Crims and Creatives With Scooter Derek

Derek: The Daily Talk Show.

Tommy: It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 481.

Josh: What's happening, guys? What's going on?

Tommy: Scooter Derek is in the building today.

Josh: Hey, thanks for popping past.

Derek: It is absolutely my pleasure.

Tommy: How did you get here?

Derek: Push bike.

Josh: Hey, that's a lie. It's a push bike.

Derek: Is your skateboard a skateboard?

Josh: Yeah, I'd never— I'd call it an electric skateboard.

Derek: All right, an e-bike.

Josh: An e-bike. Yep. An overly powerful e-bike.

Tommy: And so what's the deal with e-bikes? So I was searching something the other day. I think it was like bike shop. I Googled and it was like e-bike, like what came up as like the number one thing. And then I realised it was some fucking side hustle that you had.

Derek: Yeah, I know. I've got Melbourne City E-Bikes.

Josh: What?

Derek: And I've also got a company called Cruise Electric.

Tommy: Yeah, Cruise Electric. I think that's what it was.

Derek: So what's the deal though, doesn't it?

Josh: Cruise Electric.

Derek: You love the bit of domain grabbing.

Mason: Cruise is in like a cruise ship.

Josh: That spelling?

Derek: Cruise. Yeah, Cruisin', but electric.

Tommy: Just spell it for us.

Derek: C-R-U-I-S-E.

Josh: Okay, cruiseelectric.com. And so are you, uh, just firstly, sorry guys, before we jump into this, we appreciate you coming to the show, Derry. Uh, we've got some fucking very exciting news. Our episode 500th live show has been locked in. Yes, and you can now get your tickets. It's a free event. It is a free event.

Derek: Oh, where is it?

Josh: It's at AU79 around the corner here.

Tommy: You're a bit yelly.

Josh: Yeah, because I'm getting excited, mate. You're actually— you look like you've inverted. That's how bad your core is today.

Tommy: Is it really that bad?

Josh: Yeah, lift your energy, son.

Tommy: I think I'm literally just, uh, depressed. No, I think I'm modelling Derek.

Josh: Oh yeah, yeah, I'm excited. No, I'm excited because we've been—

Derek: what do you mean? I'm relaxed.

Tommy: Yeah, two cores don't make a right, Derek.

Josh: Mr. 97's been working on the Eventbrite page where you have to register to be coming because you can't just rock up even though it is free. You gotta get your tickets. Mr. 97, where are we getting this from?

Mason: The tickets?

Josh: Yeah, buddy.

Mason: They'll be in everyone's Instagram bio.

Tommy: What?

Mason: Everyone?

Josh: Everyone. Can we get them? Derek, can you put in yours?

Derek: Fuck yeah.

Mason: Oh, great.

Tommy: Okay, so if you go on there, there's the Eventbrite link.

Derek: Which Instagram do you want it in?

Josh: Oh yeah, which business? He's got about 17.

Tommy: So put it in Cruise Electric.

Derek: I don't think, I don't think I've got Instagram for that.

Josh: You might, mate, you might. Anyway, it's happening, uh, live show. It's on the 29th of this month, 29th of October, kicks off at 6:30 PM.

Tommy: I'm already nervous about meeting the Gronk Squad. Oh, why am I, am I hugging everyone? Hello?

Mason: Yes.

Josh: No, mate, I'm going to keep you out back and bring you out when we come on stage for the live show at 7:30 PM.

Tommy: Can we?

Josh: Because I can't. You're a bloody liability. We don't have insurance that's high enough to cover the awkwardness that people suffer from meeting you.

Tommy: I literally, the other day I went to a wine bar, which I never do. It was for a birthday party and the hugging/handshake went so poorly that I turned to Bri as we arrived and I said, I'm never doing this again. The guy was so nice, but he's like, let's reset. Yeah, that was mid.

Josh: He said, let's reset.

Tommy: I really fucked that up because I tried to do The thing is that I'm not good at reading. And so if someone puts their hand out, I sometimes ignore that and go for the hug.

Josh: Yeah, because you're so transfixed on what you want to do, what you think you need to be doing.

Tommy: That's not even that.

Josh: I just— what is that?

Tommy: I don't know.

Derek: It's like karate, man. You— time goes slower when you're confident. You just wait. The signs are there. You let someone decide. So it's harder for me. Like, I, you know, in the '90s and the even the '80s, tap on the bums, it was full.

Tommy: That was just hugs, French kisses, kisses on the lips, just straight up.

Derek: Hi, how you going? Straight on the chops. Right.

Tommy: But was that because of your scene as well that you're in?

Derek: Yeah, this kind of thing.

Tommy: But were they all like in the scene that you're in? Is there— I'm being serious for a moment. Would you— have you ever been a swinger? No.

Derek: Okay.

Mason: Would you answer?

Derek: What do you mean by that?

Josh: Would you answer?

Tommy: A swinger.

Josh: Have you ever been to Club Abode? That was on St Kilda Road?

Derek: Never, never.

Josh: So there was a— my brother lived with Ed Kavli, actually. He lived across the road in St Kilda, so across the road from a swingers club. And the reason I know is because my mate had his 18th birthday there, and I had older brothers that told me that that's where orgies went down. So when my mate's having his 18th birthday party, I'm quizzing the security guards about where all the fucking art from the wall, where there's hooks Where's all the, where's all the art gone? What was that?

Tommy: So they, they were pretending it wasn't, it was just a venue for hire.

Josh: It was a venue. And, um, this same kid, I remember staying over at his house and his parents would leave to go out, would be home alone or babysitter or something. I remember they were like in full leathers. I was like, oh, that's a bit weird. But his dad likes to party and he looks like Bruce Willis, so I feel like— either way, sorry, quick story. So the Colonel They call him the Colonel that owned this swingers club.

Tommy: I'm not even joking.

Josh: It's not KFC, bro.

Derek: No, no, no. The Colonel.

Josh: Seven Secrets.

Tommy: I actually filmed there.

Josh: Did you? At Abode?

Tommy: For Fifi and Jules, they did some form of blackout challenge.

Josh: If it had Jules involved, it was the fucking Colonel.

Tommy: It definitely— he had like a— yeah, I reckon.

Josh: Can you look it up? Abode?

Tommy: You're not going to find the Fifi and Jules thing.

Josh: Abode, the Colonel. No, I know, but just seeing if there's like some information on him. Anyway, he would come over. And I think he like, he knocked on my brother's door before. I think they were doing like some, like getting to sign something. But I remember just telling me the Colonel, that's a swingers club. My elder brother's friend has been there and yeah, yeah, no, so serious shit went down.

Derek: So hang on, there's got to be different levels of swingers. Like there's full orgy nightclub. Yeah. And then there's the organised open relationship kind of— I think there's a group around there. I don't know much about it yet, but I know that there's a group that plan on doing a podcast that are open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a— there might be 500 of them. And so I don't think they all go for it at once, but it's like this— oh yeah, non-monogamous relationship they call it.

Tommy: And so how close have you been to that scene in your life?

Derek: Never. Nowhere near.

Josh: Really? Derek's a married man.

Derek: Remember, we say, but they can't be promiscuous. That's a different thing.

Tommy: Well, you know, like, I mean, you can't swing.

Josh: You know if you've been to a swingers party or not. And so have you been to a swingers party?

Tommy: Have you put your e-bike key?

Derek: I never had a partner.

Josh: Have you taken somebody home from a key in the bowl party on your electric e-bike?

Derek: That'd be a great one. Oh no, what?

Tommy: No, but I have, uh, no, but I've seen a photo that you've posted where you are wearing what could be described as like fishnet, but like for the body.

Derek: That's not sexy.

Tommy: What, what is that scene though? What scene are you in there?

Derek: That's like a joke, being the only middle-aged fat white guy in Australia wearing a fishnet singlet.

Josh: Yeah, it's very— like, have you been to a string vest? Have you been to a gay club before?

Derek: Yeah.

Josh: Yeah. Have you, Josh?

Tommy: No.

Josh: It's an experience. We should go in West Hollywood.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Josh: I've been to a gay club in West Hollywood. It was the only thing open and we were still wired and wanted to party and it was fucking 2 AM and we went to this gay club with these, these gals and, whoa, I mean, Ash Williams will be able to give us some updates like what goes down in these gay clubs in LA.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And Mr. 97, jeez. They would walk in, he would, there'd be like hyenas drooling.

Derek: I tell you about the, have I told you my Q&A story?

Josh: Q&A?

Tommy: As in the ABC show?

Derek: Well, let me, well, okay, no, well, that's a no, right? So some friends of mine back in the day, some friends of mine said, oh, let's go to, do you want to go to Q&A Thursday night at the Builder's Arms?

Josh: Mate, kwanda.

Derek: Yeah, and I've gone, sounds great.

Tommy: Yeah, you've tweeted that before.

Derek: I absolutely love Honda quiz nights.

Tommy: Yeah, I quiz.

Derek: You know what I mean? I watch Sailor Century and I love, you know, the idea of a quiz night, right? So I'm going, yeah, so I'm all fired up and we all, we get there and we drink and drink and drink and everyone's like pretty smashed and I'm playing pool against this, all these lesbians, like low, the whole room's full of lesbians. Geez, lesbians love Trivia. Love trivia, right? I think this is great. And the whole place was full of queer people and all sorts of flamboyant sort of trans people and all this. I'm going, wow, this is fantastic. But when are they going to start the fucking trivia? Right? And all night, ended up paro having the time of my life. And we had an absolute ball. With, uh, with everybody. And in the end, I've said to my friend, I said, when's the fucking Q&A starting? And you know what it meant? It means queer and alternative. It was a queer and alternative.

Tommy: Um, well, you're very alternative. That's why I'm asking you about, uh, the— I feel like you'd own leathers at least.

Derek: What do you mean, like kinky leathers?

Tommy: Yeah, some for like chaps. You've had a pair of chaps, sorry, chap What's it called? Chaps.

Josh: Assless chaps.

Derek: I got a question, and this came up the other day.

Tommy: You have an answer, so I'll take that as a yes.

Derek: I will get to it. Assless chaps, is that like saying 3 AM in the morning? Chaps don't have— chaps, uh, you know what they are?

Tommy: No.

Derek: Well, I think they are—

Josh: look it up, Mr. Lesley—

Derek: whatever things that you wear in front of your jeans. Yeah, to— for the dirt and the—

Josh: yeah, yeah, like, uh, cowboys wear them. So it'd be like just wearing the chaps with no pants on means that they're arseless chaps.

Derek: Oh, I see.

Josh: That's right.

Derek: Maybe there was a, there was an idea that there was chaps and then there was arseless chaps.

Josh: Well, it's just, maybe it's just not wearing pants. What is it?

Mason: No, Derek's right there. They're like the, the things that you wear, like the bull riding or whatever. But they're sturdy coverings for the legs consisting of leggings and a belt.

Tommy: Is there any difference between arseless leggings and you got arseless chaps?

Josh: That's what we've—

Tommy: So have you ever, or no?

Josh: No, I mean, I've worn arseless chaps before.

Tommy: You would have, but didn't you do a bit of exotic for the stripping dancing?

Josh: Yeah, it was when I— I mean, it was all— it was culturally inappropriate. I was dressed up as an Indian from YMCA, like the Village People, because he wears these like things, and I had a little G-string on, so my bum was out going over Uluru. Yeah, mate, don't fucking compare my stripping outfits to someone from Uluru. Well, we've Oh, oh yeah, no, we won't mention that. No, is it?

Derek: No.

Tommy: Well, when I was a kid, I climbed Oliver, and then we found out that you can't fucking— you're not meant to do that. But when you're a 15-year-old, you've got no idea.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't.

Derek: Yeah, we've gone through this and decided you're completely and utterly innocent.

Josh: Oh, you are?

Tommy: Talking ethics, uh, you, you went to a, a podcast event the other week.

Derek: I went along to AusPod. It's put on by the ABC and it's a big, um, conference.

Josh: Where the fuck was our invitation?

Tommy: Yeah, not from you, not from you. Shameless. Like, there was a bunch of people.

Derek: I like the idea of going to see, um, Zara and Michelle. Are they Gronks? Yeah, they're Gronks. Yeah, yeah, part of the group. So I thought it'd be great to see them on the stage, and I looked at the programme and it was, um they were doing an intense 10 minutes or something like that, right in the middle of the day.

Tommy: One of those speed round talking. Yeah.

Derek: And I do a bit of work for— in my studio, Castaway Studios, where I do a bit of work for—

Josh: just insert his mid-roll ad here.

Derek: I do a bit of work for another podcast company in Sydney. I won't mention their name. And they—

Josh: because he doesn't want to cloud it with Castaway Studios.

Derek: Because I'm more important.

Tommy: Did Castaway Studios have anything to do with, um, the film?

Derek: No, but there is a ball that I use for my— to hold up my wrestling mask that is known as Wilson.

Josh: But he's told us about the Castaway thing.

Derek: It's like the studio is like, you cast away My wife only asked me this today.

Josh: Cast podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which we thought was really clever.

Tommy: Anyway, so the idea is it's a studio everyone can use, accessible.

Derek: So you can— so it's like, yeah, cast away.

Tommy: Sure. Yeah, I feel like that's been lost.

Derek: Fuck away. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: You say fuck away?

Derek: Fuck away.

Tommy: About what?

Derek: It's my version of fuck off. Like, I go on, fuck away. Do people actually say fuck away? I'm the only one that does. Yeah, but I tried to. It didn't, didn't, didn't work anyway.

Tommy: So AusPod was on and you were—

Derek: I wanted to get to see Zara Michelle and I also wanted to see Marley Silver as well. Marley Silver. And then the company in Sydney booked my studio for the morning. Right. And podcasting is not hugely lucrative when you're an independent. And so it was a tonne of dough. It was $191 for a ticket to go to the conference. It was like, yeah, I'm going to miss out on what I would have liked to have seen.

Tommy: What are some creative ways, Mr. 97, if you're a, you're a young dude who, you know, if you weren't working for us and didn't necessarily have a job, but you're podcasting, how would you, how would you creatively try and get a ticket, do you think, if you had no cash?

Mason: Probably get in touch with one of the event organisers or sponsors and just reach out to them. Asking if you could get a ticket or you could, yeah, do something in return for a ticket. Well, something like that.

Josh: Like a lot of those success summits, like the one Gary Vee was at, he, uh, there's a whole heap of volunteers that set up the chairs or like fucking pack down. So you just volunteer.

Derek: Yeah, they had a bunch of Melbourne Uni students doing that, t-shirts all matching and everything.

Josh: Cute.

Tommy: So anyway, you, uh, you thought the $190 for—

Derek: it was, it, it didn't I kind of wanted to go because I want to be seen and I'm kind of, uh, my career involves being involved in podcasts.

Tommy: Do you think you're a bit of a— would you— are you a character within the podcast scene, do you think?

Derek: Not yet, but that's what— that's, that's the goal. Yeah, that's the goal. And what did you just look at, Tommy? You sort of looked at me. So, so I kind of wanted to go and I started building up this kind of socialist kind of fuck that. How dare the ABC charge $191 for a poor podcaster to go when they're probably slinging out free tickets to The Australian and SBS and all. I'm just totally making this up.

Tommy: Well, that was the funny thing because you've told the storey before and you were just saying everyone had free tickets. No one was paid.

Derek: That was my Yeah, well, now I'm dumbing it down because I made it up. Of course. So anyway, I started building up this sort of righteousness that I guess all crims probably do.

Josh: Yeah, crims and creatives, they're very similar.

Derek: Yeah, I was like, oh, fuck that. And considering, uh, and I did— '97 was bang on because I did— when they booked the studio I did say—

Tommy: this is the Sydney Podcast Company.

Derek: Yeah. So I said, look, I wanted to go to this conference and now it's only gonna be a half day, so your job is to give me one of your tickets. And they said, oh, I don't know, fuck off. They said— well, they didn't have anything. Fuck away. Do you like it?

Tommy: Not really. Fuck away. It does seem a bit try-hard, I feel feel like when I say it, fuck away.

Derek: No, you're not putting in the hand helps.

Tommy: Yeah, fuck away.

Derek: So, so what was I talking about?

Josh: Yeah, so you're trying to fleece people for tickets.

Derek: Yeah, so I said, I said, you get me a ticket, come on.

Tommy: And why are they in a position to get a ticket, do you think?

Derek: They're big, right?

Tommy: So a big podcast company.

Derek: The response I got—

Josh: which one are they again?

Derek: I'm not saying— I was supposed to go— was we don't have anyone going from our firm, and it's a particular genre where I clearly would not— it would be weird if I had the badge with their company.

Tommy: Farmers podcasting, and you don't look like a farmer.

Derek: Yeah, it's a skinhead group or something like that. My hair was too long. So basically, no, that failed. And then I went, oh, fuck this. And then I went, and my wife— I said to my wife, oh, this— I've got to record in the morning. And she goes, Well, I'm— I've taken the day off so that you can go to this frickin conference. You better go. Mm.

Tommy: I've gone, oh, did you explain how much the tickets were? Did she think that you were—

Derek: Yeah, not really.

Tommy: I'm guessing what happened is you said that you were going to get a ticket from this Sydney company. You thought it was a done deal.

Derek: Exactly. So I, so I was— my plan originally was I calmed down a bit and I thought, I'm going to get on the tram. And I'm going to go in to the art centre where it was at. You at least paid to get a selfie of myself, and I'm going to show my wife the evidence and say, couldn't get in, I tried everything, right? So I was ready to fail, that just not getting in trouble off her was my goal. So, but then I worked out, I went, oh, I know what I'm going to do. And who was it that said— might have been you, was it you that suggested put last year's lanyard on? No, no. Are you sure you weren't part of this? No, definitely not conspiracy. No, last year's lanyard, put it underneath.

Tommy: I mean, it's handy not being a— you're the opposite of a minimalist. Most people chuck out their lanyards. This is the one time where a lanyard comes in handy.

Derek: Yeah, it was just sitting there still on a hook somewhere, so I put that on and then I wound up a cable and an old silvery, you know, the old rock and roll microphones, the SM58 kind of thing. I put it in my bag, got on the tram and built up my, uh, into my socialist anger, and then hopped off the tram, walked, marched.

Tommy: What were you planning to do with the microphone?

Derek: Oh, well, that— the idea with the microphone is, oh, I was gonna be rushing through to give it to someone, and I was just staff, you know. That was the idea, like, I'd use it as a prop to sort of Zoom, zoom in, and it was like, someone urgently needs this beat-up old SM58 in this huge conference.

Tommy: Was there a— was there anything attached to the cable, the microphone, that you didn't have a recorder or anything?

Josh: That was just a dead end into the bag. Into your bag?

Derek: It looks like I was just like trying to make it out that their microphone had broken. So I got to the Art Center, and you know how it works, it's sort of a round Uh, it's like a round building with layers.

Tommy: Is it a Hamer Hall?

Derek: Like a wedding cake.

Tommy: Is it near Hamer? Is it that one? Art Centre on St Kilda Street? St Kilda Road?

Josh: Yeah, it must be the gallery.

Tommy: Yeah, or just next door to Hamer.

Derek: So I thought I'll go in one of the doors in that weird bit where the stairs go down, and I went in there and went around on the inside. I thought this will make me look like I'm already in the building, and I got there, there's just nobody. There's one woman standing there and I said, is there a podcast thing around here? She goes, oh yeah, level 6, go in the elevator.

Tommy: Well, because absolutely not, what you had to do, one round of stairs here and you nearly had to cancel the podcast.

Derek: So one round, you made me go to the next one.

Josh: Yeah, we got 3 floors and down.

Derek: So I'm in the elevator and now I'm going, fuck, my whole— I can't just kind of cruise in and build up to this, it's going to open into the—

Tommy: How much anxiety have you got at this point?

Josh: He thinks he's in The Matrix.

Derek: I was excited. I felt like a little kid shoplifting or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so I got my cord out of my bag and got it ready. My lanyard, I sort of made it really lanyardy but not outside, like I puffed it out a bit so it was obvious, like I was just a bit awkward.

Tommy: So they're at least the same color, the lanyards? From the previous—

Derek: it turned out it was, but I didn't know that. So the doors open and there's like 7 or 8 freaking kids with, you know, ABC Podcast Event kind of name on their t-shirts, all facing me, just like that.

Tommy: It's just a photo of you, black and white.

Derek: Don't let him in. You know, just kind of got into the part and went, well, they're not important enough.

Josh: So time goes very slow, right, when you're doing this.

Derek: My heart.

Josh: And that was actually set hard right now from the stage.

Tommy: We've actually, we put an XLR cable up his ass. It's a live feed of the sound, of the sound.

Derek: Oh, okay.

Josh: Yeah, the sound of heartbeat.

Tommy: There we go. So what happens?

Derek: So I slowed time down and I get to the— and I turned left and just marched along. So I'm going along the corridor and at the end of the corridor I could see clearly the, the guard house, if you like, the table with all the lanyards and where you go with your ticket. And then to the— and then to the left of it was a coffee machine and stuff like that, and in the distance I could see the doors into the auditorium.

Tommy: What time of day was it?

Derek: It must have been about 12.

Tommy: Okay.

Derek: So I thought, right, here's what I'm going to do. Walk along here looking important, swing my arms about a bit, go, ah, and I did the whole, ah, there it is, and started heading directly diagonally towards the door. And then I heard the voice.

Tommy: What'd they say?

Derek: Hi, can I help you? Uh, have you got a lanyard? Were you not making any eye contact? No, no, no, I was heading the opposite way. I was clearly not going to the desk.

Josh: You're trying not to— yeah, if you don't look at people, they don't look at you. That's what you think.

Tommy: That's what I was hoping, at least. Or at least the fuck away. Good work.

Derek: Yeah.

Tommy: And then, uh, so she says, how can I help you?

Derek: And I went up and I said, look, I, um—

Tommy: what do you think you should have said? Before you say what you actually said, do you think you said the right thing?

Derek: Absolutely. Okay, absolutely nailed it.

Tommy: All right, what did you, what did you say? I'm assuming you said I need to deliver this microphone, like you stayed on script, on the plan.

Derek: I told her about the microphone. All right, I went up to the desk and I said, she said, do you have a ticket? And I said, no, actually sort of, no, well, kind of.

Tommy: And you said, well, you got that lanyard, what's that?

Derek: It was tucked away, there was no evidence. That I was— it was last year's.

Josh: Can you just confirm that you didn't have the Daily Talk Show jumper on?

Tommy: Did you have the jumper on?

Mason: Did you?

Derek: I did. Fuck off. Did you really?

Tommy: I didn't know.

Derek: I had a brand shirt with a collar and everything. It was amazing.

Josh: Great.

Derek: Yeah, felt weird. Tommy Hilfiger or something.

Tommy: Yeah, Hilfiger. And so go on, funeral shirt.

Derek: So then I kind of started going, oh fuck, and I just rolled into this whole truth vibe and went, oh look, no, I don't—

Josh: Squidgy, when I was 14, I just—

Derek: yeah, I know, I got bit by a dog and I've always been sad. So I said, look, I've got— I had— I was coming, I was ready to pay all the dough. It was a lot of money for, for an independent podcaster. And then I got a booking, believe it or not, ironically, to record a podcast this morning. And then it was like, oh, you know what, like for half a day, because I really wanted to see Zara McDonald, Michelle and all that. And I really wanted to see Marley. Marley.

Tommy: And I hope you, you had their names like in your head when you—

Derek: I did all right. Yeah, yeah, I got their names. And, and, and I thought, well, it's not worth it. It's not. It's just not worth it. So what I was going to do is I got the cable to make myself look like I was staff and the lanyard from last year underneath, and I was just going to try and just bullshit my way in. And straight up, she's gone. And that's the end of the story. I can't tell you. I'm not telling you anymore because the secret It's going to be revealed on the 500th episode. All right. To what happened next.

Tommy: Oh my God. He's like, he's like, ready, deal.

Derek: I know these guys will love a bit of suspense.

Josh: When's our 500th episode?

Derek: But honesty, it's pretty soon. Honesty.

Tommy: Honesty is very important. And so what was the highlight of the event?

Derek: What was great was I did get there in time to see Marley. Talk a little bit, and then almost immediately it became lunch break, and it was awesome.

Tommy: Did you really help yourself to the food?

Josh: Nothing like a tax-free lunch, a taxpayer lunch.

Derek: You don't know whether I paid or not.

Tommy: Excuse me, for lunch. Now, what was the food? What was the food?

Derek: It was nice. It was rolls with nice like roast beef and stuff like that, and classic. There was some classic stuff. It wasn't like a sit-down meal. They have, um, but the dessert was amazing. Lots of tiny little guys like Rocky Road, teeny little, uh, yeah, probably got about hedgehogs and stuff, 15 of them.

Tommy: I feel like you've got a big relationship with, um, catering. Uh, no, no, because I remember you actually went to a specific event. I remember you talking about— this is the early days of our friendship— I feel like you were talking about an event and the big selling point was, oh, they had really great catering.

Derek: I wonder what it was.

Tommy: I can't remember which one.

Josh: We went to a great event the other, other week. At the university, at the Melbourne University. It was like in one of those buildings. Michael Bungay.

Tommy: Oh yeah, that was great. That was so good.

Josh: All like, it was vegan. It was lovely. I mean, that was a full roast eggplant sort of dish. Sneaky into places though. When I went to, um, remember when like, uh, there was those big rave parties at Rod Laver Arena?

Tommy: Like official ones?

Josh: Oh, it was huge. What was it?

Derek: Two Tribes.

Josh: Oh yeah, Two Tribes, I think it was called.

Derek: And it was like when growing up, I don't know, I was done with raving by then.

Josh: But it was huge. And so there'd be always people sneaking into that and you get masses of people doing a fence jump. And so then everyone like rushes. And so there was like, you see the commotion stirring. It's almost like, you know, the vibes of the stuff that's happening in Melbourne at the moment. Riots.

Tommy: It's like, have you ever— So we were talking about this, I think it was only yesterday, about protests. And we've, we're a few pussies. We've never done any sort of protest.

Josh: You've been a protest guy?

Derek: I got a bit wound up when I listened to your yesterday's episode. About what? What did you get wound up about? I don't know, I just kind of was going, if you're fucking— if you're— I reckon if you're under 40, because I put myself in a different category so I don't get judged by my own rant— if you're under 40 and you go, uh, why would they want to disrupt? Then you're a— you're a fucking shit cunt.

Josh: Disrupt? Hang on, hang on.

Derek: You know what I mean? This is the fucking whole world is coming to pieces. Yeah, go to die. And you're going, oh yeah, but I'm stopping business, you know. Why would you—

Josh: you cannot— you actually can't have this thought and never have attended one because then you're just—

Tommy: so you've definitely—

Derek: yeah, that's why I made it under 40s. No, I have— I did— I took my kids to the climate. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy: What about on like— did you— what was like the— what was the night in the '90s or the '80s? What were you guys protesting about?

Derek: There was a few wars that we went to. I went protesting them.

Josh: Vietnam. That was a bit— that's too old.

Derek: Iraq and all that.

Josh: Oh yeah.

Tommy: That would have been like—

Derek: John Howard got on board a corrupt— just got on board with America and sent Australian troops into a war that destroyed Iran and caused more people to die than the freaking Holocaust in Germany. Iraq. Iraq, yeah.

Tommy: You said Iran.

Derek: I'm sorry.

Josh: I mean, this is— the stuff's so complex. I was listening to a guy who served over there in 2006, and he was saying he was fighting alongside Afghan citizens. And so when people have that view on they're just over there killing everybody, he was saying, which was an interesting view because I've always thought they fucking went over there and tore the shit apart. The, there's a crisis in the country itself of the people that live there. The Afghans are killing Afghan people. The, you know, the terrorist groups are made up of local citizens, local people, and then there's the local army. And so the American troops are fighting alongside the Afghans, and they were best mates, and they lost soldiers from the Afghans that they cared about. And so they're on— this is what— it's super complicated.

Tommy: It's also, I guess, like the US funding a bunch of wars, so they put in a bunch of money to different groups. And then there's obviously things that happen based on that shit. Things go down. It's like, okay, what, what's their responsibility?

Derek: They chose to hunt down and kill Saddam Hussein based on the made-up storey that he had weapons of mass destruction. Do you remember that?

Josh: He was a piece of fucking shit, though.

Derek: He was a piece of shit. And there's pieces of shit all over the world.

Tommy: I mean, you went on to tell me this part.

Derek: They're happy to let their country everyone's happy to just let pieces of shit run all kinds of countries and, yeah, yeah, and, and kill millions of their own citizens. We don't invade them. So they decided to go in and they— Saddam Hussein was holding a very delicate, uh, country together. And so when they removed him, the whole place went to shit. And it still is. It's all fucked. It's completely fucked.

Tommy: What about all the stuff? I thought that was interesting.

Derek: They made up the storey about what messes the weapons of mass destruction wasn't true. It was just made up.

Josh: John Howard never found it.

Derek: It's illegal. They should be tried as war criminals. George Bush, John Howard, and the dude who's in charge of England. Coalition of the Willing, they call it.

Tommy: And so what were the sorts of protests that you were doing?

Derek: Well, they'd have a no-war protest here and there. I'm not a big protester, I'm just saying.

Josh: No, but you went to— You've been to more protests than we have. All right.

Derek: Been to the best one. I'll tell you about a fun one.

Josh: He's been to a shitload.

Tommy: That's why I understand.

Derek: There's a lot of—

Josh: I'm not a bloody protest guy.

Tommy: Unless it's got disco, you know. Well, that's what I find is like, does it— Do protests lose their impact when the protesters are having too much fun? So when I saw them doing sort of a disco or whatever, I was like, oh, this is a flash mob.

Josh: Flash mobs, disturbance by disco.

Tommy: Yeah. Or like a silent disco sort of thing. So I was wondering, I wonder if the efficacy of that versus doing something like— I feel like maybe starvation sort of fucking protest could have more cutthroat.

Derek: Well, the idea of the climate rally is that it's, it's, it's not a protest. No one's protesting anything. It's just a show of for fuck's sake, you know, like it's ridiculous that people are still even having a conversation. About whether it's real or not.

Tommy: And so what do you think comes out of those things? It's corrupt. What do you think will come out of it? Because I guess we got Mr. 97 to put together Google protests that have helped something.

Josh: Did you find any?

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, he found a few. Arab Spring, all that sort of thing.

Derek: The music one was pretty good in Melbourne.

Tommy: That was the big day out.

Derek: No, no, it was a big day out for a lot of people.

Tommy: No.

Derek: The, the Liberal government in Victoria, the state government, did that. You know how they're tearing Sydney apart with that lockout laws and all that? They started doing that here and they introduced— they decided that alcohol and music venues were destroying society, right? So they, they made it so that anyone who had live music on had to have an official security guy on every entrance. So if you had a tiny little pub in Brunswick with a guy playing a violin, the pub had to hire 3 security guards because those old pubs have got doors everywhere, sometimes 5 security guards by law, or lose their licence because they need more security. And the point is, live music historically, statistically, no violence at live music events. All the violence is methamphetamine and speed and people getting drunk in King Street at discos and stuff, which were, you know, pretty much left alone. And then they introduced lockout laws.

Tommy: So the live music— so they were even—

Derek: music—

Tommy: they were doing a— they had a distinction between a DJ playing music and someone with an instrument. Is that what you're saying?

Josh: I think the— I think there's something in the live music. If you're a DJ, if there's someone up there manning it, that's it.

Derek: That is live music.

Josh: That's live. That becomes live music.

Derek: Yeah, I think something like like that.

Tommy: It's—

Josh: which is ridiculous.

Derek: But it was just an outrageous, really weird Orwellian kind of crazy Big Brother thing that happened. And it was just like, get fucked. And so ridiculous.

Josh: Saying the get fucked, it actually stopped it. They thought, we're going to stop this.

Derek: Yeah, yeah. Because it became clear there was the whole of Melbourne got a march, massive march up, you know, standing, marching on Parliament with signs. I had baby Tom when he was about Bode's age, up on my shoulders. It was ace because it was just music. You weren't going, the world's gonna die, or anything like that, like it is now.

Josh: Did your wife go with you?

Derek: Yeah, she was there. Yeah, it was good fun. And, and it, uh, and they sorted it out.

Tommy: That's— and so the thing with the sword, I guess what I'm not sure on, and it's my ignorance in regards to— I need to read up on these types of things— what what are they seeking with this, this latest sort of disruption sort of stuff? What are the tangible things that they're asking for?

Derek: They want you and you and you to wake the fuck up and go, it's— this is it. This is time for everybody to take, not just—

Tommy: does that mean not having straws?

Derek: Get into the city and let the politicians know that the majority need this or they won't vote for you. Essentially, yeah, it has to be— it's not about straws and bottle tops and shit like that. It's about numbers. It's, it's time. I'm not even a political guy, but it's just, it— you can feel it, surely.

Josh: Yeah, I can feel you're a political guy. That's what I'm feeling.

Derek: It just feels like it's time. It's time, you know. When I was growing up, I just— we've just had on our show Dan's dad, who's a psychologist, Charles—

Tommy: is the name, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Derek: So we were talking and I asked him the question. I said, what's the difference between— I said, you were— when you were raising kids, you had to raise them in the shadow of nuclear holocaust, right? So when I was a kid, when I was my kid's age, we were told all the time by the news and everyone any day. The Russians had enough bombs to kill, to destroy the whole world 10 times over, and so did America. Nuclear, right?

Josh: I remember that feeling. Yeah, when I was a kid, it was terrifying.

Tommy: You're all—

Derek: yeah. And, and it got to the stage where it was on the news all the time. They had a Cuban Missile Crisis where it nearly did happen. There was like one Russian soldier that just used his own— he was meant to It was like, right, they're coming. I'm meant to kick it off. He was meant to press the button. He could see on the radar that they were being attacked by America. So he was meant to press the button. That was his job.

Tommy: What happened?

Derek: And everything was in place to kill everybody in the world, right? And he went, nah, fucking no.

Josh: That Aussie guy over there.

Tommy: Yeah, fuck away, please. Forgive me if that's completely wrong, audience and you guys, but, but it's a good fucking story.

Josh: Great story.

Derek: This is what, this is what happened, right?

Tommy: I love that you're like, I don't know if that's the story. I'm like, it's a great story. It's what happened.

Derek: And it was a computer glitch and it was something that went wrong. It was a flock of birds or something. And it wasn't, obviously we know now that it wasn't America destroying Russia because they had a situation where, um, there was so the threat of mass destruction was so high no one could afford to attack each other in any way. So they had all these wars, you know, they engaged in wars in Vietnam and Korea and all that, which annihilated other people's countries, where— because that's where they played against each other.

Tommy: And so it was sort of a lower weapon type of thing. It's like, oh, like, we can't, we can't use the proper ones, go to a jungle somewhere.

Derek: Yeah, it's horrible, disgusting. How about, uh, but I said, well Well, now we've got— I've got— we're raising our kids where this other threat, this climate change threat, like, what's the difference? The difference is that if the bombs don't go off, everything's okay. Whereas this doesn't go away. You either slow it down or you don't, but it's still.

Tommy: And so what are we— so my feeling is it seems very, very big. Seems completely out of our control. I'm hoping that there's someone that's smart as fuck. I was watching on the news and some guy from Iraq who lives in Queensland's created something that's like cures cancer, that edits DNA and shit. A guy was like, in the next 15 years I think cancer will be completely cured, right? I'm sort of hoping for there to be some sort of thing that fucking sucks up all the CO2 or some shit. We're good.

Derek: Yeah, look, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?

Josh: I mean, but watch the, um, Bill Gates documentary. Look at the money they're tipping into solving these big problems.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

Josh: And they still can't get there.

Derek: Just vote.

Mason: No, I'm a Kiwi citizen, so I can't vote over here.

Derek: You vote?

Josh: Yeah.

Derek: You go vote? Yeah, yeah. Don't whack.

Josh: No, no, you gotta—

Derek: what if we all said you don't vote once every 4 years or 3 years? What? Why don't we just say we vote 3 times a year? You imagine that?

Josh: Too much admin.

Derek: No, no, no, I'm not. Not, no, not an election in your mind, right? So you go to your big vote, but all your little votes are attending this rally or going to this, going to this thing or discussing something. Do you think that, right, this is a big vote because at Christmas dinner I'm going for it.

Tommy: So for someone like me, change someone's opinion, not necessarily, uh, right nor left, nor like I'm just sort of a bit sort of in the middle, maybe a little bit left. If like I wonder, like I think about how my understanding with it, and then I put the frame of say my dad or someone who's sort of more conservative Do these things act to create change, or does it create more division and get those people who—

Derek: There's a tonne more division, and fuck that. If 40% of people are divided forever and one of them's in your family, bad luck, because you just need to work like politics. You need to work for a majority, and it's not left and right, it's right and wrong. It's not left and right. We're talking about just going, it's big, it's the big money. I sound like a foil hat guy, right? But I'm just not.

Josh: Now you sound like a lefty.

Tommy: But it's not left.

Derek: This is a weapon. Yeah, but you know how you hate the word millennial? Yeah, wouldn't you?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

Derek: Because it's a weapon. The word millennium is a weapon used against you guys, right? Because we call you pansies and soft, soft cocks or whatever, like a bunch of soft millennials entitled. Whereas we know that you've dropped into a world where you— they're telling you you can't buy a house and they're telling you you're fucked and the world's going to blow up, you know, climate crisis. That's a shit— that's a shit thing, you know what I mean? Like, so they're using words against you left and right. It's not left and right. It's whoever is still— whoever is still burning fucking brown coal because of, because of money is an asshole.

Tommy: Yeah. And so I guess— simple. Yeah, I guess there are those things that are blatantly obvious, those types of scenarios. Yeah. But then I guess as you get to more and more nuance, then it is no longer a right or wrong thing. It's a right or wrong thing based on your own personal values. But don't you think that there's an empathy bit in not, not allowing for prejudiced behavior. So you see Andrew Bolt or whatever in the Adam Goodes doco and you're like, well, he's actually just being a piece of shit. And but there are— is what he's— is what he is doing trying to be malicious? There's something like— there's something that's fucking not necessarily right in, in his thinking. But I think that if you look at the broader spectrum, that being a more obvious case of it just being, no, he's wrong. What about like the light and shade where it's like you've got a Christian, like someone who is extremely religious, who doesn't, uh, you know, fucking believe in abortions or whatever that is?

Derek: If you, if you, if you let your— if you let some ancient beliefs or whatever allow you to then torture or make someone else's life uncomfortable, you're a bit of a prick, right? But if you did it— but in the Andrew Bolt thing, I think about this a lot. I still haven't decided whether he's an absolute asshole or a first-class, fully fledged super asshole, right? And if he's just going, oh, this is my job to be an asshole, then that's unforgivable. That is completely unforgivable. If he's just a dirty, horrible—

Tommy: yeah, where does that fit?

Derek: That's why I can't see person and believes that, then he's just an asshole.

Tommy: So we can't understand, like, because— yeah, because I was—

Derek: I listened to him, I'm like, publishing—

Tommy: I don't— yeah, I don't understand that perspective. Like, I don't understand where he's coming from, which I guess in the broader range of issues, when you look way broader and then it becomes not so easy to distinguish. It's more the nuance type of thing. So some people saying, okay, well, it's not this, it's that, or just character, isn't it?

Derek: It's pretty low.

Tommy: I think that it's from a day-to-day point of view for me. I wonder, me being out there dancing, I think it's great that other people are doing it.

Josh: I'd love to say that.

Derek: Do it for yourself, Josh. I'm telling you. Get out there, I think your jumpers—

Josh: you're saying it's a chance to promote, add to the thing.

Derek: No, you use your—

Josh: I see how we're using the power, the reverse, to get in there.

Tommy: Yeah, it's a great opportunity to get our brand and stickers, but also could we stick a bomb? Could we stick a bomb there, man? What do you think?

Josh: No, I appreciate it. I think it's, it's not our go-to. We can only go and experience it. And see what— see what— see if it is. You don't know if you're— the thing is, it doesn't come naturally for us to have a desire to not do what we're doing on a day-to-day basis, to go and do that. But does that mean it's should be done or not?

Derek: I don't know.

Josh: It's just— that's why it's like, go and do it. I appreciate the go and do it.

Tommy: I mean, so the thing is, getting— so getting arrested or whatever around it, there is—

Derek: what are you talking about? I'm just talking about go to a rally where you just Being at a rally at my level, is that the difference? I'm not locking on to shit, covering myself in concrete.

Josh: Well, so this is the interesting thing though, I guess, is one of your mates do that?

Tommy: No, because so I understand, like, that, that seems very different, the difference between standing up for something or whatever. But it seems like whatever this thing is that's happening— PK would be good to have on the show given his involvement, uh, But there's, there's, you know, there's cops saying, hey, like, there's, there's a way of protesting which is the official, this has been approved and you can go and do it. And then there's the one that's happening at the moment, which is just disruption. Is there like a disruption one?

Derek: I'd be up for that now because this is the—

Josh: it's like crunch time.

Derek: Try and keep my kids alive until they're old. Yeah, it just isn't going to happen. Yeah, but when it's rally time, I'm not saying go and be an Extinction Rebellion lock-on-er. I'm saying go to the rallies because that is a voting day. If 100,000 people turn up every Friday or whatever and march through the city, then it has an effect on the decision-making.

Tommy: Sadly.

Derek: They have to wait for that.

Josh: There's actually an event coming up that I think we could probably all go to. It's our 500th live show.

Mason: Are you 79?

Josh: 29th of October. There's limited seats, guys. It's like 70 max.

Tommy: You want to stand up for good coffee? Are you 79? The best coffee in the, in the—

Josh: Yeah, you want to show your support for some Gronks? Get behind this. Where is it, Mr. Nice? And where do you find the tickets?

Mason: In our Instagram bio.

Josh: Fuck yeah. I'm just testing you. In our Instagram bio.

Tommy: He's actually got a really interesting LA Fact today.

Josh: Yeah, we're wrapping up, so Derek will love this one.

Mason: Okay, during World War II, the military built simulated neighbourhoods on the rooftop of the Douglas Aircraft Factory as camouflage from the Japanese bomb squads. The simulated neighbourhoods were complete with fake cars, roads, homes, and trees made of burlap netting, plywood, and other materials. Actors were hired to inhibit these spaces.

Josh: So good.

Mason: So it's literally on the top.

Derek: The fucking actors. Yeah, poor bastards.

Josh: I mean, it's a bit rich calling them actors. They were the extras on the extra money. Um, and so cars would drive around?

Mason: No, no, so they were fake cars. So it's all— everything's all like set in place or whatever, and they've just got like people like faking going in, cutting all the trees.

Tommy: You're showing me photos.

Mason: It's literally like probably on top of a building roof, and it looks like they've just rolled out grass or like burlap or whatever built trees and houses. Burlap? It's like a netting material.

Tommy: That's what it looks like in the photos.

Derek: Passion sort of thing?

Josh: Masi?

Tommy: Did you—

Mason: where did you— it feels like fabric.

Derek: Yeah, burlap.

Josh: Yeah, he's a smart kid. '97.

Derek: You know about the metal cows?

Josh: Uh, the metal cows, the classic one in Europe. So we're sticking with LA facts.

Derek: If you had it— if you had it— sorry, but it's the same thing.

Tommy: It's not the same thing, it's a different country.

Derek: Cows don't just stand around near airfields. Or artillery. They fuck off somewhere else, don't they? So they made cows out of corrugated iron and stood them around.

Tommy: That's a good idea.

Derek: So that the spotters wouldn't see them.

Tommy: How about this?

Derek: You know the Cow on the Tree? That's some reference to that, you know, in the— down at Docklands.

Tommy: I haven't seen it. I haven't been to Docklands.

Derek: It was in the Champs-Élysées.

Josh: Oh yeah.

Tommy: The, um, when I was in Turkey last year, saw a police car, drove past it, was a cutout of a police car made out of wood, basically on the side of the road. Looks like a—

Josh: like, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit yourself. Shit yourself. You see cops, you panic, even if you haven't done anything. Fair. Anyway, we'd love you to come to our live show. Tickets are going to be gone if you don't get in. Limited. Limited. I'll get you in if they say it's sold out and I'll pay this, mate. If you somehow go to our link in our bio and there's no more tickets and you rock up with a microphone with a cord, we'll fucking let you in.

Tommy: No, you need to bring some form of old lanyard as well.

Josh: Some kind of lanyard.

Tommy: Yeah, I appreciate it.

Josh: Because that's a Gronkh move and we appreciate that.

Tommy: Just do that. You don't have to email us. Just go onto our Instagram account for the next, I guess, the next 2 weeks. It'll be up until the event. Did we say the date of the event?

Josh: 29th of October.

Tommy: Tuesday, the 29th of October. It's in Abbotsford. We would suggest there's parking at the Hive.

Josh: Plenty of parking at the Hive, which is a car park. The entrance is literally next door, but all through the streets, 4-hour parking, 2-hour parking because it's after 6:30 PM. It kicks off.

Tommy: It's on Nicholson Street. Yeah. Anyway, it's Daily Talk Show. See you tomorrow, guys.

Josh: See you guys.