or whatever?

Ash: More friends than business. Yeah, because again, I haven't said anything for me to say that this is good for my business.

Tommy: Neither of you, fuck off, mate.

Ash: I'll give you fucking— who's done all the shows?

Tommy: Uh, Gemma Watts, uh, Pete Shepherd, uh, um, who's—

Ash: oh, just a lot of people. Is there anyone there I've heard of?

Tommy: Like, seriously?

Mason: You know, Ryan D'Avella?

Ash: I don't know him personally.

Tommy: Trevor Long.

Ash: Trevor Long, the guy from, uh, Channel 9 who does the tech stuff?

Tommy: Yes.

Josh: Who else?

Ash: It's fucking not good for me.

Mason: Gemma Ryan, Pete, Max, Happy Harry, Scooter Derry, 3D Deal, Craig Harper, Trevor Long.

Ash: What I'm saying is that this is better for you than it is for me. And if you— if Josh, are you— you fucking watch yourself now.

Tommy: No, I just think it's fair.

Ash: I think it's a win-win. You are— who the fuck do you think you are? I think it's pretty— you are so conceited, with your view, I'm gonna fucking leave in a second.

Tommy: Well, I mean, it's interesting. I just think that potentially if you were having impact, the whole Patreon thing for you would have been bigger from us.

Ash: Um, I don't get that. What do you mean? Oh, if I was having impact on your show? Yeah, but you don't have the listeners. No offense, guys.

Josh: I just texted you Ash's number.

Tommy: Thank you.

Ash: Yeah, we can have this conversation via text. Um, no, but like, you know, you're building your listenership.

Josh: It's, it's—

Ash: I do podcasts that have massive listenerships.

Tommy: How many an episode?

Ash: Team Effort has quite a lot. I couldn't tell you what, but like, even a million total downloads.

Tommy: Pardon?

Mason: Team Effort hit over a million total downloads.

Josh: We should be there. But what about—

Tommy: actually, what I— when I think of you and podcasting, I think of The Ash Williams Show.

Josh: That's—

Ash: I don't know what it is. I think it's about 10,000, but I don't know. I just don't look at it.

Tommy: And—

Ash: but next year we're going to start looking at it, and we're doing—

Tommy: is that because you're taking it off Acast?

Ash: I don't know, man. I don't know.

Tommy: But you controlling your own ads next year?

Ash: We'll see. I— this is a fucking terrible— this is like being on the 7:30 Report. Um, ACA, fuck me. Um, yeah, I don't know.

Tommy: I'm excited. I think it's the right direction.

Ash: I know, I'm looking forward to it as well. I'm— I just think that you guys should respect me more.

Josh: I respect you for coming on. No, I do.

Tommy: No, I definitely respect you.

Ash: I'm just— I want more fucking gratitude.

Tommy: I want you to do this coffee.

Ash: No, no, great. Maybe a coffee with someone who I respect.

Tommy: Uh, so we've worked out our pricing for our advertising. So we're doing advertising in 2020, 7 episodes for a grand.

Ash: Uh, okay. Uh, a week.

Josh: You get a whole week.

Tommy: A whole week for a grand. What do you think about that? From a—

Ash: it's so hard to tell right now. You can tell once you do it, and then you can get the metrics and see how it is.

Tommy: Has already bought a week. For $1,000. So we're promoting his business. Yeah.

Ash: What's his business?

Tommy: So he does—

Josh: I don't want to do that. That's a part of the week.

Ash: Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Tommy: We won't talk about it until it's just like how it works.

Ash: I do. I didn't know it was so— you were going to launch his business or something?

Tommy: No, we can't talk about it yet. Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?

Ash: Well, I would like to take this opportunity to let everyone know that I don't support Ryan John's business. And that, uh, you shouldn't get involved.

Josh: I love it, I love it. Ash, thank you for coming on the show.

Ash: Thank you guys, always fun.

Tommy: Quickly, a first for 2020 so we can keep you accountable, just like I want you to keep us accountable about—

Josh: I'm trying to think of a specific fight, food, uh, adventure sport that you haven't done. Skydiving, bungee jumping.

Tommy: Have you ever gone, uh, vegetarian?

Ash: I have for 2 days.

Josh: Seen a psychologist? I don't know, there's tonnes of things you can do.

Ash: You can have sex with a dude. It's It's like, do you want to do it?

Tommy: I mean, it's like, have you before?

Ash: No, but if there's anything I want to do, I will do it. And in the past, I've just done it. So there's not much at the moment.

Tommy: Where are your blocks? Is there something that scares you more than what it would the average person?

Ash: See, I don't know, man. I mean, uh, I like being free, which isn't good for relationships, but, um, do you think you ever get married? Yeah, for sure. Can't wait. I'm actually fucking pumped. Um, I am a romantic guy. I'm like, I just haven't met the right girl. I'm looking forward to settling down. It'll be a relief.

Tommy: Could it be 20?

Mason: Pay your fines.

Ash: That's when you pay your fines. I've told girls, you know, before, I might just say no, I don't pay my fines. But if we do get together, I'll pay him.

Josh: Would you do a 3-month stint?

Ash: Yes, whatever this is.

Josh: To get out of paying fines.

Ash: Okay, would you do a 3-month service?

Tommy: It'd be good from a—

Ash: you'd get—

Tommy: no. What about the, um, uh, I'm doing, uh, what's that? What am I— what's the food service I'm using?

Mason: My Muscle Chef.

Tommy: My Muscle Menu. My Muscle Chef. It's like, uh, yeah, this is the fridge.

Ash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Tommy: Have you done any of that?

Ash: Nah, I used to actually— I had a deal, um, that went south with, um, Be Fit Food. They're pretty good. I used to eat their food, but what happened? They stopped paying me. I stopped eating their food. Simple as that. But it's good, like, you know, you lose weight on the stuff.

Josh: It's like you control your calories.

Ash: Yeah, I mean, it's not the— it's not like Maccas, it's not like fucking— it's not like Nando's. You're like, oh my God, this is delicious. But it's not bad.

Josh: Well, we had the idea that we want to do, um, nothing but Nando's for 30 days.

Ash: Don't do that.

Josh: You're going to film it though, like a show, and see how lean you can get. So actually get going super late.

Tommy: Tenderloins. We've spoken about this, I think, twice with you before.

Josh: I think you'd lose.

Ash: You haven't said it to me.

Tommy: Definitely. We spoke about in Sydney and also when we're at the Easy Straight Off office.

Ash: Okay, all right, you reckon?

Josh: Definitely.

Tommy: We'll talk about it.

Ash: I'm gonna say definitely not twice. You might have said it once.

Tommy: Okay, no, you said, can you try and look up— ah, it's too hard.

Josh: No.

Tommy: All right, quickly, first, first for 2020, first thing that comes to mind.

Ash: You're fucking obsessed with this. I'm like, I just gave you an answer. There's, there's nothing at the moment.

Tommy: Are you kidding? But I just don't buy that.

Ash: You don't know me very well then, do you? I mean, like, what, what do you want me to say? There's nothing.

Tommy: I only just got your fucking number.

Ash: Let's be honest, you can text me as a first. I'll get into a text relationship with you.

Tommy: Come on, let's go. What else can I say?

Ash: I'm excited. Yeah, I'm fired up, man. Um, at first, yeah, I made— I was gonna say I'll stop doing this podcast, but no, I, um, I was just— say something and I'll go, yeah, I can do that. But there's nothing.

Tommy: You've never done improv? You don't like sort of thinking on your feet? Not your thing?

Ash: No, I do improv. Improv is a lot of what I do with my stand-up.

Tommy: Okay, you're just— you're struggling just with this. There's some sort of blocker with this one.

Ash: Because you're asking a question that I've answered fucking 5 times, and then you're like, the answer then, the answer, I'll tell you right now, this guy, you are so, um, you're very conceited with your skill set. Just, just remember who you're talking to, take a step back, kiss my fucking shoes. Um, but, um, yeah, I mean, there's nothing that's coming to my mind. Do you want to make up an answer that I don't mean?

Tommy: No, but I don't— you're positioning it as if I'm doing something that's antagonistic I just think it's a very basic question.

Ash: Yeah, but like, do you understand what I'm saying, Tommy? It's like, if I'm not gonna— if I don't mean it, then why would I say it? There's nothing right now that is top of mind. So if you come up with something— but I would say, if you're still listening to this, I hope you're loving it. Yeah, um, you guys don't edit your podcast. Um, well, I get— I guess I get— who knows? Here's one for you: maybe next year, even though I don't think next year is the year. Maybe I meet the girl I spend the rest of my life with. Maybe that's it.

Tommy: It's not a first, but we'll leave it at that. It is a first to spend the rest of your life.

Ash: It is a first because then I meet the girl that I will probably spend the rest of my life with.

Tommy: That's what you mean. It's harder to measure. I just like how I've gone very specific.

Ash: Oh no, the girl that I, um, marry. Maybe next year is the year I meet the girl that I marry. That's very specific.

Tommy: It feels a bit silly though because I don't think that—

Ash: Silly than I want to take a sauna.

Tommy: Yeah, in regards to like doability.

Ash: Doability. I understand it's a little bit more ambitious. No, no, no, I think, I think it's doable. Fuck, Tommy, say something.

Josh: Thanks for coming on the show, mate.

Tommy: It's The Daily Talk Show. Hi@thedailytalkshow.com is the email address. If you enjoyed the show, leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. Otherwise, just keep it to yourself.

Ash: Otherwise, that's not even your— where'd you get that from? I don't know, but I've just started saying it. I reckon it's mine. I stole it from someone, but I used to say it, and I don't know if I came up with it, but that's— you're in legal trouble. Um, and yeah, again, if you are listening to this, um, please, and you want to follow me or anything, let me know you heard about it on this podcast, because again, I just— I have no metrics. No, I haven't. I've probably lost followers from doing this podcast.

Josh: Slide into his DMs.

Tommy: Yeah, please do. I'll see you tomorrow, guys. See you guys.